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Anon got a call from Chadnon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)17:28:29 No.61603722 >be me a few days ago >finally about to off myself after staying up for 3 days in a row >just as I am about to hang myself I get a phone call >"yo anon! It's chadbro, I'm back in town for a few weeks, I'm gonna come over soon alright?" >take the rope off and stop whatever I was doing 250 KB PNG >cry for a bit >wait >hear a knock on the door >open up >it's my brother >Instantly regret trying to kill myself even though l'll probably try again after he goes back >"you still live alone anon?" >"yeah, why?" >"sister is coming over soon too, we have just the right amount of rooms for the three of us" >don't know what to answer >fast forward to few days later >spending time with my siblings >keep regretting trying to off myself Don't do it bros, I know it was just a coincidence for me, but we can all be saved
: Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)17:28:29 No.61603722 >be me a few days ago >finally about to off myself after staying up for 3 days in a row >just as I am about to hang myself I get a phone call >"yo anon! It's chadbro, I'm back in town for a few weeks, I'm gonna come over soon alright?" >take the rope off and stop whatever I was doing 250 KB PNG >cry for a bit >wait >hear a knock on the door >open up >it's my brother >Instantly regret trying to kill myself even though l'll probably try again after he goes back >"you still live alone anon?" >"yeah, why?" >"sister is coming over soon too, we have just the right amount of rooms for the three of us" >don't know what to answer >fast forward to few days later >spending time with my siblings >keep regretting trying to off myself Don't do it bros, I know it was just a coincidence for me, but we can all be saved

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Anon sees an ad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw
: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw

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Anon embarrasses himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)23:58:05 No.854663125 >On break at work >Remember funny video I watched yesterday uncontrollablelaughter.gif >Cute new girl walks up to me and asks what's so funny >Show her this video of a cat falling to its 41 KB JPG death >She walks away silently and avoided me the rest of the day Here's the video if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LYJ- Qmqg2U&ab_channel=BrianHBrianH [Open] Am I retarded?
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)23:58:05 No.854663125 >On break at work >Remember funny video I watched yesterday uncontrollablelaughter.gif >Cute new girl walks up to me and asks what's so funny >Show her this video of a cat falling to its 41 KB JPG death >She walks away silently and avoided me the rest of the day Here's the video if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LYJ- Qmqg2U&ab_channel=BrianHBrianH [Open] Am I retarded?

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)22:23:00 No.854652604 >be me >go on twitter >get into random argument >It's the Jews >Get asked if i have proof >i say no 24 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)22:23:00 No.854652604 >be me >go on twitter >get into random argument >It's the Jews >Get asked if i have proof >i say no 24 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon is a boomertard | /r/Greentext

I tell ya' >opens a can of Bud Light kids these days >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't >begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV like they used to be >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the 52 KB PNG microwave Why back in my day >cheers as his favorite n---- catches the football we had some >asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no gosh darn >hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n' >blames Jose for all his problems pride >dies of a heart attack at age 58
I tell ya' >opens a can of Bud Light kids these days >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't >begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV like they used to be >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the 52 KB PNG microwave Why back in my day >cheers as his favorite n---- catches the football we had some >asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no gosh darn >hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n' >blames Jose for all his problems pride >dies of a heart attack at age 58

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Anon gets a new phone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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Anon is lonely and schizophrenic | /r/Greentext

>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week >She moved out while I was at work >Went into computer room >Her desk is completely empty 13 KB JPG >I sit down and browse the internet for a bit >Looking at random funny videos >Hours pass >Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at >"Hey you have to see th-" >Turn to see an empty desk beside mine I thought she was still here.
>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week >She moved out while I was at work >Went into computer room >Her desk is completely empty 13 KB JPG >I sit down and browse the internet for a bit >Looking at random funny videos >Hours pass >Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at >"Hey you have to see th-" >Turn to see an empty desk beside mine I thought she was still here.

