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Anon doesn't like dogs. | /r/Greentext

No.857419334 16 minutes ago deception.png PNG 49.2 KiB 617x450 >walking >angrydog.exe >oh no >run >dog is following me >hug tree >dog gets confused and goes away >unhug tree and run >dog appears again >hug another tree again >dog goes away again >wait >unhug tree again >no dog >go home That was a very weird day in the middle of Arkansas
No.857419334 16 minutes ago deception.png PNG 49.2 KiB 617x450 >walking >angrydog.exe >oh no >run >dog is following me >hug tree >dog gets confused and goes away >unhug tree and run >dog appears again >hug another tree again >dog goes away again >wait >unhug tree again >no dog >go home That was a very weird day in the middle of Arkansas

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Anon sends a photo to a girl | /r/Greentext

/. >first work day in steel industry >i send a girl a snap of me in my work clothes and with my helmet on, my face is full of dust >I write that i am extremely tired and exhausted >she posts the snap on insta where all her stupid friends who never did and most likely will never do any real work make fun of me >"haha im tired too" >"haha your trousers are too big, you should get new ones, they really dont fit you hahahaha" >why the f--- are girls like this? 14m (6/23 0:42) · 64266903 JPG · 4KB · (202 × 250) >>64266632 (OP) She's a dumb w----. Don't bother with her. 8m (6/23 0:48) · 64266965 If you're not lying (doubtful), that's very strange behaviour on her part. I'd cut all contact instantly if a girl did some weird s--- like that.
/. >first work day in steel industry >i send a girl a snap of me in my work clothes and with my helmet on, my face is full of dust >I write that i am extremely tired and exhausted >she posts the snap on insta where all her stupid friends who never did and most likely will never do any real work make fun of me >"haha im tired too" >"haha your trousers are too big, you should get new ones, they really dont fit you hahahaha" >why the f--- are girls like this? 14m (6/23 0:42) · 64266903 JPG · 4KB · (202 × 250) >>64266632 (OP) She's a dumb w----. Don't bother with her. 8m (6/23 0:48) · 64266965 If you're not lying (doubtful), that's very strange behaviour on her part. I'd cut all contact instantly if a girl did some weird s--- like that.

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Anon is french | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)09:59:40 No.857415324 history time >be fwansh >joie de vivre in 1838 >tootling down the street in Paris, looking for a baguette or a harlot >realize your boots are scuffed 19 KB JPG >notice a feces-covered urchin with a shoe-shining stand on a corner >ohlala.daguerrotype >toss the little bastard a franc, stick your boot on his bench, and tell him to go to town >become the first human being ever to be recorded in a photograph >pic related 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)10:01:17 No.857415390 >>857415324 (OP) # that picture looks like s---
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)09:59:40 No.857415324 history time >be fwansh >joie de vivre in 1838 >tootling down the street in Paris, looking for a baguette or a harlot >realize your boots are scuffed 19 KB JPG >notice a feces-covered urchin with a shoe-shining stand on a corner >ohlala.daguerrotype >toss the little bastard a franc, stick your boot on his bench, and tell him to go to town >become the first human being ever to be recorded in a photograph >pic related 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)10:01:17 No.857415390 >>857415324 (OP) # that picture looks like s---

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Anon has a little brother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)20:00:56 No.857439822 >little brother says he wants to rub my boobs >I let him >he gets a boner and says he wants to be a girl when he grow up what do I do? 35 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)20:07:06 No.857440203 >>857439822 (OP) # He's probably being molested by the same person that did it to you. Bible says the only way to stop sodomites is to kill them both, victim included Leviticus 20:13 : Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)20:09:10 No.857440320 Get a strap on and give him the ride of his life?
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)20:00:56 No.857439822 >little brother says he wants to rub my boobs >I let him >he gets a boner and says he wants to be a girl when he grow up what do I do? 35 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)20:07:06 No.857440203 >>857439822 (OP) # He's probably being molested by the same person that did it to you. Bible says the only way to stop sodomites is to kill them both, victim included Leviticus 20:13 : Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)20:09:10 No.857440320 Get a strap on and give him the ride of his life?

