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Anon is horny | /r/Greentext

O My omegle story 03/29/21(Mon)16:19:02 No.62966857 [Reply] >>62966889 >be me >horny >go on omegle unmoderated >find a girl after having to see 200 crusty old d---- >Anon can you please dirty talk to me it turns me on so much >dirtytalk.exe >Im a pro at this boys >show me you- >voicecrack.exe >she stares for a second and instantly skips Mfw
O My omegle story 03/29/21(Mon)16:19:02 No.62966857 [Reply] >>62966889 >be me >horny >go on omegle unmoderated >find a girl after having to see 200 crusty old d---- >Anon can you please dirty talk to me it turns me on so much >dirtytalk.exe >Im a pro at this boys >show me you- >voicecrack.exe >she stares for a second and instantly skips Mfw

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Anon loses 2 years of progress | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)17:40:26 No.62967087 >stopped wearing retainer for 2 weeks >teeth shifted back and can no longer fit retainer 2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks C. 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)17:42:47 No.62967116 >>62967087 (OP) # >2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks thats life
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)17:40:26 No.62967087 >stopped wearing retainer for 2 weeks >teeth shifted back and can no longer fit retainer 2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks C. 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)17:42:47 No.62967116 >>62967087 (OP) # >2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks thats life

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Anon reads a diary | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)00:30:46 No.850777929 >be me >anxious >have girlfriend of 3+ years >skim some recent entries of her journal because anxious >get to an entry titled "desired dream reality" 107 KB PNG >wat.exe >entire entry is about how she is accepted into hogwarts from harry potter and starts dating this dude >she goes on about how her family is okay while she's off at hogwarts f------ this dude >im not in it at all >read further, there's a second entry similar to the first >mfw I google it and its supposed to cause you to dream about what you wrote >mfw I got cucked by harry potter
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)00:30:46 No.850777929 >be me >anxious >have girlfriend of 3+ years >skim some recent entries of her journal because anxious >get to an entry titled "desired dream reality" 107 KB PNG >wat.exe >entire entry is about how she is accepted into hogwarts from harry potter and starts dating this dude >she goes on about how her family is okay while she's off at hogwarts f------ this dude >im not in it at all >read further, there's a second entry similar to the first >mfw I google it and its supposed to cause you to dream about what you wrote >mfw I got cucked by harry potter

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Anon makes redstone device | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)15:04:57 No.62965726 >get on minecraft >make some redstone device im SHES proud of >dont know if its actually good or not >go on r/redstone to see if the thing i made is actually decent >some kid on their phone made a whole f------ 30 KB JPG cpu in minecraft why cant i just have one moment where i feel like im not a failure? 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)15:04:57 No.62965726 >get on minecraft >make some redstone device im SHES proud of >dont know if its actually good or not >go on r/redstone to see if the thing i made is actually decent >some kid on their phone made a whole f------ 30 KB JPG cpu in minecraft why cant i just have one moment where i feel like im not a failure? 2 Replies View Thread

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Three way stop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)10:36:15 No.62908594 >*Your friends Chad and Brad leave the table, leaving you alone with Chad's girlfriend until one of you awkwardly leaves because you both know you have nothing to say D alamy stock photo to each other* 7 KB JPG >*You both spend a minute on your phones* >So... Anon... who was your girlfriend again... Oh... >*More awkward silence as you're on your phones* >Um, Anon, I have a class in 40 minutes, nice to see you... >*She walks away in a visibly relieved manner* 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)10:39:07 No.62908625 Virgin perception: >this is awkward and it's my fault because I'm awkward Norman perception: >this is awkward because we're both being awkward Chad perception: >this is awkward because she's being awkward
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)10:36:15 No.62908594 >*Your friends Chad and Brad leave the table, leaving you alone with Chad's girlfriend until one of you awkwardly leaves because you both know you have nothing to say D alamy stock photo to each other* 7 KB JPG >*You both spend a minute on your phones* >So... Anon... who was your girlfriend again... Oh... >*More awkward silence as you're on your phones* >Um, Anon, I have a class in 40 minutes, nice to see you... >*She walks away in a visibly relieved manner* 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)10:39:07 No.62908625 Virgin perception: >this is awkward and it's my fault because I'm awkward Norman perception: >this is awkward because we're both being awkward Chad perception: >this is awkward because she's being awkward

