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Anon is a modern Icarus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)00:40:07 No.119151659 >it's another "teeth falls out of your mouth" dream episode 201 KB PNG : Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP) # The other day I had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou
: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)00:40:07 No.119151659 >it's another "teeth falls out of your mouth" dream episode 201 KB PNG : Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP) # The other day I had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou

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Anon has to pee | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)05:21:54 No.39418827 >Be in 7th grade >Have to piss >Teacher does that whole "I don't know, can you?" b------- >"May I use the restroom Mr. Anonderson" >Book it to bathroom while holding my peener hole closed >Urinals are taken >See unlocked stall >Kick the door open like they do in the movies >See kid squatting on the toilet, s------- frog style >See turd retreat back into his a------ like a scared turtle >Piss myself
E Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)05:21:54 No.39418827 >Be in 7th grade >Have to piss >Teacher does that whole "I don't know, can you?" b------- >"May I use the restroom Mr. Anonderson" >Book it to bathroom while holding my peener hole closed >Urinals are taken >See unlocked stall >Kick the door open like they do in the movies >See kid squatting on the toilet, s------- frog style >See turd retreat back into his a------ like a scared turtle >Piss myself

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Anon is gets fixed on a Quintessential Path of Sole Destruction | /r/Greentext

File: pepsiman.jpg (35 KB, 637x358) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:54:23 No.63109336 ► >>63110213 >boss comes up to me at work >asks me to stop muttering things under my breath because some of the girls are getting scared work stories thread Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)00:02:33 No.63109981 ► >63110122 Stop muttering and start staring at them. Then when your boss warns you about that stop staring and start licking your lips. Then when they complain about that, start thrusting your hips a little when you walk. Their complaints are going to start making them sound ridiculous. PEPS
File: pepsiman.jpg (35 KB, 637x358) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:54:23 No.63109336 ► >>63110213 >boss comes up to me at work >asks me to stop muttering things under my breath because some of the girls are getting scared work stories thread Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)00:02:33 No.63109981 ► >63110122 Stop muttering and start staring at them. Then when your boss warns you about that stop staring and start licking your lips. Then when they complain about that, start thrusting your hips a little when you walk. Their complaints are going to start making them sound ridiculous. PEPS

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Anon gets back at his teacher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:47:39 No.63109275 F--- >be me >11th grade >anatomy and physiology >dissecting sheep brains >annoying bitch teacher yelling at 4 KB PNG us for no reason >she does this s--- every day >l'm sick of this s--- >I form a plan >put plastic bag in trash can >throughout the lab I walk past every kid in class and whisper to them >put the brain in the plastic bag when you're done >class ends >we "throw our brains away" >secure bag >wait until school is over >wednesday so all the teachers have conferences after school >walk into her room >put all of the brains in a filing cabinet >next week >something f------ reeks >"WHO THE HELL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS" >stanky ass brains in the cabinet >nobody tells >l'm a free man >even gave one of them to the weird girl because she wanted to put it in a jar Sorry Mrs. P. You deserved it. >>63109359 #
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:47:39 No.63109275 F--- >be me >11th grade >anatomy and physiology >dissecting sheep brains >annoying bitch teacher yelling at 4 KB PNG us for no reason >she does this s--- every day >l'm sick of this s--- >I form a plan >put plastic bag in trash can >throughout the lab I walk past every kid in class and whisper to them >put the brain in the plastic bag when you're done >class ends >we "throw our brains away" >secure bag >wait until school is over >wednesday so all the teachers have conferences after school >walk into her room >put all of the brains in a filing cabinet >next week >something f------ reeks >"WHO THE HELL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS" >stanky ass brains in the cabinet >nobody tells >l'm a free man >even gave one of them to the weird girl because she wanted to put it in a jar Sorry Mrs. P. You deserved it. >>63109359 #

