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Anon stomps his ramen | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)15:13:48 No.859305182 > be me > 30y male > married for some years now > Wife won't get preggo > See doctors and s--- > Gettyimages_doctor.jpg > Live in country with universal healthcare 35 KB JPG > Still not covering fertility therapies > Pay shitload of money > Docs say wife has some problems with her Jayjay, makes it harder to get dem belly but still possible > My turn now > Go to fertility clinic > granny Nurse navigating me to j------- chamber > It's literally like a f------ wardrobe > Walls so thin I hear other pals beating there Johnsons at north, west, east > Nurse hands me plastic cup, instructs me to put it on a kinda service hatch in a corner > Nym > Do the duty, serve my Pete, wank the comrade, full deplete > Carefully groan, kinda enjoyed it > "Hell yeah".ogg > Waddle over to the hatch, balancing my cumcup > Put it on the small board, pants still down > THANKS.wav > Wut > Turn around > See nurse sitting at the other side of the hatch, reading a book > I just stomped my ramen while she sat two metres away > MFW when nurse heard me going "Hell yeah" after closing xhamster tabs on my phone > MFW I paid for that s--- Yo lads, turned out my semen is crippled. I literally have a very tiny amount of sperm cells in my c--. Sucks.
Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)15:13:48 No.859305182 > be me > 30y male > married for some years now > Wife won't get preggo > See doctors and s--- > Gettyimages_doctor.jpg > Live in country with universal healthcare 35 KB JPG > Still not covering fertility therapies > Pay shitload of money > Docs say wife has some problems with her Jayjay, makes it harder to get dem belly but still possible > My turn now > Go to fertility clinic > granny Nurse navigating me to j------- chamber > It's literally like a f------ wardrobe > Walls so thin I hear other pals beating there Johnsons at north, west, east > Nurse hands me plastic cup, instructs me to put it on a kinda service hatch in a corner > Nym > Do the duty, serve my Pete, wank the comrade, full deplete > Carefully groan, kinda enjoyed it > "Hell yeah".ogg > Waddle over to the hatch, balancing my cumcup > Put it on the small board, pants still down > THANKS.wav > Wut > Turn around > See nurse sitting at the other side of the hatch, reading a book > I just stomped my ramen while she sat two metres away > MFW when nurse heard me going "Hell yeah" after closing xhamster tabs on my phone > MFW I paid for that s--- Yo lads, turned out my semen is crippled. I literally have a very tiny amount of sperm cells in my c--. Sucks.

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

>wondering how a word is pronounced >go to YouTube for a quick answer >click on most viewed result >cringy intro > "To AnSwEr ThAt QuEsTiOn wE nEeD To Go BaCk tO tHe JuRaSslc ErA" 176 KB JPG why
>wondering how a word is pronounced >go to YouTube for a quick answer >click on most viewed result >cringy intro > "To AnSwEr ThAt QuEsTiOn wE nEeD To Go BaCk tO tHe JuRaSslc ErA" 176 KB JPG why

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Anon isn't a fattie | /r/Greentext

File: d8og2uv-96b2cc0d-9281-4f3(...).jpg (39 KB, 640x818) O fatties btfo Anonymous > Eat only when hungry > Thin Literally this easy.
File: d8og2uv-96b2cc0d-9281-4f3(...).jpg (39 KB, 640x818) O fatties btfo Anonymous > Eat only when hungry > Thin Literally this easy.

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anon needs to take it easy | /r/Greentext

File: 77.jpg (22 KB, 640x360) Anonymous 07/19/21 (Mon)16:32:17 No.859292075 >>859292191 >859292931 >>8592 >having too many dreams where I'm drowning lately >in one of them, I had sleep paralysis >but couldn't breathe too (nose closed) >still could see myself in the dream drowning, and couldn't move my body >so I was literally drowning what the f--- is going on with me? is my subconscious secretly trying to kill me? Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)16:34:48 No.859292191 >>859293115 >>859292075 (OP) No it's a sign you're in over your head with stress. Your f------ your life up and your brain is trying to warn you.
File: 77.jpg (22 KB, 640x360) Anonymous 07/19/21 (Mon)16:32:17 No.859292075 >>859292191 >859292931 >>8592 >having too many dreams where I'm drowning lately >in one of them, I had sleep paralysis >but couldn't breathe too (nose closed) >still could see myself in the dream drowning, and couldn't move my body >so I was literally drowning what the f--- is going on with me? is my subconscious secretly trying to kill me? Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)16:34:48 No.859292191 >>859293115 >>859292075 (OP) No it's a sign you're in over your head with stress. Your f------ your life up and your brain is trying to warn you.

