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Anon is a mosquito | /r/Greentext

File: useless f---.jpg (7 KB, 300x200) Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)10:50:31 No.858337451 [Reply] >be me >live in forest >some f-------- come by to enjoy camping trip >it'sgotimeboys >swarm the ever loving f--- out of the family, stealing all their blood >find out day after that my cousins in africa gave another family malaria >it's been a good day
File: useless f---.jpg (7 KB, 300x200) Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)10:50:31 No.858337451 [Reply] >be me >live in forest >some f-------- come by to enjoy camping trip >it'sgotimeboys >swarm the ever loving f--- out of the family, stealing all their blood >find out day after that my cousins in africa gave another family malaria >it's been a good day

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Anon is sick af | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:23:53 No.848410707 so i ordered this doll online and put a jessie james fleshlight inside it and i've been f------ it for a couple of weeks mom found it help what do i do she's talking on the phone and crying i'm 28 years old (BAR 126 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:26:32 No.848410832 >>848410707 (OP) # W.. .. why.. did you do that Anon? 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:23:53 No.848410707 so i ordered this doll online and put a jessie james fleshlight inside it and i've been f------ it for a couple of weeks mom found it help what do i do she's talking on the phone and crying i'm 28 years old (BAR 126 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:26:32 No.848410832 >>848410707 (OP) # W.. .. why.. did you do that Anon? 29 KB JPG

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Anon makes a wrong decision | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)00:24:44 No.858350544 >be me >have pe lesson >me and some dudes from my grade sit on >some rocks and talk about p--- >someone brings up lesbian p--- >my retarded little brain thinks its good idea to 87 KB JPG >make everyone think im gay >say: "I actually prefer gay p--- over lesbian >p---" >everyone stops talking and looks at me mfw I made everyone in my grade think that im a f-----
: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)00:24:44 No.858350544 >be me >have pe lesson >me and some dudes from my grade sit on >some rocks and talk about p--- >someone brings up lesbian p--- >my retarded little brain thinks its good idea to 87 KB JPG >make everyone think im gay >say: "I actually prefer gay p--- over lesbian >p---" >everyone stops talking and looks at me mfw I made everyone in my grade think that im a f-----

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Anon’s new classmate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)12:23:48 No.64448454 >walk into first day of class >sit down next to some Chinese dude >sits there typing away on messenger on his laptop or whatever, typing in Chinese >suddenly turns and asks me and the other guys at the table what we think of our country's "aggressive" stance on the Chinese 25 KB JPG government, in stilted broken English >"haha I don't know I haven't really been paying attention haha" >nods >goes back to typing in Chinese >spends the whole class typing and not paying attention or contributing >doesn't show up to any future lessons Gee golly, I wonder what he could have been up to.
: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)12:23:48 No.64448454 >walk into first day of class >sit down next to some Chinese dude >sits there typing away on messenger on his laptop or whatever, typing in Chinese >suddenly turns and asks me and the other guys at the table what we think of our country's "aggressive" stance on the Chinese 25 KB JPG government, in stilted broken English >"haha I don't know I haven't really been paying attention haha" >nods >goes back to typing in Chinese >spends the whole class typing and not paying attention or contributing >doesn't show up to any future lessons Gee golly, I wonder what he could have been up to.