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Anon genuinely wanted to help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21 (Wed)18:08:14 No.63097597 > be on a school trip to museum > open doors for girls > classmates laugh > couple weeks pass > Chad doess the same thing > he gets praised and applauded 13 KB JPG > help an old lady carry bags > 'will you f--- her haha? > Chad helps a woman > this is based 15 years later I still hate these people and have refrained from helping others which of course makes me an a------ You can't win. It is always a lose-lose
: Anonymous 04/07/21 (Wed)18:08:14 No.63097597 > be on a school trip to museum > open doors for girls > classmates laugh > couple weeks pass > Chad doess the same thing > he gets praised and applauded 13 KB JPG > help an old lady carry bags > 'will you f--- her haha? > Chad helps a woman > this is based 15 years later I still hate these people and have refrained from helping others which of course makes me an a------ You can't win. It is always a lose-lose

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Anon helps an exchange student | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/19(Thu)11:29:42 No.789007932 >in school >chinese transfer student comes up to me >barely speaks english >"anon how speak person that make you learn in class?" >he means teacher 8 KB JPG >teacher is black >idea >"oh it's n-----" >ching chong steps into class >happy exclaims "HI N-----" >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 01/03/19(Thu)11:29:42 No.789007932 >in school >chinese transfer student comes up to me >barely speaks english >"anon how speak person that make you learn in class?" >he means teacher 8 KB JPG >teacher is black >idea >"oh it's n-----" >ching chong steps into class >happy exclaims "HI N-----" >mfw View Thread

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anon played too much FPS games | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 851576134 1 hr ago High School Story >be me 16 years old >me and my best friend are chilling in the back of the class >exchange hot girl joins our math class > OhShit.mp4 > A week later she asks me to help her because she has a crush on my best friend 15.6 kB PNG > "Sure why not" > me and the girl walk towards him at the end of math class > "Yo bro, this is Alice from Sweden" > They start talking, normal boring conversation > *Everything is going smoothly* > *beep* a clock-like sound out of nowhere start beeping in our classroom. > panic.jpg I start to panic and accidentally blur out "oh s--- its bomb" > Everyone looks at me like if I murdered someone > girl starts crying > best friend start laughing his ass off > turns out she is diabetic and has a valve in her body that beeps when is low in glucose Why am I like this 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 851576134 1 hr ago High School Story >be me 16 years old >me and my best friend are chilling in the back of the class >exchange hot girl joins our math class > OhShit.mp4 > A week later she asks me to help her because she has a crush on my best friend 15.6 kB PNG > "Sure why not" > me and the girl walk towards him at the end of math class > "Yo bro, this is Alice from Sweden" > They start talking, normal boring conversation > *Everything is going smoothly* > *beep* a clock-like sound out of nowhere start beeping in our classroom. > panic.jpg I start to panic and accidentally blur out "oh s--- its bomb" > Everyone looks at me like if I murdered someone > girl starts crying > best friend start laughing his ass off > turns out she is diabetic and has a valve in her body that beeps when is low in glucose Why am I like this 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon tries to make his girlfriend hapoy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy
: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy

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Anon is not very patriotic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: DnxktxSt 04/06/21(Tue)15:12:39 No.315435084 >Be from New Zealand Whangarei >Can't even pronounce name of own country >Nyoowr Zealand >Can't even pronounce most words of the english language Hamitan Kotarja Taurangn Gintorne Ner astings amersten North Wenganu Nelkon Gha Wellington NEW ZEALAND Catchureh timaru bunedin cargill Pacitic Ocean 140 KB PNG >Afraid of the flu >Afraid of China >Afraid of New World Order >Guy shoots up mosques >Throw away gun rights because afraid >One of the first countries to sign on to beeld beck betah >Aspires to be cool like neighbor Australia >Can't even hang What is the worst country and why is it new zealand
: Anonymous (ID: DnxktxSt 04/06/21(Tue)15:12:39 No.315435084 >Be from New Zealand Whangarei >Can't even pronounce name of own country >Nyoowr Zealand >Can't even pronounce most words of the english language Hamitan Kotarja Taurangn Gintorne Ner astings amersten North Wenganu Nelkon Gha Wellington NEW ZEALAND Catchureh timaru bunedin cargill Pacitic Ocean 140 KB PNG >Afraid of the flu >Afraid of China >Afraid of New World Order >Guy shoots up mosques >Throw away gun rights because afraid >One of the first countries to sign on to beeld beck betah >Aspires to be cool like neighbor Australia >Can't even hang What is the worst country and why is it new zealand

