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Anon loses his gym shoes | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 02/17/20(Mon)14:33:37 No.54488628 File: jimothy.jpg (5 KB, 225x225) >>54488662 >>54489507 >>54489822 >>54487163 (OP) this happened last week >go to gym reception >nice bro dude asks me whats up >ask him if they might've found my shoes, since they're not in my bag >he goes to the back to look in lost and found >comes back with my shoes >I thank him >"wow these must be new! good quality!" he says >"Haha they're not new, I'm sure they don't smell that way" I joke >he actually f------ smells one of my shoes >he just softly laughs awkwardly and hands me my shoes and wishes me a good workout
>> Anonymous 02/17/20(Mon)14:33:37 No.54488628 File: jimothy.jpg (5 KB, 225x225) >>54488662 >>54489507 >>54489822 >>54487163 (OP) this happened last week >go to gym reception >nice bro dude asks me whats up >ask him if they might've found my shoes, since they're not in my bag >he goes to the back to look in lost and found >comes back with my shoes >I thank him >"wow these must be new! good quality!" he says >"Haha they're not new, I'm sure they don't smell that way" I joke >he actually f------ smells one of my shoes >he just softly laughs awkwardly and hands me my shoes and wishes me a good workout

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Anon describes daily routine of Chinese people | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: omJpzVE)= 07/25/16(Mon)00:32:11 No.82523258 >be Chinese >wake up for work >elevator is shut down cause it cut someone in half >use stairs instead >can't use car because the garage collapsed on it >barely avoid getting swallowed by a sidewalk sinkhole >narrowly dodge a car that rolls over a 4 year old child >finally make it to train station >escalator eats the guy in front of me >10 people are trampled to death trying to get on train >train derails killing hundreds >crawl out of rubble and stumble to work >clock in at the oil refinery and light a c-------- >resulting explosion vaporizes 4 city blocks
Anonymous (ID: omJpzVE)= 07/25/16(Mon)00:32:11 No.82523258 >be Chinese >wake up for work >elevator is shut down cause it cut someone in half >use stairs instead >can't use car because the garage collapsed on it >barely avoid getting swallowed by a sidewalk sinkhole >narrowly dodge a car that rolls over a 4 year old child >finally make it to train station >escalator eats the guy in front of me >10 people are trampled to death trying to get on train >train derails killing hundreds >crawl out of rubble and stumble to work >clock in at the oil refinery and light a c-------- >resulting explosion vaporizes 4 city blocks

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Anon loves his dad | /r/Greentext

File: The Feels are reals.jpg (32 KB, 400x388) Anonymous 07/10/18(Tue)18:55:05 No.773975379 >>773976017 >>773976265 >>773976565 >>773976757 >be me 8 or 7 (can't remember, long time ago) >Mom is dental hygienist >Dad works construction (carpenter & bridge builder) >they both take in a good amount of pay to live well >Dad comes home every day bloody with smashed hands, nails fall off sometimes because the nail goes dead from how hardly it gets hit >Mom and Dad divorce >I live with dad >dad gets paid small amount >dad and I are basically broke >Not enough money for cable or pleasantries >Have just enough money to keep the house and basic American necessities (electricity., water, etc.) >We eat lots of top ramen and things that come in a can >lots of caned food from safeway and places of the sort >lf at the end of the week my dad had any money left over he'd take me out for a treat, McDonalds, Jack In The Box, Carls Jr., etc. or if i needed it clothes >didn't have much money at all so that meant a lot to me even as a little kid >My mom took alot of the stuff from the house, even beds >So my dad and I slept on a air mattress in his room and watched YouTube till we got tired and went to sleep >He had to be at work early, 3am, so he had to get up at 1:30am ish >He would set an alarm next to me so I would never be late to school >never was late >He would always pick me up in his work truck and drive me home. >be me now no one will ever love me as much as that man did. He was always there for me and did the best he could to take care of me. I just wish one day l'll be able to be as good a dad as he was. Love you dad, I miss you
File: The Feels are reals.jpg (32 KB, 400x388) Anonymous 07/10/18(Tue)18:55:05 No.773975379 >>773976017 >>773976265 >>773976565 >>773976757 >be me 8 or 7 (can't remember, long time ago) >Mom is dental hygienist >Dad works construction (carpenter & bridge builder) >they both take in a good amount of pay to live well >Dad comes home every day bloody with smashed hands, nails fall off sometimes because the nail goes dead from how hardly it gets hit >Mom and Dad divorce >I live with dad >dad gets paid small amount >dad and I are basically broke >Not enough money for cable or pleasantries >Have just enough money to keep the house and basic American necessities (electricity., water, etc.) >We eat lots of top ramen and things that come in a can >lots of caned food from safeway and places of the sort >lf at the end of the week my dad had any money left over he'd take me out for a treat, McDonalds, Jack In The Box, Carls Jr., etc. or if i needed it clothes >didn't have much money at all so that meant a lot to me even as a little kid >My mom took alot of the stuff from the house, even beds >So my dad and I slept on a air mattress in his room and watched YouTube till we got tired and went to sleep >He had to be at work early, 3am, so he had to get up at 1:30am ish >He would set an alarm next to me so I would never be late to school >never was late >He would always pick me up in his work truck and drive me home. >be me now no one will ever love me as much as that man did. He was always there for me and did the best he could to take care of me. I just wish one day l'll be able to be as good a dad as he was. Love you dad, I miss you

