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anon gets neglected by developers | /r/Greentext

>be me >playing TF2 >empty CTF room, three players total >just f------ around with each other until something interesting happens 125 KB PNG >all of a sudden both teams get like 7 sniper bots at once >stole various usernames and profile pics from real players >the bots ambush the entire room >music blasts through vc >all three legit players get votekicked >whole thing is over in like thirty seconds I have whiplash right now, what in the everloving f--- just happened
>be me >playing TF2 >empty CTF room, three players total >just f------ around with each other until something interesting happens 125 KB PNG >all of a sudden both teams get like 7 sniper bots at once >stole various usernames and profile pics from real players >the bots ambush the entire room >music blasts through vc >all three legit players get votekicked >whole thing is over in like thirty seconds I have whiplash right now, what in the everloving f--- just happened

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Anon meets Batman's parents | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)01:59:03 No.789153378 >be me, junkie >sitting in a dark ass alley, trying to kill the bedbugs with meth smoke >see a couple walk by, well dressed, clearly have money >takewhatsyours.wav >jump out of the alley and say >"look! No one needs to get hurt just give me your 211 KB JPG money wallet and purse" >the guy says "oh so you wanna hold my wife down and force your c--- into her ass while I watch helplessly from across the street huh??!" >wait..what? >he pulls his wife's pants down and runs across the street >she looks at me and licks her lips >mfw I just wanted some f------ meth you f------ cucks.
: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)01:59:03 No.789153378 >be me, junkie >sitting in a dark ass alley, trying to kill the bedbugs with meth smoke >see a couple walk by, well dressed, clearly have money >takewhatsyours.wav >jump out of the alley and say >"look! No one needs to get hurt just give me your 211 KB JPG money wallet and purse" >the guy says "oh so you wanna hold my wife down and force your c--- into her ass while I watch helplessly from across the street huh??!" >wait..what? >he pulls his wife's pants down and runs across the street >she looks at me and licks her lips >mfw I just wanted some f------ meth you f------ cucks.

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Anon is a cuck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)08:31:22 No.63204821 >she comes home after getting thrased by 12 cocks >sorry hun too tired to have sex with you >you masturbate for the 6th time that week to her p----- thinking one day she'll have sex with you the life of marrying a pornstar 10 KB JPG >>63204969 # >>63205326 #
: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)08:31:22 No.63204821 >she comes home after getting thrased by 12 cocks >sorry hun too tired to have sex with you >you masturbate for the 6th time that week to her p----- thinking one day she'll have sex with you the life of marrying a pornstar 10 KB JPG >>63204969 # >>63205326 #

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Any Balkans here can confirm this? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/05/19(Tue)12:04:17 No.55203020 >be me >migrate from canada to some ex yugoslavia country cause my dad was from there >think that i'll be chad from abroad and sufocate in p--- 71 KB JPG no >balkan state of mind is natural trolling in its purest forn >be balkan trolled for decsdes >develope anxiety and depression >they have thick skin and dont react to trolling >start to become balkan chad go back to gay snowflake canada and drown in p--- thank you balkan
Anonymous 11/05/19(Tue)12:04:17 No.55203020 >be me >migrate from canada to some ex yugoslavia country cause my dad was from there >think that i'll be chad from abroad and sufocate in p--- 71 KB JPG no >balkan state of mind is natural trolling in its purest forn >be balkan trolled for decsdes >develope anxiety and depression >they have thick skin and dont react to trolling >start to become balkan chad go back to gay snowflake canada and drown in p--- thank you balkan

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Anon rediscovers his coom powers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:07:58 No.63208762 >went from not fapping for 3 weeks to fapping daily I'm a coomer again It cannot be stopped 99 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:54:52 No.63209141 >NO0000 YOU CANT JUST ALLEVIATE YOUR STRESS AND BOREDOM THROUGH HEALTHY SEXUAL RELIEF YOU DISGUSTING COOMER!!!!! 653 KB PNG >>63209216 #
: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:07:58 No.63208762 >went from not fapping for 3 weeks to fapping daily I'm a coomer again It cannot be stopped 99 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:54:52 No.63209141 >NO0000 YOU CANT JUST ALLEVIATE YOUR STRESS AND BOREDOM THROUGH HEALTHY SEXUAL RELIEF YOU DISGUSTING COOMER!!!!! 653 KB PNG >>63209216 #

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Anon talks about current affairs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)09:52:11 No.852041675 >be 26 year vet >cant tell the difference between taser and gun? no wonder they want to defund CHICAGO you. 843 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/14/21 (Wed)10:00:36 No.852042139 >>852041675 (OP)_# Imagine spending 26 years of your life in a profession and not being able to distinguish one tool from another. Oops the fireman accidentally used a foam extinguisher on the electrical fire >>852042480 # >>852047302 #
: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)09:52:11 No.852041675 >be 26 year vet >cant tell the difference between taser and gun? no wonder they want to defund CHICAGO you. 843 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/14/21 (Wed)10:00:36 No.852042139 >>852041675 (OP)_# Imagine spending 26 years of your life in a profession and not being able to distinguish one tool from another. Oops the fireman accidentally used a foam extinguisher on the electrical fire >>852042480 # >>852047302 #

