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Anon is a saviour. | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 02/18/18(Sun)23:03:49 No.760310831 File: received 1974516546119619.jpg (24 KB, 541x642) >>760311467 >be me >8 years old >playing around in my dads car >looking at the guages >think the car is empty because the fuel guage says low >remember that he has a important meeting in town the next day >idea.webm >hatch a plan to fill up dads car for him with the garden hose >decide to surprise him in the morning >he starts the car >"what the hell i thought i only had half a tank" >"surprise dad" >car dies >"what did you do?" >explain >dads p----- >going on about how hes going to miss his big meeting >calls taxi >taxi takes forever but arrives >taxi drops me off at my grandparents house 3 blocks away >grandma comes running out screaming like a banshee >she rushes me and dad into the house >look on the tv >911 >tfw dumb s--- as a kid saved my dad
>> Anonymous 02/18/18(Sun)23:03:49 No.760310831 File: received 1974516546119619.jpg (24 KB, 541x642) >>760311467 >be me >8 years old >playing around in my dads car >looking at the guages >think the car is empty because the fuel guage says low >remember that he has a important meeting in town the next day >idea.webm >hatch a plan to fill up dads car for him with the garden hose >decide to surprise him in the morning >he starts the car >"what the hell i thought i only had half a tank" >"surprise dad" >car dies >"what did you do?" >explain >dads p----- >going on about how hes going to miss his big meeting >calls taxi >taxi takes forever but arrives >taxi drops me off at my grandparents house 3 blocks away >grandma comes running out screaming like a banshee >she rushes me and dad into the house >look on the tv >911 >tfw dumb s--- as a kid saved my dad

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Anon likes the word of the lord | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)14:28:40 No.63918437 What is your weirdest thing you have wanked to? (Not most extreme or violent thing just strange) Me first 21 KB JPG >Go to school with a girl in high school, she is really attractive and I like her a lot >but she and her parents are super hardcore Orthodox Christians so I do not have chance >Hear one day at school that she has a YouTube channel, I go to check it out and it is just her reading entire chapters of the bible over a black screen >On the channel she has read the entire bible, one day I am so horny that I look up the most sexual bible verses and got to her video where she reads the entirety of Ezekiel skip to Ezekiel 23:18-21 and bust a fat nut to her reading, I do this for months until she deletes her channel because of hate comments TL DR I have jerked off to multiple bible verses multiple times Share yours
: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)14:28:40 No.63918437 What is your weirdest thing you have wanked to? (Not most extreme or violent thing just strange) Me first 21 KB JPG >Go to school with a girl in high school, she is really attractive and I like her a lot >but she and her parents are super hardcore Orthodox Christians so I do not have chance >Hear one day at school that she has a YouTube channel, I go to check it out and it is just her reading entire chapters of the bible over a black screen >On the channel she has read the entire bible, one day I am so horny that I look up the most sexual bible verses and got to her video where she reads the entirety of Ezekiel skip to Ezekiel 23:18-21 and bust a fat nut to her reading, I do this for months until she deletes her channel because of hate comments TL DR I have jerked off to multiple bible verses multiple times Share yours

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Anon plays uno | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/11/21(Mon)18:47:08 No.144971906 UNO person-uno.png 103 KB PNG >"Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards further from victory."
: Anonymous 01/11/21(Mon)18:47:08 No.144971906 UNO person-uno.png 103 KB PNG >"Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards further from victory."

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Anon is inferior | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)09:49:34 No.792436734 >dad is easily 6'5 and has sporty built >mom is 5'11 but also has a sporty built >be me >their first born >they have my sister 16 months later >mom & dad think we're going to be 98 KB JPG great sports players >l ended up having asthma and only being 5'4 >sister became 6'3 and has the perfect sporty built >she plays volleyball, soccer, and softball >mom & dad love her >our living is filled with pictures of her and trophies >the only picture of me is the family photo >mom & dad rarely talk to me >sister is probably going to college for free because sports >mfw I don't even give a s--- about college I just want my parents to love me
: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)09:49:34 No.792436734 >dad is easily 6'5 and has sporty built >mom is 5'11 but also has a sporty built >be me >their first born >they have my sister 16 months later >mom & dad think we're going to be 98 KB JPG great sports players >l ended up having asthma and only being 5'4 >sister became 6'3 and has the perfect sporty built >she plays volleyball, soccer, and softball >mom & dad love her >our living is filled with pictures of her and trophies >the only picture of me is the family photo >mom & dad rarely talk to me >sister is probably going to college for free because sports >mfw I don't even give a s--- about college I just want my parents to love me

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Anon gets advice | /r/Greentext


