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Anons had a cool dream | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)20:52:02 No.9640943 >be me >be 8 >have cool dream that I am Iron man >wake up >mfw 13 КВ PNG Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)21:11:38 No.9640965 >>9640943 (OP) >Вe me >Have a cool dream about leading the sharks to rebel against humans >Wake up 35 KB JPG >mfw
Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)20:52:02 No.9640943 >be me >be 8 >have cool dream that I am Iron man >wake up >mfw 13 КВ PNG Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)21:11:38 No.9640965 >>9640943 (OP) >Вe me >Have a cool dream about leading the sharks to rebel against humans >Wake up 35 KB JPG >mfw

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Anon surveils | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/18(Wed)13:06:33 No.776592144 >chinese surveillance system checking peolpe on the streets >scans guy >1.300.000.000 possible matches 13 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/08/18(Wed)13:06:33 No.776592144 >chinese surveillance system checking peolpe on the streets >scans guy >1.300.000.000 possible matches 13 KB JPG

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Anon picks up pizza | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/21 (Mon)19:15:35 No.15680993 >go to store to pick up pizza >about to sign receipt >see they circled in 10% tip >change it to 0 >cashier rolls her eyes, hands me the pizza 31 KB JPG >hear one of them say whisper 'wow, did he really put 0' as l'm walking out Did I do something wrong? It's not like they delivered the pizza to my house. Should I have tipped in this situation?
: Anonymous 03/01/21 (Mon)19:15:35 No.15680993 >go to store to pick up pizza >about to sign receipt >see they circled in 10% tip >change it to 0 >cashier rolls her eyes, hands me the pizza 31 KB JPG >hear one of them say whisper 'wow, did he really put 0' as l'm walking out Did I do something wrong? It's not like they delivered the pizza to my house. Should I have tipped in this situation?

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Anon has game | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/24/12(Thu)08:10:11 No.2545562 >be at party >9/10 checking me out >dance with her >stare in eyes >shes got moon earrings >F--- JUST REMEMBERED >run out of party >drive home >spend whole night checking out lunar eclipse >no regrets
O Anonymous 05/24/12(Thu)08:10:11 No.2545562 >be at party >9/10 checking me out >dance with her >stare in eyes >shes got moon earrings >F--- JUST REMEMBERED >run out of party >drive home >spend whole night checking out lunar eclipse >no regrets

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Anon is caught watching porn | /r/Greentext

>15 >watching Asa Akira getting the bwc in my room >unaware mom came home >comes into my room without knocking >quickly close browser >whatwereyouwatchinganon.jpg >why lie, tell her it was p--- >asks me if it was straight p--- >tell her of course, duh >she smiles and hugs me and leaves the room >okaythatwasstrange.png >years later learn it was around the time she learnt my older brother was gay >she was relieved atm I'm not a h---
>15 >watching Asa Akira getting the bwc in my room >unaware mom came home >comes into my room without knocking >quickly close browser >whatwereyouwatchinganon.jpg >why lie, tell her it was p--- >asks me if it was straight p--- >tell her of course, duh >she smiles and hugs me and leaves the room >okaythatwasstrange.png >years later learn it was around the time she learnt my older brother was gay >she was relieved atm I'm not a h---

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Thoughts and prayers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)18:41:16 No.63638981 >YOU WILL CARE ABOUT THE PALESTINE AND ISRAEL CONFLICT >YOU WILL PICK A SIDE >YOU WILL NOT IGNORE IT >YOU WILL LISTEN TO 279 KB PNG TWITTERS POLITICAL RAMBLINGS ABOUT IT >YOU WILL FORM AN OPINION >YOU WILL FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE >YOU WILL SEND YOUR PRAYERS
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)18:41:16 No.63638981 >YOU WILL CARE ABOUT THE PALESTINE AND ISRAEL CONFLICT >YOU WILL PICK A SIDE >YOU WILL NOT IGNORE IT >YOU WILL LISTEN TO 279 KB PNG TWITTERS POLITICAL RAMBLINGS ABOUT IT >YOU WILL FORM AN OPINION >YOU WILL FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE >YOU WILL SEND YOUR PRAYERS

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Anon is a redditor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21 (Thu)12:03:53 No.555385772 76 KB JPG >THATS TOXIC YOU CANT SAY THAT!! >ADMIIIIIN!!
: Anonymous 05/13/21 (Thu)12:03:53 No.555385772 76 KB JPG >THATS TOXIC YOU CANT SAY THAT!! >ADMIIIIIN!!

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Anon is waking up | /r/Greentext

>blacks all have big dongs >based on what? >they all have big schlongs in p--- >everyone has big d---- in p---, even Mexican guys >yeah but that's p--- not real life and they all cherry-picked anyway ???
>blacks all have big dongs >based on what? >they all have big schlongs in p--- >everyone has big d---- in p---, even Mexican guys >yeah but that's p--- not real life and they all cherry-picked anyway ???