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Anon is desperate :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)21:05:51 No.857418430 >dad is yelling he will kill his boss >he's ~10 beers in >he will soon fall asleep and pretend nothing happened How do I save someone from alcoholism, /b/? I'm tired of seeing him dying and not being able to do anything. 40 KB JPG 12 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)21:05:51 No.857418430 >dad is yelling he will kill his boss >he's ~10 beers in >he will soon fall asleep and pretend nothing happened How do I save someone from alcoholism, /b/? I'm tired of seeing him dying and not being able to do anything. 40 KB JPG 12 Replies View Thread

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Anon helps with the homeless problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)21:57:42 No.857446821 >be me, 28 year old Texas f-- >live in Corpus Christi >love it here but city has a bad homeless problem >get sick of it and take matters into my own hands >last week find a hobo walking 272 KB JPG through grocery store parking lot in morning >strike up conversation and befriend him >offer to pay him $200 if he helps me move furniture out of my house in Austin >he agrees >I don't have house in Austin >we go to Austin, ~4 hour drive >he gets out to use bathroom in gas station in random n---- ghetto >I leave him and drive back to corpus Is relocating the homeless to s--- cities the answer we've been looking for? I think next weekend I'm gonna pick up 3 hobos and leave them in Dallas 11 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)21:57:42 No.857446821 >be me, 28 year old Texas f-- >live in Corpus Christi >love it here but city has a bad homeless problem >get sick of it and take matters into my own hands >last week find a hobo walking 272 KB JPG through grocery store parking lot in morning >strike up conversation and befriend him >offer to pay him $200 if he helps me move furniture out of my house in Austin >he agrees >I don't have house in Austin >we go to Austin, ~4 hour drive >he gets out to use bathroom in gas station in random n---- ghetto >I leave him and drive back to corpus Is relocating the homeless to s--- cities the answer we've been looking for? I think next weekend I'm gonna pick up 3 hobos and leave them in Dallas 11 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Cold comfort | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous (ID: 6JmEavWQ Scandinavia 06/20/21(Sun)12:11:28 No.326700990 We all know that Scandinavia is the world's greatest place to live, right? >attend college? Gets paid $1800 a month for attending >free healthcare (Yeah the taxes are high but you get so many advantages because of it) 39 KB JPG >are you a lowlife/criminal with no education or work? Get some welfare. $1050 a month for not lifting a finger. >get busted with 30 Terabytes of hardcore CP on your computer? No worries, 8 months jail time in the most luxurious prisons in the world. No need to register in a sex offender registry either because we don't have one. Literally no country can compete with Sweden/Denmark/Norway/Finland etc. Prove me wrong. >pro-tip you can't
! Anonymous (ID: 6JmEavWQ Scandinavia 06/20/21(Sun)12:11:28 No.326700990 We all know that Scandinavia is the world's greatest place to live, right? >attend college? Gets paid $1800 a month for attending >free healthcare (Yeah the taxes are high but you get so many advantages because of it) 39 KB JPG >are you a lowlife/criminal with no education or work? Get some welfare. $1050 a month for not lifting a finger. >get busted with 30 Terabytes of hardcore CP on your computer? No worries, 8 months jail time in the most luxurious prisons in the world. No need to register in a sex offender registry either because we don't have one. Literally no country can compete with Sweden/Denmark/Norway/Finland etc. Prove me wrong. >pro-tip you can't

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Anon likes trains | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)18:33:16 No.857434832 autism thread i'll start > be me > came across article that explains why autistic kids like trains typically >i liked trains as a kid 79 KB JPG > mfw i'm autistic
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)18:33:16 No.857434832 autism thread i'll start > be me > came across article that explains why autistic kids like trains typically >i liked trains as a kid 79 KB JPG > mfw i'm autistic

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Anon is into scat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)17:21:55 No.857430026 >Вe 14 >Meet girl online >Eventually meet up at the local ZOo >Have nice time >Eventually kiss in the Elephant 172 KB JPG House >Smells like Elephant S--- in there, don't care, happy >Fast Forward 20 Years >Associate the smell of s--- with romantic feelings How's your life going? View Thread
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)17:21:55 No.857430026 >Вe 14 >Meet girl online >Eventually meet up at the local ZOo >Have nice time >Eventually kiss in the Elephant 172 KB JPG House >Smells like Elephant S--- in there, don't care, happy >Fast Forward 20 Years >Associate the smell of s--- with romantic feelings How's your life going? View Thread

