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Anon eats beans to make the pain go away | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:22 No.63333939 >be me >Retarded ex-druggy >Have covid >Not fat but not healthy >Feellikesnakeshit.wymca >Playing dark souls 2 with friend >Drinking monster zero like the 17 KB JPG boomer I am >l solo beat the last boss Like total chad! >Jump out of sweat covered gammer chair and make retarded victory screech! The world shall witness my autism!! >All of a sudden my left arm fells numb >The room starts to spin and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. >Try to eat beans to make the pain go away. >Does not help >Everything goes blank >Wake up to roommate shoving on my chest... Cpr.exs >Go to hospital >Mfw I gave myself a heart attack at the age of 25. >Mfw I will most likely not live to 60
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:22 No.63333939 >be me >Retarded ex-druggy >Have covid >Not fat but not healthy >Feellikesnakeshit.wymca >Playing dark souls 2 with friend >Drinking monster zero like the 17 KB JPG boomer I am >l solo beat the last boss Like total chad! >Jump out of sweat covered gammer chair and make retarded victory screech! The world shall witness my autism!! >All of a sudden my left arm fells numb >The room starts to spin and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. >Try to eat beans to make the pain go away. >Does not help >Everything goes blank >Wake up to roommate shoving on my chest... Cpr.exs >Go to hospital >Mfw I gave myself a heart attack at the age of 25. >Mfw I will most likely not live to 60

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Anon is ready for the day | /r/Greentext

>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am
>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am

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Anon takes a nap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:37 No.63333941 >gets up for online school >notices that class is pretty easy going so far >starts to fall asleep in my chair >l slowly start to wake up from what feels like 30 minutes of sleep >When I wake up, professor announces that there's a live pop quiz up rn >mfw I wake up at the right f------ time or else I would've gotten a 0% on that pop quiz 340 KB PNG Life is good, also just recently got a letter from my college saying I just got on the honor roll. Stay well today and be productive. Thanks man 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:31:10 No.63333959 Kys no one cares buddy-o pal
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:37 No.63333941 >gets up for online school >notices that class is pretty easy going so far >starts to fall asleep in my chair >l slowly start to wake up from what feels like 30 minutes of sleep >When I wake up, professor announces that there's a live pop quiz up rn >mfw I wake up at the right f------ time or else I would've gotten a 0% on that pop quiz 340 KB PNG Life is good, also just recently got a letter from my college saying I just got on the honor roll. Stay well today and be productive. Thanks man 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:31:10 No.63333959 Kys no one cares buddy-o pal

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poor anon :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/25/18(Sun)01:18:21 No.49471737 >moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair 8 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 11/25/18(Sun)01:18:21 No.49471737 >moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair 8 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon is trans person | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #

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Anon recites a poem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous B 04/21/21(Wed)09:36:35 No.63312532 > Be me, third grade > Teacher makes us memorize poem for black history month >Martin Luther King had a dream yes he did. He dreamed we'd live together having love for one another and his dream is still alive 270 KB PNG through you and me >Teacher makes us recite it one by one in front of a camera >She's gonna splice all the footage together so she can have a different student say each line or some s--- >My turn to recite the poem >Panic attack, not good at public speaking >"Martin Luther King had a Junior" >Entire class laughs at me >Word gets around, whole grade calls me Junior for the rest of the year To this day can't hear MLK's name without remembering that incident. F--- you MLK, you made the end of third grade hell for me.
: Anonymous B 04/21/21(Wed)09:36:35 No.63312532 > Be me, third grade > Teacher makes us memorize poem for black history month >Martin Luther King had a dream yes he did. He dreamed we'd live together having love for one another and his dream is still alive 270 KB PNG through you and me >Teacher makes us recite it one by one in front of a camera >She's gonna splice all the footage together so she can have a different student say each line or some s--- >My turn to recite the poem >Panic attack, not good at public speaking >"Martin Luther King had a Junior" >Entire class laughs at me >Word gets around, whole grade calls me Junior for the rest of the year To this day can't hear MLK's name without remembering that incident. F--- you MLK, you made the end of third grade hell for me.