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........... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/02/14(Sun)22:39:08 No.530509968 >Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >I start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.
Anonymous 02/02/14(Sun)22:39:08 No.530509968 >Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >I start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.

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Anon is denied medical care due to lack of friends | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)17:27:44 No.64584528 >>64582857 (OP) >no friends >no family >no casual acquaintances >have to extract cracked wisdom tooth >doctor says "you can't drive" >ok np, l'll get a taxi >"and no unaccompanied cabs or Uber" I'm being denied medical care for being a friendless loser. I don't know what to do.
Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)17:27:44 No.64584528 >>64582857 (OP) >no friends >no family >no casual acquaintances >have to extract cracked wisdom tooth >doctor says "you can't drive" >ok np, l'll get a taxi >"and no unaccompanied cabs or Uber" I'm being denied medical care for being a friendless loser. I don't know what to do.

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Anon visits Italy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:16:37 No.16426145 >be me >go to Italy >ask for macn cheese >they don't have it and laugh at me Has this s--- happened to anyone else? It's like foreign countries 10 KB JPG don't know how to make their own food. : Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:36:40 No.16426205 >>16426145 (OP) # (OP) That's because you didn't ask them in their own language. Next time, say "macron du fromage" >>16426226 #
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:16:37 No.16426145 >be me >go to Italy >ask for macn cheese >they don't have it and laugh at me Has this s--- happened to anyone else? It's like foreign countries 10 KB JPG don't know how to make their own food. : Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:36:40 No.16426205 >>16426145 (OP) # (OP) That's because you didn't ask them in their own language. Next time, say "macron du fromage" >>16426226 #

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:48:28 No.859077312 If you could trade 1 year off your life for $10,000, how many years in total would you trade? 613 KB PNG 15 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)21:28:06 No.859079197 >2021 years >I go back in time to just before Jesus is killed >stop the spear >hailed by everyone as the hero who saved Jesus from the Jews >ask Jesus to save me >bury the $2021 dollars and leave a note somewhere for future self. >Jesus let's me be reborn in the year 2k >invest $2021 dollars in bitcoin at launch >???? >profit
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:48:28 No.859077312 If you could trade 1 year off your life for $10,000, how many years in total would you trade? 613 KB PNG 15 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)21:28:06 No.859079197 >2021 years >I go back in time to just before Jesus is killed >stop the spear >hailed by everyone as the hero who saved Jesus from the Jews >ask Jesus to save me >bury the $2021 dollars and leave a note somewhere for future self. >Jesus let's me be reborn in the year 2k >invest $2021 dollars in bitcoin at launch >???? >profit

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Anon's getting a gaming laptop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 6PZN/860 Scamming f------ 12/17/19(Tue)15:23:09 No.223003614 Joined a bunch of t----- support groups, starting lying about being a teen in need of money for HRT. Finna boutta get a gaming laptop bros 9 KB PNG
: Anonymous (ID: 6PZN/860 Scamming f------ 12/17/19(Tue)15:23:09 No.223003614 Joined a bunch of t----- support groups, starting lying about being a teen in need of money for HRT. Finna boutta get a gaming laptop bros 9 KB PNG

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Anon is not financially responsible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Be me 10/14/19(Mon)03:30:02 No.42892771 >walking home one night >Mugger comes out of nowhere >"Give me your wallet!" 115 KB JPG >Unload my FN Five-seveN on him instead >Realize that I used 20 rounds of 5.7*28mm ammo MFW it would have been cheaper to just hand over the wallet
: Anonymous Be me 10/14/19(Mon)03:30:02 No.42892771 >walking home one night >Mugger comes out of nowhere >"Give me your wallet!" 115 KB JPG >Unload my FN Five-seveN on him instead >Realize that I used 20 rounds of 5.7*28mm ammo MFW it would have been cheaper to just hand over the wallet

