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Anon hates fruit tribe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/18(Fri)06:52:53 No.46719974 >>46719859 # >fruit tribe laughs at meat tribe >says meat tribe breath stop early >ice age come >no fruit left >guess who laugh now
: Anonymous 07/06/18(Fri)06:52:53 No.46719974 >>46719859 # >fruit tribe laughs at meat tribe >says meat tribe breath stop early >ice age come >no fruit left >guess who laugh now

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Anon wants pictures of Spider-Man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)08:39:41 No.122737548 Slander is spoken, libel is printed.png 473 KB PNG >PARKER! When I say I want pictures of Spider-man, I mean Spider-man. Not the Asian female knockoff, not old hag in the red jumpsuit, not the cartoon pig, not the one in the hoodie, and certainly not black one! PICTURES. OF. SPIDER. HYPHEN. MAN. ÔNCE THE DOCTORS MANAGE TO PRY YOUR CAMERA OUT OF YOUR LOWER INTESTINES, I EXPECT THOSE PHOTOS TO BE ON MY DESK BY SUNDOWN, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!
: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)08:39:41 No.122737548 Slander is spoken, libel is printed.png 473 KB PNG >PARKER! When I say I want pictures of Spider-man, I mean Spider-man. Not the Asian female knockoff, not old hag in the red jumpsuit, not the cartoon pig, not the one in the hoodie, and certainly not black one! PICTURES. OF. SPIDER. HYPHEN. MAN. ÔNCE THE DOCTORS MANAGE TO PRY YOUR CAMERA OUT OF YOUR LOWER INTESTINES, I EXPECT THOSE PHOTOS TO BE ON MY DESK BY SUNDOWN, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!

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Why must you hurt me this way | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:47:59 No.63450322 >You will never have a teenage romance >You never had the shy awkward fırst date where you're both sweating buckets >You will never make a big deal out of holding hands or kissing >You will never go with her to the 137 KB JPG school dance Every moment of youth that slips away leaves so many more wonderful feelings unfulfilled. : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:50:06 No.63450335 >>63450322 (OP) # Don't remind me, OP. 211 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:47:59 No.63450322 >You will never have a teenage romance >You never had the shy awkward fırst date where you're both sweating buckets >You will never make a big deal out of holding hands or kissing >You will never go with her to the 137 KB JPG school dance Every moment of youth that slips away leaves so many more wonderful feelings unfulfilled. : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:50:06 No.63450335 >>63450322 (OP) # Don't remind me, OP. 211 KB JPG

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Anon proves twilight is redpilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)18:20:03 No.61261329 >>61261110 (OP) # Unironically twilight is one of the most redpilled movies ever. Here's what I got from it >women bring absolutely nothing to the table they just hang out and pick the winner >Most attractive thing you can do to a girl is leave her, abuse her >if you're hot you can do and say anything and bitches still love you >Edward has immortality, and with it he chooses to go to highschool over and over again just to f--- 16 year olds >give away your daughters to your homies in arranged marriages >native Americans are violent drunken werewolves >>61261357 # >>61261369 # >>61263400 # >>61264709 #
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)18:20:03 No.61261329 >>61261110 (OP) # Unironically twilight is one of the most redpilled movies ever. Here's what I got from it >women bring absolutely nothing to the table they just hang out and pick the winner >Most attractive thing you can do to a girl is leave her, abuse her >if you're hot you can do and say anything and bitches still love you >Edward has immortality, and with it he chooses to go to highschool over and over again just to f--- 16 year olds >give away your daughters to your homies in arranged marriages >native Americans are violent drunken werewolves >>61261357 # >>61261369 # >>61263400 # >>61264709 #