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An incel in the making | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/18(Fri)22:08:37 No.757422856 > be me > In High School, Sophomore year > New girl in Chemistry seems cute and nice > I introduce myself "Hi, my name is Anon, nice to meet you" 55 KB JPG Her: “hey. My name is Ashley (name changed for privacy)" > Teacher gives us group work for class > Decide to invite her and two of my buddies for a group > F------ Chad friend comes over "Oh, did I mention I'm a model?" > Ashley and Chad friend start talking a lot > She only talked to me once only because she probably felt bad for me What the f---. I just want to find a girlfriend or at the very least a friend that will actually like me. Why does nothing go my way?
: Anonymous 01/19/18(Fri)22:08:37 No.757422856 > be me > In High School, Sophomore year > New girl in Chemistry seems cute and nice > I introduce myself "Hi, my name is Anon, nice to meet you" 55 KB JPG Her: “hey. My name is Ashley (name changed for privacy)" > Teacher gives us group work for class > Decide to invite her and two of my buddies for a group > F------ Chad friend comes over "Oh, did I mention I'm a model?" > Ashley and Chad friend start talking a lot > She only talked to me once only because she probably felt bad for me What the f---. I just want to find a girlfriend or at the very least a friend that will actually like me. Why does nothing go my way?

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Anon is selfish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:15:57 No.63310553 >aunts mother died >for some reason im invited to the funeral even tho ive never seen her >after the funeral we all eat in a restaurant >i am asked to contribute to the 751 KB JPG conversation >l just say "uhm, well, sucks that she didnt die 10 years ago, my cousins would have visited me and my grandparents lot more often" >nobody laughs >not even that one edgy uncle or my cousins >aunt tells me I am no longer welcome here >dad has to drive me home, tells me I am a shame to my family
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:15:57 No.63310553 >aunts mother died >for some reason im invited to the funeral even tho ive never seen her >after the funeral we all eat in a restaurant >i am asked to contribute to the 751 KB JPG conversation >l just say "uhm, well, sucks that she didnt die 10 years ago, my cousins would have visited me and my grandparents lot more often" >nobody laughs >not even that one edgy uncle or my cousins >aunt tells me I am no longer welcome here >dad has to drive me home, tells me I am a shame to my family

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Anon gets reincarnated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:31:56 No.852670626 >be me >get reincarnated >ask the doctor where I am >" nous sommes à Paris, monsieur" >mfw 48 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:31:56 No.852670626 >be me >get reincarnated >ask the doctor where I am >" nous sommes à Paris, monsieur" >mfw 48 KB JPG

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Anon microwaves a burrito | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: 28979B58-0351-4F6B-8552-3(...).png (26 KB, 300x250) Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:03 No.11660956 ► >>11660968 >>11661122 >>11661197 >>11662861 >>11664495 >>11664889 >Microwave burrito instructions say 45-60 seconds per side Technically doesn't a frozen burrito have an infinite amount of sides Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:43 No.11660959 Better get to microwaving then, kid.
[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: 28979B58-0351-4F6B-8552-3(...).png (26 KB, 300x250) Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:03 No.11660956 ► >>11660968 >>11661122 >>11661197 >>11662861 >>11664495 >>11664889 >Microwave burrito instructions say 45-60 seconds per side Technically doesn't a frozen burrito have an infinite amount of sides Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:43 No.11660959 Better get to microwaving then, kid.

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No dick for anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)22:06:48 No.852655185 >be last night >horny >beating meat to gangbang vid >watching this girl suck a bunch of guys off >never sucked a duck before but 16 KB JPG curious >go on Tinder >go to sex preference >f-- mode initiated >19 yo twink matches with me the first few swipes >we exchange pictures of our d---- over snap >ask to suck his d--- >agrees >he's coming over the next day >fast forward to today >tell him l'm still down for our f----- plans >asks if I want to join his cult >wut.mov >"f--- are you talking about a cult for" >"yes join our cult" followed by "why have you ignored my associates" >Exit the chat and I have 7 new matches all with the same message "please we would like you to join our cult" >FUCKNO >block all accounts and report to Tinder police That was a close one. Glad I hadn't given my address. No d---- for me tonight though
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)22:06:48 No.852655185 >be last night >horny >beating meat to gangbang vid >watching this girl suck a bunch of guys off >never sucked a duck before but 16 KB JPG curious >go on Tinder >go to sex preference >f-- mode initiated >19 yo twink matches with me the first few swipes >we exchange pictures of our d---- over snap >ask to suck his d--- >agrees >he's coming over the next day >fast forward to today >tell him l'm still down for our f----- plans >asks if I want to join his cult >wut.mov >"f--- are you talking about a cult for" >"yes join our cult" followed by "why have you ignored my associates" >Exit the chat and I have 7 new matches all with the same message "please we would like you to join our cult" >FUCKNO >block all accounts and report to Tinder police That was a close one. Glad I hadn't given my address. No d---- for me tonight though

