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Anon learns a new language | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tella soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore
: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tella soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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>Me reading this in JK Simmons voice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21 (Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 19423857235643qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.
: Anonymous 05/01/21 (Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 19423857235643qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.

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Anon has a lucid dream | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" | can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" | can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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Anon works at a grocery store | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:09:19 No.853996180 >be me, 21yo stocker at large chain grocery store >worked there for 2.5 years now >cute girl, former fast food manager starts working there >store owner promotes her to manager almost instantly >worked 90% of my ass off every 49 KB JPG day >perfectly balanced tills and excellent stocker >she's friendly and we get along but she just chats with coworkers half the day >mfw I find out she gets paid more than me AND gets consistent hours I feel like a failure as a man.
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:09:19 No.853996180 >be me, 21yo stocker at large chain grocery store >worked there for 2.5 years now >cute girl, former fast food manager starts working there >store owner promotes her to manager almost instantly >worked 90% of my ass off every 49 KB JPG day >perfectly balanced tills and excellent stocker >she's friendly and we get along but she just chats with coworkers half the day >mfw I find out she gets paid more than me AND gets consistent hours I feel like a failure as a man.

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Anon goes to Japan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)17:42:01 No.854036063 Devilish stories thread >Have a big d--- by American standards(7.5) but pretty ugly face so no gf >Go to Japan (Marines) >Girls there are attracted to me just 645 KB PNG because l'm white >Have sex with dozens of Japanese girls during the time I'm there >Now every Japanese guy these girls f--- from now on will disappoint them Top kek
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)17:42:01 No.854036063 Devilish stories thread >Have a big d--- by American standards(7.5) but pretty ugly face so no gf >Go to Japan (Marines) >Girls there are attracted to me just 645 KB PNG because l'm white >Have sex with dozens of Japanese girls during the time I'm there >Now every Japanese guy these girls f--- from now on will disappoint them Top kek

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Anon is a solder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:40:24 No.275169 File: 48934538486.jpg (120 KB, 400x226) >>277085 Rayvond1X 10,00 $US R1X Hey @Gawr Gura Ch. hololive-EN how are U doing today, Just drop a10Bits for U. I've 2 go cuz My Military Camp is under Attack, My Commanding officer has just Called Me so yeah! Witch Me luck... T DX Iwas in Ine miumary u my >be soldier >be in military camp >ennemy airstrike is coming in >panic >??? >send ten dollars to a virtual loli
Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:40:24 No.275169 File: 48934538486.jpg (120 KB, 400x226) >>277085 Rayvond1X 10,00 $US R1X Hey @Gawr Gura Ch. hololive-EN how are U doing today, Just drop a10Bits for U. I've 2 go cuz My Military Camp is under Attack, My Commanding officer has just Called Me so yeah! Witch Me luck... T DX Iwas in Ine miumary u my >be soldier >be in military camp >ennemy airstrike is coming in >panic >??? >send ten dollars to a virtual loli

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Anon is an NPC | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)07:51:26 No.63603986 >At work >Known at work as the guy who collects lighters >Coworker gives me a lighter he found >"Aw nice, thanks bro." 624 KB PNG >Opinion of that person went up in my mind >Think about it later that day >Realize I'm a 'collect x amount of y" npc >mfw
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)07:51:26 No.63603986 >At work >Known at work as the guy who collects lighters >Coworker gives me a lighter he found >"Aw nice, thanks bro." 624 KB PNG >Opinion of that person went up in my mind >Think about it later that day >Realize I'm a 'collect x amount of y" npc >mfw

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Anon finally finds a soulmate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:04:09 No.63597231 >Straight >No friends >Never had a gf >Go to college THE ANGEL PEVL ON e >New guy in class comes in >He's openly gay and kind to everyone, including me. Literally an 1.82 MB PNG angel who could do noting wrong >We become good friends over time >A few months roll by >He confesses to me >Says he always felt like this since he first met I don't know what to do anons, I don't want to break his heart and having a lover would be nice, but I don't know how people will view me. I don't want to be made fun of : Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:06:04 No.63597256 >>63597231 (OP) # Go get topped OP 13 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:04:09 No.63597231 >Straight >No friends >Never had a gf >Go to college THE ANGEL PEVL ON e >New guy in class comes in >He's openly gay and kind to everyone, including me. Literally an 1.82 MB PNG angel who could do noting wrong >We become good friends over time >A few months roll by >He confesses to me >Says he always felt like this since he first met I don't know what to do anons, I don't want to break his heart and having a lover would be nice, but I don't know how people will view me. I don't want to be made fun of : Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:06:04 No.63597256 >>63597231 (OP) # Go get topped OP 13 KB PNG

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Anon cures depression | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never worked 9 KB JPG >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never worked 9 KB JPG >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon plays with fire, gets burned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:24:29 No.710603525 So I've been c------ in my roommates girlfriend's body wash because they're annoying as f---. For like two months, jerk it in the shower, open the pump, dump it in, and give it a good shake. 14 KB JPG He just told me her period was super late so they took a pregnancy test and she's knocked up. He said "I trust her, I guess a condom ripped or idk" and they're going to raise it. We have a year on the lease. Problem is, I'm Greek and they're white as f---. What are the chances I'm a dad? : Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:25:48 No.710603604 what the f--- is wrong with you >>710603671 # >>710604623 #
: Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:24:29 No.710603525 So I've been c------ in my roommates girlfriend's body wash because they're annoying as f---. For like two months, jerk it in the shower, open the pump, dump it in, and give it a good shake. 14 KB JPG He just told me her period was super late so they took a pregnancy test and she's knocked up. He said "I trust her, I guess a condom ripped or idk" and they're going to raise it. We have a year on the lease. Problem is, I'm Greek and they're white as f---. What are the chances I'm a dad? : Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:25:48 No.710603604 what the f--- is wrong with you >>710603671 # >>710604623 #