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mongol pilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous MONGOL PILL 07/17/21(Sat)15:06:28 No.62616373 MongolChad.jpg 10 KB JPG >The Mongols consumed a steady diet of meat, milk, yogurt, and other dairy products, and they fought men who lived on gruel made from various grains. The grain diet of the peasant warriors stunted their bones, rotted their teeth, and left them weak and prone to disease. Why haven't you taken the mongol pill yet /fit/?
: Anonymous MONGOL PILL 07/17/21(Sat)15:06:28 No.62616373 MongolChad.jpg 10 KB JPG >The Mongols consumed a steady diet of meat, milk, yogurt, and other dairy products, and they fought men who lived on gruel made from various grains. The grain diet of the peasant warriors stunted their bones, rotted their teeth, and left them weak and prone to disease. Why haven't you taken the mongol pill yet /fit/?

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Anon participates in karaoke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)10:48:15 No.104855301 1617558900812.jpg 545 KB JPG >school decides to randomly have karaoke during lunch >friends tell me i should go up there and do it for the one time >i know they want me to make a fool of myself but i say f--- it and go up there >choose heaven knows im miserable know, a song i know the lyrics to like the back of my hand >don't even look at the screen just stare at everyone while my gorgeous pipes do the work >hit the falsettos like a god >everyone goes crazy >girls get visibly moist >gays get visibly moist in this moment i am morrissey >>104855856 # >>104855976 # >>104856526 #
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)10:48:15 No.104855301 1617558900812.jpg 545 KB JPG >school decides to randomly have karaoke during lunch >friends tell me i should go up there and do it for the one time >i know they want me to make a fool of myself but i say f--- it and go up there >choose heaven knows im miserable know, a song i know the lyrics to like the back of my hand >don't even look at the screen just stare at everyone while my gorgeous pipes do the work >hit the falsettos like a god >everyone goes crazy >girls get visibly moist >gays get visibly moist in this moment i am morrissey >>104855856 # >>104855976 # >>104856526 #

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Anon's baby eaten by dingo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)00:54:13 No.859271505 > me, 19 m AU > at funeral > mom's friend died, didgeridoo impalement through the mouth > open casket > picturerelated.jpg 118 KB JPG > priest plays Always Look on the Bright Side of Life on accordion before burial > imitation crocodile strap busts, accordion hits moms friend in head > Goliath spider babies stream out, apparently made nest in her head > forgotmyshotgunathome.jpg > luckily the rest of the family starts shooting > Goliath spider on the barbie tonight > Triple funeral next Sunday for my three uncles > jellyfish stings, separate incidents, various species involved > promise my ma that I won't forget my shotgun next time > mymouthwheniseethosevegemitecovered spiders.jpg
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)00:54:13 No.859271505 > me, 19 m AU > at funeral > mom's friend died, didgeridoo impalement through the mouth > open casket > picturerelated.jpg 118 KB JPG > priest plays Always Look on the Bright Side of Life on accordion before burial > imitation crocodile strap busts, accordion hits moms friend in head > Goliath spider babies stream out, apparently made nest in her head > forgotmyshotgunathome.jpg > luckily the rest of the family starts shooting > Goliath spider on the barbie tonight > Triple funeral next Sunday for my three uncles > jellyfish stings, separate incidents, various species involved > promise my ma that I won't forget my shotgun next time > mymouthwheniseethosevegemitecovered spiders.jpg

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Black Hole Son | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)12:45:33 No.64631388 >Today >Be at construction job >F------ s--- up >Boss yells at me in front of everyone >"Anon, what the f--- is your 39 KB JPG problem?" >Tell him my son died >"Oh, I'm so sorry" >I don't have a son >Don't know why I said that >Walk off the job >Planning on never coming back >Already looking at apartments in another state Welp, that's $30/hr down the drain
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)12:45:33 No.64631388 >Today >Be at construction job >F------ s--- up >Boss yells at me in front of everyone >"Anon, what the f--- is your 39 KB JPG problem?" >Tell him my son died >"Oh, I'm so sorry" >I don't have a son >Don't know why I said that >Walk off the job >Planning on never coming back >Already looking at apartments in another state Welp, that's $30/hr down the drain

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Anon is female | /r/Greentext

File: Standard-properties-of-th(...).png (129 KB, 720x561) What's the point of lifting if you're a female? Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)16:30:03 te >be me >wants to be powerful >wants to be useful >wants to be good leader >wants to be to be strong tw ww.. >wants to be self-sufficient >is born a w*man why did i have to be cursed with this pathetic biology? 77 replies and 15 images omitted. Click here to view.
File: Standard-properties-of-th(...).png (129 KB, 720x561) What's the point of lifting if you're a female? Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)16:30:03 te >be me >wants to be powerful >wants to be useful >wants to be good leader >wants to be to be strong tw ww.. >wants to be self-sufficient >is born a w*man why did i have to be cursed with this pathetic biology? 77 replies and 15 images omitted. Click here to view.

