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Anon’s experience in marketing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)08:00:00 No.855748035 OL THE BTE MEAL THE SEEME Sweet Cv Obtss.jpg 76 KB JPG >be me >somehow get into a high marketing position at mcdonalds, i'm young so i can help market to kids and such >hear about bts and their crazy ass fans "Hey CoAnon, hear about those BTS kids?" >we share a laugh after he looked up what bts stan twitter is >joke about a mcdonalds bts meal >it turns into a running joke in the office >boss hears about it >he wants me in the office >w--.exe "You've got a great idea, teaming up with that boy-band was a good idea, Anon" >3 or 4 weeks later >get back from my vacation days >get my complementary maccas at the front office >it's bts themed i think i want to kill myself
: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)08:00:00 No.855748035 OL THE BTE MEAL THE SEEME Sweet Cv Obtss.jpg 76 KB JPG >be me >somehow get into a high marketing position at mcdonalds, i'm young so i can help market to kids and such >hear about bts and their crazy ass fans "Hey CoAnon, hear about those BTS kids?" >we share a laugh after he looked up what bts stan twitter is >joke about a mcdonalds bts meal >it turns into a running joke in the office >boss hears about it >he wants me in the office >w--.exe "You've got a great idea, teaming up with that boy-band was a good idea, Anon" >3 or 4 weeks later >get back from my vacation days >get my complementary maccas at the front office >it's bts themed i think i want to kill myself

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Anon is a criminal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)23:46:13 No.855793548 i got a criminal record for having autism >be me >whenever i hear a police siren i start running so people think im cool and gangsta >july of last year 84 KB JPG >hear police siren >do the usual >police turn the corner >see me running looking back over my shoulder >they start chasing me >now im scared because they have guns drawn and I keep going >they catch me easily because im really overweight >they search me and find my sudoku book and laugh at me long story short i got community service for resisting arrest 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)23:46:13 No.855793548 i got a criminal record for having autism >be me >whenever i hear a police siren i start running so people think im cool and gangsta >july of last year 84 KB JPG >hear police siren >do the usual >police turn the corner >see me running looking back over my shoulder >they start chasing me >now im scared because they have guns drawn and I keep going >they catch me easily because im really overweight >they search me and find my sudoku book and laugh at me long story short i got community service for resisting arrest 2 Replies View Thread

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Literally Every Netflix Teen Drama | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)06:53:00 No.151576002 >You thinking what im thinking? >Yeah *smiles* >Hard cut to gay a--- sex with spanking and he c--- in his ass 129 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 05/29/21 (Sat)06:59:19 No.151576201 >welcome to starbucks sir what is your orde- >fade into sex dungeon furry ball torture
: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)06:53:00 No.151576002 >You thinking what im thinking? >Yeah *smiles* >Hard cut to gay a--- sex with spanking and he c--- in his ass 129 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 05/29/21 (Sat)06:59:19 No.151576201 >welcome to starbucks sir what is your orde- >fade into sex dungeon furry ball torture

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They're just zoomers | /r/Greentext


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Anon experiments | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)17:19:45 No.814427083 >at work >s------- >on the clock still so feelsgoodman >realize ive been wiping front to back my entire life >decide to do some science 150 KB PNG >fold my toilet paper real nice because im a professional >prepare myself for scientific discovery >reach between my legs >unfamiliar maneuver but i do my best in the pursuit of knowledge >begin wiping back to front >seems to be going well >can practically see my nobel prize >oh no >ive made a miscalculation >too much follow through >wipe s--- all over my balls >i suffer so you dont have to >in the name of science
: Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)17:19:45 No.814427083 >at work >s------- >on the clock still so feelsgoodman >realize ive been wiping front to back my entire life >decide to do some science 150 KB PNG >fold my toilet paper real nice because im a professional >prepare myself for scientific discovery >reach between my legs >unfamiliar maneuver but i do my best in the pursuit of knowledge >begin wiping back to front >seems to be going well >can practically see my nobel prize >oh no >ive made a miscalculation >too much follow through >wipe s--- all over my balls >i suffer so you dont have to >in the name of science

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a date | /r/Greentext

OAnonymous 02/15/15(Sun)02:51:58 No.21821843 File: FeelinGood.png (5 KB, 645x773) >>21821857 >>21821864 >>21821869 >>21823011 >Be me >19 yo, 6/10 >Go out for Valentines Day with bestie of 3 years >9/10 >It's technically a date >Dinner and 50 Shades of S--- >Get ice cream afterwards >Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month >She loves it and we go for a walk >PULL OUT 5GUM: TRUTH OR DARE, pack >Her wrapper says to take a selfie with eyes closed >She does >l read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room for a kiss >We laugh it off but I remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side Where's the most beautiful girl at tho? >Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her! >Show her the mirrored base of the flower >We smile and kiss for the first time ever >She reads her the other part of her wrapper >"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next you?" >"This one right now" >mfw how it feels to chew 5gum
OAnonymous 02/15/15(Sun)02:51:58 No.21821843 File: FeelinGood.png (5 KB, 645x773) >>21821857 >>21821864 >>21821869 >>21823011 >Be me >19 yo, 6/10 >Go out for Valentines Day with bestie of 3 years >9/10 >It's technically a date >Dinner and 50 Shades of S--- >Get ice cream afterwards >Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month >She loves it and we go for a walk >PULL OUT 5GUM: TRUTH OR DARE, pack >Her wrapper says to take a selfie with eyes closed >She does >l read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room for a kiss >We laugh it off but I remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side Where's the most beautiful girl at tho? >Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her! >Show her the mirrored base of the flower >We smile and kiss for the first time ever >She reads her the other part of her wrapper >"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next you?" >"This one right now" >mfw how it feels to chew 5gum

