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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Ackward Moments wih Costumer S(...) 06/09/21(Wed)16:05:08 No.64068820 >Be me >Barely go out besides buying stuff and food >Decide i want to eat pizza >Little Caesar's is accross the street so i go there >Ask for my order and they tell me 328 KB PNG to wait for like 15 minutes. >Get my ticket while i wait >Cashier says my name so i go and pickup my pizza >Cashier extends hand >Confused, but i give him a handshake >Cashier looks at me funny and i still don't get what's going on >"i need your ticket, Sir" >Realize >Inmediately feel ashamed to hell and back Why am i this much of a retard? I cannot enter that place anymore out of pure embarrasment.
: Anonymous Ackward Moments wih Costumer S(...) 06/09/21(Wed)16:05:08 No.64068820 >Be me >Barely go out besides buying stuff and food >Decide i want to eat pizza >Little Caesar's is accross the street so i go there >Ask for my order and they tell me 328 KB PNG to wait for like 15 minutes. >Get my ticket while i wait >Cashier says my name so i go and pickup my pizza >Cashier extends hand >Confused, but i give him a handshake >Cashier looks at me funny and i still don't get what's going on >"i need your ticket, Sir" >Realize >Inmediately feel ashamed to hell and back Why am i this much of a retard? I cannot enter that place anymore out of pure embarrasment.

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Anon appreciates nofap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous P--- and M----------- are depl(...) 06/09/21 (Wed)16:53:05 No.64075844 >P--- causes irreversible brain damage >Jerking off limits testosterone, muscles become weaker >Dopamine receptors will be fried meaning you will never experience true happiness 90 KB PNG Quit now. No fapping = god powers
: Anonymous P--- and M----------- are depl(...) 06/09/21 (Wed)16:53:05 No.64075844 >P--- causes irreversible brain damage >Jerking off limits testosterone, muscles become weaker >Dopamine receptors will be fried meaning you will never experience true happiness 90 KB PNG Quit now. No fapping = god powers

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Anon gets a chicken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)17:00:19 No.810941096 >be from Congo >walk to my wife's side of the hut >she's using a bazooka as a dildo >tell her we need to go to the village for food 415 KB JPG >she won't stop masterbating >hear a click >she looks up at me concerned >f------ explodes >she is literally a red stain on the ground >dammit there's a hole in the house >fixing this hole won't put grub in my belly >grab some spare AK47S to trade >sling them over my shoulder and start walking down the trail >get to village >one of the vendors is trying to sell me a chicken >he says the chicken lays eggs and is practically infinite food >give him a couple AK47S and bring the chicken home >you know this chicken looks really tasty >eat the chicken raw, feathers and all >starve to death two weeks later
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)17:00:19 No.810941096 >be from Congo >walk to my wife's side of the hut >she's using a bazooka as a dildo >tell her we need to go to the village for food 415 KB JPG >she won't stop masterbating >hear a click >she looks up at me concerned >f------ explodes >she is literally a red stain on the ground >dammit there's a hole in the house >fixing this hole won't put grub in my belly >grab some spare AK47S to trade >sling them over my shoulder and start walking down the trail >get to village >one of the vendors is trying to sell me a chicken >he says the chicken lays eggs and is practically infinite food >give him a couple AK47S and bring the chicken home >you know this chicken looks really tasty >eat the chicken raw, feathers and all >starve to death two weeks later

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Gaben makes an announcement | /r/Greentext

File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot
File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot

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Anon gets some action in bed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on >There's a woman with no facial features other 42 KB JPG then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.
: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on >There's a woman with no facial features other 42 KB JPG then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.

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Anon walks dogs | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)18:27:23 No.856467654 > be me young single m > just moved to nyc > want to meet some locals > also want a dog but apartment too small and roommate allergic to furs 51 KB PNG > walking to work see flyer > "I Walk dogs for 10 dollars" braincell.gif > write my number on the flyer and write For Free > ffwd to later at work > phone rings > hey anon I saw your flyer I have two dogs that need to be walked > leave work early to walk these two furry friends > they jump up on me love sniffing and getting attention from me feels good man > decide I want to do this full time > don't charge anything just do it for the dogs :) met a lot of local dogs this way. many of you should try this
! Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)18:27:23 No.856467654 > be me young single m > just moved to nyc > want to meet some locals > also want a dog but apartment too small and roommate allergic to furs 51 KB PNG > walking to work see flyer > "I Walk dogs for 10 dollars" braincell.gif > write my number on the flyer and write For Free > ffwd to later at work > phone rings > hey anon I saw your flyer I have two dogs that need to be walked > leave work early to walk these two furry friends > they jump up on me love sniffing and getting attention from me feels good man > decide I want to do this full time > don't charge anything just do it for the dogs :) met a lot of local dogs this way. many of you should try this