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Anon Gets a Compliment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)18:00:24 No.64598181 >Constantly get told by female customers at work that I look exactly like Ed Sheeran >No idea who that is >Google it >Find out he's a famous musician who is loved by women >F--- yeah 9 KB JPG >Also find out he's ugly as f--- >lf he wasn't famous he'd be a loser like me >F--- this It's like the monkey's paw. "I wish I had the looks of a famous male musician who all the girls love" and I get this.
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)18:00:24 No.64598181 >Constantly get told by female customers at work that I look exactly like Ed Sheeran >No idea who that is >Google it >Find out he's a famous musician who is loved by women >F--- yeah 9 KB JPG >Also find out he's ugly as f--- >lf he wasn't famous he'd be a loser like me >F--- this It's like the monkey's paw. "I wish I had the looks of a famous male musician who all the girls love" and I get this.

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)18:57:51 No.859255412 ► > be me > skinny beta noodleboy trying to work out at the gym and be less of a soycuck > not getting results > day after day, I see chads and giga s pumping hundreds of pounds like the bar is made of f------ cardboard > get demoralized > decide to ask the jojo pillarmen looking dudes what their secret is > they suggest all kinds of wild protein powders and supplements >i look them up on google to see w-- i'm supposed to be putting in my body, like, are these secretly roids or something > literally nothing but soy > 100% pure soy > soy f------ everywhere > these dudes have grown to the size of a small pickup truck by eating almost nothing but soy mfw Alex Jones is a lying f-----
O Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)18:57:51 No.859255412 ► > be me > skinny beta noodleboy trying to work out at the gym and be less of a soycuck > not getting results > day after day, I see chads and giga s pumping hundreds of pounds like the bar is made of f------ cardboard > get demoralized > decide to ask the jojo pillarmen looking dudes what their secret is > they suggest all kinds of wild protein powders and supplements >i look them up on google to see w-- i'm supposed to be putting in my body, like, are these secretly roids or something > literally nothing but soy > 100% pure soy > soy f------ everywhere > these dudes have grown to the size of a small pickup truck by eating almost nothing but soy mfw Alex Jones is a lying f-----

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Anon is having a PTSD attack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)16:18:55 No.64629801 >Be straight male >Cocklust is coming back F---, how do I make this stop? 27 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)16:18:55 No.64629801 >Be straight male >Cocklust is coming back F---, how do I make this stop? 27 KB JPG

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Anon flashes his co-workers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)19:09:41 No.64536989 >new guy a tech firm >in online company meeting >meeting is useless and boring as f--- so just coding during it with my mic and camera turned off >urge to take a piss >can't be bothered to go to toilet >drink the rest of my water bottle, put out my c-------- and start pissing in the bottle 265 KB PNG >sit back down >10 minutes later check the meeting >realise my camera was on the entire time I'm trying to figure out now whether my d--- would've been visible on camera for 200+ people to see while pissing in the bottle If so, then I am literally going to kill myself, I can't live with this shame. This is my first job and just spent 20,00GBP on clothes, a new car and a mortgage etc etc, I have almost no savings : Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)19:11:18 No.64537004 >>64536989 (OP) # 20k GBP* so like 25-30KUSD for burgerlanders >>64537089 #
: Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)19:09:41 No.64536989 >new guy a tech firm >in online company meeting >meeting is useless and boring as f--- so just coding during it with my mic and camera turned off >urge to take a piss >can't be bothered to go to toilet >drink the rest of my water bottle, put out my c-------- and start pissing in the bottle 265 KB PNG >sit back down >10 minutes later check the meeting >realise my camera was on the entire time I'm trying to figure out now whether my d--- would've been visible on camera for 200+ people to see while pissing in the bottle If so, then I am literally going to kill myself, I can't live with this shame. This is my first job and just spent 20,00GBP on clothes, a new car and a mortgage etc etc, I have almost no savings : Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)19:11:18 No.64537004 >>64536989 (OP) # 20k GBP* so like 25-30KUSD for burgerlanders >>64537089 #

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Anon lives an interesting life | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 07/08/21(Thu)08:58:43 No.64483142 >be introverted male >automatically lose at life col 51 KB JPG
| Anonymous 07/08/21(Thu)08:58:43 No.64483142 >be introverted male >automatically lose at life col 51 KB JPG

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Enlighted anon | /r/Greentext

File: ZB19gbmd5x-4.png (19 KB, 300x250) O Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)14:18:17 No.859280144 > Be me > Be Pirate > Pirating movies since childhood > Finally decide to buy a Netflix subscription > starts using it feels no difference > mfw i realize i am paying for that skip intro button.
File: ZB19gbmd5x-4.png (19 KB, 300x250) O Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)14:18:17 No.859280144 > Be me > Be Pirate > Pirating movies since childhood > Finally decide to buy a Netflix subscription > starts using it feels no difference > mfw i realize i am paying for that skip intro button.

