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Anon meets alien | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/04/18(Sun)19:52:02 No.784040124 >>784038011 (OP)# >Be me >sitting in room browsing 4chan >suddenly some alien f----- walks in >scream at the top of my lungs "AYY LMAO000" 6 KB JPG >alien looks visibly distressed and confused >It tries to communicate using telepathy to signal to me that it means no harm >I grab my shot gun and tell the green f----- to bend over >r--- this bitch while I play the x files soundtrack >shoot the thing when I'm done, and then go back to browsing 4chan
: Anonymous 11/04/18(Sun)19:52:02 No.784040124 >>784038011 (OP)# >Be me >sitting in room browsing 4chan >suddenly some alien f----- walks in >scream at the top of my lungs "AYY LMAO000" 6 KB JPG >alien looks visibly distressed and confused >It tries to communicate using telepathy to signal to me that it means no harm >I grab my shot gun and tell the green f----- to bend over >r--- this bitch while I play the x files soundtrack >shoot the thing when I'm done, and then go back to browsing 4chan

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Alien Anon pays us a visit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/18(Fri)13:52:56 No.20418100 >Be Zyglonian from Quadrant 458- 365 >Come across planet covered with sentient beings and what the archives call "Water" >Observe planet, learn about its inhabitants, they seem quite 57 KB JPG intelligent >Over time learn the language they call "English" and become quite fluent >Decide to travel down to said planet in one of the largest English speaking chunks of land >l decide to try and make my presence known only to a few to not disrupt their ecosystem >Land outside what these humans call a home >l enter through a window as to not arouse suspicion, hoping I can make contact with a human alone >As I walk to the second floor, I encounter a room with a man sleeping >l do my best to gently wake him in his own environment and not startle him >The man wakes up and looks at me, for the first time I am nervous, although I watched these creatures they are quite unpredictable. >The man sits up, and just looks at me, then opens his mouth and says >AYY LMAO >Confused I ask him to repeat himself >AYY LMAO WHATCHA GONNA DO PROBE MY A------ >l have no idea what he's referring to, he suddenly takes off his pants and shows me his anus and wiggles it around >YOU CAN'T RESIST BIG BOY CMON >Stand up, realize I've made a big mistake >Suddenly he jumps up and sits at his computer, loads a Mongolian Llama herding forum and starts frantically typing a story about how he "wanted to get pounded by an ayy but he was too gay to do it lol f----- >I try to speak to him yet he tells me "f--- off space n----- if you're not going to f--- my ass then go back to your s----- asexual home world" >Turn around and get in space ship, fly off realizing that there truly is no hope for this species This appears to be the forum he was posting on, I want to make it known to you humans that this is not an appropriate way to act. Here is an image of what you call a "sad frog" which seems to be quite popular here. View Thread
: Anonymous 03/02/18(Fri)13:52:56 No.20418100 >Be Zyglonian from Quadrant 458- 365 >Come across planet covered with sentient beings and what the archives call "Water" >Observe planet, learn about its inhabitants, they seem quite 57 KB JPG intelligent >Over time learn the language they call "English" and become quite fluent >Decide to travel down to said planet in one of the largest English speaking chunks of land >l decide to try and make my presence known only to a few to not disrupt their ecosystem >Land outside what these humans call a home >l enter through a window as to not arouse suspicion, hoping I can make contact with a human alone >As I walk to the second floor, I encounter a room with a man sleeping >l do my best to gently wake him in his own environment and not startle him >The man wakes up and looks at me, for the first time I am nervous, although I watched these creatures they are quite unpredictable. >The man sits up, and just looks at me, then opens his mouth and says >AYY LMAO >Confused I ask him to repeat himself >AYY LMAO WHATCHA GONNA DO PROBE MY A------ >l have no idea what he's referring to, he suddenly takes off his pants and shows me his anus and wiggles it around >YOU CAN'T RESIST BIG BOY CMON >Stand up, realize I've made a big mistake >Suddenly he jumps up and sits at his computer, loads a Mongolian Llama herding forum and starts frantically typing a story about how he "wanted to get pounded by an ayy but he was too gay to do it lol f----- >I try to speak to him yet he tells me "f--- off space n----- if you're not going to f--- my ass then go back to your s----- asexual home world" >Turn around and get in space ship, fly off realizing that there truly is no hope for this species This appears to be the forum he was posting on, I want to make it known to you humans that this is not an appropriate way to act. Here is an image of what you call a "sad frog" which seems to be quite popular here. View Thread

