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Anon's aliens are retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)01:04:02 No.28346060 >fly 5000 light years through the unfathomable vastness of space >f--- about with some wheat in a field in Wiltshire and then piss off home again are we sure these guys are a higher intelligence? 24 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)04:08:12 No.28347589 >>28346380 # >take human DNA >build super plague >kill everyone in 6 months Your aliens are surprisingly retarded >>28347600 #
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)01:04:02 No.28346060 >fly 5000 light years through the unfathomable vastness of space >f--- about with some wheat in a field in Wiltshire and then piss off home again are we sure these guys are a higher intelligence? 24 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)04:08:12 No.28347589 >>28346380 # >take human DNA >build super plague >kill everyone in 6 months Your aliens are surprisingly retarded >>28347600 #

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Anon's gonna get his uncle in trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:53:02 No.63419805 > be me > life sucks > want to end it but poor and weak > family and friends are aware of my issues but don't know about the suicidal thoughts > uncle comes around on my 11 KB JPG birthday > "Got a huntin' shotgun with your name on it, Anon. Just get a safe and we can sort out the paperwork together." > mfw the barrel looks really tasty Could this be it? Could this be the sweet release I've been looking for? : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:54:09 No.63419816 >>63419805 (OP) # God is giving you a gift, OP. He understands your suffering and has given you an option. The choice is up to you now...
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:53:02 No.63419805 > be me > life sucks > want to end it but poor and weak > family and friends are aware of my issues but don't know about the suicidal thoughts > uncle comes around on my 11 KB JPG birthday > "Got a huntin' shotgun with your name on it, Anon. Just get a safe and we can sort out the paperwork together." > mfw the barrel looks really tasty Could this be it? Could this be the sweet release I've been looking for? : Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)10:54:09 No.63419816 >>63419805 (OP) # God is giving you a gift, OP. He understands your suffering and has given you an option. The choice is up to you now...

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Anon doesn't like bitcoin | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/26/10(Sat)18:01:14 No.1 >Bitcoin Market >220 Coins =1 USD >Can take days to get single coin F--- that s---.
Anonymous 06/26/10(Sat)18:01:14 No.1 >Bitcoin Market >220 Coins =1 USD >Can take days to get single coin F--- that s---.

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Autist anon spits facts | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)12:30:53 No.853159096 >be me >In class, china lecture >sixth grade >teacher shows picture of a chinese dude >me, very autistic kid, says "ching chong" >no one laughs >mfw
O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)12:30:53 No.853159096 >be me >In class, china lecture >sixth grade >teacher shows picture of a chinese dude >me, very autistic kid, says "ching chong" >no one laughs >mfw

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Anon is a boomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with ORISTAL 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >l can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.
: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with ORISTAL 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >l can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.

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Anon has a family now | /r/Greentext

Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend l'm a father of 3 to my coworkers 28 KB PNG >Made a photoshopped picture in a frame of me and my "family" and put in my office
Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend l'm a father of 3 to my coworkers 28 KB PNG >Made a photoshopped picture in a frame of me and my "family" and put in my office

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Anon tricks Chris Hanson | /r/Greentext

>>63421843 (OP)# Lol I used to fantasize about trying to find a way to trick Chris Hanson, but the problem is I would probably groom hundreds of real little girls until I found him, it'd be 9 KB JPG lack looking for a needle in a haystack. Anyway here's how I'd go about it. >Groom the girl with a laptop and with public wi-fi so it can't be traced back to me. Make sure it's a location with no camera. >Don't give away any personal info in the chat >Make sure to get info early on where she "lives", don't need the exact address, just a town is enough >Get a job as a pizza delivery driver near where she lives >Start setting up a date to meet her >Tell her l'll be there at X hour, X being just before my work shift ends >On the day of meeting, go to work normally >On my before-last round of delivery, stop at a public phone, call my work place using a fake voice and order pizza, give the address of the girl >Get back from my round, boss sends me to deliver the pizza to the girl's place >Go to address >lf it's a real little girl, get the f--- out and eat my pizza >lf it's Chris, sit down with him and offer him pizza.
>>63421843 (OP)# Lol I used to fantasize about trying to find a way to trick Chris Hanson, but the problem is I would probably groom hundreds of real little girls until I found him, it'd be 9 KB JPG lack looking for a needle in a haystack. Anyway here's how I'd go about it. >Groom the girl with a laptop and with public wi-fi so it can't be traced back to me. Make sure it's a location with no camera. >Don't give away any personal info in the chat >Make sure to get info early on where she "lives", don't need the exact address, just a town is enough >Get a job as a pizza delivery driver near where she lives >Start setting up a date to meet her >Tell her l'll be there at X hour, X being just before my work shift ends >On the day of meeting, go to work normally >On my before-last round of delivery, stop at a public phone, call my work place using a fake voice and order pizza, give the address of the girl >Get back from my round, boss sends me to deliver the pizza to the girl's place >Go to address >lf it's a real little girl, get the f--- out and eat my pizza >lf it's Chris, sit down with him and offer him pizza.