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Anon goes to gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)21:54:24 No.62209264 Kenmore Toast Crunch J O mn CHEEZIT T S o QUICK 3CEB356F-E730-43D7-9946-3772F47470ED.png 643 KB PNG >go to gym >30 minute intense cardio >go as heavy as possible on the chest press >sweat bullets >arms completely numb >out of breath >have high t moment >bring together all my courage >say "hi" to a woman in front of the gym >immediately go home
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)21:54:24 No.62209264 Kenmore Toast Crunch J O mn CHEEZIT T S o QUICK 3CEB356F-E730-43D7-9946-3772F47470ED.png 643 KB PNG >go to gym >30 minute intense cardio >go as heavy as possible on the chest press >sweat bullets >arms completely numb >out of breath >have high t moment >bring together all my courage >say "hi" to a woman in front of the gym >immediately go home

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Anon loses his balls. | /r/Greentext

No.9739620 4 hours ago EFC224EA-8B40-4C49-9899-42881473A0E0.jpg JPG 265.2 KİB 1284x1267 >be born >open your eyes for the first time and realize you were born a puppy >life's great >sucking on your moms t--- a family comes and says they're going to adopt you >weeks go by they take you home >life in your new home is great >few more weeks go by and you hear talk of "snipping your balls" >w--?? >go for car ride, licking your nuts and enjoying them whilst riding to the vet >you get there, breathe some funny gas, pass out >wake up >there's a cone around your head and an ominous feeling that something is missing >few days later you go to lick your balls That's when it hits you, they're f------ GONE. Such is the the life of the average dog in North America 1 reply
No.9739620 4 hours ago EFC224EA-8B40-4C49-9899-42881473A0E0.jpg JPG 265.2 KİB 1284x1267 >be born >open your eyes for the first time and realize you were born a puppy >life's great >sucking on your moms t--- a family comes and says they're going to adopt you >weeks go by they take you home >life in your new home is great >few more weeks go by and you hear talk of "snipping your balls" >w--?? >go for car ride, licking your nuts and enjoying them whilst riding to the vet >you get there, breathe some funny gas, pass out >wake up >there's a cone around your head and an ominous feeling that something is missing >few days later you go to lick your balls That's when it hits you, they're f------ GONE. Such is the the life of the average dog in North America 1 reply

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Anon gets topped. | /r/Greentext

No.857418256 41 minutes ago surprised-pepe-the-frog-with-o-shape-mouth-meme.jpg| JPG 61.3 KİB 720x692 >be me >bi curious beta boy >try the online dating game >get hit up by n----- >start talking as a joke >get to know him >he's real chilI, likes the vidya i do >start to get into eachother >"yo anon, lemme see dat azz!" >send it >"SHEEEIT anon! Azz fat az f--!" >sends his d--- >fuckingmonstercock.jpg >just like it is in blacked p--- >nervous af but we start hooking up >after a while he says he wants to bring a chick into this relationship >shes cute af >threesome.mp4 >after a while he says >"uh anon, maybe u can f-- me?" >MFW I'm f------ a 9/10 qt. and a n----- in the ass and they love my c--- 3 replies
No.857418256 41 minutes ago surprised-pepe-the-frog-with-o-shape-mouth-meme.jpg| JPG 61.3 KİB 720x692 >be me >bi curious beta boy >try the online dating game >get hit up by n----- >start talking as a joke >get to know him >he's real chilI, likes the vidya i do >start to get into eachother >"yo anon, lemme see dat azz!" >send it >"SHEEEIT anon! Azz fat az f--!" >sends his d--- >fuckingmonstercock.jpg >just like it is in blacked p--- >nervous af but we start hooking up >after a while he says he wants to bring a chick into this relationship >shes cute af >threesome.mp4 >after a while he says >"uh anon, maybe u can f-- me?" >MFW I'm f------ a 9/10 qt. and a n----- in the ass and they love my c--- 3 replies

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Anon is thankful | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)19:56:12 No.64263269 Prove why your god is real and Zeus is not? Checkmate religious (fairy-believers) That's what I thought. Religious people are stupid idiots. If you believe in one of the hundreds of thousands of gods humans have created over the past 50k years then you're an idiot, probably American as well. 1375060154087.jpg 414 KB JPG >tfw you realize the fedora meme completely killed internet atheism and turned it into a joke press t to thank the fedora meme
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)19:56:12 No.64263269 Prove why your god is real and Zeus is not? Checkmate religious (fairy-believers) That's what I thought. Religious people are stupid idiots. If you believe in one of the hundreds of thousands of gods humans have created over the past 50k years then you're an idiot, probably American as well. 1375060154087.jpg 414 KB JPG >tfw you realize the fedora meme completely killed internet atheism and turned it into a joke press t to thank the fedora meme