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Anon orders at McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNigger" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry > do mobile order and decide to pick up 23 KB JPG > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNIGGER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >"n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out
: Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNigger" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry > do mobile order and decide to pick up 23 KB JPG > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNIGGER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >"n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out

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Anon is IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aphrodite

File: Feels bad man.png (111 KB, 330x330) O Anonymous (ID: AOdCUgDx) 04/25/14(Fri)20:14:52 No.543873098 >>543873613 >>54387463 Green text stories you would never share outside of /b/. Part 1 >23 >Fresh out of college >tfw no job, no of, no life >After months of searching say f--- it and work for a temp agency >Get a call one day that some tech sales company needs someone to organize their files >F--- it, it's money >Greeted by HR leader >8/10 milf >Go to HR >Milf city >Spend a week hanging out with the milfs and organizing physical files >Notice that no one really pays attention to what I do but they all enjoy talking to me. >One day I'm told to print some documents >A printer is right next head milf's desk >l look up the IP of the printer and connect the s----- thinkpad laptop I was given to it >As it prints the milfs look to me like I'm a god >"Omg anon, how did you get that to work? You must be some sort of computer genius!" >Wat >Discover that IT is just one guy who never does s---, and they've asked him to connect their computers to the printer for weeks >l hook up everyone's computers in thirty minutes >l am now tech God, lord of the milfs Part 2 >What was a week long contract turns into a month long contract >Come in every day and blow their minds doing simple s--- on computer >Told to make spreadsheet about employee information >"This should take you a day or two anon." >Complete it in an hour >"Omg you're so good with computers that would have taken me forever!" >Slowly gain the affection of the milfs. All throughout this process I keep hearing about how IT sucks and the one IT guy who works for a company of around 100 people never does anything. I figured he was just busy, until one day I see the man I shall refer to as the beast from here on out. >One day installing drivers for various s--- on HR milfs computers >In walks the beast >Large, fat, greasy man around my age >Completely underdressed, groaning as he moves >Says he's there to connect people's computers to the printer >They explain I eyes meet >A rivalry is formed. The beast knows his rule has been upset, and now the milfs, a strong alliance to have, flock to me. >Our >He scoffs and walks off I took care of it >Milfs talk about him >"Yeah he doesn't talk much, no one is really too fond of it. Lol Anon I wish you worked with us but we don't need another IT guy!" >A plan is hatched >l will be IT guy, lord of the milfs Don't know if anyone is reading but f--- it I want to keep typing. Part 3 >Day >One after day I do everything IT should do, which really boils down to installing drivers and connecting hardware e day I try to connect printer to some old f------ computer >Discover there's a password on printer >Passwords are on everything >Go directly to IT and ask the beast if I can get the password >The beast smirks >"Don't worry about that stuff, l'm the IT guy I got it." >IT guy returns to his lair >Milfs displeased since I can no longer help them out Over the next few days I just filed all this confidential s--- like employee's past run ins with the law. >Notice the folder for the beast >His name is on the IT door so that's how I know it's him >Open it up and flip to his history with the law >See he egot caught stealing from a store in 2012 >Look through notes made by HR employee >This m----------- stole a 3DS from gamestop and got a misdemeanor for it >Laugh and get back to work, determined to take him down >l will be IT guy Part 4 >Notice the beast goes to lunch at the same time every day >He takes an hour long lunch break >He doesn't leave IT unlocked >l don't know what I'm looking for, but I know if I can get into IT room I can end him >The mecca of the IT room is calling to me >lt will be >One day the beast leaves for lunch and doesn't lock IT room door >No one pays attention to me, this is my time >Enter IT room navs stench enters my nose >Terrible >Wires everywhere, servers not organized at allIl, cheetos on his desk >The company paid this m------------ 52k a year to live like this >l approach his computer, looking for something good >Boot it up to see pokemon wallpaper on computer >Files scattered across desktop >One is plain text document entitled "Password" >Open it >Turns out IT password has been Charizard123 this whole time >See another folder >"ROMS" >Open it up >Jackpot >ROMS and emulation software for Gameboy, SNES, all that s--- >Open a few games He was actually really far in pokemon blue, and was half way through Chrono Trigger. His pokemon party sucked though, and for some reason he used a level 42 ditto. >This is all the evidence I need to take him down >Snap a few pictures of the roms >Head back to HR happier than ever before >l will be IT guy >Return to HR and show them Roms >Feel like a d---, but the beast must be conquered >Have to explain to them what roms are for like, thirty f------ minutes >"So, he downloaded video games to play at work?" >Explain that it's illegal to download roms lol >HR rages >They call him in when he gets back from lunch and show him the pictures >He rages at me >"HE ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!" >Everyone looks at me >"I was just trying to help out HR, I didn't mean to see any of this but wasting the companies time is no joke" >I sound like the biggest f----- but I'm laughing so hard as the milfs eat it up >He gets fired the next day As he was walking out, I had a strange moment. You know in Star Trek Wrath of Khan, where Khan says to kirk "In another life we could have been allies?" I felt this way about the beast. He wasn't a bad guy, just a lazy person who played games all day, and that's exactly what I planned to do in IT. But it had to be done, for the milfs. >l'm instantly the next candidate and go in for an interview with HR >Best interview I ever had. >This lady didn't know s--- about computers so I just threw around buzzwords to sound intelligent. >"Well you see, I've been dealing with RAM based systems for quite some time, and in order to optimize a system of this size you have to delete any potential virus programs to optimize the megabyte data flow." >"Oh wow Anon, I never knew that. >Get the job in a heart beat >Enter IT the next week >Nothing has been cleaned >The great reconstruction begins >Spend a week eliminating his stench from IT >Keep all his roms on the computer >Spend half my days installing s--- for the milfs and everyone else in the company, the other half playing his pokemon file >l released ditto because who the f--- needs a level 42 ditto >All their files are physical files, so when I get bored I begin the insanely long process of making everything digital >Scanning a few dozen things a day, checking data with employees, it's a good way to kill time and meet people >One day I'm get a file for a woman around my age named Emily >She didn't fill out everything on it so I go down to speak to her >Enter sales and go