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Anon Takes a Sexy Shower | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 787170054 36 min. ago 0. >be me 15 >Parents don't give a f--- about me, I have nothing to do, so I spend most of my time bumming around with other loser friends >One day at skate park, piss off some older dudes, my friends bail on me and I get jumped >They take my wallet and snap my board >l'm walking home head hung low, ripped shirt broken board >Friends qt older sister is driving by and sees 83.3 kB JPG me >Pulls over >"OMG anon what happened" Tell her, she invited me over to get cleaned up >We get there, she whipes blood off my face, starts telling me how mad she is that those assholes did what they did to me >Starts to massage me >Boner activated >Hey anon why dont you take a shower and clean up your scrapes >l agree, she brings me to the bathroom, starts undressing me, her hand brushes on my boner >Giggles, "ooh anon, a little excited are we?" >Tells me to get in the shower, tells me she'll be right back >lm washing off, see the door start to crack open >See eye peering in at me >Feeling bold, "why dont you come join me you little slut" >Voice booms "don't mind if I do!" >Her dad runs in and f---- the s--- out of my ass and then leaves me broken on the shower floor
Anonymous | 787170054 36 min. ago 0. >be me 15 >Parents don't give a f--- about me, I have nothing to do, so I spend most of my time bumming around with other loser friends >One day at skate park, piss off some older dudes, my friends bail on me and I get jumped >They take my wallet and snap my board >l'm walking home head hung low, ripped shirt broken board >Friends qt older sister is driving by and sees 83.3 kB JPG me >Pulls over >"OMG anon what happened" Tell her, she invited me over to get cleaned up >We get there, she whipes blood off my face, starts telling me how mad she is that those assholes did what they did to me >Starts to massage me >Boner activated >Hey anon why dont you take a shower and clean up your scrapes >l agree, she brings me to the bathroom, starts undressing me, her hand brushes on my boner >Giggles, "ooh anon, a little excited are we?" >Tells me to get in the shower, tells me she'll be right back >lm washing off, see the door start to crack open >See eye peering in at me >Feeling bold, "why dont you come join me you little slut" >Voice booms "don't mind if I do!" >Her dad runs in and f---- the s--- out of my ass and then leaves me broken on the shower floor

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)05:15:52 No.852897545 File: 1617925878151.jpg (7 KB, 250x242) >>852896962 (OP) >try to kms >tfw i fail >sent to f------ insane asylum >OnlyMakesltWorse.png >do it again >tfw I chicken out and get wasted instead >blackout >wake up in hospital >vomit my brains out >doctors check with my insurance >they think it was another attempt >give me a s----- questionnaire >answer semi-honestly >think I'm in the clear >tfw I'm sent back to the asylum >still f------ depressed >they put me on more drugs >flash-foreword >stilldepressed png
O Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)05:15:52 No.852897545 File: 1617925878151.jpg (7 KB, 250x242) >>852896962 (OP) >try to kms >tfw i fail >sent to f------ insane asylum >OnlyMakesltWorse.png >do it again >tfw I chicken out and get wasted instead >blackout >wake up in hospital >vomit my brains out >doctors check with my insurance >they think it was another attempt >give me a s----- questionnaire >answer semi-honestly >think I'm in the clear >tfw I'm sent back to the asylum >still f------ depressed >they put me on more drugs >flash-foreword >stilldepressed png

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Anon is a wizard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Childhood Moments 06/07/21(Mon)16:34:15 No.64043777 A story from when I was a little f------ s--- head little baby little s--- boy >be me, 10 >think I'm a wizard cause my hippy dad talks about it so 25 KB JPG much >like the cool magic battles on tv >decide l'm gonna become a wizard >think of how to do it >idea >"I'Il build up the magic in my arms and release a fireball!" >punch a hole through the drywall into my parents room >see them having sex >epic win
: Anonymous Childhood Moments 06/07/21(Mon)16:34:15 No.64043777 A story from when I was a little f------ s--- head little baby little s--- boy >be me, 10 >think I'm a wizard cause my hippy dad talks about it so 25 KB JPG much >like the cool magic battles on tv >decide l'm gonna become a wizard >think of how to do it >idea >"I'Il build up the magic in my arms and release a fireball!" >punch a hole through the drywall into my parents room >see them having sex >epic win

