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anon is bad at first impressions | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: IPha3kZp) 07/27/12(Fri)13:07:54 No.415034363 ITT: Bad first impressions > Went to girlfriend's house > First time meeting parents > Pull into driveway >I know she has a cat and a dog > Remember I have my laser pointer > excellent.png > Think I'm gonna make everyone's day by playing with the animals > All shall lol > Go inside > Hi, Hello, My name is Derp, I'm 19, etc. > Dog on couch > Cat walks into room > Shine laser pointer on floor > Cat leaps for it > Dog leaps for it > Dog attacks cat for whatever the f--- reason > Cat died > Dog has heart attack > Dog died > MFW I killed these people's beloved pets within five minutes of meeting them Anonymous (ID: UxoZV5xK) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:06 No.415034636 File: 1343409006753.jpg-(17 KB, 235x284, 1335247816033.jpg) >mfw Anonymous (ID: tcTk5K3x) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:07 No.415034640 B------- Anonymous (ID: CzjW16lb) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:36 No.415034701 You're pretty much my hero right now.
Anonymous (ID: IPha3kZp) 07/27/12(Fri)13:07:54 No.415034363 ITT: Bad first impressions > Went to girlfriend's house > First time meeting parents > Pull into driveway >I know she has a cat and a dog > Remember I have my laser pointer > excellent.png > Think I'm gonna make everyone's day by playing with the animals > All shall lol > Go inside > Hi, Hello, My name is Derp, I'm 19, etc. > Dog on couch > Cat walks into room > Shine laser pointer on floor > Cat leaps for it > Dog leaps for it > Dog attacks cat for whatever the f--- reason > Cat died > Dog has heart attack > Dog died > MFW I killed these people's beloved pets within five minutes of meeting them Anonymous (ID: UxoZV5xK) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:06 No.415034636 File: 1343409006753.jpg-(17 KB, 235x284, 1335247816033.jpg) >mfw Anonymous (ID: tcTk5K3x) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:07 No.415034640 B------- Anonymous (ID: CzjW16lb) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:36 No.415034701 You're pretty much my hero right now.

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Anon finds a bug | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Who else here beat the system? 01/04/21(Mon)20:48:58 No.61714257 >be me >turn 18 last summer >start getting credit card offers in the mail >get every card I possibly can, Visa, AmEx, all the big ones >get cards for specific gas station 73 KB JPG chains, stores, phone providers, all that >end up with about 15 cards total, max them all out >recent purchases include a PS5 and a new TV >have about $25k in debt across all the cards >don't pay any monthly bills >get late notices, tons of fees added on, debt just grows and grows without me even spending anymore >seems like a big deal accept for one small detail >notice all the cards have an expiration date >just have to wait it out until they expire, then the debt evaporates and it's like it never happened >sorry visa, I was just playing the game you created
: Anonymous Who else here beat the system? 01/04/21(Mon)20:48:58 No.61714257 >be me >turn 18 last summer >start getting credit card offers in the mail >get every card I possibly can, Visa, AmEx, all the big ones >get cards for specific gas station 73 KB JPG chains, stores, phone providers, all that >end up with about 15 cards total, max them all out >recent purchases include a PS5 and a new TV >have about $25k in debt across all the cards >don't pay any monthly bills >get late notices, tons of fees added on, debt just grows and grows without me even spending anymore >seems like a big deal accept for one small detail >notice all the cards have an expiration date >just have to wait it out until they expire, then the debt evaporates and it's like it never happened >sorry visa, I was just playing the game you created

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Anon becomes a redditor | /r/Greentext

>be me >bored of 4chan >go onto reddit >immediately gain 300 pounds of fat >i grow a neck beard within seconds >my hair forms a fedora-like shape >its done >im a redditor now >thanks for the gold kind stranger Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:16:38 No.853017270 File: DioYoung.jpg (89 KB, 702x702) Screen cap me as well.
>be me >bored of 4chan >go onto reddit >immediately gain 300 pounds of fat >i grow a neck beard within seconds >my hair forms a fedora-like shape >its done >im a redditor now >thanks for the gold kind stranger Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:16:38 No.853017270 File: DioYoung.jpg (89 KB, 702x702) Screen cap me as well.

