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Anon likes Beethoven | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)12:05:05 No.854093583 >come home from work >first thing I do is lay down in bed, and ponder at the roof >take my phone, some headphones and browse >out of thin air I think of listening to 6 KB JPG beethoven 9 >turn on the long 80 minute version >relax, listening to a quiet yet dramatic orchestra play out a tune to my ears i remember it felt otherworldly, haven't been happier that I listened to the full thing
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)12:05:05 No.854093583 >come home from work >first thing I do is lay down in bed, and ponder at the roof >take my phone, some headphones and browse >out of thin air I think of listening to 6 KB JPG beethoven 9 >turn on the long 80 minute version >relax, listening to a quiet yet dramatic orchestra play out a tune to my ears i remember it felt otherworldly, haven't been happier that I listened to the full thing

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/20(Thu)21:46:35 No.842567137 >be me, fish WHY? >live in science class fish tank >just swimming around randomly one day >"boy I sure love my life in this nice water" 26 KB PNG >a special needs kid proceeds to pour fabric softener in the tank >mfw
: Anonymous 12/17/20(Thu)21:46:35 No.842567137 >be me, fish WHY? >live in science class fish tank >just swimming around randomly one day >"boy I sure love my life in this nice water" 26 KB PNG >a special needs kid proceeds to pour fabric softener in the tank >mfw

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Anon wants Shrek 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)18:54:33 No.854040996 Do you have any good Kazaa stories? >be me >12yo, don't know how to spot suspicious files 6 KB JPG >Shrek 2.avi.exe 14kb >seems legit > can no longer boot computer > repairman comes over, my whole family is in the room when my downloaded scat p--- folder is discovered
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)18:54:33 No.854040996 Do you have any good Kazaa stories? >be me >12yo, don't know how to spot suspicious files 6 KB JPG >Shrek 2.avi.exe 14kb >seems legit > can no longer boot computer > repairman comes over, my whole family is in the room when my downloaded scat p--- folder is discovered

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Anon watches the Simpsons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)22:25:23 No.854057324 >Be me >Watching Simpsons guest couch gag compilation >LA-Z Rider (the 80s one) comes on reallyawesome.jpg >Look up animator >Steve Cutts 135 KB JPG >See his other works >Nothing but annoying "Humans bad" b------- >Mfw the only thing of value he ever has and will make is a f------ Simpsons couch gag
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)22:25:23 No.854057324 >Be me >Watching Simpsons guest couch gag compilation >LA-Z Rider (the 80s one) comes on reallyawesome.jpg >Look up animator >Steve Cutts 135 KB JPG >See his other works >Nothing but annoying "Humans bad" b------- >Mfw the only thing of value he ever has and will make is a f------ Simpsons couch gag

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Anon memed himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Ascension 05/02/18(Wed)10:45:03 No.45088013 >Be Me >no friends, never leave room, no future etc >discover tendies greentext >think it's the funniest s--- >jokingly ask mom for tendies >actually makes me some 326 KB PNG >keep this up for months, ask mom or dad to make me tendies every day after school >drink 3 gallons of mountain dew a week >eat nothing but tendies and cereal >haven't left my room except to go to school in over 6 months >last summer break I didn't leave my house at all >tfw my parents say I am a waste of oxygen >tfw the tendies meme is real
: Anonymous Ascension 05/02/18(Wed)10:45:03 No.45088013 >Be Me >no friends, never leave room, no future etc >discover tendies greentext >think it's the funniest s--- >jokingly ask mom for tendies >actually makes me some 326 KB PNG >keep this up for months, ask mom or dad to make me tendies every day after school >drink 3 gallons of mountain dew a week >eat nothing but tendies and cereal >haven't left my room except to go to school in over 6 months >last summer break I didn't leave my house at all >tfw my parents say I am a waste of oxygen >tfw the tendies meme is real

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Anon is terrified | /r/Greentext

File: ikyiuoka7d421 jpg (42 KB, 646x595) O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)05:49 22 No. 150720588 - >watching a TV show >all of a sudden a character stops and looks directly into the camera >recites my full name, date of birth, address, social security number, and the outfit I'm currently wearing >show resumes like nothing happened Uh.. bros??
File: ikyiuoka7d421 jpg (42 KB, 646x595) O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)05:49 22 No. 150720588 - >watching a TV show >all of a sudden a character stops and looks directly into the camera >recites my full name, date of birth, address, social security number, and the outfit I'm currently wearing >show resumes like nothing happened Uh.. bros??

