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Anon dislikes water | /r/Greentext

File: 16011938.jpg (36 KB, 270x378) Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)12:40:28 No.850796843 [Reply] >shower >feel cold >turn up the heat >not warm enough >turn it up higher >it burns me w--? why is water such a d---?
File: 16011938.jpg (36 KB, 270x378) Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)12:40:28 No.850796843 [Reply] >shower >feel cold >turn up the heat >not warm enough >turn it up higher >it burns me w--? why is water such a d---?

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Anon is clumsy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)07:20:05 No.62962561 >accidentally knock over pasta sauce display at grocery store >worker lady asks if I'm dumb and tells me to wait there >sneak out when she wasn't looking Well I guess I can't go to the 60 KB JPG grocery store by my house anymore
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)07:20:05 No.62962561 >accidentally knock over pasta sauce display at grocery store >worker lady asks if I'm dumb and tells me to wait there >sneak out when she wasn't looking Well I guess I can't go to the 60 KB JPG grocery store by my house anymore

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Anon hates youtube | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)14:10:55 No.85073809 >Be me >watching youtube >"Today's video is sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends!" >day ruined 39 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)14:10:55 No.85073809 >Be me >watching youtube >"Today's video is sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends!" >day ruined 39 KB JPG

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Anon found out that god exists | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:14:26 No.28051995 >be me, 12 years old >poor af >no food in house, parents out getting Believe it or not Eraserhead is my most spintual film. Elaborate on that. wasted >pray to god to help me eat >i go outside for a walk >$20 bill sitting on the floor 83 KB JPG Did my prayer really get answered so literally? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:16:40 No.28052017 God is trustworthy
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:14:26 No.28051995 >be me, 12 years old >poor af >no food in house, parents out getting Believe it or not Eraserhead is my most spintual film. Elaborate on that. wasted >pray to god to help me eat >i go outside for a walk >$20 bill sitting on the floor 83 KB JPG Did my prayer really get answered so literally? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:16:40 No.28052017 God is trustworthy

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Mom won't give me her piss jar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:32:15 No.62953260 >mom wants me to get a job but she won't even piss in a jar so I can pass drug tests I HATE WOMEN 25 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:32:15 No.62953260 >mom wants me to get a job but she won't even piss in a jar so I can pass drug tests I HATE WOMEN 25 KB JPG

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Anon pretends to be deaf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)13:18:37 No.850555835 The most autistic you've ever been? This happened to me a few days ago. >be me >just walking, cuz i needed some fresh air >near the station in my town, there were some promoters (is that what they're called? Basically students hired to sell you some s--- on the street) >i hate being talked to outside, usually wear big headphones to prevent that >walk past them, they look at me, i only see them through my peripheral >they're coming >"excuse me, do you have a minute?" >s---, what do i do >lightbulb.jpeg >act like you are deaf >do some hand gestures, dont know what i said, propably something autistic >"oh, sorry about that" >"no problem" >Keep walking and realize 5min later that i propably am retarded
Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)13:18:37 No.850555835 The most autistic you've ever been? This happened to me a few days ago. >be me >just walking, cuz i needed some fresh air >near the station in my town, there were some promoters (is that what they're called? Basically students hired to sell you some s--- on the street) >i hate being talked to outside, usually wear big headphones to prevent that >walk past them, they look at me, i only see them through my peripheral >they're coming >"excuse me, do you have a minute?" >s---, what do i do >lightbulb.jpeg >act like you are deaf >do some hand gestures, dont know what i said, propably something autistic >"oh, sorry about that" >"no problem" >Keep walking and realize 5min later that i propably am retarded

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Anon plays a funny video | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:19:02 No.850782905 OP with another >be me >listening to music on the bus with headphones >friend texts me a link to a funny 1.67 MB PNG video >ramranch.mp4 >never heard of it, no idea what I'm in for >EIGHTEEN NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAM RANCH >EIGHTEEN COWBOY COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED >EIGHTEEN COWBOYS WANTING TO BE F----- >before I can turn it down the people near me overhear >man on my left just looks puzzled >kid in front of me giggles >man on my right says "I did something like that in the 90s" >get off at the next stop and wait for another bus
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:19:02 No.850782905 OP with another >be me >listening to music on the bus with headphones >friend texts me a link to a funny 1.67 MB PNG video >ramranch.mp4 >never heard of it, no idea what I'm in for >EIGHTEEN NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAM RANCH >EIGHTEEN COWBOY COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED >EIGHTEEN COWBOYS WANTING TO BE F----- >before I can turn it down the people near me overhear >man on my left just looks puzzled >kid in front of me giggles >man on my right says "I did something like that in the 90s" >get off at the next stop and wait for another bus

