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Anon does not like Reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/18(Fri)01:14:01 No.774184761 >be me >not a reddit user >love 4chan greentext, post almost everyday >go to check reddit greentext for s---- and giggles >I recognize one of them 7 KB JPG >it's a greentext I posted not 30 minutes earlier on 4chan >mfw he got 1k upvotes from my content >mfw reddit users steal my greentexts and there's nothing I can do about it >mfw this one is gonna get stolen too
: Anonymous 07/13/18(Fri)01:14:01 No.774184761 >be me >not a reddit user >love 4chan greentext, post almost everyday >go to check reddit greentext for s---- and giggles >I recognize one of them 7 KB JPG >it's a greentext I posted not 30 minutes earlier on 4chan >mfw he got 1k upvotes from my content >mfw reddit users steal my greentexts and there's nothing I can do about it >mfw this one is gonna get stolen too

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anon kills a wasp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)18:29:20 No.63979846 >walk into kitchen to get some coffee >greeted big ass wasp sitting on my coffee machine and buzzing around it >s--- sits on the part of the coffee maker where hot water comes out of 179 KB JPG >press the button to activate it and burn its ass >bitch is p----- now and is flying around the room >lands on a drawer and just starts staring at me while its stinger starts pulsating >grab my phone and put The Good The Bad And The Ugly's theme as i have a staring contest with this wasp >full on mexican stall, if i move it's gonna fly and sting me but if it moves i grab my slipper and kill it >staring at each other for a solid 2 minutes now with the song playing, both ready to draw our weapons >song hits climax and with a swift blow i kill the wasp and its body falls down on the floor unceremoniously >drop my slipper on the unmoving body and slip my foot into it >make some coffee, walk out of kitchen and as i walk back to my room to play Isaac Afterebirth+ the only words that come out of my mouth are "I won."
: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)18:29:20 No.63979846 >walk into kitchen to get some coffee >greeted big ass wasp sitting on my coffee machine and buzzing around it >s--- sits on the part of the coffee maker where hot water comes out of 179 KB JPG >press the button to activate it and burn its ass >bitch is p----- now and is flying around the room >lands on a drawer and just starts staring at me while its stinger starts pulsating >grab my phone and put The Good The Bad And The Ugly's theme as i have a staring contest with this wasp >full on mexican stall, if i move it's gonna fly and sting me but if it moves i grab my slipper and kill it >staring at each other for a solid 2 minutes now with the song playing, both ready to draw our weapons >song hits climax and with a swift blow i kill the wasp and its body falls down on the floor unceremoniously >drop my slipper on the unmoving body and slip my foot into it >make some coffee, walk out of kitchen and as i walk back to my room to play Isaac Afterebirth+ the only words that come out of my mouth are "I won."

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Anon makes peace | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21 (Thu)21:57:34 No.63980516 >13 years ago >Pretty great at football >Applied to multiple colleges, never received a reply >Didn't care, started working for my dad >Flash forward 3 years >Find a letter of acceptance from Ohio State 30 KB JPG >Confront parents >Mom had no idea, Dad admits he hid it because he didn't want me to live that far, his business was failing and he needed me, all the usual BS. >Punched the s--- out of him and moved to Washington. >Never came back, talk to mom and brother once a month. >Now married with a kid, he's seen his grandparents just twice. >Flash forward to a week ago. >Mom calls me, says Dad's dying >Swallow my ego and go visit. >Dad's half the size he used to be, doctors are saying he has a few months. >When I see him, I just forgot everything, all the anger just vanished. >Talk about old times >Regret doing this to him, at least we can spend the last few days of his life together. Don't let your rage consume you anons, it f---- you and everyone you love up.
: Anonymous 06/03/21 (Thu)21:57:34 No.63980516 >13 years ago >Pretty great at football >Applied to multiple colleges, never received a reply >Didn't care, started working for my dad >Flash forward 3 years >Find a letter of acceptance from Ohio State 30 KB JPG >Confront parents >Mom had no idea, Dad admits he hid it because he didn't want me to live that far, his business was failing and he needed me, all the usual BS. >Punched the s--- out of him and moved to Washington. >Never came back, talk to mom and brother once a month. >Now married with a kid, he's seen his grandparents just twice. >Flash forward to a week ago. >Mom calls me, says Dad's dying >Swallow my ego and go visit. >Dad's half the size he used to be, doctors are saying he has a few months. >When I see him, I just forgot everything, all the anger just vanished. >Talk about old times >Regret doing this to him, at least we can spend the last few days of his life together. Don't let your rage consume you anons, it f---- you and everyone you love up.