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Anon is woke af | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/10/21(Wed)22:42:00 No.626975- >Bro trust me there are definitely not tiny people in your tv >it's like uhhh it's actually a complex signal that's transmitted through the air >and it like uuuhhh it makes the tv blink certain lights that create the moving picture of people moving around >there are no tiny people it's actually 50 KB PNG science
: Anonymous 03/10/21(Wed)22:42:00 No.626975- >Bro trust me there are definitely not tiny people in your tv >it's like uhhh it's actually a complex signal that's transmitted through the air >and it like uuuhhh it makes the tv blink certain lights that create the moving picture of people moving around >there are no tiny people it's actually 50 KB PNG science

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Anon questions the etiology of his heart attack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)09:25:06 No.828211383 >>828209346 (OP) # >be me >have pain in heart >feels like bad back ache >left arm begins to ache >take blood pressure 190/120 56 KB JPG >go to hospital >"you had a heart attack, anon" MFW, how did this happen when I lowered by intake of Krispy Kreme's by 50%??
: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)09:25:06 No.828211383 >>828209346 (OP) # >be me >have pain in heart >feels like bad back ache >left arm begins to ache >take blood pressure 190/120 56 KB JPG >go to hospital >"you had a heart attack, anon" MFW, how did this happen when I lowered by intake of Krispy Kreme's by 50%??

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Anon's mom substitutes butter | /r/Greentext

No.16081403 19 hours ago 1596976383675.jpg JPG 58.2 KiB 720x720 >Recipe calls for "butter" >My mom uses "margarine" >Complains about the recipe 5 replies No.16081421 19 hours ago
No.16081403 19 hours ago 1596976383675.jpg JPG 58.2 KiB 720x720 >Recipe calls for "butter" >My mom uses "margarine" >Complains about the recipe 5 replies No.16081421 19 hours ago

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Anon has an unpopular opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function 15 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function 15 KB JPG

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Anon makes a hell of a deal | /r/Greentext

>Know a guy who is a former marine (infantry) and deployed to Afghanistan >Now smokes meth, weed, and does heroin 21 KB JPG >Was begging me for money for heroin >Told him l'd give it to him if he gave me his military gear >Game me virtually everything, uniforms, photos, bags, chest rigs, helmet, night vision attachments >Basically all the gear filled up my entire car >Gave him $150 I feel bad, should i contact veteran affairs about this guy?
>Know a guy who is a former marine (infantry) and deployed to Afghanistan >Now smokes meth, weed, and does heroin 21 KB JPG >Was begging me for money for heroin >Told him l'd give it to him if he gave me his military gear >Game me virtually everything, uniforms, photos, bags, chest rigs, helmet, night vision attachments >Basically all the gear filled up my entire car >Gave him $150 I feel bad, should i contact veteran affairs about this guy?

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Anon is german | /r/Greentext

Pause Untbr Esc F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12 Drucken Rollen Num Lock Caps Sou Lock Lock Bild Enlg Post 3 3 4 6. R. P Bid En Ende Bild Post 4 5 6. A D H K. L 1 3 Enter Y V B N Ende Bid Alt Gr Strg Ent Alt Enlg Strg O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:53:30 No.81536205 >>81536342 >>81536445 >>81536466 >>81536478 >>81537013 >>81537068 >>81537253 >>81537587 >>81539212 >>81541640 >>81542247 >Be German >Muscle memory built to type "@" with this combination of keys >Try MacOS for the first time >Same combination is equivalent of ALT+F4 >Close every application every time I try to log into any account of any service. F--- you Apple O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:58:39 No.81536272 >>81539282 >>81541546 >>81542247 00ochh ich kannst nicht typen on zis dummkopf operatingssystemme ich bin sehr mad oooohhh nein
Pause Untbr Esc F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12 Drucken Rollen Num Lock Caps Sou Lock Lock Bild Enlg Post 3 3 4 6. R. P Bid En Ende Bild Post 4 5 6. A D H K. L 1 3 Enter Y V B N Ende Bid Alt Gr Strg Ent Alt Enlg Strg O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:53:30 No.81536205 >>81536342 >>81536445 >>81536466 >>81536478 >>81537013 >>81537068 >>81537253 >>81537587 >>81539212 >>81541640 >>81542247 >Be German >Muscle memory built to type "@" with this combination of keys >Try MacOS for the first time >Same combination is equivalent of ALT+F4 >Close every application every time I try to log into any account of any service. F--- you Apple O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:58:39 No.81536272 >>81539282 >>81541546 >>81542247 00ochh ich kannst nicht typen on zis dummkopf operatingssystemme ich bin sehr mad oooohhh nein

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Anon wakes up late | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)11:56:48 No.63605066 >wake up late for mothers day visit with gfs family >her mom and dad literally yell at me when I arrive >"don't even bother now anon! it's too late, you've ruined mothers day!!!" 67 KB JPG >irrationally furious over my innocent mistake, scolding me like a child >first time l've ever been late like this ever >turn around and drive home alone what the F--- is wrong with boomers
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)11:56:48 No.63605066 >wake up late for mothers day visit with gfs family >her mom and dad literally yell at me when I arrive >"don't even bother now anon! it's too late, you've ruined mothers day!!!" 67 KB JPG >irrationally furious over my innocent mistake, scolding me like a child >first time l've ever been late like this ever >turn around and drive home alone what the F--- is wrong with boomers

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Anon lifts weights | /r/Greentext

>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day l'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him
>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day l'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him

