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Anon is a manlet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)22:30:03 No.854416103 >be me manlet 5'6 ACTICA C ICTICA >riding train with a s--- load of groceries and a 10 kg cat litter bag >tall girl with raspy voice stands next to me BLE ELES ACTICA CTRCA ACTIICA UCHO >looked 20-22 at least 4 ears 525 KB PNG younger than me would you like some help with that? >instant boner
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)22:30:03 No.854416103 >be me manlet 5'6 ACTICA C ICTICA >riding train with a s--- load of groceries and a 10 kg cat litter bag >tall girl with raspy voice stands next to me BLE ELES ACTICA CTRCA ACTIICA UCHO >looked 20-22 at least 4 ears 525 KB PNG younger than me would you like some help with that? >instant boner

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Anon gets a cool nickname | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous innawoods autism thread 12/12/18(Wed) 13:41:41 No.1413695 >be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n s--- for a bonfire >go about 20 feet away from camp >see the perfect stick 131 KB JPG >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults s------- pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can >hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find >head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me >other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on
: Anonymous innawoods autism thread 12/12/18(Wed) 13:41:41 No.1413695 >be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n s--- for a bonfire >go about 20 feet away from camp >see the perfect stick 131 KB JPG >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults s------- pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can >hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find >head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me >other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on

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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

I fluking hate redditors with a passion man > Me about a week ago > Feeling depressed, tell a story about my s----- prom experience where I hid at a Chick- fil- A all 25 KB JPG night > Next morning, see my f------ greentext at the top of my page on Reddit > Has like 5k karma, and all the comments are either failing to summon the f------ tendiebot or are asking about the anime wojack I used > You f------ are probably reading this on r/greentext right now f--- you
I fluking hate redditors with a passion man > Me about a week ago > Feeling depressed, tell a story about my s----- prom experience where I hid at a Chick- fil- A all 25 KB JPG night > Next morning, see my f------ greentext at the top of my page on Reddit > Has like 5k karma, and all the comments are either failing to summon the f------ tendiebot or are asking about the anime wojack I used > You f------ are probably reading this on r/greentext right now f--- you

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Anon is approached by a girl | /r/Greentext

File: very epic.png (22 KB, 600x600) O Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)20:17:19 No.854331243 >Be me >In class >Weird girl comes up to me >"I f----- your mom lol" "That's not possible retard, my mom's straight" >FFW few years >MFW my parents get divorced cuz my mom turned out to be gay
File: very epic.png (22 KB, 600x600) O Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)20:17:19 No.854331243 >Be me >In class >Weird girl comes up to me >"I f----- your mom lol" "That's not possible retard, my mom's straight" >FFW few years >MFW my parents get divorced cuz my mom turned out to be gay

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Anon blows the whistle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)13:48:41 No.437054892 1534184356224.jpg (46 KB, 225x216) >>437055002>> >>437053446 >rap whistle >Have both a rap whistle and a r--- whistle. >go out >Oh no rapists! >Blow the whistle >0ops it was the rap whistle >bunch of black guys come in to drop some sick beats >mfw I'm getting r---- while 50 cents rhymes in the background.
Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)13:48:41 No.437054892 1534184356224.jpg (46 KB, 225x216) >>437055002>> >>437053446 >rap whistle >Have both a rap whistle and a r--- whistle. >go out >Oh no rapists! >Blow the whistle >0ops it was the rap whistle >bunch of black guys come in to drop some sick beats >mfw I'm getting r---- while 50 cents rhymes in the background.

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Anon is a neet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)22:34:15 No.854366307 >be me, normally a hard working independent man >suddenly get sick with an awful stomach virus >can't keep anything down for more than an hour 82 KB GIF >have to call in sick to work for a couple days >mom calls >l explain what I'm going through and she insists on taking care of me >makes me the best chicken tendie soup ever >just play vidya games and watch anime (until l'm back to wage-slaving) Is this what being a NEET is like? You guys have it made.
: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)22:34:15 No.854366307 >be me, normally a hard working independent man >suddenly get sick with an awful stomach virus >can't keep anything down for more than an hour 82 KB GIF >have to call in sick to work for a couple days >mom calls >l explain what I'm going through and she insists on taking care of me >makes me the best chicken tendie soup ever >just play vidya games and watch anime (until l'm back to wage-slaving) Is this what being a NEET is like? You guys have it made.

