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Anon watches a video | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/05/19(Thu)17:26:24 No.73868948 >be a large company >have an idea >"what if we made top ten videos, people love top ten videos!" >put little to no effort into top ten video watchmojo >be universally hated >be YouTube after releasing the 16 KB PNG 2019 YouTube Rewind pic unrelated
: Anonymous 12/05/19(Thu)17:26:24 No.73868948 >be a large company >have an idea >"what if we made top ten videos, people love top ten videos!" >put little to no effort into top ten video watchmojo >be universally hated >be YouTube after releasing the 16 KB PNG 2019 YouTube Rewind pic unrelated

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Anon is a hat fan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/02/21(Tue)18:02:29 No.865960947 >be hat fan >everyone knows i like hats > aunt gives me a hat >it's a nice hat >hats are so cool Share hat experiences anons 72 KB PNG 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 11/02/21(Tue)18:02:29 No.865960947 >be hat fan >everyone knows i like hats > aunt gives me a hat >it's a nice hat >hats are so cool Share hat experiences anons 72 KB PNG 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon gets saved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)17:05:57 No.50269284 >be me >was actually going to an hero >decide to jump off bridge nearby my hometown >standing on ledge at 1 in the morning when i hear 268 KB JPG tires screech behind me >i turn around and see a pizza guy walking toward me telling me not to do it >yeahwhateverhearditabilliontimes.mp3 >see he has tears in his eyes >tells me that he lost his brother to suicide years ago and hes always felt like he needed to stop someone else's suicide >actually pretty moved by his story, i have a little bro >invites me into his car and offers me the pizza he has >drives me back to his home after calling his boss and telling him about the circumstances >all the while he's shooting the s--- and cracking me up, really chill guy >we get to an apartment downtown and he offers me to stay the night >open the door to his roommates drinking beer and playing mario kart >laugh and game with them >next morning we part ways and he gives me his phone number and tells me i can come back whenever i want >bus home, tell mom and dad i was out with friends
: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)17:05:57 No.50269284 >be me >was actually going to an hero >decide to jump off bridge nearby my hometown >standing on ledge at 1 in the morning when i hear 268 KB JPG tires screech behind me >i turn around and see a pizza guy walking toward me telling me not to do it >yeahwhateverhearditabilliontimes.mp3 >see he has tears in his eyes >tells me that he lost his brother to suicide years ago and hes always felt like he needed to stop someone else's suicide >actually pretty moved by his story, i have a little bro >invites me into his car and offers me the pizza he has >drives me back to his home after calling his boss and telling him about the circumstances >all the while he's shooting the s--- and cracking me up, really chill guy >we get to an apartment downtown and he offers me to stay the night >open the door to his roommates drinking beer and playing mario kart >laugh and game with them >next morning we part ways and he gives me his phone number and tells me i can come back whenever i want >bus home, tell mom and dad i was out with friends

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Anon is...a unique person | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)07:36:39 No.49124935 >target bathroom cause surprise s--- >dropped multiple logs, and don't feel close to finished >stall next to me seems to be having similar troubles >or at least, that's what all those 765 KB PNG grunting, panting, and leg spasms are telling me >suddenly see their hand slide underneath the stall, beckoning for something >mfw >don't understand what it wants >so I simply squat over it, and dropped a hot, steaming log >"WHAT THE FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!?!?!?" >he flips out; shaking and banging on the walls like he's having a seizure >won't stop screaming, also >he finally kicks his stall door open, and runs off like he found a ghost >mfw still >it wasn't until I got home, did I realize he was beckoning for another roll toilet paper I'm so f------ retarded. 7 Replies /2 Images View Thread
E Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)07:36:39 No.49124935 >target bathroom cause surprise s--- >dropped multiple logs, and don't feel close to finished >stall next to me seems to be having similar troubles >or at least, that's what all those 765 KB PNG grunting, panting, and leg spasms are telling me >suddenly see their hand slide underneath the stall, beckoning for something >mfw >don't understand what it wants >so I simply squat over it, and dropped a hot, steaming log >"WHAT THE FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!?!?!?" >he flips out; shaking and banging on the walls like he's having a seizure >won't stop screaming, also >he finally kicks his stall door open, and runs off like he found a ghost >mfw still >it wasn't until I got home, did I realize he was beckoning for another roll toilet paper I'm so f------ retarded. 7 Replies /2 Images View Thread