to the cubicle with her name >Emily is not at her desk, instead there sits a goddess >lf there has ever been a 10/10 for me, it would be Emily >Spaghetti in my pockets as I approach, but then I remember the truth >l am IT, lord of the milfs >Emily >Sit down and go over the file with her >Can't keep my eyes off her, absolutely beautiful and charismatic |come to worship me in time >Return to IT with file >She will be mine >Over the next week I stop digitalizing all the information >Emily is the main objective >First pull her personal file >Find some good information, but not much that would help me. Bank account numbers, employment history, past altercation with the law (none). Nothing to really go on. >Then I find her resume, it's a solid start >Resume reveals where she went to school and her cover letter reveals more >She enjoys music, has played violin for 11 years >It's a ste >Take all these files, make copies of them, and bring them home with me for reference >l return to IT and for over a weekI make up plausible excuses to me near her day >Oops oh well guess I have to spend the whole day at your cubicle >Another day a virus may have affected her system, an no one elses >Open a terminal on her computer and type basic commands such as Is-l to bring up a lot of text >One her computer "isn't correctly transferring data to IT" >"Oh wow, yeah this will take awhile. Guess I have to spend some time with you at your cubicle" >Do this for a week and slowly get to know her >She's really cool, loves music, and actually plays some vidya >Too much spaghetti in my pockets to ask her out, but I bide some time >Eventually realize I'm retarded for not just monitoring her computer when she goes on facebook or something >Do this, get her facebook password, dig some more >She's single >l know her bank account information, her friends, what she likes >The time to strike is now >Don't >I have too much information, that would not be putting it to good use >See that a symphony is playing at a nearby theater hall >Decide to buy two tickets to it >Holy shitballs symphony tickets are expensive >Have to take a risk, I have too much information not to want to just ask her to a movie or some s--- >The next day I go to her cubicle to fix up her computer >It's been acting up a lot lately, I better spend more time with you >While there I ask her what her plans for the weekend are >She looks a bit reserved, may think I'm asking her out >She she's hanging out with some friends from college then asks me what I'm doing says >Explain that I was going to see this symphony with a friend, and I'm a huge fan of live violin music, but my friend backed out and now I have an extra ticket anon I I play violin that's so cool!" >"Oh, well, I mean, I do have this extra ticket, and, I would hate to go alone. Would you like to come with me?" >She's totally down, says she can be with her friends any time >Begin to alpha up >"Well it's in the evening after dinner, so how about we get some food before hand?" >She's f------ down with it >Word gets to the milfs we're going out this weekend >They're all awesome, like a bunch of mom's l'm attracted to in some weird f----- up way >All telling me to have a great time with Emily >The wooing process begins, and I have knowledge on my side >Go to pick her up on Saturday >Dress up well, figure a symphony is a pretty formal thing >Get at her house >F------ Aphrodite emerges before me, allowing me to bask in her glory >Wearing low cut dress, dat clevage >Choke on my words a little when I greet her like a beta Rughs a little bit and we head out SHave >Have a great dinner together, she talks about vidva a little bit Hor >Her interest in vidya surprises me >As she talks about GTA, I nearly slip up and almost say "Your file said nothing about you liking video games. >Thank God man has ever worshipped I didn't do that. every >Dinner goes great, then we go to the symphony SActu >Actually pretty fun >She's loving it >l take her home, nervous and beta as s--- at the door She >She takes the reigns >"You know Anon, some of the pieces they played are pieces I know how to play. If you have a moment, you can come in and l'll play you a piece." >l feel like I'm in some f------ fancy movie >Who the f--- makes an offer like that >l enter the domain of the goddess, spirits soaring >She will be mine >l am IT, lord of the milfs, tamer of the goddess Aprodite >Her apartment smells like f------ flowers >S--- is fancy as f---, nice furniture, nice setting, she lights some candles >'m in >She plays violin and is really f------ good at it >l watch her play violin in the candle light for a few moments >She finishes and I tell her she's amazing >She blushes >This is it >Go sit next to her, smile, and ask "So what do you want to do now?" >It's time >Make out for a bit >Can't believe my situation >Getting paid 50k a year to help milfs hook up their computers to printers, making out with the goddess, this is insane >We only make out, she doesn't want to go further >Agree to go out next weekend >When I get home I destroy the file I had on her >All the information must be comitted to memory now, no loose ends, no chances >Return to work on Monday >Milfs in HR swarm me >Tell them we're going out again next weekend >"Oh anon that's so sweet! Oh by the way I can't connect to the internet." >Get back to work playing Final Fantasy 6 and digitalizing files >Whole week is amazing >Whenever I see Emily we smile, maybe speak a bit We go out the next weekend and things are great >One month later we're still going out >Get invited to her place >It's time to bang >l am IT guy, lord of the milfs, soon to be lover of Aphrodite > >We make out, she takes off her top >Perfect t---, little pink n------ Take it to the bed room Lay her on the bed and just look at her for a moment >Can't f------ believe we're banging. >Looks like a cross between Tori Black and Eva Angelina (sp?) >We got at it for three hours >Physically and mentally exhausted afterwards >She suggested we take a shower together >No f------ way am I turning that down >Bang in the shower for thirty minutes >Pass out on the bed >Things are great for three months >One week at work she's rather distant, avoidant and cold >Says she needs to talk to me >"Oh f---." >Thursday night I go to her place >She just takes me to the bathroom, and points to the counter There's a pregnancy test there >"Oh f---." >She's pregnant >She's upset, I'm just confused, can't believe this happened >She's crying, she's confused, all this s--- >She wants to keep it, she's shaking and scared and worried about what I will do >There I am, IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aprodite, soon to be dad. >>543880596 >Go outside on the porch to get some air >Mind is blank, don't really know what to do or say >l come back inside and see her sitting in the same chair where she played the violin for me >She's in a beautiful apartment, she's a beautiful person, the room is warm and smells good >l just stand there for a moment and look around at everything >In four months I went from a jobless college graduate with no gf and spaghettin my my pockets, to IT guy, lord of the milfs, and lover of Aphrodite. feel. good "man >F--- it, this is no big deal >Tell her I love her >She tells me she loves me >She burst into tears, I hold her >We agree we're going to make it work. We're going to have the kid and love each other and make it work no matter what >Fast forward to current day >My son is two >Emily is asleep right now, I'm comfortably drunk typing this story, then I'm going to go sleep with her >lt all started by digging around at a job, getting the beast fired, illegally copying confidential information, and getting the most beautiful girl I had ever seen pregnant >We're getting married in eight months, moving into a house in three >mfw I've never been happier Life is crazy /b/, one day you're a f----- straight out of college, the next you're a father and almost a husband with a great family. Keep at it /b/, life works itself out in great ways >tfw Emily and I spent the day playing Dark Souls 2 >tfw My son loves "Red hat guy" (mario) and watches me play Super Mario World 3 >tfw it all worked out