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Anon eats a bean and cheese burrito | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:47:07 No.856438192 >lunchtime CLARA'S AITCHEN >hungry as f---, didn't eat breakfast BEAN & CHEESE >look in fridge for tendies >found none BURRITO Organic Plata Beane, Organie Brown Rice, And Cheese SESLUN tard_rage.png 694 KB JPG >find bean and cheese burrito >take photo >send the photo as a mass email to everyone in my contacts >no subject, just the picture and "get bean and cheese burrito'd" F------ got 'em anons : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:48:00 No.856438229 >>856438192 (OP) # Based
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:47:07 No.856438192 >lunchtime CLARA'S AITCHEN >hungry as f---, didn't eat breakfast BEAN & CHEESE >look in fridge for tendies >found none BURRITO Organic Plata Beane, Organie Brown Rice, And Cheese SESLUN tard_rage.png 694 KB JPG >find bean and cheese burrito >take photo >send the photo as a mass email to everyone in my contacts >no subject, just the picture and "get bean and cheese burrito'd" F------ got 'em anons : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:48:00 No.856438229 >>856438192 (OP) # Based

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Sus eagle kid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/31/14(Wed)22:39:31 No.589577231 >be 10yo me >have an obsession with eagles >bookshelf filled with eagle s--- >go to zoo >be a regular >sit there like a tard staring at eagles >handler knows me >asks if i want to get up close >get a bald eagle to land on her hand >majestic as f--- >this one has an infection on his wing >we hear police sirens >f------ SWAT team comes out >slams into me >eagle pathetically attempts to fly away >gets up in the air >they f------ take it out with a sniper >sobbing at this point >ask them why they did it >"It was a sick eagle" >"So?" >"That's prohibited by the law" >"Why?" >"Because they are illeagle"
Anonymous 12/31/14(Wed)22:39:31 No.589577231 >be 10yo me >have an obsession with eagles >bookshelf filled with eagle s--- >go to zoo >be a regular >sit there like a tard staring at eagles >handler knows me >asks if i want to get up close >get a bald eagle to land on her hand >majestic as f--- >this one has an infection on his wing >we hear police sirens >f------ SWAT team comes out >slams into me >eagle pathetically attempts to fly away >gets up in the air >they f------ take it out with a sniper >sobbing at this point >ask them why they did it >"It was a sick eagle" >"So?" >"That's prohibited by the law" >"Why?" >"Because they are illeagle"

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Anon hugs someone he likes. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)21:50:41 No.64020304 >give her a hug >hug for a very long time >worry I'm hugging for too long >"do you want me to let go?" >she squeezes me tighter :))) 11 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)22:12:38 No.64020468 >>64020304 (OP) # that makes me feel very lonely fren but also very happy for you, wishing the best for you two
: Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)21:50:41 No.64020304 >give her a hug >hug for a very long time >worry I'm hugging for too long >"do you want me to let go?" >she squeezes me tighter :))) 11 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)22:12:38 No.64020468 >>64020304 (OP) # that makes me feel very lonely fren but also very happy for you, wishing the best for you two

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Anon is a dank memer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/04/18(Tue)22:04:46 No.47942852 >be me grade 12 >taking finals >snuck my phone in for no reason >do not disturb on but didn't turn it off >have app on phone that screeches 0OF when it detects 34 KB PNG when it gets dropped >middle of test >phone falls out of pocket >phone screeches at max volume, OOF >teacher looks at me >friend from across room is trying so hard not to laugh >i got expelled >have to go to another high school >mfw i'll probably never graduate due to a meme
: Anonymous 09/04/18(Tue)22:04:46 No.47942852 >be me grade 12 >taking finals >snuck my phone in for no reason >do not disturb on but didn't turn it off >have app on phone that screeches 0OF when it detects 34 KB PNG when it gets dropped >middle of test >phone falls out of pocket >phone screeches at max volume, OOF >teacher looks at me >friend from across room is trying so hard not to laugh >i got expelled >have to go to another high school >mfw i'll probably never graduate due to a meme

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No Place on Earth is Good | /r/Greentext

>be american BORN FEEL >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ >be european 14 KB JPG >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all
>be american BORN FEEL >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ >be european 14 KB JPG >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all

