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Anon has the tism | /r/Greentext


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Pretty Bri'ish innit bruv? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:36:55 No.856448269 Why do British houses look like this? 311 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:59:07 No.856449422 >>856448269 (OP) # >> A roof made out of old, dried tea leaves. >> Walls coloured like their teeth. >> Two chimneys to for different tea time, tippin' their hat to when the common wealth counted all the time zones. >> Windows tactically placed in case the huns come back. >> Television set functions as war radio to signal central command. >> Always an attic if Special Air Services need shelter. Seems like a proper house to me, Anon.
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:36:55 No.856448269 Why do British houses look like this? 311 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:59:07 No.856449422 >>856448269 (OP) # >> A roof made out of old, dried tea leaves. >> Walls coloured like their teeth. >> Two chimneys to for different tea time, tippin' their hat to when the common wealth counted all the time zones. >> Windows tactically placed in case the huns come back. >> Television set functions as war radio to signal central command. >> Always an attic if Special Air Services need shelter. Seems like a proper house to me, Anon.

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Anon is Sir Isaac Newton | /r/Greentext


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Anon might've actually done it | /r/Greentext


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Anon suggests a scenario | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 55 minutes ago iQuit.webm (2 MB, 1080x608) 856603053 Scenario: You have 1 month to live. What do you do? >30k in bank >no job >no girlfriend / family >apartment Time starts today. 10 REPLIES
Anonymous 55 minutes ago iQuit.webm (2 MB, 1080x608) 856603053 Scenario: You have 1 month to live. What do you do? >30k in bank >no job >no girlfriend / family >apartment Time starts today. 10 REPLIES

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Anon fucks up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)21:36:03 No.856628396 >Know girl since middle school >never really dated anyone but l've found her attractive even after we graduate >always wanted to ask her out but know we'd never make it >get high one day >"f--- it I should call her" 25 KB JPG >tell her I want to go out with her so badly and confess about how I got boners when she would hug me >calls me a weirdo and tells me she's lesbian >call her again a couple days later >call doesn't go through >she f------ blocked me I f------ give up
: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)21:36:03 No.856628396 >Know girl since middle school >never really dated anyone but l've found her attractive even after we graduate >always wanted to ask her out but know we'd never make it >get high one day >"f--- it I should call her" 25 KB JPG >tell her I want to go out with her so badly and confess about how I got boners when she would hug me >calls me a weirdo and tells me she's lesbian >call her again a couple days later >call doesn't go through >she f------ blocked me I f------ give up

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Baconpilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)00:33:22 No.63265253 > be ceo of bacon megacorporation > want to improve profits > sell "thin-sliced" bacon as cheap alternative to normal bacon > do this for years > start marketing the thin-sliced 50 KB PNG bacon as normal > regular bacon is "thick-cut" > do this for years > other bacon megacorps adopt your strategy > general public accepts thin-sliced bacon as new normal > raise prices > thin-sliced bacon is the price of old normal bacon > old normal bacon is now thick-cut bacon at higher price > profit
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)00:33:22 No.63265253 > be ceo of bacon megacorporation > want to improve profits > sell "thin-sliced" bacon as cheap alternative to normal bacon > do this for years > start marketing the thin-sliced 50 KB PNG bacon as normal > regular bacon is "thick-cut" > do this for years > other bacon megacorps adopt your strategy > general public accepts thin-sliced bacon as new normal > raise prices > thin-sliced bacon is the price of old normal bacon > old normal bacon is now thick-cut bacon at higher price > profit

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Anons new laptop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)08:15:28 No.776023984 >be me >had the same computer for 4 yrs now, finally starting to give out >decided to finally get a new one, mine was on its last legs 301 KB JPG >go to normie electronics store, bestbuy and not frys because poorishfag >see touch screen laptop >this will make captchas so f------ easy.jpg >buy said laptop >go home, happily touchscreen my captchas >mfw my main motivator to buy a new computer was 4chan captchas : Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)08:16:42 No.776024073 >>776023984 (OP) # Your d------ Pepe isn't even touching the screen
: Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)08:15:28 No.776023984 >be me >had the same computer for 4 yrs now, finally starting to give out >decided to finally get a new one, mine was on its last legs 301 KB JPG >go to normie electronics store, bestbuy and not frys because poorishfag >see touch screen laptop >this will make captchas so f------ easy.jpg >buy said laptop >go home, happily touchscreen my captchas >mfw my main motivator to buy a new computer was 4chan captchas : Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)08:16:42 No.776024073 >>776023984 (OP) # Your d------ Pepe isn't even touching the screen