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Anon talks evolution | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)00:09:19 No.3740366 1616800615574_monke_prophet.jpg 126 KB JPG >teach two of these f------ a language >give them an incentive to pass it down to their kids >their kids learn the language >kids of the kids learn the language >they figure out how to use tools >figure out fire >humans 2.0 : Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)01:09:38 No.3740427 Otters aren't that smart. >>3740434 #
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)00:09:19 No.3740366 1616800615574_monke_prophet.jpg 126 KB JPG >teach two of these f------ a language >give them an incentive to pass it down to their kids >their kids learn the language >kids of the kids learn the language >they figure out how to use tools >figure out fire >humans 2.0 : Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)01:09:38 No.3740427 Otters aren't that smart. >>3740434 #

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Anon gets a bonsai tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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6 inch log thw | /r/Greentext

File: monkas.png (211 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)21:34:11 No.787503440 ITT: When your realised you were retarded >be me >10 years old >on holiday with family >we have a trailer tent >chillin in my bed >rumbleinthejungle.jpeg >haul ass to the camp sites toilets >the door to the only stall is locked >can't be bothered looking to see if someone's in there. >decide to s--- in urinal >at least 6 inch log >for some reason I decide to pick up the log and throw it over the stall door >hear someone in the stall shout "THE F---" >hear him fall off the toilet >run away >mfw
File: monkas.png (211 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)21:34:11 No.787503440 ITT: When your realised you were retarded >be me >10 years old >on holiday with family >we have a trailer tent >chillin in my bed >rumbleinthejungle.jpeg >haul ass to the camp sites toilets >the door to the only stall is locked >can't be bothered looking to see if someone's in there. >decide to s--- in urinal >at least 6 inch log >for some reason I decide to pick up the log and throw it over the stall door >hear someone in the stall shout "THE F---" >hear him fall off the toilet >run away >mfw

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Anon has a great mother | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No. 45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no
O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No. 45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no

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Anon ruins a song | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)20:52:56 No.63981508 > be me > 2 weeks ago > open youtube tu put my music while doing homework > put my favorite song > almost a million views, not very 10 KB JPG famous > even memorized most of the top comments > be me today > puts fav song on youtube > millions of views and thousands of new comments > tf.mp4 > most people aiming for a specific part of the song > "Omg who else came here from @yourmom69" or some s--- > mfw when I realize it became famous on tik tok > not even the full song, just a 8 seconds clip of it I hate that song now.
: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)20:52:56 No.63981508 > be me > 2 weeks ago > open youtube tu put my music while doing homework > put my favorite song > almost a million views, not very 10 KB JPG famous > even memorized most of the top comments > be me today > puts fav song on youtube > millions of views and thousands of new comments > tf.mp4 > most people aiming for a specific part of the song > "Omg who else came here from @yourmom69" or some s--- > mfw when I realize it became famous on tik tok > not even the full song, just a 8 seconds clip of it I hate that song now.

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Anon got pregnant | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/27/17(Mon)17:59:00 No.752218163 >>752218266 >>752218318 >be 14, female >going through ugly teen phase >gaining weight like a champ >walking home with a friend >stupid bitch history teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom >really need to pee >oh f--- >literally p----- EVERYWHERE >friend looks confused as s--- >fuckfuckfuck >"uhhh.. oh S---, my water broke?" >thought my recent weight gain would support this >actually works >friend is freaking out whilst I claim being able to get home to get my mom to drive me to the hospital Couple of weeks later >f------ lie to my friend and say the baby died at birth >make a fake name for this baby I never had >luckily I'm good at fake crying a lot >beg friend to not bring it up ever again as it's "too painful" >she agrees >like it never happened to this day I'm a f------ retard
Anonymous 11/27/17(Mon)17:59:00 No.752218163 >>752218266 >>752218318 >be 14, female >going through ugly teen phase >gaining weight like a champ >walking home with a friend >stupid bitch history teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom >really need to pee >oh f--- >literally p----- EVERYWHERE >friend looks confused as s--- >fuckfuckfuck >"uhhh.. oh S---, my water broke?" >thought my recent weight gain would support this >actually works >friend is freaking out whilst I claim being able to get home to get my mom to drive me to the hospital Couple of weeks later >f------ lie to my friend and say the baby died at birth >make a fake name for this baby I never had >luckily I'm good at fake crying a lot >beg friend to not bring it up ever again as it's "too painful" >she agrees >like it never happened to this day I'm a f------ retard

