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Anon gets saved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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Anon is a home shitter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1 hour ago 790778394 Weird achievements thread >be me >never taken a s--- in school >only 5 more months until high school graduation >im going to make it 5 REPLIES O IMAGES
Anonymous 1 hour ago 790778394 Weird achievements thread >be me >never taken a s--- in school >only 5 more months until high school graduation >im going to make it 5 REPLIES O IMAGES

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Anon asks a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: +917P4PJ ) 12/13/18(Thu)08:21:13 No.196540593 Am I white? 144 KB PNG 27 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: VZWV9MDE 12/13/18(Thu)08:39:23 No.196541672 >>196540593 (OP) # did you blowtorch that nipple, what the f---.
: Anonymous (ID: +917P4PJ ) 12/13/18(Thu)08:21:13 No.196540593 Am I white? 144 KB PNG 27 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: VZWV9MDE 12/13/18(Thu)08:39:23 No.196541672 >>196540593 (OP) # did you blowtorch that nipple, what the f---.

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Anon does V-day | /r/Greentext

No.749218743 20 minutes ago JPG 14.3 KiB 395x372 Wanted to share something with you /b/ >Be me 21, very poor and broke at Uni. >Has a rich qt as gf. >She loves me, never asks for gifts. >just my company and me helping her in studies. >Life is good. >Valentines week comes and GF not even once mentions about it. >Still.. I love her and wants to impress her. >l collect all my savings and finally have enough bucks to buy something. Go to the mall. >Everything is so expensive. >Everything is out of reach. >Luckily finds a nice perfume, because she loves perfumes. >hoping she would like. >Spends the rest of money on nice gift wrap. >Left with no money even for the public transport. >Doesn't matter cuz in love. >Walks 3 miles to home. The V-Day comes. >We both chillin in my room. >I show her the gift. >She gets really excited. >Opens it up, in a hurry. >Me scared if she will like it. >She really loves it. >Hellyeah.jpeg >Starts jumping around with tears in her eyes. >Hugs me tight, >Kisses me. >We both cry, Alot! >That gift was only worth 25$ and it meant the world to her. >l would never let her go lads. >I love her. Peace 2 replies
No.749218743 20 minutes ago JPG 14.3 KiB 395x372 Wanted to share something with you /b/ >Be me 21, very poor and broke at Uni. >Has a rich qt as gf. >She loves me, never asks for gifts. >just my company and me helping her in studies. >Life is good. >Valentines week comes and GF not even once mentions about it. >Still.. I love her and wants to impress her. >l collect all my savings and finally have enough bucks to buy something. Go to the mall. >Everything is so expensive. >Everything is out of reach. >Luckily finds a nice perfume, because she loves perfumes. >hoping she would like. >Spends the rest of money on nice gift wrap. >Left with no money even for the public transport. >Doesn't matter cuz in love. >Walks 3 miles to home. The V-Day comes. >We both chillin in my room. >I show her the gift. >She gets really excited. >Opens it up, in a hurry. >Me scared if she will like it. >She really loves it. >Hellyeah.jpeg >Starts jumping around with tears in her eyes. >Hugs me tight, >Kisses me. >We both cry, Alot! >That gift was only worth 25$ and it meant the world to her. >l would never let her go lads. >I love her. Peace 2 replies

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Anon meets Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i willt each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i willt each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!

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Anon Feels Loved | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 48471330 1 t sitten 0.. >be me >lonely >have cat >find out cats like back scratches >give cat back scratches >cat loves it >cat now follows me around and I give the good scratch >I love cat >cat loves me 37,5 kB JPG >I feel loved >not lonely >yes
Anonymous | 48471330 1 t sitten 0.. >be me >lonely >have cat >find out cats like back scratches >give cat back scratches >cat loves it >cat now follows me around and I give the good scratch >I love cat >cat loves me 37,5 kB JPG >I feel loved >not lonely >yes