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Anon is a minecrafter | /r/Greentext

cmiygl Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)09:57:07 No.104823364 >be me >am TryHardNinja, famed minecraft song maker who made the likes of Revenge and Fallen Kingdom >wake up after crying about my relevance fading quickly >see email >email says its from "tyler" >who the hell is tyler >open email >its f------ tyler the creator what the hell >email starts off very professionally like it came from a legal team >email immediately becomes as if tyler himself wrote it >they're asking to sample my song from 2013 called I Came To Dig >w-- >think its a prank but reluctantly accept anyways whats the worst that could happen >months past, tyler's new album releases >get to LEMONHEAD >hear sample >collapse out of shock
cmiygl Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)09:57:07 No.104823364 >be me >am TryHardNinja, famed minecraft song maker who made the likes of Revenge and Fallen Kingdom >wake up after crying about my relevance fading quickly >see email >email says its from "tyler" >who the hell is tyler >open email >its f------ tyler the creator what the hell >email starts off very professionally like it came from a legal team >email immediately becomes as if tyler himself wrote it >they're asking to sample my song from 2013 called I Came To Dig >w-- >think its a prank but reluctantly accept anyways whats the worst that could happen >months past, tyler's new album releases >get to LEMONHEAD >hear sample >collapse out of shock

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Anon hates vegans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/11/21(Sun)12:28:58 No.3861542 >>3861531 # vegans don't want a better world for the things that matter (other people). they will gladly subsist off exploitative third world labor and imported foods if it means not eating a f------ egg, because >i dont care if its cage free you are traumatizing and abusing the poor chicken by stealing its babies! >meanwhile, in chicken brain: baaaawk bawk- bawk-bawk baaaaaaawk bagawk *eats bug* >>3862013 # >>3862253 # >>3862325 #
: Anonymous 07/11/21(Sun)12:28:58 No.3861542 >>3861531 # vegans don't want a better world for the things that matter (other people). they will gladly subsist off exploitative third world labor and imported foods if it means not eating a f------ egg, because >i dont care if its cage free you are traumatizing and abusing the poor chicken by stealing its babies! >meanwhile, in chicken brain: baaaawk bawk- bawk-bawk baaaaaaawk bagawk *eats bug* >>3862013 # >>3862253 # >>3862325 #

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Anon gets a pet spider | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)00:13:38 No.859177384 >Be me >Living with my S------- Brother >Tries to constantly up my Rent >F------ have to work nearly three jobs to even have some money left over for me. >Not important to the story tho >Live downstairs like the weird fat 27 KB JPG goblin I am. >Notice a spider has been living down here >Has her web up in a corner of the basement >lot of bugs in her web >good job spider >every few days I check up on her >always has new bugs in her web >probably the happiest f------ spider there is making this much bank >no bugs bother me >few days go by >check on Spider >shes not there >Think she's just off getting spider d--- or something >another few days go by, no sign >maybe she moved >few days later I'm asked to check on the mouse traps, see if we caught anything >check the corner where the spider used to live cause one was put there >They're sticky glue traps cause f--- mice >Look at glue trap >see a small spec in the corner of it >look closer >it's her, the spider I've grown to care for >she's dried up and isn't moving >mfw I can't help her in anyway without crushing her
: Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)00:13:38 No.859177384 >Be me >Living with my S------- Brother >Tries to constantly up my Rent >F------ have to work nearly three jobs to even have some money left over for me. >Not important to the story tho >Live downstairs like the weird fat 27 KB JPG goblin I am. >Notice a spider has been living down here >Has her web up in a corner of the basement >lot of bugs in her web >good job spider >every few days I check up on her >always has new bugs in her web >probably the happiest f------ spider there is making this much bank >no bugs bother me >few days go by >check on Spider >shes not there >Think she's just off getting spider d--- or something >another few days go by, no sign >maybe she moved >few days later I'm asked to check on the mouse traps, see if we caught anything >check the corner where the spider used to live cause one was put there >They're sticky glue traps cause f--- mice >Look at glue trap >see a small spec in the corner of it >look closer >it's her, the spider I've grown to care for >she's dried up and isn't moving >mfw I can't help her in anyway without crushing her