File: Feels bad man.png (111 KB, 330x330) O Anonymous (ID: AOdCUgDx) 04/25/14(Fri)20:14:52 No.543873098 >>543873613 >>54387463 Green text stories you would never share outside of /b/. Part 1 >23 >Fresh out of college >tfw no job, no of, no life >After months of searching say f--- it and work for a temp agency >Get a call one day that some tech sales company needs someone to organize their files >F--- it, it's money >Greeted by HR leader >8/10 milf >Go to HR >Milf city >Spend a week hanging out with the milfs and organizing physical files >Notice that no one really pays attention to what I do but they all enjoy talking to me. >One day I'm told to print some documents >A printer is right next head milf's desk >l look up the IP of the printer and connect the s----- thinkpad laptop I was given to it >As it prints the milfs look to me like I'm a god >"Omg anon, how did you get that to work? You must be some sort of computer genius!" >Wat >Discover that IT is just one guy who never does s---, and they've asked him to connect their computers to the printer for weeks >l hook up everyone's computers in thirty minutes >l am now tech God, lord of the milfs Part 2 >What was a week long contract turns into a month long contract >Come in every day and blow their minds doing simple s--- on computer >Told to make spreadsheet about employee information >"This should take you a day or two anon." >Complete it in an hour >"Omg you're so good with computers that would have taken me forever!" >Slowly gain the affection of the milfs. All throughout this process I keep hearing about how IT sucks and the one IT guy who works for a company of around 100 people never does anything. I figured he was just busy, until one day I see the man I shall refer to as the beast from here on out. >One day installing drivers for various s--- on HR milfs computers >In walks the beast >Large, fat, greasy man around my age >Completely underdressed, groaning as he moves >Says he's there to connect people's computers to the printer >They explain I eyes meet >A rivalry is formed. The beast knows his rule has been upset, and now the milfs, a strong alliance to have, flock to me. >Our >He scoffs and walks off I took care of it >Milfs talk about him >"Yeah he doesn't talk much, no one is really too fond of it. Lol Anon I wish you worked with us but we don't need another IT guy!" >A plan is hatched >l will be IT guy, lord of the milfs Don't know if anyone is reading but f--- it I want to keep typing. Part 3 >Day >One after day I do everything IT should do, which really boils down to installing drivers and connecting hardware e day I try to connect printer to some old f------ computer >Discover there's a password on printer >Passwords are on everything >Go directly to IT and ask the beast if I can get the password >The beast smirks >"Don't worry about that stuff, l'm the IT guy I got it." >IT guy returns to his lair >Milfs displeased since I can no longer help them out Over the next few days I just filed all this confidential s--- like employee's past run ins with the law. >Notice the folder for the beast >His name is on the IT door so that's how I know it's him >Open it up and flip to his history with the law >See he egot caught stealing from a store in 2012 >Look through notes made by HR employee >This m----------- stole a 3DS from gamestop and got a misdemeanor for it >Laugh and get back to work, determined to take him down >l will be IT guy Part 4 >Notice the beast goes to lunch at the same time every day >He takes an hour long lunch break >He doesn't leave IT unlocked >l don't know what I'm looking for, but I know if I can get into IT room I can end him >The mecca of the IT room is calling to me >lt will be >One day the beast leaves for lunch and doesn't lock IT room door >No one pays attention to me, this is my time >Enter IT room navs stench enters my nose >Terrible >Wires everywhere, servers not organized at allIl, cheetos on his desk >The company paid this m------------ 52k a year to live like this >l approach his computer, looking for something good >Boot it up to see pokemon wallpaper on computer >Files scattered across desktop >One is plain text document entitled "Password" >Open it >Turns out IT password has been Charizard123 this whole time >See another folder >"ROMS" >Open it up >Jackpot >ROMS and emulation software for Gameboy, SNES, all that s--- >Open a few games He was actually really far in pokemon blue, and was half way through Chrono Trigger. His pokemon party sucked though, and for some reason he used a level 42 ditto. >This is all the evidence I need to take him down >Snap a few pictures of the roms >Head back to HR happier than ever before >l will be IT guy >Return to HR and show them Roms >Feel like a d---, but the beast must be conquered >Have to explain to them what roms are for like, thirty f------ minutes >"So, he downloaded video games to play at work?" >Explain that it's illegal to download roms lol >HR rages >They call him in when he gets back from lunch and show him the pictures >He rages at me >"HE ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!" >Everyone looks at me >"I was just trying to help out HR, I didn't mean to see any of this but wasting the companies time is no joke" >I sound like the biggest f----- but I'm laughing so hard as the milfs eat it up >He gets fired the next day As he was walking out, I had a strange moment. You know in Star Trek Wrath of Khan, where Khan says to kirk "In another life we could have been allies?" I felt this way about the beast. He wasn't a bad guy, just a lazy person who played games all day, and that's exactly what I planned to do in IT. But it had to be done, for the milfs. >l'm instantly the next candidate and go in for an interview with HR >Best interview I ever had. >This lady didn't know s--- about computers so I just threw around buzzwords to sound intelligent. >"Well you see, I've been dealing with RAM based systems for quite some time, and in order to optimize a system of this size you have to delete any potential virus programs to optimize the megabyte data flow." >"Oh wow Anon, I never knew that. >Get the job in a heart beat >Enter IT the next week >Nothing has been cleaned >The great reconstruction begins >Spend a week eliminating his stench from IT >Keep all his roms on the computer >Spend half my days installing s--- for the milfs and everyone else in the company, the other half playing his pokemon file >l released ditto because who the f--- needs a level 42 ditto >All their files are physical files, so when I get bored I begin the insanely long process of making everything digital >Scanning a few dozen things a day, checking data with employees, it's a good way to kill time and meet people >One day I'm get a file for a woman around my age named Emily >She didn't fill out everything on it so I go down to speak to her >Enter sales and go to the cubicle with her name >Emily is not at her desk, instead there sits a goddess >lf there has ever been a 10/10 for me, it would be Emily >Spaghetti in my pockets as I approach, but then I remember the truth >l am IT, lord of the milfs >Emily >Sit down and go over the file with her >Can't keep my eyes off her, absolutely beautiful and charismatic |come to worship me in time >Return to IT with file >She will be mine >Over the next