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Anon tries to impress qt pi | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/19(Thu)23:46:03 No.803832434 >be me >at the gym >see 8.5/10 qt from my school >try to make small talk with her while I do 5kg bicep curls >decide to be even more of a 41 KB JPG chad and show off >l grab a pair of 25kg weights >"wow anon 25kgs is a lot, are you sure that's safe?" >it's showtime.jpg >l curl the weight and tear my bicep open >probably won't be able to go back to gym for at least a year
: Anonymous 07/04/19(Thu)23:46:03 No.803832434 >be me >at the gym >see 8.5/10 qt from my school >try to make small talk with her while I do 5kg bicep curls >decide to be even more of a 41 KB JPG chad and show off >l grab a pair of 25kg weights >"wow anon 25kgs is a lot, are you sure that's safe?" >it's showtime.jpg >l curl the weight and tear my bicep open >probably won't be able to go back to gym for at least a year

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Anon gets lucky | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)18:42:55 No.792881471 >>792881665 >be friends with hot qtpie >want more but got friendzoned >her bf is a jacked alpha dude >he would kill me if I f----- around with his gf >lonely summer day >chillin at her place like we used to >this time with alcohol >starts talking about sex life >we get homy >l start rubbing the back then the thighs >literally diamonds >l start advancing knowing I'll get rejected >to my surprise I get a h------ >l grow confidence >we end up f------ like animals all night >he says we shouldn't let her know about this We high fived like bros then laughed about how absurd this all was.
Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)18:42:55 No.792881471 >>792881665 >be friends with hot qtpie >want more but got friendzoned >her bf is a jacked alpha dude >he would kill me if I f----- around with his gf >lonely summer day >chillin at her place like we used to >this time with alcohol >starts talking about sex life >we get homy >l start rubbing the back then the thighs >literally diamonds >l start advancing knowing I'll get rejected >to my surprise I get a h------ >l grow confidence >we end up f------ like animals all night >he says we shouldn't let her know about this We high fived like bros then laughed about how absurd this all was.

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Anon fixes a computer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed
Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed

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anon tries to socialize | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)19:37:27 No.63165331 >Try to make new friends >Talk to somebody >They make it about themselves and talk 95% of the time >Now your turn >Can sense a shift in their interest, boredom and disgust in their social 7 KB JPG cues >Feel pain and frustration for even trying in the first place, when you already knew damn well the outcomes >My bad, avoid them and never talk to them again Everytime.
: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)19:37:27 No.63165331 >Try to make new friends >Talk to somebody >They make it about themselves and talk 95% of the time >Now your turn >Can sense a shift in their interest, boredom and disgust in their social 7 KB JPG cues >Feel pain and frustration for even trying in the first place, when you already knew damn well the outcomes >My bad, avoid them and never talk to them again Everytime.

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Anon hides his secret | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21 (Mon)10:39:04 No.63177018 >having my man period >mum walks in >"whats up with all the blood anon?" >"nosebleed" secrets safe lads 7 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/12/21 (Mon)10:39:04 No.63177018 >having my man period >mum walks in >"whats up with all the blood anon?" >"nosebleed" secrets safe lads 7 KB PNG

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Anon meets Ben Shapiro | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)06:54:15 No.780496075 >Be me >barricaded in my room for weeks >the r--- dwarf r---- and killed my girlfriend >I hear his gigantic sack dragging on the ground as he giggles 48 KB PNG >decided that this isn't how I want to live >take down my barricade >pull down my pants and just wait for the inevitable >I can hear him giggle in excitement >his sack drags quickly towards me >all of the sudden I hear the dwarf squeal >l whip around to see Ben Shapiro waitwhat.crossover >he begins to violently r--- the dwarf while repeating rekt libtard and quoting black crime statistics >all the dwarf does is squeal >after he is done he just looks at me and says "Facts don't care about your feelings" >he throws a smoke bomb and disappears >MFW
: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)06:54:15 No.780496075 >Be me >barricaded in my room for weeks >the r--- dwarf r---- and killed my girlfriend >I hear his gigantic sack dragging on the ground as he giggles 48 KB PNG >decided that this isn't how I want to live >take down my barricade >pull down my pants and just wait for the inevitable >I can hear him giggle in excitement >his sack drags quickly towards me >all of the sudden I hear the dwarf squeal >l whip around to see Ben Shapiro waitwhat.crossover >he begins to violently r--- the dwarf while repeating rekt libtard and quoting black crime statistics >all the dwarf does is squeal >after he is done he just looks at me and says "Facts don't care about your feelings" >he throws a smoke bomb and disappears >MFW