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anon chills with spiderbro | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)20:39:14 No.63981338 >be me >chilling in my room >windown open >pretty fat and loud fly enters my room >buzzes around for a few minutes >annoying as f--- but I'm too lazy to go chase it 14 KB JPG >suddenly it gets really loud >it flew into the web of spiderbro that lives in the corner of my room >two more minutes until the buzzing is gone for good love you spider bro. I knew it was the right thing to let you chill with me in my room.
: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)20:39:14 No.63981338 >be me >chilling in my room >windown open >pretty fat and loud fly enters my room >buzzes around for a few minutes >annoying as f--- but I'm too lazy to go chase it 14 KB JPG >suddenly it gets really loud >it flew into the web of spiderbro that lives in the corner of my room >two more minutes until the buzzing is gone for good love you spider bro. I knew it was the right thing to let you chill with me in my room.

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Anon probably works at McDonald's | /r/Greentext

/b/ - Ask a guy... Anonymous No.601464164 34 minutes ago Ask a guy who works at McDonalds anything 17 replies Anonymous No.601464417 32 minutes ago >>601464164 (OP) where do you work 1 reply Anonymous No.601464445 32 minutes ago >>601464417 McDonalds ...
/b/ - Ask a guy... Anonymous No.601464164 34 minutes ago Ask a guy who works at McDonalds anything 17 replies Anonymous No.601464417 32 minutes ago >>601464164 (OP) where do you work 1 reply Anonymous No.601464445 32 minutes ago >>601464417 McDonalds ...

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Anon has high iq | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/19(Wed)20:45:00 No.50197127 >be me >not chad >join cuckold community >lots of girls are looking for guys they can cuck, it's their fetish 28 KB JPG >a lot of REALLY HOT chicks end up messaging me >get one to start dating me >the deal is she f---- me and is free to f--- others on the side and sometimes I have to watch >I lose my virginity to her >l immediately go no contact on her and start messaging the other girls through this community >f----- 4 chicks out of my league and it has only been 1 month since I joined. Who here /high IQ/?
: Anonymous 01/02/19(Wed)20:45:00 No.50197127 >be me >not chad >join cuckold community >lots of girls are looking for guys they can cuck, it's their fetish 28 KB JPG >a lot of REALLY HOT chicks end up messaging me >get one to start dating me >the deal is she f---- me and is free to f--- others on the side and sometimes I have to watch >I lose my virginity to her >l immediately go no contact on her and start messaging the other girls through this community >f----- 4 chicks out of my league and it has only been 1 month since I joined. Who here /high IQ/?

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Anon has to fap to gay porn now | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)05:36:30 No.49503680 Anonymn >autists and incels report thots to the IRS WHO REPORTED MY PREMILM SNAPCHAT TO THE IRS? IM BEING F------ AUDITED. My new hobby is reporting thots to the IRS. You con help too. For every subetantial tip, you can be fnancially rewarded httpswww.rgo/oompliance/whisteblower >Thots stop posting nudes and informant award httpswww.sgor/inaviduals/how do you report suspected ta-fraud activty Turmbir and instagram ane enpecially proftable hunting grounda. De your part to stap cyber prostnation p--- 102 KB JPG >Autists and incels have nothing to fap to anymore >Turn to gay p--- to satisfy themselves Good job retards, you're playing right into the Jew agenda.
: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)05:36:30 No.49503680 Anonymn >autists and incels report thots to the IRS WHO REPORTED MY PREMILM SNAPCHAT TO THE IRS? IM BEING F------ AUDITED. My new hobby is reporting thots to the IRS. You con help too. For every subetantial tip, you can be fnancially rewarded httpswww.rgo/oompliance/whisteblower >Thots stop posting nudes and informant award httpswww.sgor/inaviduals/how do you report suspected ta-fraud activty Turmbir and instagram ane enpecially proftable hunting grounda. De your part to stap cyber prostnation p--- 102 KB JPG >Autists and incels have nothing to fap to anymore >Turn to gay p--- to satisfy themselves Good job retards, you're playing right into the Jew agenda.