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anon is not taking the vaccine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 7fjyJcNk ) O 07/06/21(Tue)18:07:35 No.329022528 >>329020999 (OP) # >door bell rings *muffled noises* >slowly lift my flabs from the table, returning all my body parts into full weight mode >the smell of 14 month old piss 59 KB JPG bottles, pizza boxes, c-- socks, tendie boxes and used tissues fill the air >make my way to the door, trying not to step into the foodrot puddles that have gathered on the floor >look through the door spyhole "Hello? Excuse me anon, this is Pam with the US Vaccine Bureau. Our records show you still have not gotten the COVID-19 vaccination. Are you available to come to the door for a moment?" >"No." >walk away from the door, back to the neet machine
: Anonymous (ID: 7fjyJcNk ) O 07/06/21(Tue)18:07:35 No.329022528 >>329020999 (OP) # >door bell rings *muffled noises* >slowly lift my flabs from the table, returning all my body parts into full weight mode >the smell of 14 month old piss 59 KB JPG bottles, pizza boxes, c-- socks, tendie boxes and used tissues fill the air >make my way to the door, trying not to step into the foodrot puddles that have gathered on the floor >look through the door spyhole "Hello? Excuse me anon, this is Pam with the US Vaccine Bureau. Our records show you still have not gotten the COVID-19 vaccination. Are you available to come to the door for a moment?" >"No." >walk away from the door, back to the neet machine

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Anon passed it off as an ugly rumour | /r/Greentext

>be me >high school >there's this autistic tard called raffi (we're talking full blown rain man s--- here) who does nothing but walk around quoting s--- from TV commercials and game shows >people say he's been caught masturbating in the washrooms several times, but i always passed it off as an ugly rumour >i'm on spare, helping out in the tard department for some extra curricular >they have a private bathroom in the tard department >i think i'm alone >nope >bathroom door opens >rain man comes out with his pants around his ankles and a vacant thousand yard stare on his face >one hand is twisted into some weird shape that looks like he's trying to air guitar one of the most difficult chords ever played by jimi hendrix >other hand is jerking his c--- furiously "SUUUUUPERMARKET SWEEEEEP!" "supermarket.." "TIP TOP TAILORS!!!" "THIS... IS... JEOPARDY!" >i start yelling for the teachers aides "Um... help! Raffi! Penis!" >teachers aide comes out from another room >ushers him into the bathroom and shuts the door >my f------ heart >my f------ BRAIN >my f------ sides
>be me >high school >there's this autistic tard called raffi (we're talking full blown rain man s--- here) who does nothing but walk around quoting s--- from TV commercials and game shows >people say he's been caught masturbating in the washrooms several times, but i always passed it off as an ugly rumour >i'm on spare, helping out in the tard department for some extra curricular >they have a private bathroom in the tard department >i think i'm alone >nope >bathroom door opens >rain man comes out with his pants around his ankles and a vacant thousand yard stare on his face >one hand is twisted into some weird shape that looks like he's trying to air guitar one of the most difficult chords ever played by jimi hendrix >other hand is jerking his c--- furiously "SUUUUUPERMARKET SWEEEEEP!" "supermarket.." "TIP TOP TAILORS!!!" "THIS... IS... JEOPARDY!" >i start yelling for the teachers aides "Um... help! Raffi! Penis!" >teachers aide comes out from another room >ushers him into the bathroom and shuts the door >my f------ heart >my f------ BRAIN >my f------ sides

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Anon finds dead deer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)11:30:03 No.47607921 Scaring childhood event thread. I'll go first: >be me >13 years ago >6th grade >on my way home from school 6 KB JPG >see dead deer on the side of the road >deer has extremely bloated stomach >want to know what's inside >get an idea on how to open it >jump on the deer >it erupts and spews rancid deer guts all over my body >it gets in my mouth and eyes causing me to vomit >l walk the rest of the way home >my mom has to rinse me off with the garden hose I sill can't eat any kind of fish without throwing up because it's reminiscent of the smell
: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)11:30:03 No.47607921 Scaring childhood event thread. I'll go first: >be me >13 years ago >6th grade >on my way home from school 6 KB JPG >see dead deer on the side of the road >deer has extremely bloated stomach >want to know what's inside >get an idea on how to open it >jump on the deer >it erupts and spews rancid deer guts all over my body >it gets in my mouth and eyes causing me to vomit >l walk the rest of the way home >my mom has to rinse me off with the garden hose I sill can't eat any kind of fish without throwing up because it's reminiscent of the smell

