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God is looking out for anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels, good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you
: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels, good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you

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Anon is cozy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)21:04:37 No.63503742 > Be me about 5 months ago > Cold as f--- outside. Snow and s---. > Go inside > Take a hot shower > Get dried off and make a glass of 63 KB JPG hot chocolate > Light fireplace > Sit down on couch and start playing vidya > Dog jumps up next to me and lays down > Life is good
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)21:04:37 No.63503742 > Be me about 5 months ago > Cold as f--- outside. Snow and s---. > Go inside > Take a hot shower > Get dried off and make a glass of 63 KB JPG hot chocolate > Light fireplace > Sit down on couch and start playing vidya > Dog jumps up next to me and lays down > Life is good

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Anon's bamboozling tendies experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)11:40:37 No.62729154 >be at the store >see some vegetarian tendies on sale >meh might as well try them heard they taste the same >go home and open the package >suddenly the window breaks as a m----- rolls in >its Joe f------ Rogan >"no vegan b------- eat wild game like a man" >he takes out a bow and shoots my cat >jumps me the moment i start to hesitate >jiujitsu grapples me and almost chokes me to death >i instinctively grasp for air >notice a bong in my mouth >"dimethyltryptamine will help you see the light" >get blasted into a dimension more real than this one >filled with Joe Rogans preaching and doing standup >the propaganda nightmare lasts for multiple lifetimes >wake up shivering and broken >cry and whisper to myself "we are all apes" >Joe Rogan nods >"nothing more productive than some long form conversation" >takes my dead cat and leaves This always happens after I started using Spotify
Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)11:40:37 No.62729154 >be at the store >see some vegetarian tendies on sale >meh might as well try them heard they taste the same >go home and open the package >suddenly the window breaks as a m----- rolls in >its Joe f------ Rogan >"no vegan b------- eat wild game like a man" >he takes out a bow and shoots my cat >jumps me the moment i start to hesitate >jiujitsu grapples me and almost chokes me to death >i instinctively grasp for air >notice a bong in my mouth >"dimethyltryptamine will help you see the light" >get blasted into a dimension more real than this one >filled with Joe Rogans preaching and doing standup >the propaganda nightmare lasts for multiple lifetimes >wake up shivering and broken >cry and whisper to myself "we are all apes" >Joe Rogan nods >"nothing more productive than some long form conversation" >takes my dead cat and leaves This always happens after I started using Spotify

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Society moment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)18:02:06 No.63492472 Please be patient I have autism be wheelchair user: >Go to job interview >"I can do everything this job requires of me I just need a wheelchair ramp" >No, sorry 42 KB JPG >Lawsuit Be aspie: >Go to job interview >"I can do everything this job requires of me I just need a quiet place to work by myself >No, sorry >That's just how it is Why is this acceptable? Us autists are truly the most oppressed people : Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)18:04:24 No.63492500 >>63492472 (OP) # No, gamers are. 189 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)18:02:06 No.63492472 Please be patient I have autism be wheelchair user: >Go to job interview >"I can do everything this job requires of me I just need a wheelchair ramp" >No, sorry 42 KB JPG >Lawsuit Be aspie: >Go to job interview >"I can do everything this job requires of me I just need a quiet place to work by myself >No, sorry >That's just how it is Why is this acceptable? Us autists are truly the most oppressed people : Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)18:04:24 No.63492500 >>63492472 (OP) # No, gamers are. 189 KB PNG

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"orea" dissolves | /r/Greentext

1603343108597.png (1.22 MB, 2560x1440) google yandex iqdb wait O Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)21:27:32 No.63492792 v >>63492801 >>63493784 >put oreo in mouth >oreo dissolves h-------- I will never crunch on an orea again O Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)21:28:27 No.63492801 v 1606891426777.gif (16 KB, 750x750) google yandex iqdb wait >>63492792 (OP) d-d-dissolved? This dude has pH 1 saliva.
1603343108597.png (1.22 MB, 2560x1440) google yandex iqdb wait O Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)21:27:32 No.63492792 v >>63492801 >>63493784 >put oreo in mouth >oreo dissolves h-------- I will never crunch on an orea again O Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)21:28:27 No.63492801 v 1606891426777.gif (16 KB, 750x750) google yandex iqdb wait >>63492792 (OP) d-d-dissolved? This dude has pH 1 saliva.