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Anon is critical of Hitler | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/03/19(Tue)00:12:03 No.718566 >Literally have a general named France Holder >Don't use him to hold France God, Hitler was a dumbass 40 KB JPG
: Anonymous 09/03/19(Tue)00:12:03 No.718566 >Literally have a general named France Holder >Don't use him to hold France God, Hitler was a dumbass 40 KB JPG

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Anon Gets an Ultimatum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)18:17:34 No.64598339 >mom said if I wet the bed again she's making me wear diapers to bed kill me 912 KB GIF
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)18:17:34 No.64598339 >mom said if I wet the bed again she's making me wear diapers to bed kill me 912 KB GIF

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Anon tries small talk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)00:53:41 No.64607592 >eavesdrop on girl at work >overhear she likes to write >quite literally walk into her months later and headbutt her boob >have to say something or i look like an idiot 51 KB JPG >stutter while saying "hey you write?" >"how...do you know that?" >customer standing behind her looks me straight in the eyes and starts making weird faces >tell her i heard her talking about it >there's a pause with no response >i turn around and start walking as fast i can in the opposite direction >the customer darts in front of me like he's going to ask a question but he just circles around me and leaves >don't even like the girl. just wanted to know what she writes but could never find a moment to ask her. do you think she'll tell me about what she writes?
: Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)00:53:41 No.64607592 >eavesdrop on girl at work >overhear she likes to write >quite literally walk into her months later and headbutt her boob >have to say something or i look like an idiot 51 KB JPG >stutter while saying "hey you write?" >"how...do you know that?" >customer standing behind her looks me straight in the eyes and starts making weird faces >tell her i heard her talking about it >there's a pause with no response >i turn around and start walking as fast i can in the opposite direction >the customer darts in front of me like he's going to ask a question but he just circles around me and leaves >don't even like the girl. just wanted to know what she writes but could never find a moment to ask her. do you think she'll tell me about what she writes?

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anon took the first step | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)05:27:50 No.20417197 >>20417219 >>20417260>>20420589 >>20416272 easier than it looks, they are very high quality toys, very comfortable material >be me >invited to costume party >adult party, theme is tv characters >plan on being bojack horseman >got the proper clothes and a horse mask painted to match the character >buy a large horse dildo from bad dragon to stuff into my jeans >plan is to whip it out' when someone makes a horse d--- joke >party is cancelled because pandemic >trapped in my house for months >boredom and curiosity take over >try to put it in my ass >its f------ huge there's no goddamn way >lube and drunken determination >h-------- i got the head in >everything after that is easy >wow this doesnt hurt, no pleasure but no pain >eventually work my way down to the balls >surprisingly comfortable, still no pleasure though >why do people do this if theres no pleasure >also why am i so good at this >welp theres something new i know about myself
O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)05:27:50 No.20417197 >>20417219 >>20417260>>20420589 >>20416272 easier than it looks, they are very high quality toys, very comfortable material >be me >invited to costume party >adult party, theme is tv characters >plan on being bojack horseman >got the proper clothes and a horse mask painted to match the character >buy a large horse dildo from bad dragon to stuff into my jeans >plan is to whip it out' when someone makes a horse d--- joke >party is cancelled because pandemic >trapped in my house for months >boredom and curiosity take over >try to put it in my ass >its f------ huge there's no goddamn way >lube and drunken determination >h-------- i got the head in >everything after that is easy >wow this doesnt hurt, no pleasure but no pain >eventually work my way down to the balls >surprisingly comfortable, still no pleasure though >why do people do this if theres no pleasure >also why am i so good at this >welp theres something new i know about myself