week I stop digitalizing all the information >Emily is the main objective >First pull her personal file >Find some good information, but not much that would help me. Bank account numbers, employment history, past altercation with the law (none). Nothing to really go on. >Then I find her resume, it's a solid start >Resume reveals where she went to school and her cover letter reveals more >She enjoys music, has played violin for 11 years >It's a ste >Take all these files, make copies of them, and bring them home with me for reference >l return to IT and for over a weekI make up plausible excuses to me near her day >Oops oh well guess I have to spend the whole day at your cubicle >Another day a virus may have affected her system, an no one elses >Open a terminal on her computer and type basic commands such as Is-l to bring up a lot of text >One her computer "isn't correctly transferring data to IT" >"Oh wow, yeah this will take awhile. Guess I have to spend some time with you at your cubicle" >Do this for a week and slowly get to know her >She's really cool, loves music, and actually plays some vidya >Too much spaghetti in my pockets to ask her out, but I bide some time >Eventually realize I'm retarded for not just monitoring her computer when she goes on facebook or something >Do this, get her facebook password, dig some more >She's single >l know her bank account information, her friends, what she likes >The time to strike is now >Don't >I have too much information, that would not be putting it to good use >See that a symphony is playing at a nearby theater hall >Decide to buy two tickets to it >Holy shitballs symphony tickets are expensive >Have to take a risk, I have too much information not to want to just ask her to a movie or some s--- >The next day I go to her cubicle to fix up her computer >It's been acting up a lot lately, I better spend more time with you >While there I ask her what her plans for the weekend are >She looks a bit reserved, may think I'm asking her out >She she's hanging out with some friends from college then asks me what I'm doing says >Explain that I was going to see this symphony with a friend, and I'm a huge fan of live violin music, but my friend backed out and now I have an extra ticket anon I I play violin that's so cool!" >"Oh, well, I mean, I do have this extra ticket, and, I would hate to go alone. Would you like to come with me?" >She's totally down, says she can be with her friends any time >Begin to alpha up >"Well it's in the evening after dinner, so how about we get some food before hand?" >She's f------ down with it >Word gets to the milfs we're going out this weekend >They're all awesome, like a bunch of mom's l'm attracted to in some weird f----- up way >All telling me to have a great time with Emily >The wooing process begins, and I have knowledge on my side >Go to pick her up on Saturday >Dress up well, figure a symphony is a pretty formal thing >Get at her house >F------ Aphrodite emerges before me, allowing me to bask in her glory >Wearing low cut dress, dat clevage >Choke on my words a little when I greet her like a beta Rughs a little bit and we head out SHave >Have a great dinner together, she talks about vidva a little bit Hor >Her interest in vidya surprises me >As she talks about GTA, I nearly slip up and almost say "Your file said nothing about you liking video games. >Thank God man has ever worshipped I didn't do that. every >Dinner goes great, then we go to the symphony SActu >Actually pretty fun >She's loving it >l take her home, nervous and beta as s--- at the door She >She takes the reigns >"You know Anon, some of the pieces they played are pieces I know how to play. If you have a moment, you can come in and l'll play you a piece." >l feel like I'm in some f------ fancy movie >Who the f--- makes an offer like that >l enter the domain of the goddess, spirits soaring >She will be mine >l am IT, lord of the milfs, tamer of the goddess Aprodite >Her apartment smells like f------ flowers >S--- is fancy as f---, nice furniture, nice setting, she lights some candles >'m in >She plays violin and is really f------ good at it >l watch her play violin in the candle light for a few moments >She finishes and I tell her she's amazing >She blushes >This is it >Go sit next to her, smile, and ask "So what do you want to do now?" >It's time >Make out for a bit >Can't believe my situation >Getting paid 50k a year to help milfs hook up their computers to printers, making out with the goddess, this is insane >We only make out, she doesn't want to go further >Agree to go out next weekend >When I get home I destroy the file I had on her >All the information must be comitted to memory now, no loose ends, no chances >Return to work on Monday >Milfs in HR swarm me >Tell them we're going out again next weekend >"Oh anon that's so sweet! Oh by the way I can't connect to the internet." >Get back to work playing Final Fantasy 6 and digitalizing files >Whole week is amazing >Whenever I see Emily we smile, maybe speak a bit We go out the next weekend and things are great >One month later we're still going out >Get invited to her place >It's time to bang >l am IT guy, lord of the milfs, soon to be lover of Aphrodite > >We make out, she takes off her top >Perfect t---, little pink n------ Take it to the bed room Lay her on the bed and just look at her for a moment >Can't f------ believe we're banging. >Looks like a cross between Tori Black and Eva Angelina (sp?) >We got at it for three hours >Physically and mentally exhausted afterwards >She suggested we take a shower together >No f------ way am I turning that down >Bang in the shower for thirty minutes >Pass out on the bed >Things are great for three months >One week at work she's rather distant, avoidant and cold >Says she needs to talk to me >"Oh f---." >Thursday night I go to her place >She just takes me to the bathroom, and points to the counter There's a pregnancy test there >"Oh f---." >She's pregnant >She's upset, I'm just confused, can't believe this happened >She's crying, she's confused, all this s--- >She wants to keep it, she's shaking and scared and worried about what I will do >There I am, IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aprodite, soon to be dad. >>543880596 >Go outside on the porch to get some air >Mind is blank, don't really know what to do or say >l come back inside and see her sitting in the same chair where she played the violin for me >She's in a beautiful apartment, she's a beautiful person, the room is warm and smells good >l just stand there for a moment and look around at everything >In four months I went from a jobless college graduate with no gf and spaghettin my my pockets, to IT guy, lord of the milfs, and lover of Aphrodite. feel. good "man >F--- it, this is no big deal >Tell her I love her >She tells me she loves me >She burst into tears, I hold her >We agree we're going to make it work. We're going to have the kid and love each other and make it work no matter what >Fast forward to current day >My son is two >Emily is asleep right now, I'm comfortably drunk typing this story, then I'm going to go sleep with her >lt all started by digging around at a job, getting the beast fired, illegally copying confidential information, and getting the most beautiful girl I had ever seen pregnant >We're getting married in eight months, moving into a house in three >mfw I've never been happier Life is crazy /b/, one day you're a f----- straight out of college, the next you're a father and almost a husband with a great family. Keep at it /b/, life works itself out in great ways >tfw Emily and I spent the day playing Dark Souls 2 >tfw My son loves "Red hat guy" (mario) and watches me play Super Mario World 3 >tfw it all worked out