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Anon messes up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)13:18:04 No.63395943 >be me, Meeting with Girl from school >she eventually opens up to me abt her Trauma, talks abt how horrible and hard her life is >Think of something comforting to 70 KB JPG say >quote Marc aurel >"speak not 'oh unlucky me that i had to endure this or that' but instead speak 'oh lucky me that i endured all that but still managed to live on' because all this could Happen to everyone, but not everyone could Manage to not break under it" >she stares at me blankly, starts crying uncontrollably 9 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)14:15:57 No.63396696 Again, it was known forever that women were not logical. And that it was "rational man" who achieved philosophy.
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)13:18:04 No.63395943 >be me, Meeting with Girl from school >she eventually opens up to me abt her Trauma, talks abt how horrible and hard her life is >Think of something comforting to 70 KB JPG say >quote Marc aurel >"speak not 'oh unlucky me that i had to endure this or that' but instead speak 'oh lucky me that i endured all that but still managed to live on' because all this could Happen to everyone, but not everyone could Manage to not break under it" >she stares at me blankly, starts crying uncontrollably 9 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)14:15:57 No.63396696 Again, it was known forever that women were not logical. And that it was "rational man" who achieved philosophy.

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Anon got yelled at | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/19(Thu)13:23:14 No.816571547 please be patient I have autism >be me >amateur MMA fighter >mostly just a hobby, do it to stay in shape etc. >also help train kids at the gym I fight for >teaching 12-13 year old kid how to 77 KB JPG stand and hit pads, simple s--- >kid has high-functioning autism >out of nowhere he looks at me and says "How high does the grass grow in Germany" >Think it's just a weird autist question >"I don't know, probably the same as here" >"About this high" he then proceeds to give a full Nazi salute for 10 seconds >fuckingwotm8 I know you're on this website you little incel, I got yelled at by the gyms owner because he thought I made you do that. F--- you. 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 12/19/19(Thu)13:23:14 No.816571547 please be patient I have autism >be me >amateur MMA fighter >mostly just a hobby, do it to stay in shape etc. >also help train kids at the gym I fight for >teaching 12-13 year old kid how to 77 KB JPG stand and hit pads, simple s--- >kid has high-functioning autism >out of nowhere he looks at me and says "How high does the grass grow in Germany" >Think it's just a weird autist question >"I don't know, probably the same as here" >"About this high" he then proceeds to give a full Nazi salute for 10 seconds >fuckingwotm8 I know you're on this website you little incel, I got yelled at by the gyms owner because he thought I made you do that. F--- you. 2 Replies View Thread

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anon has a insect harem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:52:35 No.853004155 >c-- on floor >ants are flocking to my c-- h-------- 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:54:30 No.853004226 >>853004155 (OP) # Well, spunk is marginally nutritious >>853004284 # : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:55:51 No.853004284 >>853004226 # still, the thought of ants drinking my precious semen made me erect again >>853004351 # : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:57:31 No.853004351 >>853004284 # kek
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:52:35 No.853004155 >c-- on floor >ants are flocking to my c-- h-------- 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:54:30 No.853004226 >>853004155 (OP) # Well, spunk is marginally nutritious >>853004284 # : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:55:51 No.853004284 >>853004226 # still, the thought of ants drinking my precious semen made me erect again >>853004351 # : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)07:57:31 No.853004351 >>853004284 # kek

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Rolling bones | /r/Greentext

File: 109280190212.jpg (110 KB, 512x512) U Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)21:17:54 No.852968957 [Reply] >see post >reply to this post in 30 seconds or your mom will die in her sleep tonight >ignore it >mom is just fine the next day because supernatural internet mom killers dont exist >mfw i tell her good morning
File: 109280190212.jpg (110 KB, 512x512) U Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)21:17:54 No.852968957 [Reply] >see post >reply to this post in 30 seconds or your mom will die in her sleep tonight >ignore it >mom is just fine the next day because supernatural internet mom killers dont exist >mfw i tell her good morning