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What are you doing anonbro? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)15:38:35 No.850782189 >Step sister moving stuff in her room >Shelf falls over and traps her arm >She yells for my help >"Anon, please, help me. Im Stuck" >I get horny and notice where this is going >I whip out my weiner 2 KB JPG >She yells what the f--- >My dad and mother walk in >Both flip out >They call the cops and i get arrested What the f--- Brazzers and BangBros? You all f------ lied to me
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)15:38:35 No.850782189 >Step sister moving stuff in her room >Shelf falls over and traps her arm >She yells for my help >"Anon, please, help me. Im Stuck" >I get horny and notice where this is going >I whip out my weiner 2 KB JPG >She yells what the f--- >My dad and mother walk in >Both flip out >They call the cops and i get arrested What the f--- Brazzers and BangBros? You all f------ lied to me

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Anon makes fun of Redditors | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)11:02:55 No.62964289 Reddit >be you >redditor >too much of a retard to go on /r9k/ for greentexts >go on r/greentext instead >find an old greentext from 2015 being reposted for the 488th time >its about anon who was 13 at the time and said opsee 52 KB JPG something stupid to his crush and was laughed at by the entire class >drop a comment where you call anon a loser and use the greentext to interpret his entire life and predict his entire future through the power of projection >wait for 4 hours staring at the screen >it got an updoot by another f----- >coom your pants order your favourite pizza as celebration >pic related
: Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)11:02:55 No.62964289 Reddit >be you >redditor >too much of a retard to go on /r9k/ for greentexts >go on r/greentext instead >find an old greentext from 2015 being reposted for the 488th time >its about anon who was 13 at the time and said opsee 52 KB JPG something stupid to his crush and was laughed at by the entire class >drop a comment where you call anon a loser and use the greentext to interpret his entire life and predict his entire future through the power of projection >wait for 4 hours staring at the screen >it got an updoot by another f----- >coom your pants order your favourite pizza as celebration >pic related

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Anon is never Alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:39:39 No.62956468 >be me >1st grade >s--- my pants big time like a retard >ohfuckitssquingy.json >go to the bathroom to assess the damage >walk into the bathroom 15 KB JPG >another stall closed with somebody in it >f--- >see their legs from under the door >legs are smeared with s--- chunks and other pieces of ass ham >w-- >go into the next stall to assess my ass catastrophe as well you are never alone bros
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:39:39 No.62956468 >be me >1st grade >s--- my pants big time like a retard >ohfuckitssquingy.json >go to the bathroom to assess the damage >walk into the bathroom 15 KB JPG >another stall closed with somebody in it >f--- >see their legs from under the door >legs are smeared with s--- chunks and other pieces of ass ham >w-- >go into the next stall to assess my ass catastrophe as well you are never alone bros

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Anon didn't think it through | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)00:31:55 No.55031861 >be 7 yo me >live with mom only >she has to work so she would leave me with this 15 yo nanny >one day nanny's boyfriend shows up at home >they go and spend 1 hour inside 100 KB JPG the bathroom >at 7 yo i was well aware they were f------ >call her out on it after she leaves the bathroom saying "heh you were having sex naked" >nanny says if i didn't tell mom she would teach me how to mouth kiss >say i wouldn't tell but only if she touched my pp >they then argue if i told on them they'd tell mom i asked nanny to touch my pp >"f--- they got me" and leave it at that
: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)00:31:55 No.55031861 >be 7 yo me >live with mom only >she has to work so she would leave me with this 15 yo nanny >one day nanny's boyfriend shows up at home >they go and spend 1 hour inside 100 KB JPG the bathroom >at 7 yo i was well aware they were f------ >call her out on it after she leaves the bathroom saying "heh you were having sex naked" >nanny says if i didn't tell mom she would teach me how to mouth kiss >say i wouldn't tell but only if she touched my pp >they then argue if i told on them they'd tell mom i asked nanny to touch my pp >"f--- they got me" and leave it at that

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Anon makes it rain on the ladies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cringiest Alpha Moves 05/12/17(Fri)15:19:49 No.36972961 Part tof 3i Accepting Yeur Death >be me >be 14 or so >live in college apartments and above a cute girl >think of some way to impress her >lightbulb.png >walk downstairs one night to 475 KB PNG check my mail >quietly drop a $1 bill on the ground >cute girl outside, notices I dropped it >sir, you dropped your dollar bilI! >turn around slowly >"you can keep it" >walk away >mfw remembering this a few years later and realizing how cringe this was
: Anonymous Cringiest Alpha Moves 05/12/17(Fri)15:19:49 No.36972961 Part tof 3i Accepting Yeur Death >be me >be 14 or so >live in college apartments and above a cute girl >think of some way to impress her >lightbulb.png >walk downstairs one night to 475 KB PNG check my mail >quietly drop a $1 bill on the ground >cute girl outside, notices I dropped it >sir, you dropped your dollar bilI! >turn around slowly >"you can keep it" >walk away >mfw remembering this a few years later and realizing how cringe this was