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Anon has a heart attack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)22:24:21 No.62194965 >trying to bulk >regularly down 700cal shakes no problem >have a really good workout tonight >decide f--- it, make the monster of 1.54 MB JPG all shakes >1300cals 96.5 protein >drink (really was eating) about 3/4 of it >had to stop cause I couldn't drink any more >l only weigh 115 Feeling really tired. I f----- up, didn't I
: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)22:24:21 No.62194965 >trying to bulk >regularly down 700cal shakes no problem >have a really good workout tonight >decide f--- it, make the monster of 1.54 MB JPG all shakes >1300cals 96.5 protein >drink (really was eating) about 3/4 of it >had to stop cause I couldn't drink any more >l only weigh 115 Feeling really tired. I f----- up, didn't I

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Anon gets sexually harassed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)04:24:53 No.62176129 >>62176179 >>62176191 >>62176223 >>62176357 >>62177103 >>62179120 >>62179705 >>62176026 (OP) > mom had friends over > say I'm about to take a shower so the bathroom will be occupied > one of her friends says "let me know if you need any help in there" > mom tells them to stop it but she's laughing > other friend says "yeah gotta make sure you clean EVERYTHING" Why are middle aged women so horny? I'm 20 and staying at home for the summer while at uni.
Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)04:24:53 No.62176129 >>62176179 >>62176191 >>62176223 >>62176357 >>62177103 >>62179120 >>62179705 >>62176026 (OP) > mom had friends over > say I'm about to take a shower so the bathroom will be occupied > one of her friends says "let me know if you need any help in there" > mom tells them to stop it but she's laughing > other friend says "yeah gotta make sure you clean EVERYTHING" Why are middle aged women so horny? I'm 20 and staying at home for the summer while at uni.

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Anon uses 23andme | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 12/11/19(Wed)05:47:18 No.125495590 >The 23andme has returned, I shall finally prove my 100% Anglo genetic history >W-What is this? Five... percent... WELSH? >I STOOD AGHAST AT THE 19 KB JPG PERVERTED REFLECTION OF MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, HANDS TURNED TO SLIMY WEBBED APPENDAGES SECRETING A FOUL SMELLING OILY SUBSTANCE STAINING THE CARPET. EYES SHRIVELLED TO LIZARD-LIKE HUSKS T ATTEMPTED TO SCREAM BUT ALL THAT UTTERED FORTH FROM MY CUPPED MAW WAS THE HORRIFIC CRY OF GHAR'LOPEATH. MINE EARS WOULD HAVE BEEN PIERCED IF THEY HAD NOT RECOILED ENTIRELY INTO THE SKULL LEAVING ME DEAFENED CONFUSED WRITHING ON THE FLOOR
| Anonymous 12/11/19(Wed)05:47:18 No.125495590 >The 23andme has returned, I shall finally prove my 100% Anglo genetic history >W-What is this? Five... percent... WELSH? >I STOOD AGHAST AT THE 19 KB JPG PERVERTED REFLECTION OF MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, HANDS TURNED TO SLIMY WEBBED APPENDAGES SECRETING A FOUL SMELLING OILY SUBSTANCE STAINING THE CARPET. EYES SHRIVELLED TO LIZARD-LIKE HUSKS T ATTEMPTED TO SCREAM BUT ALL THAT UTTERED FORTH FROM MY CUPPED MAW WAS THE HORRIFIC CRY OF GHAR'LOPEATH. MINE EARS WOULD HAVE BEEN PIERCED IF THEY HAD NOT RECOILED ENTIRELY INTO THE SKULL LEAVING ME DEAFENED CONFUSED WRITHING ON THE FLOOR

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Anon takes shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)09:52:18 No.857393448 >be me >18 yo >want to work on holidays in gastronomy >have to make some medical tests >basically have to give them my s--- from 3 different days 325 KB JPG >take 2, forget to take third >last day, two hours before due >do everything to s--- >eat random stuff, drink coffe >nothing works >panic.exe >look at testing stick >is long >decide to shove it up my ass and get the sample fatser >put it in >it doesn't work >put it in as hard as i can >it hurt but didn't work >randomly start s------- little shitballs >mfw I used the wrong formula and got the right answer
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)09:52:18 No.857393448 >be me >18 yo >want to work on holidays in gastronomy >have to make some medical tests >basically have to give them my s--- from 3 different days 325 KB JPG >take 2, forget to take third >last day, two hours before due >do everything to s--- >eat random stuff, drink coffe >nothing works >panic.exe >look at testing stick >is long >decide to shove it up my ass and get the sample fatser >put it in >it doesn't work >put it in as hard as i can >it hurt but didn't work >randomly start s------- little shitballs >mfw I used the wrong formula and got the right answer

