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Anon learns English | /r/Greentext

10h (6/16 7:36) · 146858559 PNG 313KB · (700 × 902) >>146858517 (OP) >I got my TOEFL certificate by listening to australians and americans yell racial slurs in the voice chat
10h (6/16 7:36) · 146858559 PNG 313KB · (700 × 902) >>146858517 (OP) >I got my TOEFL certificate by listening to australians and americans yell racial slurs in the voice chat

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Anon doesn't commit suicide | /r/Greentext

File: 1600493283933.png (370 KB, 1533×961) Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)21:20:35 No.64182978 (Reply) >>64182987 >be me >suicidal >about to kill myself >call suicide hotline cause that's what it's made for >"You have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, also servicing the Veterans service line. If you are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or are concerned about someone who might be, we're here to help. Please remain on the line while we route your call to the nearest crisis center in our network." >waiting.gif >call is routed to a call center >hold music starts playing >waiting.gif >"Hi my name is >"My life f------ sucks. I'm about to kill myself." >"Dam anon, that sounds tough." ,how can I help you today?" >"Yeah it is." What the f--- is the point of suicide hotlines again? Are they just a meme? Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)21:21:44 No.64182987 >>64182978 (OP) Well apparently you didn't kill yourself because it was so stupid so it worked.
File: 1600493283933.png (370 KB, 1533×961) Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)21:20:35 No.64182978 (Reply) >>64182987 >be me >suicidal >about to kill myself >call suicide hotline cause that's what it's made for >"You have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, also servicing the Veterans service line. If you are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or are concerned about someone who might be, we're here to help. Please remain on the line while we route your call to the nearest crisis center in our network." >waiting.gif >call is routed to a call center >hold music starts playing >waiting.gif >"Hi my name is >"My life f------ sucks. I'm about to kill myself." >"Dam anon, that sounds tough." ,how can I help you today?" >"Yeah it is." What the f--- is the point of suicide hotlines again? Are they just a meme? Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)21:21:44 No.64182987 >>64182978 (OP) Well apparently you didn't kill yourself because it was so stupid so it worked.

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Anon is honest | /r/Greentext

authorities-release-jerrod-murray-murder-confession- video.1455770728000.jpg 36 KB JPG >So, this "E3" is a video game event? >Yes, sir. >And you find it fun to "get hyped" for E3? >Yes, sir. >But every year, without fail, you complain about what is shown at E3, and declare video games to be dead? >Yes, sir. >But you still watch E3 and get excited for it every year anyway? >Yes, sir. >Why? >...
authorities-release-jerrod-murray-murder-confession- video.1455770728000.jpg 36 KB JPG >So, this "E3" is a video game event? >Yes, sir. >And you find it fun to "get hyped" for E3? >Yes, sir. >But every year, without fail, you complain about what is shown at E3, and declare video games to be dead? >Yes, sir. >But you still watch E3 and get excited for it every year anyway? >Yes, sir. >Why? >...

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Anon is a grandma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)23:26:33 No.64183663 >talking to girl l like >tell her that every night 1 hour before bedtime I turn off my electronics and drink tea and read a book so I get a good night's sleep >now she calls me "grandma" it's over 259 KB PNG
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)23:26:33 No.64183663 >talking to girl l like >tell her that every night 1 hour before bedtime I turn off my electronics and drink tea and read a book so I get a good night's sleep >now she calls me "grandma" it's over 259 KB PNG

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Anon is Sicilian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)22:45:17 No.856936160 SICLY >be me >chad Sicilian who charms all the foreigners with the true Italian charm of having a White brain but athletic big black body >serve a 4 course meal of heavenly IS NOT SOBAD! 34 KB JPG entrees >German w---- asks me what happens when she mixes antipasti and pasta >make her swear not too >she does it anyway and blows up Oh well
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)22:45:17 No.856936160 SICLY >be me >chad Sicilian who charms all the foreigners with the true Italian charm of having a White brain but athletic big black body >serve a 4 course meal of heavenly IS NOT SOBAD! 34 KB JPG entrees >German w---- asks me what happens when she mixes antipasti and pasta >make her swear not too >she does it anyway and blows up Oh well