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Anon ain't losing the game | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/18/15(Sun)15:21:54 No.593368861 >593373099 >>593376876 File: 1421170933233.jpg (24 KB, 288x499) >>593366653 (OP) >be me 18 >new at this school >gym class >im a pretty decent looking guy >i look good in sport s--- because muh pecs >We get to play dodgeball WHY >f--- yes >play for a bit >trying to show of for this cutie >she's into me >she is on the other team >she throws at me >dodge >grab ball >throw it at some dude with the force of a thousand sons >l miss him >hit the cutie in the face >AreYouKiddingMeGod? jpg >her nose is bleeding >teeth through her lip >she's crying >l cant cross the line to help her because the rules >l aint losing the game >spagheti everywhere
O Anonymous 01/18/15(Sun)15:21:54 No.593368861 >593373099 >>593376876 File: 1421170933233.jpg (24 KB, 288x499) >>593366653 (OP) >be me 18 >new at this school >gym class >im a pretty decent looking guy >i look good in sport s--- because muh pecs >We get to play dodgeball WHY >f--- yes >play for a bit >trying to show of for this cutie >she's into me >she is on the other team >she throws at me >dodge >grab ball >throw it at some dude with the force of a thousand sons >l miss him >hit the cutie in the face >AreYouKiddingMeGod? jpg >her nose is bleeding >teeth through her lip >she's crying >l cant cross the line to help her because the rules >l aint losing the game >spagheti everywhere

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Anon was a weeb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)14:56:42 No.11268247 14pdzcobcfk51.jpg 163 KB JPG >Be dangerous Islamic terrorist >Most wanted man on the planet >American government topples various regimes just to find you >Turns out he was he was hiding in a cave in an unaffiliated country, playing vidya and watching anime >Mfw he probably shitposted on this website
: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)14:56:42 No.11268247 14pdzcobcfk51.jpg 163 KB JPG >Be dangerous Islamic terrorist >Most wanted man on the planet >American government topples various regimes just to find you >Turns out he was he was hiding in a cave in an unaffiliated country, playing vidya and watching anime >Mfw he probably shitposted on this website

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Anon is a whiny cunt of a child | /r/Greentext

>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as
>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as

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Fat nuts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/26/19(Wed)21:22:09 No.8032395 >be me, a Pokémon > live in forest with wife and child >go out to pick berries to feed my family >get f------ assulted and knocked out feelsbadman.jpeg >wake up in dark, red and white ball >h-------- it's cramped in here 412 KB JPG >sit in there for hours >get teleported out through a fookin lazah >yet again, get assaulted, and knocked out Whattheactualfuck.gif >back in the dark ball >for all I know, I could be in some guys testi >haven't seen my family in a long time... Please god help me I'm losing hope...
: Anonymous 06/26/19(Wed)21:22:09 No.8032395 >be me, a Pokémon > live in forest with wife and child >go out to pick berries to feed my family >get f------ assulted and knocked out feelsbadman.jpeg >wake up in dark, red and white ball >h-------- it's cramped in here 412 KB JPG >sit in there for hours >get teleported out through a fookin lazah >yet again, get assaulted, and knocked out Whattheactualfuck.gif >back in the dark ball >for all I know, I could be in some guys testi >haven't seen my family in a long time... Please god help me I'm losing hope...

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Anon recalls the Bush war in Africa. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/17(Wed)09:11:28 No.79676775 >>79675930 # This reminds me of something I read from the Bush War >Rhodies recover enemy rifles after each engagement >They keep finding rifles with the rear sight dialed in to the highest setting, practically f------ indirect fire >They are extremely confused by this >Eventually they ask a prisoner about it during interrogation >Literally none of them know what the sights are for, they think that choosing the bigger number makes the gun shoot harder Warfare in Africa is truly unbelievable >>79678011 # >>79678022 # >>79678742 #
: Anonymous 02/22/17(Wed)09:11:28 No.79676775 >>79675930 # This reminds me of something I read from the Bush War >Rhodies recover enemy rifles after each engagement >They keep finding rifles with the rear sight dialed in to the highest setting, practically f------ indirect fire >They are extremely confused by this >Eventually they ask a prisoner about it during interrogation >Literally none of them know what the sights are for, they think that choosing the bigger number makes the gun shoot harder Warfare in Africa is truly unbelievable >>79678011 # >>79678022 # >>79678742 #