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Anon goes to the cinema | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)10:42:43 No.853382669 > be me > 36 year old good boy > going to the cinema with m'lady Yumeko body pillow to see the new my little pony movie > mommy bought me tickets (glad that stupid bitch did something right 246 KB JPG for once) > wearing my finest trench coat and fedora > walk into movie theatre > Chad turns to me and sees m'lady > he laughs "What are you doing with that thing?" > thing > what >I must defend m'ladys honour > take my katana out from under my trench coat > REEEEEEEEE > TENDIE WHIRLWIND ATTACK >I charge Chad, the tendies I had stuffed in my pockets flying everywhere > he sidesteppes me and due to my 450 pound healthy frame I fall on my face > Chad kicks me in the head as I am down > I wake up in the wee woo bus with my waifu by my side > she thanks me for defending her honour and calls me king > mfw
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)10:42:43 No.853382669 > be me > 36 year old good boy > going to the cinema with m'lady Yumeko body pillow to see the new my little pony movie > mommy bought me tickets (glad that stupid bitch did something right 246 KB JPG for once) > wearing my finest trench coat and fedora > walk into movie theatre > Chad turns to me and sees m'lady > he laughs "What are you doing with that thing?" > thing > what >I must defend m'ladys honour > take my katana out from under my trench coat > REEEEEEEEE > TENDIE WHIRLWIND ATTACK >I charge Chad, the tendies I had stuffed in my pockets flying everywhere > he sidesteppes me and due to my 450 pound healthy frame I fall on my face > Chad kicks me in the head as I am down > I wake up in the wee woo bus with my waifu by my side > she thanks me for defending her honour and calls me king > mfw

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anon is Brazilian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)23:10:31 No.853416273 > be brazillian > s------- country, wish I could live in America > can't even afford a doctor > have to rely on free universal healthcare instead 146 KB JPG > barely gets paid living wage > can only survive due to the many welfare programs and discounts on bills and taxes > we don't even export culture > nobody even knows who Machado de Assis and Villa Lobos are > americans got cool stereotypes, like shouting 'freedom' in an electric scooter > we are known worldwide as bubbly things like energetic, sociable, hot, etc > country doesn't even speak english > had to grew up bilingual learning english at the free schools > pic related. i must eat cheap healthy food everyday like rice, beans, pasta, mashed potatoes, more types of meat than stars in the sky, all sorts of salads, vegetables and fruits > tendies are costly > even nature is boring > just regular biodiversity and beauty, zero natural disasters > crime is everywhere > murder rate in my city is 12 per 100000, almost as high as suicide rate in USA At least Bolsonaro is fixing things.
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)23:10:31 No.853416273 > be brazillian > s------- country, wish I could live in America > can't even afford a doctor > have to rely on free universal healthcare instead 146 KB JPG > barely gets paid living wage > can only survive due to the many welfare programs and discounts on bills and taxes > we don't even export culture > nobody even knows who Machado de Assis and Villa Lobos are > americans got cool stereotypes, like shouting 'freedom' in an electric scooter > we are known worldwide as bubbly things like energetic, sociable, hot, etc > country doesn't even speak english > had to grew up bilingual learning english at the free schools > pic related. i must eat cheap healthy food everyday like rice, beans, pasta, mashed potatoes, more types of meat than stars in the sky, all sorts of salads, vegetables and fruits > tendies are costly > even nature is boring > just regular biodiversity and beauty, zero natural disasters > crime is everywhere > murder rate in my city is 12 per 100000, almost as high as suicide rate in USA At least Bolsonaro is fixing things.

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Anon comes from a dysfunctional family | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)12:11:29 No.63466447 >mom p----- the bed again after getting black out drunk again im starting to get sick of living 58 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)12:11:29 No.63466447 >mom p----- the bed again after getting black out drunk again im starting to get sick of living 58 KB JPG

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Anon doesn't trust his dreams | /r/Greentext

>be me >ate pancake >hate pancake >puke pancake >woke up from dream >are pancake for breakfast >loved pancake 189 KB JPG >nevertrustyourdreams.jpeg
>be me >ate pancake >hate pancake >puke pancake >woke up from dream >are pancake for breakfast >loved pancake 189 KB JPG >nevertrustyourdreams.jpeg

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/b/ in a nutshell | /r/Greentext

>go to /b/ >half of the threads are blacked cuck s--- >other half is loli s--- >tfw
>go to /b/ >half of the threads are blacked cuck s--- >other half is loli s--- >tfw

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Anon loves his mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related
: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related

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Anon gets mocked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)12:05:39 No.63466398 >family made fun of me for trying to be a video game streamer again 43 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)12:05:39 No.63466398 >family made fun of me for trying to be a video game streamer again 43 KB PNG

