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Anon pushes buttons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:56:56 No.63649403 click >click That's your whole life. 60 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:57:31 No.63649405 >>63649403 (OP) # Not true, sometimes I push buttons >>63649418 #
: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:56:56 No.63649403 click >click That's your whole life. 60 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:57:31 No.63649405 >>63649403 (OP) # Not true, sometimes I push buttons >>63649418 #

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Anon struggles with IQ test | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)17:02:31 No.7781 >friend sends me iq test >okay ill do it > finish test and get 75 iq >i cant show this to my friend >i do the test again knowing answers >get 73 >mfw 59 KB PNG
Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)17:02:31 No.7781 >friend sends me iq test >okay ill do it > finish test and get 75 iq >i cant show this to my friend >i do the test again knowing answers >get 73 >mfw 59 KB PNG

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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/19(Sat)15:07:42 No.803455386- >be me >go to high school >same s--- every day >s--- sucks >at least I have a girlfriend to make things better >I have her for my 5th hour Chemistry 22 KB JPG class >sneak in supply closet with her before class starts >have the best sex to ever occur in human history >exit closet >nobody bats an eye >go to my desk >turn on projector >begin teaching
: Anonymous 06/29/19(Sat)15:07:42 No.803455386- >be me >go to high school >same s--- every day >s--- sucks >at least I have a girlfriend to make things better >I have her for my 5th hour Chemistry 22 KB JPG class >sneak in supply closet with her before class starts >have the best sex to ever occur in human history >exit closet >nobody bats an eye >go to my desk >turn on projector >begin teaching

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Anon makes cancer joke | /r/Greentext


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Catanon has a retard owner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 790705743 2 min ago ••• >be me >Cat >Lives with a human who never goes out. Eat and sleeps all day and lives of parents money and got no friends. >Probably a cat in human form. >Human talks to me everyday even though I can't understand s---. >Retarded.jpeg >Calls me >" Catanon I'm out of tendies and my parents are busy. I'm going outside to get some tendies >Whatever.jpeg >tells me that he loves me >l don't. >Purr coz l'm a cat and that's what cats do. 13.0 kB JPG >Human thinks that I love him too. >Retarded2x.jpeg >lt's been two days and human never came back. >His parents came crying and told me that anon died in an accident. >WHAT >Mfw human is so retarded he died the only time he went out. >Pic related
Anonymous | 790705743 2 min ago ••• >be me >Cat >Lives with a human who never goes out. Eat and sleeps all day and lives of parents money and got no friends. >Probably a cat in human form. >Human talks to me everyday even though I can't understand s---. >Retarded.jpeg >Calls me >" Catanon I'm out of tendies and my parents are busy. I'm going outside to get some tendies >Whatever.jpeg >tells me that he loves me >l don't. >Purr coz l'm a cat and that's what cats do. 13.0 kB JPG >Human thinks that I love him too. >Retarded2x.jpeg >lt's been two days and human never came back. >His parents came crying and told me that anon died in an accident. >WHAT >Mfw human is so retarded he died the only time he went out. >Pic related

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Anon meets Goku | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)14:25:16 No.854256490 >be me, kissless, hugless, friendless virgin >be in my room, doing nothing >I should go work out but feel like s--- >suddenly Goku enters my room through my window 701 KB PNG >w--.com >"Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan anon. Soy capitan" >l see my life flashing before my eyes >l feel a strong energy rush over me as I turn super saiyan >drink 4 litres of protein shakes and run to my gym >deadlift 50 plates >receptionist compliments me on my blonded hair >f--- her and both of her sisters >feel good thank you Goku
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)14:25:16 No.854256490 >be me, kissless, hugless, friendless virgin >be in my room, doing nothing >I should go work out but feel like s--- >suddenly Goku enters my room through my window 701 KB PNG >w--.com >"Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan anon. Soy capitan" >l see my life flashing before my eyes >l feel a strong energy rush over me as I turn super saiyan >drink 4 litres of protein shakes and run to my gym >deadlift 50 plates >receptionist compliments me on my blonded hair >f--- her and both of her sisters >feel good thank you Goku