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Fat anon craves a burger and loses virginity | /r/Greentext

What the F--- I just lost my Virginity >living in an apartment building >go down to get a burger, come back and take the elevator back up >a tiny cute asian girl joins me >19 floor ride up, the entire time she's acting bubbly and excited and keeps darting back looks at me >l'm 6'2 but l'm overweight and have no idea why I have a female interested in me >we get to my floor, the elevator stops, she steps to me and whispers in my ear "This is so random l'm sorry but the entire elevator ride I've been imaging you pounding the hell out of me haha" >I stand there in shock for like 5 seconds before blurting out "Well we can always make that fantasy a reality" >She follows me out of the elevator and I invite her inside my apartment and we just finished f------ for an hour straight, she gave me her number and just left I feel like I'm still dreaming
What the F--- I just lost my Virginity >living in an apartment building >go down to get a burger, come back and take the elevator back up >a tiny cute asian girl joins me >19 floor ride up, the entire time she's acting bubbly and excited and keeps darting back looks at me >l'm 6'2 but l'm overweight and have no idea why I have a female interested in me >we get to my floor, the elevator stops, she steps to me and whispers in my ear "This is so random l'm sorry but the entire elevator ride I've been imaging you pounding the hell out of me haha" >I stand there in shock for like 5 seconds before blurting out "Well we can always make that fantasy a reality" >She follows me out of the elevator and I invite her inside my apartment and we just finished f------ for an hour straight, she gave me her number and just left I feel like I'm still dreaming

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Anon shares his opinion | /r/Greentext


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Bottom text | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)15:27:59 No.473935131 >You know Ms. Bond, I too, have some black people in my family tree. And they're still hanging there. 289 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)15:27:59 No.473935131 >You know Ms. Bond, I too, have some black people in my family tree. And they're still hanging there. 289 KB JPG

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Anon Goes To The Doctor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)19:45:46 No.854670445 start a green text thread about your most autistic momemnt, l'll go first. >be me 14 >sick so i want to stay home >mom doesn't believe me so takes me to hospital to prove that i'm lying 37 KB JPG >wait for 3 hours before meeting doctor >hands me a cup, pic related, asks for urine sample >don't know what that means, look at Mom >mom tells me to use the bathroom(probably thought i was going to do it in front of doctor) >go bathroom, do the deed, come back hand mom the cup >anon w--.png >why did you s--- in the cup >mfw I wasn't supposed to s--- in it >mfw my perfectly square s--- that looks like it was sculpted by Michelangelo has to be flushed away. ok your turn anons. 70 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)19:45:46 No.854670445 start a green text thread about your most autistic momemnt, l'll go first. >be me 14 >sick so i want to stay home >mom doesn't believe me so takes me to hospital to prove that i'm lying 37 KB JPG >wait for 3 hours before meeting doctor >hands me a cup, pic related, asks for urine sample >don't know what that means, look at Mom >mom tells me to use the bathroom(probably thought i was going to do it in front of doctor) >go bathroom, do the deed, come back hand mom the cup >anon w--.png >why did you s--- in the cup >mfw I wasn't supposed to s--- in it >mfw my perfectly square s--- that looks like it was sculpted by Michelangelo has to be flushed away. ok your turn anons. 70 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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Anon visits the doctor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)18:17:06 No.8546419 >go to doctor for check-up >date of birth? >1995-04-29 >are you sexually active? >no
Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)18:17:06 No.8546419 >go to doctor for check-up >date of birth? >1995-04-29 >are you sexually active? >no

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Anon hates American women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)13:49:58 No.63712779 >be me >be american >be "vacationing" in Italy >look at all the women >90% of them are not fat and young >will be going to Spain and France later 282 KB PNG >will see the same thing >come back to America >average age is in the 40s in my state and 66% of all women in the nation are overweight/obese
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)13:49:58 No.63712779 >be me >be american >be "vacationing" in Italy >look at all the women >90% of them are not fat and young >will be going to Spain and France later 282 KB PNG >will see the same thing >come back to America >average age is in the 40s in my state and 66% of all women in the nation are overweight/obese

