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Anon tries to give some advice. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)13:05:48 No.857490665 >be me >playing mario kart with little sister >"anon anon, how's my kart?" >she shows me the WORST possible setup imaginable >decide to be honest yeah sis, thats pretty bad tantrum.jpg ok ok fine play whatever you want >start the race (its on dolphin shoals, great map btw) >she misses the speed boost and i see her face crinkle like she ate a lemon >after 15 seconds i hear her whine >"this kart stinks!!" >time to be a smartass gee, if only someone told you beforehand >she starts crying f------ kids, man.
Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)13:05:48 No.857490665 >be me >playing mario kart with little sister >"anon anon, how's my kart?" >she shows me the WORST possible setup imaginable >decide to be honest yeah sis, thats pretty bad tantrum.jpg ok ok fine play whatever you want >start the race (its on dolphin shoals, great map btw) >she misses the speed boost and i see her face crinkle like she ate a lemon >after 15 seconds i hear her whine >"this kart stinks!!" >time to be a smartass gee, if only someone told you beforehand >she starts crying f------ kids, man.

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Anon hot pranked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)13:38:59 No.857474963 >be me, last friday >19, finished school a few months ago >work at local restaurant as barkeeper >finish 12 hour shift 17 KB PNG >take out the trash >see girl my age standing at the big trash can >she whispers "quick someone is coming" but loud enough that I can hear it >wtfwhoisshetalkingto.jpg >l walk by her and see 2 other girls sitting down and straight up pissing on the ground like f------ dogs >w--.png This thread doesn't exist anymore. 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)13:38:59 No.857474963 >be me, last friday >19, finished school a few months ago >work at local restaurant as barkeeper >finish 12 hour shift 17 KB PNG >take out the trash >see girl my age standing at the big trash can >she whispers "quick someone is coming" but loud enough that I can hear it >wtfwhoisshetalkingto.jpg >l walk by her and see 2 other girls sitting down and straight up pissing on the ground like f------ dogs >w--.png This thread doesn't exist anymore. 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon uses the water fountain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21 (Wed)06:17:35 No.857471875 ITT: Funny experiences with n------, 'll start >be me >taking course in liberal college since dumb as s--- >waiting downstairs for class to start >get drink from water fountain >wearing pikachu hat with pumps for ear 142 KB PNG flaps >band of blacks come inside laughing about whatever blacks laugh about >king of the jungle looks at me >stares with his yellow eyes >on the verge of saying something about my hat >retard_brain.exe starts >get a total brain blast >look curious geoege right in his eyes >"| am incredibly racist" >whatthefuckdidijustsay.jpeg >the tribe looks like they just picked their spears up >ready to kick the s--- out of me >get a brain blast bigger than f------ pearl harbour >i say "towards white people >its like i f------ used a mod and completly changed my trust with the village to admired >mfw immediately the most likeable >mfw tribe has a laugh with me and tries to get me to talk to them more I swear this s--- is f------ stupid, n------ can be more easily manipulated than my f------ phone settings 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/23/21 (Wed)06:17:35 No.857471875 ITT: Funny experiences with n------, 'll start >be me >taking course in liberal college since dumb as s--- >waiting downstairs for class to start >get drink from water fountain >wearing pikachu hat with pumps for ear 142 KB PNG flaps >band of blacks come inside laughing about whatever blacks laugh about >king of the jungle looks at me >stares with his yellow eyes >on the verge of saying something about my hat >retard_brain.exe starts >get a total brain blast >look curious geoege right in his eyes >"| am incredibly racist" >whatthefuckdidijustsay.jpeg >the tribe looks like they just picked their spears up >ready to kick the s--- out of me >get a brain blast bigger than f------ pearl harbour >i say "towards white people >its like i f------ used a mod and completly changed my trust with the village to admired >mfw immediately the most likeable >mfw tribe has a laugh with me and tries to get me to talk to them more I swear this s--- is f------ stupid, n------ can be more easily manipulated than my f------ phone settings 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is based | /r/Greentext


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Anons magic room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)09:47:39 No.857466299 >theres this room in my house >if you pace around long enough satan will appear >he will measure your d--- then whisper sweet sweet secrets to you that will change your life forever >he always slaps you on the butt 5 KB JPG on the way out just let it happen
: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)09:47:39 No.857466299 >theres this room in my house >if you pace around long enough satan will appear >he will measure your d--- then whisper sweet sweet secrets to you that will change your life forever >he always slaps you on the butt 5 KB JPG on the way out just let it happen