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Anon works at Dunkin’ Donuts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:14:20 No.62961471 >Be me >Wagecuck >Work at dunkin donuts >Every morning this a------ drives up in his truck and orders a hot coffee >Makes a big deal about it being fresh and "piping hot" 87 KB PNG >becomes known around the store for being a pain in the ass to serve >one morning it's just me and another coworker >Truck guy pulls up and demands that we make it "fresh and hotter than yesterday" >Coworker makes coffee then he gets an idea >Takes the lid off and immediately dunks his balls in the coffee >Falls to the floor screaming, steaming coffee all over his balls and the floor >manager comes in and takes him to the hospital >Turns out he has second degree burns on his balls >Next day manager takes me aside and says if I tell anybody Dunkin will sue me >Pic related
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:14:20 No.62961471 >Be me >Wagecuck >Work at dunkin donuts >Every morning this a------ drives up in his truck and orders a hot coffee >Makes a big deal about it being fresh and "piping hot" 87 KB PNG >becomes known around the store for being a pain in the ass to serve >one morning it's just me and another coworker >Truck guy pulls up and demands that we make it "fresh and hotter than yesterday" >Coworker makes coffee then he gets an idea >Takes the lid off and immediately dunks his balls in the coffee >Falls to the floor screaming, steaming coffee all over his balls and the floor >manager comes in and takes him to the hospital >Turns out he has second degree burns on his balls >Next day manager takes me aside and says if I tell anybody Dunkin will sue me >Pic related

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Anon hits the showers | /r/Greentext

>middle school gym class >shower time >walk into shower >'hey look at anons d---, it's practically non existent' >they all start chanting 'tiny 90 KB JPG weenie anon" >coach comes in and breaks it up >he starts to say 'never judge a man by the size of his genitals, but by his act-' >coach looks down >jesus christ son, that thing hasn't grown since kindergarten has it?" >mfw
>middle school gym class >shower time >walk into shower >'hey look at anons d---, it's practically non existent' >they all start chanting 'tiny 90 KB JPG weenie anon" >coach comes in and breaks it up >he starts to say 'never judge a man by the size of his genitals, but by his act-' >coach looks down >jesus christ son, that thing hasn't grown since kindergarten has it?" >mfw

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Anon exposes the film industry | /r/Greentext

: Alan 03/28/21(Sun)16:17:35 No.148747818 >120 minute film >characters don't poop once 62 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread
: Alan 03/28/21(Sun)16:17:35 No.148747818 >120 minute film >characters don't poop once 62 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread

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Anon fell for a meme | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ..what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.
: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ..what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.

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Maybe Freud was right after all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:20:53 No.62956171 >be me >autist >draw p--- from my head >5 minute sketch >looks exactly like my mom 402 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:21:35 No.62956179 >>62956171 (OP) # Imagine what a 10 minute sketch will Iook like.
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:20:53 No.62956171 >be me >autist >draw p--- from my head >5 minute sketch >looks exactly like my mom 402 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:21:35 No.62956179 >>62956171 (OP) # Imagine what a 10 minute sketch will Iook like.

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Anon killed 2pac | /r/Greentext

>be me >in Las Vegas mostly losing money >see a cool pistol in a side street pawnshop >f--- if I've already blown a ton of money may as well get a new piece >shady as f--- in there >guy behind the counter is in wheelchair >nam vet crazy as f--- >whatever I just want the gun >he tells me it will be $600 >doesn't even ask for proof of age >walk out of store with pistol in pocket >walk back to strip to leave it in hotel room >see a guy in a car >im a little drunk and a little high >decide it will be funny to scare him >pull out pistol and point it at him >pull trigger expecting to hear click Pohfuckitwasloaded.jpeg >later find out that guy was 2pac I'm sorry guys, I confess, it was me.
>be me >in Las Vegas mostly losing money >see a cool pistol in a side street pawnshop >f--- if I've already blown a ton of money may as well get a new piece >shady as f--- in there >guy behind the counter is in wheelchair >nam vet crazy as f--- >whatever I just want the gun >he tells me it will be $600 >doesn't even ask for proof of age >walk out of store with pistol in pocket >walk back to strip to leave it in hotel room >see a guy in a car >im a little drunk and a little high >decide it will be funny to scare him >pull out pistol and point it at him >pull trigger expecting to hear click Pohfuckitwasloaded.jpeg >later find out that guy was 2pac I'm sorry guys, I confess, it was me.

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Anon is a normie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:11:22 No.850731724 >/b me >have girlfriend >we have this inside joke, always trying to get each other the cheesiest, most embarrassing love related gifts (like heart shaped cups with cringe quotes on it) or doing 64 KB JPG cringe love gestures >be me today >thinking that we must look like weird normies from the outside >wait a minute >are normies doing it ironically too? >f--- am I a normie in a normie relationship?
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:11:22 No.850731724 >/b me >have girlfriend >we have this inside joke, always trying to get each other the cheesiest, most embarrassing love related gifts (like heart shaped cups with cringe quotes on it) or doing 64 KB JPG cringe love gestures >be me today >thinking that we must look like weird normies from the outside >wait a minute >are normies doing it ironically too? >f--- am I a normie in a normie relationship?

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Anon points out double standard | /r/Greentext


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