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Anon has orange soda | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/22/12(Wed)20:41 No. 10799657 >Go to grocery store, buy some Sprite >Pour a glass of the stuff >Suddenly have to pee >Go to bathroom >Pee >Remember left the Sprite on the counter, should put it back >It's Orange Crush >Never have bought Orange Crush before >In the glass is stil Sprite >Receipt says I purchased Sprite >??? >Eventually get over my confusion, go to work tomorrow >Strange new file in my Flash Drive >what >Check it out >It's a video file name sprite.avi >Confusion levels now through the roof >Play it >It's my kitchen >Some guy walks into the kitchen >Now horrified >He picks up the entire 2 liter bottle and guzzles it all down in a gulp >Looks guilty >He pulls a 2 liter bottle of Orange Crush out of his pocket and puts it on the table in it's place >Walks out >Call cops, show them video >They never find anything about it, are equally as confused >Eventually, I also get over that, although I lock my windows >Wake up one moming >Note on table >"Sorry about giving you an inferior drink," >Give cops note, don't find anything on that either >Still really paranoid even though this happened years ago Also, f--- him. Orange Crush is gross.
Anonymous 08/22/12(Wed)20:41 No. 10799657 >Go to grocery store, buy some Sprite >Pour a glass of the stuff >Suddenly have to pee >Go to bathroom >Pee >Remember left the Sprite on the counter, should put it back >It's Orange Crush >Never have bought Orange Crush before >In the glass is stil Sprite >Receipt says I purchased Sprite >??? >Eventually get over my confusion, go to work tomorrow >Strange new file in my Flash Drive >what >Check it out >It's a video file name sprite.avi >Confusion levels now through the roof >Play it >It's my kitchen >Some guy walks into the kitchen >Now horrified >He picks up the entire 2 liter bottle and guzzles it all down in a gulp >Looks guilty >He pulls a 2 liter bottle of Orange Crush out of his pocket and puts it on the table in it's place >Walks out >Call cops, show them video >They never find anything about it, are equally as confused >Eventually, I also get over that, although I lock my windows >Wake up one moming >Note on table >"Sorry about giving you an inferior drink," >Give cops note, don't find anything on that either >Still really paranoid even though this happened years ago Also, f--- him. Orange Crush is gross.

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Anon dislikes Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:54:45 No.858370578 >He's a fighter who has never competed on a grand stage >He's a comedian who isn't funny >He's a host who interrupts his guests with non sequiturs >He's a commentator who has GRN nothing interesting or informative to say 81 KB JPG >He is part of an intellectual movement without graduating from University or hell, ever saying something smart >5'3 Why does he have fans? Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:56:06 No.858370664 >>858370578 (OP) # Because hes not a pozzed f-----. Its refreshing to listen to someone who isnt brainwashed once in a while. Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:56:16 No.858370673 >>858370578 (OP) # How f------ dare you disrespect the fine comedic art of stool humping 85 KB GIF
Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:54:45 No.858370578 >He's a fighter who has never competed on a grand stage >He's a comedian who isn't funny >He's a host who interrupts his guests with non sequiturs >He's a commentator who has GRN nothing interesting or informative to say 81 KB JPG >He is part of an intellectual movement without graduating from University or hell, ever saying something smart >5'3 Why does he have fans? Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:56:06 No.858370664 >>858370578 (OP) # Because hes not a pozzed f-----. Its refreshing to listen to someone who isnt brainwashed once in a while. Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:56:16 No.858370673 >>858370578 (OP) # How f------ dare you disrespect the fine comedic art of stool humping 85 KB GIF

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Anon goes to england | /r/Greentext

File: 1336681229 gif-(940 KB, 320x286, dont gif) Anonymous 05/10/12(Thu)16:20 No. 12528401 >go to england >head to restaurant to try and preserve gainz >my watch is set to my countries timezone >ask someone what the time is >TAAM? WANK MY ARSE IN UR FACE C--- >have no idea what he just said to me >notice he doesn't have a watch on >no one in england has a watch >big ben starts to chime >everyone stops what they're doing to count the bongs >man crashes his car trying to count the bongs >waitress drops my order on the floor trying to count her fingers >man running down the street Ol ITS 7 BONG >mfw
File: 1336681229 gif-(940 KB, 320x286, dont gif) Anonymous 05/10/12(Thu)16:20 No. 12528401 >go to england >head to restaurant to try and preserve gainz >my watch is set to my countries timezone >ask someone what the time is >TAAM? WANK MY ARSE IN UR FACE C--- >have no idea what he just said to me >notice he doesn't have a watch on >no one in england has a watch >big ben starts to chime >everyone stops what they're doing to count the bongs >man crashes his car trying to count the bongs >waitress drops my order on the floor trying to count her fingers >man running down the street Ol ITS 7 BONG >mfw

