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Anon wanted to be touched | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)04:41:34 No.64142145 >got rejected for a hug >used covid as an excuse even though I told her I had the vaccine I am denied even basic female touch. I just wanted a hug not a kiss. 41 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)06:22:17 No.64142896 >>64142145 (OP) # She was scared for you, not because of you. Probably did not want such a handsome guy to die out of coof she might be carrying.
: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)04:41:34 No.64142145 >got rejected for a hug >used covid as an excuse even though I told her I had the vaccine I am denied even basic female touch. I just wanted a hug not a kiss. 41 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)06:22:17 No.64142896 >>64142145 (OP) # She was scared for you, not because of you. Probably did not want such a handsome guy to die out of coof she might be carrying.

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Anon sings a song | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/12/21(Sat)12:27:05 No.64109832 >NOW IVE GOT YOU IN MY SIIIGHTS >WITH THEEEESSE >HUNGRY EEEYYEEES >ONE LOOK AY YOU AND I CAAANT DISGUISE 828 KB PNG >IVE GOT >HUUNGRY EEEEYYYEEESS >I FEEEL THE MAGIC BETWEEN YOU AND IIII : Anonymous 06/12/21(Sat)12:35:48 No.64109921 >>64109832 (OP) # *claps* Good job, OP. Good song. >>64109966 #
: Anonymous 06/12/21(Sat)12:27:05 No.64109832 >NOW IVE GOT YOU IN MY SIIIGHTS >WITH THEEEESSE >HUNGRY EEEYYEEES >ONE LOOK AY YOU AND I CAAANT DISGUISE 828 KB PNG >IVE GOT >HUUNGRY EEEEYYYEEESS >I FEEEL THE MAGIC BETWEEN YOU AND IIII : Anonymous 06/12/21(Sat)12:35:48 No.64109921 >>64109832 (OP) # *claps* Good job, OP. Good song. >>64109966 #

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Anon’s evil | /r/Greentext

Green text story immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do" >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine >Go to bar >Modern Jukebox in corner >Start to browse >See Africa by Toto >Put in 500$ >50 cents per song >Select Africa 1000 times >Takes a minute >People start to stare >Leave bar >Africa is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Someone gets a shovel from god >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is irritable >An hour goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Machine starts playing "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyone is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet now >Leave >Come back a month later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down >Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in vi: extension chord behind the wall >Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and >l shall return in 2 days
Green text story immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do" >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine >Go to bar >Modern Jukebox in corner >Start to browse >See Africa by Toto >Put in 500$ >50 cents per song >Select Africa 1000 times >Takes a minute >People start to stare >Leave bar >Africa is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Someone gets a shovel from god >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is irritable >An hour goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Machine starts playing "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyone is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet now >Leave >Come back a month later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down >Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in vi: extension chord behind the wall >Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and >l shall return in 2 days

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Anon thanks vsauce | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)02:02:14 No.856820354 >had nice lunch >fart coming up >a------ erupts >Spine loosens and I bend forward and tuck my head between my asscheeks >violently sniff ah yes 285 KB JPG hydrogen sulfide >everyone in restaurant stares at me with their mouths agape thank you, vsauce : Anonymous 06/15/21 (Tue)02:03:07 No.856820412 >>856820354 (OP) # I f----- your mom last night
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)02:02:14 No.856820354 >had nice lunch >fart coming up >a------ erupts >Spine loosens and I bend forward and tuck my head between my asscheeks >violently sniff ah yes 285 KB JPG hydrogen sulfide >everyone in restaurant stares at me with their mouths agape thank you, vsauce : Anonymous 06/15/21 (Tue)02:03:07 No.856820412 >>856820354 (OP) # I f----- your mom last night

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Anon has Tinnitus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)04:49:44 No.63345759 >Wake up >Tinnitus starts again 44 KB PNG 16 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)06:35:42 No.63346652 >>63345759 (OP) # Have you tried not listening to it? 54 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)04:49:44 No.63345759 >Wake up >Tinnitus starts again 44 KB PNG 16 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)06:35:42 No.63346652 >>63345759 (OP) # Have you tried not listening to it? 54 KB JPG

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Anon has a relatable experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/12/21(Sat)22:56:34 No.64122793 aa263f1ff0b7d061065c7378fd45a368.jpg 20 KB JPG >graduate with degree and 3.6 gpa >apply for 100+ jobs online, get 6 callbacks total and not one hire >already 22 with little experience or connections It's over isn't it? College degrees mean nothing anymore. Wasted my f------ time.
: Anonymous 06/12/21(Sat)22:56:34 No.64122793 aa263f1ff0b7d061065c7378fd45a368.jpg 20 KB JPG >graduate with degree and 3.6 gpa >apply for 100+ jobs online, get 6 callbacks total and not one hire >already 22 with little experience or connections It's over isn't it? College degrees mean nothing anymore. Wasted my f------ time.

