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Anon puts an end to his family tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)19:20:09 No.62968108 >Grandparents had 3 children by 20 >Mother met my father by 19 and was one year away from having my brother >21 and still haven't kissed a single 3 KB JPG person before This isn't fair bros. What happened?
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)19:20:09 No.62968108 >Grandparents had 3 children by 20 >Mother met my father by 19 and was one year away from having my brother >21 and still haven't kissed a single 3 KB JPG person before This isn't fair bros. What happened?

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Normie doesn't understand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)14:10:16 No.62968711 >be me >redditor >go on /rnk/ for funny greentexts >lts all racism >lts all f------ racism >mfw 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)14:10:16 No.62968711 >be me >redditor >go on /rnk/ for funny greentexts >lts all racism >lts all f------ racism >mfw 29 KB JPG

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Anon has a problem | /r/Greentext

27m (3/30 8:51) · 62976684 O Re·0 Img · PNG · 377KB · (645 × 773) >be me >live in a small apartment with family >coomer >lockdowns start >can't beat my meat in my room >adapt >rub one out every time I take a s--- >fast forward 6 months >now everytime I smell s--- I get a r----------- >please help me guys I don't want to be a degenerate •..
27m (3/30 8:51) · 62976684 O Re·0 Img · PNG · 377KB · (645 × 773) >be me >live in a small apartment with family >coomer >lockdowns start >can't beat my meat in my room >adapt >rub one out every time I take a s--- >fast forward 6 months >now everytime I smell s--- I get a r----------- >please help me guys I don't want to be a degenerate •..

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Anon messed up big time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)22:58:50 No.62970818 >accidentally called gf 'mom' during sex 72 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)22:58:50 No.62970818 >accidentally called gf 'mom' during sex 72 KB JPG

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anon gets fucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)16:36:32 No.62975429 my one tinder hookup >swipe on cute 7/10 arthoe >instantly match >she messages me first then asks to hang out within like 6 messages at 11pm >im cautious and ask for her Snapchat 645 KB GIF thinking its some trap >see shes real and starts sending me nudes telling me to f--- her >get horny decide whats the worst that could happen >shes 19 still lives with her parents >she pleads for me to buy JUUL pods for on the way since shes too young to buy to them (tobacco age is 21, my age) >sure why not >go to her place, have to sneak in through the window, hang out listening to music and f------ about on Omegle. then I f--- her >leave >next day she asks to hook up again, agree. she tells me to buy JUUL pods again for her >realize shes only f------ me to get her nicotine fix >disgust.png >ask her if thats the only reason shes f------ me she says yeah and youre kinda cute >block her and cry this was back in October. f--- this gay earth bros... >>62975458 # : Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)16:39:19 No.62975458 >>62975429 # At least you got to sex you f------ normie.
: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)16:36:32 No.62975429 my one tinder hookup >swipe on cute 7/10 arthoe >instantly match >she messages me first then asks to hang out within like 6 messages at 11pm >im cautious and ask for her Snapchat 645 KB GIF thinking its some trap >see shes real and starts sending me nudes telling me to f--- her >get horny decide whats the worst that could happen >shes 19 still lives with her parents >she pleads for me to buy JUUL pods for on the way since shes too young to buy to them (tobacco age is 21, my age) >sure why not >go to her place, have to sneak in through the window, hang out listening to music and f------ about on Omegle. then I f--- her >leave >next day she asks to hook up again, agree. she tells me to buy JUUL pods again for her >realize shes only f------ me to get her nicotine fix >disgust.png >ask her if thats the only reason shes f------ me she says yeah and youre kinda cute >block her and cry this was back in October. f--- this gay earth bros... >>62975458 # : Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)16:39:19 No.62975458 >>62975429 # At least you got to sex you f------ normie.