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Anon is beta | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)21:26:27 No.853160931 okay i haven't use this site in many months and id like to tell a greentext even if nobody reads it >be me, 7 years ago >16 year old beta who thought he was a chad, a bit taller than average, over 23 КВ ЈPG grown hair >never had a girlfriend or friends, never even talked to someone in school >would watch a s--- ton of anime >watch hyouka (good stuff) >wants to imitate the main character spin the pen >google how to pen spin like him >learn loads of pen spins over the duration of summer >school starts, sit in the corner, do nothing but spin >betas watch me from afar >lunch break starts, betas come gather around my seat >they wanna watch and learn how to spin >teach them >they invite me out after school >cry and open upto them the coming weeks >realise i was the beta >make friends >23 now with a girlfriend, a job and hobbies >still an avid spinner >mfw an anime character and a f------ pen was the reason of my maturity you can do it fellow anons, i believe in you
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)21:26:27 No.853160931 okay i haven't use this site in many months and id like to tell a greentext even if nobody reads it >be me, 7 years ago >16 year old beta who thought he was a chad, a bit taller than average, over 23 КВ ЈPG grown hair >never had a girlfriend or friends, never even talked to someone in school >would watch a s--- ton of anime >watch hyouka (good stuff) >wants to imitate the main character spin the pen >google how to pen spin like him >learn loads of pen spins over the duration of summer >school starts, sit in the corner, do nothing but spin >betas watch me from afar >lunch break starts, betas come gather around my seat >they wanna watch and learn how to spin >teach them >they invite me out after school >cry and open upto them the coming weeks >realise i was the beta >make friends >23 now with a girlfriend, a job and hobbies >still an avid spinner >mfw an anime character and a f------ pen was the reason of my maturity you can do it fellow anons, i believe in you

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Anon craves Brazilian gf | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)20:15:10 No.143913641 File: 1612043011070.jpg (38 KB, 640x480) >still living in this wet cold s------- >still no Brazilian gf that will beat me up daily Not fair.
O Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)20:15:10 No.143913641 File: 1612043011070.jpg (38 KB, 640x480) >still living in this wet cold s------- >still no Brazilian gf that will beat me up daily Not fair.

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Anon doesn't have tattoo | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/23/20(Mon)21:31:31 No.1346015 >foreign guy at work walks up to me and points at my arms and says "tattoo?" >l say "what?" >"tattoo?" >"uh, no. I don't have any." >"very nice. very good. me neither" >walks away 36 KB JPG
Anonymous 11/23/20(Mon)21:31:31 No.1346015 >foreign guy at work walks up to me and points at my arms and says "tattoo?" >l say "what?" >"tattoo?" >"uh, no. I don't have any." >"very nice. very good. me neither" >walks away 36 KB JPG

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Anon encounters a not normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/06/16(Sun)15:36:19 No.710790240 Sorry for s------ English I'm Germany but today encountered I on AUtismus the Street Autism Person >am me >walk happy down Street because I've new Headphoneset >then see I very very weirdo Person 131 KB JPG that runs and the Hands is flapping >Say him "Hello there, not normal!" >And he gived me instant Sorrow that I did that >follow me fast with much cry of "ÖÖÖNNNGHÜOÜÜÜHNN" though entire Street >he is fast and gives not f--- about car in Street that him is moving very fast >he becomes hit by Car >l run like Devil out of Scene
: Anonymous 11/06/16(Sun)15:36:19 No.710790240 Sorry for s------ English I'm Germany but today encountered I on AUtismus the Street Autism Person >am me >walk happy down Street because I've new Headphoneset >then see I very very weirdo Person 131 KB JPG that runs and the Hands is flapping >Say him "Hello there, not normal!" >And he gived me instant Sorrow that I did that >follow me fast with much cry of "ÖÖÖNNNGHÜOÜÜÜHNN" though entire Street >he is fast and gives not f--- about car in Street that him is moving very fast >he becomes hit by Car >l run like Devil out of Scene