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The good dinosaur | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)01:49:36 No.153042724 chadranosaurus.jpg 52 KB JPG >why yes, I D0 kill long neck bitches in front of their children thus traumatizing them for life, how can you tell? >>153043802 # >>153044890 # >>153054320 # >>153054662 # >>153060185 #
: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)01:49:36 No.153042724 chadranosaurus.jpg 52 KB JPG >why yes, I D0 kill long neck bitches in front of their children thus traumatizing them for life, how can you tell? >>153043802 # >>153044890 # >>153054320 # >>153054662 # >>153060185 #

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Anon LARPs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)08:26:47 No.64447176 >girlfriend has a twin sister >sometimes I pretend I don't know who she is and grab her ass from behind and kiss her >then act shocked when she turns around 48 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)08:26:47 No.64447176 >girlfriend has a twin sister >sometimes I pretend I don't know who she is and grab her ass from behind and kiss her >then act shocked when she turns around 48 KB JPG

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Anon makes food | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)00:17:03 No.858389497 File: e022167d21e244ccd88bd5b5f(--.).jpg (28 KB, 474x381) >>858375987 (OP). >4 years old me >Retarded AF >"Hmmm, body transforms food into poop" >Have the most brilliant big brain time in my life >Get to school, go quickly to the bathroom and dump the biggest turd i've ever s------ >"Obviously the body should turn poop into food" >Told 2 friends of mine if the wanted to make some pizza in the bathroom >Teacher is sleeping 24/7, we are little kids after all, what could go wrong? >Explain my theory to the other 2 kids >hesgotapoint.jpg >I'm not gonna eat, I'm still full (thank god I wasn't hungry) >tfw the teacher found us in the bathroom as I watched 2 of my friends eating s---
Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)00:17:03 No.858389497 File: e022167d21e244ccd88bd5b5f(--.).jpg (28 KB, 474x381) >>858375987 (OP). >4 years old me >Retarded AF >"Hmmm, body transforms food into poop" >Have the most brilliant big brain time in my life >Get to school, go quickly to the bathroom and dump the biggest turd i've ever s------ >"Obviously the body should turn poop into food" >Told 2 friends of mine if the wanted to make some pizza in the bathroom >Teacher is sleeping 24/7, we are little kids after all, what could go wrong? >Explain my theory to the other 2 kids >hesgotapoint.jpg >I'm not gonna eat, I'm still full (thank god I wasn't hungry) >tfw the teacher found us in the bathroom as I watched 2 of my friends eating s---

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Anon blows his chance | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)20:54:00 No.62431079 >be 19, KV >few months working crappy retail job stocking shelves but great coworkers >occasionally make small talk with hot blonde coworker 36 KB JPG >get hard as concrete + precum when I talk to her >give my two weeks after finding a better job >last day >end of out shifts >something inside me says to stop being a little punk bitch and to ask her out (first time asking out a girl too) >ask her if she's "interested in going out sometime" >she says "Oh uh yeah" and gives me her phone number >"Cool l'll text you, see you" >text her "Hey it's anon from work" but she never responded This was a month ago. I get that she wasn't interested but did I do this correctly?
: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)20:54:00 No.62431079 >be 19, KV >few months working crappy retail job stocking shelves but great coworkers >occasionally make small talk with hot blonde coworker 36 KB JPG >get hard as concrete + precum when I talk to her >give my two weeks after finding a better job >last day >end of out shifts >something inside me says to stop being a little punk bitch and to ask her out (first time asking out a girl too) >ask her if she's "interested in going out sometime" >she says "Oh uh yeah" and gives me her phone number >"Cool l'll text you, see you" >text her "Hey it's anon from work" but she never responded This was a month ago. I get that she wasn't interested but did I do this correctly?

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Anon goes to a therapist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)11:42:09 No.64361300 >it's been over 6 months, did you even started any tasks we agreed on? >lt's almost July and you not even started a single one? >so you just browse mindlessly on that website? "four chain"? >can you explain the term 216 KB PNG "shitposting" to me? >anon you have to set the direction of your life. >You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. hey, half a year wasted, cheers to the next 6 months i guess...
: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)11:42:09 No.64361300 >it's been over 6 months, did you even started any tasks we agreed on? >lt's almost July and you not even started a single one? >so you just browse mindlessly on that website? "four chain"? >can you explain the term 216 KB PNG "shitposting" to me? >anon you have to set the direction of your life. >You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. hey, half a year wasted, cheers to the next 6 months i guess...