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Anon hates Canada | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)02:09:15 No.855655547 be a mass murderer >get arrested >get executed >wake up in someone else's body >think you got a second chance to right your wrongs >quickly discover that you're in 20 KB JPG Canada >hell now doesn't seem so bad >kill yourself >wake up in a different man's body >you're in Canada again >this is your final destination. you cannot escape. god has punished you by making you perpetually Canadian.
: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)02:09:15 No.855655547 be a mass murderer >get arrested >get executed >wake up in someone else's body >think you got a second chance to right your wrongs >quickly discover that you're in 20 KB JPG Canada >hell now doesn't seem so bad >kill yourself >wake up in a different man's body >you're in Canada again >this is your final destination. you cannot escape. god has punished you by making you perpetually Canadian.

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Anon sees a dogfight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/27/13(Wed)05:01 No.55852 >be 16 >hear dogs obviously attacking something in back yard >go out and get them to leave it alone >oh s--- it's a bloody 33 KB PNG unssod >think Its dead, go to put it In garbage >notice Its stillI breathing >decide to put it out of it's misery >grab a broken skateboard and smash It over it's head >possum starts convulsing >oh god why aren't you dying >keep beating it >feel like Christopher bale killing Jared letto In American psycho >it finally dies >check the body and see the dogs barely scratched it >mfw I remember possums play dead
Anonymous 03/27/13(Wed)05:01 No.55852 >be 16 >hear dogs obviously attacking something in back yard >go out and get them to leave it alone >oh s--- it's a bloody 33 KB PNG unssod >think Its dead, go to put it In garbage >notice Its stillI breathing >decide to put it out of it's misery >grab a broken skateboard and smash It over it's head >possum starts convulsing >oh god why aren't you dying >keep beating it >feel like Christopher bale killing Jared letto In American psycho >it finally dies >check the body and see the dogs barely scratched it >mfw I remember possums play dead

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It was a pleasure doing business with you | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/26/21(Wed)20:21:58 No.3811102 1599872026748.jpg 102 KB JPG >>3810932 # >you give me a banana >I give you a 15 minute subscription to my "not biting your fingers" service Sounds like a peaceful exchange of goods and services to me. >>3811355 #
: Anonymous 05/26/21(Wed)20:21:58 No.3811102 1599872026748.jpg 102 KB JPG >>3810932 # >you give me a banana >I give you a 15 minute subscription to my "not biting your fingers" service Sounds like a peaceful exchange of goods and services to me. >>3811355 #

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Anon talks about his favourite garment | /r/Greentext


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Anon posts on reddit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Hace 34 minutos 774720631 >be me >instagram normie >think all memes come from reddit >sign up for reddit, just passed 1 year >find out memes come from 4chan >be me Is there a place beyond 4chan? 1 REPLY Anonymous Hace 34 minutos 774720676 >>774720631 (OP) 9gag 1 REPLY Anonymous Hace 33 minutos 774720703 >>774720676 and past that is ifunny
Anonymous Hace 34 minutos 774720631 >be me >instagram normie >think all memes come from reddit >sign up for reddit, just passed 1 year >find out memes come from 4chan >be me Is there a place beyond 4chan? 1 REPLY Anonymous Hace 34 minutos 774720676 >>774720631 (OP) 9gag 1 REPLY Anonymous Hace 33 minutos 774720703 >>774720676 and past that is ifunny

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Anon likes rap battles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: koqD0xc2 epic rap battle 05/30/21(Sun)06:51:18 No.12845458 >be me, 13 year old in 2012 >Big fan of Epic Rap Battles of History >Really really f------ enjoy Hitler vs Darth Vader >Love it so much that I used Hitler as 47 KB JPG my Facebook profile picture, didn't really care much about Star Wars >Mind you, they don't really teach Hitler from where I am so I initially thought he was some cool fictional character and I didn't go bother reading his Wikipedia page or something >Friend from another country I met from a graphics design forum asks how my day was or something >He has a Persona 3 profile picture so we talked about that, same interests after all >Conversation was mostly gamer s--- but he eventually asked me this: >"Hey anon, why do you have Hitler as your profile picture?" >13 year old eyes gleam >"Oh, I'm a really big fan of his work" That conversation ended really quickly. He made a status update saying that his day was absolutely ruined because of someone and I wondered why. Minutes later, he disappeared from my friends list or anywhere at all. Like, 3 years after, I was looking at my profile pictures and I see that F------ picture of Hitler. I deleted it and realized that dude probably blocked me. If you read this or something, I'm sorry LMAO
: Anonymous (ID: koqD0xc2 epic rap battle 05/30/21(Sun)06:51:18 No.12845458 >be me, 13 year old in 2012 >Big fan of Epic Rap Battles of History >Really really f------ enjoy Hitler vs Darth Vader >Love it so much that I used Hitler as 47 KB JPG my Facebook profile picture, didn't really care much about Star Wars >Mind you, they don't really teach Hitler from where I am so I initially thought he was some cool fictional character and I didn't go bother reading his Wikipedia page or something >Friend from another country I met from a graphics design forum asks how my day was or something >He has a Persona 3 profile picture so we talked about that, same interests after all >Conversation was mostly gamer s--- but he eventually asked me this: >"Hey anon, why do you have Hitler as your profile picture?" >13 year old eyes gleam >"Oh, I'm a really big fan of his work" That conversation ended really quickly. He made a status update saying that his day was absolutely ruined because of someone and I wondered why. Minutes later, he disappeared from my friends list or anywhere at all. Like, 3 years after, I was looking at my profile pictures and I see that F------ picture of Hitler. I deleted it and realized that dude probably blocked me. If you read this or something, I'm sorry LMAO