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Anon's a rainmaker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)05:12:47 No.62972987 >be me >social outcast incel >browse 4chan 24/7 > mostly /b >check out and comment every n---- boobs post >fapping to all of it >one time this one n---- girl 7 KB JPG posts her discord >immedeatley open discord type in handle >hear her voice >sounds like an angel but that african accent bothers me >actually decide to talk with her >went pretty well >continue for weeks >she asks my picture >hesistant to send but you only get one chance in life >she actually likes my looks >happy.jpg >we get to know each other better by the minute >eventually ask her if I should visit her >she says yes >almost crying bc happy >buying flight tickets to africa >enter plane >long as flight from US with lots of turbulences >landing in heavy thunderstorm in rural airport >getting my luggage >leave airport >raining continues monsoon season >see her standing in the rain in front of airport >l bless the rains down in africa >gonna take some time to do the things we never had
: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)05:12:47 No.62972987 >be me >social outcast incel >browse 4chan 24/7 > mostly /b >check out and comment every n---- boobs post >fapping to all of it >one time this one n---- girl 7 KB JPG posts her discord >immedeatley open discord type in handle >hear her voice >sounds like an angel but that african accent bothers me >actually decide to talk with her >went pretty well >continue for weeks >she asks my picture >hesistant to send but you only get one chance in life >she actually likes my looks >happy.jpg >we get to know each other better by the minute >eventually ask her if I should visit her >she says yes >almost crying bc happy >buying flight tickets to africa >enter plane >long as flight from US with lots of turbulences >landing in heavy thunderstorm in rural airport >getting my luggage >leave airport >raining continues monsoon season >see her standing in the rain in front of airport >l bless the rains down in africa >gonna take some time to do the things we never had

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Get rich quick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/20(Thu)11:56:49 No.819094755 >be me >20 yo student >doing little computer repairs for money >get call from friend working at warehouse 648 KB PNG >"Anon, there is this huge pile of laptops that has to be thrown away. I asked my boss if I could take them and he said yes. They seem pretty recent, come and see them, maybe you can earn quite some money off it" >see pictures >lots of Thinkpad T440 >whynot.jpg >go to friend >inspect laptops >most of them have problems, but some work fine >load them on car >head back home >a------ jumps a red light and t-bones the back of my car >police comes sees dashcam footage and says this a------ was in fault >submit insurance compensation >maliciousidea.gif >put all 50 laptops into compensation mfw I receive 30000$ in compensation for mostly broken laptops 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/20(Thu)11:56:49 No.819094755 >be me >20 yo student >doing little computer repairs for money >get call from friend working at warehouse 648 KB PNG >"Anon, there is this huge pile of laptops that has to be thrown away. I asked my boss if I could take them and he said yes. They seem pretty recent, come and see them, maybe you can earn quite some money off it" >see pictures >lots of Thinkpad T440 >whynot.jpg >go to friend >inspect laptops >most of them have problems, but some work fine >load them on car >head back home >a------ jumps a red light and t-bones the back of my car >police comes sees dashcam footage and says this a------ was in fault >submit insurance compensation >maliciousidea.gif >put all 50 laptops into compensation mfw I receive 30000$ in compensation for mostly broken laptops 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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The Story of A 600lb Tendie Slayer | /r/Greentext


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ravioli wizard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)15:48:41 No.849117527 >be me >Halloween a few years back >Go as a mf wizard >Blue wizard hat w stars and moons n s--- >Blue snuggie i glued velvet stars and moons to >Gettin all the mires from the qts >"Wow anon i love ur costume" >"Thats such a creative costume" >Bitches tryna talk to me all night| >Commence festive holiday drinking >See a guy dressed as chef boyardee >Hes got a sack of chef boyardee raviolis >bet him 5 bucks i can chug an entire can of ravioli >He says hes only got 4 dollars >Crack the raviolis and chug like theres no tomorrow >No need to chew, theyre basically lil jello shots >All the females around are now officially disgusted >Disregard females, acquire a free meal and 4 dollarydoos >All the guys at the party now call my the ravioli wizard >>849120106 # >>849125934 #
: Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)15:48:41 No.849117527 >be me >Halloween a few years back >Go as a mf wizard >Blue wizard hat w stars and moons n s--- >Blue snuggie i glued velvet stars and moons to >Gettin all the mires from the qts >"Wow anon i love ur costume" >"Thats such a creative costume" >Bitches tryna talk to me all night| >Commence festive holiday drinking >See a guy dressed as chef boyardee >Hes got a sack of chef boyardee raviolis >bet him 5 bucks i can chug an entire can of ravioli >He says hes only got 4 dollars >Crack the raviolis and chug like theres no tomorrow >No need to chew, theyre basically lil jello shots >All the females around are now officially disgusted >Disregard females, acquire a free meal and 4 dollarydoos >All the guys at the party now call my the ravioli wizard >>849120106 # >>849125934 #