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Anon is an idiot. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:52:47 No.858370457 >be me >friends with girl I have a crush on >live in s----- small town >every year our town has a small 4th of July festival >"hey anon, wanna go with 18 KB JPG me this year?" >sure.jpeg >drive to festival >tons of people >my autism can't handle this >sit by myself like the autist I am >wait for her for an hour and a half >waiting for her still >"sorry anon I can't make it" >"oh ok haha that's fine" Why did I ever think I could date someone.
: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)19:52:47 No.858370457 >be me >friends with girl I have a crush on >live in s----- small town >every year our town has a small 4th of July festival >"hey anon, wanna go with 18 KB JPG me this year?" >sure.jpeg >drive to festival >tons of people >my autism can't handle this >sit by myself like the autist I am >wait for her for an hour and a half >waiting for her still >"sorry anon I can't make it" >"oh ok haha that's fine" Why did I ever think I could date someone.

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Anon has girl troubles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)15:43:42 No.64440174 >be me, a lonely incel in summer class >2 week ago someone from class actually asked me out >somewhat ugly 3/10, pretty fat, but say yes because l can use a practice gf >bear with practice gf for 2 weeks, still 28 KB JPG don't kiss her cuz ugly >go to a night club together, a qt 6/10 asks me to dance >lean in to kiss the 6/10 but she pulls away looking disgusted >practice gf start to cry and runs out of club what should I do /r9k/, do I still have a chance with the 6/10? maybe she'll be at the same nightclub again next weekend
: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)15:43:42 No.64440174 >be me, a lonely incel in summer class >2 week ago someone from class actually asked me out >somewhat ugly 3/10, pretty fat, but say yes because l can use a practice gf >bear with practice gf for 2 weeks, still 28 KB JPG don't kiss her cuz ugly >go to a night club together, a qt 6/10 asks me to dance >lean in to kiss the 6/10 but she pulls away looking disgusted >practice gf start to cry and runs out of club what should I do /r9k/, do I still have a chance with the 6/10? maybe she'll be at the same nightclub again next weekend

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anon does it hands free | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)16:33:31 No.858336695 >>858324859 (OP) >15 >Visit Yellowstone NP with family >We have food in the restaurant >l gotta take a sit so go to the toilet > Two stalls >Check first it's overflowing with s--- and tissue >Open door of second stall >Woman in her 30 sitting there >l think I'm in the wrong bathroom but she says she's wrong but she wants to stay and watch >I'm sorta creeped out but also suddenly horny >l say ok and sit down >She's standing in the corner of the stall watching >l'm super anxious so I can't pee or poop or anything just looking at her nervously >She says it's ok she knows what can help >She kneels down and grabs my d--- outta the bowl >Starts sucking >F--- I'm getting molested by a cougar >C-- in her mouth after a minute or so, turd flops out >She says I'm pretty cool and leaves >l return to my family >Sister asks if I was jerking off cuz I took so long >Smugly say I don't need to j------- lol >As we leave I see the women getting fries for her family
Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)16:33:31 No.858336695 >>858324859 (OP) >15 >Visit Yellowstone NP with family >We have food in the restaurant >l gotta take a sit so go to the toilet > Two stalls >Check first it's overflowing with s--- and tissue >Open door of second stall >Woman in her 30 sitting there >l think I'm in the wrong bathroom but she says she's wrong but she wants to stay and watch >I'm sorta creeped out but also suddenly horny >l say ok and sit down >She's standing in the corner of the stall watching >l'm super anxious so I can't pee or poop or anything just looking at her nervously >She says it's ok she knows what can help >She kneels down and grabs my d--- outta the bowl >Starts sucking >F--- I'm getting molested by a cougar >C-- in her mouth after a minute or so, turd flops out >She says I'm pretty cool and leaves >l return to my family >Sister asks if I was jerking off cuz I took so long >Smugly say I don't need to j------- lol >As we leave I see the women getting fries for her family