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Anon almost gets robbed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/18(Tue)19:07:03 No.49670991 >be me 18 year old >walking alone back from uni at night >i see some girl in a hoodie behind me >whatever.avi >i go forward several blocks taking multiple turns because autism (think shes following me) 17 KB JPG > suddenly she sprints forward and grabs my arm casually >"hey anon! its me from highschool! u remember?" >ive never seen this girl in my life >she then pushes me against a building wall and puts her hand on my benis >i close my eyes, autism kicks in >i kick her in the stomack with my knee >while she screams a tall fat n----- comes out of a car >"w-what the f-- u doin! >he had a knife >they were trying to rob me >escape into the shadows with a boner mfw when autism saved my life
: Anonymous 12/04/18(Tue)19:07:03 No.49670991 >be me 18 year old >walking alone back from uni at night >i see some girl in a hoodie behind me >whatever.avi >i go forward several blocks taking multiple turns because autism (think shes following me) 17 KB JPG > suddenly she sprints forward and grabs my arm casually >"hey anon! its me from highschool! u remember?" >ive never seen this girl in my life >she then pushes me against a building wall and puts her hand on my benis >i close my eyes, autism kicks in >i kick her in the stomack with my knee >while she screams a tall fat n----- comes out of a car >"w-what the f-- u doin! >he had a knife >they were trying to rob me >escape into the shadows with a boner mfw when autism saved my life

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Going to Silent Hill. Need anything? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)22:51:17 No.22418409 ► >>22418416 >>22418997 I think I found a fake town last year, like Truman show fake >be me >last summer >cross county road trip, hitting up some national parks for /out/ >in central/southern Utah >it's getting late, like 10pm (been driving since 6ish) >it's dark as f---, no moon, can only see what's lit up by my headlights >decide to find someplace to rest for the night at next exit >see a town off in the distance, turn off on only pull off I've seen for over an hour heading towards town >pull off is unmarked and unlit, not on car gps, no cell service >town is directly ahead though, keep going >road turns to dirt road and is about 5 miles until it turns to pavement again right at the town where businesses and houses started showing up >immediately town strikes me as weird >nobody is on the streets, no cars on the streets or in the businesses parking lots. >jazz music is being pumped through the streets for some reason, not loudly but loud enough to hear >this town that looked to be about 7 blocks wide from some miles out has every major fast food chain l've heard of and 7 hotels on the main street >still no cell service, still not on car GPS >go to get food >KFC was fully illuminated and unlocked, nobody there. Same thing with Jack in the Box. >McDonald's has a cashier and cook when I go there, both look annoyed >take my order, give me distinctly non McDonald's nuggets and fries >leave >start going to get a bed for the night >Hampton Inn, empty parking lot, 3rd annoyed looking person informs me they're all booked up >La Quinta, person I'm now convinced was the cook at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, also empty parking lot, also fully booked >Holiday Inn Express, empty parking lot, person that was clearly the f------ cashier at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, surprisingly they have rooms >ask him if he's the guy from McDonald's "uhh, no, that's my brother" >f--- it, good enough for me >get to room, wifi exists but nothing loads, shower, crash Cont >>22418409 # >wake up next day, no breakfast in lobby, no other guests, >McDonald's guy still there for check out >ask him how to get out of town >"same road you came in on" >head to McDonald's to get something to eat >town is still playing smooth jazz >still nobody on the street >order at drive thru >drive thru lady is definitely lady from the Hampton Inn >ordered a f------ mcgriddle and black coffee, she hands me a microwave English muffin sandwich and what I assume to be some kind of instant coffee >place is too f------ weird to stay and argue >heading down the only f------ road in and out of town >maybe 3 miles onto the 5 mile dirt road notice big metal-wire fence on both sides of the road in the desert, meet on the road in a big motorized gate that is open >soon as I pass thru, gate starts closing >get back onto road, finally get onto 62? That's not right, could've sworn I was on 89 when I decided to pull off and there's mountains in between >finally get cell service, nothing matches description of town, none of the charges ever show up on my card I've told some people and 1 suggested it was Richfield but I know I was south of there and you know, they would've actually charged me for stuff.
Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)22:51:17 No.22418409 ► >>22418416 >>22418997 I think I found a fake town last year, like Truman show fake >be me >last summer >cross county road trip, hitting up some national parks for /out/ >in central/southern Utah >it's getting late, like 10pm (been driving since 6ish) >it's dark as f---, no moon, can only see what's lit up by my headlights >decide to find someplace to rest for the night at next exit >see a town off in the distance, turn off on only pull off I've seen for over an hour heading towards town >pull off is unmarked and unlit, not on car gps, no cell service >town is directly ahead though, keep going >road turns to dirt road and is about 5 miles until it turns to pavement again right at the town where businesses and houses started showing up >immediately town strikes me as weird >nobody is on the streets, no cars on the streets or in the businesses parking lots. >jazz music is being pumped through the streets for some reason, not loudly but loud enough to hear >this town that looked to be about 7 blocks wide from some miles out has every major fast food chain l've heard of and 7 hotels on the main street >still no cell service, still not on car GPS >go to get food >KFC was fully illuminated and unlocked, nobody there. Same thing with Jack in the Box. >McDonald's has a cashier and cook when I go there, both look annoyed >take my order, give me distinctly non McDonald's nuggets and fries >leave >start going to get a bed for the night >Hampton Inn, empty parking lot, 3rd annoyed looking person informs me they're all booked up >La Quinta, person I'm now convinced was the cook at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, also empty parking lot, also fully booked >Holiday Inn Express, empty parking lot, person that was clearly the f------ cashier at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, surprisingly they have rooms >ask him if he's the guy from McDonald's "uhh, no, that's my brother" >f--- it, good enough for me >get to room, wifi exists but nothing loads, shower, crash Cont >>22418409 # >wake up next day, no breakfast in lobby, no other guests, >McDonald's guy still there for check out >ask him how to get out of town >"same road you came in on" >head to McDonald's to get something to eat >town is still playing smooth jazz >still nobody on the street >order at drive thru >drive thru lady is definitely lady from the Hampton Inn >ordered a f------ mcgriddle and black coffee, she hands me a microwave English muffin sandwich and what I assume to be some kind of instant coffee >place is too f------ weird to stay and argue >heading down the only f------ road in and out of town >maybe 3 miles onto the 5 mile dirt road notice big metal-wire fence on both sides of the road in the desert, meet on the road in a big motorized gate that is open >soon as I pass thru, gate starts closing >get back onto road, finally get onto 62? That's not right, could've sworn I was on 89 when I decided to pull off and there's mountains in between >finally get cell service, nothing matches description of town, none of the charges ever show up on my card I've told some people and 1 suggested it was Richfield but I know I was south of there and you know, they would've actually charged me for stuff.