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Anon witnesses a fight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/31/13(Thu)19:11:53 No.513691304 I witnessed the most horrific Tard event. >Be in school >walking down crowded corridor 214 KB PNG >Spot tard holding sandwich >This tard is known for flipping out violently and a wrangler is nowhere to be seen. >Suddenly, amongst the crowd, someone bumps into the tard and knocks his sandwich out his hand. >A slice of ham lands on some quiet kid who is by his locker >ohgodno.avi >Like the horns of Jericho, the tard lets out noise that could bring down the walls of a fortress >He leaps on the quiet kid and tackles him to the ground, eyes glazed over in feral rage >ohshitnigger.jpg >The tard sinks his teeth into this kid's upper thigh, but somehow still roaring >little did I know, thta the quiet kid was suffering from PTSD from a violent dog attack >He flips his s--- and unleashes an epic 45-hit fist combo into the tards face >As the punches keep landing, the tard's face is slowly becoming mushier and redder >The tard increases his bite strengh and his growl grows louder >The quiet kid is now bawling his eyes out but he doesn't cease his furious punching >Blood is beginning to be splattered about the hall from the tard's face >the bite mark is now flowing freely with blood as well >like lightning, the quiet kid grabs the tard's forehead with one hand and right hooks him in the jaw with the other. >audiblecrack.mp3 >the tard flops off the kid and begins writing on the floor, smearing blood and saliva everywhere >the quiet kid looks at his bloodsoaked fists, pukes and passes out (probably from the pain of the bite) >MFW he broke a tard's jaw to free himself >MFW the hallway looks like the f------ somme >MFW at least 10 kids had to have counselling after seeing this Also, Tard stories general.
Anonymous 10/31/13(Thu)19:11:53 No.513691304 I witnessed the most horrific Tard event. >Be in school >walking down crowded corridor 214 KB PNG >Spot tard holding sandwich >This tard is known for flipping out violently and a wrangler is nowhere to be seen. >Suddenly, amongst the crowd, someone bumps into the tard and knocks his sandwich out his hand. >A slice of ham lands on some quiet kid who is by his locker >ohgodno.avi >Like the horns of Jericho, the tard lets out noise that could bring down the walls of a fortress >He leaps on the quiet kid and tackles him to the ground, eyes glazed over in feral rage >ohshitnigger.jpg >The tard sinks his teeth into this kid's upper thigh, but somehow still roaring >little did I know, thta the quiet kid was suffering from PTSD from a violent dog attack >He flips his s--- and unleashes an epic 45-hit fist combo into the tards face >As the punches keep landing, the tard's face is slowly becoming mushier and redder >The tard increases his bite strengh and his growl grows louder >The quiet kid is now bawling his eyes out but he doesn't cease his furious punching >Blood is beginning to be splattered about the hall from the tard's face >the bite mark is now flowing freely with blood as well >like lightning, the quiet kid grabs the tard's forehead with one hand and right hooks him in the jaw with the other. >audiblecrack.mp3 >the tard flops off the kid and begins writing on the floor, smearing blood and saliva everywhere >the quiet kid looks at his bloodsoaked fists, pukes and passes out (probably from the pain of the bite) >MFW he broke a tard's jaw to free himself >MFW the hallway looks like the f------ somme >MFW at least 10 kids had to have counselling after seeing this Also, Tard stories general.

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As the founding fathers intended | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 68106536 6 hr. ago •.. >burglar trying to enter my home >not managing to pick my lock >goes "f--- it" mode >pulls out handgun, smashes window with it >steps in, gun ready >l yell from my bedroom >"VEKTORS! PROTECT OUR HOME!" 473.9 kB JPG >numerous little beeps ensue >from the shadows, hundreds and hundreds of little robots emerge, each with a knife taped to them >burglar opens fire on the Vektors >they're too small and too nimble, he misses every shot >panicking, he tries to stomp them >one manages to stab his foot >screaming in pain, the burglar falls down >the little robots go for the kill, stabbing the burglar over and over >they all beep in victory after he's dead >"Good job Vektors. Go home." >all the little robots scurry away to their hiding spots
Anonymous | 68106536 6 hr. ago •.. >burglar trying to enter my home >not managing to pick my lock >goes "f--- it" mode >pulls out handgun, smashes window with it >steps in, gun ready >l yell from my bedroom >"VEKTORS! PROTECT OUR HOME!" 473.9 kB JPG >numerous little beeps ensue >from the shadows, hundreds and hundreds of little robots emerge, each with a knife taped to them >burglar opens fire on the Vektors >they're too small and too nimble, he misses every shot >panicking, he tries to stomp them >one manages to stab his foot >screaming in pain, the burglar falls down >the little robots go for the kill, stabbing the burglar over and over >they all beep in victory after he's dead >"Good job Vektors. Go home." >all the little robots scurry away to their hiding spots

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Anon tries to be nice... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)22:28:01 No.9722834 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" 252 KB JPG This was a f------ mistake.
Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)22:28:01 No.9722834 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" 252 KB JPG This was a f------ mistake.

