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Anon is a serial shitter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 So it's been you at UVA m-----------?
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 So it's been you at UVA m-----------?

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Anon does a self-experiment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/20(Thu)01:49:35 No.57144925 CLASSICAL CONDITIONING BEFORE CONDITIONING neutral unconditioned stimulus stimulus DURING CONDITIONING AFTER CONDITIONING conditioned stimulus healthline Pavlovs-conditioning-01-1296x1080.jpg 71 KB JPG >Be fatass >Read about Patlov's dogs >Use classical conditioning to make myself associate junk food with pain by pulling a rubber band on my arm whenever I think of junk food >Need to get myself to associate healthy food with pleasure >Start jacking off to pictures of fruit to accomplish this >Now sexually attracted to fruit Guys I didn't even lose any f------ weight and now I can't get off without looking at apples and pears or some s---. Wft do I do? I don't know who else to ask about this.
: Anonymous 08/27/20(Thu)01:49:35 No.57144925 CLASSICAL CONDITIONING BEFORE CONDITIONING neutral unconditioned stimulus stimulus DURING CONDITIONING AFTER CONDITIONING conditioned stimulus healthline Pavlovs-conditioning-01-1296x1080.jpg 71 KB JPG >Be fatass >Read about Patlov's dogs >Use classical conditioning to make myself associate junk food with pain by pulling a rubber band on my arm whenever I think of junk food >Need to get myself to associate healthy food with pleasure >Start jacking off to pictures of fruit to accomplish this >Now sexually attracted to fruit Guys I didn't even lose any f------ weight and now I can't get off without looking at apples and pears or some s---. Wft do I do? I don't know who else to ask about this.

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Anon rests | /r/Greentext

>be today >be Australian >Woke up sick >Call work to let them know I can't come in >"Yeahnoworries.mate" 9 KB PNG >contact local GP >Appointment free and same day because subsidised social healthcare >Paid sick leave because strong labour movement that guarantees working rights >Now nobody at work will catch my cold. >Food for customers not contaminated by my cold. >Company doesn't lose money because my sick leave is government subsidised >All bills continue to be paid on time, my day is stress-free because I have time to relax and recover. Today is yet another day l'm glad l'm not an American.
>be today >be Australian >Woke up sick >Call work to let them know I can't come in >"Yeahnoworries.mate" 9 KB PNG >contact local GP >Appointment free and same day because subsidised social healthcare >Paid sick leave because strong labour movement that guarantees working rights >Now nobody at work will catch my cold. >Food for customers not contaminated by my cold. >Company doesn't lose money because my sick leave is government subsidised >All bills continue to be paid on time, my day is stress-free because I have time to relax and recover. Today is yet another day l'm glad l'm not an American.

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Anon is a mastermind | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 5LNU3RNK ) E 06/22/19(Sat)10:34:49 No.217104587 >>217101455 (OP) # >neighbor puts house up for sale >grow out grass and throw trash on the lawn >buy a s----- car, leave it on blocks in the driveway 81 KB JPG >buy neighbor's house for a steal >cut grass, clean up trash, scrap car >sell neighbor's house >mfw 40% profit
: Anonymous (ID: 5LNU3RNK ) E 06/22/19(Sat)10:34:49 No.217104587 >>217101455 (OP) # >neighbor puts house up for sale >grow out grass and throw trash on the lawn >buy a s----- car, leave it on blocks in the driveway 81 KB JPG >buy neighbor's house for a steal >cut grass, clean up trash, scrap car >sell neighbor's house >mfw 40% profit

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Anon on annoying Youtubers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)22:04:31 No.62494875 >start up a YT video >"WHAT IS UP YALL?!" >closes video 15 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)22:11:05 No.62494957 >>62494875 (OP)# >start a YT video >"dont forget to like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell" >"follow me on twitter and instagram" >"oh dont forget to subscribe to my patreon for more content" >"and use my referral link to get 50% off faggotshare" >"and pay for my college loans, hospital bills, car insurance, taxes..."
: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)22:04:31 No.62494875 >start up a YT video >"WHAT IS UP YALL?!" >closes video 15 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)22:11:05 No.62494957 >>62494875 (OP)# >start a YT video >"dont forget to like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell" >"follow me on twitter and instagram" >"oh dont forget to subscribe to my patreon for more content" >"and use my referral link to get 50% off faggotshare" >"and pay for my college loans, hospital bills, car insurance, taxes..."

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Anon is a 4chanate one | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)10:45:56 No.853096777 AC7FD7BA-AFDD-4D30-A4E7-16FA9E8C717D.jpg 214 KB JPG >it be me! >it be me! I am a 4chanate son, yeah!
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)10:45:56 No.853096777 AC7FD7BA-AFDD-4D30-A4E7-16FA9E8C717D.jpg 214 KB JPG >it be me! >it be me! I am a 4chanate son, yeah!