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Anon gets chased by cops | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)20:27:53 No.62966633 > Be me. > A few friends and I ignore corona and go pick up food. > One of friends asks if we can make a stop at his dealers place. > Okay. 212 KB PNG > Pull over, guy comes back with a garbage bag full of weed. > Okay > Driving to BK, windows open, blasting music, f--- rolling joints in the back of my car. > Stopping at traffic light. > Look in backmirror > SEE POLICE BUS > MADE EYECONTACT WITH DRIVER > mfw > Backfags are hiding their weed under my seat, everyone puts masks on. > Keep driving to BK, they follow us. > *PANIC* > Arrive at BK, can either go into drive through or park and go inside. > Decide to park outside, stay in car. > Policebus drives past us through the packed parking lot. > Back out fullspeed, drive through city with 80mp/h like a retard > get kebap Good times View Thread
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)20:27:53 No.62966633 > Be me. > A few friends and I ignore corona and go pick up food. > One of friends asks if we can make a stop at his dealers place. > Okay. 212 KB PNG > Pull over, guy comes back with a garbage bag full of weed. > Okay > Driving to BK, windows open, blasting music, f--- rolling joints in the back of my car. > Stopping at traffic light. > Look in backmirror > SEE POLICE BUS > MADE EYECONTACT WITH DRIVER > mfw > Backfags are hiding their weed under my seat, everyone puts masks on. > Keep driving to BK, they follow us. > *PANIC* > Arrive at BK, can either go into drive through or park and go inside. > Decide to park outside, stay in car. > Policebus drives past us through the packed parking lot. > Back out fullspeed, drive through city with 80mp/h like a retard > get kebap Good times View Thread

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Anon is paranoid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)21:07:08 No.62969350 >receive match from non-verified tinder cute girl >suspect she is my workmates tricking me >be extremely paranoid, always checking how many miles away Mehi 12 KB JPG she is >never give personal info, act like my workmates are reading it, even reject to meet >arrange a date, go there thinking my workmates are going to appear there >she ends up being real >"anon, you're strange, why did you need so much time to meet me, why didn't you talk about yourself and why are you so nervous?" What's the lesson to learn from this story?
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)21:07:08 No.62969350 >receive match from non-verified tinder cute girl >suspect she is my workmates tricking me >be extremely paranoid, always checking how many miles away Mehi 12 KB JPG she is >never give personal info, act like my workmates are reading it, even reject to meet >arrange a date, go there thinking my workmates are going to appear there >she ends up being real >"anon, you're strange, why did you need so much time to meet me, why didn't you talk about yourself and why are you so nervous?" What's the lesson to learn from this story?

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:07:25 No.62950365 The Virgin Chad >hire a h----- >tell her I'm a virgin >not actually a virgin, have had plenty of sex >but when she thinks it's my first time, she's very gentle and sensual, and I get to act nervous and submissive, which really turns 34 KB JPG me on >when I act all amazed when I touch boobs "for the first time", it actually feels more special to me >I love how caring she is and how she takes the lead if she thinks she's deflowering me >when I finish, she cuddles with me and calls me a good boy I've done this with about 20 different hookers now and I can't stop.
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:07:25 No.62950365 The Virgin Chad >hire a h----- >tell her I'm a virgin >not actually a virgin, have had plenty of sex >but when she thinks it's my first time, she's very gentle and sensual, and I get to act nervous and submissive, which really turns 34 KB JPG me on >when I act all amazed when I touch boobs "for the first time", it actually feels more special to me >I love how caring she is and how she takes the lead if she thinks she's deflowering me >when I finish, she cuddles with me and calls me a good boy I've done this with about 20 different hookers now and I can't stop.