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r/greentext | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)19:00:42 No.845014059 >wipe ass >blood 902 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
| Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)19:00:42 No.845014059 >wipe ass >blood 902 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon eats Snickers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)17:50:00 No.16249052 SNICKERS SNICKERD SNIGKERN DNCKERS BNIGKEND DURED WILE CHICOLATEt PE CARAMEL-MO HILE CHOCOLAE PESARAL SNIGKERS DNIUREID WILE CHECLAPEA c MILE DHGCOL PATCARAMEL MILE CHOCOLATEPAN CAAAMSSO CHOCOLIETETE NUSA MLK CHOCA MAUCAu TUESS aLK CHOCOLATE PEANUTS CARAME u SACKES SNICKERS Caniy Warehouse 127952-03_snickers-candy-bars-48-piece-box.jpg 118 KB JPG >eat a display case of snickers i bought from costco >fingers and toes hurt like hell >hands won't stop shaking >entire body feels cold BAIBKERS
: Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)17:50:00 No.16249052 SNICKERS SNICKERD SNIGKERN DNCKERS BNIGKEND DURED WILE CHICOLATEt PE CARAMEL-MO HILE CHOCOLAE PESARAL SNIGKERS DNIUREID WILE CHECLAPEA c MILE DHGCOL PATCARAMEL MILE CHOCOLATEPAN CAAAMSSO CHOCOLIETETE NUSA MLK CHOCA MAUCAu TUESS aLK CHOCOLATE PEANUTS CARAME u SACKES SNICKERS Caniy Warehouse 127952-03_snickers-candy-bars-48-piece-box.jpg 118 KB JPG >eat a display case of snickers i bought from costco >fingers and toes hurt like hell >hands won't stop shaking >entire body feels cold BAIBKERS

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Anon proposes his business idea | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: 36/XZRM. Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium(...) 01/25/21(Mon)11:00:32 No.26522171 >business idea >Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium' where we got your d--- covered! >got your foreskin stolen? No worries we got your d-------'s back bro 42 KB JPG >we have foreskins of all colors!! >tie dye, crazy designs!! >like star wars? We have foreskins with Yoda and Darth Vader printed on them >want your pet's face on your foreskin? Say no more >custom made foreskins for the foreskinless!! >we also do gift wrapping Whatta think /biz/?
:Anonymous (ID: 36/XZRM. Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium(...) 01/25/21(Mon)11:00:32 No.26522171 >business idea >Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium' where we got your d--- covered! >got your foreskin stolen? No worries we got your d-------'s back bro 42 KB JPG >we have foreskins of all colors!! >tie dye, crazy designs!! >like star wars? We have foreskins with Yoda and Darth Vader printed on them >want your pet's face on your foreskin? Say no more >custom made foreskins for the foreskinless!! >we also do gift wrapping Whatta think /biz/?

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Anon Is Homosexual | /r/Greentext

File: 79294747429475.png (647 KB, 745x763) Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)07:59:14 No.856441691 >Be me >Gay >Go to pride parade >Littered with Dildos, Bdsm, and full nude queers with body paint. >Children watching on the sidelines I swear I am getting a wife and a child just to spite these f------.
File: 79294747429475.png (647 KB, 745x763) Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)07:59:14 No.856441691 >Be me >Gay >Go to pride parade >Littered with Dildos, Bdsm, and full nude queers with body paint. >Children watching on the sidelines I swear I am getting a wife and a child just to spite these f------.

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Shalom my friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/20(Thu)16:37:49 No.9296960 1593879708751.jpg 63 KB JPG >>9296947 # shalom
: Anonymous 08/20/20(Thu)16:37:49 No.9296960 1593879708751.jpg 63 KB JPG >>9296947 # shalom

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Anon gets hit by a car :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/17(Thu)23:08:41 No.738807804 >be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >l swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.
: Anonymous 07/13/17(Thu)23:08:41 No.738807804 >be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >l swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.