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Anon is very generous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)11:16:11 No.853912908 >be me, waiter at a popular place around town >Boomer customers berating me for things that aren't my fault >been doing this s--- too long >write down their credit card 144 KB JPG information >l bring a notebook to work Iuse for orders and notes >have about 100 credit card numbers and info saved from the last 6 months of COVID KARENS >anyone want some free s---? : Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)11:34:21 No.853913983 Sure would love a drone
: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)11:16:11 No.853912908 >be me, waiter at a popular place around town >Boomer customers berating me for things that aren't my fault >been doing this s--- too long >write down their credit card 144 KB JPG information >l bring a notebook to work Iuse for orders and notes >have about 100 credit card numbers and info saved from the last 6 months of COVID KARENS >anyone want some free s---? : Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)11:34:21 No.853913983 Sure would love a drone

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Anon is smart caveman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)17:55:17 No.63067891 >Be me >Find berry >Tell unga to eat berry >Unga eat berry >Unga fall suddenly >Unga sleep for 3 moons >Unga still sleep 180 KB JPG >Not sure if berry safe
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)17:55:17 No.63067891 >Be me >Find berry >Tell unga to eat berry >Unga eat berry >Unga fall suddenly >Unga sleep for 3 moons >Unga still sleep 180 KB JPG >Not sure if berry safe

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Anon appreciates his parents | /r/Greentext

pпymous nt appreciation thread? '(...) 12/26/18(Wed)23:50:29 No.50067666 >be me >be 14 >be Christmas Day >come from working class family, not expecting too much oo >see a s--- ton of presents all for 8 кВ PNG me >my mum says they're all basically stocking filler and that I won't like them very much >it turns out I actually love them and they are super cool presents >they also signed me up to a one year subscription to a thing like loot crate >be really happy >realise they probably worked super hard to get me all those things >help them out with dinner and things >play games and have fun with them all day Christmas was one of the happiest days of my life because I realised how much my parents truly loved me. I'm sure all your parents love you as well
pпymous nt appreciation thread? '(...) 12/26/18(Wed)23:50:29 No.50067666 >be me >be 14 >be Christmas Day >come from working class family, not expecting too much oo >see a s--- ton of presents all for 8 кВ PNG me >my mum says they're all basically stocking filler and that I won't like them very much >it turns out I actually love them and they are super cool presents >they also signed me up to a one year subscription to a thing like loot crate >be really happy >realise they probably worked super hard to get me all those things >help them out with dinner and things >play games and have fun with them all day Christmas was one of the happiest days of my life because I realised how much my parents truly loved me. I'm sure all your parents love you as well

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Anon is oblivious. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 05/06/21(Thu)18:00:00 No.63554256 >had handfull of friends througgh highschool >move to college >been here almost year and havent met a single person 25 KB JPG what happened anons : Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)18:01:41 No.63554283 >>63554256 (OP) # covid retard >>63555394 #
: Anonymous E 05/06/21(Thu)18:00:00 No.63554256 >had handfull of friends througgh highschool >move to college >been here almost year and havent met a single person 25 KB JPG what happened anons : Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)18:01:41 No.63554283 >>63554256 (OP) # covid retard >>63555394 #

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Anon travels to Sweden | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why are Scandis such jerks? 05/06/21(Thu)18:27:01 No.144440108 >Be me SCANDINAVIANS >23 upper middle class American tourist >Walking in Stockholm (City in Sweden, the Capital IIRC) >l trip over their sidewalk >Bust my lip, the tears start flowing out >Pack of Scandi women walk to me >"Are you okay", one of them asks (10/10 IMPUDENCE 35 KB JPG blonde hair, blue eyes, and a big ass) >l stop crying for five seconds to try and score some points with her >"I might not be from Ikea, but I belong in your bedroom" >She gets angry, hits me, and calls me a fatty (I'm around 320 lbs) Why are they like this? Who hurt them?
: Anonymous Why are Scandis such jerks? 05/06/21(Thu)18:27:01 No.144440108 >Be me SCANDINAVIANS >23 upper middle class American tourist >Walking in Stockholm (City in Sweden, the Capital IIRC) >l trip over their sidewalk >Bust my lip, the tears start flowing out >Pack of Scandi women walk to me >"Are you okay", one of them asks (10/10 IMPUDENCE 35 KB JPG blonde hair, blue eyes, and a big ass) >l stop crying for five seconds to try and score some points with her >"I might not be from Ikea, but I belong in your bedroom" >She gets angry, hits me, and calls me a fatty (I'm around 320 lbs) Why are they like this? Who hurt them?

