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Anon likes impractical jokers. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:09:10 No.63745082 >haven't laughed in months >feel sad all the time LJUKERS DIE >watch impractical jokers for the first time >spend hours laughing so hard my abs hurt thank you impractical jokers 134 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:10:57 No.63745103 >>63745082 (OP) # These men have saved me from a few bad acid trips. Any time I feel anxious I turn up the space heater and watch some jokers. Makes me feel better every time.
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:09:10 No.63745082 >haven't laughed in months >feel sad all the time LJUKERS DIE >watch impractical jokers for the first time >spend hours laughing so hard my abs hurt thank you impractical jokers 134 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:10:57 No.63745103 >>63745082 (OP) # These men have saved me from a few bad acid trips. Any time I feel anxious I turn up the space heater and watch some jokers. Makes me feel better every time.

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Anon has a cheeky day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)18:04:06 No.854835459 >be me >British >Finish my cauldron of tea and decide to have a cheeky wank >go into my room and enter my p--- registration number into pornbruv.uk >facial scan complete, login 26 KB JPG successfully >smashing.jpg >pull out my wanking permit just in case the coppers do a willy check >bloody hell it's 2 days expired >still have my shagging license though >decide to go find a fit bird to shag >head down to the pub and order a pint >start chatting up a bird there >she tells me to get bent >bit sloshed so I keep at it >she pulls out an unlicensed spoon and stabs me in the fanny >coppers come and take her away >turns out she had rubbed the serial number off of the spoon and there was no way Scotland Yard could use the weapon to track her down >fair enough, decide to walk back to my flat >hear "allahu akbar" and an explosion >die >pretty cheeky day overall
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)18:04:06 No.854835459 >be me >British >Finish my cauldron of tea and decide to have a cheeky wank >go into my room and enter my p--- registration number into pornbruv.uk >facial scan complete, login 26 KB JPG successfully >smashing.jpg >pull out my wanking permit just in case the coppers do a willy check >bloody hell it's 2 days expired >still have my shagging license though >decide to go find a fit bird to shag >head down to the pub and order a pint >start chatting up a bird there >she tells me to get bent >bit sloshed so I keep at it >she pulls out an unlicensed spoon and stabs me in the fanny >coppers come and take her away >turns out she had rubbed the serial number off of the spoon and there was no way Scotland Yard could use the weapon to track her down >fair enough, decide to walk back to my flat >hear "allahu akbar" and an explosion >die >pretty cheeky day overall

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Birthdayboi | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)22:01:01 No.853563279 >be me >birthdayboy.jpeg >Sit alone in a dark room for the entire day, eating crackers and drinking cheap wine >Crackers aren't crunchy because I opened them yesterday >Wine tastes like pee, except worse 13 KB JPG >No letters >No phone calls >Check Facebook >Light illuminates my room, reflecting against my sad pasty face >No notifications >Friend list got smaller >They must have unfriended me after Fb notified them of my existence Why must God hurt me this way?
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)22:01:01 No.853563279 >be me >birthdayboy.jpeg >Sit alone in a dark room for the entire day, eating crackers and drinking cheap wine >Crackers aren't crunchy because I opened them yesterday >Wine tastes like pee, except worse 13 KB JPG >No letters >No phone calls >Check Facebook >Light illuminates my room, reflecting against my sad pasty face >No notifications >Friend list got smaller >They must have unfriended me after Fb notified them of my existence Why must God hurt me this way?

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Anon is smort | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:14:08 No.854821115 >Be me >21 M college student >Never watched online lectures live >ldea.jpg >Wrote a python script to automatically login to the scheduled meetings >Sleep peacefully in the morning every day 70 KB JPG >All lectures are recorded and stored in some drive for students to access later >Watch movies every day or do anything but study for exams for months >Feelsgoodman.jpg >Be me a week before finals >Watch all the videos at 2x and understand properly >Study day and night >Scored more than the nerds who engage in every single lectures every morning >Mfw I scored highest in two subjects in my class
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:14:08 No.854821115 >Be me >21 M college student >Never watched online lectures live >ldea.jpg >Wrote a python script to automatically login to the scheduled meetings >Sleep peacefully in the morning every day 70 KB JPG >All lectures are recorded and stored in some drive for students to access later >Watch movies every day or do anything but study for exams for months >Feelsgoodman.jpg >Be me a week before finals >Watch all the videos at 2x and understand properly >Study day and night >Scored more than the nerds who engage in every single lectures every morning >Mfw I scored highest in two subjects in my class

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Anon makes a grave mistake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:02:42 No.63744194 >forget real life isn't 4chan and called my boss a n----- 233 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:02:42 No.63744194 >forget real life isn't 4chan and called my boss a n----- 233 KB PNG

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Anon gets a kiss on b day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:24:02 No.50148958 >Happy New Year's Eve, anon! So which lucky lady are you kissing at midnight? 247 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:26:18 No.50148995 >>50148958 (OP) # The barrel of my shotgun probably.
: Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:24:02 No.50148958 >Happy New Year's Eve, anon! So which lucky lady are you kissing at midnight? 247 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:26:18 No.50148995 >>50148958 (OP) # The barrel of my shotgun probably.