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Anon studies with youtube | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)09:16:12 No.62356259 >read provided course math textbook >be hopelessly confused, not even begin to understand >go to 2 hr class, lose track in 5 minutes 267 KB PNG >go home and copy paste homework instructions into youtube >understand how to do it in 5 minutes
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)09:16:12 No.62356259 >read provided course math textbook >be hopelessly confused, not even begin to understand >go to 2 hr class, lose track in 5 minutes 267 KB PNG >go home and copy paste homework instructions into youtube >understand how to do it in 5 minutes

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Anon gets a mysterious phone call | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)10:09:21 No.28149598 >>28094304 (OP) # >be me, about 21 years old >chilling in the lounge on a Saturday arvo with two bros, waiting for more mates and our girls to show up for drinks 18 KB JPG >get phone call >it's from my own number, which is pretty weird >answer the call and it's all staticky and muffled but I can hear a bunch of people talking and some metal playing - hed pe's bartender >goes on for a few seconds before there's louder scuffling and scratching >voice says "ah f---, butt dialled someone lol" then call ends >a few hours later, everyone is chilling, chatting and whatnot. Gonna go have a smoke on the balcony, grab my ciggies and my phone and see I called someone. Say "ah f---, butt dialled someone, lol" >mfw it clicks.
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)10:09:21 No.28149598 >>28094304 (OP) # >be me, about 21 years old >chilling in the lounge on a Saturday arvo with two bros, waiting for more mates and our girls to show up for drinks 18 KB JPG >get phone call >it's from my own number, which is pretty weird >answer the call and it's all staticky and muffled but I can hear a bunch of people talking and some metal playing - hed pe's bartender >goes on for a few seconds before there's louder scuffling and scratching >voice says "ah f---, butt dialled someone lol" then call ends >a few hours later, everyone is chilling, chatting and whatnot. Gonna go have a smoke on the balcony, grab my ciggies and my phone and see I called someone. Say "ah f---, butt dialled someone, lol" >mfw it clicks.

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Anon has a Brother | /r/Greentext

11/15/18(Thu)20:45:40 No.784939733 >be me Stock >have annoying brother addicted to fortnite >always starts shouting things at his f------ friends while playing 218 KB JPG >one day >decide l'm done with his s--- >get idea >go to router >turn it off, then turn it on again after a minute >meanwhile internet obviously is disconnected >did this about 10 times in a row >every f------ time he spazzes like a retard >ultimately stops playing and does something else >mfw l've done this like 20 times this month and each time he starts crying and screaming >mfw he hasn't suspected a thing >mfw I'm literally doing this right now 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
11/15/18(Thu)20:45:40 No.784939733 >be me Stock >have annoying brother addicted to fortnite >always starts shouting things at his f------ friends while playing 218 KB JPG >one day >decide l'm done with his s--- >get idea >go to router >turn it off, then turn it on again after a minute >meanwhile internet obviously is disconnected >did this about 10 times in a row >every f------ time he spazzes like a retard >ultimately stops playing and does something else >mfw l've done this like 20 times this month and each time he starts crying and screaming >mfw he hasn't suspected a thing >mfw I'm literally doing this right now 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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i found this one in a random folder | /r/Greentext

What's your most shameful fap? It can be your most cringe-worthy fap or a fap that showed you the depths of your deviancy. 32 KB JPG Cringe-worthy: >Probably about 14 or 15 years old >Have f------ dial-up internet (rural-f-- here) >Family goes to bed >Try to connect to interwebs >Connection fails repeatedly >Get hornier by the second >Get an idea >Open a program called "Pivot StickFigure Animator" (lets you make little stop-motion movies) >Make a stick figure with a big-ol' dong >Make a stick figure with long hair and t------ >Go through painful task of animating them engaged in foreplay >StickLady blows StickDude >l c-- >Delete my movie >Shutdown PC >Go to bed >Mind represses this memory for about 12 years >Memory floods back after I finish f------ my fiance >Laugh for a goddamned hour
What's your most shameful fap? It can be your most cringe-worthy fap or a fap that showed you the depths of your deviancy. 32 KB JPG Cringe-worthy: >Probably about 14 or 15 years old >Have f------ dial-up internet (rural-f-- here) >Family goes to bed >Try to connect to interwebs >Connection fails repeatedly >Get hornier by the second >Get an idea >Open a program called "Pivot StickFigure Animator" (lets you make little stop-motion movies) >Make a stick figure with a big-ol' dong >Make a stick figure with long hair and t------ >Go through painful task of animating them engaged in foreplay >StickLady blows StickDude >l c-- >Delete my movie >Shutdown PC >Go to bed >Mind represses this memory for about 12 years >Memory floods back after I finish f------ my fiance >Laugh for a goddamned hour