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Anon wish he was a kid again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)03:07:06 No.64454074 >be me 10 years ago >download some random mmorpg >never bother with doing quests or killing mobs >run around to the different areas of the world map just to explore and see cool places >sub Ivl 10 in endgame areas, die plenty of times >can just walk back to my corpse, revive and continue exploring because it was a f2p wowclone >eventually I reach the enemy faction capital >sneak around to places >having fun just by looking at the cool locations everywhere I wish I was a kid again
: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)03:07:06 No.64454074 >be me 10 years ago >download some random mmorpg >never bother with doing quests or killing mobs >run around to the different areas of the world map just to explore and see cool places >sub Ivl 10 in endgame areas, die plenty of times >can just walk back to my corpse, revive and continue exploring because it was a f2p wowclone >eventually I reach the enemy faction capital >sneak around to places >having fun just by looking at the cool locations everywhere I wish I was a kid again

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Anon recommends the indian pill | /r/Greentext

File: 47186985352_8239c13190_0.jpg (705 KB, 1367x1907) Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:06:54 No.64578760 >traditional family values >virgin until marriage >marries for life >loyal >knows how to cook >takes care of family >respects her husband >does not drink or smoke >usually doctors and engineers >normies find them ugly Why haven't you taken the Indian Pill yet?
File: 47186985352_8239c13190_0.jpg (705 KB, 1367x1907) Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)20:06:54 No.64578760 >traditional family values >virgin until marriage >marries for life >loyal >knows how to cook >takes care of family >respects her husband >does not drink or smoke >usually doctors and engineers >normies find them ugly Why haven't you taken the Indian Pill yet?

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ancient evil becomes the new moral compass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/17(Tue)13:33:16 No.52416332 >ancient evil awakens >morals and ethics have changed so much in the last 10,000 years that the ancient evil is considered pretty moderate by todays standards. >>52424597 #
: Anonymous 03/28/17(Tue)13:33:16 No.52416332 >ancient evil awakens >morals and ethics have changed so much in the last 10,000 years that the ancient evil is considered pretty moderate by todays standards. >>52424597 #

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Anon Has Ascended | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)09:17:04 No.18637368 I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING LATELY, 1625168661842.jpg 17 KB JPG >read Plato >suddenly get hidden messages from the platonic forms, shapes and colors >the circle is simple, the line is emotional, triangles smart, squares ethical, and stars are happy, >green is annoyed, yellow is giddy, blue is calm, red protects them i think i may be developing schizophrenia
: Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)09:17:04 No.18637368 I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING LATELY, 1625168661842.jpg 17 KB JPG >read Plato >suddenly get hidden messages from the platonic forms, shapes and colors >the circle is simple, the line is emotional, triangles smart, squares ethical, and stars are happy, >green is annoyed, yellow is giddy, blue is calm, red protects them i think i may be developing schizophrenia

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Anon is greek | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /Med/ pill 09/14/20(Mon)19:34:07 No.57439572 >read the Illiad and the odyssey Greeks were polytheistic and believed that the gods were immortal, but also that they had human qualities; religion became the basis for Greek mythology >decide to try living like the ancient Zea the Greeks Goddes et wd Sedteof ove tate Gadfsmas >start eating lots of lamb, vegetables, olive oil, garlic, fish >ready only Ancient Greek/Roman/Mediterranean Gof ww Cotof unterwoe Gobufany 158 KB JPG literature and philosophy >sun my balls every day >start training more compounds, especially Olympic lifts >start growing a beard >listen to meditterranean music >drink only cheap red wine >refer to myself in the 3rd person as “zorba" >lifts skyrocket >interest from women skyrockets H-------- guys why didn't you tell me this was the key to happiness
: Anonymous /Med/ pill 09/14/20(Mon)19:34:07 No.57439572 >read the Illiad and the odyssey Greeks were polytheistic and believed that the gods were immortal, but also that they had human qualities; religion became the basis for Greek mythology >decide to try living like the ancient Zea the Greeks Goddes et wd Sedteof ove tate Gadfsmas >start eating lots of lamb, vegetables, olive oil, garlic, fish >ready only Ancient Greek/Roman/Mediterranean Gof ww Cotof unterwoe Gobufany 158 KB JPG literature and philosophy >sun my balls every day >start training more compounds, especially Olympic lifts >start growing a beard >listen to meditterranean music >drink only cheap red wine >refer to myself in the 3rd person as “zorba" >lifts skyrocket >interest from women skyrockets H-------- guys why didn't you tell me this was the key to happiness