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Anon is a autist in normies clothing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:37:53 No.852060828 >be me >26 years old, 4 years out of college >have mental breakdown >lose career job >start working at a bar in college town >everyone somehow thinks I'm between 19-21 because I take care of myself and still look very young 30 KB JPG >fit in with coworkers >become a zoomer >start listening to drain gang and going on tik tok >start f------ a 20 year old waitress from work >basically in college again >rewind on life, things have meaning again >never going back
: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:37:53 No.852060828 >be me >26 years old, 4 years out of college >have mental breakdown >lose career job >start working at a bar in college town >everyone somehow thinks I'm between 19-21 because I take care of myself and still look very young 30 KB JPG >fit in with coworkers >become a zoomer >start listening to drain gang and going on tik tok >start f------ a 20 year old waitress from work >basically in college again >rewind on life, things have meaning again >never going back

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Gimme all your lovin' | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)22:26:37 No.63204346 >be me >social reject >have loud upstairs neighbors that have sex REEEEEE >have had to hear their bedframe bang on the wall above me for months now 454 KB GIF >ropefuel.jpeg >Say f--- it, tired of hiding behind headphones, gonna buy a speaker >new speaker came in last week >paybacktime.exe >Play a wide variety of music, from ZZ Top to Tchaikovsky to MF DOOM to Rick Astley to f------ baby shark >today my neighbor had enough >Guess it would be hard for a normie to c-- to XXXTENTACION's RIP ROACH being blasted right from under you >knocks on my door >don't want to confront (Covid) and just place the speaker in front of my door >knocking gets louder What do bros this is a very uncomfortable situation and I'm already about to send an email to the leasing office
: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)22:26:37 No.63204346 >be me >social reject >have loud upstairs neighbors that have sex REEEEEE >have had to hear their bedframe bang on the wall above me for months now 454 KB GIF >ropefuel.jpeg >Say f--- it, tired of hiding behind headphones, gonna buy a speaker >new speaker came in last week >paybacktime.exe >Play a wide variety of music, from ZZ Top to Tchaikovsky to MF DOOM to Rick Astley to f------ baby shark >today my neighbor had enough >Guess it would be hard for a normie to c-- to XXXTENTACION's RIP ROACH being blasted right from under you >knocks on my door >don't want to confront (Covid) and just place the speaker in front of my door >knocking gets louder What do bros this is a very uncomfortable situation and I'm already about to send an email to the leasing office