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)06:14:03 No.63174849 >be me >virgin but really want to lose it >parents are out for the weekend so they leave me home alone >know no girls that would want to f--- me and too young and stupid 53 KB JPG to know how to hire a h----- >idea.jpg >remember there's a meth head lady that sweeps our porch for 5 bucks >she usually comes on sundays so wait for her >offer her 20 bucks my parents left me for pizza to take my virginity and since she's really cheap she accepts >go into the living room and have sex in the couch >lostmyvirginitytoamilf.mp4 >finally I'm not a virgin anymore and she didn't even judge me >be happy as heck >be an hour ago >dad called me and told me he checked the cameras to see what I did today >turns out they installed a nanny cam in the living room cause they don't trust me >yells at me and tell me I'm in deep trouble once they get back home >hear mom crying in the background for some reason Bros i dont want it to be tomorrow i really wanna die rn h-------- nothing ever goes right in my Ifie
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)06:14:03 No.63174849 >be me >virgin but really want to lose it >parents are out for the weekend so they leave me home alone >know no girls that would want to f--- me and too young and stupid 53 KB JPG to know how to hire a h----- >idea.jpg >remember there's a meth head lady that sweeps our porch for 5 bucks >she usually comes on sundays so wait for her >offer her 20 bucks my parents left me for pizza to take my virginity and since she's really cheap she accepts >go into the living room and have sex in the couch >lostmyvirginitytoamilf.mp4 >finally I'm not a virgin anymore and she didn't even judge me >be happy as heck >be an hour ago >dad called me and told me he checked the cameras to see what I did today >turns out they installed a nanny cam in the living room cause they don't trust me >yells at me and tell me I'm in deep trouble once they get back home >hear mom crying in the background for some reason Bros i dont want it to be tomorrow i really wanna die rn h-------- nothing ever goes right in my Ifie

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Anon is a beta | /r/Greentext

File: 1597697729375.jpg (7 KB, 250x237) O Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)23:24:01 No.4197222 » >Go to mcdonalds >"Yeah can I get a cheeseburger" >Wagie just flat out says "No." >Shocked at his answer >Don't know what to say so I leave Am l a beta
File: 1597697729375.jpg (7 KB, 250x237) O Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)23:24:01 No.4197222 » >Go to mcdonalds >"Yeah can I get a cheeseburger" >Wagie just flat out says "No." >Shocked at his answer >Don't know what to say so I leave Am l a beta

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Anon is bored | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)09:25:54 No.63176471 >open steam library >scroll down >scroll up >scroll down again >sigh, close steam 134 КВ PNG every f------ time
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)09:25:54 No.63176471 >open steam library >scroll down >scroll up >scroll down again >sigh, close steam 134 КВ PNG every f------ time

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Anon goes to a wedding | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)21:07:50 No.851882265 >Attend wedding of best friend >Getting ready to leave >Tap on shoulder ??? ??? >Turn >First fiancee standing there >Haven't seen her in 20 years after she broke things off 89 KB JPG >She's married with kids >Tearfully apologizing to me for being toxic I'm full of weird emotions and not sure what to make of it.
: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)21:07:50 No.851882265 >Attend wedding of best friend >Getting ready to leave >Tap on shoulder ??? ??? >Turn >First fiancee standing there >Haven't seen her in 20 years after she broke things off 89 KB JPG >She's married with kids >Tearfully apologizing to me for being toxic I'm full of weird emotions and not sure what to make of it.

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Anon wants to socialize | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)00:06:16 No.63170013 >think about going to meetup group to talk to some normies Meetup >imagine how the conversation will go >"so what are your hobbies anon?" >"I really enjoy playing league of legends and cooming to feet p--- 55 KB PNG 12 hours a day and once in a while l'll do something productive" >decide against it
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)00:06:16 No.63170013 >think about going to meetup group to talk to some normies Meetup >imagine how the conversation will go >"so what are your hobbies anon?" >"I really enjoy playing league of legends and cooming to feet p--- 55 KB PNG 12 hours a day and once in a while l'll do something productive" >decide against it

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Dear god deliver us from this nightmare | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >I have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night l'm subjected to a hellscape of culture references and poop jokes pop
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >I have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night l'm subjected to a hellscape of culture references and poop jokes pop

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Anon has advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)11:37:05 No.63161086 How to date as a man >be tall >be attractive >be physically fit and active >be funny >be interesting 72 KB JPG >have interesting skills and hobbies >have a good and interesting job >make a lot of money >carry every conversation >be the entertainer >be the provider >be the organizer >play the numbers game >initiate every interaction >hope a girl takes a pity on you >do not miss any of the steps How to date as a woman >have hole How can anyone seriously expect sane men to take part in a ridiculous market like this? I don't mind putting in the effort but it'd at least be nice to get something other than a spoiled basic bitch with burnt out dopamine receptors out of it.
: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)11:37:05 No.63161086 How to date as a man >be tall >be attractive >be physically fit and active >be funny >be interesting 72 KB JPG >have interesting skills and hobbies >have a good and interesting job >make a lot of money >carry every conversation >be the entertainer >be the provider >be the organizer >play the numbers game >initiate every interaction >hope a girl takes a pity on you >do not miss any of the steps How to date as a woman >have hole How can anyone seriously expect sane men to take part in a ridiculous market like this? I don't mind putting in the effort but it'd at least be nice to get something other than a spoiled basic bitch with burnt out dopamine receptors out of it.