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Anon’s new chair | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Times You S--- Yourself As An (...) 07/17/21(Sat)08:06:04 No.64600437 >Be me >2019 >Only s--- myself 2x as an adult >Just bought myself an aeron for back problems >Friend calls me and asks for tape 24 KB JPG deck repair advice >"Take that pinch roller and-" >Get urge to cough >Most pathetic gust of air ever comes out of my mouth I cannot stress this enough. It was barely audible with no force >A------ takes this as the all clear and immediately gapes >A fountain of diarrhea falls out of my ass >My entire colon emptied its liquidious mass onto my new chair >Dont even realize I s--- myself at first, it takes a second to process >Hear dripping >Stand up, wet cheeks >Oh god >Chair seat is brown >Look under seat pan >The mechanisms underneath are dripping rivers of s--- off of every corner, especially down the slightly angled front It was almost graceful, like an anus waterfall, if not for the smell >The airy mesh of the aeron was serving as a fecal sieve, allowing a steady stream of ill-solid s--- to pour through >It took me 2 hours to clean my chair and it was never the same
: Anonymous Times You S--- Yourself As An (...) 07/17/21(Sat)08:06:04 No.64600437 >Be me >2019 >Only s--- myself 2x as an adult >Just bought myself an aeron for back problems >Friend calls me and asks for tape 24 KB JPG deck repair advice >"Take that pinch roller and-" >Get urge to cough >Most pathetic gust of air ever comes out of my mouth I cannot stress this enough. It was barely audible with no force >A------ takes this as the all clear and immediately gapes >A fountain of diarrhea falls out of my ass >My entire colon emptied its liquidious mass onto my new chair >Dont even realize I s--- myself at first, it takes a second to process >Hear dripping >Stand up, wet cheeks >Oh god >Chair seat is brown >Look under seat pan >The mechanisms underneath are dripping rivers of s--- off of every corner, especially down the slightly angled front It was almost graceful, like an anus waterfall, if not for the smell >The airy mesh of the aeron was serving as a fecal sieve, allowing a steady stream of ill-solid s--- to pour through >It took me 2 hours to clean my chair and it was never the same

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anon saw a frog today | /r/Greentext

File: zWila8fBa3w.jpg (218 KB, 1266x1688) O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)20:22:17 No.64611163 [Reply] >>64611548 >be me >saw frog today >be you >didn't see a frog today Must suck 1 reply omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)20:51:36 No.64611516 >> i've seen frogs before. they're cool, and i'm glad you saw one. BUT there's no need to be rude, there will be days where I will see a frog and you won't. We should just be grateful that we get to see these wonderful creatures at all.
File: zWila8fBa3w.jpg (218 KB, 1266x1688) O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)20:22:17 No.64611163 [Reply] >>64611548 >be me >saw frog today >be you >didn't see a frog today Must suck 1 reply omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)20:51:36 No.64611516 >> i've seen frogs before. they're cool, and i'm glad you saw one. BUT there's no need to be rude, there will be days where I will see a frog and you won't. We should just be grateful that we get to see these wonderful creatures at all.

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Anon is Russia | /r/Greentext

File: Flag-Russia.jpg (29 KB, 800x536) Anonymous (ID: TYM8HPK )I07/17/21(Sat)23:04:29 No.13139965 ► > be russia > eat all of eastern europe > refuse to elaborate > leave but give them awful s----- new borders that will cause trouble in the future
File: Flag-Russia.jpg (29 KB, 800x536) Anonymous (ID: TYM8HPK )I07/17/21(Sat)23:04:29 No.13139965 ► > be russia > eat all of eastern europe > refuse to elaborate > leave but give them awful s----- new borders that will cause trouble in the future

