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Anon is a thot slayer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Roastie W---- Dresses Like Slu...) 04/03/21(Sat)09:49:30 No.63033556 Woman spots man's alleged creepy behavior in gym mirror: 'What do you think?" Katie Mather Thu, April 1, 2021, 1:14 PM saw it crazy for thinking it 20210402_221655.jpg| 669 KB JPG >does stupid ass workout for attention on tiktok >chad comes behind her to snap a pic for his cringe compilation >makes national news well boys, was he in the wrong? 39 Replies / 10 Images View Thread
: Anonymous Roastie W---- Dresses Like Slu...) 04/03/21(Sat)09:49:30 No.63033556 Woman spots man's alleged creepy behavior in gym mirror: 'What do you think?" Katie Mather Thu, April 1, 2021, 1:14 PM saw it crazy for thinking it 20210402_221655.jpg| 669 KB JPG >does stupid ass workout for attention on tiktok >chad comes behind her to snap a pic for his cringe compilation >makes national news well boys, was he in the wrong? 39 Replies / 10 Images View Thread

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Anon gets what he deserves | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)19:01:23 No.62658503 >finish c-------- >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get 33 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)20:36:36 No.62659783 Smoking inside is gross and you deserve this.
: Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)19:01:23 No.62658503 >finish c-------- >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get 33 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)20:36:36 No.62659783 Smoking inside is gross and you deserve this.

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Anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)20:18:37 No.63040027 >showing barber picture of the haircut I want >let him hold my phone >swipes by accident >sees pictures of my girlfriend spreading her p--- for me 32 KB JPG Never going back there
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)20:18:37 No.63040027 >showing barber picture of the haircut I want >let him hold my phone >swipes by accident >sees pictures of my girlfriend spreading her p--- for me 32 KB JPG Never going back there

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Paki doc played anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:29:51 No.60719464 ► >>60718447 >be p--- doctor >be f----- >some twink comes in to see me >complains that his balls hurt >damnthiswhiteboyissexy.png >tell him to dance for me >"w-what?" >"just do it" >he actually does it >have a hard on the whole time >tell him it's nothing to worry about and to go home >j------- in my office
Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:29:51 No.60719464 ► >>60718447 >be p--- doctor >be f----- >some twink comes in to see me >complains that his balls hurt >damnthiswhiteboyissexy.png >tell him to dance for me >"w-what?" >"just do it" >he actually does it >have a hard on the whole time >tell him it's nothing to worry about and to go home >j------- in my office

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Anon got played by paki doc | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:14:45 No.60718447 >>60722626 File: 10101.png (64 KB, 507x540) >>60718660 >>60719132 >>60719464 >testicular torsion >go to hospital due to agonising pain >doctor sees me >he is P---, barely speaks english >asks me if I have done any dancing in the last week >l say yes, I have, I was in a dance class at the time, and had spent all week creating a dance to the Monster Mash >he makes me f------ DEMONSTRATE even through the pain >i show him the dance, at the bit of the song where it goes 'whatever happened to my translyvania twist?" I do an upper body twirl and make dracula eating pose >the doctor says that the dancing might have caused temporary soreness if i wasn't wearing a cup, sends me home >still in agony, go to a different hospital >get diagnosed with torsion >avoided losing bollock by about 20 minutes
Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:14:45 No.60718447 >>60722626 File: 10101.png (64 KB, 507x540) >>60718660 >>60719132 >>60719464 >testicular torsion >go to hospital due to agonising pain >doctor sees me >he is P---, barely speaks english >asks me if I have done any dancing in the last week >l say yes, I have, I was in a dance class at the time, and had spent all week creating a dance to the Monster Mash >he makes me f------ DEMONSTRATE even through the pain >i show him the dance, at the bit of the song where it goes 'whatever happened to my translyvania twist?" I do an upper body twirl and make dracula eating pose >the doctor says that the dancing might have caused temporary soreness if i wasn't wearing a cup, sends me home >still in agony, go to a different hospital >get diagnosed with torsion >avoided losing bollock by about 20 minutes

