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A starfish is born | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Gaping Poop Butthole 03/25/21(Thu)21:56:58 No.62916755 >21 year old university student, live in a one-bathroom house with twin sister (it's cheap and I'm autistic so I don't get along well with roommates) >5am, major diarrhea time, I sprint 7 KB PNG to bathroom >stormy outside, window is open >I let loose a torrent of hot painful diarrhea >the door swings wide open because of pressure exchange or some s--- from open window during storm >I close door and try to lock it >Doesn't help >Bathroom is right next to sister's bed, poorly- insulated house >Have to hold door closed >I get up while holding the doorknob to try to close the window, have to kind of bend over awkwardly to do so >Sister walks in and sees me stretched out in the bathroom with a gaping poopy butthole I don't know how to apologize for this.
: Anonymous Gaping Poop Butthole 03/25/21(Thu)21:56:58 No.62916755 >21 year old university student, live in a one-bathroom house with twin sister (it's cheap and I'm autistic so I don't get along well with roommates) >5am, major diarrhea time, I sprint 7 KB PNG to bathroom >stormy outside, window is open >I let loose a torrent of hot painful diarrhea >the door swings wide open because of pressure exchange or some s--- from open window during storm >I close door and try to lock it >Doesn't help >Bathroom is right next to sister's bed, poorly- insulated house >Have to hold door closed >I get up while holding the doorknob to try to close the window, have to kind of bend over awkwardly to do so >Sister walks in and sees me stretched out in the bathroom with a gaping poopy butthole I don't know how to apologize for this.

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Anon hates women | /r/Greentext

File: RetardedPig.jpg (81 KB, 574x700) U Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)11:16:43 No.850564387 >unhealthy >ugly >will eat literally anything >squeals sound worse that nails on a chalkboard >smell like s--- >dirty animals all around So tell me anon, why haven't you taken the halal pill?
File: RetardedPig.jpg (81 KB, 574x700) U Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)11:16:43 No.850564387 >unhealthy >ugly >will eat literally anything >squeals sound worse that nails on a chalkboard >smell like s--- >dirty animals all around So tell me anon, why haven't you taken the halal pill?

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Anon created monster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)23:10:06 No.62929192 >get gf into powerlifting and martial arts to share my hobbies with her >she gets into it, but also starts doing athleticism >makes me run and cycle with her every f------ day >today she made me run around 8 KB JPG 35km >tomorrow she wants to jump off a bridge with me and swim to the other side of our local river >l'm really scared and I don't want to do it, but I will because I don't want to lose her respect I created a monster. I'll die tomorrow, I can feel it
: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)23:10:06 No.62929192 >get gf into powerlifting and martial arts to share my hobbies with her >she gets into it, but also starts doing athleticism >makes me run and cycle with her every f------ day >today she made me run around 8 KB JPG 35km >tomorrow she wants to jump off a bridge with me and swim to the other side of our local river >l'm really scared and I don't want to do it, but I will because I don't want to lose her respect I created a monster. I'll die tomorrow, I can feel it

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/b/ is the worst | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)18:12:00 No.62910290 >go on some discord and find people talking about 4chan >some retards starts saying that /b/ is the best board 14 KB JPG >all say its the best board of all time >try and say its the worst one >all of them say im wrong >all brag about going on 4chan regularly i dont get it whats the joy in bragging about going on 4chan, is it just something that normies do a lot?
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)18:12:00 No.62910290 >go on some discord and find people talking about 4chan >some retards starts saying that /b/ is the best board 14 KB JPG >all say its the best board of all time >try and say its the worst one >all of them say im wrong >all brag about going on 4chan regularly i dont get it whats the joy in bragging about going on 4chan, is it just something that normies do a lot?

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Anon averts crisis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:29:51 No.46182766 >Be me First time on tinder >match with two grils instantly >stacy texts first >w-- >She lives less than a mile >Panic.jpg >Delete the app 156 KB JPG >Mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:31:36 No.46182794 She liked you, you mental f------ retard.
: Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:29:51 No.46182766 >Be me First time on tinder >match with two grils instantly >stacy texts first >w-- >She lives less than a mile >Panic.jpg >Delete the app 156 KB JPG >Mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:31:36 No.46182794 She liked you, you mental f------ retard.