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Anon had a crazy school year | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)23:17:21 No.123821274 >be me >parents were killed by a serial killer when I was 16 months old >attend private school >second year >autistic teacher comes up with the genius 148 KB JPG idea to have a class where we learn how to defend ourselves >get paired up with bratty f----- guy who always picks on my friends because his parents are sociopaths who spoiled him >n---- summons a dwarf >everyone s---- their pants >dwarf about to r--- one of my classmates Justin >tell the little f----- to leave him alone >wtfitunderstandsme.png >depressed teacher steps on the dwarf killing it >everyone thinks I told the dwarf to r--- Justin so no friends by next week >start hearing dwarf voices from the wall >"r--- r--- r--- them, r--- them yes" >whattheactualfuck.jpg >find a ghost who was r---- so hard he died...again >chat with giant spider in the backyard who tells me a rare giant dwarf lives under the school >leave after his children get hit by a drunk driver >descend into sewer system >find giant dwarf >it's about to r--- me >headmaster's big red pigeon saves me then I pull out my UNO reverse card and facefuck the giant dwarf to death >emerge >hero of the school >have friends again what a year, I wonder what the remaining five years in this school will be like
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)23:17:21 No.123821274 >be me >parents were killed by a serial killer when I was 16 months old >attend private school >second year >autistic teacher comes up with the genius 148 KB JPG idea to have a class where we learn how to defend ourselves >get paired up with bratty f----- guy who always picks on my friends because his parents are sociopaths who spoiled him >n---- summons a dwarf >everyone s---- their pants >dwarf about to r--- one of my classmates Justin >tell the little f----- to leave him alone >wtfitunderstandsme.png >depressed teacher steps on the dwarf killing it >everyone thinks I told the dwarf to r--- Justin so no friends by next week >start hearing dwarf voices from the wall >"r--- r--- r--- them, r--- them yes" >whattheactualfuck.jpg >find a ghost who was r---- so hard he died...again >chat with giant spider in the backyard who tells me a rare giant dwarf lives under the school >leave after his children get hit by a drunk driver >descend into sewer system >find giant dwarf >it's about to r--- me >headmaster's big red pigeon saves me then I pull out my UNO reverse card and facefuck the giant dwarf to death >emerge >hero of the school >have friends again what a year, I wonder what the remaining five years in this school will be like

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Anon thinks about an old friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:07:59 No.857005519 >be me >like 11, 6th grade >friend on Xbox live from another part of the world, he has a bit of an accent but I play with him regularly for one summer >he tells me he's been soda pressed 60 KB JPG >not sure what it is >tells me multiple times his whole life is soda pressing, he's suffering from da pressure of it all >i ask him why he's so into making homemade soda >he chuckles kinda sadly and tells me it was always fun playing with me >notice after a few weeks he hadn't been online >kinda forget about it >10 years later I think about it and realize he was saying so depressed >he was suffering from depression >last online 11 years ago >he probly killed himself >homemade soda
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:07:59 No.857005519 >be me >like 11, 6th grade >friend on Xbox live from another part of the world, he has a bit of an accent but I play with him regularly for one summer >he tells me he's been soda pressed 60 KB JPG >not sure what it is >tells me multiple times his whole life is soda pressing, he's suffering from da pressure of it all >i ask him why he's so into making homemade soda >he chuckles kinda sadly and tells me it was always fun playing with me >notice after a few weeks he hadn't been online >kinda forget about it >10 years later I think about it and realize he was saying so depressed >he was suffering from depression >last online 11 years ago >he probly killed himself >homemade soda

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Anon is American | /r/Greentext

At least 17 dead in US school shooting US & CANADA 1518715783500.jpg 583 KB JPG >be american >17 people die >American students do a celebratory conga
At least 17 dead in US school shooting US & CANADA 1518715783500.jpg 583 KB JPG >be american >17 people die >American students do a celebratory conga