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Anon is into Porn | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a complainer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21 (Wed)08:23:41 No.857476801 >20 >Go to school >Ghetto part of the country >Full of trashy reprobates who cheat, lie, litter and try to be gangsta by getting tattoos and smoking >l come to class >Look around and see 62 KB JPG >Radlib yungbludite who thinks he's cool because he practices crossdressing and puts on makeup while male, prettymuch acts like a girl anyway >His cocky and opinionated female friend who is even more selfish than him >The trinity is topped off with a another radlib girl but her shtick is that she's a fatass whale >A cute weeb girl who however has a an aversion to me (as usual with females) and is a good friend of the previous three >They start talking >Her high pitched anime voice can be heard anywhere >l'm forced to keep thinking about how I'll never get her or anyone like her >Some other trashy assholes join >l have to listen to this and day by day I wish more and more that maybe someday all of the bastards fail in life as hard as they deserve >Realize it won't happen since the real loser is apparently my autistic ass >Realize justice is a false concept >Realize tomorrow I go to school again just so I can listen to more of their BS and have to look at them >mfw 21 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/23/21 (Wed)08:23:41 No.857476801 >20 >Go to school >Ghetto part of the country >Full of trashy reprobates who cheat, lie, litter and try to be gangsta by getting tattoos and smoking >l come to class >Look around and see 62 KB JPG >Radlib yungbludite who thinks he's cool because he practices crossdressing and puts on makeup while male, prettymuch acts like a girl anyway >His cocky and opinionated female friend who is even more selfish than him >The trinity is topped off with a another radlib girl but her shtick is that she's a fatass whale >A cute weeb girl who however has a an aversion to me (as usual with females) and is a good friend of the previous three >They start talking >Her high pitched anime voice can be heard anywhere >l'm forced to keep thinking about how I'll never get her or anyone like her >Some other trashy assholes join >l have to listen to this and day by day I wish more and more that maybe someday all of the bastards fail in life as hard as they deserve >Realize it won't happen since the real loser is apparently my autistic ass >Realize justice is a false concept >Realize tomorrow I go to school again just so I can listen to more of their BS and have to look at them >mfw 21 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon works in IT | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)12:37:42 No.857489171 > Working at IT department in bank > Company currently joined the woke-train and now we get all kinds of workshops on why straight white men are the devil > Roll eyes - none of the Directors/VPs are of color... > People start to insert moronic 'she/her' and 'his/him' to their signatures 44 KB JPG > Getting so annoyed by this, I insert 'they/them' in my signature > One of my colleagues (and one of the drivers behind this whole moronification of signatures) asks me about my signature > I reply "I don't think it's appropriate to talk about these things at work - please just respects my pronouns" > This person goes mad, accusing me of mocking the pronouns >I think "F--- it. No way for her to prove it", and step to HR to complain > Colleague is being asked to stop her questioning (and gets her first official warning), but still brings it up two more times >I go to HR again, she gets her second official warning > I'm enjoying that this moronic s--- is now biting the proponents in their ass > Again, she's alluding to my pronouns not being genuine during a meeting > I make a big scene of it (lulz), and HR gets involved again > Last Friday was her last day. 10 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)12:55:39 No.857490104 Based and redpilled, OP 27 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)12:37:42 No.857489171 > Working at IT department in bank > Company currently joined the woke-train and now we get all kinds of workshops on why straight white men are the devil > Roll eyes - none of the Directors/VPs are of color... > People start to insert moronic 'she/her' and 'his/him' to their signatures 44 KB JPG > Getting so annoyed by this, I insert 'they/them' in my signature > One of my colleagues (and one of the drivers behind this whole moronification of signatures) asks me about my signature > I reply "I don't think it's appropriate to talk about these things at work - please just respects my pronouns" > This person goes mad, accusing me of mocking the pronouns >I think "F--- it. No way for her to prove it", and step to HR to complain > Colleague is being asked to stop her questioning (and gets her first official warning), but still brings it up two more times >I go to HR again, she gets her second official warning > I'm enjoying that this moronic s--- is now biting the proponents in their ass > Again, she's alluding to my pronouns not being genuine during a meeting > I make a big scene of it (lulz), and HR gets involved again > Last Friday was her last day. 10 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)12:55:39 No.857490104 Based and redpilled, OP 27 KB JPG

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Probably hung like a soup can | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)20:36:44 No.857492410 >Be Big Ed >The biggest neckbeard >Has no neck >Literally can't look up >Still smashes girls 1/3 his age 55 KB JPG What's your excuse?
: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)20:36:44 No.857492410 >Be Big Ed >The biggest neckbeard >Has no neck >Literally can't look up >Still smashes girls 1/3 his age 55 KB JPG What's your excuse?

