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dead anon tells a story. | /r/Greentext

File: 1342889711888.jpg (41 KB, 447x425) Anonymous (ID: 62GUC90E) 05/17/14(Sat)13:24:46 No.546835062 >>546835350 >>546835545 >>546835658 >>546835802 >>546835957 >>546835989 >>546836321 >>546836827 >>546837392 >>546838392 ITT Deaf people problems >I learned farting makes a sound at 20 Was with gf (not my first one) >At dinner in a very nice place >Waiter asking me for my order and my a------ needs to flex >Waiter gives look of disgust and terror Itwaswet. PNG >Gf signs me asking if I s--- myself >l have no clue what's going on >my girlfriend had to explain to me with the waiter right there that F--- I just farted and that they make noise and that this particular one made everyone in the room stop talking >Mfw ive farted in front of everyone I know and nobody has ever said anything to me I excused myself to the bathroom and never talked to her again Anonymous (ID: JW6J5EFE) 05/17/14(Sat)13:27:24 No.546835350 File: 1374525874783.jpg (47 KB, 321x374) >>546835062 (OP) this has got to be the greatest thing i ever read Anonymous (ID: qq9pYIE8) 05/17/14(Sat)13:28:33 No.546835464 >546836217 >>546836321 File: I stole this laptop.jpg (85 KB, 425x282)
File: 1342889711888.jpg (41 KB, 447x425) Anonymous (ID: 62GUC90E) 05/17/14(Sat)13:24:46 No.546835062 >>546835350 >>546835545 >>546835658 >>546835802 >>546835957 >>546835989 >>546836321 >>546836827 >>546837392 >>546838392 ITT Deaf people problems >I learned farting makes a sound at 20 Was with gf (not my first one) >At dinner in a very nice place >Waiter asking me for my order and my a------ needs to flex >Waiter gives look of disgust and terror Itwaswet. PNG >Gf signs me asking if I s--- myself >l have no clue what's going on >my girlfriend had to explain to me with the waiter right there that F--- I just farted and that they make noise and that this particular one made everyone in the room stop talking >Mfw ive farted in front of everyone I know and nobody has ever said anything to me I excused myself to the bathroom and never talked to her again Anonymous (ID: JW6J5EFE) 05/17/14(Sat)13:27:24 No.546835350 File: 1374525874783.jpg (47 KB, 321x374) >>546835062 (OP) this has got to be the greatest thing i ever read Anonymous (ID: qq9pYIE8) 05/17/14(Sat)13:28:33 No.546835464 >546836217 >>546836321 File: I stole this laptop.jpg (85 KB, 425x282)

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Anon is into traps | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped
: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped

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Anon is social degenerate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:56:20 No.40073827 >>40073392 (OP) # >walking girl down path to her house holding hands >she lets go of my hand >anon, i think we need to go 293 KB PNG further than this >well yeah how else are we gonna get to your house? >>40073865 # >>40073896 # : Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:58:31 No.40073865 >>40073827 # HOLY F------ S--- ANON LITERALLY HOW
: Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:56:20 No.40073827 >>40073392 (OP) # >walking girl down path to her house holding hands >she lets go of my hand >anon, i think we need to go 293 KB PNG further than this >well yeah how else are we gonna get to your house? >>40073865 # >>40073896 # : Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:58:31 No.40073865 >>40073827 # HOLY F------ S--- ANON LITERALLY HOW

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Anon is not a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)12:49:54 No.45755456 YgmcQiK.jpg 46 KB JPG >try to get a Chad haircut >comes out looking like pic related What the f--- am I doing wrong? I went to a proper hair stylist that cost $100. Should I shave it all off?
: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)12:49:54 No.45755456 YgmcQiK.jpg 46 KB JPG >try to get a Chad haircut >comes out looking like pic related What the f--- am I doing wrong? I went to a proper hair stylist that cost $100. Should I shave it all off?

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Anon is bullied | /r/Greentext

>first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >lt's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? It felt like dream but it was all real.
>first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >lt's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? It felt like dream but it was all real.

