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Gotta catch all the anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/26/19(Wed)21:22:09 No.8032395 >be me, a Pokémon > live in forest with wife and child >go out to pick berries to feed my family >get f------ assulted and knocked out feelsbadman.jpeg >wake up in dark, red and white ball >h-------- it's cramped in here 412 KB JPG >sit in there for hours >get teleported out through a fookin lazah >yet again, get assaulted, and knocked out Whattheactualfuck.gif >back in the dark ball >for all I know, I could be in some guys testi >haven't seen my family in a long time... Please god help me I'm losing hope...
: Anonymous 06/26/19(Wed)21:22:09 No.8032395 >be me, a Pokémon > live in forest with wife and child >go out to pick berries to feed my family >get f------ assulted and knocked out feelsbadman.jpeg >wake up in dark, red and white ball >h-------- it's cramped in here 412 KB JPG >sit in there for hours >get teleported out through a fookin lazah >yet again, get assaulted, and knocked out Whattheactualfuck.gif >back in the dark ball >for all I know, I could be in some guys testi >haven't seen my family in a long time... Please god help me I'm losing hope...

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anon doesn't waste time with nerds | /r/Greentext

5m (4/28 22:02) · 853190466 1 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 138KB · (1080 × 635) >Women are weak >Women are short >Women aren't good at sports >therefore, women are nerds I don't waste time with nerds.
5m (4/28 22:02) · 853190466 1 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 138KB · (1080 × 635) >Women are weak >Women are short >Women aren't good at sports >therefore, women are nerds I don't waste time with nerds.

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Anon does drugs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: /hVWFQkk A 04/29/21(Thu)02:46:20 No.319082124 ► >>319082979 >>319083856 >>319086120 >>319086997 >>319088453 >>319088459 >>319088815 >>319088927 >>319089023 >>319089024 >>319089101 >>319089237 >>319089273 >>319089365 >>319089368 >>319089489 >>319089561 >>319089616 >>319091005 >>319092630 >>319092709 >>319093013 >>319093090 >>319093347 >>319093942 >>319093949 >>319094056 >>319094114 File: main-qimg-e1c9836b09920df(...).jpg (234 KB, 602x916) >>319081867 (OP)# >be me 60 >late at night, parents sleeping >decide to take mushrooms for the first time 511 >for a while, everything goes ok >start imagining there are a ton of bugs in my room >freak out >they follow me everywhere I go >decide to go outside since that's where bugs belong >they follow me there too which is what I wanted >l start rolling around outside in the grass >feels good man >sit up against the fence and stare at the stars >im so f------ out of it >suddenly i hear someone talking to me >not sure where it's coming from >voice keeps telling me to respond >i don't because I'm scared >it says if I don't respond it's going to kill my parents >i freak out more >turn around >it's the f------ fence post >it keeps talking to me >"respond to this post or your mother dies in her sleep tonight"
Anonymous (ID: /hVWFQkk A 04/29/21(Thu)02:46:20 No.319082124 ► >>319082979 >>319083856 >>319086120 >>319086997 >>319088453 >>319088459 >>319088815 >>319088927 >>319089023 >>319089024 >>319089101 >>319089237 >>319089273 >>319089365 >>319089368 >>319089489 >>319089561 >>319089616 >>319091005 >>319092630 >>319092709 >>319093013 >>319093090 >>319093347 >>319093942 >>319093949 >>319094056 >>319094114 File: main-qimg-e1c9836b09920df(...).jpg (234 KB, 602x916) >>319081867 (OP)# >be me 60 >late at night, parents sleeping >decide to take mushrooms for the first time 511 >for a while, everything goes ok >start imagining there are a ton of bugs in my room >freak out >they follow me everywhere I go >decide to go outside since that's where bugs belong >they follow me there too which is what I wanted >l start rolling around outside in the grass >feels good man >sit up against the fence and stare at the stars >im so f------ out of it >suddenly i hear someone talking to me >not sure where it's coming from >voice keeps telling me to respond >i don't because I'm scared >it says if I don't respond it's going to kill my parents >i freak out more >turn around >it's the f------ fence post >it keeps talking to me >"respond to this post or your mother dies in her sleep tonight"

