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Anon doesn‘t plan ahead | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)14:36:35 No.63113170 >Finish taking a shower >Take a giant s--- right afterwards 235 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)14:36:35 No.63113170 >Finish taking a shower >Take a giant s--- right afterwards 235 KB JPG

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Anon likes mornings. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Optimistic /bots/ 05/14/18(Mon)05:43:07 No.45385219 > Wake up at 5:30am >Kinda early but I'm hungry >lt's chilly and dark outside >l wash my face and go to the kitchen wen day is dark alway rember happy day >I toast some bread and spread butter with strawberry jam 261 KB PNG >I like strawberry jam >Brew a cup of coffee >I like the smell of a fresh brewed cup >l go back to my room and open the window >The sounds of birds and the leaves are waving from the wind >A chilly wind cools me and I sit and sip from my cup >Eat toast >Just enjoy the sunrise and weather >Deeply breathe the fresh cold weather >Today is a good day >Stay optimistic /bots/ >l just like mornings
: Anonymous Optimistic /bots/ 05/14/18(Mon)05:43:07 No.45385219 > Wake up at 5:30am >Kinda early but I'm hungry >lt's chilly and dark outside >l wash my face and go to the kitchen wen day is dark alway rember happy day >I toast some bread and spread butter with strawberry jam 261 KB PNG >I like strawberry jam >Brew a cup of coffee >I like the smell of a fresh brewed cup >l go back to my room and open the window >The sounds of birds and the leaves are waving from the wind >A chilly wind cools me and I sit and sip from my cup >Eat toast >Just enjoy the sunrise and weather >Deeply breathe the fresh cold weather >Today is a good day >Stay optimistic /bots/ >l just like mornings

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Anon lacks self control | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?

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Anon acts like a boomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous times you were based 04/08/21(Thu)06:00:38 No.63108824 >minding my own business at home on a Tuesday >hear noise outside >look out the window >some high schoolers making a ruckus on the sidewalk in front of 170 KB PNG my lawn when they should be at school >open window >YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER GET BACK TO CLASS AND GET OFF MY LAWN >they curse me and flip me off but leave anyways
: Anonymous times you were based 04/08/21(Thu)06:00:38 No.63108824 >minding my own business at home on a Tuesday >hear noise outside >look out the window >some high schoolers making a ruckus on the sidewalk in front of 170 KB PNG my lawn when they should be at school >open window >YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER GET BACK TO CLASS AND GET OFF MY LAWN >they curse me and flip me off but leave anyways

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anon has standards | /r/Greentext

File: 186115782387.jpg (483 KB, 1696x2480) O Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)01:47:19 No.63110377 [Reply] >ask cute girl out >she rejects me :( >ask another cute girl out >she rejects me too >ask really ugly girl out begrudgingly >she accepts and is way too happy >ghost her and never go outside again
File: 186115782387.jpg (483 KB, 1696x2480) O Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)01:47:19 No.63110377 [Reply] >ask cute girl out >she rejects me :( >ask another cute girl out >she rejects me too >ask really ugly girl out begrudgingly >she accepts and is way too happy >ghost her and never go outside again

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Anon is peeing on his girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)03:17:38 No.851552469 >be me >got a distance relationship >gf comes over for 2 weeks >she decided to take a 468 KB PNG shower >I go with her because why not >she started to take the shower and says >'ll pee >im disgusted and say that I don't want her to piss in my shower >she did it anyway >l see that the shower isn't entirely closed and I decided to piss into the shower >she screams: YOU PEED ON MY FEET Piss in my shower, I piss on you
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)03:17:38 No.851552469 >be me >got a distance relationship >gf comes over for 2 weeks >she decided to take a 468 KB PNG shower >I go with her because why not >she started to take the shower and says >'ll pee >im disgusted and say that I don't want her to piss in my shower >she did it anyway >l see that the shower isn't entirely closed and I decided to piss into the shower >she screams: YOU PEED ON MY FEET Piss in my shower, I piss on you

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Anon has a job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with-8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Meal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with-8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Meal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon had a close call | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)17:09:57 No.63097143 >see girl dressed as my favorite character at a con >cute as hecc >start walking towards her gathering all the courage I have ever had >her ogre mom suddenly appears and talks to her >l immediately stop a few feet away and turn around think that was a close one anons, may have caught a felony despite her looking ~18 |
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)17:09:57 No.63097143 >see girl dressed as my favorite character at a con >cute as hecc >start walking towards her gathering all the courage I have ever had >her ogre mom suddenly appears and talks to her >l immediately stop a few feet away and turn around think that was a close one anons, may have caught a felony despite her looking ~18 |

