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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/18(Fri)11:24:26 No.767048355 Had a weird dream last night >In a gym bathroom >Brushing my teeth for whatever reason >finish up, spit water out >Run tongue over teeth 45 KB JPG >Violent loud sound >Like a thousand balloons rubbing together >Everyone stops and looks at me >Nervously try to play it off >Casually say "Squeaky clean boys." >Walk out of gym bathroom >Wake up
: Anonymous 04/27/18(Fri)11:24:26 No.767048355 Had a weird dream last night >In a gym bathroom >Brushing my teeth for whatever reason >finish up, spit water out >Run tongue over teeth 45 KB JPG >Violent loud sound >Like a thousand balloons rubbing together >Everyone stops and looks at me >Nervously try to play it off >Casually say "Squeaky clean boys." >Walk out of gym bathroom >Wake up

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Anon loves cum | /r/Greentext

>meet cute short girl with glasses at uni >start hanging out and watching anime together >work up the balls to ask her out >she's ecstatic and says yes which is weird cause l'm pretty plain looking 702 KB PNG >turns out I'm her first bf >goes on for six months >wondering when sex will happen cause l'm a horny retard >eventually after me constantly subtly judging the issue she makes a confession >turns out she's a pre-op MtF transgender >says she knew she had to tell me eventually but put it off cause she knows most guys wouldn't date a transgirl but she knew she'd have to tell me if we were gonna have sex cause l'd find out for obvious reasons >transgender is a dealbreaker for me but don't want to come off as a transphobic a------ so I lie and say it's fine >have no desire to have sex with her now but now she does >figure I should go along with the relationship and then down the line break up with her for a supposedly unrelated reason so she doesn't think I'm transphobic >we have sex >relationship continues except now she's much more relaxed around me but completely oblivious to the fact that I'm clearly uncomfortable in the relationship >this goes on for months, we have sex several times a week and I pretend to like it while gritting my teeth >honestly sometimes feel like I want to vomit when I'm making out with "her" or swallowing her c-- >still looking for a way to end the relationship for a seemingly unrelated reason but worried if I do it just a few months after she came out to me she'll suspect the real reason why
>meet cute short girl with glasses at uni >start hanging out and watching anime together >work up the balls to ask her out >she's ecstatic and says yes which is weird cause l'm pretty plain looking 702 KB PNG >turns out I'm her first bf >goes on for six months >wondering when sex will happen cause l'm a horny retard >eventually after me constantly subtly judging the issue she makes a confession >turns out she's a pre-op MtF transgender >says she knew she had to tell me eventually but put it off cause she knows most guys wouldn't date a transgirl but she knew she'd have to tell me if we were gonna have sex cause l'd find out for obvious reasons >transgender is a dealbreaker for me but don't want to come off as a transphobic a------ so I lie and say it's fine >have no desire to have sex with her now but now she does >figure I should go along with the relationship and then down the line break up with her for a supposedly unrelated reason so she doesn't think I'm transphobic >we have sex >relationship continues except now she's much more relaxed around me but completely oblivious to the fact that I'm clearly uncomfortable in the relationship >this goes on for months, we have sex several times a week and I pretend to like it while gritting my teeth >honestly sometimes feel like I want to vomit when I'm making out with "her" or swallowing her c-- >still looking for a way to end the relationship for a seemingly unrelated reason but worried if I do it just a few months after she came out to me she'll suspect the real reason why

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Anon goes to a steakhouse | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/08/21(Thu)10:06:52 No.16398753 File: 1597772991157.jpg (27 KB, 600x600) >>16397611 (OP) # >be on road trip >in texas >decide to stop at a steakhouse in east texas b------ nowhere >they have a salad bar >pasta salad >marshmallow salad >potato salad >macaroni salad >fruit salad with whipped cream >there's no vegetables at the salad bar
O Anonymous 07/08/21(Thu)10:06:52 No.16398753 File: 1597772991157.jpg (27 KB, 600x600) >>16397611 (OP) # >be on road trip >in texas >decide to stop at a steakhouse in east texas b------ nowhere >they have a salad bar >pasta salad >marshmallow salad >potato salad >macaroni salad >fruit salad with whipped cream >there's no vegetables at the salad bar

