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Anon has a Nephew | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)16:50:34 No.42685823 >"Uncle Anon, why aren't you married?" >"Mom says people only get married when they love each other, does that mean no one loves you?" >>42685878 # : Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)17:24:59 No.42685878 >>42685823 # f------ wish i had a nephew with such top quality banter >>42685953 #
: Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)16:50:34 No.42685823 >"Uncle Anon, why aren't you married?" >"Mom says people only get married when they love each other, does that mean no one loves you?" >>42685878 # : Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)17:24:59 No.42685878 >>42685823 # f------ wish i had a nephew with such top quality banter >>42685953 #

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Anon is a living sister | /r/Greentext


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/r9k/ on the forms of humor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:43:11 No.62945469 >entire sense of humor consists of pop culture references 7 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:47:35 No.62945532 >>62945501 # >entire sense of humor is scatological/fart humor 112 KB PNG >>62945606 # : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:50:09 No.62945561 >entire sense of humor consists of racist caricatures and hating on liberals 50 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:51:57 No.62945581 >entire sense of humor consists of self-deprecation and irony 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:54:49 No.62945606 >>62945532 # >entire sense of humor consists of sexual innuendos 50 KB JPG >>62945643 2# : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:58:09 No.62945643 >>62945606 # >entire sense of humor consists of strange noises and weird motions 163 KB PNG >>62945971 #
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:43:11 No.62945469 >entire sense of humor consists of pop culture references 7 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:47:35 No.62945532 >>62945501 # >entire sense of humor is scatological/fart humor 112 KB PNG >>62945606 # : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:50:09 No.62945561 >entire sense of humor consists of racist caricatures and hating on liberals 50 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:51:57 No.62945581 >entire sense of humor consists of self-deprecation and irony 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:54:49 No.62945606 >>62945532 # >entire sense of humor consists of sexual innuendos 50 KB JPG >>62945643 2# : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:58:09 No.62945643 >>62945606 # >entire sense of humor consists of strange noises and weird motions 163 KB PNG >>62945971 #

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anon is corageous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/12/20(Sat)06:38:45 No.835882362 Greentext's are dumb but f--- it. I have a story to tell >Me at college >Be at library. Looking for some books 394 KB PNG >See a girl sitting at a random table >She's f------ adorable. Dark hair, mesmerizing green eyes >not the most confided guy but think F--- it. l'll try >walk up to her and say a cheesy pick up line >doesn't respond >"Excuse me?" >She notices me and looks up at me >does something in sign language >Turns out she's deaf >excuse myself and turn around defeated. Way to embarrased to keep the conversation going >stop myself half way out the library >gather up all my courage and walk back >sit down next to her and write "You're cute. Want to go out?" On a sticky note >she reads it and looks at me >I smile like a dumbass while she looks me over >she eventually nods and scribbles her number on the note >her name is Alice >we go out that Friday >we have a great time >fast forward to a few months later >we're officially dating >learn sign language for her >getting pretty good at it >the first thing I learned to sign was "I love you" >Fast forward again to yesterday >Today is the day >Me, Her mom, brother and me are sitting in the doctor's office >they gradually turn up her implant >she starts crying because she hears her mom for the first time >I remain silent >her mom and brother and talking to her, crying all the while >eventually she looks at me >l move closer to he >tell her something I wanted to say from the day | met her in the library >"I love you. Please marry me" She said yes. I made the greatest day of her life just a little bit better. I love her so much 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 09/12/20(Sat)06:38:45 No.835882362 Greentext's are dumb but f--- it. I have a story to tell >Me at college >Be at library. Looking for some books 394 KB PNG >See a girl sitting at a random table >She's f------ adorable. Dark hair, mesmerizing green eyes >not the most confided guy but think F--- it. l'll try >walk up to her and say a cheesy pick up line >doesn't respond >"Excuse me?" >She notices me and looks up at me >does something in sign language >Turns out she's deaf >excuse myself and turn around defeated. Way to embarrased to keep the conversation going >stop myself half way out the library >gather up all my courage and walk back >sit down next to her and write "You're cute. Want to go out?" On a sticky note >she reads it and looks at me >I smile like a dumbass while she looks me over >she eventually nods and scribbles her number on the note >her name is Alice >we go out that Friday >we have a great time >fast forward to a few months later >we're officially dating >learn sign language for her >getting pretty good at it >the first thing I learned to sign was "I love you" >Fast forward again to yesterday >Today is the day >Me, Her mom, brother and me are sitting in the doctor's office >they gradually turn up her implant >she starts crying because she hears her mom for the first time >I remain silent >her mom and brother and talking to her, crying all the while >eventually she looks at me >l move closer to he >tell her something I wanted to say from the day | met her in the library >"I love you. Please marry me" She said yes. I made the greatest day of her life just a little bit better. I love her so much 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon has a bad day | /r/Greentext

