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Anon is a bartender | /r/Greentext

File: A62CB72F-D410-4EEC-BE4A-B(...).jpg (217 KB, 828x734) O Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)10:23:47 No.853546739 [Reply] >Work at a bar at a beach resort in Florida >Kid comes up (probably about 15 or 16) and asks for a piña colada >Me: "virgin?" >Him: "nah I play football" What did that even mean?
File: A62CB72F-D410-4EEC-BE4A-B(...).jpg (217 KB, 828x734) O Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)10:23:47 No.853546739 [Reply] >Work at a bar at a beach resort in Florida >Kid comes up (probably about 15 or 16) and asks for a piña colada >Me: "virgin?" >Him: "nah I play football" What did that even mean?

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Anon is constipated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous help 05/03/21(Mon)07:29:07 No.24080491 uh oh.jpg 58 KB JPG >havent pooped in 3 days i guess this is goodbye
: Anonymous help 05/03/21(Mon)07:29:07 No.24080491 uh oh.jpg 58 KB JPG >havent pooped in 3 days i guess this is goodbye

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Anon likes ducks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I like ducks 05/02/21(Sun)23:44:12 No.63488597 >me and a duck >happy 69 KB PNG
: Anonymous I like ducks 05/02/21(Sun)23:44:12 No.63488597 >me and a duck >happy 69 KB PNG

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Anon has been cursed with knowledge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:27:15 No.853531181 >theres a fetish for detachable body parts 19 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:27:15 No.853531181 >theres a fetish for detachable body parts 19 KB JPG

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Anon moves to Poland | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" 7 KB JPG > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities" Pic Related
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" 7 KB JPG > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities" Pic Related

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Anon gets a reality check | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)06:21:58 No.63494837 >try taking pic >accidently turn to front camera i am traumatized 58 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)06:21:58 No.63494837 >try taking pic >accidently turn to front camera i am traumatized 58 KB JPG

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Anon isn’t very smart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:09:09 No.853542928 >6ft 4, 18 y/o, 220 lbs fit >get called handsome often >make good money fixing and selling tractors >I can hold a conversation >l am told I'm extremely funny Still a virgin with no friends 214 KB JPG You idiots said this would be easy : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:09:55 No.853542969 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:11:49 No.853543064 >>853542928 (OP) # Have you tried asking a girl out, f-- >>853543112 # : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:12:40 No.853543112 >>853543064 # Oh s--- maybe that's it
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:09:09 No.853542928 >6ft 4, 18 y/o, 220 lbs fit >get called handsome often >make good money fixing and selling tractors >I can hold a conversation >l am told I'm extremely funny Still a virgin with no friends 214 KB JPG You idiots said this would be easy : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:09:55 No.853542969 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:11:49 No.853543064 >>853542928 (OP) # Have you tried asking a girl out, f-- >>853543112 # : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)09:12:40 No.853543112 >>853543064 # Oh s--- maybe that's it

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Power to the people | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)00:50:06 No.61283944 this is an old mire but i've never written it out >ride my bike to the park by the 83 KB JPG lake >start doing pullups on the monkey bars >truck pulls up in front of the park with boat hitched behind it >fishing bros roll down the windows and start yelling, counting my reps >ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, C'MON ONE MORE, etc. >cheer when i reach ten
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)00:50:06 No.61283944 this is an old mire but i've never written it out >ride my bike to the park by the 83 KB JPG lake >start doing pullups on the monkey bars >truck pulls up in front of the park with boat hitched behind it >fishing bros roll down the windows and start yelling, counting my reps >ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, C'MON ONE MORE, etc. >cheer when i reach ten

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Anon flirts with a girl and a boy. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)07:00:56 No.20223410 >be bi dude >flirting with a cis girl >she's unresponsive >gives one word replies >talk about my hobbies >"that's cool I guess" 7 KB JPG >ask about her hobbies >travelling and watching Netflix >having a conversation with her is like pulling teeth >flirting with a femme twink >he actually acts like he's happy to see me >calls me handsome >asks me about my hobbies >has funny banter and makes me laugh, too >has distinct worldviews >"I like how big and strong you are, anon" If bottoms are women, explain this s---
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)07:00:56 No.20223410 >be bi dude >flirting with a cis girl >she's unresponsive >gives one word replies >talk about my hobbies >"that's cool I guess" 7 KB JPG >ask about her hobbies >travelling and watching Netflix >having a conversation with her is like pulling teeth >flirting with a femme twink >he actually acts like he's happy to see me >calls me handsome >asks me about my hobbies >has funny banter and makes me laugh, too >has distinct worldviews >"I like how big and strong you are, anon" If bottoms are women, explain this s---