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Anon finds a good channel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/19(Sat)20:43:20 No.804024147 >be me >watching anything and everything on youtube as usual >watch a video i find legit hilarious >actually laugh and feel happy >channel has over 100 videos, over 10 157 KB PNG minutes long, and all equally hilarious >binge watch all of them over the course of three days >no more videos >only uploads every couple weeks >source of entertainment and happiness gone >feel sad and empty
: Anonymous 07/06/19(Sat)20:43:20 No.804024147 >be me >watching anything and everything on youtube as usual >watch a video i find legit hilarious >actually laugh and feel happy >channel has over 100 videos, over 10 157 KB PNG minutes long, and all equally hilarious >binge watch all of them over the course of three days >no more videos >only uploads every couple weeks >source of entertainment and happiness gone >feel sad and empty

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Didnunuffin my ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: IFQFaxMp ) . 11/08/21 (Mon)13:05:25 No.346608839 >l never chased Kyle Rittenhouse >okay, I mean I chased after people about to harm Kyle Rittenhouse >okay, I did chase Kyle Rittenhouse >but I didn't have a gun 17 KB JPG >but I didn't mention the gun >okay, I had a gun but it fell out >okay, I had a gun but it fell out into my hand >okay, I had a gun but it fell out into my hand but I didn't do anything with it >okay, I had a gun but I pulled it out on purpose and chased Kyle Rittenhouse and pointed it at him >okay, I had a gun that I pulled out and chased Kyle Rittenhouse with and pointed at him and it was illegal for me to have ALL OF THIS HAPPENED IN 30 MINUTES >>346608980 # >>346609056 #
: Anonymous (ID: IFQFaxMp ) . 11/08/21 (Mon)13:05:25 No.346608839 >l never chased Kyle Rittenhouse >okay, I mean I chased after people about to harm Kyle Rittenhouse >okay, I did chase Kyle Rittenhouse >but I didn't have a gun 17 KB JPG >but I didn't mention the gun >okay, I had a gun but it fell out >okay, I had a gun but it fell out into my hand >okay, I had a gun but it fell out into my hand but I didn't do anything with it >okay, I had a gun but I pulled it out on purpose and chased Kyle Rittenhouse and pointed it at him >okay, I had a gun that I pulled out and chased Kyle Rittenhouse with and pointed at him and it was illegal for me to have ALL OF THIS HAPPENED IN 30 MINUTES >>346608980 # >>346609056 #

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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

File: 034A1A7E-4E31-497B-8833-6(...).jpg (33 KB, 328x207) Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)11:40:36 No.866572054 (Reply] ► >>866574969 >be me >woman >used to get bullied for hobbies and interests >hit puberty >suddenly get simped over by random nerdy guys constantly >get told it's because I look cute and have cool hobbies/interests >take pride in knowing I'm cool "for a girl" and actually feel normal for once >fast-forward to today >found out I have autism
File: 034A1A7E-4E31-497B-8833-6(...).jpg (33 KB, 328x207) Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)11:40:36 No.866572054 (Reply] ► >>866574969 >be me >woman >used to get bullied for hobbies and interests >hit puberty >suddenly get simped over by random nerdy guys constantly >get told it's because I look cute and have cool hobbies/interests >take pride in knowing I'm cool "for a girl" and actually feel normal for once >fast-forward to today >found out I have autism

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Anon is very, very based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:58:59 No.63390539 423.png 398 KB PNG >Saw a fat child in public >Muttered child abuse under my breath loud enough for the mother to hear it. >Walk away like nothing happened.
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)12:58:59 No.63390539 423.png 398 KB PNG >Saw a fat child in public >Muttered child abuse under my breath loud enough for the mother to hear it. >Walk away like nothing happened.