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)20:42:29 No.63309631 >>63293020 (OP) # >be in gym >flexing in mirror to see if I made progress >dude walks in 18 KB JPG >"good job man"
: Anonymous 09/01/21(Wed)20:42:29 No.63309631 >>63293020 (OP) # >be in gym >flexing in mirror to see if I made progress >dude walks in 18 KB JPG >"good job man"

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Pit fighter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)11:26:09 No.66103355 >29 year old boomer h----- called me weird because I started licking her armpits during sex and gave me a disgusted look like | was a weird pathetic creature shut the F--- up slut you literally drink semen for money you've had c-- on your face more times than i've poured milk in my cereal bowel stop shaming me for me 242 KB PNG relatively mild sexual fetish
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)11:26:09 No.66103355 >29 year old boomer h----- called me weird because I started licking her armpits during sex and gave me a disgusted look like | was a weird pathetic creature shut the F--- up slut you literally drink semen for money you've had c-- on your face more times than i've poured milk in my cereal bowel stop shaming me for me 242 KB PNG relatively mild sexual fetish

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Preferred pronouns she/was | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)04:25:54 No.66100058 >normie girl with a promising career and a good life ahead of her finds out I'm on medication for my anxiety and depression >becomes interested in me >doesn't stop trying to touch me and hold hands with me 12 KB JPG >keeps asking me out to the movies >texts me every day What the f--- are wrong with these w-----? Holy f---. It's like she wants me to ruin her life or something.
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)04:25:54 No.66100058 >normie girl with a promising career and a good life ahead of her finds out I'm on medication for my anxiety and depression >becomes interested in me >doesn't stop trying to touch me and hold hands with me 12 KB JPG >keeps asking me out to the movies >texts me every day What the f--- are wrong with these w-----? Holy f---. It's like she wants me to ruin her life or something.

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Cursed quest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)09:28:23 No.66102307 >be me about 5 years ago >sit next to the weird Polish kid in secondary school science >tell him about my explorations of the dark web >He asks me what kind of illegal stuff is on there 13 KB JPG >Go through the list and he stops me at Cheese Pizza >asks me where he can find that >I say I don't know because I don't look for it >he says he wants to find it because he would prefer jacking off to people aged 14-16 >He literally comes back to me every day telling me of his search for chese pizza >mfw : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)09:41:24 No.66102423 >>66102307 (OP) # you should have beaten him to death with a battery in a sock.
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)09:28:23 No.66102307 >be me about 5 years ago >sit next to the weird Polish kid in secondary school science >tell him about my explorations of the dark web >He asks me what kind of illegal stuff is on there 13 KB JPG >Go through the list and he stops me at Cheese Pizza >asks me where he can find that >I say I don't know because I don't look for it >he says he wants to find it because he would prefer jacking off to people aged 14-16 >He literally comes back to me every day telling me of his search for chese pizza >mfw : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)09:41:24 No.66102423 >>66102307 (OP) # you should have beaten him to death with a battery in a sock.

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A dim bulb brightens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)07:46:07 No.66101408 >be me >bored >lurk on crystalcafe >observe female behavior out of pure curiosity >tfw I realize they talk just like us minus the jargon differences 7 KB JPG >tfw they're literally human Holy f------ s---. My whole worldview has just been shattered. I'm utterly ruined. I've just now realized I've been projecting my negative qualities onto the opposite sex without even acknowledging it. Incelbros what do I do now? : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)07:49:55 No.66101434 Upvoted! That's some great reddit content right there! >>66101520 #
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)07:46:07 No.66101408 >be me >bored >lurk on crystalcafe >observe female behavior out of pure curiosity >tfw I realize they talk just like us minus the jargon differences 7 KB JPG >tfw they're literally human Holy f------ s---. My whole worldview has just been shattered. I'm utterly ruined. I've just now realized I've been projecting my negative qualities onto the opposite sex without even acknowledging it. Incelbros what do I do now? : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)07:49:55 No.66101434 Upvoted! That's some great reddit content right there! >>66101520 #