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Anon's a coomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:36:27 No.62962978 >coomed so many times I slept for 14 hours after I didn't keep count, but I definitely coomed into the double-digits. 414 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:38:04 No.62962994 >coom sleep for 10 hours and wake up tired >don't coom sleep for 6 and wake up fine And I've observed this multiple 98 KB JPG times The Nofap schizos are definitely right
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:36:27 No.62962978 >coomed so many times I slept for 14 hours after I didn't keep count, but I definitely coomed into the double-digits. 414 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:38:04 No.62962994 >coom sleep for 10 hours and wake up tired >don't coom sleep for 6 and wake up fine And I've observed this multiple 98 KB JPG times The Nofap schizos are definitely right

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Anon is gay | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 12/22/20(Tue)16:47:26 No.614999 It happened tonight. >girl came over >she hugs me in the doorway >something kicks in and I go for the kiss >she returns it and we start making out >go to my bedroom 288 KB JPG >immediately get into bed >hugging, kissing, touching everywhere >l can't get a boner >she realizes it's not going to happen >we talk for an hour about normal stuff >she leaves I f----- it up didn't 1? At least I had a kiss and hug now
:Anonymous 12/22/20(Tue)16:47:26 No.614999 It happened tonight. >girl came over >she hugs me in the doorway >something kicks in and I go for the kiss >she returns it and we start making out >go to my bedroom 288 KB JPG >immediately get into bed >hugging, kissing, touching everywhere >l can't get a boner >she realizes it's not going to happen >we talk for an hour about normal stuff >she leaves I f----- it up didn't 1? At least I had a kiss and hug now

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Anon downloads Tinder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)00:52:57 No.846790387 >be me >Lonely >Donwload tinder >Swipe right to everyone because i dont really care about looks AND i am extremely desperate >Get some matches, roughly 5 >3 of them are qt3.14 136 KB PNG >Message one of them >"hey what's up want to do drugs together?" >She unmatches me What the f--- is wrong with me
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)00:52:57 No.846790387 >be me >Lonely >Donwload tinder >Swipe right to everyone because i dont really care about looks AND i am extremely desperate >Get some matches, roughly 5 >3 of them are qt3.14 136 KB PNG >Message one of them >"hey what's up want to do drugs together?" >She unmatches me What the f--- is wrong with me

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Dad is a smoker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:17:29 No.62954433 >retard dad never stops smoking cigarettes >hes a poorfag and goes even poorer just smoking cigarettes >every single f------ day i smell cigarettes >i already have enough health 62 KB JPG problems so i just like fresh air, windows open, maybe vaping some weed but mostly just fresh air >nope >as soon as i wake up every f------ day all i smell is f------ cigarettes >have to worry about my cat breathing it in jesus f------ christ just let them die or let me leave : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:21:30 No.62954487 >>62954433 (OP) # iktf i have a smokers cough and ive never smoked at all i will forever resent my parents for smoking around me especially as a 82 KB JPG baby and a child >>62954506 #
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:17:29 No.62954433 >retard dad never stops smoking cigarettes >hes a poorfag and goes even poorer just smoking cigarettes >every single f------ day i smell cigarettes >i already have enough health 62 KB JPG problems so i just like fresh air, windows open, maybe vaping some weed but mostly just fresh air >nope >as soon as i wake up every f------ day all i smell is f------ cigarettes >have to worry about my cat breathing it in jesus f------ christ just let them die or let me leave : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:21:30 No.62954487 >>62954433 (OP) # iktf i have a smokers cough and ive never smoked at all i will forever resent my parents for smoking around me especially as a 82 KB JPG baby and a child >>62954506 #

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Anon dislikes water | /r/Greentext

File: 16011938.jpg (36 KB, 270x378) Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)12:40:28 No.850796843 [Reply] >shower >feel cold >turn up the heat >not warm enough >turn it up higher >it burns me w--? why is water such a d---?
File: 16011938.jpg (36 KB, 270x378) Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)12:40:28 No.850796843 [Reply] >shower >feel cold >turn up the heat >not warm enough >turn it up higher >it burns me w--? why is water such a d---?