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Anon is born dumb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)21:14:04 No.842264200 >be me >retard >never done drugs once in my life >friends and family all think I smoke weed every day >boss also thinks I show 27 KB PNG up high to work >nobody believes me when I tell them l'm just f------ stupid >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)21:14:04 No.842264200 >be me >retard >never done drugs once in my life >friends and family all think I smoke weed every day >boss also thinks I show 27 KB PNG up high to work >nobody believes me when I tell them l'm just f------ stupid >mfw View Thread

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Anon has a tasty lunch | /r/Greentext

>be me >4th grade >lunch >eating Nutella sandwich >chad: hey anon is that a poop sandwich >no...it's... 16.1 kB JPG >everyone laughs
>be me >4th grade >lunch >eating Nutella sandwich >chad: hey anon is that a poop sandwich >no...it's... 16.1 kB JPG >everyone laughs

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Anon does the math. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous B 05/12/21(Wed)15:28:46 No.63642125 >the number of women in a 10 mile radius >divide by 5 for girls roughly your age >divide again by the inverse of your looks /10 >multiply by 0 because you don't go outside 11 KB JPG O women will date me.
: Anonymous B 05/12/21(Wed)15:28:46 No.63642125 >the number of women in a 10 mile radius >divide by 5 for girls roughly your age >divide again by the inverse of your looks /10 >multiply by 0 because you don't go outside 11 KB JPG O women will date me.

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anon has a suspicion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)12:08:06 No.854258947 >woke up to my friend admitting to finding t----- p--- attractive recently >he sent some of said t----- p--- >it was all webm files I know you guys are responsible for this, f--- you 6 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)12:08:06 No.854258947 >woke up to my friend admitting to finding t----- p--- attractive recently >he sent some of said t----- p--- >it was all webm files I know you guys are responsible for this, f--- you 6 KB JPG

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Anon gets roasted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)21:08:51 No.854202562 >be me >in science class >class is getting off track because it's the end of the day >somehow in the middle of the conversation this one girl absolutely 131 КВ PNG roasts the s--- out of me >l'm embarrassed and try to just be cool until the conversation moves on >teacher looks at me and goes "you can tell he's trying to think of a comeback" >I say I'm not but the teacher has the whole class be silent and stare at me expecting a comeback >l spit out something and everyone pity claps I sill remember this years later. Mr. Jenkins if you're reading this, f--- you.
: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)21:08:51 No.854202562 >be me >in science class >class is getting off track because it's the end of the day >somehow in the middle of the conversation this one girl absolutely 131 КВ PNG roasts the s--- out of me >l'm embarrassed and try to just be cool until the conversation moves on >teacher looks at me and goes "you can tell he's trying to think of a comeback" >I say I'm not but the teacher has the whole class be silent and stare at me expecting a comeback >l spit out something and everyone pity claps I sill remember this years later. Mr. Jenkins if you're reading this, f--- you.

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Anon plays RE 8 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)17:20:55 No.555270214 >Make a Druckmann-tier s--- game with female protagonists that are actually male >lt flops and you have to buy awards for it with studio money to save face 93 KB JPG Vs >Make big tiddy characters that make everyone's peepee stand up >Sales go through the roof Do you think companies learned a lesson with this or are we still going to have to live in dark times in the future until these dense m------------ understand?
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)17:20:55 No.555270214 >Make a Druckmann-tier s--- game with female protagonists that are actually male >lt flops and you have to buy awards for it with studio money to save face 93 KB JPG Vs >Make big tiddy characters that make everyone's peepee stand up >Sales go through the roof Do you think companies learned a lesson with this or are we still going to have to live in dark times in the future until these dense m------------ understand?

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Anon looks out for his dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)11:50:58 No.854231194 >dad's brother died a few day ago >he starts smoking again and starts getting lightheaded a lot which caused him to fall yesterday >me and my brothers start looking out for him 84 KB JPG >one of my brothers talks to one his close friends and tells him to keep an eye on him when he is with him >dad finds out today >been shouting for the last hour or so that he "isn't gonna die" and his children are basterds for doing this i think i might choke him out today ungrateful c---
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)11:50:58 No.854231194 >dad's brother died a few day ago >he starts smoking again and starts getting lightheaded a lot which caused him to fall yesterday >me and my brothers start looking out for him 84 KB JPG >one of my brothers talks to one his close friends and tells him to keep an eye on him when he is with him >dad finds out today >been shouting for the last hour or so that he "isn't gonna die" and his children are basterds for doing this i think i might choke him out today ungrateful c---