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Anon is based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/18(Sat)08:54:02 No.46620398 >be young adult mudslime >parents deciding who i marry >no b------- like trying to win over the girl I pity my fellow christians and athiests 17 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/07/18(Sat)08:54:02 No.46620398 >be young adult mudslime >parents deciding who i marry >no b------- like trying to win over the girl I pity my fellow christians and athiests 17 KB JPG

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Anon is enlightened | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)00:50:01 No.25279432 ► >be alone >be highly miserable and do drugs to cope, also jacking off to p--- like 3 times aday >get a gf >literally quit amphetamines, p---, cigs and alcohol all at the same time, I literally just lost the urge to do drugs and I didn't have to peptalk myself or force myself to do it >horrible withdrawals for like a month but I don't care because being with her feels so good, still haven't touched anything (except occasional alcohol) in months Yeah they f------ lied, love is literally everything and when she dumps me I'm going to die
Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)00:50:01 No.25279432 ► >be alone >be highly miserable and do drugs to cope, also jacking off to p--- like 3 times aday >get a gf >literally quit amphetamines, p---, cigs and alcohol all at the same time, I literally just lost the urge to do drugs and I didn't have to peptalk myself or force myself to do it >horrible withdrawals for like a month but I don't care because being with her feels so good, still haven't touched anything (except occasional alcohol) in months Yeah they f------ lied, love is literally everything and when she dumps me I'm going to die

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Anon goes out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)09:38:37 No.866562015 Alright story time /b/oys : >Crush asks if I would like to go out together with a guy she's seeing >l've been that guy before, she and I used to be fwb, so I'm thinking this is my chance to get back in her bed >It's a tactical mistake. It seems she's really LEVIL LAUHTERI 420 KB PNG into this guy, they are cute together. They kiss and s---. >F--- it.exe engaged. I decide to throw the whole thing and just behave in the most obnoxious way possible the whole night >lt's working >Him and I almost throw hands at the bar >She slaps me and splashes drink in my face >A friend that I came with tries to pull me away >l scream the most vile s--- at her and her boyfriend, calling her a slut, saying she sucked a mean d--- etc. >She's crying >Boyfriend is ready to kill me for real >l get kicked out for my own safety >Find out the next day she had a mental break and ended up in the hospital that night because of the stress Tldr: The night alcohol turned me to a madman
: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)09:38:37 No.866562015 Alright story time /b/oys : >Crush asks if I would like to go out together with a guy she's seeing >l've been that guy before, she and I used to be fwb, so I'm thinking this is my chance to get back in her bed >It's a tactical mistake. It seems she's really LEVIL LAUHTERI 420 KB PNG into this guy, they are cute together. They kiss and s---. >F--- it.exe engaged. I decide to throw the whole thing and just behave in the most obnoxious way possible the whole night >lt's working >Him and I almost throw hands at the bar >She slaps me and splashes drink in my face >A friend that I came with tries to pull me away >l scream the most vile s--- at her and her boyfriend, calling her a slut, saying she sucked a mean d--- etc. >She's crying >Boyfriend is ready to kill me for real >l get kicked out for my own safety >Find out the next day she had a mental break and ended up in the hospital that night because of the stress Tldr: The night alcohol turned me to a madman

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Anon loves America | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)22:17:54 No.855863221 >finish putting up my "We Don't Call 911" sign >fall off ladder on my way down and break my leg > my wife runs out in a panic >she looks up at the sign and looks back at me 39 KB JPG >she knows what I must do and hands me my pistol >l'm sorry Angela >wife runs back inside with tears rolling down her face >tell my children to go in the house >"We don't dial 911" I s-- as I put the barrel in my mouth > God Bless America
: Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)22:17:54 No.855863221 >finish putting up my "We Don't Call 911" sign >fall off ladder on my way down and break my leg > my wife runs out in a panic >she looks up at the sign and looks back at me 39 KB JPG >she knows what I must do and hands me my pistol >l'm sorry Angela >wife runs back inside with tears rolling down her face >tell my children to go in the house >"We don't dial 911" I s-- as I put the barrel in my mouth > God Bless America