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Anon uses female filters | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)20:27:58 No.62679577 >use female filter on my own selfie >almost nothing changes F--- 31 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)20:27:58 No.62679577 >use female filter on my own selfie >almost nothing changes F--- 31 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread

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Ghost sighting | /r/Greentext

File: 68F2ACAA-7542-4A36-87CF-F(...).jpg (28 KB, 364x317) O Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)10:58:13 No.63164047 [Reply] >see person I knew in high school >not sure in if they remember me >don't want deal with potential embarrassment >try to avoid eye contact as we pass >'oh hey anon'
File: 68F2ACAA-7542-4A36-87CF-F(...).jpg (28 KB, 364x317) O Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)10:58:13 No.63164047 [Reply] >see person I knew in high school >not sure in if they remember me >don't want deal with potential embarrassment >try to avoid eye contact as we pass >'oh hey anon'

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anon is short | /r/Greentext

: maidanon !Q5DVS88Z03E 04/11/21(Sun)21:40:33 No.63167032 >tfw go to grocery store >need something on the top shelf >its out of reach >*look around and see no one* >have to do a jump to grab it 344 KB JPG Luckily no one saw LOL
: maidanon !Q5DVS88Z03E 04/11/21(Sun)21:40:33 No.63167032 >tfw go to grocery store >need something on the top shelf >its out of reach >*look around and see no one* >have to do a jump to grab it 344 KB JPG Luckily no one saw LOL

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Anon had a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)18:35:56 No.851825355 >be me >at a houseparty of a friend >crush is there as well >try to get rid of my oneitis, so mostly ignore her >just have fun with friends >few hours later 159 KB PNG >she talks to me >doesn't seem to recognize me >is pretty drunk >l'm tipsy as well >have fun with her >she asks if I can tuck her in >its not even her home >goes to my friends parents room >lies on the bed >go grab a bottle of water for her >when I get back she is undressed >invites me into her bed >contemplate whether I should or shouldn't >she's drunk as f--- >say f--- it and make out with her >have sex >barely last a minute >she falls asleep >get out of there >text her next day how she felt >was surprised I was there >told me she doesn't remember seeing me >"yeah haha lol you were pretty drunk"
: Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)18:35:56 No.851825355 >be me >at a houseparty of a friend >crush is there as well >try to get rid of my oneitis, so mostly ignore her >just have fun with friends >few hours later 159 KB PNG >she talks to me >doesn't seem to recognize me >is pretty drunk >l'm tipsy as well >have fun with her >she asks if I can tuck her in >its not even her home >goes to my friends parents room >lies on the bed >go grab a bottle of water for her >when I get back she is undressed >invites me into her bed >contemplate whether I should or shouldn't >she's drunk as f--- >say f--- it and make out with her >have sex >barely last a minute >she falls asleep >get out of there >text her next day how she felt >was surprised I was there >told me she doesn't remember seeing me >"yeah haha lol you were pretty drunk"

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Anon is Uncle Ben | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/16(Tue)20:11:08 No.75697195 hqdefault_0.jpg 11 KB JPG >oh, you're sad because a girl at your high-school doesn't like you back? Peter, when I was your age, I left school to bullseye g---- from a helicopter in the middle of some god forsaken jungle. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the lady-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing bamboo shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his chink village and watching our f----hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Peter! You know what? F--- you. Get the f--- out of my car. >>75697234 # >>75697332 # >>75698895 # >>75702735 #
: Anonymous 10/25/16(Tue)20:11:08 No.75697195 hqdefault_0.jpg 11 KB JPG >oh, you're sad because a girl at your high-school doesn't like you back? Peter, when I was your age, I left school to bullseye g---- from a helicopter in the middle of some god forsaken jungle. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the lady-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing bamboo shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his chink village and watching our f----hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Peter! You know what? F--- you. Get the f--- out of my car. >>75697234 # >>75697332 # >>75698895 # >>75702735 #

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Anon loves CPU’s | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)01:46:47 No.851864056 >be me >decide to do an experiment >if i c-- while looking at any image, i will gain it as a fetish 172 KB JPG >decide to gain a fetish for apple m1 processor >c-- to both front and back pics of the m1 >now have fetish for the m1 processor, and especially the back of it >decide to go further >only c-- tom1 >can no longer get hard for other p--- >fetish adapts to other cpus >am now only attracted to cpus >worth it View Thread
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)01:46:47 No.851864056 >be me >decide to do an experiment >if i c-- while looking at any image, i will gain it as a fetish 172 KB JPG >decide to gain a fetish for apple m1 processor >c-- to both front and back pics of the m1 >now have fetish for the m1 processor, and especially the back of it >decide to go further >only c-- tom1 >can no longer get hard for other p--- >fetish adapts to other cpus >am now only attracted to cpus >worth it View Thread

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If only you knew. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/02/12(Fri)17:39 No.1921453 >if only you knew, ya know, the thing
Anonymous 03/02/12(Fri)17:39 No.1921453 >if only you knew, ya know, the thing

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