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Femanon regrets having sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)11:44:57 No.852376239 >be me >extremely butch woman >tall, muscular, pretty masculine features, deep voice >basically Brienne of Tarth >not attracted to women in the slightest >lesbians and bi girls harass me 36 KB JPG all the time thinking I'm just not admitting I desire the p--- >get pushy and rude so I get a boyfriend so they'l| finally believe that I'm not into them >they lie to him behind my back saying I'm only with him to coverup my l----- ways from the public >he leaves me >finally give up and have sex with a woman to see if everything they're saying is true >it's f------ disgusting, worse than I thought > I lost my boyfriend and I've been made into an unwilling femfag >Feel like s--- and still have the disgusting taste if p---- in my mouth MFW
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)11:44:57 No.852376239 >be me >extremely butch woman >tall, muscular, pretty masculine features, deep voice >basically Brienne of Tarth >not attracted to women in the slightest >lesbians and bi girls harass me 36 KB JPG all the time thinking I'm just not admitting I desire the p--- >get pushy and rude so I get a boyfriend so they'l| finally believe that I'm not into them >they lie to him behind my back saying I'm only with him to coverup my l----- ways from the public >he leaves me >finally give up and have sex with a woman to see if everything they're saying is true >it's f------ disgusting, worse than I thought > I lost my boyfriend and I've been made into an unwilling femfag >Feel like s--- and still have the disgusting taste if p---- in my mouth MFW

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Anon meets a self-aware trip | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 84NIfqPh ) 04/18/21(Sun)10:27:53 No.317388654 >be me >sister goes to trip India >why.jpg >returns to say it was pathetic >"no s---" >"s--- was all over the place dude" 127 KB JPG kek, I wonder why would anyone think of going there Anonymous (ID: 001SjiQW ) I 04/18/21(Sun)10:30:05 No.316589888 Larp all you want anon, let's see who's seething when we become a superpower in 2020
Anonymous (ID: 84NIfqPh ) 04/18/21(Sun)10:27:53 No.317388654 >be me >sister goes to trip India >why.jpg >returns to say it was pathetic >"no s---" >"s--- was all over the place dude" 127 KB JPG kek, I wonder why would anyone think of going there Anonymous (ID: 001SjiQW ) I 04/18/21(Sun)10:30:05 No.316589888 Larp all you want anon, let's see who's seething when we become a superpower in 2020

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Lethal dose of copium | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)06:17:57 No.63268745 >18 hours left to finish 16 assignments >want to coom because it would feel good >but if i coom i won't do anything for the rest of the day 197 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)06:17:57 No.63268745 >18 hours left to finish 16 assignments >want to coom because it would feel good >but if i coom i won't do anything for the rest of the day 197 KB JPG

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Happens to the best of us anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)21:44:31 No.852377973 >Take a small amount of ambien >Wake up early in the middle of the night >Have to take a huge s--- >Can feel it bubbling in my stomach 79 KB JPG >Run to the nearest bathroom as fast as I can >Sit on the toilet, push with all of my might >S--- blasts out of my a------ like a cannon >Relief >Go back to bed >Wake up covered in s--- >mfw >Was it all a dream?
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)21:44:31 No.852377973 >Take a small amount of ambien >Wake up early in the middle of the night >Have to take a huge s--- >Can feel it bubbling in my stomach 79 KB JPG >Run to the nearest bathroom as fast as I can >Sit on the toilet, push with all of my might >S--- blasts out of my a------ like a cannon >Relief >Go back to bed >Wake up covered in s--- >mfw >Was it all a dream?

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Anon prefers 2D grils | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)00:41:18 No.63267370 >all the girls that ever liked me all closely resembled the 2D girls i ignored them for >now i'm gonna be alone forever 323 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)00:41:18 No.63267370 >all the girls that ever liked me all closely resembled the 2D girls i ignored them for >now i'm gonna be alone forever 323 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread

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Anon falls behind | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)07:04:07 No.63265597 >play for honor >absolute imbalanced p------------ with more bad design choices than good ones >can only enjoy it if playing with some guys from discord >stop playing often because of 11 KB JPG college >whenever I play with them they keep calling me out and making me feel like s--- for messing up because I don't play 24/7 and don't know all the optimal disgusting tactics I lost the last thing I could enjoy in life
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)07:04:07 No.63265597 >play for honor >absolute imbalanced p------------ with more bad design choices than good ones >can only enjoy it if playing with some guys from discord >stop playing often because of 11 KB JPG college >whenever I play with them they keep calling me out and making me feel like s--- for messing up because I don't play 24/7 and don't know all the optimal disgusting tactics I lost the last thing I could enjoy in life