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Anon got fired from CNN | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)06:40:05 No.856578828 >be me >jeffrey toobin >cnn's chief legal analyst >last year cnn fired me because i got caught beating my meat on a zoom call >i thought my camera was off >now, they have graciously allowed me back onto their network 53 KB JPG >"good evening, america. i'm anderson cooper. please join me in welcoming cnn's chief masturbator, jeffrey toobin." >"haha, very funny, anderson. actually i'm cnn's chief legal analyst." >"don't f------ laugh, jeffrey, there is nothing f------ funny about what you just laughed at. let me be very f------ clear. i will post some anime. and you, as cnn's chief masturbator, will masturbate to it. and if you can't c--, you are DONE. you are f------ DONE. you will never work in this town again." >anderson uploads pic related >i start beating my meat >anderson blows the whistle >"TIME'S UP, F-----! YOU LOSE!" >i lost, but i will never forget all the happy memories i had working with cnn
Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)06:40:05 No.856578828 >be me >jeffrey toobin >cnn's chief legal analyst >last year cnn fired me because i got caught beating my meat on a zoom call >i thought my camera was off >now, they have graciously allowed me back onto their network 53 KB JPG >"good evening, america. i'm anderson cooper. please join me in welcoming cnn's chief masturbator, jeffrey toobin." >"haha, very funny, anderson. actually i'm cnn's chief legal analyst." >"don't f------ laugh, jeffrey, there is nothing f------ funny about what you just laughed at. let me be very f------ clear. i will post some anime. and you, as cnn's chief masturbator, will masturbate to it. and if you can't c--, you are DONE. you are f------ DONE. you will never work in this town again." >anderson uploads pic related >i start beating my meat >anderson blows the whistle >"TIME'S UP, F-----! YOU LOSE!" >i lost, but i will never forget all the happy memories i had working with cnn

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Anon doesn't like trees | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:21:47 No.856598492 >drops s----- branches that will f--- up your mower if you don't break your back picking them up >provides home for birds and gay tree mice >can't f------ climb them because they're too wide and the branches are too tall >release so much pollen that they turn 116 KB JPG your house green with their mountain dew j--- >can't even enjoy fall because you're too busy cleaning up after them >acorns can and will shatter your windshield F--- oak trees I hate these goddamn w----- so much 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:24:40 No.856598657 >>856598492 (OP) # Get some help before it's too late bud >>856598817 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:27:40 No.856598817 >>856598657 # >bud F--- YOUR PLANT PUNS YOU GODDAMN OAK P------------ II
: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:21:47 No.856598492 >drops s----- branches that will f--- up your mower if you don't break your back picking them up >provides home for birds and gay tree mice >can't f------ climb them because they're too wide and the branches are too tall >release so much pollen that they turn 116 KB JPG your house green with their mountain dew j--- >can't even enjoy fall because you're too busy cleaning up after them >acorns can and will shatter your windshield F--- oak trees I hate these goddamn w----- so much 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:24:40 No.856598657 >>856598492 (OP) # Get some help before it's too late bud >>856598817 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:27:40 No.856598817 >>856598657 # >bud F--- YOUR PLANT PUNS YOU GODDAMN OAK P------------ II

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Anon is a horny 14 year old teenager | /r/Greentext

Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov >I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before I'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.
Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov >I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before I'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.

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Just ask her anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:56:15 No.856449290 >know this girl >she has a cute cat >i cant pet the cat >how do i convince her to let me pet the cat? 101 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:56:15 No.856449290 >know this girl >she has a cute cat >i cant pet the cat >how do i convince her to let me pet the cat? 101 KB JPG

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Anon is based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:58:59 No.63390539 423.png 398 KB PNG >Saw a fat child in public >Muttered child abuse under my breath loud enough for the mother to hear it. >Walk away like nothing happened.
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:58:59 No.63390539 423.png 398 KB PNG >Saw a fat child in public >Muttered child abuse under my breath loud enough for the mother to hear it. >Walk away like nothing happened.