1534336789128.png, 476KIB, 750x477 Anonymous Wed 03 Apr 2019 17:22:32 No.112369002 View >go to dentist >the assistant is a qt 3.14 >"hold up mr. anon, i have to get the brace to hold your mouth open" >"heh heh, no need ma'am!" >do pic related >she looks at me odd >"go ahead, start drilling!" >they have to gas me so i pass out cause i won't co-operate >wake up >ask for my toy >she tells me to leave >don't get a toy >on the way out see a f----- little boy with a cool little plastic water gun that could've been mine >become The Joker all it takes is one bad day
1534336789128.png, 476KIB, 750x477 Anonymous Wed 03 Apr 2019 17:22:32 No.112369002 View >go to dentist >the assistant is a qt 3.14 >"hold up mr. anon, i have to get the brace to hold your mouth open" >"heh heh, no need ma'am!" >do pic related >she looks at me odd >"go ahead, start drilling!" >they have to gas me so i pass out cause i won't co-operate >wake up >ask for my toy >she tells me to leave >don't get a toy >on the way out see a f----- little boy with a cool little plastic water gun that could've been mine >become The Joker all it takes is one bad day

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Anon gives advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)19:16:44 No.62937821 >go to school >do coursework >play vidya >go to sleep I was trapped in this cycle for years and years until I finally burnt out on vidya. If you aren't willing to spend some of your free time 22 KB JPG self improving, socializing etc. then you'll stay a depressed loser.
: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)19:16:44 No.62937821 >go to school >do coursework >play vidya >go to sleep I was trapped in this cycle for years and years until I finally burnt out on vidya. If you aren't willing to spend some of your free time 22 KB JPG self improving, socializing etc. then you'll stay a depressed loser.

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Anon has a female friend | /r/Greentext

2h (3/27 12:40) · 850635545 44 Re · 3 Img · JPG · 6KB · (236 × 198) 19 Replies >at my favourite bar >female frend is there >she and her bf just broke up >she's drunk out of her mind >strokes my hair and hugs me a lot whilst we drink away >she asks me to go to her place >i say no because i feel like i would be exploiting her >we agree to meet up the next day >ff >she doesnt come >call her >no response >text her >no response >ff a week later >she has a new boyfriend now >wont even talk to me did i do good, anons? i feel like s--- ever since and i have no idea how to move forward.
2h (3/27 12:40) · 850635545 44 Re · 3 Img · JPG · 6KB · (236 × 198) 19 Replies >at my favourite bar >female frend is there >she and her bf just broke up >she's drunk out of her mind >strokes my hair and hugs me a lot whilst we drink away >she asks me to go to her place >i say no because i feel like i would be exploiting her >we agree to meet up the next day >ff >she doesnt come >call her >no response >text her >no response >ff a week later >she has a new boyfriend now >wont even talk to me did i do good, anons? i feel like s--- ever since and i have no idea how to move forward.