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anon is american | /r/Greentext

File: 98135d869510d000544fbe481(...).jpg (16 KB, 320x320) O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)18:43:41 No.63425827 ► >Be American >Wake up to loud noise >Sit up in bed as several .223 bullets blast through my torso >Walk it off, have coffee and drive 7 hours to work >10 miles away but stand still traffic >Get shot again at work by disgruntled ex coworker >Stop by hospital on way home to have bullets removed >Hospital bill is $80,000 + 15% tip mfw
File: 98135d869510d000544fbe481(...).jpg (16 KB, 320x320) O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)18:43:41 No.63425827 ► >Be American >Wake up to loud noise >Sit up in bed as several .223 bullets blast through my torso >Walk it off, have coffee and drive 7 hours to work >10 miles away but stand still traffic >Get shot again at work by disgruntled ex coworker >Stop by hospital on way home to have bullets removed >Hospital bill is $80,000 + 15% tip mfw

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Annon sees a cockroach | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The s------- episode 02/15/19(Fri)09:01:33 No.50985132 >Taking a s--- >A huge cockroach comes out of a little hole in the wall facing me >It just stands there, then turns sideways and twitches its antenna everywhere >Motionlessly stare at it >lt stops all motion too 104 KB JPG >Drop a s--- in the toilet >It drops a s--- at pretty much the same time >Then it turns around and nonchalantly walks back into the hole I don't know of any words to accurately describe how this scenario made me feel. 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous The s------- episode 02/15/19(Fri)09:01:33 No.50985132 >Taking a s--- >A huge cockroach comes out of a little hole in the wall facing me >It just stands there, then turns sideways and twitches its antenna everywhere >Motionlessly stare at it >lt stops all motion too 104 KB JPG >Drop a s--- in the toilet >It drops a s--- at pretty much the same time >Then it turns around and nonchalantly walks back into the hole I don't know of any words to accurately describe how this scenario made me feel. 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon hates fat people | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:58:59 No.63390539 423.png 398 KB PNG >Saw a fat child in public >Muttered child abuse under my breath loud enough for the mother to hear it. >Walk away like nothing happened.
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:58:59 No.63390539 423.png 398 KB PNG >Saw a fat child in public >Muttered child abuse under my breath loud enough for the mother to hear it. >Walk away like nothing happened.

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NSA is Listening | /r/Greentext

File: glowie.jpg (175 KB, 1000x1000) O Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)03:40:51 FB) No.81111393 >>81111439 >>81112750 >>81114509 >>81114518 >>81116577 >>81116595 >>81116916 >>81116936 >>81117016 >>81118205 >>81118280 >>81118879 >>81123302 > very reasonably explain to roommate that we have to take all the microphones out of our house > must remove them from our phones and llaptops > just use a detachable one, can even just leave phone in microwave when not using it > roommate (female) gets really concerned and asks me if im taking my meds (im not) why are normies like this? Do you really want the glowies listening to everything you say?
File: glowie.jpg (175 KB, 1000x1000) O Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)03:40:51 FB) No.81111393 >>81111439 >>81112750 >>81114509 >>81114518 >>81116577 >>81116595 >>81116916 >>81116936 >>81117016 >>81118205 >>81118280 >>81118879 >>81123302 > very reasonably explain to roommate that we have to take all the microphones out of our house > must remove them from our phones and llaptops > just use a detachable one, can even just leave phone in microwave when not using it > roommate (female) gets really concerned and asks me if im taking my meds (im not) why are normies like this? Do you really want the glowies listening to everything you say?