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Anon has covid symptoms | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)09:23:56 No.850788628 >stay up all night playing bideo games and snacking >haven't slept 1 hour >text boss saying i have covid symptoms and i need to stay home, knowing they need me there >plan to snack and game all day, awaiting covid results suck it wagies
Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)09:23:56 No.850788628 >stay up all night playing bideo games and snacking >haven't slept 1 hour >text boss saying i have covid symptoms and i need to stay home, knowing they need me there >plan to snack and game all day, awaiting covid results suck it wagies

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Anon has a dilemma. | /r/Greentext

File: sb.jpg (48 KB, 468x556) Am I Loser Bros? Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)12:42:28 No.62969805 [Reply] >be me >go to college >had few gfs in hs but all were fat or at best 5/10 >go to college >girl who works at IT department at my university looks like pic related >get up the balls to start talking to her >start talking to her regularly >finnally get balls to ask her out >She says yes >WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTEWTEWTEWTEWTEWTFW TFWTFWTFWTEWTEWTEWTEWTFWTFWTFWTEWTE WTFWTFWTFWTFWTEWTEWTE.jpeg >Go out to dinner >Have best date in my life >Find out she's never had a bf before >>>conversation goes on >>>>>FIND OUT SHE HAS F------ BRAIN DAMANGE >try to keep my cool to the end of the night >>she kisses me when she leaves and says she wants to do go out again SOON w-- am i supposed to bros?? Wouldn't be like illegal if i f----- her???? Would it be moral? I dont know what to f------ do.
File: sb.jpg (48 KB, 468x556) Am I Loser Bros? Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)12:42:28 No.62969805 [Reply] >be me >go to college >had few gfs in hs but all were fat or at best 5/10 >go to college >girl who works at IT department at my university looks like pic related >get up the balls to start talking to her >start talking to her regularly >finnally get balls to ask her out >She says yes >WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTEWTEWTEWTEWTEWTFW TFWTFWTFWTEWTEWTEWTEWTFWTFWTFWTEWTE WTFWTFWTFWTFWTEWTEWTE.jpeg >Go out to dinner >Have best date in my life >Find out she's never had a bf before >>>conversation goes on >>>>>FIND OUT SHE HAS F------ BRAIN DAMANGE >try to keep my cool to the end of the night >>she kisses me when she leaves and says she wants to do go out again SOON w-- am i supposed to bros?? Wouldn't be like illegal if i f----- her???? Would it be moral? I dont know what to f------ do.

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Anon is a businessman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)00:58:43 No.62969630 How do I turn 50bucks into The last signs of life slip over the horizon 100bucks Finally, I am alone with my crimes, unrepentant. 76 KB JPG 16 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)02:33:38 No.62970868 flip stuff on ebay : Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)03:15:32 No.62971523 >>62969630 (OP) # This is going to sound weird, but hear me out. >Buy 2 kg of Lego. >Sort Lego into its individual parts (I mean really sort it... Piece, colour, shape, just sort it thoroughly) >Sell on sorted Lego on Ebay You actually might make 200$ if you're lucky. Works for me at least.
: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)00:58:43 No.62969630 How do I turn 50bucks into The last signs of life slip over the horizon 100bucks Finally, I am alone with my crimes, unrepentant. 76 KB JPG 16 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)02:33:38 No.62970868 flip stuff on ebay : Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)03:15:32 No.62971523 >>62969630 (OP) # This is going to sound weird, but hear me out. >Buy 2 kg of Lego. >Sort Lego into its individual parts (I mean really sort it... Piece, colour, shape, just sort it thoroughly) >Sell on sorted Lego on Ebay You actually might make 200$ if you're lucky. Works for me at least.