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Anon likes Black Sabbath | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [O Auto] File: 64559366.04500002_Pain.jpg (495 KB, 1305x1265) O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)10:14:19 No.852995169 >852995211 >>852995308 >be me >talking about music with gf >bring up Black Sabbath cause I love them >say that it was really nice of them to name their second album, Paranoid, after me, cause l'm really paranoid and gf knows it >says "I didn't know they had an album called "Retard" >mfw O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)10:15:25 No.852995211 ► >>852995169 (OP). Lol damn, she's a keeper * O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)10:15:55 No.852995236 ► File: Whatjpg (24 KB, 428x424) Its game over man
[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [O Auto] File: 64559366.04500002_Pain.jpg (495 KB, 1305x1265) O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)10:14:19 No.852995169 >852995211 >>852995308 >be me >talking about music with gf >bring up Black Sabbath cause I love them >say that it was really nice of them to name their second album, Paranoid, after me, cause l'm really paranoid and gf knows it >says "I didn't know they had an album called "Retard" >mfw O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)10:15:25 No.852995211 ► >>852995169 (OP). Lol damn, she's a keeper * O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)10:15:55 No.852995236 ► File: Whatjpg (24 KB, 428x424) Its game over man

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Anon goes to sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)17:37:05 No.63394899 >alarm set for 2 hours and 11 minutes from now CC 324 КВ PNG
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)17:37:05 No.63394899 >alarm set for 2 hours and 11 minutes from now CC 324 КВ PNG

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Anon pitches a new game show | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)20:00:58 No.853026519 >New idea for a gameshow "Who's the Catfish?" >Guy has to spend several days chatting to three different "women" online >Two of them are men 140 KB JPG >Contestant has to get to know all three over the course of a few days and at the end has to decide which one he wants to meet >After he chooses he is sent to a location to meet his pick >lf he picks the girl he gets to go on a date with her >lf he picks a guy he has to suck his d--- >"Haha wrong guess, f-----! Now you have to suck my d---!" Would you watch this?
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)20:00:58 No.853026519 >New idea for a gameshow "Who's the Catfish?" >Guy has to spend several days chatting to three different "women" online >Two of them are men 140 KB JPG >Contestant has to get to know all three over the course of a few days and at the end has to decide which one he wants to meet >After he chooses he is sent to a location to meet his pick >lf he picks the girl he gets to go on a date with her >lf he picks a guy he has to suck his d--- >"Haha wrong guess, f-----! Now you have to suck my d---!" Would you watch this?

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Anon flirts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)19:02:55 No.852797454 Dumb teen s---? >few years ago maybe 16-17 >bowling with some cousins >see a husky girl with a highschool wrestling sweatshirt >6/10, want to say something but 246 KB JPG retarded >as we leave go up and ask "is that your sweatshirt?" >black dude sitting nearby snorts >kinda laughs and says no it's her boyfriends > say "oh okay" and leave >remember it a day ago >mfw I realize I roasted her ass
: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)19:02:55 No.852797454 Dumb teen s---? >few years ago maybe 16-17 >bowling with some cousins >see a husky girl with a highschool wrestling sweatshirt >6/10, want to say something but 246 KB JPG retarded >as we leave go up and ask "is that your sweatshirt?" >black dude sitting nearby snorts >kinda laughs and says no it's her boyfriends > say "oh okay" and leave >remember it a day ago >mfw I realize I roasted her ass

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Anon keeps grinding | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends
: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends

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Anon witnesses the Yakuza | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0

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anon has no true gender | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)02:13:34 No.802999512 >im a girl >go to an all girl catholic school >meet this nice girl >she tells me to go to the bathroom with her >okay > mfw shes making out with me in the bathrooms 80 KB JPG >wait >does this make me gay : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)02:15:07 No.802999638 >>802999512 (OP)# >im a girl 50 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)02:13:34 No.802999512 >im a girl >go to an all girl catholic school >meet this nice girl >she tells me to go to the bathroom with her >okay > mfw shes making out with me in the bathrooms 80 KB JPG >wait >does this make me gay : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)02:15:07 No.802999638 >>802999512 (OP)# >im a girl 50 KB JPG