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Anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

File: 1568373644855.gif (358 KB, 500x357) U Anonymous 09/14/19(Sat)15:58:03 No.54403284 ► >>54403371 >>54403385 >>54403424 > Live with mom for a year. > She lives in a trashy neighborhood where every single house has a dog that is left outside both day and night. > Every single dog on every house barks at me when I pass by jogging in the afternoons. >I complain to a neighbor about it, he says that if I don't like it then I should start running somewhere else. > idea-dot-jpg > Shift my morning routine to 5 in the morning. > Choose a long route that covers as many houses with dogs as possible. > Run through the neighborhood with every single dog barking fiercely at me at 5 in the morning. > By the time I get home at 05:55 I can still hear every dog in the neighborhood barking and howling at eachother. > Same neighbor complains about it. > I tell him "If you don't like it, you should start waking up at 5 in the morning". > Do this every day. Get f-----, you negligent normies.
File: 1568373644855.gif (358 KB, 500x357) U Anonymous 09/14/19(Sat)15:58:03 No.54403284 ► >>54403371 >>54403385 >>54403424 > Live with mom for a year. > She lives in a trashy neighborhood where every single house has a dog that is left outside both day and night. > Every single dog on every house barks at me when I pass by jogging in the afternoons. >I complain to a neighbor about it, he says that if I don't like it then I should start running somewhere else. > idea-dot-jpg > Shift my morning routine to 5 in the morning. > Choose a long route that covers as many houses with dogs as possible. > Run through the neighborhood with every single dog barking fiercely at me at 5 in the morning. > By the time I get home at 05:55 I can still hear every dog in the neighborhood barking and howling at eachother. > Same neighbor complains about it. > I tell him "If you don't like it, you should start waking up at 5 in the morning". > Do this every day. Get f-----, you negligent normies.

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Anon is a liar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)22:56:22 No.791764886 > be me > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc > get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God I'm not like any of you degenerates > thx guys 3 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)22:56:22 No.791764886 > be me > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc > get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God I'm not like any of you degenerates > thx guys 3 KB JPG

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anon is horny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/03/19(Sun)01:53:32 No.794007140 >not had sex for 3 months >resorted to m----------- whenever there is nothing else >up late one night >youtube got boring so decided to go on pornhub just to watch >nope.jpeg >find video to jerk it to >remember this one thing i read that if you wrap your pillow around your d--- it feels good when you f--- it >f--- my pillow until i need to run nut.exe >mfw i didn't ask my pillow for consent 150 KB PNG >mfw i r---- my pillow what do guys
: Anonymous 03/03/19(Sun)01:53:32 No.794007140 >not had sex for 3 months >resorted to m----------- whenever there is nothing else >up late one night >youtube got boring so decided to go on pornhub just to watch >nope.jpeg >find video to jerk it to >remember this one thing i read that if you wrap your pillow around your d--- it feels good when you f--- it >f--- my pillow until i need to run nut.exe >mfw i didn't ask my pillow for consent 150 KB PNG >mfw i r---- my pillow what do guys

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Furry yiff diaper piss porn | /r/Greentext

>be me >one of the founding-fathers of the internet >working in accordance with the US government; as the arms race with the USSR rages on >create a communications system capable of withstanding nuclear war >after extreme tension, the Soviet Union collapses on live television >fast-forward 30 years later.. >think of how your creation has benefited humanity, and how they use it today >mfw they use it for posting furry yiff diaper piss p---
>be me >one of the founding-fathers of the internet >working in accordance with the US government; as the arms race with the USSR rages on >create a communications system capable of withstanding nuclear war >after extreme tension, the Soviet Union collapses on live television >fast-forward 30 years later.. >think of how your creation has benefited humanity, and how they use it today >mfw they use it for posting furry yiff diaper piss p---