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Anon receives chocolate | /r/Greentext

File: 1626046407352.jpg (14 KB, 222x227) O Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)21:39:02 No.64581051 [Reply] >>64581064 >be me >go to the store >buy choclates >"the whole box?" ask the cashier >"the whole box" I reply >spend the day gifting chocolate to strangers >no new friends yet but I feel I'm a step closer to make a friend How whas your day? O Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)21:40:34 No.64581064 File: E8C7E2B2-662B-49E7-B78D-7(...).png (228 KB, 600x600) >>64581051 (OP) Some stranger gave me some chocolate Pretty good day
File: 1626046407352.jpg (14 KB, 222x227) O Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)21:39:02 No.64581051 [Reply] >>64581064 >be me >go to the store >buy choclates >"the whole box?" ask the cashier >"the whole box" I reply >spend the day gifting chocolate to strangers >no new friends yet but I feel I'm a step closer to make a friend How whas your day? O Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)21:40:34 No.64581064 File: E8C7E2B2-662B-49E7-B78D-7(...).png (228 KB, 600x600) >>64581051 (OP) Some stranger gave me some chocolate Pretty good day

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Anon makes a mistake | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)11:13:48 No.859050236 [Reply] >>859051707 >Incredibly hot girl invites me to her home >she wants to play Uno >midgame we start flirting >make a bet with her, first to say Uno makes the other get naked >im the first, so she gets naked >but she plays a +4 and we continue playing >we start kissing >she takes my clothes off and gives me a bj >we f--- >she asks for me to f--- her ass wow.jpeg >best sex of my life with the hottest girl ever >few min with us just laying there completely exhausted >we eventually get up and go back to our Uno match >she plays Uno reverse card >im in shock >i say there is no way >she says Uno >Last card is in her hands >its another reverse card >she plays it >im in total disbelief MFW she gets a strap-on and says "reverse card anon, you f----- my ass, now i f--- yours"
Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)11:13:48 No.859050236 [Reply] >>859051707 >Incredibly hot girl invites me to her home >she wants to play Uno >midgame we start flirting >make a bet with her, first to say Uno makes the other get naked >im the first, so she gets naked >but she plays a +4 and we continue playing >we start kissing >she takes my clothes off and gives me a bj >we f--- >she asks for me to f--- her ass wow.jpeg >best sex of my life with the hottest girl ever >few min with us just laying there completely exhausted >we eventually get up and go back to our Uno match >she plays Uno reverse card >im in shock >i say there is no way >she says Uno >Last card is in her hands >its another reverse card >she plays it >im in total disbelief MFW she gets a strap-on and says "reverse card anon, you f----- my ass, now i f--- yours"

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Anon has a fetish | /r/Greentext

File: panic.png (67 KB, 646x595) f------ flatmate Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)14:37:22 No.64575141 [ >be me >hate flatmate >she's disgusting >but too anxious to talk with her so l'm just passive aggressive >one night >see her sleeping in her room >decide to go in and watch >distgustedlook.jpg >f------ hate her so much >suddenly urge overcomes me >spit on her head >feelinggood.jpg >next night >decide to do it again >becomes a habit >every time she does somethingI don't like, go to her room at night and spit on her >today >same procedure as almost every night >spit on her >she opens her eyes >stares at me >blank stare >scared af >run out of her room and lock into our bathroom >pic rel help it's been 9 hours and I'm still in our bathroom she tried to talk to me, but I don't know about what, just ignored it she won't leave and is probably currently studying in our living room
File: panic.png (67 KB, 646x595) f------ flatmate Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)14:37:22 No.64575141 [ >be me >hate flatmate >she's disgusting >but too anxious to talk with her so l'm just passive aggressive >one night >see her sleeping in her room >decide to go in and watch >distgustedlook.jpg >f------ hate her so much >suddenly urge overcomes me >spit on her head >feelinggood.jpg >next night >decide to do it again >becomes a habit >every time she does somethingI don't like, go to her room at night and spit on her >today >same procedure as almost every night >spit on her >she opens her eyes >stares at me >blank stare >scared af >run out of her room and lock into our bathroom >pic rel help it's been 9 hours and I'm still in our bathroom she tried to talk to me, but I don't know about what, just ignored it she won't leave and is probably currently studying in our living room

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