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Freedom units | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 9GnJ18h3)[I 05/03/21(Mon)04:04:44 No.12659694 >Farenheit >Imperial >Pounds >Feet >Inches >Americans 161 KB PNG 11 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: nk2sDDPC ) 05/03/21 (Mon)07:46:26 No.12660273 >>12659694 (OP) # > he can't handle freedom units
: Anonymous (ID: 9GnJ18h3)[I 05/03/21(Mon)04:04:44 No.12659694 >Farenheit >Imperial >Pounds >Feet >Inches >Americans 161 KB PNG 11 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: nk2sDDPC ) 05/03/21 (Mon)07:46:26 No.12660273 >>12659694 (OP) # > he can't handle freedom units

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Anon is boring | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous HOW THE F--- DO I TALK TO WOME(...) 05/03/21(Mon)10:29:10 No.63500162 >be me >never had a gf, gave up on women >plan suicide >out of nowhere, a woman actually gives me a chance >she isn't a landwhale and is fit and 449 KB PNG kind of hot >I haven't had friends, online friends or any interactions with women in the past 5 years >literally have nothing to talk about with her >incapable of having normal conversations >she says im boring >she still refuses to give up on me >mfw ITS F------ OVER 6 Replies View Thread : fred 05/03/21(Mon)10:32:31 No.63500202 >>63500162 (OP)# seethe and cope op, seethe and cope
: Anonymous HOW THE F--- DO I TALK TO WOME(...) 05/03/21(Mon)10:29:10 No.63500162 >be me >never had a gf, gave up on women >plan suicide >out of nowhere, a woman actually gives me a chance >she isn't a landwhale and is fit and 449 KB PNG kind of hot >I haven't had friends, online friends or any interactions with women in the past 5 years >literally have nothing to talk about with her >incapable of having normal conversations >she says im boring >she still refuses to give up on me >mfw ITS F------ OVER 6 Replies View Thread : fred 05/03/21(Mon)10:32:31 No.63500202 >>63500162 (OP)# seethe and cope op, seethe and cope

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Anon ignores a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)12:28:12 No.63498131 >girl flirts with me >annoyed because if she'll flirt with me she'll flirt with everyone else >ignore her 1.09 MB PNG 17 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)14:08:49 No.63498884 >>63498871 # that's obsession anon, get help or f--- a tran you know you want to
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)12:28:12 No.63498131 >girl flirts with me >annoyed because if she'll flirt with me she'll flirt with everyone else >ignore her 1.09 MB PNG 17 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)14:08:49 No.63498884 >>63498871 # that's obsession anon, get help or f--- a tran you know you want to

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Anon sees a greentext | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)15:47:26 No.853545099 >see a funny greentext once >find out theres a website full of them >check /b for a bit >expect funny stories/memes >its just p--- >p--- everywhere 203 KB PNG >not even good p--- >what the f--- is this place >somehow get addicted to it is this how all of you started?
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)15:47:26 No.853545099 >see a funny greentext once >find out theres a website full of them >check /b for a bit >expect funny stories/memes >its just p--- >p--- everywhere 203 KB PNG >not even good p--- >what the f--- is this place >somehow get addicted to it is this how all of you started?

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Anon doesn't believe in microwaves | /r/Greentext

59m (5/2 22:38) · 853492735 13 Re · 0 Img · JPG 27KB (500 × 500) 4 Replies >no fire >spinny plate >mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm >??? >ding >food hot Don't tell me you retards actually believe this s--- •..
59m (5/2 22:38) · 853492735 13 Re · 0 Img · JPG 27KB (500 × 500) 4 Replies >no fire >spinny plate >mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm >??? >ding >food hot Don't tell me you retards actually believe this s--- •..

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Anon performs CPR | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21 (Mon)19:40:07 No.853551292 >be me, average looking, maybe 6.5-7/10 CROCE RSA >training to become EMT >today.json >in school the teacher asks me to show to my classmates basic emergency procedures, CPR, the 122 KB JPG likes >everyone sits on a circle with me at the center >i need a volunteer that acts as a victim >qt3.14 shows up, petite, curly blonde, blue eyes, 8.5/10 >"i can be the test dummy, anon" >ok.jpeg >teacher tells me to perform the correct procedure, how to place the hands, etc >"do it anon, i don't have any problems with that" >put hands on her chest >my hands are big, i touch the whole tiddie >her tiddies fit perfectly in my hand, they're small, soft and firm >everyone looking and joking >am considered a chad now I got to touch some tiddies, /b/!
: Anonymous 05/03/21 (Mon)19:40:07 No.853551292 >be me, average looking, maybe 6.5-7/10 CROCE RSA >training to become EMT >today.json >in school the teacher asks me to show to my classmates basic emergency procedures, CPR, the 122 KB JPG likes >everyone sits on a circle with me at the center >i need a volunteer that acts as a victim >qt3.14 shows up, petite, curly blonde, blue eyes, 8.5/10 >"i can be the test dummy, anon" >ok.jpeg >teacher tells me to perform the correct procedure, how to place the hands, etc >"do it anon, i don't have any problems with that" >put hands on her chest >my hands are big, i touch the whole tiddie >her tiddies fit perfectly in my hand, they're small, soft and firm >everyone looking and joking >am considered a chad now I got to touch some tiddies, /b/!