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anon gets mired | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)20:38:30 No.62414397 >>62411966 (OP) # >Covering regular carriers route >Old lady comes out and grabs her mail >oh are you the new carrier >no just covering ks route today 32 KB JPG shes on vaction >oh thats too bad I could get used to seeing you *winks* thats as good as it gets boys
: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)20:38:30 No.62414397 >>62411966 (OP) # >Covering regular carriers route >Old lady comes out and grabs her mail >oh are you the new carrier >no just covering ks route today 32 KB JPG shes on vaction >oh thats too bad I could get used to seeing you *winks* thats as good as it gets boys

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: bsbVnCJC )LI 07/04/21(Sun)20:50:37 No.328749308 File: wojak ngmi macdick.png (246 KB, 631x595) >>328746458 (OP) >go to the gym >see a qt working out >we lock eyes >*boner activated* NG MI >everyone notices my r----------- >banned from gym >tfw my own penis literally rises up against me
O Anonymous (ID: bsbVnCJC )LI 07/04/21(Sun)20:50:37 No.328749308 File: wojak ngmi macdick.png (246 KB, 631x595) >>328746458 (OP) >go to the gym >see a qt working out >we lock eyes >*boner activated* NG MI >everyone notices my r----------- >banned from gym >tfw my own penis literally rises up against me

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Anon's girl finds the cum room | /r/Greentext

No.858348231 07/04/21(Sun)13:00:51 1583890786215.jpg JPG 15.5 KiB 500x375 >have girl over >tell her to not go in ONE room in my house >she goes in it while im in the kitchen getting food >its my semen deposit room >plastic shoeboxes and tubs filled up with semen >room isnt even halfway filled, she still freaks out >anon why do you have a c-- deposit room >where the hell else am i supposed to put it all dumb bitch
No.858348231 07/04/21(Sun)13:00:51 1583890786215.jpg JPG 15.5 KiB 500x375 >have girl over >tell her to not go in ONE room in my house >she goes in it while im in the kitchen getting food >its my semen deposit room >plastic shoeboxes and tubs filled up with semen >room isnt even halfway filled, she still freaks out >anon why do you have a c-- deposit room >where the hell else am i supposed to put it all dumb bitch

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anon is american | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)21:48:57 No.858354928 >be me, american >taking night classes at the local high school so i can get a phd and earn $15 an hour >school shooter enters classroom the third time this week 59 KB JPG >shoots me, i go unconscious >wake up in hospital, apparently my thirteen inches of chest fat stopped the bullet from hitting my heart >sell house, car and dog to pay hospital debt >finish treatment after a week >get shot by cop and die
: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)21:48:57 No.858354928 >be me, american >taking night classes at the local high school so i can get a phd and earn $15 an hour >school shooter enters classroom the third time this week 59 KB JPG >shoots me, i go unconscious >wake up in hospital, apparently my thirteen inches of chest fat stopped the bullet from hitting my heart >sell house, car and dog to pay hospital debt >finish treatment after a week >get shot by cop and die

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Punching bag | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)06:49:26 No.64435743 >back in highschool, had a bully who used to torment me by kicking me in the testicles >years later, go to the doctor for some constant lethargy Long story short >there's a massive amount of scar 322 KB PNG tissue in my testicles, and it's very likely that I'm infertile >also will likely have hormonal issues the rest of my life I don't really know why I'm posting this, but I'm genuinely considering killing the person who did this to me. What really do have to lose?
: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)06:49:26 No.64435743 >back in highschool, had a bully who used to torment me by kicking me in the testicles >years later, go to the doctor for some constant lethargy Long story short >there's a massive amount of scar 322 KB PNG tissue in my testicles, and it's very likely that I'm infertile >also will likely have hormonal issues the rest of my life I don't really know why I'm posting this, but I'm genuinely considering killing the person who did this to me. What really do have to lose?

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