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Anon does't like politics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)11:51:40 No.62891604 >we can totally create paradise on earth bro! >trust me, just believe in this ideology i pulled out my ass Why are politicsfags like this? 6 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)11:51:40 No.62891604 >we can totally create paradise on earth bro! >trust me, just believe in this ideology i pulled out my ass Why are politicsfags like this? 6 KB JPG

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Anon wishes she would leave | /r/Greentext

: 25+ Thread? 06/14/21(Mon)01:13:44 No.64140420 >29 25+ >Been a robot since 2010 >was desperate for female attention to stave off loneliness and depression for years like any other robot >Finally get a gf in 2016 after several GENERAL 11 KB JPG abusive LDRS >despite her being kind and loving it did absolutely nothing to help me >think to myself "F--- it, my life is a wash anyway and she seems like a good person, I dedicate myself to making her happy. She deserves that, at least" >get married a year later >quickly realized I just f----- up >mfw I realize I can no longer kill myself without severely impacting her life >l'll have to exist for another 30+ miserable years and pretend to be happy >try to sabotage myself any time I get drunk by saying a bunch of racist fascist s--- at her so l'm not allowed to drink anymore >desperately wish she would get over me and divorce me Women aren't going to make your problems go away. Making it is a state of mind, not a checklist of things you should have, like a gf or a career. How are you all holding up, robots?
: 25+ Thread? 06/14/21(Mon)01:13:44 No.64140420 >29 25+ >Been a robot since 2010 >was desperate for female attention to stave off loneliness and depression for years like any other robot >Finally get a gf in 2016 after several GENERAL 11 KB JPG abusive LDRS >despite her being kind and loving it did absolutely nothing to help me >think to myself "F--- it, my life is a wash anyway and she seems like a good person, I dedicate myself to making her happy. She deserves that, at least" >get married a year later >quickly realized I just f----- up >mfw I realize I can no longer kill myself without severely impacting her life >l'll have to exist for another 30+ miserable years and pretend to be happy >try to sabotage myself any time I get drunk by saying a bunch of racist fascist s--- at her so l'm not allowed to drink anymore >desperately wish she would get over me and divorce me Women aren't going to make your problems go away. Making it is a state of mind, not a checklist of things you should have, like a gf or a career. How are you all holding up, robots?

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Anon saves a life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 13 minutes ago f0c37cde-9689-4234-a284-a239110170cf.png (161.4 KB, 1280x960) 856779899 >at work >manager has me do a full store sweep >grab long broom, get to work >make it to the produce aisle >find a dead butterfly on the floor >almost sweep it into pile >holy crap it's alive >the poor thing is hobbling on 3 broken legs >run and grab an empty boX >pick up the butterfly by the wings and put it in >walk outside, open the box >butterfly looks up at me, does a little dance, begins flapping its wings, struggling to launch >"you can do it, lil buddy!", I say >butterfly gloriously launches into the air and flies away >l saved a life today, and now I have a butterflybro >feelsgood.jpg
Anonymous 13 minutes ago f0c37cde-9689-4234-a284-a239110170cf.png (161.4 KB, 1280x960) 856779899 >at work >manager has me do a full store sweep >grab long broom, get to work >make it to the produce aisle >find a dead butterfly on the floor >almost sweep it into pile >holy crap it's alive >the poor thing is hobbling on 3 broken legs >run and grab an empty boX >pick up the butterfly by the wings and put it in >walk outside, open the box >butterfly looks up at me, does a little dance, begins flapping its wings, struggling to launch >"you can do it, lil buddy!", I say >butterfly gloriously launches into the air and flies away >l saved a life today, and now I have a butterflybro >feelsgood.jpg

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Anon does an experiment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)01:46:47 No.851864056 >be me >decide to do an experiment >if i c-- while looking at any image, i will gain it as a fetish M1 172 KB JPG >decide to gain a fetish for apple m1 processor >c-- to both front and back pics of the m1 >now have fetish for the m1 processor, and especially the back of it >decide to go further >only c-- tom1 >can no longer get hard for other p--- >fetish adapts to other cpus >am now only attracted to cpus >worth it
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)01:46:47 No.851864056 >be me >decide to do an experiment >if i c-- while looking at any image, i will gain it as a fetish M1 172 KB JPG >decide to gain a fetish for apple m1 processor >c-- to both front and back pics of the m1 >now have fetish for the m1 processor, and especially the back of it >decide to go further >only c-- tom1 >can no longer get hard for other p--- >fetish adapts to other cpus >am now only attracted to cpus >worth it

