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anon got a critical hit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)19:43:23 No.554686786 File: 1617048593725.jpg (6 KB, 236x285) >vending machine stole a dollar >smack the machine on the side >critical hit >all the snacks fall down
Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)19:43:23 No.554686786 File: 1617048593725.jpg (6 KB, 236x285) >vending machine stole a dollar >smack the machine on the side >critical hit >all the snacks fall down

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Anon is abusing a tranny. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)20:08:58 No.853872049 >be me >14 >playing cricket in gym class >balls thrown at trans kid >didn't catch it >friend said "at least try next time you f------ t-----" >trans kid just stood there and started 8 KB JPG to cry >l fell to the floor laughing >my teacher screamed at us both and we got put in exclusion all day >it was put into our permanent records as "LGBTQ abuse and harassment"
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)20:08:58 No.853872049 >be me >14 >playing cricket in gym class >balls thrown at trans kid >didn't catch it >friend said "at least try next time you f------ t-----" >trans kid just stood there and started 8 KB JPG to cry >l fell to the floor laughing >my teacher screamed at us both and we got put in exclusion all day >it was put into our permanent records as "LGBTQ abuse and harassment"

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Anon recall halloween | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ? 10/31/18(Wed)18:44:49 No.6799421 >1993 >older boy in neighborhood is always playing pranks >Halloween night he puts out huge bowl of candy >bowl sits in chair in the center of the yard with a sign that reads "please take only one piece" >kid hides in house upstairs with the lights off >spends night shooting at people who take more than one piece with a BB gun from a cracked open second story window.
: Anonymous ? 10/31/18(Wed)18:44:49 No.6799421 >1993 >older boy in neighborhood is always playing pranks >Halloween night he puts out huge bowl of candy >bowl sits in chair in the center of the yard with a sign that reads "please take only one piece" >kid hides in house upstairs with the lights off >spends night shooting at people who take more than one piece with a BB gun from a cracked open second story window.

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Anon has a weird body | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)08:14:31 No.853856286 >be me RS >struggle keeping a decent sleep schedule Ci get on a normal schedule >keep at it for a good few days >feel energetic early in the morning and >finally after weeks of training my body 32 KB JPG sleepy at around 9pm every night| >start feeling drowsy at around 2pm one day "Ive got work in a few hours, and l've been doing good at sleeping at normal times recently. Might as well treat myself to a short power nap" >take half hour nap at mid day >l've now been wide awake for 32 hours straight Why is my body like this?
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)08:14:31 No.853856286 >be me RS >struggle keeping a decent sleep schedule Ci get on a normal schedule >keep at it for a good few days >feel energetic early in the morning and >finally after weeks of training my body 32 KB JPG sleepy at around 9pm every night| >start feeling drowsy at around 2pm one day "Ive got work in a few hours, and l've been doing good at sleeping at normal times recently. Might as well treat myself to a short power nap" >take half hour nap at mid day >l've now been wide awake for 32 hours straight Why is my body like this?

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I can fit 13 crumpets up my ass | /r/Greentext

Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your 47 KB JPG sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife
Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your 47 KB JPG sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife

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Anon forgets that gamers like tards | /r/Greentext

12/11/18(Tue)00:32:50 No.49786155 Anonymous lel >play csgo >really good at game but no one adds me >send friend requests >never get befriended pic unrelated but wanted to give something in return for your ears 178 KB JPG >try small talk >get ignored >chad brother comes over to apt >"got any games on your pc?" >boot up csgo for him >does horrible in the competitive match >just spends his game laughing while dying >and talking s--- >name calling >blaming team mates Next day in the morning I see I got 7 friend requests from the people he was playing with
12/11/18(Tue)00:32:50 No.49786155 Anonymous lel >play csgo >really good at game but no one adds me >send friend requests >never get befriended pic unrelated but wanted to give something in return for your ears 178 KB JPG >try small talk >get ignored >chad brother comes over to apt >"got any games on your pc?" >boot up csgo for him >does horrible in the competitive match >just spends his game laughing while dying >and talking s--- >name calling >blaming team mates Next day in the morning I see I got 7 friend requests from the people he was playing with

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> thought i had to eat the whole thing | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:11:53 No.8771033 >two weeks ago >make thread asking how to eat these >today >Can't stop eating these Why did you uncage this demon 2.79 MB JPG 18 Replies /1 Image View Thread Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:13:07 No.8771037 >asking how to eat sunflower seeds are you more stupid than a bird
Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:11:53 No.8771033 >two weeks ago >make thread asking how to eat these >today >Can't stop eating these Why did you uncage this demon 2.79 MB JPG 18 Replies /1 Image View Thread Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:13:07 No.8771037 >asking how to eat sunflower seeds are you more stupid than a bird