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One man’s junk is another man’s treasure | /r/Greentext

File: AE797C1D-A91D-4653-89D0-0(...).jpg (987 KB, 1284x1245) O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:05:10 No.859168976 [Reply] >>859170237 >be me >grocery shopping >some lady tell me my zipper is down >lady was looking at my junk >get f----- virgins >> Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:19:29 No.859169526 >> Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:41:46 No.859170237
File: AE797C1D-A91D-4653-89D0-0(...).jpg (987 KB, 1284x1245) O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:05:10 No.859168976 [Reply] >>859170237 >be me >grocery shopping >some lady tell me my zipper is down >lady was looking at my junk >get f----- virgins >> Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:19:29 No.859169526 >> Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:41:46 No.859170237

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Anon becomes a capitalist overlord | /r/Greentext


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anon became a chad by being a cuck | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 43154231 Il y a 3 h ... >be me >normal guy. Right wing libertarian >bear the curse of one of the worlds worst fetishes >cant help it but oh well. >hard to find a gf (nothing to do with fetish) >eventually get an average girl, we dont have much in common but im so happy to finally have someone >shes not really into sex much >one day im drunk and i tell her about my secret fetish >i like cuckolding >she thinks its really weird and not her thing >fair enough, im happy anyway >pretty much never mention it again >month or so later we have argument and break up. Shes really mad and wants to get back at me by announcing to everyone via facebook that im a wierdo sexual deviant and want to watch other men f--- my girl >im hugely embarrased. I never wanted anyone else to ever find out 1,1 MB JPG >consider suicide >suddenly start getting a few random girls messaging me asking whats up >its never happend before >i immidiately think its because theyre laughing at my fetish >embarrassed >they are being really nice to me and continue to talk to them for more than a couple days, which means they werent just taking the piss with their friends i guess >go on multiple dates >they all really want a cuckold relationship >i literally just became a chad by being a cuck >feelsgoodman.jpg >been in a relationship with a girl whos way too good for me for about 2 months so far >we share a lot of interests >couldnt be happier Thanks for reading my blog 15 REPLIES 6 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous 43154231 Il y a 3 h ... >be me >normal guy. Right wing libertarian >bear the curse of one of the worlds worst fetishes >cant help it but oh well. >hard to find a gf (nothing to do with fetish) >eventually get an average girl, we dont have much in common but im so happy to finally have someone >shes not really into sex much >one day im drunk and i tell her about my secret fetish >i like cuckolding >she thinks its really weird and not her thing >fair enough, im happy anyway >pretty much never mention it again >month or so later we have argument and break up. Shes really mad and wants to get back at me by announcing to everyone via facebook that im a wierdo sexual deviant and want to watch other men f--- my girl >im hugely embarrased. I never wanted anyone else to ever find out 1,1 MB JPG >consider suicide >suddenly start getting a few random girls messaging me asking whats up >its never happend before >i immidiately think its because theyre laughing at my fetish >embarrassed >they are being really nice to me and continue to talk to them for more than a couple days, which means they werent just taking the piss with their friends i guess >go on multiple dates >they all really want a cuckold relationship >i literally just became a chad by being a cuck >feelsgoodman.jpg >been in a relationship with a girl whos way too good for me for about 2 months so far >we share a lot of interests >couldnt be happier Thanks for reading my blog 15 REPLIES 6 IMAGES REPLY

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wtf is wrong with anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/18(Mon)13:09:35 No.43157177 >go to mcslaves >ask for bigmac with cheese. >get meal, sit down for a minute >everything is in order >stand back up and go back to wagie that served me. 267 KB PNG >ask him what the f--- he was thinking and demand to speak to manager >wagie is visibly scared but calls them over. >tell manager that I specifically asked for bigmac without milk as I am very allergic to dairy. >manager is fuming at wagie. >told manager that wagie laughed when he gave me order. >Manager offered to pay for my meal but I insisted that I pay for it. >manager demands wagie go to his office. >I can hear shouting as I leave. Today was good.
: Anonymous 02/12/18(Mon)13:09:35 No.43157177 >go to mcslaves >ask for bigmac with cheese. >get meal, sit down for a minute >everything is in order >stand back up and go back to wagie that served me. 267 KB PNG >ask him what the f--- he was thinking and demand to speak to manager >wagie is visibly scared but calls them over. >tell manager that I specifically asked for bigmac without milk as I am very allergic to dairy. >manager is fuming at wagie. >told manager that wagie laughed when he gave me order. >Manager offered to pay for my meal but I insisted that I pay for it. >manager demands wagie go to his office. >I can hear shouting as I leave. Today was good.