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Anon learns the truth | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49678806 43 mins ago >visit grandparents >walk by the kindergarten i attended 15 years ago >it says "for children with development delays" 32.6 kB PNG
Anonymous | 49678806 43 mins ago >visit grandparents >walk by the kindergarten i attended 15 years ago >it says "for children with development delays" 32.6 kB PNG

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Anon made a fatal mistake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/17(Tue)06:07:53 No.747652201 >be cashier >finish ringing up woman's groceries >she thanks me and says goodnight >"love you too mom" 33 KB JPG >she walks away >20 seconds later I realize what I said.
: Anonymous 10/10/17(Tue)06:07:53 No.747652201 >be cashier >finish ringing up woman's groceries >she thanks me and says goodnight >"love you too mom" 33 KB JPG >she walks away >20 seconds later I realize what I said.

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Anon falls in love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/12/20(Sat)06:38:45 No.835882362 Greentext's are dumb but f--- it. I have a story to tell >Me at college >Be at library. Looking for some books 394 KB PNG >See a girl sitting at a random table >She's f------ adorable. Dark hair, mesmerizing green eyes >not the most confided guy but think F--- it. l'll try >walk up to her and say a cheesy pick up line >doesn't respond >"Excuse me?" >She notices me and looks up at me >does something in sign language >Turns out she's deaf >excuse myself and turn around defeated. Way to embarrased to keep the conversation going >stop myself half way out the library >gather up all my courage and walk back >sit down next to her and write "You're cute. Want to go out?" On a sticky note >she reads it and looks at me >I smile like a dumbass while she looks me over >she eventually nods and scribbles her number on the note >her name is Alice >we go out that Friday >we have a great time >fast forward to a few months later >we're officially dating >learn sign language for her >getting pretty good at it >the first thing I learned to sign was "I love you" >Fast forward again to yesterday >Today is the day >Me, Her mom, brother and me are sitting in the doctor's office >they gradually turn up her implant >she starts crying because she hears her mom for the first time >I remain silent >her mom and brother and talking to her, crying all the while >eventually she looks at me >l move closer to he >tell her something I wanted to say from the day I met her in the library >"I love you. Please marry me" She said yes. I made the greatest day of her life just a little bit better. I love her so much 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 09/12/20(Sat)06:38:45 No.835882362 Greentext's are dumb but f--- it. I have a story to tell >Me at college >Be at library. Looking for some books 394 KB PNG >See a girl sitting at a random table >She's f------ adorable. Dark hair, mesmerizing green eyes >not the most confided guy but think F--- it. l'll try >walk up to her and say a cheesy pick up line >doesn't respond >"Excuse me?" >She notices me and looks up at me >does something in sign language >Turns out she's deaf >excuse myself and turn around defeated. Way to embarrased to keep the conversation going >stop myself half way out the library >gather up all my courage and walk back >sit down next to her and write "You're cute. Want to go out?" On a sticky note >she reads it and looks at me >I smile like a dumbass while she looks me over >she eventually nods and scribbles her number on the note >her name is Alice >we go out that Friday >we have a great time >fast forward to a few months later >we're officially dating >learn sign language for her >getting pretty good at it >the first thing I learned to sign was "I love you" >Fast forward again to yesterday >Today is the day >Me, Her mom, brother and me are sitting in the doctor's office >they gradually turn up her implant >she starts crying because she hears her mom for the first time >I remain silent >her mom and brother and talking to her, crying all the while >eventually she looks at me >l move closer to he >tell her something I wanted to say from the day I met her in the library >"I love you. Please marry me" She said yes. I made the greatest day of her life just a little bit better. I love her so much 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is trapped in a vicious cycle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)10:46:25 No.63707591 >play video game >want to make one >try learning to code >hate learning to code >stop learning to code >take break to play video game and go back to step 1 176 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)10:46:25 No.63707591 >play video game >want to make one >try learning to code >hate learning to code >stop learning to code >take break to play video game and go back to step 1 176 KB PNG