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Anon is from Denmark | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !E 09/28/19(Sat)11:37:48 No.111908715 >woooow look we stacked a bunch of rocks on top of eachother >please clap 757 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/28/19(Sat)11:43:12 No.111908983 Bad thread : Anonymous H 09/28/19(Sat)11:44:34 No.111909056 yea thats kiddie s--- remember that famous denmark construction like uuuhh wait you dont have any denmark more like nolandmarks Imao >>111909912 # >>111910166 # >>111910244 # >>111910271 # >>111910337 # >>111910383 # >>111910512 # >>111910534 # >>111910535 # >>111910593 # >>111910616 # >>111910734 # >>111910789 # >>111910822 # >>111910844 #
: Anonymous !E 09/28/19(Sat)11:37:48 No.111908715 >woooow look we stacked a bunch of rocks on top of eachother >please clap 757 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/28/19(Sat)11:43:12 No.111908983 Bad thread : Anonymous H 09/28/19(Sat)11:44:34 No.111909056 yea thats kiddie s--- remember that famous denmark construction like uuuhh wait you dont have any denmark more like nolandmarks Imao >>111909912 # >>111910166 # >>111910244 # >>111910271 # >>111910337 # >>111910383 # >>111910512 # >>111910534 # >>111910535 # >>111910593 # >>111910616 # >>111910734 # >>111910789 # >>111910822 # >>111910844 #

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anon's friend can't take a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol 19 KB JPG >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday
: Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol 19 KB JPG >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday