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Anon joins BLM | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:45:02 No.857007637 >Go to BLM "protest" >Just a bunch of kids college giving testimonials, speeches >Average age probably around 20 >Says I should share my story >I'm white AF, live in a good (white) neighborhood >Worked hard to get where I am now 31 KB JPG >Make some more s--- up. >Say I lost a friend of mine a few years ago due to police >Wasn't allowed to be friends with a black kid growing up >Lie out my ass some more, don't remember details >Make up s--- about oppression and how the government is in on it >Everyone believes me >Still riding the adrenaline high >Cute chick comes over >Congratulates me on being so brave >Set up a date for Friday night H--------, I should have gone to more of these "protests". Black chicks eat this s--- it up. Work for anyone else? View Thread
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:45:02 No.857007637 >Go to BLM "protest" >Just a bunch of kids college giving testimonials, speeches >Average age probably around 20 >Says I should share my story >I'm white AF, live in a good (white) neighborhood >Worked hard to get where I am now 31 KB JPG >Make some more s--- up. >Say I lost a friend of mine a few years ago due to police >Wasn't allowed to be friends with a black kid growing up >Lie out my ass some more, don't remember details >Make up s--- about oppression and how the government is in on it >Everyone believes me >Still riding the adrenaline high >Cute chick comes over >Congratulates me on being so brave >Set up a date for Friday night H--------, I should have gone to more of these "protests". Black chicks eat this s--- it up. Work for anyone else? View Thread

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Anon screws us all | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)20:06:00 No.786421510 >be caveman >have little d--- >chads wife makes fun of me for it >says i have to cover it with little leaf >chad laughs >get mad one day >kill chadgar 53 кв JPG >take his wife >r--- her >she gets pregnant >eventually stockholms and realizes she needs me to survive >continue to fertilize her loins >fall in love >we have like 10 kids >really care about her >she gets sick one day >take her to shaman >shaman says we need bark, not sure why >get bark >he mixes it up and we drink it >says we will see the future and via the visions he can determine whats wrong with her >nothing happens for a while >start seeing something >ohshit.jpg >see my father and grandfather >they are holding a torch >i see their whole lives while they are holding it >passes it to me, I see my whole life from beginning to end >pass it to one of my kids >see their lives >all of a sudden a million torches light up in the night, all being passed >im overwhelmed >i start crying >wife dies >cry some more >eventually get sober, leave the shaman and walk back to my cave >see my 10 kids >i hold them all, trying to explain what happened >we all start crying >notice something >all my kids have little d---- too >ohshit.png >realize what I've done >mfw I accidentally gave millions of guys in the future my tiny d--- genes
! Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)20:06:00 No.786421510 >be caveman >have little d--- >chads wife makes fun of me for it >says i have to cover it with little leaf >chad laughs >get mad one day >kill chadgar 53 кв JPG >take his wife >r--- her >she gets pregnant >eventually stockholms and realizes she needs me to survive >continue to fertilize her loins >fall in love >we have like 10 kids >really care about her >she gets sick one day >take her to shaman >shaman says we need bark, not sure why >get bark >he mixes it up and we drink it >says we will see the future and via the visions he can determine whats wrong with her >nothing happens for a while >start seeing something >ohshit.jpg >see my father and grandfather >they are holding a torch >i see their whole lives while they are holding it >passes it to me, I see my whole life from beginning to end >pass it to one of my kids >see their lives >all of a sudden a million torches light up in the night, all being passed >im overwhelmed >i start crying >wife dies >cry some more >eventually get sober, leave the shaman and walk back to my cave >see my 10 kids >i hold them all, trying to explain what happened >we all start crying >notice something >all my kids have little d---- too >ohshit.png >realize what I've done >mfw I accidentally gave millions of guys in the future my tiny d--- genes

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God damnit Todd | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)15:36:50 No.62098930 >>62093068 (OP) # God I know that feel. >be me >best friend says I can't come to his wedding unless I shower and 58 KB JPG shave >Imao like I'm a fuckng conformist >I tell him to get stuffed and the look on his face is priceless >being alone is cool as f--- >didn't go to the wedding, didn't shave or shower >who's laughing now, Todd?
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)15:36:50 No.62098930 >>62093068 (OP) # God I know that feel. >be me >best friend says I can't come to his wedding unless I shower and 58 KB JPG shave >Imao like I'm a fuckng conformist >I tell him to get stuffed and the look on his face is priceless >being alone is cool as f--- >didn't go to the wedding, didn't shave or shower >who's laughing now, Todd?

