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Anons brother is the best prankster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)16:40:40 No.840133738 >be my brother >dad and brother hating each other >dad is a hardcore homophobic (but it's the ok homophobic because it's out of religious reasons) >brother has greatidea.exe 108 KB JPG >to prank dad he pretends to be gay >goes all in: making out in front of everyone, "accidentally“ leaving used condoms in his room etc. >he's doing the whole gay show >dad is furious and raging every day >wants brother to move out >brother keeps his show up and moves together with his "boyfriend“ >dad breaks up contact but brother keeps the show running, just in case >time forward brother marries new prank-boyfriend >dad is completely done with him >dad died >hilarious brother won't stop the prank >even goes a step further and buys a house with his prank-husband and they even adopt a child together >hilarious! >dad would be so furios if he'd know >brother is the best prankster of them all >pic is my brothers “husband“ receiving a prank- b------ from him when they're old
: Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)16:40:40 No.840133738 >be my brother >dad and brother hating each other >dad is a hardcore homophobic (but it's the ok homophobic because it's out of religious reasons) >brother has greatidea.exe 108 KB JPG >to prank dad he pretends to be gay >goes all in: making out in front of everyone, "accidentally“ leaving used condoms in his room etc. >he's doing the whole gay show >dad is furious and raging every day >wants brother to move out >brother keeps his show up and moves together with his "boyfriend“ >dad breaks up contact but brother keeps the show running, just in case >time forward brother marries new prank-boyfriend >dad is completely done with him >dad died >hilarious brother won't stop the prank >even goes a step further and buys a house with his prank-husband and they even adopt a child together >hilarious! >dad would be so furios if he'd know >brother is the best prankster of them all >pic is my brothers “husband“ receiving a prank- b------ from him when they're old

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Anon likes Elon Musk | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/15/21 (Sat) 20:24:48 No.254585 >>254620 File (hide): 1621106688329.png (47.36 KB, 255x201, 4b491f087eaa0f88353189f42f....png) >OMG ELON MUSK DID A THING!!! HE'S JUST LIKE ME!
Anonymous 05/15/21 (Sat) 20:24:48 No.254585 >>254620 File (hide): 1621106688329.png (47.36 KB, 255x201, 4b491f087eaa0f88353189f42f....png) >OMG ELON MUSK DID A THING!!! HE'S JUST LIKE ME!

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Anon works at McDonald's. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.747624916 >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked animatic >underpaid McDonald's employees when telling the 714th Rick and Morty fan that they can't have their McNasty meme sauce to dip their mcnugs in Source animatic 9.034 notes >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and l'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh l'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"
: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.747624916 >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked animatic >underpaid McDonald's employees when telling the 714th Rick and Morty fan that they can't have their McNasty meme sauce to dip their mcnugs in Source animatic 9.034 notes >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and l'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh l'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"

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Anon blames Israel. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)11:17:27 No.49127376 >be me >gamer >c-- on the floor >eat it >vomit on myself >blame Israel 345 KB PNG : Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)11:19:28 No.49127399 >>49127376 (OP) # IT WUS DA JEWS! THEIR FULT IM A FAILURE! >>49127717 # : Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)11:57:43 No.49127717 >>49127376 (OP) # >>49127399 # mock all you want, but have you seen any proof that the jews DIDN'T do it?
: Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)11:17:27 No.49127376 >be me >gamer >c-- on the floor >eat it >vomit on myself >blame Israel 345 KB PNG : Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)11:19:28 No.49127399 >>49127376 (OP) # IT WUS DA JEWS! THEIR FULT IM A FAILURE! >>49127717 # : Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)11:57:43 No.49127717 >>49127376 (OP) # >>49127399 # mock all you want, but have you seen any proof that the jews DIDN'T do it?

