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I feel offended | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)17:23:38 No.28343082 Just about >yfw you realize that grey alien spaceships are actually swarming in the skies and they're just invisible McFuckina had it 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)17:27:13 No.28343104 >yfw They are just studying us, and prolly have entire years of content of you fapping and wasting your life that they use as an example of how f----- humanity is 54 KB JPG >>28343193 #
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)17:23:38 No.28343082 Just about >yfw you realize that grey alien spaceships are actually swarming in the skies and they're just invisible McFuckina had it 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)17:27:13 No.28343104 >yfw They are just studying us, and prolly have entire years of content of you fapping and wasting your life that they use as an example of how f----- humanity is 54 KB JPG >>28343193 #

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Anon goes to grocery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 745713917 1 hr ago .. > Now, I'm sure many of you have encountered little s---- in supermarkets. > Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. > But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little c---- that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. > Okay, here's the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the f------ skin, too. > This was when the gears started turning. > The moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little s---'s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little c--- he is. >I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming "S---! S---!" V> > Now, my good friend, Tom we'll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. > He started shouting "F---! MAYBE HE DIDN'T GET IT! F---!." > By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying. > Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. > Here's the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say > "Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I'm... I'm F------ HIV POSITIVE." > And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. > The brat knows he just f----- up big time because his mom isn't defending his ass. > She just stares at me wide eyed. >I walk away from them, buy my s--- from the wide eyed cashier > All the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. > And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the c--- she is. >I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that s--.
Anonymous | 745713917 1 hr ago .. > Now, I'm sure many of you have encountered little s---- in supermarkets. > Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. > But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little c---- that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. > Okay, here's the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the f------ skin, too. > This was when the gears started turning. > The moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little s---'s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little c--- he is. >I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming "S---! S---!" V> > Now, my good friend, Tom we'll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. > He started shouting "F---! MAYBE HE DIDN'T GET IT! F---!." > By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying. > Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. > Here's the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say > "Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I'm... I'm F------ HIV POSITIVE." > And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. > The brat knows he just f----- up big time because his mom isn't defending his ass. > She just stares at me wide eyed. >I walk away from them, buy my s--- from the wide eyed cashier > All the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. > And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the c--- she is. >I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that s--.

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anon is a skellington | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)08:44:16 No.853238534 >be MtF trannie in 2020s >"trans women are women" >yasss >travel to the Alps for a ski holiday >die under avalanche >they never find my body 115 KB JPG >ffw to AD 3472 >archeologists dig my skellington up >finally >"Analysis of the skeletal remains recently recovered from the Alps shows that they clearly belonged to a human male" >mfw
: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)08:44:16 No.853238534 >be MtF trannie in 2020s >"trans women are women" >yasss >travel to the Alps for a ski holiday >die under avalanche >they never find my body 115 KB JPG >ffw to AD 3472 >archeologists dig my skellington up >finally >"Analysis of the skeletal remains recently recovered from the Alps shows that they clearly belonged to a human male" >mfw

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I like your water | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)15:14:14 No.61205288 >Been working in a cafe for side job >See blonde cutie 8/10 >She's a regular >We never really talk much but ask about each other on how each of our day is >Co-worker say she likes me and is sure of it. >Just laugh and say ok >Ohshitohfucksomeonelikesme.jpg >Go to /fit/ and ask how to talk to her because i dont wanna drop my spaghetti >They say find some common ground both of you have/like and talk about that >Next time she comes >She mires and says she likes my shirt and how good it fits me ands asks if i lift >Say yeah >Remember about the advice from /fit/ bro >Tell her i liker her water >She looks confused >Lift up my finger like E.T when he left earth and touch her >l said "your water inside here" >Touch her chest >She's backs off a little and says what??? >Smile and say there is water inside you, just like inside me and i like that in you >She has that shocked and disgusted look on her face >Says ok grabs her coffee and leaves. >lt's been 2 weeks now and she haven't come back since. >Co-worker saw it all coudn't stop laughing for 5 min straight and always does the E.T finger move when he leaves Well i got my first mire from a cute girl tho so i cant complain >>61205355 #>>61205406 #>>61205662 #>>61205703 # >>61205827 # >>61206050 # >>61206314 # >>61206891 # >>61206919 # >>61207164 # 361207166 # >>61207287 # >>61207460# >>61207600 # >>61208091 #
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)15:14:14 No.61205288 >Been working in a cafe for side job >See blonde cutie 8/10 >She's a regular >We never really talk much but ask about each other on how each of our day is >Co-worker say she likes me and is sure of it. >Just laugh and say ok >Ohshitohfucksomeonelikesme.jpg >Go to /fit/ and ask how to talk to her because i dont wanna drop my spaghetti >They say find some common ground both of you have/like and talk about that >Next time she comes >She mires and says she likes my shirt and how good it fits me ands asks if i lift >Say yeah >Remember about the advice from /fit/ bro >Tell her i liker her water >She looks confused >Lift up my finger like E.T when he left earth and touch her >l said "your water inside here" >Touch her chest >She's backs off a little and says what??? >Smile and say there is water inside you, just like inside me and i like that in you >She has that shocked and disgusted look on her face >Says ok grabs her coffee and leaves. >lt's been 2 weeks now and she haven't come back since. >Co-worker saw it all coudn't stop laughing for 5 min straight and always does the E.T finger move when he leaves Well i got my first mire from a cute girl tho so i cant complain >>61205355 #>>61205406 #>>61205662 #>>61205703 # >>61205827 # >>61206050 # >>61206314 # >>61206891 # >>61206919 # >>61207164 # 361207166 # >>61207287 # >>61207460# >>61207600 # >>61208091 #