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Anon cant believe his own eyes | /r/Greentext

>be me >roaming around the city while listening to music >randomly see something at the back of my left eye falling from the sky >turn around and see a huge f------ rat who fell from a 5 plan building hit the f------ 24,2 kB JPG street >it gets up, starts runnung around the moving cars >eventually gets out from the streets >it enters a chinese restaurant that was nearby i wish this was all made up. when i saw this i stood for a good min trying to understand if this was a f------ dream or not
>be me >roaming around the city while listening to music >randomly see something at the back of my left eye falling from the sky >turn around and see a huge f------ rat who fell from a 5 plan building hit the f------ 24,2 kB JPG street >it gets up, starts runnung around the moving cars >eventually gets out from the streets >it enters a chinese restaurant that was nearby i wish this was all made up. when i saw this i stood for a good min trying to understand if this was a f------ dream or not

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Anon pranks his friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)15:21:12 No.851204323 ► >driving with friend >accidentally grab his leg instead of gearstick >we laugh as I park the car and unzip his pants >friend is laughing because he knows it just a joke >start sucking his d--- on this empty parking lot >almost choke on his d--- because im laughing so hard >friend also laughing and starts making train noises >BROJOB! BROJOB! CHOO CHOO >he c--- and I swallow it like some f----- >friend kisses me and calls me a f----- while we both laughing our ass off gotta love playing pranks on my friends
Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)15:21:12 No.851204323 ► >driving with friend >accidentally grab his leg instead of gearstick >we laugh as I park the car and unzip his pants >friend is laughing because he knows it just a joke >start sucking his d--- on this empty parking lot >almost choke on his d--- because im laughing so hard >friend also laughing and starts making train noises >BROJOB! BROJOB! CHOO CHOO >he c--- and I swallow it like some f----- >friend kisses me and calls me a f----- while we both laughing our ass off gotta love playing pranks on my friends

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Anon gets bluepilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)16:47:53 No.63038161 >meet stacy >she's actually a nice person who talks to me and asks me how im doing Why did you lie to me, bros? 25 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)16:47:53 No.63038161 >meet stacy >she's actually a nice person who talks to me and asks me how im doing Why did you lie to me, bros? 25 KB JPG

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Anon is delusional | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:33:52 No.851196322 >girl at work laughed at my joke >instantly think she's in love with me >any girl looks in my general direction >instantly fall in love >girl speaks to me in any context >imagine our future together and 14 KB JPG wonder what our wedding will be like Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me? Am I retarded?
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:33:52 No.851196322 >girl at work laughed at my joke >instantly think she's in love with me >any girl looks in my general direction >instantly fall in love >girl speaks to me in any context >imagine our future together and 14 KB JPG wonder what our wedding will be like Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me? Am I retarded?

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Anon comes out at a young age | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:07:48 No.851013447 >be me. >Really young Probably around 7 or 8. >Watch some documentary on squids. >Decide I like tentacles. >Run into family gathering 228 KB PNG >Everyones enjoying their meal, talking, and having fun. >Walk right in the middle of the room and loudly Proclaim, I LIKE TESTICLES! 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:11:28 No.851013675 This is called a freudian slip, OP.
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:07:48 No.851013447 >be me. >Really young Probably around 7 or 8. >Watch some documentary on squids. >Decide I like tentacles. >Run into family gathering 228 KB PNG >Everyones enjoying their meal, talking, and having fun. >Walk right in the middle of the room and loudly Proclaim, I LIKE TESTICLES! 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:11:28 No.851013675 This is called a freudian slip, OP.