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Anon ups his trolling game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:35:57 No.63109175 >Youtube finally had enough of my s--- and completely shadowbanned me from using any kind of profanity or verbal abuse in the comments. >Adapt to it. >Somehow trolling normies without using any kind of profanity gets me LOL BUITHURT 9 KB JPG 10 times more butthurt replies than when I was calling them f------ and n------. What is this sorcery?
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:35:57 No.63109175 >Youtube finally had enough of my s--- and completely shadowbanned me from using any kind of profanity or verbal abuse in the comments. >Adapt to it. >Somehow trolling normies without using any kind of profanity gets me LOL BUITHURT 9 KB JPG 10 times more butthurt replies than when I was calling them f------ and n------. What is this sorcery?

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Anon plays Mafia 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid

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anon has a smoothie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous did my gf poison me 04/07/21(Wed)16:37:09 No.63104137 >be yesterday, playing vidya >gf says 'im making a smoothie, want one?" >bit weird... shes never made me one before, but okay >drink it over the course of 5min 373 KB PNG >gf comes back, surprised I drank it all >keeps asking how it tasted, did I like it, do I want another one >she leaves to run an errand >20min go by, my stomach is now completed nauseated >pain is 9/10, never had stomach pain like this before in my life >im curled in the fetal position, seconds away from dialing 911 >end up violently vomiting 4 times into a nearby bowl >having whole-body convulsions for 90 seconds afterward, like a f------ exorcism >theres a big grey streak in the vomit bowl, the last thing I dry-heaved up >gf comes back, I ask her w-- was in that smoothie because I just puked >'oh just some whey protein, raspberries, blueberries, hemp hearts' >anything else??? >'i put some collagen in mine, maybe i put some in yours too, i cant remember' >she seems unbothered by it, almost like she didnt believe i threw up
: Anonymous did my gf poison me 04/07/21(Wed)16:37:09 No.63104137 >be yesterday, playing vidya >gf says 'im making a smoothie, want one?" >bit weird... shes never made me one before, but okay >drink it over the course of 5min 373 KB PNG >gf comes back, surprised I drank it all >keeps asking how it tasted, did I like it, do I want another one >she leaves to run an errand >20min go by, my stomach is now completed nauseated >pain is 9/10, never had stomach pain like this before in my life >im curled in the fetal position, seconds away from dialing 911 >end up violently vomiting 4 times into a nearby bowl >having whole-body convulsions for 90 seconds afterward, like a f------ exorcism >theres a big grey streak in the vomit bowl, the last thing I dry-heaved up >gf comes back, I ask her w-- was in that smoothie because I just puked >'oh just some whey protein, raspberries, blueberries, hemp hearts' >anything else??? >'i put some collagen in mine, maybe i put some in yours too, i cant remember' >she seems unbothered by it, almost like she didnt believe i threw up