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Anon reads greek mythology | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)09:10:37 No.18127745 >be Tiresias >see two snakes f------ >cut that s--- out, assholes >whack them with your stick >this apparently pisses Hera off >she turns you into a woman as punishment 578 KB PNG >become one of Hera's priestesses, have at least one child >seven years later >see two more snakes f------ >not this time assholes >leave the snakes alone >curse broken, you get turned back into a man >later >Zeus and Hera come to you because they're arguing >disagree about whether the man or the woman feels more pleasure during sex >Zeus says women, Hera says men >ask you because you've been both >say women, prove Zeus right >Hera chimps out hard >strikes you blind >Zeus feels bad for you and gives you the the gift of prophecy out of pity >later foretell when Oedipus' life gets completely f-----, even though no one believes you >when you die Odysseus goes to the underworld specifically to summon your ghost Greek mythology is the wildest f------ s---.
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)09:10:37 No.18127745 >be Tiresias >see two snakes f------ >cut that s--- out, assholes >whack them with your stick >this apparently pisses Hera off >she turns you into a woman as punishment 578 KB PNG >become one of Hera's priestesses, have at least one child >seven years later >see two more snakes f------ >not this time assholes >leave the snakes alone >curse broken, you get turned back into a man >later >Zeus and Hera come to you because they're arguing >disagree about whether the man or the woman feels more pleasure during sex >Zeus says women, Hera says men >ask you because you've been both >say women, prove Zeus right >Hera chimps out hard >strikes you blind >Zeus feels bad for you and gives you the the gift of prophecy out of pity >later foretell when Oedipus' life gets completely f-----, even though no one believes you >when you die Odysseus goes to the underworld specifically to summon your ghost Greek mythology is the wildest f------ s---.

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Tranon comes out to dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)14:34:18 No.19202889 1038474.jpg 234 KB JPG >told dad I'm a tranner >dad gives me a hug >he said "you're going to be the ugliest girl I've ever seen but I'm here for you, sweetie." >mfw T-Thanks dad...
: Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)14:34:18 No.19202889 1038474.jpg 234 KB JPG >told dad I'm a tranner >dad gives me a hug >he said "you're going to be the ugliest girl I've ever seen but I'm here for you, sweetie." >mfw T-Thanks dad...

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Anon is british | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)14:14:14 No.63423667 >be me >british >wake up, eat my black pudding and stale bacon >don't brush my teeth >go to work where I scrape the literal faeces off the streets 23 KB JPG >get stabbed >go to the pub and spend my hard earned 19.50 on 2 pints of stale lager >get stabbed >go back to my revolting 1 bed apartment >eat my undercooked sausages with plain mashed potato >don't brush my teeth >sleep >repeat The UK has to be a prank at this point
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)14:14:14 No.63423667 >be me >british >wake up, eat my black pudding and stale bacon >don't brush my teeth >go to work where I scrape the literal faeces off the streets 23 KB JPG >get stabbed >go to the pub and spend my hard earned 19.50 on 2 pints of stale lager >get stabbed >go back to my revolting 1 bed apartment >eat my undercooked sausages with plain mashed potato >don't brush my teeth >sleep >repeat The UK has to be a prank at this point

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Anon is a security guard | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: 51QFOZOC) 05/02/13(Thu)13:42:29 No.477229176 >>477228380 I got one >Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security >brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >"We are the f------ cops, we are going to come in." >I say "riddle me this..." then proceed to puke on one of them. >They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus >never recognize me I regret nothing
O Anonymous (ID: 51QFOZOC) 05/02/13(Thu)13:42:29 No.477229176 >>477228380 I got one >Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security >brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >"We are the f------ cops, we are going to come in." >I say "riddle me this..." then proceed to puke on one of them. >They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus >never recognize me I regret nothing