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Anon doesn’t like getting yelled at | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)04:55:43 No.63497904 1800.jpg 94 KB JPG >WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION PRIVATE? how do you respond? 6 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/03/21 (Mon)04:56:45 No.63497909 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)04:57:20 No.63497912 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)04:59:02 No.63497925 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:07:32 No.63497981 >>63497904 (OP) # Please don't yell at me I have low self esteem :( 13 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)04:55:43 No.63497904 1800.jpg 94 KB JPG >WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION PRIVATE? how do you respond? 6 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/03/21 (Mon)04:56:45 No.63497909 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)04:57:20 No.63497912 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)04:59:02 No.63497925 : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:07:32 No.63497981 >>63497904 (OP) # Please don't yell at me I have low self esteem :( 13 KB JPG

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anon orders tendies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/17/20(Fri)20:48:31 No.825547118 > be me > Gentleman gamer >Women are inferior beings who don't understand my lifestyle > pp still desires them > Decide to capture one to keep as a pet > Use grub hub to order lots of 228 KB PNG tendies until a delivery girl shows up > She's kind of chubby and not blonde but whatever >As soon as she rings the belL I spring my trap rolling down the stairs and knocking her down and out with my immense and healthy 500lb frame >She's been keeping her cage clean and I've been training her to make tendies so I started letting her game with me >Turns out she's way better than me Mfw
: Anonymous 04/17/20(Fri)20:48:31 No.825547118 > be me > Gentleman gamer >Women are inferior beings who don't understand my lifestyle > pp still desires them > Decide to capture one to keep as a pet > Use grub hub to order lots of 228 KB PNG tendies until a delivery girl shows up > She's kind of chubby and not blonde but whatever >As soon as she rings the belL I spring my trap rolling down the stairs and knocking her down and out with my immense and healthy 500lb frame >She's been keeping her cage clean and I've been training her to make tendies so I started letting her game with me >Turns out she's way better than me Mfw

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Anon doesn‘t fall for gold diggers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:25:17 No.63494110 >take girl out on date to mall >clearly gold digger who is using me for money >spend like 600 dollars >she goes to the bathroom and then while she is in there I leave 6 KB JPG and then go home with all bags I bought her then return it the next day and ghost and block her I feel like a scumbag. I stranded her there as I picked her up and drove her there. And then I feel like psychopath for doing what I did. Am I in the wrong? Am I a psychopath?
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:25:17 No.63494110 >take girl out on date to mall >clearly gold digger who is using me for money >spend like 600 dollars >she goes to the bathroom and then while she is in there I leave 6 KB JPG and then go home with all bags I bought her then return it the next day and ghost and block her I feel like a scumbag. I stranded her there as I picked her up and drove her there. And then I feel like psychopath for doing what I did. Am I in the wrong? Am I a psychopath?

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I mean, he's not wrong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)02:22:39 No.13066212 >thousands of billionaires who do nothing to advance society >thousands who profit off of genuinely unethical practices >everyone attacks the one man actually trying to do something 153 KB JPG Why is this? At the very least he got a lot of people interested in science and engineering. He shows that anything is possible. 30 Replies / 8 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:08:51 No.13067379 >>13066212 (OP) # What part of manipulating GME and DOGE stock was benefitting society?
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)02:22:39 No.13066212 >thousands of billionaires who do nothing to advance society >thousands who profit off of genuinely unethical practices >everyone attacks the one man actually trying to do something 153 KB JPG Why is this? At the very least he got a lot of people interested in science and engineering. He shows that anything is possible. 30 Replies / 8 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:08:51 No.13067379 >>13066212 (OP) # What part of manipulating GME and DOGE stock was benefitting society?

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Anon has a “girlfriend” | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)19:47:22 No.63491409 >gf wants me to have more pleasure during sex >suggests no condom >tell her to rub my urethra like she would rub her clit >mfw the end result 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)19:50:53 No.63491460 >>63491409 (OP) # > on r9k > posts a thread about his "gf" F--- OFF YOU STUPID F-----. THIS BOARD ISN'T FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU.
: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)19:47:22 No.63491409 >gf wants me to have more pleasure during sex >suggests no condom >tell her to rub my urethra like she would rub her clit >mfw the end result 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)19:50:53 No.63491460 >>63491409 (OP) # > on r9k > posts a thread about his "gf" F--- OFF YOU STUPID F-----. THIS BOARD ISN'T FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU.