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Anon has predicted the future | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:36:34 No.851564742 story time /b/ >be me >9 years old >get Xbox 360 with kinect >create profile 1.62 MB GIF >create avatar >think to myself >what would my dad look like >think for a solid hour >start designing avatar >takes 2 hours >finish >Avatar has full beard >sunglasses >biker gloves >leather jacket >boots >is midly fat >complete >half a year passes >meet dad for first time >explains he is in an MC >visit his house >see biker gloves >leather jacket >sunglasses >Dad is a mildly fat >have fun and go back to grandma house >boot on Xbox >play Red Faction Gurrella >pause >open avatar screen >see that avatar is exactly like dad >mfw I predicted what my dad would look and be like 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:36:34 No.851564742 story time /b/ >be me >9 years old >get Xbox 360 with kinect >create profile 1.62 MB GIF >create avatar >think to myself >what would my dad look like >think for a solid hour >start designing avatar >takes 2 hours >finish >Avatar has full beard >sunglasses >biker gloves >leather jacket >boots >is midly fat >complete >half a year passes >meet dad for first time >explains he is in an MC >visit his house >see biker gloves >leather jacket >sunglasses >Dad is a mildly fat >have fun and go back to grandma house >boot on Xbox >play Red Faction Gurrella >pause >open avatar screen >see that avatar is exactly like dad >mfw I predicted what my dad would look and be like 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon goes to a con | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)13:01:06 No.851443064 >>851441504 (OP) >Be me >Don't shower for a month >Go to Comic Con >Don't shower for another week >Place 108th in Smash Tournament
>> Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)13:01:06 No.851443064 >>851441504 (OP) >Be me >Don't shower for a month >Go to Comic Con >Don't shower for another week >Place 108th in Smash Tournament

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Anon speaks to a qt | /r/Greentext

21:01 A /b/851562705 Anonymous 0 minutes ago 851562705 > Be me, 29 year old > Buying new clothes at a department store > qt 8/10 employee approaches me while l'm browsing > "Hi there! Do you need help finding anything?" > Tell her no, but we chat for a bit > Kinda nervous in front of her, but I can hold a conversation so I'm not completely retarded (or soI thought) > She seems nice, I think I'll ask her out > "Hey so I think you're really cute! Do you want to grab coffee together sometime?" > "Uhmmmmm.." > Panic sets in, try to play it off cool > "You can give your answer like you're swiping on Tinder if it makes it easier!" > She laughs... and then waves her hand left > F--- > My face starts getting super red, I know it. I try to save whatever dignity I have left so I turn around and speed walk to the exit >I turn around as I'm heading out and qt looks super confused/sad > Whatever, f--- that bitch > 3 days later, l'm in the shower contemplating my life choices when I realize > She didn't swipe left > She swiped right, but I was opposite her so it looked like she was swiping left from my POV II
21:01 A /b/851562705 Anonymous 0 minutes ago 851562705 > Be me, 29 year old > Buying new clothes at a department store > qt 8/10 employee approaches me while l'm browsing > "Hi there! Do you need help finding anything?" > Tell her no, but we chat for a bit > Kinda nervous in front of her, but I can hold a conversation so I'm not completely retarded (or soI thought) > She seems nice, I think I'll ask her out > "Hey so I think you're really cute! Do you want to grab coffee together sometime?" > "Uhmmmmm.." > Panic sets in, try to play it off cool > "You can give your answer like you're swiping on Tinder if it makes it easier!" > She laughs... and then waves her hand left > F--- > My face starts getting super red, I know it. I try to save whatever dignity I have left so I turn around and speed walk to the exit >I turn around as I'm heading out and qt looks super confused/sad > Whatever, f--- that bitch > 3 days later, l'm in the shower contemplating my life choices when I realize > She didn't swipe left > She swiped right, but I was opposite her so it looked like she was swiping left from my POV II

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Anon gatekeeps /r9k/ | /r/Greentext