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Anon Gets Reverse-Trapped | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:53:45 >Be me >Be gay >Start looking at femboys, I start to like them >Go on forums and learn they are real >Start fantasizing about them >Decide to do something >Go to a club to try to hook up >Meet this cute femboy at the bar >After a few drinks we go to my place >Start making out >After a while things get heated >He gets undressed >He has a vagina >She isn't a femboy, shes just a normal girl >MFW I'm actually straight and not a f-----
Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:53:45 >Be me >Be gay >Start looking at femboys, I start to like them >Go on forums and learn they are real >Start fantasizing about them >Decide to do something >Go to a club to try to hook up >Meet this cute femboy at the bar >After a few drinks we go to my place >Start making out >After a while things get heated >He gets undressed >He has a vagina >She isn't a femboy, shes just a normal girl >MFW I'm actually straight and not a f-----

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r/greentext | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)14:53:00 No.77604414 >be me >5 >my uncle rapes me See you later virgins 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)15:02:52 No.776044656 >>776044142 (OP) # bye
:Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)14:53:00 No.77604414 >be me >5 >my uncle rapes me See you later virgins 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)15:02:52 No.776044656 >>776044142 (OP) # bye

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Anon doesnt believe in microwaves | /r/Greentext

>no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
>no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon shares his feelings | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)14:34:27 No.856298809 >feels time, /b/ >uncertain on what to do with my life back when I was 18 >can't hold a job and too stoopid for college >killing myself was always an option in my mind 86 KB JPG >i was afraid to do it tho >no friends or family to help me figure my s--- out either >girl I knew from HS messages me one day out of the blue >remembers me for some reason even though we never talked >entertaining and fun to talk to >doesn't take too long for me to crush on her >don't wanna mess things up, so never tell her how I feel >i am starting to appreciate life more solely because of her at this point >to my despair, she ghosts me out of nowhere >fuckmylife.jpeg >at this point l'm so frustrated I need to get it out of my chest >go on and message her long paragraphs calling her a cruel nagging bitch for doing that to me and so on >she sends the last message l'd get from her a week later: "I'm sorry, my mom got corona and died last month" now before you screencap this and post it to plebbit, read the first letter of each sentence
: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)14:34:27 No.856298809 >feels time, /b/ >uncertain on what to do with my life back when I was 18 >can't hold a job and too stoopid for college >killing myself was always an option in my mind 86 KB JPG >i was afraid to do it tho >no friends or family to help me figure my s--- out either >girl I knew from HS messages me one day out of the blue >remembers me for some reason even though we never talked >entertaining and fun to talk to >doesn't take too long for me to crush on her >don't wanna mess things up, so never tell her how I feel >i am starting to appreciate life more solely because of her at this point >to my despair, she ghosts me out of nowhere >fuckmylife.jpeg >at this point l'm so frustrated I need to get it out of my chest >go on and message her long paragraphs calling her a cruel nagging bitch for doing that to me and so on >she sends the last message l'd get from her a week later: "I'm sorry, my mom got corona and died last month" now before you screencap this and post it to plebbit, read the first letter of each sentence

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Anon is a coomer | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have super ashy skin (I'm white) >So bad that in the mid- summer I sometimes bleed from my skin cracking >Go to dermatologist 74 KB JPG >Get this lotion thats supposed to help >300 dollars a bottle >Get home >J------- with it
>Be me >Have super ashy skin (I'm white) >So bad that in the mid- summer I sometimes bleed from my skin cracking >Go to dermatologist 74 KB JPG >Get this lotion thats supposed to help >300 dollars a bottle >Get home >J------- with it

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Anon is watching a movie with his family | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/23/17(Sat)23:41:57 No.88111436 v terrorpepe.jpg (29 KB, 600x600) google yandex igdb wait >>88111638 >>88111677 >watching movie with family >sex scene imminent >"b-bathroom" >get up and run to bathroom, lock door >after a minute, worry that they might be listening >slowly dump bottle of mouthwash into toilet so it sounds like i'm peeing >realize that i've been in the bathroom too long to just be peeing >start loudly making grunting noises >drop the bar of soap into toilet and let out a sigh of relief >flush, soap clogs the toilet >if i ask for the plunger, they might see that it's mom's good soap clogging it >reach in with my hands and manage to break up the soap bar >toilet flushes >realize i can't wash my hands without soap >wipe them all over my shirt, now it looks like i've been sweating >i think they'll buy it >go back to sit down with family >"jesus anon, are you okay?" >"y-yeah, haha" >"good. here, we paused the movie when you got up"
Anonymous 09/23/17(Sat)23:41:57 No.88111436 v terrorpepe.jpg (29 KB, 600x600) google yandex igdb wait >>88111638 >>88111677 >watching movie with family >sex scene imminent >"b-bathroom" >get up and run to bathroom, lock door >after a minute, worry that they might be listening >slowly dump bottle of mouthwash into toilet so it sounds like i'm peeing >realize that i've been in the bathroom too long to just be peeing >start loudly making grunting noises >drop the bar of soap into toilet and let out a sigh of relief >flush, soap clogs the toilet >if i ask for the plunger, they might see that it's mom's good soap clogging it >reach in with my hands and manage to break up the soap bar >toilet flushes >realize i can't wash my hands without soap >wipe them all over my shirt, now it looks like i've been sweating >i think they'll buy it >go back to sit down with family >"jesus anon, are you okay?" >"y-yeah, haha" >"good. here, we paused the movie when you got up"