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Anon is qualified | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/20(Mon)01:52:34 No.137379681 >You must be anon right? 25 unemployed, no drivers license, no university degree and no signs of a girlfriend in the registry. >Welcome aboard. 54 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/03/20(Mon)01:52:34 No.137379681 >You must be anon right? 25 unemployed, no drivers license, no university degree and no signs of a girlfriend in the registry. >Welcome aboard. 54 KB JPG

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Anon is a NEET | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)13:59:55 No.854808563 >born into this world without my consent >want NEET life but not rich and no friends or family >decide to find a way to NEET >leave wallet and all forms of ID at 541 KB PNG home >no ID, no money, nothing. I am basically a ghost now >go to walmart >lay down in isle >don't move or respond to anything >eventually cops/ambulance will be called >they arrive and take me away, but still not responding, just doing absolutely nothing >they can't discharge me from hospital or from jail since they don't know who I am or where I live >can't just leave me outside to die >they are forced to take care of me >all while I just lay there and do nothing >the perfect NEET life 10 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)13:59:55 No.854808563 >born into this world without my consent >want NEET life but not rich and no friends or family >decide to find a way to NEET >leave wallet and all forms of ID at 541 KB PNG home >no ID, no money, nothing. I am basically a ghost now >go to walmart >lay down in isle >don't move or respond to anything >eventually cops/ambulance will be called >they arrive and take me away, but still not responding, just doing absolutely nothing >they can't discharge me from hospital or from jail since they don't know who I am or where I live >can't just leave me outside to die >they are forced to take care of me >all while I just lay there and do nothing >the perfect NEET life 10 Replies View Thread

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Anon cuts tomatoes | /r/Greentext

12m (5/19 18:28) · 63742457 3 Re · 1 Img · JPG · 95KB · (720 × 676) 4 Replies A huge f------ hole coming right up >last night >Be me, 19, straight dude >at work in a restaurant >not doing anything for a few minutes >salad chef (18 yo, skinny, like 5 foot 3) asks me to cut cherry tomatoes >ask him how much >he hands me the plastic container that he keeps tomatoes in >he smiles at me and says "fill me up buttercup" >INSTANT massive boner Am I gay anons?
12m (5/19 18:28) · 63742457 3 Re · 1 Img · JPG · 95KB · (720 × 676) 4 Replies A huge f------ hole coming right up >last night >Be me, 19, straight dude >at work in a restaurant >not doing anything for a few minutes >salad chef (18 yo, skinny, like 5 foot 3) asks me to cut cherry tomatoes >ask him how much >he hands me the plastic container that he keeps tomatoes in >he smiles at me and says "fill me up buttercup" >INSTANT massive boner Am I gay anons?

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Anon detonates a bomb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)11:31:04 No.151125492 >"Ok, now cut the red wire" >"They're ALL red wires!" 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)11:35:41 No.151125610 >"Cut the red wire." >"There is no red wire!" 29 KB PNG : Anonymous 05/19/21 (Wed)11:36:44 No.151125638 >we've only got 30 seconds before this bomb detonates >scene goes on for 2 minutes 143 KB JPG >>151125774 # >>151127972 # : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)11:37:36 No.151125652 >bomb ends with 1 second left 23 KB JPG >>151125767 #
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)11:31:04 No.151125492 >"Ok, now cut the red wire" >"They're ALL red wires!" 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)11:35:41 No.151125610 >"Cut the red wire." >"There is no red wire!" 29 KB PNG : Anonymous 05/19/21 (Wed)11:36:44 No.151125638 >we've only got 30 seconds before this bomb detonates >scene goes on for 2 minutes 143 KB JPG >>151125774 # >>151127972 # : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)11:37:36 No.151125652 >bomb ends with 1 second left 23 KB JPG >>151125767 #

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Anon doesn‘t smoke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)18:50:0 >Stranger walks up to me >"Hey, got a smoke?" >"No, sorry, I don't smoke." >"That's good. You shouldn't." 14 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)18:50:0 >Stranger walks up to me >"Hey, got a smoke?" >"No, sorry, I don't smoke." >"That's good. You shouldn't." 14 KB JPG