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Anon has friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)11:36:35 No.853471846 Just found out what it's like to be "one of the guys" if you will >My younger sister's bf and 3 of his football buddies decided to take me with them to the sand bar on his boat 394 KB PNG > They're all chads in high school (about 6 years younger than me) >Whole boat ride is super fun. Boat got up to 40mph a few times >Finally get to this little island in the middle of the river, has about 50 or so boats that all have other guys from the same school >All of the boats playing really loud country music >All the guys are chillin and drinking beer that they probably got illegally somehow >At random times they'll start chanting "What do we want? Gay sex! When do we want it? Now!" Or "C--- and Balls, C--- and Balls" >Sister's bf gets out these inflatable floaty chairs and we just float around in the river >go back on the island a little while later and throw a football around for a little bit >Get back to the boat ramp, before I get in my car they ask if they'll see me next week For the first time in 23 years it finally feels like I have friends. I'm probably gonna f--- this up somehow, but until then I actually feel happy.
: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)11:36:35 No.853471846 Just found out what it's like to be "one of the guys" if you will >My younger sister's bf and 3 of his football buddies decided to take me with them to the sand bar on his boat 394 KB PNG > They're all chads in high school (about 6 years younger than me) >Whole boat ride is super fun. Boat got up to 40mph a few times >Finally get to this little island in the middle of the river, has about 50 or so boats that all have other guys from the same school >All of the boats playing really loud country music >All the guys are chillin and drinking beer that they probably got illegally somehow >At random times they'll start chanting "What do we want? Gay sex! When do we want it? Now!" Or "C--- and Balls, C--- and Balls" >Sister's bf gets out these inflatable floaty chairs and we just float around in the river >go back on the island a little while later and throw a football around for a little bit >Get back to the boat ramp, before I get in my car they ask if they'll see me next week For the first time in 23 years it finally feels like I have friends. I'm probably gonna f--- this up somehow, but until then I actually feel happy.

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Anon is exhausted by modern day internet culture | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How did we get here? 05/03/21(Mon)04:34:42 No.63493603 >Low effort trap music with generic love song lyrics is considered groundbreaking and revolutionary >Racism is "okay" if it's towards white people 245 KB PNG >Talking on the Internet now feels more restricted than talking in real life >People are treated like war heros just for calling a p-------- a dumb dumb stinky fart online >Cringe culture >Everybody thinks they're a professional critic if they get a lot of likes >Witch hunting is now called "cancelling" and is considered good >Stalking is now called "stanning" and is considered good >People are literally dying because of people fighting for biased social justice >Every fictional character needs to have a specified sexuality >Youtube is worse than actual TV >Politics are actually everywhere now >People become gay because it's trendy and not because they want to >Freedom of expression is "encouraged" but not if your expression isn't trendy
: Anonymous How did we get here? 05/03/21(Mon)04:34:42 No.63493603 >Low effort trap music with generic love song lyrics is considered groundbreaking and revolutionary >Racism is "okay" if it's towards white people 245 KB PNG >Talking on the Internet now feels more restricted than talking in real life >People are treated like war heros just for calling a p-------- a dumb dumb stinky fart online >Cringe culture >Everybody thinks they're a professional critic if they get a lot of likes >Witch hunting is now called "cancelling" and is considered good >Stalking is now called "stanning" and is considered good >People are literally dying because of people fighting for biased social justice >Every fictional character needs to have a specified sexuality >Youtube is worse than actual TV >Politics are actually everywhere now >People become gay because it's trendy and not because they want to >Freedom of expression is "encouraged" but not if your expression isn't trendy

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Anon gets cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:29:24 No.853503414 > be me > meet this girl online > we hit it off. She's very nice, intelligent, beautiful... Or so I thought > She says she's bi and has had a girlfriend before > my intuition is telling me to drop 27 KB PNG her because double chances of cheating >I said "f--- it" and continued our relationship > ffw a month and she meets this lesbian > they've been talking a lot and I got jealous > youdonthaveanythingtoworryabout.jpeg >I open her insta and they've been flirting > I confront her, she breaks up with me > ffw a couple of weeks and they are now together > mfw I got cucked by someone that doesn't even have a c--- > mfw I could've avoided this if I listened to my intuition why are women like this /b/ros?
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:29:24 No.853503414 > be me > meet this girl online > we hit it off. She's very nice, intelligent, beautiful... Or so I thought > She says she's bi and has had a girlfriend before > my intuition is telling me to drop 27 KB PNG her because double chances of cheating >I said "f--- it" and continued our relationship > ffw a month and she meets this lesbian > they've been talking a lot and I got jealous > youdonthaveanythingtoworryabout.jpeg >I open her insta and they've been flirting > I confront her, she breaks up with me > ffw a couple of weeks and they are now together > mfw I got cucked by someone that doesn't even have a c--- > mfw I could've avoided this if I listened to my intuition why are women like this /b/ros?