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Anon gets roasted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)13:19:14 No.64040670 >nearly ten years ago >be 18 uind >compete shut in for six months post graduation >like to play minecraft >load up a seed, decide to leave it open for other players 31 KB JPG >player immediately loads in >it's a kid >we start talking >asks why I'm using my sister's Xbox account >w--.jpg this is my account >my username is very feminine, as I am female >he laughs and says "you don't sound like a girl" >respond "yeah well my allergies are bad so my voice sounds raspy" >he replies "o..." clears his throat, trying to make his voice deeper "well you know I'm like, 15 so... yeah... how old are you?" >little fella is clearly no older than 10 >smile and gently call him out, say "dude c'mon there's no way you're older than 10, it's okay though" >he sighs >says "yeah.... but at least I don't sound like a crusty drag queen" >he disconnects >sitting there, dumbfounded >mfw I just got roasted by a child
: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)13:19:14 No.64040670 >nearly ten years ago >be 18 uind >compete shut in for six months post graduation >like to play minecraft >load up a seed, decide to leave it open for other players 31 KB JPG >player immediately loads in >it's a kid >we start talking >asks why I'm using my sister's Xbox account >w--.jpg this is my account >my username is very feminine, as I am female >he laughs and says "you don't sound like a girl" >respond "yeah well my allergies are bad so my voice sounds raspy" >he replies "o..." clears his throat, trying to make his voice deeper "well you know I'm like, 15 so... yeah... how old are you?" >little fella is clearly no older than 10 >smile and gently call him out, say "dude c'mon there's no way you're older than 10, it's okay though" >he sighs >says "yeah.... but at least I don't sound like a crusty drag queen" >he disconnects >sitting there, dumbfounded >mfw I just got roasted by a child

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Anon plays the game and wins | /r/Greentext

youknow.jpg (44 KB, 750x1000) google yandex iqdb wait I Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)23:02:22 No.856235180 v >>856235461 >>856235484 >>856236176 > Working at IT department in bank > Company currently joined the woke-train and now we get all kinds of workshops on why straight white men are the devil > Roll eyes - none of the Directors/VPs are of color.. > People start to insert moronic 'she/her' and 'his/him' to their signatures > Getting so annoyed by this, I insert 'they/them' in my signature > One of my colleagues (and one of the drivers behind this whole moronification of signatures) asks me about my signature >I reply "I don't think it's appropriate to talk about these things at work - please just respects my pronouns" > This person goes mad, accusing me of mocking the pronouns >I think "F--- it. No way for her to prove it", and step to HR to complain > Colleague is being asked to stop her questioning (and gets her first official warning), but still brings it up two more times >I go to HR again, she gets her second official warning > I'm enjoying that this moronic s--- is now biting the proponents in their ass > Again, she's alluding to my pronouns not being genuine during a meeting >I make a big scene of it (lulz), and HR gets involved again > Last Friday was her last day.
youknow.jpg (44 KB, 750x1000) google yandex iqdb wait I Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)23:02:22 No.856235180 v >>856235461 >>856235484 >>856236176 > Working at IT department in bank > Company currently joined the woke-train and now we get all kinds of workshops on why straight white men are the devil > Roll eyes - none of the Directors/VPs are of color.. > People start to insert moronic 'she/her' and 'his/him' to their signatures > Getting so annoyed by this, I insert 'they/them' in my signature > One of my colleagues (and one of the drivers behind this whole moronification of signatures) asks me about my signature >I reply "I don't think it's appropriate to talk about these things at work - please just respects my pronouns" > This person goes mad, accusing me of mocking the pronouns >I think "F--- it. No way for her to prove it", and step to HR to complain > Colleague is being asked to stop her questioning (and gets her first official warning), but still brings it up two more times >I go to HR again, she gets her second official warning > I'm enjoying that this moronic s--- is now biting the proponents in their ass > Again, she's alluding to my pronouns not being genuine during a meeting >I make a big scene of it (lulz), and HR gets involved again > Last Friday was her last day.