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Anon falls in love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:09:39 No.856601074 O may not show it >be me 100 >meet girl at youth club >we play together >pretty good >go home >next day >do the same thing but i am slowly gotting better. life is starting to have meaning again I am genuinely Progressing 458 KB JPG >we played together for about 3 months at the youth club >confess to her that i love her >she says yes >go on dates often mfw i get a mutual romantic relationship with another human
: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:09:39 No.856601074 O may not show it >be me 100 >meet girl at youth club >we play together >pretty good >go home >next day >do the same thing but i am slowly gotting better. life is starting to have meaning again I am genuinely Progressing 458 KB JPG >we played together for about 3 months at the youth club >confess to her that i love her >she says yes >go on dates often mfw i get a mutual romantic relationship with another human

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Anon is a dreamer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:24:01 No.856598614 >enter my very first relationship >she's perfect >we're both very in love >we're still young and I tell her that in the future I want to marry her >she says same 51 KB PNG /b/ I'm growing up :)))) 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:28:29 No.856598855 >>856598614 (OP) # Thats a nice dream you had anon, how did it end? >>856598919 #
: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:24:01 No.856598614 >enter my very first relationship >she's perfect >we're both very in love >we're still young and I tell her that in the future I want to marry her >she says same 51 KB PNG /b/ I'm growing up :)))) 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)13:28:29 No.856598855 >>856598614 (OP) # Thats a nice dream you had anon, how did it end? >>856598919 #

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Anon has a close family | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home Weird Ex's thread? >Be me, young chad with Chinese gf >She does ballet and gymnastics, hot asf >We hit things off for a good bit and grow a little distant at a point > She sends me a pic of her and her cousin making out LORIC 15 KB JPG >Alabama.w-- >Ask about it she says it's Chinese custom to kiss relatives >I decided not to question it cause I mean they eat Dolphins >Hit rough patch and break up >Find out months later her and her cousin were f------ >Mfw I got cucked by i----- I live in West Virginia, how the tables turned... 21 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home Weird Ex's thread? >Be me, young chad with Chinese gf >She does ballet and gymnastics, hot asf >We hit things off for a good bit and grow a little distant at a point > She sends me a pic of her and her cousin making out LORIC 15 KB JPG >Alabama.w-- >Ask about it she says it's Chinese custom to kiss relatives >I decided not to question it cause I mean they eat Dolphins >Hit rough patch and break up >Find out months later her and her cousin were f------ >Mfw I got cucked by i----- I live in West Virginia, how the tables turned... 21 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon has an experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/19(Fri)22:21:18 No.466515790 >mexican joins the server >turns on his mic >hear his mother yelling >baby crying >vacuum cleaner WWWWRRRRRRIIINNNG 43 KB JPG >"CAAAAASSSSO000 CEEEERRRRRAAAAADOO00000" >police sirens >dog barking
: Anonymous 06/14/19(Fri)22:21:18 No.466515790 >mexican joins the server >turns on his mic >hear his mother yelling >baby crying >vacuum cleaner WWWWRRRRRRIIINNNG 43 KB JPG >"CAAAAASSSSO000 CEEEERRRRRAAAAADOO00000" >police sirens >dog barking

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Anon is questioning women | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 5 hours ago Screenshot_2021-04-22 main-qimg-fe7c4f8a38e8c851f336f5e42a017f2f-c (JPEG Image, 210 x 299 pixels).png (258.3 KB, 262x356) 12927047 Why do women act autistic? >be me >be 29yr old inkwel >be coworker with a 21 yr old girl >be afraid of coming off as creepy around her >today we eat lunch together >she notices onion rings on my dish >she starts discussing the importance of having hard orgasms what did she mean by this? 15 REPLIES
Anonymous 5 hours ago Screenshot_2021-04-22 main-qimg-fe7c4f8a38e8c851f336f5e42a017f2f-c (JPEG Image, 210 x 299 pixels).png (258.3 KB, 262x356) 12927047 Why do women act autistic? >be me >be 29yr old inkwel >be coworker with a 21 yr old girl >be afraid of coming off as creepy around her >today we eat lunch together >she notices onion rings on my dish >she starts discussing the importance of having hard orgasms what did she mean by this? 15 REPLIES

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Anon hits up a prostitute | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-l was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #
: Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-l was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #

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Anon doesn’t like classical music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)23:44:44 No.104159780 >be listening to classical >very quiet part >turn volume up to hear >suddenly gets F------ LOUD why did composers write like this? 8 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)23:44:44 No.104159780 >be listening to classical >very quiet part >turn volume up to hear >suddenly gets F------ LOUD why did composers write like this? 8 KB JPG

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