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Anon is a modern Icarus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)00:40:07 No.119151659 >it's another "teeth falls out of your mouth" dream episode 201 KB PNG : Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP) # The other day I had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou
: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)00:40:07 No.119151659 >it's another "teeth falls out of your mouth" dream episode 201 KB PNG : Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP) # The other day I had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou

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Anon has to pee | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)05:21:54 No.39418827 >Be in 7th grade >Have to piss >Teacher does that whole "I don't know, can you?" b------- >"May I use the restroom Mr. Anonderson" >Book it to bathroom while holding my peener hole closed >Urinals are taken >See unlocked stall >Kick the door open like they do in the movies >See kid squatting on the toilet, s------- frog style >See turd retreat back into his a------ like a scared turtle >Piss myself
E Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)05:21:54 No.39418827 >Be in 7th grade >Have to piss >Teacher does that whole "I don't know, can you?" b------- >"May I use the restroom Mr. Anonderson" >Book it to bathroom while holding my peener hole closed >Urinals are taken >See unlocked stall >Kick the door open like they do in the movies >See kid squatting on the toilet, s------- frog style >See turd retreat back into his a------ like a scared turtle >Piss myself

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Anon is gets fixed on a Quintessential Path of Sole Destruction | /r/Greentext

File: pepsiman.jpg (35 KB, 637x358) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:54:23 No.63109336 ► >>63110213 >boss comes up to me at work >asks me to stop muttering things under my breath because some of the girls are getting scared work stories thread Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)00:02:33 No.63109981 ► >63110122 Stop muttering and start staring at them. Then when your boss warns you about that stop staring and start licking your lips. Then when they complain about that, start thrusting your hips a little when you walk. Their complaints are going to start making them sound ridiculous. PEPS
File: pepsiman.jpg (35 KB, 637x358) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:54:23 No.63109336 ► >>63110213 >boss comes up to me at work >asks me to stop muttering things under my breath because some of the girls are getting scared work stories thread Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)00:02:33 No.63109981 ► >63110122 Stop muttering and start staring at them. Then when your boss warns you about that stop staring and start licking your lips. Then when they complain about that, start thrusting your hips a little when you walk. Their complaints are going to start making them sound ridiculous. PEPS

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Anon gets back at his teacher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:47:39 No.63109275 F--- >be me >11th grade >anatomy and physiology >dissecting sheep brains >annoying bitch teacher yelling at 4 KB PNG us for no reason >she does this s--- every day >l'm sick of this s--- >I form a plan >put plastic bag in trash can >throughout the lab I walk past every kid in class and whisper to them >put the brain in the plastic bag when you're done >class ends >we "throw our brains away" >secure bag >wait until school is over >wednesday so all the teachers have conferences after school >walk into her room >put all of the brains in a filing cabinet >next week >something f------ reeks >"WHO THE HELL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS" >stanky ass brains in the cabinet >nobody tells >l'm a free man >even gave one of them to the weird girl because she wanted to put it in a jar Sorry Mrs. P. You deserved it. >>63109359 #
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:47:39 No.63109275 F--- >be me >11th grade >anatomy and physiology >dissecting sheep brains >annoying bitch teacher yelling at 4 KB PNG us for no reason >she does this s--- every day >l'm sick of this s--- >I form a plan >put plastic bag in trash can >throughout the lab I walk past every kid in class and whisper to them >put the brain in the plastic bag when you're done >class ends >we "throw our brains away" >secure bag >wait until school is over >wednesday so all the teachers have conferences after school >walk into her room >put all of the brains in a filing cabinet >next week >something f------ reeks >"WHO THE HELL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS" >stanky ass brains in the cabinet >nobody tells >l'm a free man >even gave one of them to the weird girl because she wanted to put it in a jar Sorry Mrs. P. You deserved it. >>63109359 #

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Anon genuinely wanted to help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21 (Wed)18:08:14 No.63097597 > be on a school trip to museum > open doors for girls > classmates laugh > couple weeks pass > Chad doess the same thing > he gets praised and applauded 13 KB JPG > help an old lady carry bags > 'will you f--- her haha? > Chad helps a woman > this is based 15 years later I still hate these people and have refrained from helping others which of course makes me an a------ You can't win. It is always a lose-lose
: Anonymous 04/07/21 (Wed)18:08:14 No.63097597 > be on a school trip to museum > open doors for girls > classmates laugh > couple weeks pass > Chad doess the same thing > he gets praised and applauded 13 KB JPG > help an old lady carry bags > 'will you f--- her haha? > Chad helps a woman > this is based 15 years later I still hate these people and have refrained from helping others which of course makes me an a------ You can't win. It is always a lose-lose