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Anon rides into a fence | /r/Greentext

06/23/21(Wed)18:28:39 No.64277422 : Anonymous Ball hurt help ME? HA YEAH BRO IM FINE >about 7 >riding a bike for the first time >dumb little s--- and can't stop it >panic and crash into fence HUSLANITLE TIRED THATS ALL >balls first >the black and purple bruises you get on your skin but on my f------ 908 KB PNG balls >ever since I have been getting random terrible pains in my balls a few times a month >in college now >still happening It's been getting worse as time goes on Can I still have kids? Am I going to f------ die? 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)18:31:46 No.64277455 >>64277422 (OP) # It's a testicular infection, anon. An amputation is probably necessary.
06/23/21(Wed)18:28:39 No.64277422 : Anonymous Ball hurt help ME? HA YEAH BRO IM FINE >about 7 >riding a bike for the first time >dumb little s--- and can't stop it >panic and crash into fence HUSLANITLE TIRED THATS ALL >balls first >the black and purple bruises you get on your skin but on my f------ 908 KB PNG balls >ever since I have been getting random terrible pains in my balls a few times a month >in college now >still happening It's been getting worse as time goes on Can I still have kids? Am I going to f------ die? 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)18:31:46 No.64277455 >>64277422 (OP) # It's a testicular infection, anon. An amputation is probably necessary.

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Anons first year teaching | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)10:40:39 No.857468578 >Be me a few years ago, history teacher in his first year in the middle-school used to go >We had our first teacher meetup, just a few teacher that I know from LAND OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE the past 12 KB JPG > Principal ask me after the meetup, if I have a computer, because they can give me one for work >I told him I bought a laptop just for the school work with Linux, but I have my own computer at home >"Oh that's nice anon, can you give acces your computers to the IT's head? Oh and the school use [this specific browser that was probably made in the 2000's], you should use it too. But don't worry, we won't search in your computers, it's for make sure if your computer get any virus we know it The land of the free my ass, that a------ wanted to gain acces to my gaming computer and my laptop. F--- you america
: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)10:40:39 No.857468578 >Be me a few years ago, history teacher in his first year in the middle-school used to go >We had our first teacher meetup, just a few teacher that I know from LAND OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE the past 12 KB JPG > Principal ask me after the meetup, if I have a computer, because they can give me one for work >I told him I bought a laptop just for the school work with Linux, but I have my own computer at home >"Oh that's nice anon, can you give acces your computers to the IT's head? Oh and the school use [this specific browser that was probably made in the 2000's], you should use it too. But don't worry, we won't search in your computers, it's for make sure if your computer get any virus we know it The land of the free my ass, that a------ wanted to gain acces to my gaming computer and my laptop. F--- you america

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Anon represses his autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)11:23:09 No.857485477 >be me >decide to go for a walk >take a cup of coffee >it's a purple travel cup >didn't even think about it until I passed a neighbor >oh god oh f--- I look autistic 40 KB JPG >"Oh, hey Anon! Whatcha drinkin?" >"Oh you know, just some coffee h-haha" >"Sounds nice, Anon. Have a good walk!" >repress the urge to say you too >have a nice walk >learned a lesson about worrying about what others think What are you accomplishing today, Anons?
: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)11:23:09 No.857485477 >be me >decide to go for a walk >take a cup of coffee >it's a purple travel cup >didn't even think about it until I passed a neighbor >oh god oh f--- I look autistic 40 KB JPG >"Oh, hey Anon! Whatcha drinkin?" >"Oh you know, just some coffee h-haha" >"Sounds nice, Anon. Have a good walk!" >repress the urge to say you too >have a nice walk >learned a lesson about worrying about what others think What are you accomplishing today, Anons?