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Anon is clumsy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)07:20:05 No.62962561 >accidentally knock over pasta sauce display at grocery store >worker lady asks if I'm dumb and tells me to wait there >sneak out when she wasn't looking Well I guess I can't go to the 60 KB JPG grocery store by my house anymore
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)07:20:05 No.62962561 >accidentally knock over pasta sauce display at grocery store >worker lady asks if I'm dumb and tells me to wait there >sneak out when she wasn't looking Well I guess I can't go to the 60 KB JPG grocery store by my house anymore

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Anon hates youtube | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)14:10:55 No.85073809 >Be me >watching youtube >"Today's video is sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends!" >day ruined 39 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)14:10:55 No.85073809 >Be me >watching youtube >"Today's video is sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends!" >day ruined 39 KB JPG

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Anon found out that god exists | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:14:26 No.28051995 >be me, 12 years old >poor af >no food in house, parents out getting Believe it or not Eraserhead is my most spintual film. Elaborate on that. wasted >pray to god to help me eat >i go outside for a walk >$20 bill sitting on the floor 83 KB JPG Did my prayer really get answered so literally? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:16:40 No.28052017 God is trustworthy
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:14:26 No.28051995 >be me, 12 years old >poor af >no food in house, parents out getting Believe it or not Eraserhead is my most spintual film. Elaborate on that. wasted >pray to god to help me eat >i go outside for a walk >$20 bill sitting on the floor 83 KB JPG Did my prayer really get answered so literally? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:16:40 No.28052017 God is trustworthy

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Mom won't give me her piss jar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:32:15 No.62953260 >mom wants me to get a job but she won't even piss in a jar so I can pass drug tests I HATE WOMEN 25 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:32:15 No.62953260 >mom wants me to get a job but she won't even piss in a jar so I can pass drug tests I HATE WOMEN 25 KB JPG

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Anon pretends to be deaf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)13:18:37 No.850555835 The most autistic you've ever been? This happened to me a few days ago. >be me >just walking, cuz i needed some fresh air >near the station in my town, there were some promoters (is that what they're called? Basically students hired to sell you some s--- on the street) >i hate being talked to outside, usually wear big headphones to prevent that >walk past them, they look at me, i only see them through my peripheral >they're coming >"excuse me, do you have a minute?" >s---, what do i do >lightbulb.jpeg >act like you are deaf >do some hand gestures, dont know what i said, propably something autistic >"oh, sorry about that" >"no problem" >Keep walking and realize 5min later that i propably am retarded
Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)13:18:37 No.850555835 The most autistic you've ever been? This happened to me a few days ago. >be me >just walking, cuz i needed some fresh air >near the station in my town, there were some promoters (is that what they're called? Basically students hired to sell you some s--- on the street) >i hate being talked to outside, usually wear big headphones to prevent that >walk past them, they look at me, i only see them through my peripheral >they're coming >"excuse me, do you have a minute?" >s---, what do i do >lightbulb.jpeg >act like you are deaf >do some hand gestures, dont know what i said, propably something autistic >"oh, sorry about that" >"no problem" >Keep walking and realize 5min later that i propably am retarded

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Anon plays a funny video | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:19:02 No.850782905 OP with another >be me >listening to music on the bus with headphones >friend texts me a link to a funny 1.67 MB PNG video >ramranch.mp4 >never heard of it, no idea what I'm in for >EIGHTEEN NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAM RANCH >EIGHTEEN COWBOY COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED >EIGHTEEN COWBOYS WANTING TO BE F----- >before I can turn it down the people near me overhear >man on my left just looks puzzled >kid in front of me giggles >man on my right says "I did something like that in the 90s" >get off at the next stop and wait for another bus
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:19:02 No.850782905 OP with another >be me >listening to music on the bus with headphones >friend texts me a link to a funny 1.67 MB PNG video >ramranch.mp4 >never heard of it, no idea what I'm in for >EIGHTEEN NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAM RANCH >EIGHTEEN COWBOY COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED >EIGHTEEN COWBOYS WANTING TO BE F----- >before I can turn it down the people near me overhear >man on my left just looks puzzled >kid in front of me giggles >man on my right says "I did something like that in the 90s" >get off at the next stop and wait for another bus