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Anon gets roasted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)15:23:10 No.855914316 190 15 STICKS OF GUM. 15 OPPORTUNITIES TO CONNECT. IMG_20210602_151936_01.jpg 881 KB JPG Do all of these people also have 15 chromosomes? This is some of the worst artwork I've ever seen. They all look retarded. : Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)15:24:35 No.855914394 >>855914316 (OP) # turn your monitor on >>855914448 # : Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)15:25:42 No.855914448 >>855914394 # Smooth one f-----
: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)15:23:10 No.855914316 190 15 STICKS OF GUM. 15 OPPORTUNITIES TO CONNECT. IMG_20210602_151936_01.jpg 881 KB JPG Do all of these people also have 15 chromosomes? This is some of the worst artwork I've ever seen. They all look retarded. : Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)15:24:35 No.855914394 >>855914316 (OP) # turn your monitor on >>855914448 # : Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)15:25:42 No.855914448 >>855914394 # Smooth one f-----

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Anon is a snake charmer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous innawoods autism thread 12/12/18(Wed)13:41:41 No.1413695 >be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n s--- for a bonfire >go about 20 feet away from camp >see the perfect stick 131 KB JPG >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults s------- pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can >hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find >head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me >other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on
: Anonymous innawoods autism thread 12/12/18(Wed)13:41:41 No.1413695 >be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n s--- for a bonfire >go about 20 feet away from camp >see the perfect stick 131 KB JPG >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults s------- pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can >hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find >head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me >other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on

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Anon likes his dog a lot | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 770012195 2 perccel ezelőtt •.. >be me > old Doggo > love my family >they're the best :) > been feeling pretty sick lately >throw up a lot but it's whatever, I usually just eat it afterwards so no big deal > my families been Extra nice to me today > got to eat a big steak! > they NEVER give me people food. > now they say it's time to go bye bye! > bestdayever.jpg > wonder where we're going anon!? 1,5 MB JPG 2 REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY Anonymous | 770012352 O perccel ezelőt .. >>770012195 (OP) F--- you man, i love my doggo more than the w---- i am dating GET THE 16,7 kB JPG
Anonymous | 770012195 2 perccel ezelőtt •.. >be me > old Doggo > love my family >they're the best :) > been feeling pretty sick lately >throw up a lot but it's whatever, I usually just eat it afterwards so no big deal > my families been Extra nice to me today > got to eat a big steak! > they NEVER give me people food. > now they say it's time to go bye bye! > bestdayever.jpg > wonder where we're going anon!? 1,5 MB JPG 2 REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY Anonymous | 770012352 O perccel ezelőt .. >>770012195 (OP) F--- you man, i love my doggo more than the w---- i am dating GET THE 16,7 kB JPG

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Anon is a genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/21(Thu)16:58:15 No.851065730 >Senior year >Perfect plan >Me and my friend >We start fighting in the men showers >Nobody stoping us >Kick, punch and push each other all the way to the womens 94 KB JPG showers >Burst inside >Keep fighting pretending we didn't even realize >Naked girls come rushing and grab us to stop The only reason we got in trouble was for fighting, nobody cared we got good look at all the girls. 7 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/01/21(Thu)16:58:15 No.851065730 >Senior year >Perfect plan >Me and my friend >We start fighting in the men showers >Nobody stoping us >Kick, punch and push each other all the way to the womens 94 KB JPG showers >Burst inside >Keep fighting pretending we didn't even realize >Naked girls come rushing and grab us to stop The only reason we got in trouble was for fighting, nobody cared we got good look at all the girls. 7 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us
: Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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Anon has a spill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/21 (Wed)16:07:40 No.63968308 >be me >Getting all comfy in bed >Ready to watch some new shows >Spill juice Man I just wanted some juice 28 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/02/21 (Wed)16:07:40 No.63968308 >be me >Getting all comfy in bed >Ready to watch some new shows >Spill juice Man I just wanted some juice 28 KB JPG

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Anon cums on arm | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)22:38:33 No.855915155 >be me >3 min ago >in the kitchen talking with my mom >she points at my forearm >"did you fell?" >looks at my forearm >it's a long line of dried c-- >"uhhh no idk what this is" *scratches it off* 316 KB PNG >conversation immediately ends >go to my room and type this
: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)22:38:33 No.855915155 >be me >3 min ago >in the kitchen talking with my mom >she points at my forearm >"did you fell?" >looks at my forearm >it's a long line of dried c-- >"uhhh no idk what this is" *scratches it off* 316 KB PNG >conversation immediately ends >go to my room and type this