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Anon might be bi | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)18:52:25 No.19750008 >be straight guy >sometimes when I'm f------ a girl I space out and imagine l'm the one with a p---- getting f----- Is this normal or am I secretly bi or something? 717 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)18:53:50 No.19750024 sorry sir you're going to have to see a gender therapist and get on HRT immediately >>19750071 # : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)18:56:18 No.19750046 This has to be bait, right? >>19750071 #
: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)18:52:25 No.19750008 >be straight guy >sometimes when I'm f------ a girl I space out and imagine l'm the one with a p---- getting f----- Is this normal or am I secretly bi or something? 717 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)18:53:50 No.19750024 sorry sir you're going to have to see a gender therapist and get on HRT immediately >>19750071 # : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)18:56:18 No.19750046 This has to be bait, right? >>19750071 #

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Anon sees a woman | /r/Greentext

File: 1601015323451.jpg (39 KB, 720x488) O Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)17:31:28 No.62940120 [Reply] >walking through town >girl smiles at me >scream in her face >laugh and walk away stupid bitch will never lead on another random guy again Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)17:32:37 No.62940137 yeah, you're clearly the winner in this scenario
File: 1601015323451.jpg (39 KB, 720x488) O Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)17:31:28 No.62940120 [Reply] >walking through town >girl smiles at me >scream in her face >laugh and walk away stupid bitch will never lead on another random guy again Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)17:32:37 No.62940137 yeah, you're clearly the winner in this scenario

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Anon joins a new hobby | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/26/19(Fri)20:29:57 No.805596697 >Really like Warhammer 40K >Favourite Chapter Black Templar's >Decide to buy fall scale chapter flag to hang in rear windscreen of car 264 KB JPG >Driving to work.org >Hear sirens behind me >Pulled over to side of road >Police ask me why I am hanging Nazi flag in rear window >Try and explain its fictional and not Nazi and part of a hobby >Police don't believe me, confiscate flag, fine me £500.00 >Due to appear in Magistrates court 26th August for inciting racial hatred NO PITY, NO FEAR, NO REMORSE!
: Anonymous 07/26/19(Fri)20:29:57 No.805596697 >Really like Warhammer 40K >Favourite Chapter Black Templar's >Decide to buy fall scale chapter flag to hang in rear windscreen of car 264 KB JPG >Driving to work.org >Hear sirens behind me >Pulled over to side of road >Police ask me why I am hanging Nazi flag in rear window >Try and explain its fictional and not Nazi and part of a hobby >Police don't believe me, confiscate flag, fine me £500.00 >Due to appear in Magistrates court 26th August for inciting racial hatred NO PITY, NO FEAR, NO REMORSE!

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based and arielpilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/19(Thu)07:21:22 No.111176494 The Little Mermaid left 'shaking and crying' after being groped by a convicted sex offender at Disney World By BRIAN NIEMIETZ NEW YORK DAILY NEWS I NOV 06, 2019| 1:24 PM ADVERT Noven Eye Donati Give the gift of sigh Sign up to at EyeDoi Convicted sexoffender Brian Sherman (Ohtained hy New York Daily News dw.png 726 KB PNG >have the option to grope any Disney Princess you want >choose Ariel What the f--- was he thinking?
: Anonymous 11/07/19(Thu)07:21:22 No.111176494 The Little Mermaid left 'shaking and crying' after being groped by a convicted sex offender at Disney World By BRIAN NIEMIETZ NEW YORK DAILY NEWS I NOV 06, 2019| 1:24 PM ADVERT Noven Eye Donati Give the gift of sigh Sign up to at EyeDoi Convicted sexoffender Brian Sherman (Ohtained hy New York Daily News dw.png 726 KB PNG >have the option to grope any Disney Princess you want >choose Ariel What the f--- was he thinking?

