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Anon gets slopped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)11:43:43 No.852597168 >be me >drunk >getting some of the best head in my life >the bitch is super eager to please me >licks my balls and everything >More than any girl l've dated >bust nut >she happily swallows it all >Realize that if my roommate ever finds out what i did to his dog he'll have me arrested
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)11:43:43 No.852597168 >be me >drunk >getting some of the best head in my life >the bitch is super eager to please me >licks my balls and everything >More than any girl l've dated >bust nut >she happily swallows it all >Realize that if my roommate ever finds out what i did to his dog he'll have me arrested

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Anon teaches Karen why you shouldn't run over signs | /r/Greentext

15965029 1823782704528885 2088726311223753541 n.jpg 130 KB JPG Story time folks >Be me >Trump supporter >Trump sign outside to trigger mostly millennial college near by >Constantly getting run over and pulled out >Think of idea (pic related) >Plant nails and wait >One day a woman comes to my door >Fat, purple hair, 23 at most, red at the face and starts screaming at me about how it's my fault her tires are flat OhLordMySides.exe >She says if l don't reimburse her for her tire she'll get the police involved >Sudden Idea >Tell her to leave her information so I can send her the check since I would need to go to the bank >Actually does it >Call my lawyer to set up the lawsuit >Get my outside cameras to see her running over my sign >Give her name address and car tags to confirm it was her car >Take her to court, open and shut case >Pay for damages >Throw in some b------- about emotional damage "I don't feel like me or my property is safe just because of my political views" >Actually f------ works >She loses her f------ s--- at this point >Starts screaming about how I agreed to pay and how this should be illegal NoProof.jpeg >Says she can't pay for basic living expenses or college if she has to pay this >Based Judge says "You should of thought about that before tearing down someone's property, you have 30 days to pay" >She gets her tires destroyed, humiliated in court, can't pay for living expenses, probably got kicked out of college and had to pay me 3k in emotional damages So, guys, what parts of my PC should I upgrade? Pic related
15965029 1823782704528885 2088726311223753541 n.jpg 130 KB JPG Story time folks >Be me >Trump supporter >Trump sign outside to trigger mostly millennial college near by >Constantly getting run over and pulled out >Think of idea (pic related) >Plant nails and wait >One day a woman comes to my door >Fat, purple hair, 23 at most, red at the face and starts screaming at me about how it's my fault her tires are flat OhLordMySides.exe >She says if l don't reimburse her for her tire she'll get the police involved >Sudden Idea >Tell her to leave her information so I can send her the check since I would need to go to the bank >Actually does it >Call my lawyer to set up the lawsuit >Get my outside cameras to see her running over my sign >Give her name address and car tags to confirm it was her car >Take her to court, open and shut case >Pay for damages >Throw in some b------- about emotional damage "I don't feel like me or my property is safe just because of my political views" >Actually f------ works >She loses her f------ s--- at this point >Starts screaming about how I agreed to pay and how this should be illegal NoProof.jpeg >Says she can't pay for basic living expenses or college if she has to pay this >Based Judge says "You should of thought about that before tearing down someone's property, you have 30 days to pay" >She gets her tires destroyed, humiliated in court, can't pay for living expenses, probably got kicked out of college and had to pay me 3k in emotional damages So, guys, what parts of my PC should I upgrade? Pic related