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Anon can‘t sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)18:31:49 No.63594178 >be me >have house >renovation next door >5 am 30 KB PNG >BBVBVBVBVVVVVVWWWMMMMMMM >f--- you, Jerry
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)18:31:49 No.63594178 >be me >have house >renovation next door >5 am 30 KB PNG >BBVBVBVBVVVVVVWWWMMMMMMM >f--- you, Jerry

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Anon applies for a job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/12/21(Tue)19:40:45 No.137577790 1609952754578.jpg 6 KB JPG >applying for a cashier position >have to write a two-page motivational letter
: Anonymous 01/12/21(Tue)19:40:45 No.137577790 1609952754578.jpg 6 KB JPG >applying for a cashier position >have to write a two-page motivational letter

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Anon beats racism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)19:34:23 No.548733976 f.jpg 29 KB JPG >>548732910_(OP)_# >game ends >l say "ni" >someone says "gg" >l say "er"
: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)19:34:23 No.548733976 f.jpg 29 KB JPG >>548732910_(OP)_# >game ends >l say "ni" >someone says "gg" >l say "er"

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Anon fights back | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies Anonymous No.619019875 18 minutes ago f----- got em
Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies Anonymous No.619019875 18 minutes ago f----- got em

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Anon doesn't sell drugs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:08:49 No.777883934 >be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake feels good man drugs >start filling a few bags with oregano and selling to 30 KB JPG freshmen >kids actually believe it's weed and buy some >mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more >one day called up to principals office >there's a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I'm making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he grew to use >mfw they can't do anything so they send me back to class
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:08:49 No.777883934 >be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake feels good man drugs >start filling a few bags with oregano and selling to 30 KB JPG freshmen >kids actually believe it's weed and buy some >mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more >one day called up to principals office >there's a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I'm making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he grew to use >mfw they can't do anything so they send me back to class

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Anon has a good friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/19(Sun)21:47:04 No.817301715 >Mother got extremely sick on Christmas >She gets hospitalized >Doctor tell us she will be here until January 2 >l take care of my mother and I have to stay on the hospital every 195 KB PNG night taking care of her >Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year's party at a friend house because l'll be staying with my mom >She tells me she is still going without me >l think to myself "well I don't want her to have a s----- New Year so it's ok" >Later today best bro calls me >"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will bring you food to the hospital so we can celebrate"
: Anonymous 12/29/19(Sun)21:47:04 No.817301715 >Mother got extremely sick on Christmas >She gets hospitalized >Doctor tell us she will be here until January 2 >l take care of my mother and I have to stay on the hospital every 195 KB PNG night taking care of her >Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year's party at a friend house because l'll be staying with my mom >She tells me she is still going without me >l think to myself "well I don't want her to have a s----- New Year so it's ok" >Later today best bro calls me >"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will bring you food to the hospital so we can celebrate"

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Anon discovers FDS | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)09:09:02 No.849327632 >get in argument with friend about worst places on the internet >I say this bored >he links me this 35 KB JPG https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDati ngStrategy/ and i thought you f------ where spiteful 23 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)09:09:02 No.849327632 >get in argument with friend about worst places on the internet >I say this bored >he links me this 35 KB JPG https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDati ngStrategy/ and i thought you f------ where spiteful 23 Replies View Thread

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Anon spills the beans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: eDLgEdpo GUYS HELP I SCREWED UP BAD!!! 04/24/17(Mon)16:01:43 No.122645157 >be me >time to get wisdom teeth pulled out >go under drugs >my family now has videos of me crying profusely as i rant on about how the jews 37 KB JPG are subverting our white culture >mfw the doctor is jewish >mfw everybody knows i'm a bad goy >plz 2 help
: Anonymous (ID: eDLgEdpo GUYS HELP I SCREWED UP BAD!!! 04/24/17(Mon)16:01:43 No.122645157 >be me >time to get wisdom teeth pulled out >go under drugs >my family now has videos of me crying profusely as i rant on about how the jews 37 KB JPG are subverting our white culture >mfw the doctor is jewish >mfw everybody knows i'm a bad goy >plz 2 help

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Anon hates his father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)09:59:24 No.844740211 >masturbating in bedroom >about to c-- >dad comes running in naked screaming >'and here comes dad from left field!" >he does a running jump 83 KB JPG >lands a------ first on my d--- >penetration.png >c-- >mfw he laughs and calls me a f----- for cuming in another guy EVERY F------ TIME
: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)09:59:24 No.844740211 >masturbating in bedroom >about to c-- >dad comes running in naked screaming >'and here comes dad from left field!" >he does a running jump 83 KB JPG >lands a------ first on my d--- >penetration.png >c-- >mfw he laughs and calls me a f----- for cuming in another guy EVERY F------ TIME

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Anon is socially inept | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)15:20:34 No.48226468 >This Uber driver is known for great conversation 7 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)15:20:34 No.48226468 >This Uber driver is known for great conversation 7 KB JPG View Thread

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