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What are you doing anonbro? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)15:38:35 No.850782189 >Step sister moving stuff in her room >Shelf falls over and traps her arm >She yells for my help >"Anon, please, help me. Im Stuck" >I get horny and notice where this is going >I whip out my weiner 2 KB JPG >She yells what the f--- >My dad and mother walk in >Both flip out >They call the cops and i get arrested What the f--- Brazzers and BangBros? You all f------ lied to me
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)15:38:35 No.850782189 >Step sister moving stuff in her room >Shelf falls over and traps her arm >She yells for my help >"Anon, please, help me. Im Stuck" >I get horny and notice where this is going >I whip out my weiner 2 KB JPG >She yells what the f--- >My dad and mother walk in >Both flip out >They call the cops and i get arrested What the f--- Brazzers and BangBros? You all f------ lied to me

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Anon makes fun of Redditors | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)11:02:55 No.62964289 Reddit >be you >redditor >too much of a retard to go on /r9k/ for greentexts >go on r/greentext instead >find an old greentext from 2015 being reposted for the 488th time >its about anon who was 13 at the time and said opsee 52 KB JPG something stupid to his crush and was laughed at by the entire class >drop a comment where you call anon a loser and use the greentext to interpret his entire life and predict his entire future through the power of projection >wait for 4 hours staring at the screen >it got an updoot by another f----- >coom your pants order your favourite pizza as celebration >pic related
: Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)11:02:55 No.62964289 Reddit >be you >redditor >too much of a retard to go on /r9k/ for greentexts >go on r/greentext instead >find an old greentext from 2015 being reposted for the 488th time >its about anon who was 13 at the time and said opsee 52 KB JPG something stupid to his crush and was laughed at by the entire class >drop a comment where you call anon a loser and use the greentext to interpret his entire life and predict his entire future through the power of projection >wait for 4 hours staring at the screen >it got an updoot by another f----- >coom your pants order your favourite pizza as celebration >pic related

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Anon is never Alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:39:39 No.62956468 >be me >1st grade >s--- my pants big time like a retard >ohfuckitssquingy.json >go to the bathroom to assess the damage >walk into the bathroom 15 KB JPG >another stall closed with somebody in it >f--- >see their legs from under the door >legs are smeared with s--- chunks and other pieces of ass ham >w-- >go into the next stall to assess my ass catastrophe as well you are never alone bros
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:39:39 No.62956468 >be me >1st grade >s--- my pants big time like a retard >ohfuckitssquingy.json >go to the bathroom to assess the damage >walk into the bathroom 15 KB JPG >another stall closed with somebody in it >f--- >see their legs from under the door >legs are smeared with s--- chunks and other pieces of ass ham >w-- >go into the next stall to assess my ass catastrophe as well you are never alone bros

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Anon didn't think it through | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)00:31:55 No.55031861 >be 7 yo me >live with mom only >she has to work so she would leave me with this 15 yo nanny >one day nanny's boyfriend shows up at home >they go and spend 1 hour inside 100 KB JPG the bathroom >at 7 yo i was well aware they were f------ >call her out on it after she leaves the bathroom saying "heh you were having sex naked" >nanny says if i didn't tell mom she would teach me how to mouth kiss >say i wouldn't tell but only if she touched my pp >they then argue if i told on them they'd tell mom i asked nanny to touch my pp >"f--- they got me" and leave it at that
: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)00:31:55 No.55031861 >be 7 yo me >live with mom only >she has to work so she would leave me with this 15 yo nanny >one day nanny's boyfriend shows up at home >they go and spend 1 hour inside 100 KB JPG the bathroom >at 7 yo i was well aware they were f------ >call her out on it after she leaves the bathroom saying "heh you were having sex naked" >nanny says if i didn't tell mom she would teach me how to mouth kiss >say i wouldn't tell but only if she touched my pp >they then argue if i told on them they'd tell mom i asked nanny to touch my pp >"f--- they got me" and leave it at that

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