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Anon's dad is an omegachad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)21:24:15 No.845349589 1608053155613.png 1.42 MB PNG >in boy scouts >scout master is r----- me >dad runs in >'hey pal, how about you f--- someone your own size' >dad pulls down pants >scout master starts to f--- dad >dad uses his a------ muscles to grab hold of scout master by d--- >slams scout master against wall >dad rapes scout master to death My dad, the hero!
: Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)21:24:15 No.845349589 1608053155613.png 1.42 MB PNG >in boy scouts >scout master is r----- me >dad runs in >'hey pal, how about you f--- someone your own size' >dad pulls down pants >scout master starts to f--- dad >dad uses his a------ muscles to grab hold of scout master by d--- >slams scout master against wall >dad rapes scout master to death My dad, the hero!

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Anon does a prank call | /r/Greentext

File: 1372962827556 gif-(426 KB, 500x282, whathaveidone.gif) O Anonymous (ID: CmZth2jV) 07/04/13(Thu)14:33:47 No.491101037 This happened a few years ago, I just wanted to share >be me >have random idea to prank call someone for the first time in my life >decide to be original and craft my own call >thirty minutes go by >eureka GN >pick someone random in phone book >call >girl picks up, maybe thirteen >Girl: "Hello?" >Me: "Is this the Suicide Hotline?" >G: "Uh, no this is the Smith household." >M: "F--- I CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" >hold phone up to computer, play gunshot sound effect >drop phone, leave it off the hook >G: OH MY GOD, DADI DAD SOMEONE JUST SHOT THEMSELVESI >she starts crying, runs away >hear dad asking her to calm down and explain >l assume she does, all I can hear is sobbing >dad starts freaking out >dad tries to calm her down >says something along the lines of "We'll be okay, at least it wasn't someone we know." >she gets angry, screams something like "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?", walks off. >dad sits down by phone, starts weeping >i hang up the phone. >tfw I have permanently scarred a family >tfw I have strained and may have broken the loving relationship between father and daughter >tfw the daughter is probably in therapy right now And that was the last time I ever prank called someone.
File: 1372962827556 gif-(426 KB, 500x282, whathaveidone.gif) O Anonymous (ID: CmZth2jV) 07/04/13(Thu)14:33:47 No.491101037 This happened a few years ago, I just wanted to share >be me >have random idea to prank call someone for the first time in my life >decide to be original and craft my own call >thirty minutes go by >eureka GN >pick someone random in phone book >call >girl picks up, maybe thirteen >Girl: "Hello?" >Me: "Is this the Suicide Hotline?" >G: "Uh, no this is the Smith household." >M: "F--- I CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" >hold phone up to computer, play gunshot sound effect >drop phone, leave it off the hook >G: OH MY GOD, DADI DAD SOMEONE JUST SHOT THEMSELVESI >she starts crying, runs away >hear dad asking her to calm down and explain >l assume she does, all I can hear is sobbing >dad starts freaking out >dad tries to calm her down >says something along the lines of "We'll be okay, at least it wasn't someone we know." >she gets angry, screams something like "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?", walks off. >dad sits down by phone, starts weeping >i hang up the phone. >tfw I have permanently scarred a family >tfw I have strained and may have broken the loving relationship between father and daughter >tfw the daughter is probably in therapy right now And that was the last time I ever prank called someone.