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Anon is enlightened | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)10:04:10 No.7512136 >be me >on airplane >3 muslims are sitting in the back >two of them get up and start walking to the front >as one passes me, he 120 KB JPG says "soon we will all see allah." >he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran >he ended up converting 12 people to islam thank you allah
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)10:04:10 No.7512136 >be me >on airplane >3 muslims are sitting in the back >two of them get up and start walking to the front >as one passes me, he 120 KB JPG says "soon we will all see allah." >he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran >he ended up converting 12 people to islam thank you allah

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Anon makes a discovery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I iscovered aliens anons 04/26/21(Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist
: Anonymous I iscovered aliens anons 04/26/21(Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist

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anon gets back to life | /r/Greentext


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Anon forgets to mute | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:38:35 No.63391703 >be me, a college student >join an online class >Professor is late, better watch some YT >LudwigAhgren.mp4 >professor shows up. >whylWasLateAndHowlFixedlt.mp3 >refluxingly say "well done, and?" sarcastically. >Professor answers "thanks dude" sarcastically. >panic.jpeg >panic.mp4 >check my phone, didn't mute >check notifications >30 messages telling me to mute. >Endme.png O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:39:49 No.63391710 File: 5f0.png (266 KB, 521x937) >>63391703 (OP) Chad af op O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:43:10 No.63391737 File: 834.png (191 KB, 680x760) >>63391703 (OP) >Well done, and?
Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:38:35 No.63391703 >be me, a college student >join an online class >Professor is late, better watch some YT >LudwigAhgren.mp4 >professor shows up. >whylWasLateAndHowlFixedlt.mp3 >refluxingly say "well done, and?" sarcastically. >Professor answers "thanks dude" sarcastically. >panic.jpeg >panic.mp4 >check my phone, didn't mute >check notifications >30 messages telling me to mute. >Endme.png O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:39:49 No.63391710 File: 5f0.png (266 KB, 521x937) >>63391703 (OP) Chad af op O Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:43:10 No.63391737 File: 834.png (191 KB, 680x760) >>63391703 (OP) >Well done, and?

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Anon goes out | /r/Greentext

Anyone here just goes out at night and fights people? My life was boring as f--- and I was depressed so I started going out and just fighting people I started putting on a ski mask and at first it was only homeless people then it evolved to highschool kids and now I'm picking fights with grown men 137 KB JPG I even have a nemesis >beat up the same guy a couple of times >find out where he works >catch him off guard after he gets off work >he's been posting on Facebook about catching me at night and giving me what I deserve >dude drives around at night with a shotgun trying to kill me basically My life is soo much more excited now am I f------ crazy for doing this ?
Anyone here just goes out at night and fights people? My life was boring as f--- and I was depressed so I started going out and just fighting people I started putting on a ski mask and at first it was only homeless people then it evolved to highschool kids and now I'm picking fights with grown men 137 KB JPG I even have a nemesis >beat up the same guy a couple of times >find out where he works >catch him off guard after he gets off work >he's been posting on Facebook about catching me at night and giving me what I deserve >dude drives around at night with a shotgun trying to kill me basically My life is soo much more excited now am I f------ crazy for doing this ?

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anon walks | /r/Greentext

O Marcissus IN9EDLMFSKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.8767351 File 1313080993 png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554 png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS contact >they notice me crossing >they giggle > f--- this ill just pretend i live at this house >go down random driveway >curtains shuffle >middle aged woman stars at me out the window >turm around fast >3 girls stood staring at me >this is their house >rapidly think of plan B >'have you accepted jesus as your lord and saviour?
O Marcissus IN9EDLMFSKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.8767351 File 1313080993 png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554 png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS contact >they notice me crossing >they giggle > f--- this ill just pretend i live at this house >go down random driveway >curtains shuffle >middle aged woman stars at me out the window >turm around fast >3 girls stood staring at me >this is their house >rapidly think of plan B >'have you accepted jesus as your lord and saviour?

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