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Anon done did it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/19(Wed)16:46:41 No.811959173 >be me >white boy from USA >visiting Mexico >one night trying to sleep honk >3 AM and a bunch of f----- b------ with instruments roll through >loudest f------ s--- ever 77 KB JPG >pisses me right tf off >lean out the window and shout QUIETE PUTAS >friend comes running up stairs >ANON W-- ARE YOU DOING > I'm like what >he says THATS THE TOWNS BIGGEST DRUG LORD OVER THERE AND THAT BAND WAS PLAYING FOR HIM >look outside and see everyone has put away their instruments and replaced them with guns >this is it boys >today I take the fight to the b------ Mfw I realize this is it Mfw this will be my last greentext
: Anonymous 10/16/19(Wed)16:46:41 No.811959173 >be me >white boy from USA >visiting Mexico >one night trying to sleep honk >3 AM and a bunch of f----- b------ with instruments roll through >loudest f------ s--- ever 77 KB JPG >pisses me right tf off >lean out the window and shout QUIETE PUTAS >friend comes running up stairs >ANON W-- ARE YOU DOING > I'm like what >he says THATS THE TOWNS BIGGEST DRUG LORD OVER THERE AND THAT BAND WAS PLAYING FOR HIM >look outside and see everyone has put away their instruments and replaced them with guns >this is it boys >today I take the fight to the b------ Mfw I realize this is it Mfw this will be my last greentext

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Anon creates potential future issues | /r/Greentext

>played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister >all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling >mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin 1.48 MB GIF her
>played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister >all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling >mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin 1.48 MB GIF her

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Anon is a kung foo fighter | /r/Greentext

Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0
Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0

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Anon likes Dragonflies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)13:35:21 No.3944815 Dragonflies are some of my favorite invertebrates, and I'll explain why. >go fishing up north >a place called moon river in the georgian bay area, very beautiful with all the amazing rock formations 216 KB JPG >a bit of a pain in the ass because we had horse flies chasing us the whole time and being a real pain in the ass >end up coming onto a rock face where there was almost a swarm of dragonflies >they ended up f------ aerial assaulting the flies and eating them >was literally watching them take them out of the sky like dog fighters I don't even know what to say... Dragonflies, you are BASED. 12 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)13:35:21 No.3944815 Dragonflies are some of my favorite invertebrates, and I'll explain why. >go fishing up north >a place called moon river in the georgian bay area, very beautiful with all the amazing rock formations 216 KB JPG >a bit of a pain in the ass because we had horse flies chasing us the whole time and being a real pain in the ass >end up coming onto a rock face where there was almost a swarm of dragonflies >they ended up f------ aerial assaulting the flies and eating them >was literally watching them take them out of the sky like dog fighters I don't even know what to say... Dragonflies, you are BASED. 12 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Start trying to make fetch happen | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)04:30:35 No.66100083 >in vc with egirl in a discord server >everyone left, its just us >i ask her to add me on steam >"no" >???? >"why?" >"i just wanted to add you?" 227 KB JPG >she goes quiet for a second >"beg." >"what" >"if you really want me to add you then beg me for it" >IMMEDIATE BONER guys i think there's something wrong with me
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)04:30:35 No.66100083 >in vc with egirl in a discord server >everyone left, its just us >i ask her to add me on steam >"no" >???? >"why?" >"i just wanted to add you?" 227 KB JPG >she goes quiet for a second >"beg." >"what" >"if you really want me to add you then beg me for it" >IMMEDIATE BONER guys i think there's something wrong with me

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Anon chats with his coworkers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