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Anon clicks a risky link | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/17(Sat)22:05:03 No.40105636 >I remember when I was about 9 years old there was this one blog that some guy kept about paranormal stuff that I used to 626 KB GIF go on all the time >I cant remember much about it now, but I know there was a main page with a bunch of links to pages he made about each particular subject >there was one link near the bottom of the main page that caught little 9-year-old me's attention >"warm wet p----"| >With shaking hands I clicked on it >A pop up >You must be 18 or older to view this page. Continue? Yes/No >l had never seen one of those age restriction warnings online before, and I was caught by surprise, so I pussied out >Years later I remember that site and that link out of nowhere >I had the same computer and it was still saved in my favorites from all those years ago >Go to the website >see its still there >click on "warm wet p----" >I wasnt 18 yet at the time but I didn't give a s--- >finally I would see, after so long And it was literally a single picture of some random ass man giving their cat a bath.
: Anonymous 09/30/17(Sat)22:05:03 No.40105636 >I remember when I was about 9 years old there was this one blog that some guy kept about paranormal stuff that I used to 626 KB GIF go on all the time >I cant remember much about it now, but I know there was a main page with a bunch of links to pages he made about each particular subject >there was one link near the bottom of the main page that caught little 9-year-old me's attention >"warm wet p----"| >With shaking hands I clicked on it >A pop up >You must be 18 or older to view this page. Continue? Yes/No >l had never seen one of those age restriction warnings online before, and I was caught by surprise, so I pussied out >Years later I remember that site and that link out of nowhere >I had the same computer and it was still saved in my favorites from all those years ago >Go to the website >see its still there >click on "warm wet p----" >I wasnt 18 yet at the time but I didn't give a s--- >finally I would see, after so long And it was literally a single picture of some random ass man giving their cat a bath.

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Anon doesn’t like the economy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)09:12:52 No.786349490 >be 8 y.o me >eating chicken tendies >my booty still leaking daddy's mayo from the good boy points loan I had to take out for them >he left for the bar 27 KB JPG >mommy comes home >"anon I know you don't have enough good boy points for those" "Daddy gave me a loan >"now you know all loans need to come through me. Looks like we need to get mommy's fake peenie weenie for a loan" "No mommy please" >pulls me away from my remaining tendies and takes me to her bank/bedroom >forces her fake peenie weenie into my booty for a good half an hour >when she's done she has a smokey and let's me go back to my temdies >they're cold This economy sucks
: Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)09:12:52 No.786349490 >be 8 y.o me >eating chicken tendies >my booty still leaking daddy's mayo from the good boy points loan I had to take out for them >he left for the bar 27 KB JPG >mommy comes home >"anon I know you don't have enough good boy points for those" "Daddy gave me a loan >"now you know all loans need to come through me. Looks like we need to get mommy's fake peenie weenie for a loan" "No mommy please" >pulls me away from my remaining tendies and takes me to her bank/bedroom >forces her fake peenie weenie into my booty for a good half an hour >when she's done she has a smokey and let's me go back to my temdies >they're cold This economy sucks

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Anon makes it | /r/Greentext

File: 686E6C4E-3042-42B6-A048-7(..).gif (136 KB, 220x212) Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)05:33:20 No.62936011 [Reply] D >friend invites me to his twitch stream >has a decent following >we start playing some vydia and talking >people start commenting about how funny l'am >the next day people ask if he can have me on the stream again Wow, it felt nice. >> Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)05:35:38 No.62936024 D
File: 686E6C4E-3042-42B6-A048-7(..).gif (136 KB, 220x212) Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)05:33:20 No.62936011 [Reply] D >friend invites me to his twitch stream >has a decent following >we start playing some vydia and talking >people start commenting about how funny l'am >the next day people ask if he can have me on the stream again Wow, it felt nice. >> Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)05:35:38 No.62936024 D

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