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Welp. The comment means I have to post it | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)23:20:03 No.855773325 >be me, 16 at the time >went to nude beach to see boobies >came to the beach and only saw men no boobies >undressed because they'll surely 38 KB JPG come soon >several men come to me to make small talk >felt really awkward >some played with their d--- >one had a cockring >was literally surrounded by horny men within a few minutes >they started touching me >too scared to say anything about it I don't want to talk about the rest : Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)23:21:19 No.855773382 Put the word n----- in the screenshot so reddit gets triggered
| Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)23:20:03 No.855773325 >be me, 16 at the time >went to nude beach to see boobies >came to the beach and only saw men no boobies >undressed because they'll surely 38 KB JPG come soon >several men come to me to make small talk >felt really awkward >some played with their d--- >one had a cockring >was literally surrounded by horny men within a few minutes >they started touching me >too scared to say anything about it I don't want to talk about the rest : Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)23:21:19 No.855773382 Put the word n----- in the screenshot so reddit gets triggered

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anon smokes a joint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 44437085 43 min. ago >be me >smoke a joint with an old friend i hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 12.3 kB JPG years 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 44437085 43 min. ago >be me >smoke a joint with an old friend i hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 12.3 kB JPG years 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon stays poor | /r/Greentext


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Anon has an autistic scheme | /r/Greentext


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Anon falls for it | /r/Greentext


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Anon buys the new woke cereal. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)21:44:59 No.855295141 De Kellegg is donating to GLAAdte uppert their medie odvocecy work and eccelerating acceptence for the LGBTQ- community Rellogg's X glaad TOO AMAZING TO PUT INTO T GETHER A BOX. DO WITH PRIDE Heart-shaped Cereal dighx GET HER wite НЕ/HIM SHE/HER GETHER THEY/THEM ADD YOUR OWN: BERRY FLAVORED CEREAL WITHI OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS O NET WT 78 0Z (22ig 130 A BOXES ARE FOR CEREAL, NOT PEOPLE. 1621897087211.jpg 517 KB JPG Powerful : Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)21:46:34 No.855295227 late stage Capitalism : Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)21:49:24 No.855295375 can we get the new woke cereal mom >>855296707 #
: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)21:44:59 No.855295141 De Kellegg is donating to GLAAdte uppert their medie odvocecy work and eccelerating acceptence for the LGBTQ- community Rellogg's X glaad TOO AMAZING TO PUT INTO T GETHER A BOX. DO WITH PRIDE Heart-shaped Cereal dighx GET HER wite НЕ/HIM SHE/HER GETHER THEY/THEM ADD YOUR OWN: BERRY FLAVORED CEREAL WITHI OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS O NET WT 78 0Z (22ig 130 A BOXES ARE FOR CEREAL, NOT PEOPLE. 1621897087211.jpg 517 KB JPG Powerful : Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)21:46:34 No.855295227 late stage Capitalism : Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)21:49:24 No.855295375 can we get the new woke cereal mom >>855296707 #

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Anon celebrates his Birthday | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)19:08:10 No.855755293 > Today is my birthday > remember i have no friends or family left > no one wished me a happy birthday > went to the store to buy myself a cake and candles 7 KB JPG > store having no candles left so ended up using a spaghetti as a candle Life kicks you in the balls sometimes
: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)19:08:10 No.855755293 > Today is my birthday > remember i have no friends or family left > no one wished me a happy birthday > went to the store to buy myself a cake and candles 7 KB JPG > store having no candles left so ended up using a spaghetti as a candle Life kicks you in the balls sometimes

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Anon is an autistic secret agent | /r/Greentext

File: bond.jpg (51 KB, 688x800) O Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)03:55:19 No.855729442 >be me >autistic secret agent >playing high stakes poker game at the bellagio >$10 million dollar buy in >supervillain sits across the poker table from me >"i've never seen you before. what's your name?" >"...the name's bond..." >". >autism kicks in >". >"bond is my last name. my first name is james." >" >"...my full name is james bond. hi, i'm james bond, nice to meet you. i'm a secret agent." >get shot
File: bond.jpg (51 KB, 688x800) O Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)03:55:19 No.855729442 >be me >autistic secret agent >playing high stakes poker game at the bellagio >$10 million dollar buy in >supervillain sits across the poker table from me >"i've never seen you before. what's your name?" >"...the name's bond..." >". >autism kicks in >". >"bond is my last name. my first name is james." >" >"...my full name is james bond. hi, i'm james bond, nice to meet you. i'm a secret agent." >get shot