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Anons morning routines | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)14:01:00 No.853853118 ITT morning routines >be me >wake up at 4:15am >attempt to call Albanian embassy >4:30, go to back yard and act schizophrenic for an hour >5:30, if my neighbors arnt already up they will be >go to the front of my house and start yelling >sometimes yell "theres a fire" or "hes got a gun" >6am, breakfast. I have wild oat with whole grain 4 KB PNG bread >meditate until 7am >7am leave for work 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)14:01:00 No.853853118 ITT morning routines >be me >wake up at 4:15am >attempt to call Albanian embassy >4:30, go to back yard and act schizophrenic for an hour >5:30, if my neighbors arnt already up they will be >go to the front of my house and start yelling >sometimes yell "theres a fire" or "hes got a gun" >6am, breakfast. I have wild oat with whole grain 4 KB PNG bread >meditate until 7am >7am leave for work 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon has big brain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)05:50:16 No.63555289 >>63555248 # >paying for p--- >meanwhile I google "hairy guy big c---" and get 12 million results >>63555408 #
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)05:50:16 No.63555289 >>63555248 # >paying for p--- >meanwhile I google "hairy guy big c---" and get 12 million results >>63555408 #

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Anon can only dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)12:27:41 No.63564667 1614387637337.jpg 157 KB JPG >It's raining >It's comfy I like it 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)12:47:59 No.63564941 >>63564667 (OP) # I wish I was him. Older and fatter, yes, but look at him. He does not give a f---. He sits there comfortably, looking at the camera. He f-----, he is probably married, has kids and a job. He has everything and does not need to care anymore He just enjoys himself. Men like these are the happies. Not smart, but happy. 110 KB JPG Normie cattle, but not caring. I wish. >>63565297 # : Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)13:12:16 No.63565297 >>63564941 # he's a toad sage you rookie
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)12:27:41 No.63564667 1614387637337.jpg 157 KB JPG >It's raining >It's comfy I like it 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)12:47:59 No.63564941 >>63564667 (OP) # I wish I was him. Older and fatter, yes, but look at him. He does not give a f---. He sits there comfortably, looking at the camera. He f-----, he is probably married, has kids and a job. He has everything and does not need to care anymore He just enjoys himself. Men like these are the happies. Not smart, but happy. 110 KB JPG Normie cattle, but not caring. I wish. >>63565297 # : Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)13:12:16 No.63565297 >>63564941 # he's a toad sage you rookie

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Anon should've swerved to the right | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)13:13:54 No.63036698 >between 40 million and 1.2 billion E sperm cells in a single e---------- >i'm the one who got there first f------ so sorry dad. shoulda just veered left 43 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)13:13:54 No.63036698 >between 40 million and 1.2 billion E sperm cells in a single e---------- >i'm the one who got there first f------ so sorry dad. shoulda just veered left 43 KB JPG

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Anon misses his poop corner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous what shamefull things did you (...) 05/04/21(Tue)20:06:14 No.63516500 >be me >kindergaten age >spend lot of time at grandma's, countryside >huge yard, lots of space to play around >need to poop >dont really feel like going all the 9 KB PNG way back to the house and poop in toilet >go to nearby garage >pick a corner >poop >do this everyday for one summer i miss my poop corner, things were a lot better when i used to poop in the garage. what shameful/autistic things did you do when you were little anons?
: Anonymous what shamefull things did you (...) 05/04/21(Tue)20:06:14 No.63516500 >be me >kindergaten age >spend lot of time at grandma's, countryside >huge yard, lots of space to play around >need to poop >dont really feel like going all the 9 KB PNG way back to the house and poop in toilet >go to nearby garage >pick a corner >poop >do this everyday for one summer i miss my poop corner, things were a lot better when i used to poop in the garage. what shameful/autistic things did you do when you were little anons?

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Anon made a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and l'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol >next day I get called into the 19 KB JPG guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday
: Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and l'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol >next day I get called into the 19 KB JPG guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday

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Anon refuses | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:50:38 No.853898939 >be me >Older ugly anon, work for ad agency >new client comes in, young blonde cutie >newly hired trying to impress her company, a new alcoholic beverage CUTWATER MANGO MARGARIT 630 KB JPG company >goes over her desired strategy >realize she has half the budget required >tell her there's no possible way to do it within her price range >"well anon... isn't there anything you can do?" while she unbuttons her blouse >refuse, because I have strong moral fiber >as strong as Cutwater Mango Margarita, a refreshing new beverage from Cutwater Alcoholic Beverages
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:50:38 No.853898939 >be me >Older ugly anon, work for ad agency >new client comes in, young blonde cutie >newly hired trying to impress her company, a new alcoholic beverage CUTWATER MANGO MARGARIT 630 KB JPG company >goes over her desired strategy >realize she has half the budget required >tell her there's no possible way to do it within her price range >"well anon... isn't there anything you can do?" while she unbuttons her blouse >refuse, because I have strong moral fiber >as strong as Cutwater Mango Margarita, a refreshing new beverage from Cutwater Alcoholic Beverages