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Anon is missing out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:01:44 No.63005271 Why does circumcision have to exist? >finally manage to find a women willing to have sex with me after 31 years of virginity. >My heart is racing... I'm excited and rock hard. So I slide my d--- in... >it feels like... a sort of wet nothingness. Sure, its tight, its warm. But there isn't much sensation or pleasure at all. Not anywhere near the ecstasy l've 17 KB PNG been told about. >pull out and finish. Awkwardly clean up and leave. >I think to myself "wow... jacking off feels better than that." >later realize that because I'm circumcised, I'm missing out on like 75% of the pleasure I should have experienced. >MFW.
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:01:44 No.63005271 Why does circumcision have to exist? >finally manage to find a women willing to have sex with me after 31 years of virginity. >My heart is racing... I'm excited and rock hard. So I slide my d--- in... >it feels like... a sort of wet nothingness. Sure, its tight, its warm. But there isn't much sensation or pleasure at all. Not anywhere near the ecstasy l've 17 KB PNG been told about. >pull out and finish. Awkwardly clean up and leave. >I think to myself "wow... jacking off feels better than that." >later realize that because I'm circumcised, I'm missing out on like 75% of the pleasure I should have experienced. >MFW.

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Anon learns from experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:39:44 No.63208998 >Brother is a giganormie >Full time job, successful in his career >~6'0", white, blue eyes, blonde hair >Loved by both parents >Has had many girlfriends >Got arrested for obviously fake r--- allegations this morning >Girl accusing him is a known psycho, there are messages from her saying she wants it 59 KB JPG >she's still getting her way What's the point of even trying to make it? I'm so angry I just want my brother back. 7 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)16:39:44 No.63208998 >Brother is a giganormie >Full time job, successful in his career >~6'0", white, blue eyes, blonde hair >Loved by both parents >Has had many girlfriends >Got arrested for obviously fake r--- allegations this morning >Girl accusing him is a known psycho, there are messages from her saying she wants it 59 KB JPG >she's still getting her way What's the point of even trying to make it? I'm so angry I just want my brother back. 7 Replies View Thread