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Hold on to these moments | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/21 (Wed)19:36:28 No.62896081 >girl in 11th grade once said I have pretty eyebrows and the girl next to her agreed >still remember it to this day 195 KB PNG
: Anonymous 03/24/21 (Wed)19:36:28 No.62896081 >girl in 11th grade once said I have pretty eyebrows and the girl next to her agreed >still remember it to this day 195 KB PNG

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Spare the rod, spoil the child | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:30:28 No.63499062 >be me, 19 >visit binland with mom and dad >dad invites me to go to sauna together >dicklet, so a bit hesitant at first >it's probably genetics anyway hahaha, he's probably as small as 28 KB JPG me >walk in >stop dead upon seeing his huge f------ d--- >tfw it's already bigger than mine HARD, both in length and girth >Dad stares back, a stunned expression of disappointment on his face >he opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind >spend the next 5 minutes in complete silence
Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:30:28 No.63499062 >be me, 19 >visit binland with mom and dad >dad invites me to go to sauna together >dicklet, so a bit hesitant at first >it's probably genetics anyway hahaha, he's probably as small as 28 KB JPG me >walk in >stop dead upon seeing his huge f------ d--- >tfw it's already bigger than mine HARD, both in length and girth >Dad stares back, a stunned expression of disappointment on his face >he opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind >spend the next 5 minutes in complete silence

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Anon is having a blast | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)10:24:42 No.852675583 Good Thread >21, last Semester of Uni, History Student >Currently trying to get my Bachelorsdegree >Chose to write my final assignment about the Vietnam war 9 KB JPG and the Press politic >Really interested in the subject >Read a lot, also get in touch with the music of that era. >Get really zoomed in, listen to a lot of nam Songs, cuz I start to like them (gimme shelter, The reaper, Time of the season etc.) >Actually f------ great music, keeps my mind off the Rona misery >Having a blast, thanks Vietnam War :) 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)10:24:42 No.852675583 Good Thread >21, last Semester of Uni, History Student >Currently trying to get my Bachelorsdegree >Chose to write my final assignment about the Vietnam war 9 KB JPG and the Press politic >Really interested in the subject >Read a lot, also get in touch with the music of that era. >Get really zoomed in, listen to a lot of nam Songs, cuz I start to like them (gimme shelter, The reaper, Time of the season etc.) >Actually f------ great music, keeps my mind off the Rona misery >Having a blast, thanks Vietnam War :) 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon is a bartender | /r/Greentext

File: A62CB72F-D410-4EEC-BE4A-B(...).jpg (217 KB, 828x734) O Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)10:23:47 No.853546739 [Reply] >Work at a bar at a beach resort in Florida >Kid comes up (probably about 15 or 16) and asks for a piña colada >Me: "virgin?" >Him: "nah I play football" What did that even mean?
File: A62CB72F-D410-4EEC-BE4A-B(...).jpg (217 KB, 828x734) O Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)10:23:47 No.853546739 [Reply] >Work at a bar at a beach resort in Florida >Kid comes up (probably about 15 or 16) and asks for a piña colada >Me: "virgin?" >Him: "nah I play football" What did that even mean?

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Anon is constipated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous help 05/03/21(Mon)07:29:07 No.24080491 uh oh.jpg 58 KB JPG >havent pooped in 3 days i guess this is goodbye
: Anonymous help 05/03/21(Mon)07:29:07 No.24080491 uh oh.jpg 58 KB JPG >havent pooped in 3 days i guess this is goodbye

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Anon likes ducks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I like ducks 05/02/21(Sun)23:44:12 No.63488597 >me and a duck >happy 69 KB PNG
: Anonymous I like ducks 05/02/21(Sun)23:44:12 No.63488597 >me and a duck >happy 69 KB PNG

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Anon has been cursed with knowledge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:27:15 No.853531181 >theres a fetish for detachable body parts 19 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:27:15 No.853531181 >theres a fetish for detachable body parts 19 KB JPG

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Anon moves to Poland | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" 7 KB JPG > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities" Pic Related
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" 7 KB JPG > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities" Pic Related

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Anon gets a reality check | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)06:21:58 No.63494837 >try taking pic >accidently turn to front camera i am traumatized 58 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)06:21:58 No.63494837 >try taking pic >accidently turn to front camera i am traumatized 58 KB JPG

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