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Greased lightning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)21:13:20 No.62945841 >finally get a match on tinder >3/10 but at least it's someone >invite her over to my house >few minutes after she gets there >"oh i just remembered I have a piece of fried chicken in my car i'm 4 KB JPG gonna go grab it" >mfw she never comes back
: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)21:13:20 No.62945841 >finally get a match on tinder >3/10 but at least it's someone >invite her over to my house >few minutes after she gets there >"oh i just remembered I have a piece of fried chicken in my car i'm 4 KB JPG gonna go grab it" >mfw she never comes back

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Listen to the trees | /r/Greentext

File: images.jpg (10 KB, 231x218) O Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)09:05:50 No.62937468 [Reply] >>62937486 >Had dozens of angry voicemails >All from carpenters >Turns out I had got high and called them threatening to m----- their planks of wood >Even threatened to shove sawdust up my a------ W-- is wrong with me Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)09:07:35 No.62937486 >>62937468 (OP)# Get high again and call your local florists.
File: images.jpg (10 KB, 231x218) O Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)09:05:50 No.62937468 [Reply] >>62937486 >Had dozens of angry voicemails >All from carpenters >Turns out I had got high and called them threatening to m----- their planks of wood >Even threatened to shove sawdust up my a------ W-- is wrong with me Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)09:07:35 No.62937486 >>62937468 (OP)# Get high again and call your local florists.

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Anon is French | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)23:20:59 No.850692739 >be me, Frenchman >wake up >don't shower or bursh teeth >put on my striped shirt and beret >have my breakfast c-------- >take bus to work 78 KB JPG >bus driver stops midroute because he's on strike >hop off, start the long walk to work in my bare feet >sidewalk is unfinished because the construction workers are on strike >trudge through the mud and find a couple snails to snack on >finally get to the office building >can't get inside because the doorman's on strike >call my (female) boss to tell her l'll be late >she says it's ok because she's on strike too >it's now 10 am, time for my union-mandated 3 hour lunch >track mud inside the restaurant >ask the waiter for the lunch special >he brings me two cigarettes and a cup of wine >eat standing up because the chairs are on strike >go home at 12 and take my union-mandated 5 day weekend yet another day I'm glad I'm not an american
: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)23:20:59 No.850692739 >be me, Frenchman >wake up >don't shower or bursh teeth >put on my striped shirt and beret >have my breakfast c-------- >take bus to work 78 KB JPG >bus driver stops midroute because he's on strike >hop off, start the long walk to work in my bare feet >sidewalk is unfinished because the construction workers are on strike >trudge through the mud and find a couple snails to snack on >finally get to the office building >can't get inside because the doorman's on strike >call my (female) boss to tell her l'll be late >she says it's ok because she's on strike too >it's now 10 am, time for my union-mandated 3 hour lunch >track mud inside the restaurant >ask the waiter for the lunch special >he brings me two cigarettes and a cup of wine >eat standing up because the chairs are on strike >go home at 12 and take my union-mandated 5 day weekend yet another day I'm glad I'm not an american

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Anon is a scientist | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 09/11/15(Fri)14:56:15 No.22235008 It's some trap an anon posted a few days ago. I didn't save the pics with her d--- in them because l'm not gay 244 KB JPG >>22235082 # >>22235105 # : Anonymous 09/11/15(Fri)14:59:53 No.22235082 >>22235008 # >as long as you can't see the d--- it's not gay Schrodinger's f-----
| Anonymous 09/11/15(Fri)14:56:15 No.22235008 It's some trap an anon posted a few days ago. I didn't save the pics with her d--- in them because l'm not gay 244 KB JPG >>22235082 # >>22235105 # : Anonymous 09/11/15(Fri)14:59:53 No.22235082 >>22235008 # >as long as you can't see the d--- it's not gay Schrodinger's f-----

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous im trying bros 03/27/21(Sat)23:47:53 No.62944718 >be me >giga depressed >barely take care of myself >try my hardest to keep my house somewhat presentable so friends can come over 42 KB PNG >friends hang out and we drink brewskies >they toss empty beer cans around indiscriminately >toss miscellaneous garbage from snacks/food all over the place >piss all over my toilet >"anon it's getting nasty in here, it stinks, you need to f------ clean it" >mfw
: Anonymous im trying bros 03/27/21(Sat)23:47:53 No.62944718 >be me >giga depressed >barely take care of myself >try my hardest to keep my house somewhat presentable so friends can come over 42 KB PNG >friends hang out and we drink brewskies >they toss empty beer cans around indiscriminately >toss miscellaneous garbage from snacks/food all over the place >piss all over my toilet >"anon it's getting nasty in here, it stinks, you need to f------ clean it" >mfw