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Anon helps an exchange student | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/19(Thu)11:29:42 No.789007932 >in school >chinese transfer student comes up to me >barely speaks english >"anon how speak person that make you learn in class?" >he means teacher 8 KB JPG >teacher is black >idea >"oh it's n-----" >ching chong steps into class >happy exclaims "HI N-----" >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 01/03/19(Thu)11:29:42 No.789007932 >in school >chinese transfer student comes up to me >barely speaks english >"anon how speak person that make you learn in class?" >he means teacher 8 KB JPG >teacher is black >idea >"oh it's n-----" >ching chong steps into class >happy exclaims "HI N-----" >mfw View Thread

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anon played too much FPS games | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 851576134 1 hr ago High School Story >be me 16 years old >me and my best friend are chilling in the back of the class >exchange hot girl joins our math class > OhShit.mp4 > A week later she asks me to help her because she has a crush on my best friend 15.6 kB PNG > "Sure why not" > me and the girl walk towards him at the end of math class > "Yo bro, this is Alice from Sweden" > They start talking, normal boring conversation > *Everything is going smoothly* > *beep* a clock-like sound out of nowhere start beeping in our classroom. > panic.jpg I start to panic and accidentally blur out "oh s--- its bomb" > Everyone looks at me like if I murdered someone > girl starts crying > best friend start laughing his ass off > turns out she is diabetic and has a valve in her body that beeps when is low in glucose Why am I like this 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 851576134 1 hr ago High School Story >be me 16 years old >me and my best friend are chilling in the back of the class >exchange hot girl joins our math class > OhShit.mp4 > A week later she asks me to help her because she has a crush on my best friend 15.6 kB PNG > "Sure why not" > me and the girl walk towards him at the end of math class > "Yo bro, this is Alice from Sweden" > They start talking, normal boring conversation > *Everything is going smoothly* > *beep* a clock-like sound out of nowhere start beeping in our classroom. > panic.jpg I start to panic and accidentally blur out "oh s--- its bomb" > Everyone looks at me like if I murdered someone > girl starts crying > best friend start laughing his ass off > turns out she is diabetic and has a valve in her body that beeps when is low in glucose Why am I like this 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon tries to make his girlfriend hapoy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy
: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy

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Anon is not very patriotic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: DnxktxSt 04/06/21(Tue)15:12:39 No.315435084 >Be from New Zealand Whangarei >Can't even pronounce name of own country >Nyoowr Zealand >Can't even pronounce most words of the english language Hamitan Kotarja Taurangn Gintorne Ner astings amersten North Wenganu Nelkon Gha Wellington NEW ZEALAND Catchureh timaru bunedin cargill Pacitic Ocean 140 KB PNG >Afraid of the flu >Afraid of China >Afraid of New World Order >Guy shoots up mosques >Throw away gun rights because afraid >One of the first countries to sign on to beeld beck betah >Aspires to be cool like neighbor Australia >Can't even hang What is the worst country and why is it new zealand
: Anonymous (ID: DnxktxSt 04/06/21(Tue)15:12:39 No.315435084 >Be from New Zealand Whangarei >Can't even pronounce name of own country >Nyoowr Zealand >Can't even pronounce most words of the english language Hamitan Kotarja Taurangn Gintorne Ner astings amersten North Wenganu Nelkon Gha Wellington NEW ZEALAND Catchureh timaru bunedin cargill Pacitic Ocean 140 KB PNG >Afraid of the flu >Afraid of China >Afraid of New World Order >Guy shoots up mosques >Throw away gun rights because afraid >One of the first countries to sign on to beeld beck betah >Aspires to be cool like neighbor Australia >Can't even hang What is the worst country and why is it new zealand

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Anon ups his trolling game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:35:57 No.63109175 >Youtube finally had enough of my s--- and completely shadowbanned me from using any kind of profanity or verbal abuse in the comments. >Adapt to it. >Somehow trolling normies without using any kind of profanity gets me LOL BUITHURT 9 KB JPG 10 times more butthurt replies than when I was calling them f------ and n------. What is this sorcery?
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:35:57 No.63109175 >Youtube finally had enough of my s--- and completely shadowbanned me from using any kind of profanity or verbal abuse in the comments. >Adapt to it. >Somehow trolling normies without using any kind of profanity gets me LOL BUITHURT 9 KB JPG 10 times more butthurt replies than when I was calling them f------ and n------. What is this sorcery?

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Anon plays Mafia 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid

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