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anon finds a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)12:07:21 No.852627123 >be me >25 yr old. 6/10 guy >single for a few years >dating life non-existent >on tinder, bumble, OkCupid and POF >maybe gone on 2 first dates in a year. no i LOAF you 96 KB JPG second dates either time >taking a s--- in the morning, swiping everyone on tinder >swipe right on profile of a cat >1 hour later >itsamatch.mp3 >send first cat people message >talk like cat people for the next hour or so >finally break character >the person on other side tells me she is a 27yr old female >says she is in a relationship. will never share her actual social media, number or photos with me >cat profile just to prove to female friend not all guys on tinder are assholes >fun to talk to and we talk all day >like 16-18 hours that day >end of day, she is like "anon, you sound like a nice person. here is my insta profile. message me there" >jump on IG like a thirsty dog >11/10hottie.jpg >we talk for more days to come. actually become good friends >finally meet up. grab some poutine and chill at the park >tells me, "anon, you're a good guy". wants to set me up with friend >me and friend talk. 9/10 hottie. go on a date. >friend rejects me >sadsinglelife.exe >talk to the cat friend after >she says her friend can f--- off >still wants to set me up with someone >fewdayslater.jpg >messages me, "anon. my sister is moving to town for her studies. want to go to airport with me to pick her up?" >on the way, tells me she wants to set me up with her sister >sister is 11/10 too >happytears.jpg >make good first impression on the sister >eventually go on a date with her >followed by date 2, 3 and more >in a relationship with her now >happy with life in such a long long time tinder works in mysterious ways. thank you cat lady.
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)12:07:21 No.852627123 >be me >25 yr old. 6/10 guy >single for a few years >dating life non-existent >on tinder, bumble, OkCupid and POF >maybe gone on 2 first dates in a year. no i LOAF you 96 KB JPG second dates either time >taking a s--- in the morning, swiping everyone on tinder >swipe right on profile of a cat >1 hour later >itsamatch.mp3 >send first cat people message >talk like cat people for the next hour or so >finally break character >the person on other side tells me she is a 27yr old female >says she is in a relationship. will never share her actual social media, number or photos with me >cat profile just to prove to female friend not all guys on tinder are assholes >fun to talk to and we talk all day >like 16-18 hours that day >end of day, she is like "anon, you sound like a nice person. here is my insta profile. message me there" >jump on IG like a thirsty dog >11/10hottie.jpg >we talk for more days to come. actually become good friends >finally meet up. grab some poutine and chill at the park >tells me, "anon, you're a good guy". wants to set me up with friend >me and friend talk. 9/10 hottie. go on a date. >friend rejects me >sadsinglelife.exe >talk to the cat friend after >she says her friend can f--- off >still wants to set me up with someone >fewdayslater.jpg >messages me, "anon. my sister is moving to town for her studies. want to go to airport with me to pick her up?" >on the way, tells me she wants to set me up with her sister >sister is 11/10 too >happytears.jpg >make good first impression on the sister >eventually go on a date with her >followed by date 2, 3 and more >in a relationship with her now >happy with life in such a long long time tinder works in mysterious ways. thank you cat lady.

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Anon complains | /r/Greentext

File: 91408619_55df76d5-2245-4(...).jg (15 KB, 410x357) O Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)15:52:31 No.63316195 [Reply] >>63316207 >celebrity cries about being lonely
File: 91408619_55df76d5-2245-4(...).jg (15 KB, 410x357) O Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)15:52:31 No.63316195 [Reply] >>63316207 >celebrity cries about being lonely

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Anon has the iq of a pea | /r/Greentext

50m (4/20 18:00) · 63308986 5 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 14KB · (320 × 218) 5 Replies S--- f--- s--- > Be me > Be in a group of three friends (me, a girl I have a crush on, a chad) > The girl I have a crush on doesnt seem to look at me that way > Im jealous of chad because he is over 6'1 and a beast in strength > Afraid of chad taking her from me > "Why do girls always have to like brainless chads instead of nice guys".png > Decide that if we all take iq test I can prove myself, I always brag about how smart I am on here and anons agree with me all the time > Suggest the idea for "s--- and giggles" > Mfw when both the girl I like and chad have higher iqs than me (chad being the highest) Am I just a waste of biological matter?
50m (4/20 18:00) · 63308986 5 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 14KB · (320 × 218) 5 Replies S--- f--- s--- > Be me > Be in a group of three friends (me, a girl I have a crush on, a chad) > The girl I have a crush on doesnt seem to look at me that way > Im jealous of chad because he is over 6'1 and a beast in strength > Afraid of chad taking her from me > "Why do girls always have to like brainless chads instead of nice guys".png > Decide that if we all take iq test I can prove myself, I always brag about how smart I am on here and anons agree with me all the time > Suggest the idea for "s--- and giggles" > Mfw when both the girl I like and chad have higher iqs than me (chad being the highest) Am I just a waste of biological matter?