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Microwave go brrrrr | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
:Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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An average 4chan user | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)09:06:54 No.159052373 3B394A56-D316-45FE-A4A3-C0180F2C0D8F.jpg 257 KB JPG >talks to a woman once for 15 seconds >falls in love with her and imagines being in a relationship with her and spending the rest of his life with her You guys don't actually do this, right? : Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)09:09:37 No.159052472 Oh me? Never Not even once Can't imagine doing such a thing Yes. 255 KB PNG
: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)09:06:54 No.159052373 3B394A56-D316-45FE-A4A3-C0180F2C0D8F.jpg 257 KB JPG >talks to a woman once for 15 seconds >falls in love with her and imagines being in a relationship with her and spending the rest of his life with her You guys don't actually do this, right? : Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)09:09:37 No.159052472 Oh me? Never Not even once Can't imagine doing such a thing Yes. 255 KB PNG

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Lost in translation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)07:49:29 No.66128896 nug.jpg 65 KB JPG >you dream of going to Japan >you take community college courses in Japanese >go there twice and drop out because there aren't any chicks there and you're too lazy to study >realize you'll travel to Japan without speaking the language I'm f----- right? : Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)07:51:15 No.66128911 >>66128896 (OP) # If your only motivation was to have sex with young Japanese women, you don't deserve to succeed. >>66128940 # >>66129118 #
: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)07:49:29 No.66128896 nug.jpg 65 KB JPG >you dream of going to Japan >you take community college courses in Japanese >go there twice and drop out because there aren't any chicks there and you're too lazy to study >realize you'll travel to Japan without speaking the language I'm f----- right? : Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)07:51:15 No.66128911 >>66128896 (OP) # If your only motivation was to have sex with young Japanese women, you don't deserve to succeed. >>66128940 # >>66129118 #

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Stronglifts 5x10 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT: Benefits of lifting as a (...) 11/11/21(Thu)23:21:03 No.64323169 FROG GAME >recently asked out a cute waitress LOOK AT THE out who I've talked to before and FROG who I thought we had a good thing going YOU WON!! >tells me she has a bf but that we can still be friends 62 KB JPG >tell her no worries, her bf is a lucky guy >instead of feeling defeated I use that "sad" energy to lift heavier weights at the gym >despite this being the 50th girl to reject me in my life I don't let the rejections get me down like they used to I guess I'm more mature than before but you never get used to rejections, they still hurt just not as much as before.
: Anonymous ITT: Benefits of lifting as a (...) 11/11/21(Thu)23:21:03 No.64323169 FROG GAME >recently asked out a cute waitress LOOK AT THE out who I've talked to before and FROG who I thought we had a good thing going YOU WON!! >tells me she has a bf but that we can still be friends 62 KB JPG >tell her no worries, her bf is a lucky guy >instead of feeling defeated I use that "sad" energy to lift heavier weights at the gym >despite this being the 50th girl to reject me in my life I don't let the rejections get me down like they used to I guess I'm more mature than before but you never get used to rejections, they still hurt just not as much as before.

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Anon is from Alabama | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)07:38:34 No.63830961 The closest I ever came. >staying the night at my older, big tiddy cousin's house >sleeping in her room >figure l'll be sleeping on the floor >lie on the floor >"Anon, what are you doing? You can 38 KB JPG sleep in my bed with me." >0-ok >get in bed with her >literally cannot sleep unless I j------- >wait for her to fall asleep >silently j------- >about to finish >she reaches over me and grabs a tissue from her night stand >"here" >t-thanks >coom >clean up and throw tissue away >embarrassed for the rest of the night We never talked about it, but her and I were always super close and are still super close.
: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)07:38:34 No.63830961 The closest I ever came. >staying the night at my older, big tiddy cousin's house >sleeping in her room >figure l'll be sleeping on the floor >lie on the floor >"Anon, what are you doing? You can 38 KB JPG sleep in my bed with me." >0-ok >get in bed with her >literally cannot sleep unless I j------- >wait for her to fall asleep >silently j------- >about to finish >she reaches over me and grabs a tissue from her night stand >"here" >t-thanks >coom >clean up and throw tissue away >embarrassed for the rest of the night We never talked about it, but her and I were always super close and are still super close.