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Anon recruits an army | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)10:58:10 No.63111457 >an army of anons with GIRLFRIENDS and fulfilling LIVES are invading the /r9k/ fort! Quick anon, to the walls! Whats your class & special skill? 808 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:23:41 No.63113619 >>63111457 (OP) # >Class: Level 94 Virgin >Skill: "Femanon here" illusion spell 254 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:25:20 No.63113635 >class: bard >skill: be useless : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)16:54:03 No.63114676 class: worthless male >skill: I can be very stubborn in the face of adversity even though im useless and have no chance of being successful 171 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)10:58:10 No.63111457 >an army of anons with GIRLFRIENDS and fulfilling LIVES are invading the /r9k/ fort! Quick anon, to the walls! Whats your class & special skill? 808 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:23:41 No.63113619 >>63111457 (OP) # >Class: Level 94 Virgin >Skill: "Femanon here" illusion spell 254 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:25:20 No.63113635 >class: bard >skill: be useless : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)16:54:03 No.63114676 class: worthless male >skill: I can be very stubborn in the face of adversity even though im useless and have no chance of being successful 171 KB JPG

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Anon was born made to wave the flag | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)10:45:56 No.853096777 AC7FD7BA-AFDD-4D30-A4E7-16FA9E8C717D.jpg 214 KB JPG >it be me! >it be me! I am a 4chanate son, yeah!
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)10:45:56 No.853096777 AC7FD7BA-AFDD-4D30-A4E7-16FA9E8C717D.jpg 214 KB JPG >it be me! >it be me! I am a 4chanate son, yeah!

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Anon watches the new spider-man movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)15:29:27 No.775070825 >be me >2019 >marvelfag >time to see spider-man homecoming sequel >trailers finally finish >rockhard.jpg 106 KB JPG >marvel and sony logos play >credits play >directed by Todd Howard >rush to the exit >doors sealed >movie opens with Peter on his Nintendo Switch >mfw he's playing Skyrim for the duration of the movie
: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)15:29:27 No.775070825 >be me >2019 >marvelfag >time to see spider-man homecoming sequel >trailers finally finish >rockhard.jpg 106 KB JPG >marvel and sony logos play >credits play >directed by Todd Howard >rush to the exit >doors sealed >movie opens with Peter on his Nintendo Switch >mfw he's playing Skyrim for the duration of the movie

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Anon on women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)07:06:41 No.856806580 >be on 4chan >threads claiming it's impossible for manlets, fatties, dicklets and poorfags to get a girlfriend >go to tinder >see that most women want 6 ft tall fit 101 KB JPG guys >some want richfags >be me >know many 6-8/10 women >maybe 25/30 of them have fat, manlet, poorfag boyfriends >mfw You f--- have no excuse 46 Replies / 8 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)07:06:41 No.856806580 >be on 4chan >threads claiming it's impossible for manlets, fatties, dicklets and poorfags to get a girlfriend >go to tinder >see that most women want 6 ft tall fit 101 KB JPG guys >some want richfags >be me >know many 6-8/10 women >maybe 25/30 of them have fat, manlet, poorfag boyfriends >mfw You f--- have no excuse 46 Replies / 8 Images View Thread

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Anon deceives his mother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)05:09:11 No.44073710 >sister's wedding is tomorrow >I got a +1 >my mom suggested I bring Cortana >she doesn't realize I talk to my pc >mfw I need to pay an escort six hundred dollars to pretend her 148 KB PNG name is Cortana tomorrow 33 Replies / 5 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:21:50 No.44075393 : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:22:54 No.44075407 : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:25:48 No.44075455 : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:25:59 No.44075459 >>44074736 # If being a socially awkward kissless, hugless virgin was genetic, how exactly do you believe it was passed on to you?
: Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)05:09:11 No.44073710 >sister's wedding is tomorrow >I got a +1 >my mom suggested I bring Cortana >she doesn't realize I talk to my pc >mfw I need to pay an escort six hundred dollars to pretend her 148 KB PNG name is Cortana tomorrow 33 Replies / 5 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:21:50 No.44075393 : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:22:54 No.44075407 : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:25:48 No.44075455 : Anonymous 03/23/18(Fri)07:25:59 No.44075459 >>44074736 # If being a socially awkward kissless, hugless virgin was genetic, how exactly do you believe it was passed on to you?