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Anon got a call from Chadnon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)17:28:29 No.61603722 >be me a few days ago >finally about to off myself after staying up for 3 days in a row >just as I am about to hang myself I get a phone call >"yo anon! It's chadbro, I'm back in town for a few weeks, I'm gonna come over soon alright?" >take the rope off and stop whatever I was doing 250 KB PNG >cry for a bit >wait >hear a knock on the door >open up >it's my brother >Instantly regret trying to kill myself even though l'll probably try again after he goes back >"you still live alone anon?" >"yeah, why?" >"sister is coming over soon too, we have just the right amount of rooms for the three of us" >don't know what to answer >fast forward to few days later >spending time with my siblings >keep regretting trying to off myself Don't do it bros, I know it was just a coincidence for me, but we can all be saved
: Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)17:28:29 No.61603722 >be me a few days ago >finally about to off myself after staying up for 3 days in a row >just as I am about to hang myself I get a phone call >"yo anon! It's chadbro, I'm back in town for a few weeks, I'm gonna come over soon alright?" >take the rope off and stop whatever I was doing 250 KB PNG >cry for a bit >wait >hear a knock on the door >open up >it's my brother >Instantly regret trying to kill myself even though l'll probably try again after he goes back >"you still live alone anon?" >"yeah, why?" >"sister is coming over soon too, we have just the right amount of rooms for the three of us" >don't know what to answer >fast forward to few days later >spending time with my siblings >keep regretting trying to off myself Don't do it bros, I know it was just a coincidence for me, but we can all be saved

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Anon sees an ad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw
: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw

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Anon embarrasses himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)23:58:05 No.854663125 >On break at work >Remember funny video I watched yesterday uncontrollablelaughter.gif >Cute new girl walks up to me and asks what's so funny >Show her this video of a cat falling to its 41 KB JPG death >She walks away silently and avoided me the rest of the day Here's the video if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LYJ- Qmqg2U&ab_channel=BrianHBrianH [Open] Am I retarded?
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)23:58:05 No.854663125 >On break at work >Remember funny video I watched yesterday uncontrollablelaughter.gif >Cute new girl walks up to me and asks what's so funny >Show her this video of a cat falling to its 41 KB JPG death >She walks away silently and avoided me the rest of the day Here's the video if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LYJ- Qmqg2U&ab_channel=BrianHBrianH [Open] Am I retarded?

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)22:23:00 No.854652604 >be me >go on twitter >get into random argument >It's the Jews >Get asked if i have proof >i say no 24 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)22:23:00 No.854652604 >be me >go on twitter >get into random argument >It's the Jews >Get asked if i have proof >i say no 24 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon is a boomertard | /r/Greentext

I tell ya' >opens a can of Bud Light kids these days >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't >begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV like they used to be >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the 52 KB PNG microwave Why back in my day >cheers as his favorite n---- catches the football we had some >asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no gosh darn >hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n' >blames Jose for all his problems pride >dies of a heart attack at age 58
I tell ya' >opens a can of Bud Light kids these days >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't >begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV like they used to be >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the 52 KB PNG microwave Why back in my day >cheers as his favorite n---- catches the football we had some >asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no gosh darn >hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n' >blames Jose for all his problems pride >dies of a heart attack at age 58

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Anon gets a new phone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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Anon is lonely and schizophrenic | /r/Greentext

>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week >She moved out while I was at work >Went into computer room >Her desk is completely empty 13 KB JPG >I sit down and browse the internet for a bit >Looking at random funny videos >Hours pass >Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at >"Hey you have to see th-" >Turn to see an empty desk beside mine I thought she was still here.
>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week >She moved out while I was at work >Went into computer room >Her desk is completely empty 13 KB JPG >I sit down and browse the internet for a bit >Looking at random funny videos >Hours pass >Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at >"Hey you have to see th-" >Turn to see an empty desk beside mine I thought she was still here.

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Fat anon craves a burger and loses virginity | /r/Greentext

What the F--- I just lost my Virginity >living in an apartment building >go down to get a burger, come back and take the elevator back up >a tiny cute asian girl joins me >19 floor ride up, the entire time she's acting bubbly and excited and keeps darting back looks at me >l'm 6'2 but l'm overweight and have no idea why I have a female interested in me >we get to my floor, the elevator stops, she steps to me and whispers in my ear "This is so random l'm sorry but the entire elevator ride I've been imaging you pounding the hell out of me haha" >I stand there in shock for like 5 seconds before blurting out "Well we can always make that fantasy a reality" >She follows me out of the elevator and I invite her inside my apartment and we just finished f------ for an hour straight, she gave me her number and just left I feel like I'm still dreaming
What the F--- I just lost my Virginity >living in an apartment building >go down to get a burger, come back and take the elevator back up >a tiny cute asian girl joins me >19 floor ride up, the entire time she's acting bubbly and excited and keeps darting back looks at me >l'm 6'2 but l'm overweight and have no idea why I have a female interested in me >we get to my floor, the elevator stops, she steps to me and whispers in my ear "This is so random l'm sorry but the entire elevator ride I've been imaging you pounding the hell out of me haha" >I stand there in shock for like 5 seconds before blurting out "Well we can always make that fantasy a reality" >She follows me out of the elevator and I invite her inside my apartment and we just finished f------ for an hour straight, she gave me her number and just left I feel like I'm still dreaming

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