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Anon goes to school | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous' Dad 04/21/21(Wed)12:45:10 No.9585224 File: k.png (234 KB, 557x450) >>9585102 (OP) >Be me >14, so 2002 >Find out about a "Hole' " in bathroom wall >The part that fell off can be used to cover it >Hole's quite deep, could probably fit my whole arm in there >Decide to put piss jars there >End up putting a total of 4, could probably fit more but i got tired of pissing in jars >Close it >lt's a bathroom, so the smell of urine doesn't bother anyone >Ffw to 2018, going to put my daughter in the same school >Remember the hole, go check it out >There are 6 jars now
O Anonymous' Dad 04/21/21(Wed)12:45:10 No.9585224 File: k.png (234 KB, 557x450) >>9585102 (OP) >Be me >14, so 2002 >Find out about a "Hole' " in bathroom wall >The part that fell off can be used to cover it >Hole's quite deep, could probably fit my whole arm in there >Decide to put piss jars there >End up putting a total of 4, could probably fit more but i got tired of pissing in jars >Close it >lt's a bathroom, so the smell of urine doesn't bother anyone >Ffw to 2018, going to put my daughter in the same school >Remember the hole, go check it out >There are 6 jars now

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Anon gets robbed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous never thought I will be happy (...) 04/21/21(Wed)15:35:59 No.63316554 >Be me yesterday >its morning >late to work, so rushing through my morning routine >show up 15 minutes late, boss is angry but idc 865 KB JPG >leave office hours later >drive up to my driveway >s--- I left the garage door open >not really bothered bc I live in a nice neighborhood, and nothing was unusual at first >go inside and get dirty clothes for a quick wash, before I eat dinner >get back to the garage >mfw can't find my washing machine >mfw they took my 10 year old grimy shitwasher instead of the 200$ toolbox Thank you unknown thief, had to get rid of that washer years ago, now I can finally get a new one
: Anonymous never thought I will be happy (...) 04/21/21(Wed)15:35:59 No.63316554 >Be me yesterday >its morning >late to work, so rushing through my morning routine >show up 15 minutes late, boss is angry but idc 865 KB JPG >leave office hours later >drive up to my driveway >s--- I left the garage door open >not really bothered bc I live in a nice neighborhood, and nothing was unusual at first >go inside and get dirty clothes for a quick wash, before I eat dinner >get back to the garage >mfw can't find my washing machine >mfw they took my 10 year old grimy shitwasher instead of the 200$ toolbox Thank you unknown thief, had to get rid of that washer years ago, now I can finally get a new one

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Anon is a musical prodegy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)11:23:21 No.852613778 >online music class >never pay attention >never practice >Do random s--- with drum when we have a exam >mfw i have 100% 60 KB JPG Am i a prodegy?
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)11:23:21 No.852613778 >online music class >never pay attention >never practice >Do random s--- with drum when we have a exam >mfw i have 100% 60 KB JPG Am i a prodegy?

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Anon prefers the old fashion way | /r/Greentext

>had sex with my bf last night| >sort of >he's very against "sluts" >thinks women should be virgins bla bla >so whatever i lied >anyway he was the worst lay i 8 KB JPG ever had in my life >d--- was small yes but i've had small guys who made up for it in other ways >he f----- me for about 20 minutes >on and off because he didn't have stamina and needed to rest a bunch >it became clear he wasn't going to come from intercourse >told him to just j------- >so he grabs his c--- ridiculously tight like he was trying to strangle it >shouts "mommy" as he comes >mfw
>had sex with my bf last night| >sort of >he's very against "sluts" >thinks women should be virgins bla bla >so whatever i lied >anyway he was the worst lay i 8 KB JPG ever had in my life >d--- was small yes but i've had small guys who made up for it in other ways >he f----- me for about 20 minutes >on and off because he didn't have stamina and needed to rest a bunch >it became clear he wasn't going to come from intercourse >told him to just j------- >so he grabs his c--- ridiculously tight like he was trying to strangle it >shouts "mommy" as he comes >mfw