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Anon had a great idea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)20:17:41 No.844861756 >be me >extremely constipated >tried everything >in huge amount of pain and desperate for relief >have 'great idea' >go to petco and get a gerbil 5 KB JPG >brief him on his mission >operation declog is a go >send the little fella into the cavernous deeps >godspeednibbles.bmp >a couple hours go by and i dont feel him >getting worried >mfw currently at petco to get a rescue gerbil Hold on nibbles help is on the way
: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)20:17:41 No.844861756 >be me >extremely constipated >tried everything >in huge amount of pain and desperate for relief >have 'great idea' >go to petco and get a gerbil 5 KB JPG >brief him on his mission >operation declog is a go >send the little fella into the cavernous deeps >godspeednibbles.bmp >a couple hours go by and i dont feel him >getting worried >mfw currently at petco to get a rescue gerbil Hold on nibbles help is on the way

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Anon collects cool ass rocks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)09:37:17 No.28380896 >costs a few bucks >if it works, you improve your quality of life physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. >if it doesn't work, you have some cool ass rocks that makes you feel better when looking at it. Seems like a win-win to me. 476 KB JPG 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)09:37:17 No.28380896 >costs a few bucks >if it works, you improve your quality of life physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. >if it doesn't work, you have some cool ass rocks that makes you feel better when looking at it. Seems like a win-win to me. 476 KB JPG 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon is alone | /r/Greentext

>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week >She moved out while I was at work >Went into computer room >Her desk is completely empty 13 KB JPG >I sit down and browse the internet for a bit >Looking at random funny videos >Hours pass >Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at >"Hey you have to see th-" >Turn to see an empty desk beside mine I thought she was still here.
>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week >She moved out while I was at work >Went into computer room >Her desk is completely empty 13 KB JPG >I sit down and browse the internet for a bit >Looking at random funny videos >Hours pass >Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at >"Hey you have to see th-" >Turn to see an empty desk beside mine I thought she was still here.

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Memory of water | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21 (Thu)05:48:23 No.63976770 >be me >thirsty as f--- >drink water >immediately feel sharp pains as if i had swallowed a bunch of razors >literally fall to the ground due to the pain What the f--- 127 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)05:52:34 No.63976797 >>63976770 (OP) # Did you check the water for razors before you Frank it? >>63976819 #
: Anonymous 06/03/21 (Thu)05:48:23 No.63976770 >be me >thirsty as f--- >drink water >immediately feel sharp pains as if i had swallowed a bunch of razors >literally fall to the ground due to the pain What the f--- 127 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)05:52:34 No.63976797 >>63976770 (OP) # Did you check the water for razors before you Frank it? >>63976819 #