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Nothing to lose | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)15:20:48 No.853184775 File: 1611427684701.jpg (57 KB, 275x275) >>853183576 >be me in college >public speaking class >have idea >tell prof on 1st day I stutter sometimes >it's ok anon we'll get through it >really lay it on >3 minutes per paragraph in front of 40 peers >next week do a little better >can still see pain in the faces of kids when I stammer for 10 seconds on a word >prof encourages me every time >she even kicked a kid out of class for saying "come on" under his breath >improving every class >almost no stuttering now >final speech give a perfect oration for me, didn't have to fake stutter at all >get an A mfw never stuttered in my life
O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)15:20:48 No.853184775 File: 1611427684701.jpg (57 KB, 275x275) >>853183576 >be me in college >public speaking class >have idea >tell prof on 1st day I stutter sometimes >it's ok anon we'll get through it >really lay it on >3 minutes per paragraph in front of 40 peers >next week do a little better >can still see pain in the faces of kids when I stammer for 10 seconds on a word >prof encourages me every time >she even kicked a kid out of class for saying "come on" under his breath >improving every class >almost no stuttering now >final speech give a perfect oration for me, didn't have to fake stutter at all >get an A mfw never stuttered in my life

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Anon's aliens are retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)01:04:02 No.28346060 >fly 5000 light years through the unfathomable vastness of space >f--- about with some wheat in a field in Wiltshire and then piss off home again are we sure these guys are a higher intelligence? 24 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)04:08:12 No.28347589 >>28346380 # >take human DNA >build super plague >kill everyone in 6 months Your aliens are surprisingly retarded >>28347600 #
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)01:04:02 No.28346060 >fly 5000 light years through the unfathomable vastness of space >f--- about with some wheat in a field in Wiltshire and then piss off home again are we sure these guys are a higher intelligence? 24 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)04:08:12 No.28347589 >>28346380 # >take human DNA >build super plague >kill everyone in 6 months Your aliens are surprisingly retarded >>28347600 #

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Anon's gonna get his uncle in trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:53:02 No.63419805 > be me > life sucks > want to end it but poor and weak > family and friends are aware of my issues but don't know about the suicidal thoughts > uncle comes around on my 11 KB JPG birthday > "Got a huntin' shotgun with your name on it, Anon. Just get a safe and we can sort out the paperwork together." > mfw the barrel looks really tasty Could this be it? Could this be the sweet release I've been looking for? : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:54:09 No.63419816 >>63419805 (OP) # God is giving you a gift, OP. He understands your suffering and has given you an option. The choice is up to you now...
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:53:02 No.63419805 > be me > life sucks > want to end it but poor and weak > family and friends are aware of my issues but don't know about the suicidal thoughts > uncle comes around on my 11 KB JPG birthday > "Got a huntin' shotgun with your name on it, Anon. Just get a safe and we can sort out the paperwork together." > mfw the barrel looks really tasty Could this be it? Could this be the sweet release I've been looking for? : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:54:09 No.63419816 >>63419805 (OP) # God is giving you a gift, OP. He understands your suffering and has given you an option. The choice is up to you now...

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Anon doesn't like bitcoin | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/26/10(Sat)18:01:14 No.1 >Bitcoin Market >220 Coins =1 USD >Can take days to get single coin F--- that s---.
Anonymous 06/26/10(Sat)18:01:14 No.1 >Bitcoin Market >220 Coins =1 USD >Can take days to get single coin F--- that s---.

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Autist anon spits facts | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)12:30:53 No.853159096 >be me >In class, china lecture >sixth grade >teacher shows picture of a chinese dude >me, very autistic kid, says "ching chong" >no one laughs >mfw
O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)12:30:53 No.853159096 >be me >In class, china lecture >sixth grade >teacher shows picture of a chinese dude >me, very autistic kid, says "ching chong" >no one laughs >mfw

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Anon is a boomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with ORISTAL 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >l can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.
: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with ORISTAL 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >l can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.