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Anon has an accident. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:06:02 No.63318651 f---. > Be masturbating to some weird s---, as usual. > Realize that the c-- is here. > Way quicker than usual, it only took like f------ 30 seconds. > C--. > It felt weird, not as good as usual. 69 KB JPG > But c-- a lot. > Begin cleaning up. > Realize that it's way too liquid and not slimy at all. > It doesn't smell like c--. > It doesnt look like c--. I just p----- myself.
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:06:02 No.63318651 f---. > Be masturbating to some weird s---, as usual. > Realize that the c-- is here. > Way quicker than usual, it only took like f------ 30 seconds. > C--. > It felt weird, not as good as usual. 69 KB JPG > But c-- a lot. > Begin cleaning up. > Realize that it's way too liquid and not slimy at all. > It doesn't smell like c--. > It doesnt look like c--. I just p----- myself.

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Anon attempts something | /r/Greentext

DC8744CE-8D71-478B-8ECD-28667ABC6618.jpg 96 KB JPG I'm gonna walk into McDonald's with this hat on and convince some workers that the holocaust didn't happen. Wish me luck
DC8744CE-8D71-478B-8ECD-28667ABC6618.jpg 96 KB JPG I'm gonna walk into McDonald's with this hat on and convince some workers that the holocaust didn't happen. Wish me luck

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Anon admires Hank Hill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)23:44:01 No.838359702 >be me >30 y/o now >grew up without a father >mom used to make me dinner and we would watch king of the hill >always admired hank hill >begin to model my life after him 51 KB PNG in my 20s >have this thing where i ask myself "what would mr hill do" when important decisions come up >generally works out for me >saved me from some costly mistakes thru life >dedicate myself to working hard through my 20s >had plenty saved before covid >multiple high risk factora like asthma >able to go on extended leave without much to worry about >just bought a propane grill Are you proud of me dad?
: Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)23:44:01 No.838359702 >be me >30 y/o now >grew up without a father >mom used to make me dinner and we would watch king of the hill >always admired hank hill >begin to model my life after him 51 KB PNG in my 20s >have this thing where i ask myself "what would mr hill do" when important decisions come up >generally works out for me >saved me from some costly mistakes thru life >dedicate myself to working hard through my 20s >had plenty saved before covid >multiple high risk factora like asthma >able to go on extended leave without much to worry about >just bought a propane grill Are you proud of me dad?

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Anon is living the dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)22:56:22 No.791764886 > be me > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc > get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God l'm not like any of you degenerates > thx guys 3 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)22:56:22 No.791764886 > be me > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc > get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God l'm not like any of you degenerates > thx guys 3 KB JPG

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Anon receives sympathy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/10/19(Sun)21:11:45 No.51389710 >be me an hour ago >Working minimum wage >GF wants pizza >Have a $5 and some quarters >Go to local pizza shop >Order 8 KB JPG >Only $10 >Fuckyeah.jpg >Go to pay >Start pulling out quarters >Last few are stuck wrapped up in my pocket >Struggling >Sweating.jpg >Owner walks over >"Just give him the pizza he needs it" >Tell him I can give him the money >"No no bless your soul you can keep it" >Leave with pizza >Mfw he thought I was homeless What do, do I never go back or just tip him next time I go in
: Anonymous 03/10/19(Sun)21:11:45 No.51389710 >be me an hour ago >Working minimum wage >GF wants pizza >Have a $5 and some quarters >Go to local pizza shop >Order 8 KB JPG >Only $10 >Fuckyeah.jpg >Go to pay >Start pulling out quarters >Last few are stuck wrapped up in my pocket >Struggling >Sweating.jpg >Owner walks over >"Just give him the pizza he needs it" >Tell him I can give him the money >"No no bless your soul you can keep it" >Leave with pizza >Mfw he thought I was homeless What do, do I never go back or just tip him next time I go in