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Anon is a gamer.. | /r/Greentext


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Anon goes on dates | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Troll goes on dates 06/07/21(Mon)14:22:45 No.64037650 >be me >in a good mood >decide to go on dates with women >pick the most plastic-looking ones >"Oh nice eyebrows, if you were to blink too fast l'm afraid you would 62 KB JPG hit an airplane" >"What's up with your lips? Were you stung by a bee? You look like pufferfish!" >"Nice blush, how many kilograms did you put on"? >"Beautiful hair, but it seems more scorched than Russia from all the ironing" >"Good looking jeans, did you steal them from the 12-year-old boy's locker room? Because they seem very tight for someone your size" >"Can you tell me how much work dis you put in your contour, was it to hide your double chin I can see from across the table?" >lt was a pleasure, ladies.
: Anonymous Troll goes on dates 06/07/21(Mon)14:22:45 No.64037650 >be me >in a good mood >decide to go on dates with women >pick the most plastic-looking ones >"Oh nice eyebrows, if you were to blink too fast l'm afraid you would 62 KB JPG hit an airplane" >"What's up with your lips? Were you stung by a bee? You look like pufferfish!" >"Nice blush, how many kilograms did you put on"? >"Beautiful hair, but it seems more scorched than Russia from all the ironing" >"Good looking jeans, did you steal them from the 12-year-old boy's locker room? Because they seem very tight for someone your size" >"Can you tell me how much work dis you put in your contour, was it to hide your double chin I can see from across the table?" >lt was a pleasure, ladies.

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Anon lives in a dystopia | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)02:09:59 No.846027205 >live in Tolerance Zone #65 >be nu-trans fourth-trimester transsensual Angst Profile ZETA-8 genderqueer pseudo-d--- reformed lesbiophilic heteromollusc >see cis thin white male at the zoo 1016 KB PNG >ask "mommies, what's that?" >they don't know >Genderless Polyamorous Parental Unit #2 takes me into a Safe Zone and engages the Feelings Shield >tells me that it is a monster from the beforetime >tells me not to be scared, because the monsters' penisocracy was smashed by the forces of the LBJQGTA5 Coalition in the Patriarchy Wars >start to cry >s/he opens his and/or her rainbow mesh vest and retrieves an estrogen pill to cheer me up >feeling the calming femininity wash over me >s/he tells me that the monsters aren't allowed to hurt anyone anymore, only to work, to support our glorious society >throw Privilege Peanuts at him >everyone laughs >take some soma >go home, tune in to CNN and celebrate the first couple of weeks of Joe Biden's Presidency of the United States of America >mfw
: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)02:09:59 No.846027205 >live in Tolerance Zone #65 >be nu-trans fourth-trimester transsensual Angst Profile ZETA-8 genderqueer pseudo-d--- reformed lesbiophilic heteromollusc >see cis thin white male at the zoo 1016 KB PNG >ask "mommies, what's that?" >they don't know >Genderless Polyamorous Parental Unit #2 takes me into a Safe Zone and engages the Feelings Shield >tells me that it is a monster from the beforetime >tells me not to be scared, because the monsters' penisocracy was smashed by the forces of the LBJQGTA5 Coalition in the Patriarchy Wars >start to cry >s/he opens his and/or her rainbow mesh vest and retrieves an estrogen pill to cheer me up >feeling the calming femininity wash over me >s/he tells me that the monsters aren't allowed to hurt anyone anymore, only to work, to support our glorious society >throw Privilege Peanuts at him >everyone laughs >take some soma >go home, tune in to CNN and celebrate the first couple of weeks of Joe Biden's Presidency of the United States of America >mfw

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Anon doesn’t believes in “science” | /r/Greentext

>be you >Vaccinated with Pfizer >Proud >Find out that vaccines aren't FDA approved >find out that Pfizer is a f------ boner pill company 54 KB JPG >question your life choices
>be you >Vaccinated with Pfizer >Proud >Find out that vaccines aren't FDA approved >find out that Pfizer is a f------ boner pill company 54 KB JPG >question your life choices

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