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)23:33:22 No.63265253 > be ceo of bacon megacorporation > want to improve profits > sell "thin-sliced" bacon as cheap alternative to normal bacon > do this for years > start marketing the thin-sliced bacon as normal > regular bacon is "thick-cut" > do this for years > other bacon megacorps adopt your strategy > general public accepts thin-sliced bacon as new normal > raise prices > thin-sliced bacon is the price of old normal bacon > old normal bacon is now thick-cut bacon at higher price > profit
Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)23:33:22 No.63265253 > be ceo of bacon megacorporation > want to improve profits > sell "thin-sliced" bacon as cheap alternative to normal bacon > do this for years > start marketing the thin-sliced bacon as normal > regular bacon is "thick-cut" > do this for years > other bacon megacorps adopt your strategy > general public accepts thin-sliced bacon as new normal > raise prices > thin-sliced bacon is the price of old normal bacon > old normal bacon is now thick-cut bacon at higher price > profit

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Anon hates reddit ghosts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)14:03:50 No.28255328 Why the f--- are there atheist ghosts? I just contacted one that asked me to prove God exists. Why didn't they realize God exists when they appeared in the afterlife? 318 KB PNG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)14:07:06 No.28255339 : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)14:12:43 No.28255369 >be retard atheist ghost >god hates me for being a retard atheist, doesn't allow me into heaven >ask some meatfag to prove god exists to me rather than find out for myself through ghostprayer I despise the fact that there are reddit ghosts
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)14:03:50 No.28255328 Why the f--- are there atheist ghosts? I just contacted one that asked me to prove God exists. Why didn't they realize God exists when they appeared in the afterlife? 318 KB PNG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)14:07:06 No.28255339 : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)14:12:43 No.28255369 >be retard atheist ghost >god hates me for being a retard atheist, doesn't allow me into heaven >ask some meatfag to prove god exists to me rather than find out for myself through ghostprayer I despise the fact that there are reddit ghosts

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Anon hates school | /r/Greentext

>be me >in online school >using personal computer >having fun in school because i get to use my personal computer >school forces dogshit Chromebook >cant use personal computer >fine.png >look through chromebook >see a s--- ton of extensions >1 to block all videos and such >alright i get it, cant let people get distracted >keep looking >find weird extension ive never heard of >look it up >its a school-made spyware >mfw the school can see everything you do >mfw the school can control your browser >mfw the school is forcing this dog s--- computer because its cheap and they want total control of their students
>be me >in online school >using personal computer >having fun in school because i get to use my personal computer >school forces dogshit Chromebook >cant use personal computer >fine.png >look through chromebook >see a s--- ton of extensions >1 to block all videos and such >alright i get it, cant let people get distracted >keep looking >find weird extension ive never heard of >look it up >its a school-made spyware >mfw the school can see everything you do >mfw the school can control your browser >mfw the school is forcing this dog s--- computer because its cheap and they want total control of their students

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Anon wants to flip his life | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)12:14:33 No.63258434 >hate my country >depressed >want to leave >can't due to depression, unable to live like a normal person, get the required work experience or study, already failed uni 279 KB JPG >vicious cycle that can only end in death i'm open to ideas. how do i start living and flip my life upside down? : Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)12:15:23 No.63258447 >>63258434 (OP) You deserve to suffer and you know it.
E Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)12:14:33 No.63258434 >hate my country >depressed >want to leave >can't due to depression, unable to live like a normal person, get the required work experience or study, already failed uni 279 KB JPG >vicious cycle that can only end in death i'm open to ideas. how do i start living and flip my life upside down? : Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)12:15:23 No.63258447 >>63258434 (OP) You deserve to suffer and you know it.