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033 jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman. jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tfw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >I tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw
Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033 jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman. jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tfw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >I tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw

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Anon regrets being first | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)13:13:54 No.63036698 >between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single e---------- >i'm the one who got there first f------ so sorry dad. shoulda just veered left 43 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)13:13:54 No.63036698 >between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single e---------- >i'm the one who got there first f------ so sorry dad. shoulda just veered left 43 KB JPG

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 03/27/21(Sat)00:25:05 No.62933648 >take gf to store to get groceries >buy her whatever she wants because I love her >plan to make lasagna together when we get home >but UH OH she spotted a rival female at the store so she has a f------ ridiculous self-pitying insecure meltdown as if I'm going to dump her right there in the cookie aisle and chase after some random thot I've never seen before 58 KB JPG and barely noticed anyway >fight all the way through the store >fight all the way home >fight as we make lasagna >fight after eating >still fighting now ALL BECAUSE THIS C--- SAW ONE OTHER F------ WOMAN SOMEWHERE IN PUBLIC I'm this [] close to just dumping this stupid c---, lI'm so tired of every f------ day being her moaning and whining about the fact that prettier girls than her exist, as if that's something can f------ control and can be blamed for I would like to stay with her because we get along and have built a decent little lifestyle together that works for us but I can't even buy the bitch lasagna noodles and ricotta without her having a f------ meltdown that random thot #45842735714812931203 has bigger t--- or skinnier arms or whatever the f--- she's mad about today
: Anonymous E 03/27/21(Sat)00:25:05 No.62933648 >take gf to store to get groceries >buy her whatever she wants because I love her >plan to make lasagna together when we get home >but UH OH she spotted a rival female at the store so she has a f------ ridiculous self-pitying insecure meltdown as if I'm going to dump her right there in the cookie aisle and chase after some random thot I've never seen before 58 KB JPG and barely noticed anyway >fight all the way through the store >fight all the way home >fight as we make lasagna >fight after eating >still fighting now ALL BECAUSE THIS C--- SAW ONE OTHER F------ WOMAN SOMEWHERE IN PUBLIC I'm this [] close to just dumping this stupid c---, lI'm so tired of every f------ day being her moaning and whining about the fact that prettier girls than her exist, as if that's something can f------ control and can be blamed for I would like to stay with her because we get along and have built a decent little lifestyle together that works for us but I can't even buy the bitch lasagna noodles and ricotta without her having a f------ meltdown that random thot #45842735714812931203 has bigger t--- or skinnier arms or whatever the f--- she's mad about today

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anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

File: download.png (6 KB, 212x238) Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:54:00 No.63039163 > 10 years ago > 17 years old > go to the same barbers every month for 3 years > go in one day and ask for the usual > barber pauses > "what's the usual?" > my heart breaks that I wasn't remembered after all these years > holding back tears, I tell him what I want > never go back again
File: download.png (6 KB, 212x238) Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:54:00 No.63039163 > 10 years ago > 17 years old > go to the same barbers every month for 3 years > go in one day and ask for the usual > barber pauses > "what's the usual?" > my heart breaks that I wasn't remembered after all these years > holding back tears, I tell him what I want > never go back again

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Anon on youtubers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:34:54 No.63036376 >Good youtuber starts making more quality content and putting in the work >Starts inserting his personal life into his work Why do they always do this I don't care how your grandpa died 130 KB JPG or how mario 64 made your butthole tingle
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:34:54 No.63036376 >Good youtuber starts making more quality content and putting in the work >Starts inserting his personal life into his work Why do they always do this I don't care how your grandpa died 130 KB JPG or how mario 64 made your butthole tingle

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Anon checks if he has covid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:49:26 No.85120271 autism stories, i'll start > be me > be sick > fever, chills, headache, etc > feels bad man > what if I have the rona 54 KB JPG > apparently you cant smell or taste if you have it > be taking s--- > wipe ass > try and put toilet paper by nose to see if i can smell > sperg out and accidentally touch face with s---- saturated TP > on the bright side I can smell > mfw
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:49:26 No.85120271 autism stories, i'll start > be me > be sick > fever, chills, headache, etc > feels bad man > what if I have the rona 54 KB JPG > apparently you cant smell or taste if you have it > be taking s--- > wipe ass > try and put toilet paper by nose to see if i can smell > sperg out and accidentally touch face with s---- saturated TP > on the bright side I can smell > mfw

