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Anon fucked up big time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/18(Tue)10:46:25 No.763253195 i f----- up big time boys >be me happily married for 6 years >wife and i call eachother cute pet names more than our real names >introduce us both at a function >"i'm anon and this is my wife...uh..." >sweetfuckingchrist.jpeg 58 KB JPG >tfw i don't remember her name >mfw she's making me sleep in the backyard how do i recover guys please help me
: Anonymous 03/20/18(Tue)10:46:25 No.763253195 i f----- up big time boys >be me happily married for 6 years >wife and i call eachother cute pet names more than our real names >introduce us both at a function >"i'm anon and this is my wife...uh..." >sweetfuckingchrist.jpeg 58 KB JPG >tfw i don't remember her name >mfw she's making me sleep in the backyard how do i recover guys please help me

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Anon thinks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Wz+crcd+ 04/17/19(Wed)05:40:40 No.7873168 >legal drinking/smoking/gambling age is 18 >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons >all police departments have required civilian oversight 21 KB JPG Is this the true land of the free? 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: Wz+crcd+ 04/17/19(Wed)05:40:40 No.7873168 >legal drinking/smoking/gambling age is 18 >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons >all police departments have required civilian oversight 21 KB JPG Is this the true land of the free? 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is a wagie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)09:51:35 No.63544548 But if we crash the economy we will both drown" said the frog "lol" said the scorpion, "Imao" Untitled 17_20210131140506.png 251 KB PNG >working fast food >Run out of bananas >Manager send me to walmart "buy five bananas" >Buy five bananas >Get yelled at because he wanted 5 hands of bananas.
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)09:51:35 No.63544548 But if we crash the economy we will both drown" said the frog "lol" said the scorpion, "Imao" Untitled 17_20210131140506.png 251 KB PNG >working fast food >Run out of bananas >Manager send me to walmart "buy five bananas" >Buy five bananas >Get yelled at because he wanted 5 hands of bananas.

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Anon goes through a cowboy phase | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 44050343 2 hr. ago >tfw i went through a cowboy phase >become obsessed with movies like The Searchers, Unforgiven and True Grit >actually wore a cowboy hat and a long leather trench coat to high school >would chew a tooth pick and tip my hat at girls 17.9 kB PNG
Anonymous | 44050343 2 hr. ago >tfw i went through a cowboy phase >become obsessed with movies like The Searchers, Unforgiven and True Grit >actually wore a cowboy hat and a long leather trench coat to high school >would chew a tooth pick and tip my hat at girls 17.9 kB PNG

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Anon gets a good nights sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like I'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no
: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like I'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no

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Anon is a cool guy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)08:43:43 No.63531495 >use discord fort the first time >after I am done playing with old friends and relatives decide to keep it open >start hentai JRPG vore game multiple times.. >at some time figure out it always showed in my status when I was playing 46 KB JPG this game
: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)08:43:43 No.63531495 >use discord fort the first time >after I am done playing with old friends and relatives decide to keep it open >start hentai JRPG vore game multiple times.. >at some time figure out it always showed in my status when I was playing 46 KB JPG this game

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Rinse Repeat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)18:12:29 No.853711133 >open /b/ >hide every p--- thread >finally find good thread >tab out and look for another thread >go back to tabbed thread >"this thread has been pruned or 327 KB GIF deleted" >refresh b >more p--- threads >repeat 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)18:12:29 No.853711133 >open /b/ >hide every p--- thread >finally find good thread >tab out and look for another thread >go back to tabbed thread >"this thread has been pruned or 327 KB GIF deleted" >refresh b >more p--- threads >repeat 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is the First Lady. | /r/Greentext

File: First lady jpg (30 KB, 348x527) O Anonymous (ID: 3LETK53W 2 01/20/17(Fri)12:59:42 No. 108047628 [Reply] >be me >literal gold digger >just want a nice life without having to work >marry rich guy just for the cash >he's upset with the state of the country >decides to run for president >yeahright.jpeg >he starts doing well >mfw he actually gets elected >mfw I'm the first lady of the United states of America
File: First lady jpg (30 KB, 348x527) O Anonymous (ID: 3LETK53W 2 01/20/17(Fri)12:59:42 No. 108047628 [Reply] >be me >literal gold digger >just want a nice life without having to work >marry rich guy just for the cash >he's upset with the state of the country >decides to run for president >yeahright.jpeg >he starts doing well >mfw he actually gets elected >mfw I'm the first lady of the United states of America

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It’s been 150 days since this was posted on December 8 2019 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/19(Sat)00:01:17 No.795089854 >Be me >Redditfag >goes on r/greentext >sort by top posts of all time >find first post that's older than 150 days >take a screen shot of the image 12 KB JPG >post on r/greentext >get over 30k upvotes >mfw I have more karma than 90% of other redditors
: Anonymous 03/16/19(Sat)00:01:17 No.795089854 >Be me >Redditfag >goes on r/greentext >sort by top posts of all time >find first post that's older than 150 days >take a screen shot of the image 12 KB JPG >post on r/greentext >get over 30k upvotes >mfw I have more karma than 90% of other redditors

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anon is dealt a bad hand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)23:24:16 No.853756416 >one shot at life >circumcised 120 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)23:24:16 No.853756416 >one shot at life >circumcised 120 KB JPG

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Anon’s cat is the best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today
: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today

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Anon gets pulled over | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)07:08:30 No.63542359 >tfw had to strip down infront of airport security because i had a metal chasity cage on 7 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)07:08:30 No.63542359 >tfw had to strip down infront of airport security because i had a metal chasity cage on 7 KB JPG