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Anon has an autistic stepsister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)21:02:29 No.49591017 >played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister >all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling >mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin 1.48 MB GIF her >>49591073 #
: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)21:02:29 No.49591017 >played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister >all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling >mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin 1.48 MB GIF her >>49591073 #

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Self discovery | /r/Greentext

00 00 00 00 00 00 00 So i had a dream last night. >be me >Straight guy >In my room >Decide to go to the mall >For some reason i start putting on makeup >Grab a black dress that reveals quite a lot of cleavage >Suddenly i have t--- for some reason >Grab a skateboard and head to the mall >Have a slice of pizza >Five minutes later end up sucking a guy off. Am i just secretly a t-----? >Pic related 26m (5/4 17:51) · 853653068 You're not secretly a f----- 13m (5/4 18:04) · 853653850 >>853653015 (OP) >straight guy yeah sure buddy
00 00 00 00 00 00 00 So i had a dream last night. >be me >Straight guy >In my room >Decide to go to the mall >For some reason i start putting on makeup >Grab a black dress that reveals quite a lot of cleavage >Suddenly i have t--- for some reason >Grab a skateboard and head to the mall >Have a slice of pizza >Five minutes later end up sucking a guy off. Am i just secretly a t-----? >Pic related 26m (5/4 17:51) · 853653068 You're not secretly a f----- 13m (5/4 18:04) · 853653850 >>853653015 (OP) >straight guy yeah sure buddy

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Anon goes to a music store | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)15:43:35 No.95320476 >go to GUITAR center >buy a drum kit and a flute 201 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)16:51:57 No.95321653 >go to MUSIC store >ask about percussion instruments >buy cheap headphones and never come back 35 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)16:53:42 No.95321689 >Go to GUITAR center >Mess up all the tunings >Inquire about a guitar >Don't buy it >Rate the store 0 stars online 9 KB PNG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)16:58:43 No.95321764 >go to MUSIC store >play rap 959 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)17:01:49 No.95321824 >go to GUITAR store >play Smoke on the water, Enter Sandman, Smells like teen spirit, Satisfaction, Stairway to heaven, Sweet child o'mine, Highway to hell, On GP, Sweet home Alabama and Seven nation army in THAT 192 KB JPG order : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)17:07:28 No.95321912 >go to MUSIC store >take a s--- 97 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)15:43:35 No.95320476 >go to GUITAR center >buy a drum kit and a flute 201 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)16:51:57 No.95321653 >go to MUSIC store >ask about percussion instruments >buy cheap headphones and never come back 35 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)16:53:42 No.95321689 >Go to GUITAR center >Mess up all the tunings >Inquire about a guitar >Don't buy it >Rate the store 0 stars online 9 KB PNG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)16:58:43 No.95321764 >go to MUSIC store >play rap 959 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)17:01:49 No.95321824 >go to GUITAR store >play Smoke on the water, Enter Sandman, Smells like teen spirit, Satisfaction, Stairway to heaven, Sweet child o'mine, Highway to hell, On GP, Sweet home Alabama and Seven nation army in THAT 192 KB JPG order : Anonymous 05/18/20(Mon)17:07:28 No.95321912 >go to MUSIC store >take a s--- 97 KB JPG

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Anon struggles to cope | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:11:38 No.854761538 >be me >got big head >hat don't fit damn 303 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:11:38 No.854761538 >be me >got big head >hat don't fit damn 303 KB JPG

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Shut up and dance | /r/Greentext