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Best CN show | /r/Greentext

i Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)18:33:10 No.551571831 127044CA-B3B5-4700-B032-E0835BDEE30F,jpg 138 KB JPG >551570270 (OP) # >Red, Redd n Reddit 2>551572035 # >>551572047 # >>551572695 #
i Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)18:33:10 No.551571831 127044CA-B3B5-4700-B032-E0835BDEE30F,jpg 138 KB JPG >551570270 (OP) # >Red, Redd n Reddit 2>551572035 # >>551572047 # >>551572695 #

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Can't believe anon did this | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/31/17(Sun)01:02:24 No.755392693 >>755392983 My wife doesn't even know about this one. > be 17yo me > 1994 > senior year hs is almost here, last summer party > girl a year older than me, had a crush on since kindergarten > one of the few nice older kids > see her at the party > she sees me and gets all huggy >i have one beer > she's already 3 sheets to the wind, and knocking back md20/20 > she sticks to me like glue > never had female attention like this before > she starts to get really wobbly > still virgin whiteknight, getting protective of her > decide she's not safe here, watching jocks eye her > maybe just paranoia > convince her to sit and talk in my car > she passes out > nobody really paying attention to us for awhile > the jocks have found other targets > take her back to my house > sneak into house by myself > make sure dog sees/hears me, knows it's me, doesn't bark > good dog > go back out to car > don't lift, but not manlet either, so pick her up > over my shoulder, get her in house > carry her upstairs > lay her on my bed > she looks so peaceful, innocent > realize she is out > she won't remember anything >i gaze at her and something stirs in my soul > and my pants >i reach out > vhs copy of last action hero on my nightstand > remember that s--- is overdue > sneak back out of house, drive like maniac to blockbuster > drop it in the night dropoff box > as soon as door slams shut i realize >i never rewound it. God damn it. I never rewound it. They never said anything and they're out of business now, but holy f---. I feel like a f------ monster.
Anonymous 12/31/17(Sun)01:02:24 No.755392693 >>755392983 My wife doesn't even know about this one. > be 17yo me > 1994 > senior year hs is almost here, last summer party > girl a year older than me, had a crush on since kindergarten > one of the few nice older kids > see her at the party > she sees me and gets all huggy >i have one beer > she's already 3 sheets to the wind, and knocking back md20/20 > she sticks to me like glue > never had female attention like this before > she starts to get really wobbly > still virgin whiteknight, getting protective of her > decide she's not safe here, watching jocks eye her > maybe just paranoia > convince her to sit and talk in my car > she passes out > nobody really paying attention to us for awhile > the jocks have found other targets > take her back to my house > sneak into house by myself > make sure dog sees/hears me, knows it's me, doesn't bark > good dog > go back out to car > don't lift, but not manlet either, so pick her up > over my shoulder, get her in house > carry her upstairs > lay her on my bed > she looks so peaceful, innocent > realize she is out > she won't remember anything >i gaze at her and something stirs in my soul > and my pants >i reach out > vhs copy of last action hero on my nightstand > remember that s--- is overdue > sneak back out of house, drive like maniac to blockbuster > drop it in the night dropoff box > as soon as door slams shut i realize >i never rewound it. God damn it. I never rewound it. They never said anything and they're out of business now, but holy f---. I feel like a f------ monster.

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Anon takes dick pics | /r/Greentext

File: 1408454892908 jpg (90 KB, 866x1300) O Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:14:19 No. 25578008 [Reply] > >25578060 >haven't taken a d--- pic in f------ years >think my d--- has grown since last I took photos >borrow my mums ipad >take several photos of it >planning to move them to my HDD and just delete them off her ipad before she comes home >just found out she has f------ automatic iCloud upload services on >s--- has been uploading my d--- pics to all her b------- devices and facebook since I was taking them >her fb wall is covered in like 20 of my d--- pics, some where you can see my face I'm done, see you guys in the next life Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:16:36 No.25578065 Kill yourself before she confronts you, everyone will think you knew what you were doing and decided to post d--- pics to your moms facebook as a final act instead of leaving a suicide note, it will be funny as f---.
File: 1408454892908 jpg (90 KB, 866x1300) O Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:14:19 No. 25578008 [Reply] > >25578060 >haven't taken a d--- pic in f------ years >think my d--- has grown since last I took photos >borrow my mums ipad >take several photos of it >planning to move them to my HDD and just delete them off her ipad before she comes home >just found out she has f------ automatic iCloud upload services on >s--- has been uploading my d--- pics to all her b------- devices and facebook since I was taking them >her fb wall is covered in like 20 of my d--- pics, some where you can see my face I'm done, see you guys in the next life Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:16:36 No.25578065 Kill yourself before she confronts you, everyone will think you knew what you were doing and decided to post d--- pics to your moms facebook as a final act instead of leaving a suicide note, it will be funny as f---.