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Anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)03:58:18 No.855959910 perfectdate.jpg 130 KB JPG >been chatting with this girl on tinder >5/10, not thin but not fat, seems nice >probably the best i'll ever get >"let's meet up for dinner, anon! i know the best place. you'll love it." >if i'm gonna pull this off, i will have to use every fiber of my being to suppress my autism >before meeting her, i make a checklist >"don't ramble about minecraft/anime/roblox/pokemon/the star wars prequels/dogecoin" >"don't complain about having asperger's" >"don't lecture her about the jews" >we finally meet >"anon! hello there!" >"GENERAL KENOBI!" >"...what?" >"...oh, it's just...that's what general grievous says in the star wars prequels.." >"...what?" >"you'll have to excuse me, i have asperger's...i just..when i heard you say 'hello there' i had to say 'GENERAL KENOBI-" KILL DATE.EXE RESTART DATE.EXE >"anon! hello there!" >"hi! it's so great to finally meet you! i'm starving!" >"you will love the baked ziti. i order it every time i'm here!" >"i hope i can pay for it in dogecoin!" >"...do..dogecoin? what's that?" >"dogecoin is a cryptocurrency. elon musk is a big fan of dogecoin. elon musk has asperger's. have i mentioned that i have asperger's?" >"..." >"have you ever played minecraft? it kicks ass. it's like legos, but the legos are on your computer-" KILL DATE.EXE RESTART DATE.EXE >"anon! hello there!" >we both order the baked ziti >we really hit it off >"anon..do you want to go back to my place?" >successfully fight off the urge to make excited pikachu noises >we're at her place >making out >"anon, i'm so f------ horny...i want you to whisper in my ear. tell me what you want to do to me." >lean in >whisper >"hey..." >"...let me tell you about the Jews." KILL DATE.EXE RESTART DATE.EXE 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)04:02:04 No.855960109 kys
: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)03:58:18 No.855959910 perfectdate.jpg 130 KB JPG >been chatting with this girl on tinder >5/10, not thin but not fat, seems nice >probably the best i'll ever get >"let's meet up for dinner, anon! i know the best place. you'll love it." >if i'm gonna pull this off, i will have to use every fiber of my being to suppress my autism >before meeting her, i make a checklist >"don't ramble about minecraft/anime/roblox/pokemon/the star wars prequels/dogecoin" >"don't complain about having asperger's" >"don't lecture her about the jews" >we finally meet >"anon! hello there!" >"GENERAL KENOBI!" >"...what?" >"...oh, it's just...that's what general grievous says in the star wars prequels.." >"...what?" >"you'll have to excuse me, i have asperger's...i just..when i heard you say 'hello there' i had to say 'GENERAL KENOBI-" KILL DATE.EXE RESTART DATE.EXE >"anon! hello there!" >"hi! it's so great to finally meet you! i'm starving!" >"you will love the baked ziti. i order it every time i'm here!" >"i hope i can pay for it in dogecoin!" >"...do..dogecoin? what's that?" >"dogecoin is a cryptocurrency. elon musk is a big fan of dogecoin. elon musk has asperger's. have i mentioned that i have asperger's?" >"..." >"have you ever played minecraft? it kicks ass. it's like legos, but the legos are on your computer-" KILL DATE.EXE RESTART DATE.EXE >"anon! hello there!" >we both order the baked ziti >we really hit it off >"anon..do you want to go back to my place?" >successfully fight off the urge to make excited pikachu noises >we're at her place >making out >"anon, i'm so f------ horny...i want you to whisper in my ear. tell me what you want to do to me." >lean in >whisper >"hey..." >"...let me tell you about the Jews." KILL DATE.EXE RESTART DATE.EXE 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)04:02:04 No.855960109 kys

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Anon's dad is Conservative | /r/Greentext

File: 02557E39-D43C-493C-B6A9-F(.).png (269 KB, 686x614) O Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)19:46:15 No.855975991 >855976047>855976082 >My conservative Italian dad thinks that it's 'less masculine' to listen to music with a female singer >l accidentally played 2 songs by Heart when we were in my car together >Now he's yelling at my mom and saying that she raised a f----- >My dad literally thinks I'm gay because of some songs that I like >l've had a gf since I was 16 What the f--- O Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)19:47:08 No.855976047 >>855975991 (OP) Lmao your dad is a repressed homosexual sorry bro Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)19:47:43 No.855976082 >>855975991 (OP) Your dad sounds pretty based tbh
File: 02557E39-D43C-493C-B6A9-F(.).png (269 KB, 686x614) O Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)19:46:15 No.855975991 >855976047>855976082 >My conservative Italian dad thinks that it's 'less masculine' to listen to music with a female singer >l accidentally played 2 songs by Heart when we were in my car together >Now he's yelling at my mom and saying that she raised a f----- >My dad literally thinks I'm gay because of some songs that I like >l've had a gf since I was 16 What the f--- O Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)19:47:08 No.855976047 >>855975991 (OP) Lmao your dad is a repressed homosexual sorry bro Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)19:47:43 No.855976082 >>855975991 (OP) Your dad sounds pretty based tbh

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Anon gets saved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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