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Anon writes the plot for the new Saw | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT:We design Saw traps 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb 10 Replies /2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous ITT:We design Saw traps 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb 10 Replies /2 Images View Thread

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Anon gets a cat | /r/Greentext

File: cat.jpg (106 KB, 720x1273) O Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)10:44:06 No.854247680 [Reply] Story from a long time ago >be me >be 10 >almost Christmas >mom wants to get me a cat >saw online about this trailer that had a whole bunch of cats and were giving them away for free >mom goes there >arrives at s----- trailer >probably a lot of inbreeding >mom tries to get one of the cats to come to her >only one comes to her so she choose that one >ffw a few days >Christmas Eve (I think) >mom brings a box inside >wonder what it is >hear meowing >is in love with cat >ffw a few years >be me >be 12 >live with mom and grandma >mom is usually outside smoking cigarettes or playing on her phone, so I didn't really talk to her much >grandma is always getting annoyed (Alzheimer's really changes people) >grandma is always yelling at me or squirting the cat because she didn't want the cat in the living room >only sanctuary in the house is my room >cat hangs out with me in my room because that's the only place neither of us get in trouble for >goes on for about 2 years >be me >be 14 >cat has to be put down >was in the room when they put her down >held her paw before she died >crying >I still miss her >pic related >tfw we were both nuisances to society but not to each other If there's an afterlife, I know she's waiting for me.
File: cat.jpg (106 KB, 720x1273) O Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)10:44:06 No.854247680 [Reply] Story from a long time ago >be me >be 10 >almost Christmas >mom wants to get me a cat >saw online about this trailer that had a whole bunch of cats and were giving them away for free >mom goes there >arrives at s----- trailer >probably a lot of inbreeding >mom tries to get one of the cats to come to her >only one comes to her so she choose that one >ffw a few days >Christmas Eve (I think) >mom brings a box inside >wonder what it is >hear meowing >is in love with cat >ffw a few years >be me >be 12 >live with mom and grandma >mom is usually outside smoking cigarettes or playing on her phone, so I didn't really talk to her much >grandma is always getting annoyed (Alzheimer's really changes people) >grandma is always yelling at me or squirting the cat because she didn't want the cat in the living room >only sanctuary in the house is my room >cat hangs out with me in my room because that's the only place neither of us get in trouble for >goes on for about 2 years >be me >be 14 >cat has to be put down >was in the room when they put her down >held her paw before she died >crying >I still miss her >pic related >tfw we were both nuisances to society but not to each other If there's an afterlife, I know she's waiting for me.

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Anon spends time in his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)01:09:32 No.793887401 >be me >horny >parents go out for the day >time2jerk.jpg >link phone to tv so I can watch pornhub on tv >full volume 73 КВ PNG >jerk it with the speed and force of god himself >hollering like a tard in the back of a classroom >phonebuzz >text from dad: hey anon, I didn't go out with your mom and am in my room >mfw
: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)01:09:32 No.793887401 >be me >horny >parents go out for the day >time2jerk.jpg >link phone to tv so I can watch pornhub on tv >full volume 73 КВ PNG >jerk it with the speed and force of god himself >hollering like a tard in the back of a classroom >phonebuzz >text from dad: hey anon, I didn't go out with your mom and am in my room >mfw

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Anon's fiancé wants a burger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/19(Sat)14:58:07 No.802338853 > be me > have a fiancé > kinda hot, I guess > whatever.jpg > fiancé starts bitching one day what in tarnation > "anon, I really want a burgerrrr" > ignore her because I have other 53 KB JPG things > also gets mono *next day > fiancé “pls get me a burger" > alright, let's do this >fuckyeah.jpeg > pulls into whataburger > texanfuckyeah.jpg > walk into whataburger > orders the biggest f------ burger they have > expects fiancé to get the same thing > fiancé goes "I think I'm gonna get a salad" >allmyrage.png >mfw
: Anonymous 06/15/19(Sat)14:58:07 No.802338853 > be me > have a fiancé > kinda hot, I guess > whatever.jpg > fiancé starts bitching one day what in tarnation > "anon, I really want a burgerrrr" > ignore her because I have other 53 KB JPG things > also gets mono *next day > fiancé “pls get me a burger" > alright, let's do this >fuckyeah.jpeg > pulls into whataburger > texanfuckyeah.jpg > walk into whataburger > orders the biggest f------ burger they have > expects fiancé to get the same thing > fiancé goes "I think I'm gonna get a salad" >allmyrage.png >mfw

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