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Anon is a player | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous04/28/21(Wed)14:21:21 No.63423218 oh f--- >Be me, 26 year old cucklord >Lost my virginity at 17, have had plenty of one night stands since >Today i learned that 6 KB JPG atoms never touch eachother >everything is made of atoms >my d--- has never actually touched a vagina >mfw im stuck as a virgin for life Science anons please help im desperate
: Anonymous04/28/21(Wed)14:21:21 No.63423218 oh f--- >Be me, 26 year old cucklord >Lost my virginity at 17, have had plenty of one night stands since >Today i learned that 6 KB JPG atoms never touch eachother >everything is made of atoms >my d--- has never actually touched a vagina >mfw im stuck as a virgin for life Science anons please help im desperate

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Anon has skin care technique | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/19(Mon)23:19:28 No.796451665 >be me jacking off late at night >run out of tissue to wipe up >what do? >lightbulb.wav >l take showers in the morning >youseewherethisisgoing.jpg >wipe c-- on my stomach until dry 62 KB JPG >wake up the next morning >usually have acne on my torso >l don't this morning >wotmate.stl >c-- is good for your skin >start doing it regularly >acne gone >few weeks later realize what I'm doing >realize that l'm an autist that rubs c-- on himself >mfw
: Anonymous 04/01/19(Mon)23:19:28 No.796451665 >be me jacking off late at night >run out of tissue to wipe up >what do? >lightbulb.wav >l take showers in the morning >youseewherethisisgoing.jpg >wipe c-- on my stomach until dry 62 KB JPG >wake up the next morning >usually have acne on my torso >l don't this morning >wotmate.stl >c-- is good for your skin >start doing it regularly >acne gone >few weeks later realize what I'm doing >realize that l'm an autist that rubs c-- on himself >mfw

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

1d (4/27 15:02) 61176759 JPG 30KB (554 x 554) 35 Replies >>61173933 (OP) F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros ...
1d (4/27 15:02) 61176759 JPG 30KB (554 x 554) 35 Replies >>61173933 (OP) F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros ...

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Anon poses a good question | /r/Greentext

File: first black president.jpg (11 KB, 480x360) Anonymous (ID: tOWidatY [Reply] 02/06/18(Tue)23:25:28 No.159548327 >played jazz sax >could reliably hoop a free throw >ordered fried chicken on every Airforce One flight >almost lost his job over some phat white ass Was Bill Clinton the first black president?
File: first black president.jpg (11 KB, 480x360) Anonymous (ID: tOWidatY [Reply] 02/06/18(Tue)23:25:28 No.159548327 >played jazz sax >could reliably hoop a free throw >ordered fried chicken on every Airforce One flight >almost lost his job over some phat white ass Was Bill Clinton the first black president?

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They're here again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/28/18(Fri)20:22:10 No.788472318 >be me >sitting alone in my basement fapping to martha speaks like a respectable adult >hear a shuffling in the walls >pause my fap fuel and put my ear to the wall 554 KB JPG >I can hear it....the unmistakable sound of a d--- dragging across insulation >my god, they're back >suddenly a hole is torn in the wall and there it is, looking at me with eyes full of lust >the r--- dwarf has found me again. >it sees my lubriderm covered c--- and shakes with excitement >I grab the closest object and throw it as hard as I can at the fat little f--- >hoho! It shrieks and disappears back into the wall and I run upstairs >l must prepare.
: Anonymous 12/28/18(Fri)20:22:10 No.788472318 >be me >sitting alone in my basement fapping to martha speaks like a respectable adult >hear a shuffling in the walls >pause my fap fuel and put my ear to the wall 554 KB JPG >I can hear it....the unmistakable sound of a d--- dragging across insulation >my god, they're back >suddenly a hole is torn in the wall and there it is, looking at me with eyes full of lust >the r--- dwarf has found me again. >it sees my lubriderm covered c--- and shakes with excitement >I grab the closest object and throw it as hard as I can at the fat little f--- >hoho! It shrieks and disappears back into the wall and I run upstairs >l must prepare.

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