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Depression = Cringe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me ? >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never 9 KB JPG worked >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me ? >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never 9 KB JPG worked >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon falls sick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/18/18(Sat)17:42:13 No.777525593 Dumb s--- we did as a kid thread >Be me >7 years old and sick af >Mom is a single mother of three kids and can't afford to miss work 57 KB JPG >Get taken to work with her >l'm wrapped up in a blanket sitting in the break room Ofuck.bowelmovement >the flood gates of diarrhea slam into my anus >My butthole is making a last stand the equivalent of The Alamo >Need to get to bathroom or I'm going to s--- myself >I don't know where it is tho, I'm also extremely shy, and I don't know where my mom is Floodgateshaveopened.exe >only have time to run to corner where a drain pipe is on the ground and proceed to piss and s--- all over myself >mfw my mom came in and saw me shivering covered in my own piss and s--- >mfw she cleaned my undies in the toilet and I still had to sit there at her work >mfw I ended up working there 13 years later and nobody knows
: Anonymous 08/18/18(Sat)17:42:13 No.777525593 Dumb s--- we did as a kid thread >Be me >7 years old and sick af >Mom is a single mother of three kids and can't afford to miss work 57 KB JPG >Get taken to work with her >l'm wrapped up in a blanket sitting in the break room Ofuck.bowelmovement >the flood gates of diarrhea slam into my anus >My butthole is making a last stand the equivalent of The Alamo >Need to get to bathroom or I'm going to s--- myself >I don't know where it is tho, I'm also extremely shy, and I don't know where my mom is Floodgateshaveopened.exe >only have time to run to corner where a drain pipe is on the ground and proceed to piss and s--- all over myself >mfw my mom came in and saw me shivering covered in my own piss and s--- >mfw she cleaned my undies in the toilet and I still had to sit there at her work >mfw I ended up working there 13 years later and nobody knows

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Right-Wing Health Squads | /r/Greentext

*, Laura K @laurasaur_roar So today I was in line at the grocery store buying what I needed for that week, when all of a sudden a group of 3 little white boys came up behind me in line and started replacing my snacks with fruits and vegetables to embarrass me. I was on the verge of tears. 4/20/18, 6:30 PM 15 Retweets 22 Likes Anonymous (ID: nzyOJZox ) E 04/23/18(Mon)20:58.09 No.169242094 >>169224770 >Right Wing Health Squads
*, Laura K @laurasaur_roar So today I was in line at the grocery store buying what I needed for that week, when all of a sudden a group of 3 little white boys came up behind me in line and started replacing my snacks with fruits and vegetables to embarrass me. I was on the verge of tears. 4/20/18, 6:30 PM 15 Retweets 22 Likes Anonymous (ID: nzyOJZox ) E 04/23/18(Mon)20:58.09 No.169242094 >>169224770 >Right Wing Health Squads

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It’s that kind of day. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous f--- hollidays 10/31/18(Wed)18:25:18 No.7278266 >wake up >9pm because sleep schedule is s--- > get out of bed and go grab a bowl of cereal >see figures outside on my porch 107 KB JPG >grab my bat and open my door >beat the s--- out of them no questions asked >mfw it was two kids trick or treating
: Anonymous f--- hollidays 10/31/18(Wed)18:25:18 No.7278266 >wake up >9pm because sleep schedule is s--- > get out of bed and go grab a bowl of cereal >see figures outside on my porch 107 KB JPG >grab my bat and open my door >beat the s--- out of them no questions asked >mfw it was two kids trick or treating

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