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Anon is gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/02/20(Wed)19:44:17 No.61189002 > 21-year-old horny loser > Decide to start tying lucid dreaming with goal of dream sex > Been working at it for the last few months > Making a ton of progress > knew that soon it would be 52 KB JPG horny dream time > For the last week work tirelessly to make sex dream happen > Last night > Dreaming about stuff > LudicDream.exe on > In situation where I finally can dream sex > YES > Get dream to transition > Having amazing sex > WaitWhatTheFuck > I'm having sex with a guy > I'm the bottom > Oh f--- nonono > can't stop it > Wake up in panic > Hard as a f------ rock > Just thinking about it makes me hard Oh god nonono. What the f--- does this mean?
: Anonymous 12/02/20(Wed)19:44:17 No.61189002 > 21-year-old horny loser > Decide to start tying lucid dreaming with goal of dream sex > Been working at it for the last few months > Making a ton of progress > knew that soon it would be 52 KB JPG horny dream time > For the last week work tirelessly to make sex dream happen > Last night > Dreaming about stuff > LudicDream.exe on > In situation where I finally can dream sex > YES > Get dream to transition > Having amazing sex > WaitWhatTheFuck > I'm having sex with a guy > I'm the bottom > Oh f--- nonono > can't stop it > Wake up in panic > Hard as a f------ rock > Just thinking about it makes me hard Oh god nonono. What the f--- does this mean?

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Anon is tired | /r/Greentext

>>63919529 (OP) >grow up in metropolitan area >go to music school >all the art hoes start becoming "nonbinary" or FtM by 2014 >start losing friends to woke madness >hang out with last remaining friend >tells me his ex gf just went nonbinary and changed her name >joke with him that pretty soon there won't be any women left from our generation >doesn't laugh >his own wife had just gone nonbinary and they have an open marriage >literally a Tyrone f---- his wife and he doesn't get any p---- >instead of becoming disillusioned he doubles down on it all >can't hang out with the guy anymore I am tired, guys
>>63919529 (OP) >grow up in metropolitan area >go to music school >all the art hoes start becoming "nonbinary" or FtM by 2014 >start losing friends to woke madness >hang out with last remaining friend >tells me his ex gf just went nonbinary and changed her name >joke with him that pretty soon there won't be any women left from our generation >doesn't laugh >his own wife had just gone nonbinary and they have an open marriage >literally a Tyrone f---- his wife and he doesn't get any p---- >instead of becoming disillusioned he doubles down on it all >can't hang out with the guy anymore I am tired, guys

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This sub sucks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/19(Sat)12:34:25 No.191520615 >What r/greentext should be >An archive of amusing green text stories from 4chan that weren't created with the intention of being posted on Reddit 57 KB JPG >What r/greentext is >"lol greentexting is so funny I want to join in too XD" >F------ that think all stories should start with "be me" F--- Reddit
: Anonymous 08/03/19(Sat)12:34:25 No.191520615 >What r/greentext should be >An archive of amusing green text stories from 4chan that weren't created with the intention of being posted on Reddit 57 KB JPG >What r/greentext is >"lol greentexting is so funny I want to join in too XD" >F------ that think all stories should start with "be me" F--- Reddit

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Anon gets separated from his family | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)04:57:56 No.61799554 File: 1617569681624.gif (468 KB, 220x197) >circa 2009 >go on road trip with family to Montreal >get separated from family while exploring >wait outside big building with flashing lights for a while >getting cold >guy offers me drugs >nothanks.jpg >getting really nervous standing out on this sketchy street >go inside the building >its a Canadian t---- bar >nobody questions me being obviously underage >grab my first pair of t------ >parents call me "anon where the hell are you?" >"idk, the big building with the lights?" >30 minutes go by >my dad walks in, sees me, and starts laughing his ass off >mfw 12 years later this is the most chad thing I've ever done. >its been two years since I last got laid
Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)04:57:56 No.61799554 File: 1617569681624.gif (468 KB, 220x197) >circa 2009 >go on road trip with family to Montreal >get separated from family while exploring >wait outside big building with flashing lights for a while >getting cold >guy offers me drugs >nothanks.jpg >getting really nervous standing out on this sketchy street >go inside the building >its a Canadian t---- bar >nobody questions me being obviously underage >grab my first pair of t------ >parents call me "anon where the hell are you?" >"idk, the big building with the lights?" >30 minutes go by >my dad walks in, sees me, and starts laughing his ass off >mfw 12 years later this is the most chad thing I've ever done. >its been two years since I last got laid

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Fuck you, Philip | /r/Greentext


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