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Anon talks himself into trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)16:36:11 No.62938771 >talking with GF about internet culture >she's a normie >tell her about incels, redditors, you f------, hentai and such >of course I didn't tell her I watch 141 KB JPG that s--- >of course I f------ do what do you expect >we start to go in depth about hentai >"seems kinda farfetched anon, do u think people actually get turned on with hentai?" >"uuuh, yeah, of course" >"how do you know?" >mfw I haven't responded since yesterday, what do
: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)16:36:11 No.62938771 >talking with GF about internet culture >she's a normie >tell her about incels, redditors, you f------, hentai and such >of course I didn't tell her I watch 141 KB JPG that s--- >of course I f------ do what do you expect >we start to go in depth about hentai >"seems kinda farfetched anon, do u think people actually get turned on with hentai?" >"uuuh, yeah, of course" >"how do you know?" >mfw I haven't responded since yesterday, what do

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Anon sees the sad truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids
: Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids

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Femanon wanted to fit in | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:46:35 No.850658836 >be me >femanon >attending high school atm >can't fit in because i think that everyone is f------ retarded >practically gave up on social life >actually think all women are (attention) w----- 7 KB JPG and just generally hate females >no social media >tried reddit but disliked it >have been scrolling through 4chan recently >actually feel some sort of comfort when i see people feeling somewhat the same as me >thank you anons : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:47:41 No.850658912 >>850658836 (OP)# T--- Or Gtfo : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:50:00 No.850659069 >>850658836 (OP) # T--- or gtfo. Also if youre still in highschool, you aint more intelligent than any other of the mouth breathers there. Every single highschooler thinks theyre on a other level.(theyre not) Just takes some life wisdom to see this. : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:50:48 No.850659128 >>850658836 (OP) # All im seeing is " blah blah blah blah blah" until i see t--- and a timestamp. II
: Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:46:35 No.850658836 >be me >femanon >attending high school atm >can't fit in because i think that everyone is f------ retarded >practically gave up on social life >actually think all women are (attention) w----- 7 KB JPG and just generally hate females >no social media >tried reddit but disliked it >have been scrolling through 4chan recently >actually feel some sort of comfort when i see people feeling somewhat the same as me >thank you anons : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:47:41 No.850658912 >>850658836 (OP)# T--- Or Gtfo : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:50:00 No.850659069 >>850658836 (OP) # T--- or gtfo. Also if youre still in highschool, you aint more intelligent than any other of the mouth breathers there. Every single highschooler thinks theyre on a other level.(theyre not) Just takes some life wisdom to see this. : Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)12:50:48 No.850659128 >>850658836 (OP) # All im seeing is " blah blah blah blah blah" until i see t--- and a timestamp. II

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Anon achieved the greatest accomplishment | /r/Greentext

>At the age of 24 Neitzsche became the chair of Classical Philology at the University of Basel >At the age of 25 Goethe was already famous among literary circles and published his first 113 KB JPG novel >At the age of 18 Pascal invented a calculator >At the age of 26 Schopenhauer began writing his magnum opus What have you accomplished so far? : Anonymous05/03/20(Sun)02:48:32 No.15257906 I'm happy 64 KB JPG >>15257924 # >>15258071 # >>15258080 # >>15258111 # >>15258114# >>15258122 # >>15258504 # >>15258801 #
>At the age of 24 Neitzsche became the chair of Classical Philology at the University of Basel >At the age of 25 Goethe was already famous among literary circles and published his first 113 KB JPG novel >At the age of 18 Pascal invented a calculator >At the age of 26 Schopenhauer began writing his magnum opus What have you accomplished so far? : Anonymous05/03/20(Sun)02:48:32 No.15257906 I'm happy 64 KB JPG >>15257924 # >>15258071 # >>15258080 # >>15258111 # >>15258114# >>15258122 # >>15258504 # >>15258801 #

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