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Anon plays life in easy mode | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)13:02:41 No.852312007 >be me college student >businessmajor.jpeg >f------ easiest major never have homework >see my friends struggling w stem and nursing classes 123 KB JPG >getfucked.png >land paid internship at business management firm >get job experience >get salary job immediately after college >never did any work friends still struggling to find jobs >I win
: Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)13:02:41 No.852312007 >be me college student >businessmajor.jpeg >f------ easiest major never have homework >see my friends struggling w stem and nursing classes 123 KB JPG >getfucked.png >land paid internship at business management firm >get job experience >get salary job immediately after college >never did any work friends still struggling to find jobs >I win

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Anon is insane | /r/Greentext

File: 4465-d32 ing (8 KB, 220x266) Anonymous (ID: WN3STSO) 06/03/20(Wedy06.02:52 No 10450092 2104510R1 2219451103 1451232 10451525 1451las ??? O Anonymous (ID: CHSWITOW) I-1 06/03/20(Wed)06.04:11 No 10450094 > w-wait what are you doing??? think about this for a secondi that's your thumbl O Anonymous (iD: SAMGRGyT)= 06/03/20(Wedj06:27:10 No. 10450136 dude, go post gore on /b/ please O Anonymous (ID: ME) 06/03/20(Wedj06:30:51 No 10450142 File: fas. gif (644 KB, 500x375) NO NO NONONONONO NON ON NON NON NO NO NO NO NO NO ql 1 O Anonymous (ID: WSSTSO) 06/03/20(Wed)06:36 35 No 10450167 10450192 104505S6 10458 a1045AS71 10451993 10451103 e10451232 File 44538-2341 jeg (16 KB, 348x480) O Anonymous (ID: HSWTOW) -106/03/20(Wed)06 48:24 No. 10450197 File: 1588971295848 jng (18 KB, 399x388) 2210450167 WTFFFFFFFFFF Anonymous (ID: wDSYD)II06/03/20(Wedy09.54.03 No. 10450566 2210450167 what the f--- is wrong with you, sick f---
File: 4465-d32 ing (8 KB, 220x266) Anonymous (ID: WN3STSO) 06/03/20(Wedy06.02:52 No 10450092 2104510R1 2219451103 1451232 10451525 1451las ??? O Anonymous (ID: CHSWITOW) I-1 06/03/20(Wed)06.04:11 No 10450094 > w-wait what are you doing??? think about this for a secondi that's your thumbl O Anonymous (iD: SAMGRGyT)= 06/03/20(Wedj06:27:10 No. 10450136 dude, go post gore on /b/ please O Anonymous (ID: ME) 06/03/20(Wedj06:30:51 No 10450142 File: fas. gif (644 KB, 500x375) NO NO NONONONONO NON ON NON NON NO NO NO NO NO NO ql 1 O Anonymous (ID: WSSTSO) 06/03/20(Wed)06:36 35 No 10450167 10450192 104505S6 10458 a1045AS71 10451993 10451103 e10451232 File 44538-2341 jeg (16 KB, 348x480) O Anonymous (ID: HSWTOW) -106/03/20(Wed)06 48:24 No. 10450197 File: 1588971295848 jng (18 KB, 399x388) 2210450167 WTFFFFFFFFFF Anonymous (ID: wDSYD)II06/03/20(Wedy09.54.03 No. 10450566 2210450167 what the f--- is wrong with you, sick f---