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Anon feels nostalgic | /r/Greentext

No.859189496 16 minutes ago oh.jpg JPG 103.7 KiB 463x375 >watch show >two characters have crushes on each other >"haha I remember when I had a crush" >that was 7 years ago >i miss that feeling >oh.jpg
No.859189496 16 minutes ago oh.jpg JPG 103.7 KiB 463x375 >watch show >two characters have crushes on each other >"haha I remember when I had a crush" >that was 7 years ago >i miss that feeling >oh.jpg

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Anon was outraged | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:36:55 No.153753695 1626497257478.jpg 217 KB JPG >wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the cinema : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:46:21 No.153754047 you turned 360 degrees you'd still be facing the cinema.
: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:36:55 No.153753695 1626497257478.jpg 217 KB JPG >wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the cinema : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:46:21 No.153754047 you turned 360 degrees you'd still be facing the cinema.

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Anon is a rooster chad | /r/Greentext

Rooster learns its place in the universe Rooster learns its place in th(...) 07/17/21(Sat)11:02:17 No.3867769 >be me >putting out old tortilla scraps to feed to my subjects >they are grateful before their god, the eggs will be bountiful this moon >take a break from providing for my helpless worshippers to pee 170 KB PNG >cocky alpha rooster attempts to challenge its god >strikes at me with its foot >does nothing, like a little bitch, only able to get dirt and chicken s--- on my shoe >ohshit.jpg >stands tall, intimidating it with my godlike aura, and terrifies the puny mortal by kicking the air near it >runs in fear to the other chickens, who laugh at its godlessness >demoted to beta >as it's running towards them I throw a stick at it, which strikes, further humiliating beta rooster >leave I am a merciful god, but when my authority is disrespected, my subjects will know my wrath.
Rooster learns its place in the universe Rooster learns its place in th(...) 07/17/21(Sat)11:02:17 No.3867769 >be me >putting out old tortilla scraps to feed to my subjects >they are grateful before their god, the eggs will be bountiful this moon >take a break from providing for my helpless worshippers to pee 170 KB PNG >cocky alpha rooster attempts to challenge its god >strikes at me with its foot >does nothing, like a little bitch, only able to get dirt and chicken s--- on my shoe >ohshit.jpg >stands tall, intimidating it with my godlike aura, and terrifies the puny mortal by kicking the air near it >runs in fear to the other chickens, who laugh at its godlessness >demoted to beta >as it's running towards them I throw a stick at it, which strikes, further humiliating beta rooster >leave I am a merciful god, but when my authority is disrespected, my subjects will know my wrath.

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Anon munches chips | /r/Greentext

File: 20210420_194958.jpg (283 KB, 960x1792) O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)02:16:16 No.859153260 >be me >last week BIC >eating chips, stoned playing minecraft >chomp >bite my cheek, a f------ chunk is missing >blood fills my mouth, i go to the sink to rinse >fast forward >bite looks gross, lots of swelling >cant talk >cant eat >no insurance/ american >pic unrelated Flick
File: 20210420_194958.jpg (283 KB, 960x1792) O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)02:16:16 No.859153260 >be me >last week BIC >eating chips, stoned playing minecraft >chomp >bite my cheek, a f------ chunk is missing >blood fills my mouth, i go to the sink to rinse >fast forward >bite looks gross, lots of swelling >cant talk >cant eat >no insurance/ american >pic unrelated Flick

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