RA Greentext I suppose > Be me, 16 yo > 2016 > Party Rock Anthem is already old but I discover their music videos > Learn to shuffle dance because those videos are the best f------ thing to ever exist and I watch them all the time > I'm a bit fat, very shy, good grades, very nerdy, 23 KB JPG but now I know how to dance > Fast forward 2 years, my high school class goes on a cruise ship > There's some sort of talent show, I decide to dance shuffle there because why the f--- not > I act, dance to Sorry For Party Rocking, end, then go to sleep > Next day every f------ body on the cruise ship knows me, apparently no one else knew how to dance shuffle > Go to the rest of the parties, dance all night, but never with a girl because I'm a beta virgin > Last night, a girl aproaches me > We dance, she tells me her room before leaving > After the party ends, go to her room. I expected to talk or something > Her room is full of other girls and boys, but she comes out > "Well, I expected to hang out at your place femanon but it seems full" > "Yeah, how about we go to your room anon?" > Hold the f--- up > This isn't like in the animes > This is not happening > Go to my room > Proceed to make out > Lift her shirt > Take out her bra > End up losing my virginity to this chick > All of this because these f------ made Party Rock Anthem Learn to dance guys, it is never too late.
RA Greentext I suppose > Be me, 16 yo > 2016 > Party Rock Anthem is already old but I discover their music videos > Learn to shuffle dance because those videos are the best f------ thing to ever exist and I watch them all the time > I'm a bit fat, very shy, good grades, very nerdy, 23 KB JPG but now I know how to dance > Fast forward 2 years, my high school class goes on a cruise ship > There's some sort of talent show, I decide to dance shuffle there because why the f--- not > I act, dance to Sorry For Party Rocking, end, then go to sleep > Next day every f------ body on the cruise ship knows me, apparently no one else knew how to dance shuffle > Go to the rest of the parties, dance all night, but never with a girl because I'm a beta virgin > Last night, a girl aproaches me > We dance, she tells me her room before leaving > After the party ends, go to her room. I expected to talk or something > Her room is full of other girls and boys, but she comes out > "Well, I expected to hang out at your place femanon but it seems full" > "Yeah, how about we go to your room anon?" > Hold the f--- up > This isn't like in the animes > This is not happening > Go to my room > Proceed to make out > Lift her shirt > Take out her bra > End up losing my virginity to this chick > All of this because these f------ made Party Rock Anthem Learn to dance guys, it is never too late.

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Anon forgot to take his meds | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/13/11(Thu)21:50:0 No.302167405 not my story, but one I had seen like 7 months ago. >have spiderbro >eats random bugs and s--- in my kitchen >once killed a mouse >we live happily together for a few months >one night, go to bars and pick up girl >bring girl home, end up heading to my bedroom >spiderbro is on wall >girl screams runs home >get so angry I kill spiderbro for denying me my needs >find out from friend couple days later that the girl had herpes >spiderbro knew >sadface.jpg
Anonymous 01/13/11(Thu)21:50:0 No.302167405 not my story, but one I had seen like 7 months ago. >have spiderbro >eats random bugs and s--- in my kitchen >once killed a mouse >we live happily together for a few months >one night, go to bars and pick up girl >bring girl home, end up heading to my bedroom >spiderbro is on wall >girl screams runs home >get so angry I kill spiderbro for denying me my needs >find out from friend couple days later that the girl had herpes >spiderbro knew >sadface.jpg

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Anon is Mentally Handicapped | /r/Greentext

File: image.jpg (37 KB, 405x509) >be me in high school >walk into class and sit next to girl >she's handicapped and in a wheelchair >she's also a smartass >pull out chemistry homework >get stuck on the first question >"hey, can you help me with this?" >ignored >ask again >she does it but is an ass about it >she says, "this is the easiest thing i've done all day" >p-----.jpg >the intercom tuns on for the pledges >everyone stands >the bitch is still in her wheelchair >time to give her what she deserves >bend down and tell her "this is the easiest thing l've done all day"
File: image.jpg (37 KB, 405x509) >be me in high school >walk into class and sit next to girl >she's handicapped and in a wheelchair >she's also a smartass >pull out chemistry homework >get stuck on the first question >"hey, can you help me with this?" >ignored >ask again >she does it but is an ass about it >she says, "this is the easiest thing i've done all day" >p-----.jpg >the intercom tuns on for the pledges >everyone stands >the bitch is still in her wheelchair >time to give her what she deserves >bend down and tell her "this is the easiest thing l've done all day"

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Suicide hotline anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 815056689 1시간 전 ··. Hey /b/ I need to tell you guys a story >Be me >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls >Notice a man has made a donation of 124.0 kB PNG $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple years >Check to see if there's a note with the donations >They all read something like as follows "To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day" >l asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young >That money is his son's allowance Don't think that people won't miss you, or people will forget you, you are loved anon even if you don't feel it right now. 3 REPLIES 3 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 815056689 1시간 전 ··. Hey /b/ I need to tell you guys a story >Be me >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls >Notice a man has made a donation of 124.0 kB PNG $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple years >Check to see if there's a note with the donations >They all read something like as follows "To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day" >l asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young >That money is his son's allowance Don't think that people won't miss you, or people will forget you, you are loved anon even if you don't feel it right now. 3 REPLIES 3 IMAGES REPLY

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[REQUEST] Looking for a greentext | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/25/19(Mon)21:12:21 No.793612356 >be me >bee me >be bee >bee bee >bee 6 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/25/19(Mon)21:12:21 No.793612356 >be me >bee me >be bee >bee bee >bee 6 KB JPG

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