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Anon gets a hooker | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Virgin >Buy a 1 hour appointment with a h----- >Blow my load while she is applying the lube 11 KB PNG
>Be me >Virgin >Buy a 1 hour appointment with a h----- >Blow my load while she is applying the lube 11 KB PNG

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Anon has a unique name | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG >>52772696 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman
: Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG >>52772696 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman

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Anon gets some trees | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: n4bWTe/1)[ 07/27/18(Fri)12:34:29 No.180247066 >Be American in 1800's >Don't know jack s--- about trees except they're good and pretty and s--- >Ask the Aussies to supply some of their trees to plant in California to make it look pretty 91 KB JPG >They send Eucalyptus trees with gusto >Fast forward to today >Eucalyptus trees are finally maturing, which finally allows them to germinate >They do this by spontaneously exploding into fire when the heat reaches a certain point >Exponential increase of forest fires in California >... >The Australians sent a shitpost to the US 200+ years in the making
: Anonymous (ID: n4bWTe/1)[ 07/27/18(Fri)12:34:29 No.180247066 >Be American in 1800's >Don't know jack s--- about trees except they're good and pretty and s--- >Ask the Aussies to supply some of their trees to plant in California to make it look pretty 91 KB JPG >They send Eucalyptus trees with gusto >Fast forward to today >Eucalyptus trees are finally maturing, which finally allows them to germinate >They do this by spontaneously exploding into fire when the heat reaches a certain point >Exponential increase of forest fires in California >... >The Australians sent a shitpost to the US 200+ years in the making

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Anon is an incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:19:22 No.62913429 >How dare you judge a woman based on her PAST >lt's not like it's shaped her into what she is NOW or has any influence on what she may do in the FUTURE! 55 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:30:17 No.62913552 >What the F--- do you mean you have STANDARDS?! >You're a f------ INCEL! 20 KB PNG
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:19:22 No.62913429 >How dare you judge a woman based on her PAST >lt's not like it's shaped her into what she is NOW or has any influence on what she may do in the FUTURE! 55 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:30:17 No.62913552 >What the F--- do you mean you have STANDARDS?! >You're a f------ INCEL! 20 KB PNG

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Anon was born in a small town | /r/Greentext

File: biz (9).jpg (75 KB, 482x427) O Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)20:48:07 No.850520193 [Reply] >>850521962 >>850522147 >didnt grow up in LA >didnt grow up in miami >didnt grow up in broward >didnt grow up in DFW >didnt grow up in houston >didnt grow up in nyc >didnt grow up in chicago >didnt grow up in las vegas >didnt grow up tokyo >didnt even grow up an hour outside of this s--- what the f--- is the point. i was born in a small town. life is f------ over. it was over before it even started. an entire f------ life lost to a f------ cold frozen mountain.
File: biz (9).jpg (75 KB, 482x427) O Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)20:48:07 No.850520193 [Reply] >>850521962 >>850522147 >didnt grow up in LA >didnt grow up in miami >didnt grow up in broward >didnt grow up in DFW >didnt grow up in houston >didnt grow up in nyc >didnt grow up in chicago >didnt grow up in las vegas >didnt grow up tokyo >didnt even grow up an hour outside of this s--- what the f--- is the point. i was born in a small town. life is f------ over. it was over before it even started. an entire f------ life lost to a f------ cold frozen mountain.

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Anon gets cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)13:14:04 No.62922021 SORRY FOR GREENTEXTING >be me >depressed, hopeless incel at 23 >get close to a girl online >we are compatible and hit it off well 211 KB JPG >she asks to be my girlfriend >most exciting moment in my life, even though she lives in another continent >things go fine >l do my best to handle her mental instability, lack of self awareness and lack of empathy >we meet up >great time >we cant meet up anymore due to travel restrictions >she ghosts me, cheats on me, leaves me >it's very hard but I manage to recover emotionally >all the while she's getting f----- by someone else >months later she says she loves me and regrets leaving >mfw I have to literally choose between being with her and being alone for the rest of my life >pic related.
: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)13:14:04 No.62922021 SORRY FOR GREENTEXTING >be me >depressed, hopeless incel at 23 >get close to a girl online >we are compatible and hit it off well 211 KB JPG >she asks to be my girlfriend >most exciting moment in my life, even though she lives in another continent >things go fine >l do my best to handle her mental instability, lack of self awareness and lack of empathy >we meet up >great time >we cant meet up anymore due to travel restrictions >she ghosts me, cheats on me, leaves me >it's very hard but I manage to recover emotionally >all the while she's getting f----- by someone else >months later she says she loves me and regrets leaving >mfw I have to literally choose between being with her and being alone for the rest of my life >pic related.