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Anon reflects on the human condition | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)03:17:32 No.61196524 File: 1608647766961.jpg (86 KB, 440x402) >>61196642 >need to eat >also need to lose weight
Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)03:17:32 No.61196524 File: 1608647766961.jpg (86 KB, 440x402) >>61196642 >need to eat >also need to lose weight

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anon hires a hooker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:07:25 No.62950365 The Virgin Chad >hire a h----- >tell her I'm a virgin >not actually a virgin, have had plenty of sex >but when she thinks it's my first time, she's very gentle and sensual, and I get to act nervous and submissive, which really turns 34 KB JPG me on >when I act all amazed when I touch boobs "for the first time", it actually feels more special to me >I love how caring she is and how she takes the lead if she thinks she's deflowering me >when I finish, she cuddles with me and calls me a good boy I've done this with about 20 different hookers now and I can't stop.
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:07:25 No.62950365 The Virgin Chad >hire a h----- >tell her I'm a virgin >not actually a virgin, have had plenty of sex >but when she thinks it's my first time, she's very gentle and sensual, and I get to act nervous and submissive, which really turns 34 KB JPG me on >when I act all amazed when I touch boobs "for the first time", it actually feels more special to me >I love how caring she is and how she takes the lead if she thinks she's deflowering me >when I finish, she cuddles with me and calls me a good boy I've done this with about 20 different hookers now and I can't stop.

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Anon feels like an Indian man. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/17(Wed)18:22:32 No.41919902 >Be me >19 yo average male >Often do exercise on the night and shower the next morning >One day wake up covered on sweat 16 KB JPG >Smell like s--- >S---, there's s--- in my pants >somehow I s------ myself >Quickly go to the bathroom to realize I've got conjunctivitis and a big ass stye on my left eyelid >Stink like armpit and s---, sweaty in all parts of my body, my hair is greasy, stye and conjunctivitis on my eyes. >Genuinely feel like an Indian man >Feel sad and fall into depression >Take longest shower in my life So, how's your day anon?
: Anonymous 12/20/17(Wed)18:22:32 No.41919902 >Be me >19 yo average male >Often do exercise on the night and shower the next morning >One day wake up covered on sweat 16 KB JPG >Smell like s--- >S---, there's s--- in my pants >somehow I s------ myself >Quickly go to the bathroom to realize I've got conjunctivitis and a big ass stye on my left eyelid >Stink like armpit and s---, sweaty in all parts of my body, my hair is greasy, stye and conjunctivitis on my eyes. >Genuinely feel like an Indian man >Feel sad and fall into depression >Take longest shower in my life So, how's your day anon?

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Anon is too poor to move out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)08:11:59 No.61372399 >universe is 90+billion lightyears across >you will never even get to leave earth it hurts to think about 7 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)08:11:59 No.61372399 >universe is 90+billion lightyears across >you will never even get to leave earth it hurts to think about 7 KB JPG

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Anon has a great success | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)19:21:30 No.853177956 VERY NICE >go home from school >pretty tired >catch tram >transfer to subway(underground for 'he bri' ish) GREAT SUCCESS >see a kid who wears 35 KB JPG headphones on the platform >8-11 years old probably >train comes >l get in and he too >get seated >he seats himself diagonally of me >he turns about be an autist >starts singing these s----- songs with his s----- voice >it goes until my stop >tell him that there are also other people on the train >autistic kid doesn't react >first time ever I wanted to beat up a kid >this(next) day >get on tram >tram stops at a stop >see autistic kid running to the tram with his headphones of course >close doors and tram departs >l'm in tram, autistic kid is not >great success
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)19:21:30 No.853177956 VERY NICE >go home from school >pretty tired >catch tram >transfer to subway(underground for 'he bri' ish) GREAT SUCCESS >see a kid who wears 35 KB JPG headphones on the platform >8-11 years old probably >train comes >l get in and he too >get seated >he seats himself diagonally of me >he turns about be an autist >starts singing these s----- songs with his s----- voice >it goes until my stop >tell him that there are also other people on the train >autistic kid doesn't react >first time ever I wanted to beat up a kid >this(next) day >get on tram >tram stops at a stop >see autistic kid running to the tram with his headphones of course >close doors and tram departs >l'm in tram, autistic kid is not >great success

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Anon gets free breackfast | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)09:43:21 No.775334667 >be me >french >move to the states >have weird name, lets call myself ánon >my school had a coffee shop >would buy breackfast there 8 KB PNG everyday >they couldnt pronounce/spell my name >ffw end of the month >mfw they couldnt find my name on the list and all the breackfasts were completely free >mfw i ate free breackfast for the rest of the year
: Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)09:43:21 No.775334667 >be me >french >move to the states >have weird name, lets call myself ánon >my school had a coffee shop >would buy breackfast there 8 KB PNG everyday >they couldnt pronounce/spell my name >ffw end of the month >mfw they couldnt find my name on the list and all the breackfasts were completely free >mfw i ate free breackfast for the rest of the year