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Leg so hot | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 133TNIVQ ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:26 No.564954759 leg so hot hot hot leg leg so hot u fry an eg Anonymous (ID: 1U/GASB ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:51 No.564954840 what the actual f---
Anonymous (ID: 133TNIVQ ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:26 No.564954759 leg so hot hot hot leg leg so hot u fry an eg Anonymous (ID: 1U/GASB ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:51 No.564954840 what the actual f---

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Anon drives a delivery van | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/19(Wed)13:55:42 No.792533342 >be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all day >work is f------ boring as f--- >get new puppy >puppy is sad when I go to work >have idea 31 KB PNG >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy
: Anonymous 02/13/19(Wed)13:55:42 No.792533342 >be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all day >work is f------ boring as f--- >get new puppy >puppy is sad when I go to work >have idea 31 KB PNG >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy

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Anon eats his beans | /r/Greentext

/b/ Anonymous 11/05/20(Thu)23:58:05 No.839380552 (first greentext btw) >be me >in online school >usually when I'm on the phone and I have to fart I mute my mic do my business and then unmute >in online school we are muted the 19 KB JPG entire time >have to fart >already muted >unmute my mic, let out the Hiroshima of farts, 11 seconds at the least >mute my mic >my teacher starts laughing >mfw how the f--- do I join back class after this
/b/ Anonymous 11/05/20(Thu)23:58:05 No.839380552 (first greentext btw) >be me >in online school >usually when I'm on the phone and I have to fart I mute my mic do my business and then unmute >in online school we are muted the 19 KB JPG entire time >have to fart >already muted >unmute my mic, let out the Hiroshima of farts, 11 seconds at the least >mute my mic >my teacher starts laughing >mfw how the f--- do I join back class after this

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You know the rules | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)13:56:23 No.63450782 >sister's kids start screaming and get violent if she takes away their ipad lol why would anyone have kids in this day and age? 14 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)18:08:56 No.63452662 >>63450782 (OP) # >why would anyone have kids in this day and age? to take away their ipad 285 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)13:56:23 No.63450782 >sister's kids start screaming and get violent if she takes away their ipad lol why would anyone have kids in this day and age? 14 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)18:08:56 No.63452662 >>63450782 (OP) # >why would anyone have kids in this day and age? to take away their ipad 285 KB PNG

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Anon finds out the hard way | /r/Greentext

jpg (9 KB, 360x287) Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)12: 25 > googling Alzheimer's symptoms > all the links are purple. >mfw
jpg (9 KB, 360x287) Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)12: 25 > googling Alzheimer's symptoms > all the links are purple. >mfw

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Anon speaks to the great philosopher | /r/Greentext


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Anon takes a shower | /r/Greentext


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anon makes a realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)03:36:26 No.63663290 >we're halfway through 2021 29 KB JPG 12 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)03:36:26 No.63663290 >we're halfway through 2021 29 KB JPG 12 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon rejects Stacy | /r/Greentext

>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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Anon has a great dream | /r/Greentext

Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together >having dream about fighting. 37 KB JPG Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time
Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together >having dream about fighting. 37 KB JPG Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time

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Anon gets dumped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?
: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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Anon is waiting for the Nobel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/20(Sat)08:53:58 No.838978048 I just had the perfect idea. >vasectomies are reversible >[lightbulb] >enforce a new law >every child with a penis and testicles over the age of 5 must have a vasectomy performed on 719 KB PNG them >the vasectomy may not be legally reversed until the child becomes an adult and deliberately decides that he wants children >reversal is free >libtards are happy because they can f--- each other day in and day out without worrying about making babies >conservatrash is happy because abortions have dropped to zero as they are now rendered obsolete >where's my nobel Thoughts?
: Anonymous 10/31/20(Sat)08:53:58 No.838978048 I just had the perfect idea. >vasectomies are reversible >[lightbulb] >enforce a new law >every child with a penis and testicles over the age of 5 must have a vasectomy performed on 719 KB PNG them >the vasectomy may not be legally reversed until the child becomes an adult and deliberately decides that he wants children >reversal is free >libtards are happy because they can f--- each other day in and day out without worrying about making babies >conservatrash is happy because abortions have dropped to zero as they are now rendered obsolete >where's my nobel Thoughts?

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Anon should go outside | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)10:03:53 No.63663532 >see girl in the rankings on mobile game >look up her name HE FEELS He l DESTINED T sERIs. >find her insta >find her tiktok >watch tons of her vips 85 KB JPG >I love her english accent >imagine our life together >feel suicidal
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)10:03:53 No.63663532 >see girl in the rankings on mobile game >look up her name HE FEELS He l DESTINED T sERIs. >find her insta >find her tiktok >watch tons of her vips 85 KB JPG >I love her english accent >imagine our life together >feel suicidal

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Anon plays detective | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my 384 KB PNG finger in the blood then put it in my mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #
: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my 384 KB PNG finger in the blood then put it in my mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #

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