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Anon has a family now | /r/Greentext

Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend l'm a father of 3 to my coworkers 28 KB PNG >Made a photoshopped picture in a frame of me and my "family" and put in my office
Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend l'm a father of 3 to my coworkers 28 KB PNG >Made a photoshopped picture in a frame of me and my "family" and put in my office

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Anon tricks Chris Hanson | /r/Greentext

>>63421843 (OP)# Lol I used to fantasize about trying to find a way to trick Chris Hanson, but the problem is I would probably groom hundreds of real little girls until I found him, it'd be 9 KB JPG lack looking for a needle in a haystack. Anyway here's how I'd go about it. >Groom the girl with a laptop and with public wi-fi so it can't be traced back to me. Make sure it's a location with no camera. >Don't give away any personal info in the chat >Make sure to get info early on where she "lives", don't need the exact address, just a town is enough >Get a job as a pizza delivery driver near where she lives >Start setting up a date to meet her >Tell her l'll be there at X hour, X being just before my work shift ends >On the day of meeting, go to work normally >On my before-last round of delivery, stop at a public phone, call my work place using a fake voice and order pizza, give the address of the girl >Get back from my round, boss sends me to deliver the pizza to the girl's place >Go to address >lf it's a real little girl, get the f--- out and eat my pizza >lf it's Chris, sit down with him and offer him pizza.
>>63421843 (OP)# Lol I used to fantasize about trying to find a way to trick Chris Hanson, but the problem is I would probably groom hundreds of real little girls until I found him, it'd be 9 KB JPG lack looking for a needle in a haystack. Anyway here's how I'd go about it. >Groom the girl with a laptop and with public wi-fi so it can't be traced back to me. Make sure it's a location with no camera. >Don't give away any personal info in the chat >Make sure to get info early on where she "lives", don't need the exact address, just a town is enough >Get a job as a pizza delivery driver near where she lives >Start setting up a date to meet her >Tell her l'll be there at X hour, X being just before my work shift ends >On the day of meeting, go to work normally >On my before-last round of delivery, stop at a public phone, call my work place using a fake voice and order pizza, give the address of the girl >Get back from my round, boss sends me to deliver the pizza to the girl's place >Go to address >lf it's a real little girl, get the f--- out and eat my pizza >lf it's Chris, sit down with him and offer him pizza.

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Anon is beta | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)21:26:27 No.853160931 okay i haven't use this site in many months and id like to tell a greentext even if nobody reads it >be me, 7 years ago >16 year old beta who thought he was a chad, a bit taller than average, over 23 КВ ЈPG grown hair >never had a girlfriend or friends, never even talked to someone in school >would watch a s--- ton of anime >watch hyouka (good stuff) >wants to imitate the main character spin the pen >google how to pen spin like him >learn loads of pen spins over the duration of summer >school starts, sit in the corner, do nothing but spin >betas watch me from afar >lunch break starts, betas come gather around my seat >they wanna watch and learn how to spin >teach them >they invite me out after school >cry and open upto them the coming weeks >realise i was the beta >make friends >23 now with a girlfriend, a job and hobbies >still an avid spinner >mfw an anime character and a f------ pen was the reason of my maturity you can do it fellow anons, i believe in you
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)21:26:27 No.853160931 okay i haven't use this site in many months and id like to tell a greentext even if nobody reads it >be me, 7 years ago >16 year old beta who thought he was a chad, a bit taller than average, over 23 КВ ЈPG grown hair >never had a girlfriend or friends, never even talked to someone in school >would watch a s--- ton of anime >watch hyouka (good stuff) >wants to imitate the main character spin the pen >google how to pen spin like him >learn loads of pen spins over the duration of summer >school starts, sit in the corner, do nothing but spin >betas watch me from afar >lunch break starts, betas come gather around my seat >they wanna watch and learn how to spin >teach them >they invite me out after school >cry and open upto them the coming weeks >realise i was the beta >make friends >23 now with a girlfriend, a job and hobbies >still an avid spinner >mfw an anime character and a f------ pen was the reason of my maturity you can do it fellow anons, i believe in you

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Anon craves Brazilian gf | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)20:15:10 No.143913641 File: 1612043011070.jpg (38 KB, 640x480) >still living in this wet cold s------- >still no Brazilian gf that will beat me up daily Not fair.
O Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)20:15:10 No.143913641 File: 1612043011070.jpg (38 KB, 640x480) >still living in this wet cold s------- >still no Brazilian gf that will beat me up daily Not fair.