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OP finds a possum | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/27/13(Wed)05:01 No.55852 >be 16 >hear dogs obviously attacking something in back yard >go out and get them to leave it alone >oh s--- it's a bloody 33 KB PNG >think Its dead, go to put it in garbage >notice Its still breathing >decide to put it out of it's misery >grab a broken skateboard and smash it over it's head unssod >possum starts convulsing >oh god why aren't you dying >keep beating it >feel like Christopher bale killing Jared letto In American psycho >it finally dies >check the body and see the dogs barely scratched It >mfw I remember possums play dead
Anonymous 03/27/13(Wed)05:01 No.55852 >be 16 >hear dogs obviously attacking something in back yard >go out and get them to leave it alone >oh s--- it's a bloody 33 KB PNG >think Its dead, go to put it in garbage >notice Its still breathing >decide to put it out of it's misery >grab a broken skateboard and smash it over it's head unssod >possum starts convulsing >oh god why aren't you dying >keep beating it >feel like Christopher bale killing Jared letto In American psycho >it finally dies >check the body and see the dogs barely scratched It >mfw I remember possums play dead

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Anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/17(Fri)14:19:33 No.3806115 >teacher assigns you a female partner >she is visibly upset >38061228 # >>38061362 # >>38061387 # >>38062246 # >>38062251 # >>38063036 # >>38063288 # >>38063910 # >>38064091 #
: Anonymous 06/30/17(Fri)14:19:33 No.3806115 >teacher assigns you a female partner >she is visibly upset >38061228 # >>38061362 # >>38061387 # >>38062246 # >>38062251 # >>38063036 # >>38063288 # >>38063910 # >>38064091 #

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Anon is gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No. 49384163 (3 m) >be me >have one shot at life >born gay in iran mfw PNG 429.57 KB
Anonymous No. 49384163 (3 m) >be me >have one shot at life >born gay in iran mfw PNG 429.57 KB

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Anon Hustles | /r/Greentext

04/27/21(Tue)19:05:05 No.6341537: >Go on Onlyfans >Tip for 500$ worth of personal content >Open bank dispute once girl sends content >Get money back and resell her content to simps
04/27/21(Tue)19:05:05 No.6341537: >Go on Onlyfans >Tip for 500$ worth of personal content >Open bank dispute once girl sends content >Get money back and resell her content to simps

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Anon is bad in real life | /r/Greentext

E500C3AB-FCBD-4C06-B75F-F3DC53E35607.png 58 KB PNG >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"
E500C3AB-FCBD-4C06-B75F-F3DC53E35607.png 58 KB PNG >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"

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Anon makes a big splash | /r/Greentext


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Anon is nostalgic | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets saved | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes 83 KB PNG because they found a way to reproduce without us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown
Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes 83 KB PNG because they found a way to reproduce without us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown

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Anon slept with the whole class | /r/Greentext

>be me >taking standardized test >after test we are given the option to sleep >take a nap 7 KB JPG >i just slept with all the girls in my class >see ya later virgins
>be me >taking standardized test >after test we are given the option to sleep >take a nap 7 KB JPG >i just slept with all the girls in my class >see ya later virgins

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Anon goes to a farm | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MEW meant to say c--- > MEW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:38:06 No.530996935 this thread is a good thread
Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MEW meant to say c--- > MEW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:38:06 No.530996935 this thread is a good thread

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This does put a smile in my face | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 54 >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff >this
| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 54 >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff >this

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Anon plays spin the bottle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:48:41 No.783847597 >be me >playing spin the bottle >lands on girl and I kiss her >later go home and suck my own d--- >by transitive property she gave me a b------ 88 KB JPG see you later virgins 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:49:50 No.783847665 >>783847597 (OP) # loser
: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:48:41 No.783847597 >be me >playing spin the bottle >lands on girl and I kiss her >later go home and suck my own d--- >by transitive property she gave me a b------ 88 KB JPG see you later virgins 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:49:50 No.783847665 >>783847597 (OP) # loser

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Anon loses all his friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/24/18(Thu)10:22:07 No.769499299 Look, if you had one shot, or one Hey /b/, when did you realize you're a retard? opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, >be me one moment Would you apture it r just >sophomore in high school let it slip? >some guy during p.e. had a heart attack during some running s--- >guy died 55 KB JPG >the next day they tell everyone if you knew him or feel like you need time to grieve you can spend as long as needed in the cafeteria. >i didn't know him but i pretended i did to get out of class. >see my friends in the cafeteria >figure they did the same thing >"whats up guys? Getting out of class too?" >they stare at me but say nothing >"good thing he died, i hate math" >said it louder than i meant >everyone heard me >"anon... w--?" >everyone staring at me with the angriest faces I've seen I panicked and ran back to class, only to break down and get sent back to the cafeteria. All my friends stopped talking to me from then on.
: Anonymous 05/24/18(Thu)10:22:07 No.769499299 Look, if you had one shot, or one Hey /b/, when did you realize you're a retard? opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, >be me one moment Would you apture it r just >sophomore in high school let it slip? >some guy during p.e. had a heart attack during some running s--- >guy died 55 KB JPG >the next day they tell everyone if you knew him or feel like you need time to grieve you can spend as long as needed in the cafeteria. >i didn't know him but i pretended i did to get out of class. >see my friends in the cafeteria >figure they did the same thing >"whats up guys? Getting out of class too?" >they stare at me but say nothing >"good thing he died, i hate math" >said it louder than i meant >everyone heard me >"anon... w--?" >everyone staring at me with the angriest faces I've seen I panicked and ran back to class, only to break down and get sent back to the cafeteria. All my friends stopped talking to me from then on.

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