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Anon makes things more awkward | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:55:59 No.63037549 >in math class >sitting between two girls >shuffle in chair slightly and it makes a creaking sound that sounds a little bit like a fart >get paranoid and look around >girls don't seem to have noticed >relax 95 KB PNG >paranoia kicks in >think they heard for sure and are pretending to ignore it to not make things awkward >decide to shuffle again to make the sound just to show them that it definitely wasn't a fart >shuffleshuffleshuffle >chair makes the loudest creak that sounds EXACTLY like a fart >girls look at me with disgust why the f--- does this happen to me? if there is a god he hates me and uses me for his amusement 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)19:00:53 No.63037586 >>63037549 (OP) # You should've said "that wasn't a fart" and then ripped a mean one to prove it to them. 912 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:55:59 No.63037549 >in math class >sitting between two girls >shuffle in chair slightly and it makes a creaking sound that sounds a little bit like a fart >get paranoid and look around >girls don't seem to have noticed >relax 95 KB PNG >paranoia kicks in >think they heard for sure and are pretending to ignore it to not make things awkward >decide to shuffle again to make the sound just to show them that it definitely wasn't a fart >shuffleshuffleshuffle >chair makes the loudest creak that sounds EXACTLY like a fart >girls look at me with disgust why the f--- does this happen to me? if there is a god he hates me and uses me for his amusement 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)19:00:53 No.63037586 >>63037549 (OP) # You should've said "that wasn't a fart" and then ripped a mean one to prove it to them. 912 KB PNG

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Anon has a psycho girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)07:02:00 No.851171259 What is wrong with my girlfriend, /b/? There's gotta be something psychologically going on, right? Daddy) >She doesn't let me have female friends 261 KB JPG >Gets upset when I even mention other women in stories >Has climbed my fence, went through my doggy door, and tried to break into my window when I didn't wanna see her >Called me 100 times until I blocked her, did the *67 thing to turn off caller ID and called another 100 times >Has tried to an hero multiple times because she believed I was leaving her >Has threatened to kill certain women in my life, usually saying she'll stab them. Also threatens to vandalize their property >Says she wouldn't feel bad if *a handful of people she claims did her wrong* died, sometimes says she'd kill them if she could get away with it >Literally has no friends, I'm the only person her world seems to revolve around >Love bombs the F--- out of me before acting crazy >Makes morbid jokes. Like saying she'll kill our cat, turn him into a chili and feed him to me >Always always always wants sex. Constantly horny
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)07:02:00 No.851171259 What is wrong with my girlfriend, /b/? There's gotta be something psychologically going on, right? Daddy) >She doesn't let me have female friends 261 KB JPG >Gets upset when I even mention other women in stories >Has climbed my fence, went through my doggy door, and tried to break into my window when I didn't wanna see her >Called me 100 times until I blocked her, did the *67 thing to turn off caller ID and called another 100 times >Has tried to an hero multiple times because she believed I was leaving her >Has threatened to kill certain women in my life, usually saying she'll stab them. Also threatens to vandalize their property >Says she wouldn't feel bad if *a handful of people she claims did her wrong* died, sometimes says she'd kill them if she could get away with it >Literally has no friends, I'm the only person her world seems to revolve around >Love bombs the F--- out of me before acting crazy >Makes morbid jokes. Like saying she'll kill our cat, turn him into a chili and feed him to me >Always always always wants sex. Constantly horny

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Anons dad isn't the brightest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.
: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.

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Anon is royalty | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Há 47 minutos 63038692 >be king >my people invent something and present it to me >it's a "camera" >it takes "pictures" out of a tube >a tube >takes square pictures >w-- >hang country for witchcraft 2 REPLIES
Anonymous Há 47 minutos 63038692 >be king >my people invent something and present it to me >it's a "camera" >it takes "pictures" out of a tube >a tube >takes square pictures >w-- >hang country for witchcraft 2 REPLIES

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