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Anon dupes money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)09:23:35 No.854084977 >be me >find half a dollar note on ground >bring it to bank to get full dollar >gets idea >rips dollar note >get full dollar for one half >get another dollar for the other 29 KB JPG half at a different bank >have 2 dollars >mfw I find money duplication glitch View Thread
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)09:23:35 No.854084977 >be me >find half a dollar note on ground >bring it to bank to get full dollar >gets idea >rips dollar note >get full dollar for one half >get another dollar for the other 29 KB JPG half at a different bank >have 2 dollars >mfw I find money duplication glitch View Thread

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Anon has an experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:05:34 No.47689416 A girl touched my bathing suit CHICKEN FINGERS area last night. It was awesome. AND FRIES What is your most recent sexual experience? 160 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:12:53 No.47689484 >Be Me >Been seeing this woman for a few months >She's really nice and seems to care for me >One day she takes out her t--- >I start sucking on them >Be me >2 months old 000
: Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:05:34 No.47689416 A girl touched my bathing suit CHICKEN FINGERS area last night. It was awesome. AND FRIES What is your most recent sexual experience? 160 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:12:53 No.47689484 >Be Me >Been seeing this woman for a few months >She's really nice and seems to care for me >One day she takes out her t--- >I start sucking on them >Be me >2 months old 000

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Anon wants a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >l'm white >l'm young >l'm physically healthy >l'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >l have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >l have a strong sense of honor >l have a favourable personality >l've been toldI am handsome >l can protect my wife and offspring from predators >l can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >l'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP) # >l have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.
: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >l'm white >l'm young >l'm physically healthy >l'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >l have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >l have a strong sense of honor >l have a favourable personality >l've been toldI am handsome >l can protect my wife and offspring from predators >l can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >l'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP) # >l have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.

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Anon's dad has autism | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.84959931 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 704 13 KB JPG
E Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.84959931 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 704 13 KB JPG

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)02:26:21 No.854067816 >Be me >Age 16 >l'm about to change schools, it's mid March >F------ hate Spanish Class >It's taught by some old ass almost 90 year old jewish lady who doesn't even 65 KB PNG speak spanish that well, probably got the job due to nepotism or some s--- idk >She teaches us spanish via movies and premade worksheets >She wants us to give her suggestions for movies to watch in class. >ldea.jfif >"Oh, Mrs. whoever I have this one i think we could all watch, it's called Curado de Espantos" >Don't even really know what it's about, but I know it from one scene >"ok anon we can watch that, we'll watch that on March 31st" >March 31st >The day before I was supposed to change schools >bingo.txt >"ahaha awesome teach, thank you" >wait The day arrives >old ass teacher puts the DVD in, sits right outside the door to do test remediations >f--- yes.wmv >l have no idea when the scene in question plays, all I can hope is that it happens before i leave for the day >the scene finally comes >"You fool, Jacinto! All my ancestors were jews!" >Silence in the class, the teacher gets up >"Okay, i also have this." >The main character pulls out a swastika. >"HEIL HITLER!" >old ass teacher nearly has a f------ heart attack >she's old enough to have actually lived through the Holocaust, so i'm not suprised >starts crying in front of the class >7th period, sol just get on the bus before she can get me called to the office >leave that school forever >triumph View Thread
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)02:26:21 No.854067816 >Be me >Age 16 >l'm about to change schools, it's mid March >F------ hate Spanish Class >It's taught by some old ass almost 90 year old jewish lady who doesn't even 65 KB PNG speak spanish that well, probably got the job due to nepotism or some s--- idk >She teaches us spanish via movies and premade worksheets >She wants us to give her suggestions for movies to watch in class. >ldea.jfif >"Oh, Mrs. whoever I have this one i think we could all watch, it's called Curado de Espantos" >Don't even really know what it's about, but I know it from one scene >"ok anon we can watch that, we'll watch that on March 31st" >March 31st >The day before I was supposed to change schools >bingo.txt >"ahaha awesome teach, thank you" >wait The day arrives >old ass teacher puts the DVD in, sits right outside the door to do test remediations >f--- yes.wmv >l have no idea when the scene in question plays, all I can hope is that it happens before i leave for the day >the scene finally comes >"You fool, Jacinto! All my ancestors were jews!" >Silence in the class, the teacher gets up >"Okay, i also have this." >The main character pulls out a swastika. >"HEIL HITLER!" >old ass teacher nearly has a f------ heart attack >she's old enough to have actually lived through the Holocaust, so i'm not suprised >starts crying in front of the class >7th period, sol just get on the bus before she can get me called to the office >leave that school forever >triumph View Thread

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Anon uses his power | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:18:04 No.816697201 >t----- >bike home from work >ride past a group of teen-agers >get wolf-wistled at >turn around and yell "ew thats gay" in my manliest voice >bike away while his friends laugh 40 KB JPG at him 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:25:53 No.816697581 >>816697201 (OP) # Man gay LOLI Trap hen Scere T kek 149 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:18:04 No.816697201 >t----- >bike home from work >ride past a group of teen-agers >get wolf-wistled at >turn around and yell "ew thats gay" in my manliest voice >bike away while his friends laugh 40 KB JPG at him 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:25:53 No.816697581 >>816697201 (OP) # Man gay LOLI Trap hen Scere T kek 149 KB JPG

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