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Anon goes out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG

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Little bro goes on 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous little bro goes on 4chan 03/29/21(Mon)16:33:44 No.62967024 >Be me >Browsing /r9k/ >Go to take a piss >5 y/o little bro comes in the bathroom asking if he can play a vidya with me >Tell him to go away >When done peeing find him on my pc browsing /b/ 6 KB JPG >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous little bro goes on 4chan 03/29/21(Mon)16:33:44 No.62967024 >Be me >Browsing /r9k/ >Go to take a piss >5 y/o little bro comes in the bathroom asking if he can play a vidya with me >Tell him to go away >When done peeing find him on my pc browsing /b/ 6 KB JPG >mfw View Thread

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GreenText for dummies | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 761573897 9 min. ago 4chan I blame you. >be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point >drive through >"Yeah, uhm, can I get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?" >whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed >this m----------- says "sure anon" >oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af >guy is 20 something, says "you seem chill" and passes me note with his twitter >dm him >now best friends.
Anonymous | 761573897 9 min. ago 4chan I blame you. >be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point >drive through >"Yeah, uhm, can I get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?" >whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed >this m----------- says "sure anon" >oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af >guy is 20 something, says "you seem chill" and passes me note with his twitter >dm him >now best friends.

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Anon plays tennis | /r/Greentext

>Be me >On long school bus trip >Stopped at Mcdonalds for food >Didn't use the bathroom >Be later >Bus ride is 6 hours and were not stopping >Really gotta fart >Can't because of the laws of public 58 KB JPG decency >Feel gas rush to my anus >Squeeze tight to keep it tamed >Gas goes back to intestines >Every time the gas returns I send it back >lt's like fart tenis >Been playing fart tenis for nearly an hour >My colon decides to spike the serve >l don't return >Mfw I s--- my pants on the schoolbus
>Be me >On long school bus trip >Stopped at Mcdonalds for food >Didn't use the bathroom >Be later >Bus ride is 6 hours and were not stopping >Really gotta fart >Can't because of the laws of public 58 KB JPG decency >Feel gas rush to my anus >Squeeze tight to keep it tamed >Gas goes back to intestines >Every time the gas returns I send it back >lt's like fart tenis >Been playing fart tenis for nearly an hour >My colon decides to spike the serve >l don't return >Mfw I s--- my pants on the schoolbus

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Anon scores a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Expensive date 03/29/21(Mon)16:40:06 No.23859977 > be me > scored a date on dating app > 5' 10" and 22 or 23 years old > it's a girl > she asks to go on a date and get mexican food and margaritas > check if taco bell sells margs 125 KB JPG > doesnt cashregister.mp3 > dont see a future with her, but would like the company for a night out > take her to El Rodeo a local 2 star restaurant > had a really good time actually. we danced a little and had good conversation. tingles in chest > cost me $150 but worthit. might do this again with her > ffwd to today > $150 in bank account, almost time for a second date > booking reservation on phone > amazon ad for cool sunglasses > $150 > buy > cancel date > feel cool now dont need girl > pic related
: Anonymous Expensive date 03/29/21(Mon)16:40:06 No.23859977 > be me > scored a date on dating app > 5' 10" and 22 or 23 years old > it's a girl > she asks to go on a date and get mexican food and margaritas > check if taco bell sells margs 125 KB JPG > doesnt cashregister.mp3 > dont see a future with her, but would like the company for a night out > take her to El Rodeo a local 2 star restaurant > had a really good time actually. we danced a little and had good conversation. tingles in chest > cost me $150 but worthit. might do this again with her > ffwd to today > $150 in bank account, almost time for a second date > booking reservation on phone > amazon ad for cool sunglasses > $150 > buy > cancel date > feel cool now dont need girl > pic related

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