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Anon moved to Japan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)23:33:34 No.859289721 >be me >watching lots of anime because quarantine >decided that I want to live in Japan >ffw 10 years >finally move to Japan 14 KB JPG >have shower >looking in mirror >all I see is blurred pixels between my legs >mfw Japan is literally China when it comes to censorship
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)23:33:34 No.859289721 >be me >watching lots of anime because quarantine >decided that I want to live in Japan >ffw 10 years >finally move to Japan 14 KB JPG >have shower >looking in mirror >all I see is blurred pixels between my legs >mfw Japan is literally China when it comes to censorship

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Anon will do anything for his best broo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/18(Fri)01:08:51 No.48912327 >be me >like this girl >make it instantly known to best bro >realize a couple days later that he has liked for longer than I >realize he would is giving the 8 KB JPG shot to me >days to by, girl makes move on best bro >he looks to me >l give him the go >hurts, but I know my best bro will be happy did I do good?
: Anonymous 10/26/18(Fri)01:08:51 No.48912327 >be me >like this girl >make it instantly known to best bro >realize a couple days later that he has liked for longer than I >realize he would is giving the 8 KB JPG shot to me >days to by, girl makes move on best bro >he looks to me >l give him the go >hurts, but I know my best bro will be happy did I do good?

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Anon reconnects with his crush | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)13:26:45 No.859285379 >Graduated high school 6 years ago >Haven't spoken to my high school crush since BORN TO COO0OM >Check her Instagram every day >She has it on private and I can't see anything >Check today >lt's set to public 109 KB JPG >Screenshot every photo >Check back a couple hours later >It's set back to private mfw I can bust to her photos again Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)13:28:02 No 859285423
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)13:26:45 No.859285379 >Graduated high school 6 years ago >Haven't spoken to my high school crush since BORN TO COO0OM >Check her Instagram every day >She has it on private and I can't see anything >Check today >lt's set to public 109 KB JPG >Screenshot every photo >Check back a couple hours later >It's set back to private mfw I can bust to her photos again Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)13:28:02 No 859285423

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Anon is not a khv | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)09:31:49 No.64627249 >32 >never had sex >coomed over 15,000 loads since I started at age 14 Can you really call me a virgin? There's nothing 'pure' about me, and I've seen more (pictures and videos of) vaginas than anyone. 65 KB PNG 25 Replies / 11 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)09:31:49 No.64627249 >32 >never had sex >coomed over 15,000 loads since I started at age 14 Can you really call me a virgin? There's nothing 'pure' about me, and I've seen more (pictures and videos of) vaginas than anyone. 65 KB PNG 25 Replies / 11 Images View Thread

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Anon feels important | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous What's some autistic stuff you...) 07/19/21(Mon)06:44:33 No.64626471 What autistic stuff do you do to feel a little important/like you matter? I'll start >Be me >Be in geology class >Sitting in front, taking notes, trying to 735 KB PNG ignore loud retards behind me >Teacher starts to talk about rivers >Talks about how rivers slowly carve through ground over thousands of years >Shape of these rivers determined by ground and rocks and stuff that determine where the water goes >Get idea >After a few days go with hike with my mom >We end up by a river >Move around some of the big rocks into the river, out of the river, whatever just move around the rocks >l just changed the trajectory of the river by moving some rocks >Maybe by only a little bit but I just changed something forever >Feel a little important >Do this for almost every river I come across >Feel a little important every time It probably doesn't even change anything but it feels nice to think I changed something for a little while. You guys do anything? : Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)06:45:24 No.64626477 thats pretty cute OP
: Anonymous What's some autistic stuff you...) 07/19/21(Mon)06:44:33 No.64626471 What autistic stuff do you do to feel a little important/like you matter? I'll start >Be me >Be in geology class >Sitting in front, taking notes, trying to 735 KB PNG ignore loud retards behind me >Teacher starts to talk about rivers >Talks about how rivers slowly carve through ground over thousands of years >Shape of these rivers determined by ground and rocks and stuff that determine where the water goes >Get idea >After a few days go with hike with my mom >We end up by a river >Move around some of the big rocks into the river, out of the river, whatever just move around the rocks >l just changed the trajectory of the river by moving some rocks >Maybe by only a little bit but I just changed something forever >Feel a little important >Do this for almost every river I come across >Feel a little important every time It probably doesn't even change anything but it feels nice to think I changed something for a little while. You guys do anything? : Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)06:45:24 No.64626477 thats pretty cute OP

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