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Anon gets paired up with a Stacey | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)07:00:44 No.63047567 >first year of high school >typical nerdy ugly kid >english teacher putting us in pairs for a debate project >get paired with one of the popular girls >she starts complaining instantly 58 KB JPG but it falls on deaf ears >try being amicable >acts like a complete bitch towards me >turns around to complain to one of her friends while i'm sitting right there >refuses to do any work/research aside from being the captain of the debate >end up having to do everything why are normies so mean just because you're ugly?
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)07:00:44 No.63047567 >first year of high school >typical nerdy ugly kid >english teacher putting us in pairs for a debate project >get paired with one of the popular girls >she starts complaining instantly 58 KB JPG but it falls on deaf ears >try being amicable >acts like a complete bitch towards me >turns around to complain to one of her friends while i'm sitting right there >refuses to do any work/research aside from being the captain of the debate >end up having to do everything why are normies so mean just because you're ugly?

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This one is an old masterpiece. | /r/Greentext

1 Lhu50KIG # 124029364 2 04.05 08:21:02 JPEG 700x762 151 KB Is using an exploit in a video game to crash servers illegal in America? Is it illegal to crash a video game's server using nothing but in- game mechanics? I found an exploit in a Steam survival game that can crash the server for about 5-10 minutes, booting everyone off the server. It uses nothing but in-game mechanics to do. Is it considered a DoS attack? Or, since I'm just "playing the game" would it hold up in court? 6 M* BAC927FZ #124030682 04.05 08:36:59 >>124029364 OP >Knock on door >"GO AWAY IM BUSY" >Door opens, anon's parents take a timid step into the room. >Pissjugs fill most of the available floorspace >'Anon, what.. What are you doing?" >Camera pans to anon, who sits crosslegged and hunched over a small dusty monitor, fat rolls flowing freely to reveal a completely naked figure except for some ripped, stained Y- fronts. >'I just found a small indie game on Steam where I can exploit an ingame mechanic to crash the servers *snortlaugh**shart* I'm basically a hacker, you know." >A pale, chunky hand reaches into an industrial-sized bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. Some sounds, akin to that of a hungry hippopotamus devouring a small mammal, follow. The creature wipes the crumbs on its pallid body. >"0-okay, anon. We'll leave you to it." >The mother wipes away a single tear as she backs out the room. The father gives a single glare, a mix of regret, shame and stoic acceptance, before following suit and gently closing over the door. >A single balloon reading "Happy 30th birthday, son!" hovers for several days in the doorway unnoticed, until the helium leaks out of it and it slumps, almost wearily, to the floor.
1 Lhu50KIG # 124029364 2 04.05 08:21:02 JPEG 700x762 151 KB Is using an exploit in a video game to crash servers illegal in America? Is it illegal to crash a video game's server using nothing but in- game mechanics? I found an exploit in a Steam survival game that can crash the server for about 5-10 minutes, booting everyone off the server. It uses nothing but in-game mechanics to do. Is it considered a DoS attack? Or, since I'm just "playing the game" would it hold up in court? 6 M* BAC927FZ #124030682 04.05 08:36:59 >>124029364 OP >Knock on door >"GO AWAY IM BUSY" >Door opens, anon's parents take a timid step into the room. >Pissjugs fill most of the available floorspace >'Anon, what.. What are you doing?" >Camera pans to anon, who sits crosslegged and hunched over a small dusty monitor, fat rolls flowing freely to reveal a completely naked figure except for some ripped, stained Y- fronts. >'I just found a small indie game on Steam where I can exploit an ingame mechanic to crash the servers *snortlaugh**shart* I'm basically a hacker, you know." >A pale, chunky hand reaches into an industrial-sized bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. Some sounds, akin to that of a hungry hippopotamus devouring a small mammal, follow. The creature wipes the crumbs on its pallid body. >"0-okay, anon. We'll leave you to it." >The mother wipes away a single tear as she backs out the room. The father gives a single glare, a mix of regret, shame and stoic acceptance, before following suit and gently closing over the door. >A single balloon reading "Happy 30th birthday, son!" hovers for several days in the doorway unnoticed, until the helium leaks out of it and it slumps, almost wearily, to the floor.

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