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Anon appreciates grandma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous grandparents are the best 04/04/21(Sun)22:02:29 No.63055779 >be me >go to megalibral college so everyone is scared of virus and cant meet people >classes canceled too, between that and the fact l'm a freshman I 21 KB JPG have prob 2 friends >easter rolls around I'm just doing some homework >get a call from grandma "hey anon wanna come over? we got some candy for you" >go over and get chocolate bunny from them >eating the bunny and browsing the web, feel a little less lonely take care of your grandparents if you have them still anons
: Anonymous grandparents are the best 04/04/21(Sun)22:02:29 No.63055779 >be me >go to megalibral college so everyone is scared of virus and cant meet people >classes canceled too, between that and the fact l'm a freshman I 21 KB JPG have prob 2 friends >easter rolls around I'm just doing some homework >get a call from grandma "hey anon wanna come over? we got some candy for you" >go over and get chocolate bunny from them >eating the bunny and browsing the web, feel a little less lonely take care of your grandparents if you have them still anons

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Anon ruins a marriage | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/21(Tue)20:31:08 No.853659231 >be me >be arguing with friend online >calls me a monkey cuz brown >call him a F.A.S Baby >wait >look up fetal alcohol syndrome 129 KB JPG appearance >has all of the facial features >take the piss out of him for it then don't think about it for a few hours >sends him the link for the symptoms of F.A.S >mfw he finds out he has F.A.S >mfw his relationship with his parents is f------ ruined >mfw i realize i might be the reason for a divorce i f----- up big time bros
: Anonymous 05/04/21(Tue)20:31:08 No.853659231 >be me >be arguing with friend online >calls me a monkey cuz brown >call him a F.A.S Baby >wait >look up fetal alcohol syndrome 129 KB JPG appearance >has all of the facial features >take the piss out of him for it then don't think about it for a few hours >sends him the link for the symptoms of F.A.S >mfw he finds out he has F.A.S >mfw his relationship with his parents is f------ ruined >mfw i realize i might be the reason for a divorce i f----- up big time bros

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Anon learns a life lesson | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)17:40:26 No.62967087 >stopped wearing retainer for 2 weeks >teeth shifted back and can no longer fit retainer 2 years of progress undone in 2 C- weeks 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)17:42:47 No.62967116 >>62967087 (OP) # >2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks thats life
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)17:40:26 No.62967087 >stopped wearing retainer for 2 weeks >teeth shifted back and can no longer fit retainer 2 years of progress undone in 2 C- weeks 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)17:42:47 No.62967116 >>62967087 (OP) # >2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks thats life

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Anon goes on family feud | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 D »118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says.." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end
family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 D »118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says.." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon dies young | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)22:57:18 No.853730171 KEK 20-21 sQ.15 F.1929 kek.jpg 113 KB JPG >be me >rocking out with my rich pharaoh parents along the Nile >doing kid crap, causing trouble with the gods >die young and parents toss me in shallow grave >dug up hundreds of years later >Egyptians tag me as the "KEK" kid >pic related
: Anonymous 05/05/21(Wed)22:57:18 No.853730171 KEK 20-21 sQ.15 F.1929 kek.jpg 113 KB JPG >be me >rocking out with my rich pharaoh parents along the Nile >doing kid crap, causing trouble with the gods >die young and parents toss me in shallow grave >dug up hundreds of years later >Egyptians tag me as the "KEK" kid >pic related

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Anon goes to the club | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)19:28:59 No.50517462 >Oh, s---, whats good Anon! I didn't know you were coming out to the club tonight! 69 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)19:30:05 No.50517481 >>50517462 (OP)# >haha what's up my n-----
: Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)19:28:59 No.50517462 >Oh, s---, whats good Anon! I didn't know you were coming out to the club tonight! 69 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)19:30:05 No.50517481 >>50517462 (OP)# >haha what's up my n-----

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When reality hits Anon... | /r/Greentext

>be me >24yo anon >meet girl on tinder >she's super cute >possiblegf.jpeg >not sure what a 9/10 is 59 KB PNG doing with me >i'm a total 3/10 >have amazing sex >afterwards ask her what my appeal was >"oh my stepdad was really fat so it's sort of my fetish" >mfw
>be me >24yo anon >meet girl on tinder >she's super cute >possiblegf.jpeg >not sure what a 9/10 is 59 KB PNG doing with me >i'm a total 3/10 >have amazing sex >afterwards ask her what my appeal was >"oh my stepdad was really fat so it's sort of my fetish" >mfw

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Anon is a mastermind | /r/Greentext

6m (5/6 1:28) · 853737051 >>853728431 (OP) >Be me, like 6 or something >"Go outside anon" says mom >ok >gotta poop 15 minutes in >gotta stay outside until it starts getting dark >look at car parked outside >examine the bird poop on windshield >idea.jpeg >take off pants >dump brown toddler sized load all over windshield >some liquid s--- leaks down into the crease between the windshield and hood >pull pants back up, unwiped, and turn around to see my creation >theywillnevertellthedifference.gif >get beating that would make slaves shiver
6m (5/6 1:28) · 853737051 >>853728431 (OP) >Be me, like 6 or something >"Go outside anon" says mom >ok >gotta poop 15 minutes in >gotta stay outside until it starts getting dark >look at car parked outside >examine the bird poop on windshield >idea.jpeg >take off pants >dump brown toddler sized load all over windshield >some liquid s--- leaks down into the crease between the windshield and hood >pull pants back up, unwiped, and turn around to see my creation >theywillnevertellthedifference.gif >get beating that would make slaves shiver

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