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Anon had a cum meltdown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:18:16 No.63450123 >be several weeks into nofap >wake up nutting in my undies HOW THE F--- DO I STOP THIS GUYS SERIOUSLY THIS IS B------- I F------ HATE MY BODY I'M F------ 20 YEARS OLD THIS SHOULDN'T BE 93 KB PNG HAPPENING TO A GROWN ASS MAN I WAS DREAMING ABOUT F------ NOTHING SEXUAL EVEN : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:27:31 No.63450170 >>63450123 (OP) # c-- meltdown >>63450212 #
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:18:16 No.63450123 >be several weeks into nofap >wake up nutting in my undies HOW THE F--- DO I STOP THIS GUYS SERIOUSLY THIS IS B------- I F------ HATE MY BODY I'M F------ 20 YEARS OLD THIS SHOULDN'T BE 93 KB PNG HAPPENING TO A GROWN ASS MAN I WAS DREAMING ABOUT F------ NOTHING SEXUAL EVEN : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:27:31 No.63450170 >>63450123 (OP) # c-- meltdown >>63450212 #

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Anon has an encounter with the police | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 749949132 2 min. ago >Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i >we make a list of kinky s--- we want to do in our life. >last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer >family and gf devastated >remember list 22.8 kB JPG >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on the list >gf wants to have sex in the sewers >mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway >sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me c-- in her >s--- was cash >moral of the story is >f--- the police >coming straight from the underground
Anonymous | 749949132 2 min. ago >Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i >we make a list of kinky s--- we want to do in our life. >last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer >family and gf devastated >remember list 22.8 kB JPG >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on the list >gf wants to have sex in the sewers >mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway >sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me c-- in her >s--- was cash >moral of the story is >f--- the police >coming straight from the underground

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Anon is sneaky | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)15:15:46 No.777675156 >get home from uni one day >live with two roommates, guy and grill who are in a relationship >love to touch her boobs in 21 KB JPG her sleep >one night alone, shes asleep, he's not home >nowisthetime.good >go to her room and start feeling her, instant boner >sosoft.nani >he walks in on me >beats me up, gives me black eye, breaks 2 ribs and 3 fingers >she never found out Why is my dad like this anons?
: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)15:15:46 No.777675156 >get home from uni one day >live with two roommates, guy and grill who are in a relationship >love to touch her boobs in 21 KB JPG her sleep >one night alone, shes asleep, he's not home >nowisthetime.good >go to her room and start feeling her, instant boner >sosoft.nani >he walks in on me >beats me up, gives me black eye, breaks 2 ribs and 3 fingers >she never found out Why is my dad like this anons?

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bin ich ein Mann? Nine | /r/Greentext

File: suicide_guy.jpg (120 KB, 1300x957) Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)05:35:51 No.853382415 [Reply] D>>853385099 >be me >5'6 subhuman >playing on vr >squeaker starts speaking >realises he's taller than me >asks him how tall he is >5'9 >asks how old he is Intire.a >9 >cries should i kill my self anon?
File: suicide_guy.jpg (120 KB, 1300x957) Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)05:35:51 No.853382415 [Reply] D>>853385099 >be me >5'6 subhuman >playing on vr >squeaker starts speaking >realises he's taller than me >asks him how tall he is >5'9 >asks how old he is Intire.a >9 >cries should i kill my self anon?

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Anon's cap is 2 inches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)19:32:08 No.845761015 >be me 12 O >uncle forces me to do a sex tape >video gets out >school mates see it >everyone at school makes fun of 52 KB PNG me >'haha anon could only take 2 inches before tapping out' >shut up! >'anon your such a p----, when i was 10 i could take my dad AND my uncle at once' >you all sh...shut up!! >'hey anon do you have the answers to our math homework?" >*tears in eyes* >i said shut up!!! >run away crying I hated that school
: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)19:32:08 No.845761015 >be me 12 O >uncle forces me to do a sex tape >video gets out >school mates see it >everyone at school makes fun of 52 KB PNG me >'haha anon could only take 2 inches before tapping out' >shut up! >'anon your such a p----, when i was 10 i could take my dad AND my uncle at once' >you all sh...shut up!! >'hey anon do you have the answers to our math homework?" >*tears in eyes* >i said shut up!!! >run away crying I hated that school

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