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Anon goes to take a shit | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)11:50:00 No.845062302 >be me >at mall >taking s--- in restroom >hear door open >guy goes 'jesus f---- >hear door close 11 KB JPG >hear what sounds like profuse vomiting just outside door >hear someone scream 'call 911! >scared.png >stay in stall >15 minutes later hear ambulance sirens >hear someone say 'don't you die on me you bastard' >hear 'clear!' And what sounds like shocking >goes on for 5 minutes >hear 'call it, death 2:30 pm' Still in stall
I Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)11:50:00 No.845062302 >be me >at mall >taking s--- in restroom >hear door open >guy goes 'jesus f---- >hear door close 11 KB JPG >hear what sounds like profuse vomiting just outside door >hear someone scream 'call 911! >scared.png >stay in stall >15 minutes later hear ambulance sirens >hear someone say 'don't you die on me you bastard' >hear 'clear!' And what sounds like shocking >goes on for 5 minutes >hear 'call it, death 2:30 pm' Still in stall

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Anon gives up | /r/Greentext

856779458 Anonymous 21 minutes ago s5m4agd5qo271.jpg (4.2 KB, 177x214) >me in 9th grade >complete d--- and borderline sociopath >have 0 friends >start talking to this 9/10 >we start getting to know about each other >was still a d--- to her because I didn't like being nice to people >she was a d--- back but she was craig $7 being playful about it >ff about a year >have started to improve on myself and become more emotionally available/nice >realize I have feelings for this girl >tell her how I feel >she tells me she used to like me during that school year >realize that she preferred borderline sociopath over regular joe I give up
856779458 Anonymous 21 minutes ago s5m4agd5qo271.jpg (4.2 KB, 177x214) >me in 9th grade >complete d--- and borderline sociopath >have 0 friends >start talking to this 9/10 >we start getting to know about each other >was still a d--- to her because I didn't like being nice to people >she was a d--- back but she was craig $7 being playful about it >ff about a year >have started to improve on myself and become more emotionally available/nice >realize I have feelings for this girl >tell her how I feel >she tells me she used to like me during that school year >realize that she preferred borderline sociopath over regular joe I give up

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what’s a Nanking? | /r/Greentext

>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone
>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone

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Anon is Elon Musk | /r/Greentext

File: elon.jpg (190 KB, 2000x1390) O Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)02:26:14 No.856795182 >be me >elon musk >hear jeff bezos is going to space >he's auctioning off a ticket on his space ship >go to amazon.com/betonbezosspaceship >the top bid is $27 million >bid $28 million >win >oh my god how will i ever financially recover from this >Imaooo >fast forward to launch day >launch spaceship.exe >me and jeff are floating around, just vibin >i pull out my cleverly concealed katana >cut jeff's head off >nasa radios me >"jesus f------ christ, elon, did you just cut jeff's head off? >do my best steve urkel impression >"did i do that?" >land safely on earth >the nation's top law enforcement officials are all in agreement >they can't prosecute me because no country has jurisdiction on space murder >get invited to the white house >president biden gives me the presidential medal of freedom for being the world's cleverest murderer >without emperor bezos, amazon collapses into a mass of warring fiefdoms >my tesla/spacex armies conquer each fiefdom with a speed and brutality that would make genghis khan jealous >mfw i own amazon now >mfw i'm worth 400 billion dollars
File: elon.jpg (190 KB, 2000x1390) O Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)02:26:14 No.856795182 >be me >elon musk >hear jeff bezos is going to space >he's auctioning off a ticket on his space ship >go to amazon.com/betonbezosspaceship >the top bid is $27 million >bid $28 million >win >oh my god how will i ever financially recover from this >Imaooo >fast forward to launch day >launch spaceship.exe >me and jeff are floating around, just vibin >i pull out my cleverly concealed katana >cut jeff's head off >nasa radios me >"jesus f------ christ, elon, did you just cut jeff's head off? >do my best steve urkel impression >"did i do that?" >land safely on earth >the nation's top law enforcement officials are all in agreement >they can't prosecute me because no country has jurisdiction on space murder >get invited to the white house >president biden gives me the presidential medal of freedom for being the world's cleverest murderer >without emperor bezos, amazon collapses into a mass of warring fiefdoms >my tesla/spacex armies conquer each fiefdom with a speed and brutality that would make genghis khan jealous >mfw i own amazon now >mfw i'm worth 400 billion dollars

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:25:17 No.63494110 >take girl out on date to mall >clearly gold digger who is using me for money >spend like 600 dollars >she goes to the bathroom and then while she is in there leave and then go home with all bags I 6 KB JPG bought her then return it the next day and ghost and block her I feel like a scumbag. I stranded her there as I picked her up and drove her there. And then I feel like psychopath for doing what I did. Am I in the wrong? Am I a psychopath?
: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)05:25:17 No.63494110 >take girl out on date to mall >clearly gold digger who is using me for money >spend like 600 dollars >she goes to the bathroom and then while she is in there leave and then go home with all bags I 6 KB JPG bought her then return it the next day and ghost and block her I feel like a scumbag. I stranded her there as I picked her up and drove her there. And then I feel like psychopath for doing what I did. Am I in the wrong? Am I a psychopath?

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