File: maxresdefault.jpg (151 KB, 1700x900) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)01:08:42 No.63095082 ► >63095191 >>63095234 >>63095235 >>63095389 >my gf does that all the time f--- you >muh ex girlfriend and die >my wife isn't like that- kys >just got a date f--- off >just lost my virginity gtfo >hey guys! lost my virginity last year but we had a bad break up so l'm back! end yourself >just cheated on muh gf don't care >hey pal, l'm average looking and 6'1 and I got a girl so stop being bitter commit seppuku >we'll all make it not all of us >I'm 40 and I turned it all around this year! a little too late >just got a job that pays 70k a year, saved 15k investin' in stocks and gettin looks from ladies now hope you become infertile and your wife leaves you after the inevitable gold digging scam of a marriage If anyone else feels the same there will be hope for this place
File: maxresdefault.jpg (151 KB, 1700x900) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)01:08:42 No.63095082 ► >63095191 >>63095234 >>63095235 >>63095389 >my gf does that all the time f--- you >muh ex girlfriend and die >my wife isn't like that- kys >just got a date f--- off >just lost my virginity gtfo >hey guys! lost my virginity last year but we had a bad break up so l'm back! end yourself >just cheated on muh gf don't care >hey pal, l'm average looking and 6'1 and I got a girl so stop being bitter commit seppuku >we'll all make it not all of us >I'm 40 and I turned it all around this year! a little too late >just got a job that pays 70k a year, saved 15k investin' in stocks and gettin looks from ladies now hope you become infertile and your wife leaves you after the inevitable gold digging scam of a marriage If anyone else feels the same there will be hope for this place

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Stick at it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)14:46:48 No.142596970 >He has a driver's license >Can't drive stick Do western countries unironically do this 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/06/21 (Tue)14:49:57 No.142597147 >>142596970 (OP) # >bribed 50$ for a driving license >never touch a stirring wheel in my live
: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)14:46:48 No.142596970 >He has a driver's license >Can't drive stick Do western countries unironically do this 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/06/21 (Tue)14:49:57 No.142597147 >>142596970 (OP) # >bribed 50$ for a driving license >never touch a stirring wheel in my live

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Anon wears a beanie | /r/Greentext

: Anon 04/07/21(Wed)18:13:35 No.63107069 >Be me >7th grade >Wears beanie to school because autism >Ffw to lunch >All my friends are at choir so there's only two boys in class, me being one of them >The other boy is this retard nobody likes 144 KB JPG named Zach >Zach tries to be funny and steal my beanie >I'm not having any of it >Start chasing Zach around class and eventually catch up to him > Decide to push him >Mfw he slams his head on the teachers desk >Starts crying like a little bitch >Grab my beanie and leave for the bathroom F----- deserved it
: Anon 04/07/21(Wed)18:13:35 No.63107069 >Be me >7th grade >Wears beanie to school because autism >Ffw to lunch >All my friends are at choir so there's only two boys in class, me being one of them >The other boy is this retard nobody likes 144 KB JPG named Zach >Zach tries to be funny and steal my beanie >I'm not having any of it >Start chasing Zach around class and eventually catch up to him > Decide to push him >Mfw he slams his head on the teachers desk >Starts crying like a little bitch >Grab my beanie and leave for the bathroom F----- deserved it

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Delivered to you fresh, straight from /b/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)02:35:44 No.851553453 pepe what.jpg 8 KB JPG Greentext time >Be me, a few weeks ago >Taking public transit and walking home because truck is in auto shop >Walking behind this one person >They turn around, 1/10, short, fat, man hating boner killing feminist stops and looks right at me with a face like I was gonna f------ r--- her. >Walk past her without making eye contact >Glance at shadows and she starts walking while muttering "yeah keep walking" What in gods name am I going to do to you, we are walking past a busy street at 4 in the afternoon. Most guys wouldn't even shoot you because it'd be considered a waste of ammunition.
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)02:35:44 No.851553453 pepe what.jpg 8 KB JPG Greentext time >Be me, a few weeks ago >Taking public transit and walking home because truck is in auto shop >Walking behind this one person >They turn around, 1/10, short, fat, man hating boner killing feminist stops and looks right at me with a face like I was gonna f------ r--- her. >Walk past her without making eye contact >Glance at shadows and she starts walking while muttering "yeah keep walking" What in gods name am I going to do to you, we are walking past a busy street at 4 in the afternoon. Most guys wouldn't even shoot you because it'd be considered a waste of ammunition.

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