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Anon posts distorted image | /r/Greentext

File: digg-wannabe.jpg (81 KB, 669x594) Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)06:58:18 No.850522994 [Reply] >>850539880 >>850540137 >Be me >Be redditfag I really hate the community but stuff like r/awww, r/getmotivated and r/t------ keep me going with life
File: digg-wannabe.jpg (81 KB, 669x594) Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)06:58:18 No.850522994 [Reply] >>850539880 >>850540137 >Be me >Be redditfag I really hate the community but stuff like r/awww, r/getmotivated and r/t------ keep me going with life

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Anon hates corn tortillas | /r/Greentext

>be me >tacofag >just wanna make some bomb ass tacos for dinner and to have as leftovers for the next couple of days >begin prepping my ingredients for 765 KB PNG tacos >realize i only have corn tortillas >whateverit'lldo.png >make several tacos >take bite of first taco >begins to fall apart in my hands >eat it quickly to prevent mess >this happens for the remaining tacos Why the f--- are corn tortillas so f------ useless? How can a tortilla be so desired if it's gonna f------ fall apart in your hands before you can start eating you f------ food? I've never had this problem with flour tortillas and only have corn tortillas because I bought them by accident. Other taco connoisseur, what reason is there to use a çorn tortilla oyer a flour tortilla.
>be me >tacofag >just wanna make some bomb ass tacos for dinner and to have as leftovers for the next couple of days >begin prepping my ingredients for 765 KB PNG tacos >realize i only have corn tortillas >whateverit'lldo.png >make several tacos >take bite of first taco >begins to fall apart in my hands >eat it quickly to prevent mess >this happens for the remaining tacos Why the f--- are corn tortillas so f------ useless? How can a tortilla be so desired if it's gonna f------ fall apart in your hands before you can start eating you f------ food? I've never had this problem with flour tortillas and only have corn tortillas because I bought them by accident. Other taco connoisseur, what reason is there to use a çorn tortilla oyer a flour tortilla.

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Anon is CEO | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)11:06:02 No.850470260 >be me >CEO of medium to big IT company but still making millions >Work at least 14h a day and feel like l finally stopped being useless retard Ñ jerking off everyday and having casual sex wasting time >Now l'm even a bigger degenerate snorting cocaine every day along with casual sex Was "making it" a meme bros? picrel
Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)11:06:02 No.850470260 >be me >CEO of medium to big IT company but still making millions >Work at least 14h a day and feel like l finally stopped being useless retard Ñ jerking off everyday and having casual sex wasting time >Now l'm even a bigger degenerate snorting cocaine every day along with casual sex Was "making it" a meme bros? picrel

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Anon gives up on his dreams | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)19:04:41 No.62910924 >Slowly starting to realize that my dream of becoming a piano teacher is unreasonable simply because no woman wants a broke man and I gotta provide for my family >Only goal I ever had in life is gone, cant fully dedicate myself to 189 KB JPG my passion >Gotta choose some job that gets me good money So this.. is the power of male privilege...
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)19:04:41 No.62910924 >Slowly starting to realize that my dream of becoming a piano teacher is unreasonable simply because no woman wants a broke man and I gotta provide for my family >Only goal I ever had in life is gone, cant fully dedicate myself to 189 KB JPG my passion >Gotta choose some job that gets me good money So this.. is the power of male privilege...