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Anon is British | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)18:04:06 No.854835459 >be me >British >Finish my cauldron of tea and decide to have a cheeky wank >go into my room and enter my p--- registration number into pornbruv.uk >facial scan complete, login 26 KB JPG successfully >smashing.jpg >pull out my wanking permit just in case the coppers do a willy check >bloody hell it's 2 days expired >still have my shagging license though >decide to go find a fit bird to shag >head down to the pub and order a pint >start chatting up a bird there >she tells me to get bent >bit sloshed so I keep at it >she pulls out an unlicensed spoon and stabs me in the fanny >coppers come and take her away >turns out she had rubbed the serial number off of the spoon and there was no way Scotland Yard could use the weapon to track her down >fair enough, decide to walk back to my flat >hear "allahu akbar" and an explosion >die >pretty cheeky day overall
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)18:04:06 No.854835459 >be me >British >Finish my cauldron of tea and decide to have a cheeky wank >go into my room and enter my p--- registration number into pornbruv.uk >facial scan complete, login 26 KB JPG successfully >smashing.jpg >pull out my wanking permit just in case the coppers do a willy check >bloody hell it's 2 days expired >still have my shagging license though >decide to go find a fit bird to shag >head down to the pub and order a pint >start chatting up a bird there >she tells me to get bent >bit sloshed so I keep at it >she pulls out an unlicensed spoon and stabs me in the fanny >coppers come and take her away >turns out she had rubbed the serial number off of the spoon and there was no way Scotland Yard could use the weapon to track her down >fair enough, decide to walk back to my flat >hear "allahu akbar" and an explosion >die >pretty cheeky day overall

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Anon calls Reddit out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)03:46:14 No.56612918 >y'all >bruh >I f--- with this >have sex >l'm about to end this man's whole career 9 KB JPG >Am I a joke to you? >my GF >my SO >the wife >cool as f--- >hot as f--- >f--- that s--- >my dude >Ima >finna >Damn, bro >I love hip hop >NEETS need to get a job and contribute to society >incel >That's gonna be a yikes from me >Can we not? >This. So much this. >Who hurt you?
: Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)03:46:14 No.56612918 >y'all >bruh >I f--- with this >have sex >l'm about to end this man's whole career 9 KB JPG >Am I a joke to you? >my GF >my SO >the wife >cool as f--- >hot as f--- >f--- that s--- >my dude >Ima >finna >Damn, bro >I love hip hop >NEETS need to get a job and contribute to society >incel >That's gonna be a yikes from me >Can we not? >This. So much this. >Who hurt you?

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Anon goes on a diet | /r/Greentext

>be me >be about 70lbs over weight >gotta lose weight >room mate keeps trying to take me to the gym she goes to >trying to get me out and active >meet her f------ friends and s--- 127 KB PNG >f--- that gay s--- >be lactose intolerant >start dieting, my way >dont wanna eat less >dont wanna eat healthy >dont wanna exercise >still eat just actual trash, anything, everything >follow every meal with a full bottle of nestle chocolate milk >No matter how full I am must drink the milko >reliably dispense extra chunky chocolate milk into s------ within 30 minutes >feel bad for room mate who shares common wall with bathroom >has to listen to me absolutely f------ wreck the toilet 5- 6 times a day >been weeks now and she hasnt said anything >already lost 8lbs >feels good man
>be me >be about 70lbs over weight >gotta lose weight >room mate keeps trying to take me to the gym she goes to >trying to get me out and active >meet her f------ friends and s--- 127 KB PNG >f--- that gay s--- >be lactose intolerant >start dieting, my way >dont wanna eat less >dont wanna eat healthy >dont wanna exercise >still eat just actual trash, anything, everything >follow every meal with a full bottle of nestle chocolate milk >No matter how full I am must drink the milko >reliably dispense extra chunky chocolate milk into s------ within 30 minutes >feel bad for room mate who shares common wall with bathroom >has to listen to me absolutely f------ wreck the toilet 5- 6 times a day >been weeks now and she hasnt said anything >already lost 8lbs >feels good man

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Anon at work | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:18:33 No.62367669 >be grocery store cashier >9/10 qt checking out in my aisle >pays with sweaty loose cash straight from inside her bra >shakily take the dollar bills and look to see that she has enough >bring money up to my nose 240 KB PNG >SNIIIIIIIF >get fired soon after
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:18:33 No.62367669 >be grocery store cashier >9/10 qt checking out in my aisle >pays with sweaty loose cash straight from inside her bra >shakily take the dollar bills and look to see that she has enough >bring money up to my nose 240 KB PNG >SNIIIIIIIF >get fired soon after