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Anon goes to a party | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)22:39:17 No.63428164 >be 5'6" >having a party with some friends for the 4th of july >chad grabs an empty bottle nad makes us all play >no limits, everyone kissing 441 KB PNG everyone, three way make outs if its in the middle, dudes kissing dudes, dudes kisisng girl >Tallest girl is like 6'2" >assume she has no interest in me, when i land on her i lean over the table and give her a bit kiss, but dont really make out like i do with the others >she plays offended, anytime we do anything, she makes me do it again but 'better' because i didn't show her as much attention as the other girls >ends with me between her legs kisisng my way up her thights and teasing her through her panties >she still ends up going home with chad It's okay though, im gay.
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)22:39:17 No.63428164 >be 5'6" >having a party with some friends for the 4th of july >chad grabs an empty bottle nad makes us all play >no limits, everyone kissing 441 KB PNG everyone, three way make outs if its in the middle, dudes kissing dudes, dudes kisisng girl >Tallest girl is like 6'2" >assume she has no interest in me, when i land on her i lean over the table and give her a bit kiss, but dont really make out like i do with the others >she plays offended, anytime we do anything, she makes me do it again but 'better' because i didn't show her as much attention as the other girls >ends with me between her legs kisisng my way up her thights and teasing her through her panties >she still ends up going home with chad It's okay though, im gay.

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Anon fucked up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)21:45:40 No.63356819 My mother used te pake in my mouth. >told my therapist about my femdom/mommy fetish >she just looked visibly uncomfortable the whole time and i could tell she was trying her best to not make it akward or seem rude 292 KB JPG >tfw she didnt even bother to ask me when i would like to book another appointment afterwards even though she always does did i f--- up anons? i thought therapy was about being as honest as possible so they can help you. i feel like a freak now and don't know if i even want to go anymore
: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)21:45:40 No.63356819 My mother used te pake in my mouth. >told my therapist about my femdom/mommy fetish >she just looked visibly uncomfortable the whole time and i could tell she was trying her best to not make it akward or seem rude 292 KB JPG >tfw she didnt even bother to ask me when i would like to book another appointment afterwards even though she always does did i f--- up anons? i thought therapy was about being as honest as possible so they can help you. i feel like a freak now and don't know if i even want to go anymore

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Anon is a businessman. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Rare Pepes 04/28/21(Wed)18:30:17 No.63423555 >Hey >Hey kid, >l got some rare pepes, 1st EDITION PEPES! SUPER RARE! >You want sum? -Click here- >Yes? 69 KB PNG >Alright 50 per folder >you got the cash? >W- >What are you doing with that gun...? >F--- MAN TAKE THE MONEY AND THE PEPES I DONT CARE >DUDE NO PLEASE >PLEASE BRO DONT DO IT >PLEASE I HAVE KIDS Nothing kills a man faster than a bullet to the head.
: Anonymous Rare Pepes 04/28/21(Wed)18:30:17 No.63423555 >Hey >Hey kid, >l got some rare pepes, 1st EDITION PEPES! SUPER RARE! >You want sum? -Click here- >Yes? 69 KB PNG >Alright 50 per folder >you got the cash? >W- >What are you doing with that gun...? >F--- MAN TAKE THE MONEY AND THE PEPES I DONT CARE >DUDE NO PLEASE >PLEASE BRO DONT DO IT >PLEASE I HAVE KIDS Nothing kills a man faster than a bullet to the head.

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anon has uneven balls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)15:35:34 No.6342883 >Just noticed one of my balls hangs a little lower than the other This is it, guys. I'm done for. 307 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)15:35:34 No.6342883 >Just noticed one of my balls hangs a little lower than the other This is it, guys. I'm done for. 307 KB JPG

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Anons big night out | /r/Greentext

>friday night L'OREAL >shower TUTAL >shave beard >hair product >new jacket >new shoes 59 KB JPG >apply fragrance >say goodnight to parents >hide in the woods until 2am
>friday night L'OREAL >shower TUTAL >shave beard >hair product >new jacket >new shoes 59 KB JPG >apply fragrance >say goodnight to parents >hide in the woods until 2am

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Anon likes ghosting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)16:44:39 No.63428966 >girl texts me after a while of no talking >asks what i've been up to >tell her ive been drowning in uni work >"haha yeah i've kinda been drowning in life you know...anon.." >reply "lol" 91 KB JPG >continue ghosting her
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)16:44:39 No.63428966 >girl texts me after a while of no talking >asks what i've been up to >tell her ive been drowning in uni work >"haha yeah i've kinda been drowning in life you know...anon.." >reply "lol" 91 KB JPG >continue ghosting her

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The terrorists win | /r/Greentext

File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300, tSrfb2A jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15:14:15 UTC-6 No.519 So /b/, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda
File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300, tSrfb2A jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15:14:15 UTC-6 No.519 So /b/, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda

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Anon is a vigilante | /r/Greentext

1• #752491501 11/30/17, 12:13 AM >be me >skating home drunk >see some guy getting beat up in a gutter >run to save him >get beat up too tf man
1• #752491501 11/30/17, 12:13 AM >be me >skating home drunk >see some guy getting beat up in a gutter >run to save him >get beat up too tf man

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