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Commit toaster bath | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: mz2oPOFe 01/16/17(Mon)18:36:57 No.107430086 Before internet >i want to f--- toasters >dont be a f------ retard >grow up After internet >l want to f--- a toaster >google >find a community with 1000+ members about people wanting to f--- toasters >f--- up your life >>107430609 #
: Anonymous (ID: mz2oPOFe 01/16/17(Mon)18:36:57 No.107430086 Before internet >i want to f--- toasters >dont be a f------ retard >grow up After internet >l want to f--- a toaster >google >find a community with 1000+ members about people wanting to f--- toasters >f--- up your life >>107430609 #

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Anon gets rejected | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)21:29:31 No.62912808 my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined Screenshot_20210108-121020_Google.jpg 201 KB JPG >had a dream for the first time in months last night >it was at a comfy resort in the mountains >in my room at the resort there was a sex doll that talked to me >l only tried to hug or cuddle her, nothing more >still got rejected HOW?!?! HOW?!?! I can't even get laid in my own f------ dreams, and even in my dreams a sex doll rejects me! It's truly over and my mind knows it...
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)21:29:31 No.62912808 my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined Screenshot_20210108-121020_Google.jpg 201 KB JPG >had a dream for the first time in months last night >it was at a comfy resort in the mountains >in my room at the resort there was a sex doll that talked to me >l only tried to hug or cuddle her, nothing more >still got rejected HOW?!?! HOW?!?! I can't even get laid in my own f------ dreams, and even in my dreams a sex doll rejects me! It's truly over and my mind knows it...

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Who doesn't? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)05:52:44 No.62918504 >freshly washed and clean sheets tonight Anybody else love that feel? 1.11 MB PNG : Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)06:02:25 No.62918575 >>62918504 (OP) # On cold nights I love it when I take my blankets out of the dryer and they're all warm then 8 hours later I have to leave my warm blanket nest and enter the freezing cold and that sucks d--- bro
: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)05:52:44 No.62918504 >freshly washed and clean sheets tonight Anybody else love that feel? 1.11 MB PNG : Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)06:02:25 No.62918575 >>62918504 (OP) # On cold nights I love it when I take my blankets out of the dryer and they're all warm then 8 hours later I have to leave my warm blanket nest and enter the freezing cold and that sucks d--- bro

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Anon gets shit on | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Tpxm+GP7 03/26/21(Fri)11:34:32 No.313774362 Honestly you might laugh at toilet paper hoarders but you really don't have enough toilet paper yourselves. The average person uses 1 roll per day. If you have a family of 4, that's 28 rolls per week. Over 100 per month! TP rolls will be worth their weight in gold in a few months because everybody needs it. Suez Canal ship crisis may unleash worldwide toilet paper shortage EVERRREEN 47 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: FDZAOWPB 03/26/21(Fri)11:36:06 No.313774507 : Anonymous (ID: C5Yavwuo) [•1 03/26/21 (Fri)11:36:56 No.313774607 >>313774362(OP) # >The average obese American uses 1 roll per day. ftfy
: Anonymous (ID: Tpxm+GP7 03/26/21(Fri)11:34:32 No.313774362 Honestly you might laugh at toilet paper hoarders but you really don't have enough toilet paper yourselves. The average person uses 1 roll per day. If you have a family of 4, that's 28 rolls per week. Over 100 per month! TP rolls will be worth their weight in gold in a few months because everybody needs it. Suez Canal ship crisis may unleash worldwide toilet paper shortage EVERRREEN 47 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: FDZAOWPB 03/26/21(Fri)11:36:06 No.313774507 : Anonymous (ID: C5Yavwuo) [•1 03/26/21 (Fri)11:36:56 No.313774607 >>313774362(OP) # >The average obese American uses 1 roll per day. ftfy

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Hot or not | /r/Greentext

File: FB_IMG_1605814030719.jpg (28 KB, 413x569) U Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)03:00:15 No.15825394 [Reply] Story time >be me, 25 >staying at my moms place while I look for my own >first night, ready to make dinner >I look in her fridge >microwavemeatballsandpain.png >ask where the spices are >she hands me a can of f------ salt >says pepper is too spicy for her >literally no other seasonings in the house >mfw BUTTHAT'S HERESY Anyways, how did you start cooking?
File: FB_IMG_1605814030719.jpg (28 KB, 413x569) U Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)03:00:15 No.15825394 [Reply] Story time >be me, 25 >staying at my moms place while I look for my own >first night, ready to make dinner >I look in her fridge >microwavemeatballsandpain.png >ask where the spices are >she hands me a can of f------ salt >says pepper is too spicy for her >literally no other seasonings in the house >mfw BUTTHAT'S HERESY Anyways, how did you start cooking?

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