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Anon likes the country | /r/Greentext

rance flag ipg (61 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous EE 07/12/17(Wed)18:19:47 No.771088 >most beautiful tanguage in the world >warm climate >beautiful countryside >historic and picturesque cities >attractive women >the richest artistic and architectural heritage in Europe >best food in Europe >best-dressed people in Europe That's right, it's time for an Italy thread. Pic unrelated
rance flag ipg (61 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous EE 07/12/17(Wed)18:19:47 No.771088 >most beautiful tanguage in the world >warm climate >beautiful countryside >historic and picturesque cities >attractive women >the richest artistic and architectural heritage in Europe >best food in Europe >best-dressed people in Europe That's right, it's time for an Italy thread. Pic unrelated

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Why do they do this? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)00:23:36 No.146675870 mexico glasses.jpg 57 KB JPG >yeah this movie is set in mexico how could you tell?
: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)00:23:36 No.146675870 mexico glasses.jpg 57 KB JPG >yeah this movie is set in mexico how could you tell?

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Anon runs a bar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)13:08:08 No.856972511 >Be me, 33 >Running my own bar >Need more workers for summer, announce available jobs >get hundreds of applications >Decides to have fun, i got time anyway >First round of interviews only get interviews of those who have pronounces DESPITE BEING JUST 3.5% OF THE POPULATION HOMOSEXUALS ACCOUNT FOR ALMOST HALF OF THE HIV 229 KB PNG in their bio >Lost almost 50 IQ from listening to these retards >Give them a chance to prove themselves by trying out for about an hour of work each, sometime 2 of them at the same time. >Each time it didn't take long before a drunk person said something slightly offensive (not even directed at the f---) >They become very upset, some on verge of crying, others angry. One even started loudly scolding one of the customers for the wrongthink. >Every one of them dropped in work performance after getting upset by what a drunk person had said >Denied them work with the reason they didnt have thick enough skin to work in such an environment >Be me, teaching f------ important life lessons on why thick skin is important in real life >Be me, managed to get about 50 hours of labor for free >Hired 2 competent straight white guys with actual bartender experience that takes no offense to anything being said 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)13:08:08 No.856972511 >Be me, 33 >Running my own bar >Need more workers for summer, announce available jobs >get hundreds of applications >Decides to have fun, i got time anyway >First round of interviews only get interviews of those who have pronounces DESPITE BEING JUST 3.5% OF THE POPULATION HOMOSEXUALS ACCOUNT FOR ALMOST HALF OF THE HIV 229 KB PNG in their bio >Lost almost 50 IQ from listening to these retards >Give them a chance to prove themselves by trying out for about an hour of work each, sometime 2 of them at the same time. >Each time it didn't take long before a drunk person said something slightly offensive (not even directed at the f---) >They become very upset, some on verge of crying, others angry. One even started loudly scolding one of the customers for the wrongthink. >Every one of them dropped in work performance after getting upset by what a drunk person had said >Denied them work with the reason they didnt have thick enough skin to work in such an environment >Be me, teaching f------ important life lessons on why thick skin is important in real life >Be me, managed to get about 50 hours of labor for free >Hired 2 competent straight white guys with actual bartender experience that takes no offense to anything being said 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon had a revelation | /r/Greentext

06/15/21(Tue)20:10:30 No.64167766 Anonymous | I had a revelation > be me > m26 > graduated in college > software engineer > be 1am > laying in my bed > sudden realization: imagine that you 121 KB JPG buy 10 tendies for 2 dollars > if you divide 10 for 2, you end up with how much tendies a dollar can buy > but if you divide 2 for 10, you end up with how much each tendie costs > how did I get that far in life?
06/15/21(Tue)20:10:30 No.64167766 Anonymous | I had a revelation > be me > m26 > graduated in college > software engineer > be 1am > laying in my bed > sudden realization: imagine that you 121 KB JPG buy 10 tendies for 2 dollars > if you divide 10 for 2, you end up with how much tendies a dollar can buy > but if you divide 2 for 10, you end up with how much each tendie costs > how did I get that far in life?

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