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Anon misses his brother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/23/17(Thu)23:59:16 No.751895601 You wake up and find out you're a kid again in whatever placed you lived in at age 10. It also turns out you have fairly oddparents that will grant you anything you desire, what will it be? 147 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/17(Fri)00:14:08 No.751896408 >>751895601 (OP) # I'd honestly wish for an afterlife to be 100% confirmed, for people who died in the past and thereafter. I just really want to see my brother again. I miss him. >751896478 # : Anonymous 11/24/17(Fri)00:15:15 No.751896478 >>751896408 # Haha that's f------ gay I'd wish for some huge ass t---
: Anonymous 11/23/17(Thu)23:59:16 No.751895601 You wake up and find out you're a kid again in whatever placed you lived in at age 10. It also turns out you have fairly oddparents that will grant you anything you desire, what will it be? 147 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/17(Fri)00:14:08 No.751896408 >>751895601 (OP) # I'd honestly wish for an afterlife to be 100% confirmed, for people who died in the past and thereafter. I just really want to see my brother again. I miss him. >751896478 # : Anonymous 11/24/17(Fri)00:15:15 No.751896478 >>751896408 # Haha that's f------ gay I'd wish for some huge ass t---

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travel story | /r/Greentext

File: btggf.jpg (124 KB, 586x886) O Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:09:28 No.853522388 >Be me >b/tard >Want to leave the basement for once >Decide to go on an adventure with my katana >Steal mommys credit card >Book flight to transylvania >Meet qt3.14 there >Compliments my fedora >Finally a woman of culture >Invites me to her house >Super creepy in the woods >Looks more like a castle >Tells me her 3 of her uncles live there >Don't care, just want to see big goth tiddies >She opens the front moat >As soon as I enter the she shuts door and locks it >Turns out one of her uncles is count Dracula >Other uncles are also counts >F---.jpg >Pull out katana >They laugh >Invite me to table and have some tendies and dew >Actually pretty chill dudes >Ask if I want to see the bat cave >Need to take the elevator down >Only big enough for one at a time >They let me go down first >After me count Dracula comes down >Then the second count comes down >Say that we should wait for the last count to join before we start the tour >Takes ages >Finally the last of the three counts steps out of the elevator >It's the final count down
File: btggf.jpg (124 KB, 586x886) O Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:09:28 No.853522388 >Be me >b/tard >Want to leave the basement for once >Decide to go on an adventure with my katana >Steal mommys credit card >Book flight to transylvania >Meet qt3.14 there >Compliments my fedora >Finally a woman of culture >Invites me to her house >Super creepy in the woods >Looks more like a castle >Tells me her 3 of her uncles live there >Don't care, just want to see big goth tiddies >She opens the front moat >As soon as I enter the she shuts door and locks it >Turns out one of her uncles is count Dracula >Other uncles are also counts >F---.jpg >Pull out katana >They laugh >Invite me to table and have some tendies and dew >Actually pretty chill dudes >Ask if I want to see the bat cave >Need to take the elevator down >Only big enough for one at a time >They let me go down first >After me count Dracula comes down >Then the second count comes down >Say that we should wait for the last count to join before we start the tour >Takes ages >Finally the last of the three counts steps out of the elevator >It's the final count down

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Anon is getting along with his roommates | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:50:47 No.853061729 Gayest thing you've ever done /b. I'll go first. >Be me, in college >have to share dorm with two other people. 144 KB JPG >a trans dude who never transitioned from girl to boy we'll call E and another dude we'll call H. >end of school year >me and H watching TV. >he puts his hand on my thigh >whatthefuckdudewhatareyoudoingplea semove.jpeg >H literally starts to j------- next to me. "I've always wanted to f--- you anon, even tho you're straight heh." "uhhhh, gee H, I don't know what to say." >H leans on my shoulder and starts to pull down PJ pants >shamefully hard. >H starts jacking ME off. >give in like a f-----. >E walks in to H jacking me and himself off. >find out he is a horny mess. >before I know it l'm having a threesome with two other f------. >we became a lot more relaxed about sexually related topics and actions around the dorm after that. You're turn
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:50:47 No.853061729 Gayest thing you've ever done /b. I'll go first. >Be me, in college >have to share dorm with two other people. 144 KB JPG >a trans dude who never transitioned from girl to boy we'll call E and another dude we'll call H. >end of school year >me and H watching TV. >he puts his hand on my thigh >whatthefuckdudewhatareyoudoingplea semove.jpeg >H literally starts to j------- next to me. "I've always wanted to f--- you anon, even tho you're straight heh." "uhhhh, gee H, I don't know what to say." >H leans on my shoulder and starts to pull down PJ pants >shamefully hard. >H starts jacking ME off. >give in like a f-----. >E walks in to H jacking me and himself off. >find out he is a horny mess. >before I know it l'm having a threesome with two other f------. >we became a lot more relaxed about sexually related topics and actions around the dorm after that. You're turn

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