File: Suicidal-Ideations-tout.jpg (384 KB, 2433x1622) O Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)10:37:12 No.866391924 866392136 >be me >depressed teen >everyone always saying it gets better >become 18 >things still not better >decides if things don't get better by the time I am 30 to end it >actively pursues things such as therapy, meds, exercise, diet etc >become 29, still depressed >life still not worth living Going for a last chance treatment where they will shock my brain, birthday is in a couple of months. Wish me luck. Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)10:38:08 No.866391973 >>866392136 did you try not to give a f---?
File: Suicidal-Ideations-tout.jpg (384 KB, 2433x1622) O Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)10:37:12 No.866391924 866392136 >be me >depressed teen >everyone always saying it gets better >become 18 >things still not better >decides if things don't get better by the time I am 30 to end it >actively pursues things such as therapy, meds, exercise, diet etc >become 29, still depressed >life still not worth living Going for a last chance treatment where they will shock my brain, birthday is in a couple of months. Wish me luck. Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)10:38:08 No.866391973 >>866392136 did you try not to give a f---?

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Anon hates his teacher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)21:08:51 No.854202562 >be me >in science class >class is getting off track because it's the end of the day >somehow in the middle of the 131 KB PNG conversation this one girl absolutely roasts the s--- out of me >l'm embarrassed and try to just be cool until the conversation moves on >teacher looks at me and goes "you can tell he's trying to think of a comeback" >I say I'm not but the teacher has the whole class be silent and stare at me expecting a comeback >I spit out something and everyone pity claps I sill remember this years later. Mr. Jenkins if you're reading this, f--- you.
: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)21:08:51 No.854202562 >be me >in science class >class is getting off track because it's the end of the day >somehow in the middle of the 131 KB PNG conversation this one girl absolutely roasts the s--- out of me >l'm embarrassed and try to just be cool until the conversation moves on >teacher looks at me and goes "you can tell he's trying to think of a comeback" >I say I'm not but the teacher has the whole class be silent and stare at me expecting a comeback >I spit out something and everyone pity claps I sill remember this years later. Mr. Jenkins if you're reading this, f--- you.

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Anon has quick reflexes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:29:51 No.46182766 >Be me First time on tinder >match with two grils instantly >stacy texts first >w-- >She lives less than a mile >Panic.jpg >Delete the app 156 KB JPG >Mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:31:36 No.46182794 She liked you, you mental f------ retard.
: Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:29:51 No.46182766 >Be me First time on tinder >match with two grils instantly >stacy texts first >w-- >She lives less than a mile >Panic.jpg >Delete the app 156 KB JPG >Mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:31:36 No.46182794 She liked you, you mental f------ retard.

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Anon makes protein shakes | /r/Greentext

Weird s--- you did in high school >had a fwb agreement with a female hockey player at my school >asian, built af >l would come to all her games so she could suck me off in the bathroom for a "protein shot" >pic related, me in the stands with empty nuts watching her club the s--- out of studs and bitches I didn't like >on big games she'd make me c-- twice whether I wanted to or not 310.1 kB JPG >said s--- like "I make you c-- twice, I win gold medal!" In Engrish because she knew I thought it was hot >forced me to make her "game shakes" >honey, water, cucumber and c-- >friends found out about it >would shout "BUTTERS CREAMY GOO!!" At me in the hallway >don't regret it, but she got me hooked on muscle girls for life
Weird s--- you did in high school >had a fwb agreement with a female hockey player at my school >asian, built af >l would come to all her games so she could suck me off in the bathroom for a "protein shot" >pic related, me in the stands with empty nuts watching her club the s--- out of studs and bitches I didn't like >on big games she'd make me c-- twice whether I wanted to or not 310.1 kB JPG >said s--- like "I make you c-- twice, I win gold medal!" In Engrish because she knew I thought it was hot >forced me to make her "game shakes" >honey, water, cucumber and c-- >friends found out about it >would shout "BUTTERS CREAMY GOO!!" At me in the hallway >don't regret it, but she got me hooked on muscle girls for life

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Anon works smart | /r/Greentext

: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? >i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer
: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? >i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer

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