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Anon does some math | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)00:27:49 No.852581489 >be me >Want to invest in Bitcoin >Put in 10 bucks >goes up a bit after an hour >withdraw everything >live off the high thinking about the millions l'd have been raking in if I put in all my life savings 877 KB PNG Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)00:41:38 No.852582654 >>852581489 (OP) >millions l'd have been raking in if I put in all my life savings | Bitcoin doesn't jump by a trillion % in an hour anon
Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)00:27:49 No.852581489 >be me >Want to invest in Bitcoin >Put in 10 bucks >goes up a bit after an hour >withdraw everything >live off the high thinking about the millions l'd have been raking in if I put in all my life savings 877 KB PNG Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)00:41:38 No.852582654 >>852581489 (OP) >millions l'd have been raking in if I put in all my life savings | Bitcoin doesn't jump by a trillion % in an hour anon

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Anon has a “Chad” roommate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)23:32:08 No.852577702 >be me, 20 years old >unifag >have dormmate who's more degenerate than I am >he's 300 pounds, but wants to be a chad 10 KB JPG >buys this shampoo that's supposed to make your hair "sexy" >he uses it in the shower one time and the bathroom smells so overpoweringly like mint that I can't even go to piss in there >he keeps using more of it in the shower until eventually the whole house smells like sickening >literally have to go stay in someone else's dorm because of it WHY
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)23:32:08 No.852577702 >be me, 20 years old >unifag >have dormmate who's more degenerate than I am >he's 300 pounds, but wants to be a chad 10 KB JPG >buys this shampoo that's supposed to make your hair "sexy" >he uses it in the shower one time and the bathroom smells so overpoweringly like mint that I can't even go to piss in there >he keeps using more of it in the shower until eventually the whole house smells like sickening >literally have to go stay in someone else's dorm because of it WHY

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Anon has night terrors | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)18:38:38 No.852594544 >>852594145 # >be me, couple of years ago >go through a phase of getting night terrors a couple years back >l'd feel it starting to happen with this 27 KB JPG tingling in the back of my head & neck >psychfag friend told me a good strategy is to tell the entity (in my head) to go away, be gone etc. >I start telling whatever it is bothering me at night to "f--- off" and imagined vacuuming the ghost >also call it "f-----" when it won't listen >fast forward a couple months, am seeing a new girl, she sleeps over for the first time >next morning she is a little nervous. Ask what's wrong >apparently I bellowed out "why won't you just f--- off you f------ f-----, l'll suck you up" >MFW
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)18:38:38 No.852594544 >>852594145 # >be me, couple of years ago >go through a phase of getting night terrors a couple years back >l'd feel it starting to happen with this 27 KB JPG tingling in the back of my head & neck >psychfag friend told me a good strategy is to tell the entity (in my head) to go away, be gone etc. >I start telling whatever it is bothering me at night to "f--- off" and imagined vacuuming the ghost >also call it "f-----" when it won't listen >fast forward a couple months, am seeing a new girl, she sleeps over for the first time >next morning she is a little nervous. Ask what's wrong >apparently I bellowed out "why won't you just f--- off you f------ f-----, l'll suck you up" >MFW

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Anon has a sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:32:10 No.852512596 >be me >recently scored a gf >get along with her best friend just fine >even got the same interests and music taste 8 KB JPG >we both (me and the friend) have blonde hair and blue eyes >even the facial structure is kinda similar >we constanly joke that we might as well be siblings >her mother walked out on her when she was born for no apparent reason >mfw my father was a serial cheater and probably has few kids on the side >mfw it's entirely possible that she is my actual sister 8 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:32:10 No.852512596 >be me >recently scored a gf >get along with her best friend just fine >even got the same interests and music taste 8 KB JPG >we both (me and the friend) have blonde hair and blue eyes >even the facial structure is kinda similar >we constanly joke that we might as well be siblings >her mother walked out on her when she was born for no apparent reason >mfw my father was a serial cheater and probably has few kids on the side >mfw it's entirely possible that she is my actual sister 8 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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