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Anon loses his superpowers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)17:44:04 No.63209533 >Be degenerate NEET >Do nothing all day >Mysteriously, a Unity tutorial shows up in my YouTube recommended >Never searched for anything remotely close to game development >Watch the tutorial a bit 46 KB PNG >Dopamine rush, want to make a game myself >Use s----- 90s textures and make a car simulation game >Publish it on Google Play Store >Mfw got over a million downloads >Mfw made 20k in revenue >Mfw got deeper into game development and am planning on making a big map game with AAA quality >Mfw my life changed cause of a YouTube algorithm Thanks YouTube
: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)17:44:04 No.63209533 >Be degenerate NEET >Do nothing all day >Mysteriously, a Unity tutorial shows up in my YouTube recommended >Never searched for anything remotely close to game development >Watch the tutorial a bit 46 KB PNG >Dopamine rush, want to make a game myself >Use s----- 90s textures and make a car simulation game >Publish it on Google Play Store >Mfw got over a million downloads >Mfw made 20k in revenue >Mfw got deeper into game development and am planning on making a big map game with AAA quality >Mfw my life changed cause of a YouTube algorithm Thanks YouTube

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Anon is not homosexual | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)19:28:37 No.9566577 >be me >18 >have a good life >have good family >smartest in the family >favorite in the family >have lots of friends 824 KB PNG >one day hanging with friends >"Hey anon, have you ever smoked a joint" >"no" >"Take a hit, anon" >"no" >"Are you a homosexual, anon" >"I ain't no homosexual" >"Then take one, anon" >Takes the hit >feelgoodman.jpg >addiction kicks in >smoking all the time >stop doing homework >stop going to class >lose all scholarships >kicked out of home >lose all hope mfw I am homeless for being called a homosexual
: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)19:28:37 No.9566577 >be me >18 >have a good life >have good family >smartest in the family >favorite in the family >have lots of friends 824 KB PNG >one day hanging with friends >"Hey anon, have you ever smoked a joint" >"no" >"Take a hit, anon" >"no" >"Are you a homosexual, anon" >"I ain't no homosexual" >"Then take one, anon" >Takes the hit >feelgoodman.jpg >addiction kicks in >smoking all the time >stop doing homework >stop going to class >lose all scholarships >kicked out of home >lose all hope mfw I am homeless for being called a homosexual

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Anon wants more money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)06:44:26 No.63203423 Does anyone want free money? I'm going to hang myself very soon and idk what to do with it, I've also got a thousand in bitcoin so drop your wallet and l'll send some to you 12 KB JPG 48 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)10:55:53 No.63206338 >63203639 # >be you >spend days and days s------- on everyone here >call them loser incels >attempt to break their spirits on a daily basis >someone says they're going to end their life >noooo don't do that bro I f------ hate you people. >>63206369 #
: Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)06:44:26 No.63203423 Does anyone want free money? I'm going to hang myself very soon and idk what to do with it, I've also got a thousand in bitcoin so drop your wallet and l'll send some to you 12 KB JPG 48 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/14/21(Wed)10:55:53 No.63206338 >63203639 # >be you >spend days and days s------- on everyone here >call them loser incels >attempt to break their spirits on a daily basis >someone says they're going to end their life >noooo don't do that bro I f------ hate you people. >>63206369 #

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Anon argues | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. ago >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. ago >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon cant relate to zoomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)21:54:06 No.63206018 >early zoomer (1998) >can't relate to millennials, they're practically boomers >can't relate to early zoomers 7 KB JPG 34 Replies / 7 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/13/21(Tue)21:54:06 No.63206018 >early zoomer (1998) >can't relate to millennials, they're practically boomers >can't relate to early zoomers 7 KB JPG 34 Replies / 7 Images View Thread

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Anon meets Ben Shapiro | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I 7 KB JPG get knocked out >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later
: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I 7 KB JPG get knocked out >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later

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anon doesn’t go to space | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/05/19(Mon)07:34:34 No.806369057 >Be me >Always wanted to be an astronaut >Think "if I train real hard l'll be one someday" >Train real hard >Learn physics and s--- >Eventually work my way up to the 1.02 MB PNG space program >Tfw finally accepted into the space force with highest honors >Onwards, where no man has gone before! >All of a sudden the program is cancelled >Demand to know why >"Sorry anon, we decided to hire a gang of amphibious creatures to fight for us on other planets instead" >mfw I read the first letter of each sentence
: Anonymous 08/05/19(Mon)07:34:34 No.806369057 >Be me >Always wanted to be an astronaut >Think "if I train real hard l'll be one someday" >Train real hard >Learn physics and s--- >Eventually work my way up to the 1.02 MB PNG space program >Tfw finally accepted into the space force with highest honors >Onwards, where no man has gone before! >All of a sudden the program is cancelled >Demand to know why >"Sorry anon, we decided to hire a gang of amphibious creatures to fight for us on other planets instead" >mfw I read the first letter of each sentence

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Anon dislikes false advertisement. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)21:56:22 No.795913984 >be me, on deathbed from terminal Oronge cancer 5-hour KENERGY >drink 5 hour energy REGULAR STRENGTH >die 2 hours later Vitamins Nutrients eie - Sugar Free Gal What the f---? 31 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)21:56:22 No.795913984 >be me, on deathbed from terminal Oronge cancer 5-hour KENERGY >drink 5 hour energy REGULAR STRENGTH >die 2 hours later Vitamins Nutrients eie - Sugar Free Gal What the f---? 31 KB JPG

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