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Anon doesn't have tattoo | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/23/20(Mon)21:31:31 No.1346015 >foreign guy at work walks up to me and points at my arms and says "tattoo?" >l say "what?" >"tattoo?" >"uh, no. I don't have any." >"very nice. very good. me neither" >walks away 36 KB JPG
Anonymous 11/23/20(Mon)21:31:31 No.1346015 >foreign guy at work walks up to me and points at my arms and says "tattoo?" >l say "what?" >"tattoo?" >"uh, no. I don't have any." >"very nice. very good. me neither" >walks away 36 KB JPG

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Anon encounters a not normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/06/16(Sun)15:36:19 No.710790240 Sorry for s------ English I'm Germany but today encountered I on AUtismus the Street Autism Person >am me >walk happy down Street because I've new Headphoneset >then see I very very weirdo Person 131 KB JPG that runs and the Hands is flapping >Say him "Hello there, not normal!" >And he gived me instant Sorrow that I did that >follow me fast with much cry of "ÖÖÖNNNGHÜOÜÜÜHNN" though entire Street >he is fast and gives not f--- about car in Street that him is moving very fast >he becomes hit by Car >l run like Devil out of Scene
: Anonymous 11/06/16(Sun)15:36:19 No.710790240 Sorry for s------ English I'm Germany but today encountered I on AUtismus the Street Autism Person >am me >walk happy down Street because I've new Headphoneset >then see I very very weirdo Person 131 KB JPG that runs and the Hands is flapping >Say him "Hello there, not normal!" >And he gived me instant Sorrow that I did that >follow me fast with much cry of "ÖÖÖNNNGHÜOÜÜÜHNN" though entire Street >he is fast and gives not f--- about car in Street that him is moving very fast >he becomes hit by Car >l run like Devil out of Scene

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Anon reads greek mythology | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)09:10:37 No.18127745 >be Tiresias >see two snakes f------ >cut that s--- out, assholes >whack them with your stick >this apparently pisses Hera off >she turns you into a woman as punishment 578 KB PNG >become one of Hera's priestesses, have at least one child >seven years later >see two more snakes f------ >not this time assholes >leave the snakes alone >curse broken, you get turned back into a man >later >Zeus and Hera come to you because they're arguing >disagree about whether the man or the woman feels more pleasure during sex >Zeus says women, Hera says men >ask you because you've been both >say women, prove Zeus right >Hera chimps out hard >strikes you blind >Zeus feels bad for you and gives you the the gift of prophecy out of pity >later foretell when Oedipus' life gets completely f-----, even though no one believes you >when you die Odysseus goes to the underworld specifically to summon your ghost Greek mythology is the wildest f------ s---.
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)09:10:37 No.18127745 >be Tiresias >see two snakes f------ >cut that s--- out, assholes >whack them with your stick >this apparently pisses Hera off >she turns you into a woman as punishment 578 KB PNG >become one of Hera's priestesses, have at least one child >seven years later >see two more snakes f------ >not this time assholes >leave the snakes alone >curse broken, you get turned back into a man >later >Zeus and Hera come to you because they're arguing >disagree about whether the man or the woman feels more pleasure during sex >Zeus says women, Hera says men >ask you because you've been both >say women, prove Zeus right >Hera chimps out hard >strikes you blind >Zeus feels bad for you and gives you the the gift of prophecy out of pity >later foretell when Oedipus' life gets completely f-----, even though no one believes you >when you die Odysseus goes to the underworld specifically to summon your ghost Greek mythology is the wildest f------ s---.

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