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Anon is a biketard | /r/Greentext


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anon tells a funny story | /r/Greentext


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Anon takes the Bootpill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 64271460 42 min. ago •.. The Bootpill >take motorcycle class >have to wear boots >don't have any >go to big 5 and buy some $20 hiking boots >they give me probably two-three inches of height >think nothing of it >class was two days, both days go to get something to eat after >notice women looking at me both times I'm taking the boot pill. I f------ knew my only problem was I wasn't tall 234.8 kB PNG REPLY
Anonymous | 64271460 42 min. ago •.. The Bootpill >take motorcycle class >have to wear boots >don't have any >go to big 5 and buy some $20 hiking boots >they give me probably two-three inches of height >think nothing of it >class was two days, both days go to get something to eat after >notice women looking at me both times I'm taking the boot pill. I f------ knew my only problem was I wasn't tall 234.8 kB PNG REPLY

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Cicada's confuse anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 857481178 >wait 17 years >wake up >scream for 4 weeks >refuse to elaborate >die 16 REPLIES 3 IMAGES
Anonymous | 857481178 >wait 17 years >wake up >scream for 4 weeks >refuse to elaborate >die 16 REPLIES 3 IMAGES

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Anon has a good stretch | /r/Greentext


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Anon had sex | /r/Greentext


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Doctor.parchment | /r/Greentext

File: plaguedoc jpg (49 KB, 324x569) O Anonymous 02/05/17(Sun)13:18:05 No.721448547 >721449370 >721451328 >be medieval doctor >out in the woods gathering onions and berries for lunch >suddenly encounter with normie man at arms >"oh humus.parchment" >says that I'm in his lordship woods >glad that i'm wearing plague mask to roll my eyes >guard starts to shout at me >villagers gather round >time to do doctoral duty >tell guard that i've found rare herb that reveals if one is with the plague >scoffs in disbelief >tell him to apply herb in thyself >it's curare >he's paralysed >"coupdegrace.tapestry" >tell everyone the guard got the plague >set him on fire >saved villagers >i am a doctor
File: plaguedoc jpg (49 KB, 324x569) O Anonymous 02/05/17(Sun)13:18:05 No.721448547 >721449370 >721451328 >be medieval doctor >out in the woods gathering onions and berries for lunch >suddenly encounter with normie man at arms >"oh humus.parchment" >says that I'm in his lordship woods >glad that i'm wearing plague mask to roll my eyes >guard starts to shout at me >villagers gather round >time to do doctoral duty >tell guard that i've found rare herb that reveals if one is with the plague >scoffs in disbelief >tell him to apply herb in thyself >it's curare >he's paralysed >"coupdegrace.tapestry" >tell everyone the guard got the plague >set him on fire >saved villagers >i am a doctor

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Anon can't keep an erection | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous mom found out my peepee proble(...) 04/09/21(Fri)04:01:41 No.63121036 >be me >very nervous >crippling anxiety makes it impossible to keep an erection infront of a woman >go to the psychiatrist >she gives me tadalafil pills (just better viagra) 9 KB JPG >save them >forget where i saved them >look around for an hour, no clue where they are >think mom saved them >ask mom where did she put the "orange pills" >"what are those orange pills for anon"? >"I.. Uh... I uh uhm have you seen them or not?" >"ANON WHAT ARE THOSE PILLS FOR" >Almost crying from shame, say the truth >"... So have you seen them?" >"No" II >Give it one more shot before giving up >look under my bed >The pills are there I just. I can't. Maybe I shouldn't be able to reproduce, being this retarded
: Anonymous mom found out my peepee proble(...) 04/09/21(Fri)04:01:41 No.63121036 >be me >very nervous >crippling anxiety makes it impossible to keep an erection infront of a woman >go to the psychiatrist >she gives me tadalafil pills (just better viagra) 9 KB JPG >save them >forget where i saved them >look around for an hour, no clue where they are >think mom saved them >ask mom where did she put the "orange pills" >"what are those orange pills for anon"? >"I.. Uh... I uh uhm have you seen them or not?" >"ANON WHAT ARE THOSE PILLS FOR" >Almost crying from shame, say the truth >"... So have you seen them?" >"No" II >Give it one more shot before giving up >look under my bed >The pills are there I just. I can't. Maybe I shouldn't be able to reproduce, being this retarded

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