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Anon's first school day | /r/Greentext

>Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >l start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED F------ >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.
>Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >l start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED F------ >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.

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Anon smells something good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)18:16:03 No.63915484 >get into the elevator for my apartment >qt neighbor is in there coming up from the basement parking with a few grocery bags >say hello >suddenly notice a delicious smell 102 KB JPG >ask him what takeout he has because it smells so good >he looks confused for a second then bursts out laughing >says he just has eggs bread and milk in his bags >says he farted just after he got in the elevator
: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)18:16:03 No.63915484 >get into the elevator for my apartment >qt neighbor is in there coming up from the basement parking with a few grocery bags >say hello >suddenly notice a delicious smell 102 KB JPG >ask him what takeout he has because it smells so good >he looks confused for a second then bursts out laughing >says he just has eggs bread and milk in his bags >says he farted just after he got in the elevator

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Anon forgets he‘s in real life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. 303 KB JPG Luckily I could hold myself back.
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. 303 KB JPG Luckily I could hold myself back.

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And Taiwan is a country | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: XAO9SW72) 05/29/21(Sat)15:23:10 No.323709709 >just realised 'norway' and 'the netherlands' are two different countries 85 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: wBfdEuB+ ) 05/29/21 (Sat)15:24:39 No.323709792 every day someone realizes that austria and australia are not the same >>323714865 # >>323715991 # >>323722800 # >>323725160 # >>323726681 # >>323729695 # : Anonymous (ID: QudX55WZ ) [•1 05/29/21(Sat)18:28:44 No.323723272 >>323709709 (OP)_# >just realized the netherlands is danish, which has nothing to do with denmark 14 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: XAO9SW72) 05/29/21(Sat)15:23:10 No.323709709 >just realised 'norway' and 'the netherlands' are two different countries 85 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: wBfdEuB+ ) 05/29/21 (Sat)15:24:39 No.323709792 every day someone realizes that austria and australia are not the same >>323714865 # >>323715991 # >>323722800 # >>323725160 # >>323726681 # >>323729695 # : Anonymous (ID: QudX55WZ ) [•1 05/29/21(Sat)18:28:44 No.323723272 >>323709709 (OP)_# >just realized the netherlands is danish, which has nothing to do with denmark 14 KB JPG

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anon criticizes enderman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG

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Anon cooks dinner for his family | /r/Greentext


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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" >mfw 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" >mfw 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon likes his job. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:19:35 No.461562961 >be me, smoke grenade >love my f----- job >operator-san chooses me and pulls my ring out >make a *FWOOOM* as I fly through the air in sheer pleasure >feel my thin shiny exterior scratch as I 38 KB JPG bounce off many a wall into a tight tactical spot >know he abuses me because he loves me too >thought I could contain myself a little longer this time but I can't, my fuse is perfectly measured >release my blinding contents all over the enemies eyes with a loud *FWOOSHHHHHHHHH* as I climax god I love my f----- job : Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:20:38 No.461563079 >>461562961 (OP) # what
: Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:19:35 No.461562961 >be me, smoke grenade >love my f----- job >operator-san chooses me and pulls my ring out >make a *FWOOOM* as I fly through the air in sheer pleasure >feel my thin shiny exterior scratch as I 38 KB JPG bounce off many a wall into a tight tactical spot >know he abuses me because he loves me too >thought I could contain myself a little longer this time but I can't, my fuse is perfectly measured >release my blinding contents all over the enemies eyes with a loud *FWOOSHHHHHHHHH* as I climax god I love my f----- job : Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:20:38 No.461563079 >>461562961 (OP) # what

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Anon is a social outcast | /r/Greentext

>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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