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Anon improved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)07:44:03 No.852363575 >be me >never really got attention from girls in hs >now in college >been lifting for the past year >dress well 34 KB JPG >being 6ft 1 helps >in line for a club last night >a girl comes up to me and starts talking >says she knows someone further up in the line and takes me wither her Did I make it anons? 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)08:04:13 No.852364355 >>852363575 (OP) # 226 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)07:44:03 No.852363575 >be me >never really got attention from girls in hs >now in college >been lifting for the past year >dress well 34 KB JPG >being 6ft 1 helps >in line for a club last night >a girl comes up to me and starts talking >says she knows someone further up in the line and takes me wither her Did I make it anons? 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)08:04:13 No.852364355 >>852363575 (OP) # 226 KB JPG

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anon hates life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: BS6NK+KB ) H 04/18/21(Sun)05:32:19 No.317369008 ► >317369242 >>317369296 >>317369528 >31736957 >>317369582 >>317369748 >>317369788 >>317369963 >>317370013 >>3173 >>317370184 >>317370193 >>317370209 >go through school >be an ugly loser, girls all laugh at me, don't go to prom >ignore them, work hard, get good grades >go to college >be an ugly loser, girls ignore me, no social life the entire time, people creeped out by me when I try to socialise and I feel pathetic >work hard, get good grades >get a job at large well known company after failing lots of interviews >work hard, get all my work done >all coworkers are the same normies that would have ignored or laughed at me before >get told I need to improve because my communication skills aren't good enough >no longer confident about my promotion prospects | I'm tired, bros.
Anonymous (ID: BS6NK+KB ) H 04/18/21(Sun)05:32:19 No.317369008 ► >317369242 >>317369296 >>317369528 >31736957 >>317369582 >>317369748 >>317369788 >>317369963 >>317370013 >>3173 >>317370184 >>317370193 >>317370209 >go through school >be an ugly loser, girls all laugh at me, don't go to prom >ignore them, work hard, get good grades >go to college >be an ugly loser, girls ignore me, no social life the entire time, people creeped out by me when I try to socialise and I feel pathetic >work hard, get good grades >get a job at large well known company after failing lots of interviews >work hard, get all my work done >all coworkers are the same normies that would have ignored or laughed at me before >get told I need to improve because my communication skills aren't good enough >no longer confident about my promotion prospects | I'm tired, bros.

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anon watches a video | /r/Greentext

>watching J------- instruction Video on pornhub >bitch on video says 'wow, your so disgusting with your 'tiny tim', is that even declared a penis?" >feel ashamed 960 KB GIF >apologize in comment section >close browser >mfw
>watching J------- instruction Video on pornhub >bitch on video says 'wow, your so disgusting with your 'tiny tim', is that even declared a penis?" >feel ashamed 960 KB GIF >apologize in comment section >close browser >mfw

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Anon will be surprised | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My desire 12/03/18(Mon)23:19:50 No.49648068 >be me >fap to p--- daily >damn I wish girls were real 1.62 MB JPG : Anonymous 12/03/18(Mon)23:21:40 No.49648098 Have I got a surprise for you f-----
: Anonymous My desire 12/03/18(Mon)23:19:50 No.49648068 >be me >fap to p--- daily >damn I wish girls were real 1.62 MB JPG : Anonymous 12/03/18(Mon)23:21:40 No.49648098 Have I got a surprise for you f-----

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Anon retells his closest time | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: dst3+nby) 08/25/12(Sat)06:51:25 No.421076726 O8 posting my closest time through the medium of greentext, i hope you enjoy >be 19 >at friends party >all get drunk >the girl i really wanted to f--- was there >i decided to stay over at my friends house, so did she >in bed together she was just in her underwear >she starts sucking my finger (like a b------ type sucking) >i take my finger out >bob the wet finger on her nose and say "boop" >nothing further happened seriously thats a true story
Anonymous (ID: dst3+nby) 08/25/12(Sat)06:51:25 No.421076726 O8 posting my closest time through the medium of greentext, i hope you enjoy >be 19 >at friends party >all get drunk >the girl i really wanted to f--- was there >i decided to stay over at my friends house, so did she >in bed together she was just in her underwear >she starts sucking my finger (like a b------ type sucking) >i take my finger out >bob the wet finger on her nose and say "boop" >nothing further happened seriously thats a true story

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