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Anon is doing the deed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)06:31:52 No.852663972 >>852663312 # K >Be me >Вe 14 >Dad Married this 28 year old Petite green eyed brunet >She's pretty cool and tries to be my friend, slowly start to trust her >One day while Dad was at work she gives me a REALLY long hug, me being pretty innocent at the time just enjoys it >Start to feel weird and try to pull away and go play Metalgear 3 Online on PS2 with my friends >She kisses me and drags me into the basement >WellAllrightThen.png >She slips her pants off and bends over the washing machine >Proceed to plow her with all I have Thus started a really f----- up relationship with a manipulative, but sexy as all hell P--- that married my Dad to get at me.
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)06:31:52 No.852663972 >>852663312 # K >Be me >Вe 14 >Dad Married this 28 year old Petite green eyed brunet >She's pretty cool and tries to be my friend, slowly start to trust her >One day while Dad was at work she gives me a REALLY long hug, me being pretty innocent at the time just enjoys it >Start to feel weird and try to pull away and go play Metalgear 3 Online on PS2 with my friends >She kisses me and drags me into the basement >WellAllrightThen.png >She slips her pants off and bends over the washing machine >Proceed to plow her with all I have Thus started a really f----- up relationship with a manipulative, but sexy as all hell P--- that married my Dad to get at me.

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Anon buys cereal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/18(Thu)21:23:37 No.782101531 >Be me >yesterday >bought new cereal >ffw to today >have first bowl of cereal for breakfast 150 KB PNG >go to uni >come back home >cereal box is full of ants >cereal doesn't even have sugar or anything >pour another bowl >it's f------ full of ants >pour milk and eat the ants in a fit of anger f--- you ants 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 10/11/18(Thu)21:23:37 No.782101531 >Be me >yesterday >bought new cereal >ffw to today >have first bowl of cereal for breakfast 150 KB PNG >go to uni >come back home >cereal box is full of ants >cereal doesn't even have sugar or anything >pour another bowl >it's f------ full of ants >pour milk and eat the ants in a fit of anger f--- you ants 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon is empowered | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)19:08:36 No.852620170 >be me 2 years ago >stand in line in local mcdonalds >next to me is 500lbs bluewhale staring at me >stare back >stare into his soul and into his deepest desires of f------ a body pillow >he backs off >feel empowered as f--- >qt3.14 as cashier >she smiles at me - I think its a hint >me still hyped because of bluewhale behind me >pay her >she asks me if I want the receipt >"only if your number is on it" >I realize what I have done >She looks at me the way you look at crack addicts >guy behind me snorts, obviously trying not to laugh >mfw i was about to kill myself this night Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)19:12:50 No.852620425 Well your failure made people laugh two years later so that's pretty good.
O Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)19:08:36 No.852620170 >be me 2 years ago >stand in line in local mcdonalds >next to me is 500lbs bluewhale staring at me >stare back >stare into his soul and into his deepest desires of f------ a body pillow >he backs off >feel empowered as f--- >qt3.14 as cashier >she smiles at me - I think its a hint >me still hyped because of bluewhale behind me >pay her >she asks me if I want the receipt >"only if your number is on it" >I realize what I have done >She looks at me the way you look at crack addicts >guy behind me snorts, obviously trying not to laugh >mfw i was about to kill myself this night Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)19:12:50 No.852620425 Well your failure made people laugh two years later so that's pretty good.

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Anon gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)19:58:29 No.63304089 >be me, 22 >finally trick a girl into loving me >still can't kick the 10 years of p---/4chan addiction >goes through my phone one day and sees all my sick s--- >feet, sissy, BBC, even pictures of 88 KB JPG her irl friends >sees pictures of my old HS oneitis that I photoshopped so her mouth was open with the face app >dumps me and tells everybody >Girls start blocking me on social media F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)20:00:27 No.63304111 >>63304089 (OP) # >F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. No I didn't. I said things would get better for ME if I had girlfriend.
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)19:58:29 No.63304089 >be me, 22 >finally trick a girl into loving me >still can't kick the 10 years of p---/4chan addiction >goes through my phone one day and sees all my sick s--- >feet, sissy, BBC, even pictures of 88 KB JPG her irl friends >sees pictures of my old HS oneitis that I photoshopped so her mouth was open with the face app >dumps me and tells everybody >Girls start blocking me on social media F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)20:00:27 No.63304111 >>63304089 (OP) # >F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. No I didn't. I said things would get better for ME if I had girlfriend.

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Anon gets surrounded | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes because they found a way to reproduce without 83 КВ PNG us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown
Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes because they found a way to reproduce without 83 КВ PNG us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown

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