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Anon signs a petition | /r/Greentext

*CONCERN* >Be me >Have a grandpa who believes in Q, etc >l ask him on fb if he knows where Q comes from >He said it was a website called 4-something >Ask him if he ever been there >He say no >I send him the link to this marvelous website >l tell him Q came from /pol/ >Told him to never go to /b/ >A few hours pass by >Wondering what's up to >Suddenly he writes me back >Says he was horrified about everything he saw >Was especially shocked by the loli and shota threads >Has lost faith in Q and humanity >The next day >l see his fb page >He posted a petition to ban 4chan >He raided MAGA pages to share his petition >Apparently he wrote to all of his friends about the things he saw >l signed the petition so he wouldn't suspect I'm a /b/tard I wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut 50m (5/15 23:14) · 854500701 >>854500571 (OP) >Be me >have retarded grandkid who should kys F--- off loser. You're the worst
*CONCERN* >Be me >Have a grandpa who believes in Q, etc >l ask him on fb if he knows where Q comes from >He said it was a website called 4-something >Ask him if he ever been there >He say no >I send him the link to this marvelous website >l tell him Q came from /pol/ >Told him to never go to /b/ >A few hours pass by >Wondering what's up to >Suddenly he writes me back >Says he was horrified about everything he saw >Was especially shocked by the loli and shota threads >Has lost faith in Q and humanity >The next day >l see his fb page >He posted a petition to ban 4chan >He raided MAGA pages to share his petition >Apparently he wrote to all of his friends about the things he saw >l signed the petition so he wouldn't suspect I'm a /b/tard I wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut 50m (5/15 23:14) · 854500701 >>854500571 (OP) >Be me >have retarded grandkid who should kys F--- off loser. You're the worst

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Anon is being recognized | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:13:12 No.852508752 >do something bad >nobody was hurt but it was very immoral >feel disgusted by myself and vow never to do it again afterwards >nobody knows about it >if anyone knew, they would hate 22 KB JPG me How do I get over the guilt? I feel horrible... : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:14:19 No.852508819 >>852508752 (OP) # Same guy from last thread? You jerked off to some 16 year old on tik tok right? >>852508885 # >>852508993 # : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:15:29 No.852508885 >>852508819 # yes >>852508913 #
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:13:12 No.852508752 >do something bad >nobody was hurt but it was very immoral >feel disgusted by myself and vow never to do it again afterwards >nobody knows about it >if anyone knew, they would hate 22 KB JPG me How do I get over the guilt? I feel horrible... : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:14:19 No.852508819 >>852508752 (OP) # Same guy from last thread? You jerked off to some 16 year old on tik tok right? >>852508885 # >>852508993 # : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:15:29 No.852508885 >>852508819 # yes >>852508913 #

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Anon isn’t white | /r/Greentext

Robot 10 Mar 2018 243301 Black Bot feels >Be black >Walk through town with black homie >Homie sees a place called "White Washers" >Honkies offer to make a black man white $0.99 >Decide to try it out >Homie has a dollar >l only got 98 cents >Homie offers to go in first and give me the change afterwards >Homie goes in and comes out the handsomest hu-wh*te boi >Ask homie fo' da penny >Homie says "Get a job, n-----" >MFW ...
Robot 10 Mar 2018 243301 Black Bot feels >Be black >Walk through town with black homie >Homie sees a place called "White Washers" >Honkies offer to make a black man white $0.99 >Decide to try it out >Homie has a dollar >l only got 98 cents >Homie offers to go in first and give me the change afterwards >Homie goes in and comes out the handsomest hu-wh*te boi >Ask homie fo' da penny >Homie says "Get a job, n-----" >MFW ...

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Anon likes amogus | /r/Greentext

05/15/21(Sat)01:50:20 No.24165936 Anonymous Amogus ruined my marriage >be married >we are both relatively young for marriage >everyone says its too soon to get married >get married anyway >fast forward half a year, amogus memes litter the internet >"haha amogus" 402 KB JPG >tfw wife p----- about it >call her sus >she tells me she wants a divorce >tfw shes not joking >no hope after another braindead amogus joke >not liking the idea at all but we reached the point of no return >going to sign the divorce papers >exclaim "Emergency meeting!" >everyone p----- >call wife sus several times >before signing i tell everyone to vote wife >after signed, casually state >"Wife was an impostor" >go home >cry Why am i like this
05/15/21(Sat)01:50:20 No.24165936 Anonymous Amogus ruined my marriage >be married >we are both relatively young for marriage >everyone says its too soon to get married >get married anyway >fast forward half a year, amogus memes litter the internet >"haha amogus" 402 KB JPG >tfw wife p----- about it >call her sus >she tells me she wants a divorce >tfw shes not joking >no hope after another braindead amogus joke >not liking the idea at all but we reached the point of no return >going to sign the divorce papers >exclaim "Emergency meeting!" >everyone p----- >call wife sus several times >before signing i tell everyone to vote wife >after signed, casually state >"Wife was an impostor" >go home >cry Why am i like this