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Anon is big for you | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)04:26:09 No.62176150 File: pepe_spag.jpg (29 KB, 570x421) >>62176164 >>62176167 >>62177219 >>62179418 >>62176026 (OP) >walk in elevator >see a 8/10 miring >wow you're really big >thanks y-you too
Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)04:26:09 No.62176150 File: pepe_spag.jpg (29 KB, 570x421) >>62176164 >>62176167 >>62177219 >>62179418 >>62176026 (OP) >walk in elevator >see a 8/10 miring >wow you're really big >thanks y-you too

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Anon and his secret formula | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)18:50:35 No.64261600 >be me last night >realize I drank one can of beer too many >before my body crashes from exhaustion I must do something >start making some mac n cheese >start brewing some coffee 207 KB PNG >down 5 asprin with my coffee >chase it with the mac n cheese >take a sleeping pill >pass out >wake up just fine with no hangover god damn I am smart. it's as if I never drank anything at all. anyways, god morning bots.
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)18:50:35 No.64261600 >be me last night >realize I drank one can of beer too many >before my body crashes from exhaustion I must do something >start making some mac n cheese >start brewing some coffee 207 KB PNG >down 5 asprin with my coffee >chase it with the mac n cheese >take a sleeping pill >pass out >wake up just fine with no hangover god damn I am smart. it's as if I never drank anything at all. anyways, god morning bots.

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Anon likes math | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 761zsAma) 05/28/14(Wed)17:03:44 No.548501734 ITT: Embarrassing high school stories. >be me >been feeling like s--- for the last few months >talk to a doctor about it >he writes me a prescription for an antidepressant >it's called anafranil >after a few weeks, the effects start to kick in >feelsgoodman >be sitting in calculus class one day >s---'s boring as f--- >i yawn >instantly get rock hard >feels like i'm about to c-- >wat >overcome by earthshaking orgasm >shake desk back and forth while yelling "OH F--- YES!" >fall out of chair >legs trembling, huge c------- on my pants >everyone looks at me in shock >ask to be excused >later that night, look up side effects of anafranil on wikipedia >it says that 5% of users experience spontaneous orgasms that are triggered by yawning >n---- whut >go to class next day >everyone trying not to laugh as i walk in and sit down >teacher hands out test >look at first question and get huge, throbbing erection >oh god >dat integral sign >dat dy/dx >so f------ hot >my brain has associated calculus with orgasmic bliss >unzip fly and take test while fapping on stealth mode >someone yawns >yawning is contagious >i yawn >itshappening.gif >my c--- erupts like old faithful >sprays fountain of c-- all over my face >mfw i fapped to my calculus test >mfw everyone in school now calls me the mathturbator
Anonymous (ID: 761zsAma) 05/28/14(Wed)17:03:44 No.548501734 ITT: Embarrassing high school stories. >be me >been feeling like s--- for the last few months >talk to a doctor about it >he writes me a prescription for an antidepressant >it's called anafranil >after a few weeks, the effects start to kick in >feelsgoodman >be sitting in calculus class one day >s---'s boring as f--- >i yawn >instantly get rock hard >feels like i'm about to c-- >wat >overcome by earthshaking orgasm >shake desk back and forth while yelling "OH F--- YES!" >fall out of chair >legs trembling, huge c------- on my pants >everyone looks at me in shock >ask to be excused >later that night, look up side effects of anafranil on wikipedia >it says that 5% of users experience spontaneous orgasms that are triggered by yawning >n---- whut >go to class next day >everyone trying not to laugh as i walk in and sit down >teacher hands out test >look at first question and get huge, throbbing erection >oh god >dat integral sign >dat dy/dx >so f------ hot >my brain has associated calculus with orgasmic bliss >unzip fly and take test while fapping on stealth mode >someone yawns >yawning is contagious >i yawn >itshappening.gif >my c--- erupts like old faithful >sprays fountain of c-- all over my face >mfw i fapped to my calculus test >mfw everyone in school now calls me the mathturbator

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