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Anon travels | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: zri23dQ1) 08/13/13(Tue)15:13:14 No.499550295 Replies: >>499550661 >>499551303 >>499551374 >>499551564 >>4995516 >>499553014 >>499553019 >>499553598 >>499554343 >>499554548 >>499554760 >>499555487 >>499555906 >>499557481 >>499557512 >>499557757 >>4 >Be 25 year old American >go to Germany, first time in Europe >plane lands, I applaud. >in german airport, take off shoes, pants, leave 3 oz sample of blood, semen in quart sized ziploc >"sir, you don't need to do that. Just walk through the metal detector" >"sorry, nicht spriche deutsch" >"sir, i am speaking english." >Go directly through metal detector, do not get irradiated, do not get groped by TSA.monopoly >Tip the security guard 5 Euro because that is the smallest paper money Spend the first day in Frankfurt. Frankfurt is a great city because there is nothing to do so literally anywhere else you go is great. >Walk to train station >lots of foreigners around, can't hear any english >walk with hand in back pocket to protect wallet >keep other hand in side pocket to protect phone. >Unable to operate ticket machine. Language options are Union Jack, Deutsch Flag, and France. >Get on train without ticket, >Gestapo officers in uniform comes up to me >"Morgen, karte bitte" >"I'm not Morgan." >"Apologies, Good Morning, ticket, please." >"Nicht spriche deutch" >"Sir, I speak english." >Can't understand his crazy nazimouth, tip him $30 Euro to leave me alone. >He tips me back for being a cool American. >Train arrives in Munich. Begin applauding. >Nobody claps, don't want to ruin my solid American applause. >tip every passenger for letting me solo. >Get rental car. >Too many pedals. >Walk to MacDonalds to get order Double Quarter Pounder. >F------ idiot gives me wrong meal, end up with Hamburger Royale Kasse >Only tip him 30% >use burger to weigh down extra pedal >car rolls backwards into river. >applaud the whole way in.
O Anonymous (ID: zri23dQ1) 08/13/13(Tue)15:13:14 No.499550295 Replies: >>499550661 >>499551303 >>499551374 >>499551564 >>4995516 >>499553014 >>499553019 >>499553598 >>499554343 >>499554548 >>499554760 >>499555487 >>499555906 >>499557481 >>499557512 >>499557757 >>4 >Be 25 year old American >go to Germany, first time in Europe >plane lands, I applaud. >in german airport, take off shoes, pants, leave 3 oz sample of blood, semen in quart sized ziploc >"sir, you don't need to do that. Just walk through the metal detector" >"sorry, nicht spriche deutsch" >"sir, i am speaking english." >Go directly through metal detector, do not get irradiated, do not get groped by TSA.monopoly >Tip the security guard 5 Euro because that is the smallest paper money Spend the first day in Frankfurt. Frankfurt is a great city because there is nothing to do so literally anywhere else you go is great. >Walk to train station >lots of foreigners around, can't hear any english >walk with hand in back pocket to protect wallet >keep other hand in side pocket to protect phone. >Unable to operate ticket machine. Language options are Union Jack, Deutsch Flag, and France. >Get on train without ticket, >Gestapo officers in uniform comes up to me >"Morgen, karte bitte" >"I'm not Morgan." >"Apologies, Good Morning, ticket, please." >"Nicht spriche deutch" >"Sir, I speak english." >Can't understand his crazy nazimouth, tip him $30 Euro to leave me alone. >He tips me back for being a cool American. >Train arrives in Munich. Begin applauding. >Nobody claps, don't want to ruin my solid American applause. >tip every passenger for letting me solo. >Get rental car. >Too many pedals. >Walk to MacDonalds to get order Double Quarter Pounder. >F------ idiot gives me wrong meal, end up with Hamburger Royale Kasse >Only tip him 30% >use burger to weigh down extra pedal >car rolls backwards into river. >applaud the whole way in.

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Conspiracy theory | /r/Greentext

File: ohfuck.png (15 KB, 112x112) O Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)18:13:13 No.64059917 [Reply] >>64059933 >Be me at gym >Working out near two girls >One whispers something in the other ear >They both giggle O Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)18:14:14 No.64059933 >>64059954 >>64059917 (OP)# what do you think they could have said about you? Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)18:15:05 No.64059943 they said 'he cute'
File: ohfuck.png (15 KB, 112x112) O Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)18:13:13 No.64059917 [Reply] >>64059933 >Be me at gym >Working out near two girls >One whispers something in the other ear >They both giggle O Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)18:14:14 No.64059933 >>64059954 >>64059917 (OP)# what do you think they could have said about you? Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)18:15:05 No.64059943 they said 'he cute'

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Anon is dealt a bad hand in life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)07:13:14 No.64067954 >minor piss fetish >minor sweat fetish >fart fetish >femdom fetish >foot fetish 46 KB PNG >giantess fetish what do i do
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)07:13:14 No.64067954 >minor piss fetish >minor sweat fetish >fart fetish >femdom fetish >foot fetish 46 KB PNG >giantess fetish what do i do

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