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Anon orders a beer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)19:43:55 No.771626441 Need help /b/ros. > Be me > Visit the US two weeks ago > Order a beer at the hotel, ask for a local brew > Get something called still beer that isn't carbonated > Best beer I've had 640 КВ ЈPG > Go back to Germany, can't find it anywhere :-c Where can I get still beer in Europe /b/ros??? : Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)19:50:34 No.771626925 bartender.jpg 212 KB JPG >be US hotel bartender >some eurofag comes in and wants a "local beer" >don't carry any "local beer"| >get idea >one of our beer lines has a broken connection to our CO2 tank, so it's always flat. >serve eurofag some skunky stale coors light that has been sitting on the broken line for months >call it "still beer" >silently kek and hope he tips well >>771627049 # >>771627386 # : Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)19:56:19 No.771627386 >>771626925 977 KB GIF
Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)19:43:55 No.771626441 Need help /b/ros. > Be me > Visit the US two weeks ago > Order a beer at the hotel, ask for a local brew > Get something called still beer that isn't carbonated > Best beer I've had 640 КВ ЈPG > Go back to Germany, can't find it anywhere :-c Where can I get still beer in Europe /b/ros??? : Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)19:50:34 No.771626925 bartender.jpg 212 KB JPG >be US hotel bartender >some eurofag comes in and wants a "local beer" >don't carry any "local beer"| >get idea >one of our beer lines has a broken connection to our CO2 tank, so it's always flat. >serve eurofag some skunky stale coors light that has been sitting on the broken line for months >call it "still beer" >silently kek and hope he tips well >>771627049 # >>771627386 # : Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)19:56:19 No.771627386 >>771626925 977 KB GIF

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Anon falls for Σ heavy bait | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:13:25 No.58066018 >>58065875 # Woah. that's E heavy cringe. I don't think I would date a woman under 6'3 >>58066044 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:15:35 No.58066044 >>58066018 # why do you keep writing sigma >>58066109 # >>58066463 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:52:07 No.58066463 >>58066044 # Σ balls
: Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:13:25 No.58066018 >>58065875 # Woah. that's E heavy cringe. I don't think I would date a woman under 6'3 >>58066044 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:15:35 No.58066044 >>58066018 # why do you keep writing sigma >>58066109 # >>58066463 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:52:07 No.58066463 >>58066044 # Σ balls

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Anon is off the grid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)20:57:57 No.63684304 >chief, this guy has no social media >no job record >no pictures >no girlfriend >he's a ghost 25 KB JPG 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)21:05:57 No.63684381 >>63684304 (OP)# >chief, we tried to pull a tail on him, but we cant even tell if hes got a car >he hasnt even got a drivers license on record >and when we looked for an address, the best we got was his mothers house >we did twenty days of surveillance and never saw him come in or out >we ended up pulling up old tax records, and we cant even find a single job on record >all we found is that, in 2019, he made $26 dollars trading on robinhood >no known associates, address, jobs, nothing >this guy's a pro >>63684489 #
: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)20:57:57 No.63684304 >chief, this guy has no social media >no job record >no pictures >no girlfriend >he's a ghost 25 KB JPG 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)21:05:57 No.63684381 >>63684304 (OP)# >chief, we tried to pull a tail on him, but we cant even tell if hes got a car >he hasnt even got a drivers license on record >and when we looked for an address, the best we got was his mothers house >we did twenty days of surveillance and never saw him come in or out >we ended up pulling up old tax records, and we cant even find a single job on record >all we found is that, in 2019, he made $26 dollars trading on robinhood >no known associates, address, jobs, nothing >this guy's a pro >>63684489 #

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Anon has a problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)09:04:54 No.854477520 Help me out /b >Be me >Real life gigachad Seriously, been over 6'2 since I was 15, always excelled at sports but absolutely stupid when it comes 38 KB JPG to women >Can't talk to women to save my life >Always told l'm overly sensitive but I just have some feelings >Have a manlet friend Literally a 5'5 d--- >Always scores with women >Has a f------ attitude but women love it >Helping him move one day and he picks up a side table and accidentally hits me in the back >"Ow, watch out Anon friend!" >"Ah, did someone get his feelings hurt?" >Smacks my arm and laughs >instanthardon.jpg What the f--- anons?! Does this mean I'm a f--? I don't want to be gay
: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)09:04:54 No.854477520 Help me out /b >Be me >Real life gigachad Seriously, been over 6'2 since I was 15, always excelled at sports but absolutely stupid when it comes 38 KB JPG to women >Can't talk to women to save my life >Always told l'm overly sensitive but I just have some feelings >Have a manlet friend Literally a 5'5 d--- >Always scores with women >Has a f------ attitude but women love it >Helping him move one day and he picks up a side table and accidentally hits me in the back >"Ow, watch out Anon friend!" >"Ah, did someone get his feelings hurt?" >Smacks my arm and laughs >instanthardon.jpg What the f--- anons?! Does this mean I'm a f--? I don't want to be gay

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Anons plot twist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)18:38:51 No.795899428 >be me >be 32 >Start a restaurant, cuz can cook >Pretty successful >Hire a 68 year old woman that's an ex hippy 25 KB JPG >Went to Woodstock and the whole bit >Despite be nearly 70, is actually trim as f--- >Start smoking pot with her on a regular basis >3 years go by >At her house getting high one night >She starts talking about how lonely shes been lately and asks if l'd spoon her >F--- it, why not >As soon as I do she starts grinding ass against my c--- >Umm, what's up? >Doesn't say a word, just reaches back, slides my pants down, latches onto my d--- and shoves it in her I just f----- the s--- out of a 71 year old and my balls have never been more drained. Ask me anything. 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)18:40:04 No.795899524 What sort of restaurant?
: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)18:38:51 No.795899428 >be me >be 32 >Start a restaurant, cuz can cook >Pretty successful >Hire a 68 year old woman that's an ex hippy 25 KB JPG >Went to Woodstock and the whole bit >Despite be nearly 70, is actually trim as f--- >Start smoking pot with her on a regular basis >3 years go by >At her house getting high one night >She starts talking about how lonely shes been lately and asks if l'd spoon her >F--- it, why not >As soon as I do she starts grinding ass against my c--- >Umm, what's up? >Doesn't say a word, just reaches back, slides my pants down, latches onto my d--- and shoves it in her I just f----- the s--- out of a 71 year old and my balls have never been more drained. Ask me anything. 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)18:40:04 No.795899524 What sort of restaurant?

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Anon plays Skyrim | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)05:57:01 No.854467758 >be me >low fps on hyper-modded skyrim >decide to manualy lower resolution (for a slightly lower number coz i dont have ocd) >do it once, works 70 KB JPG >second time it is not fullscreen nor borderless >look into it, steam has overwritten my choices >smuggabenewel.png >get scared >shut down computer so he wont find me >get text message from unknown number >"Too late" and a selfie of Todd Howard with an rpg on my street >mfw im scared bros what do i do
: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)05:57:01 No.854467758 >be me >low fps on hyper-modded skyrim >decide to manualy lower resolution (for a slightly lower number coz i dont have ocd) >do it once, works 70 KB JPG >second time it is not fullscreen nor borderless >look into it, steam has overwritten my choices >smuggabenewel.png >get scared >shut down computer so he wont find me >get text message from unknown number >"Too late" and a selfie of Todd Howard with an rpg on my street >mfw im scared bros what do i do

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Anon demonstrates his dominance | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)18:33:47 No.63682557 i p----- myself on purpose in elementary school >had to pee >other kids were talking to the teacher >didnt see any logic in asking her to go the bathroom 317 KB JPG >just p----- myself on purpose infront of everyone >looked at teacher as i did it >pure silence as everyone looks at me now that im done >she escorted me to the bathroom >she got me a change of clothing >got to colour in all day >nobody bullied me >they feared me i saw it in their eyes im also a female how many of you males have even come close to something like this? im betting none
: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)18:33:47 No.63682557 i p----- myself on purpose in elementary school >had to pee >other kids were talking to the teacher >didnt see any logic in asking her to go the bathroom 317 KB JPG >just p----- myself on purpose infront of everyone >looked at teacher as i did it >pure silence as everyone looks at me now that im done >she escorted me to the bathroom >she got me a change of clothing >got to colour in all day >nobody bullied me >they feared me i saw it in their eyes im also a female how many of you males have even come close to something like this? im betting none

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Anon has close relationship with soon to be daddy-in-law | /r/Greentext

5:17 PM 37% Anonymous 06/09/17(Fri)15:31:25 No.735296709 Alright l'll tell you the story you f----- >be me 16 >gf 15 >constant Bonner from no p---- 204 KB JPG >gf finally ready to take the trouser snake >family BBQ at her house >everyone outside BBQing >we go downsatirs >futon in the hallway >she takes of her pants leaves shirt on climbs on top of me >throw blanket over us while she rides me like a champ >suddenly sliding door to outside opens >fuuuuug it's her dad >dad drops beer on the floor immediately picks it up stuttering ss s sss sorry >gf screams out we are just laying here! >her basically sprints out the sliding door >can't believe she says we can continue but make it fast >c-- with the force of a thousand suns >my d--- is Thor's hammer MFW this was 9 years ago and we are now engaged and will be getting married in October MFW soon to be father in law watched me deflower his daughter ...
5:17 PM 37% Anonymous 06/09/17(Fri)15:31:25 No.735296709 Alright l'll tell you the story you f----- >be me 16 >gf 15 >constant Bonner from no p---- 204 KB JPG >gf finally ready to take the trouser snake >family BBQ at her house >everyone outside BBQing >we go downsatirs >futon in the hallway >she takes of her pants leaves shirt on climbs on top of me >throw blanket over us while she rides me like a champ >suddenly sliding door to outside opens >fuuuuug it's her dad >dad drops beer on the floor immediately picks it up stuttering ss s sss sorry >gf screams out we are just laying here! >her basically sprints out the sliding door >can't believe she says we can continue but make it fast >c-- with the force of a thousand suns >my d--- is Thor's hammer MFW this was 9 years ago and we are now engaged and will be getting married in October MFW soon to be father in law watched me deflower his daughter ...

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Anon discovers the cure | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/20(Sun)21:47:13 No.838633423 >be me >have severe constipation >go to store >lick every surface people have been touching >get the flu >get diarrhea >constipation gone 175 KB PNG
: Anonymous 10/25/20(Sun)21:47:13 No.838633423 >be me >have severe constipation >go to store >lick every surface people have been touching >get the flu >get diarrhea >constipation gone 175 KB PNG

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Anon finds the hot single | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)05:49:51 No.854467402 >be me >first man on mars >open up pornhub to celebrate >"hot singles near you" >l've searched for 4 years now >going home soon >I finally found her 334 KB JPG >had good sex >going home now >Nasa sent hot girls to mars >if you are wondering 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)05:49:51 No.854467402 >be me >first man on mars >open up pornhub to celebrate >"hot singles near you" >l've searched for 4 years now >going home soon >I finally found her 334 KB JPG >had good sex >going home now >Nasa sent hot girls to mars >if you are wondering 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)20:58:08 No.63085953 Ascension >at fencing today >facing off against one of the girls in my class 19 KB JPG >get a touch on her >l poked a girl with my saber Later virgins
: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)20:58:08 No.63085953 Ascension >at fencing today >facing off against one of the girls in my class 19 KB JPG >get a touch on her >l poked a girl with my saber Later virgins

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Anon has big sad | /r/Greentext

: Walrus !!pND+/6DSKL+ 08/11/18(Sat)10:19:46 No.47435677 >about to commit suicide >helium tank and gas mask assembly complete >equip mask >turn on tank 29 KB PNG >sit down in chair >close eyes >Dad opens door >"ANON WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING!?" >take off mask >prepare the most dramatic heartfelt speech I can muster >deep breath >forget there is helium in my lungs >the words "you'll never know the pain I've been through" come out like an Alvin and the chipmunks special >mfw he died laughing and left
: Walrus !!pND+/6DSKL+ 08/11/18(Sat)10:19:46 No.47435677 >about to commit suicide >helium tank and gas mask assembly complete >equip mask >turn on tank 29 KB PNG >sit down in chair >close eyes >Dad opens door >"ANON WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING!?" >take off mask >prepare the most dramatic heartfelt speech I can muster >deep breath >forget there is helium in my lungs >the words "you'll never know the pain I've been through" come out like an Alvin and the chipmunks special >mfw he died laughing and left

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