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The mathturbator | /r/Greentext

ITT: Embarrassing high school stories. >be me >been feeling like s--- for the last few months >talk to a doctor about it >he writes me a prescription for an antidepressant >it's called anafranil >after a few weeks, the effects start to kick in >feelsgoodman >be sitting in calculus class one day >s---'s boring as f--- >i yawn >instantly get rock hard >feels like i'm about to c-- >wat >overcome by earthshaking orgasm >shake desk back and forth while yelling "OH F--- YES!" >fall out of chair >legs trembling, huge c------- on my pants >everyone looks at me in shock >ask to be excused >later that night, look up side effects of anafranil on wikipedia >it says that 5% of users experience spontaneous orgasms that are triggered by yawning >n---- whut >go to class next day >everyone trying not to laugh as i walk in and sit down >teacher hands out test >look at first question and get huge, throbbing erection >oh god >dat integral sign >dat dy/dx >so f------ hot >my brain has associated calculus with orgasmic bliss >unzip fly and take test while fapping on stealth mode >someone yawns >yawning is contagious >i yawn >itshappening.gif >my c--- erupts like old faithful >sprays fountain of c-- all over my face >mfw i fapped to my calculus test >mfw everyone in school now calls me the mathturbator
ITT: Embarrassing high school stories. >be me >been feeling like s--- for the last few months >talk to a doctor about it >he writes me a prescription for an antidepressant >it's called anafranil >after a few weeks, the effects start to kick in >feelsgoodman >be sitting in calculus class one day >s---'s boring as f--- >i yawn >instantly get rock hard >feels like i'm about to c-- >wat >overcome by earthshaking orgasm >shake desk back and forth while yelling "OH F--- YES!" >fall out of chair >legs trembling, huge c------- on my pants >everyone looks at me in shock >ask to be excused >later that night, look up side effects of anafranil on wikipedia >it says that 5% of users experience spontaneous orgasms that are triggered by yawning >n---- whut >go to class next day >everyone trying not to laugh as i walk in and sit down >teacher hands out test >look at first question and get huge, throbbing erection >oh god >dat integral sign >dat dy/dx >so f------ hot >my brain has associated calculus with orgasmic bliss >unzip fly and take test while fapping on stealth mode >someone yawns >yawning is contagious >i yawn >itshappening.gif >my c--- erupts like old faithful >sprays fountain of c-- all over my face >mfw i fapped to my calculus test >mfw everyone in school now calls me the mathturbator

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Baked beans. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/30/15(Wed)18:23:05 No.644104344 >>644105497 >be me >high school, betafag >don't have any friends, so I just chill in the library every day >one day new kid transfers to my school, Mexican beanerfag >make friends with him cause he's beta too >hang out with him all year, get really close >make fun of him for being a w------, he doesn't care >find out he's a pyromaniac >lights everything he can on fire >lolwut but don't really care cause he's chill >one night at the end of the year he calls me at night >"im gonna set the warehouse on 4th street on fire, come with me anon" >tell him no, I'm not insane >he says whatever, hangs up >don't think much of it, he's cooky but he's not a madman >next day watching local news >"warehouse on 4th caught aflame last night, charred body found inside" >he isn't at school that day >turns out he did it and accidentally burned to death >mfw Jesús died for arsons
Anonymous 09/30/15(Wed)18:23:05 No.644104344 >>644105497 >be me >high school, betafag >don't have any friends, so I just chill in the library every day >one day new kid transfers to my school, Mexican beanerfag >make friends with him cause he's beta too >hang out with him all year, get really close >make fun of him for being a w------, he doesn't care >find out he's a pyromaniac >lights everything he can on fire >lolwut but don't really care cause he's chill >one night at the end of the year he calls me at night >"im gonna set the warehouse on 4th street on fire, come with me anon" >tell him no, I'm not insane >he says whatever, hangs up >don't think much of it, he's cooky but he's not a madman >next day watching local news >"warehouse on 4th caught aflame last night, charred body found inside" >he isn't at school that day >turns out he did it and accidentally burned to death >mfw Jesús died for arsons

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Anon is a stoike | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me I dropped my gay card >I look down for it and realise I've been the victim 71 KB JPG of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >10532164 # >>10532217 # 210532453 # >>10532459
: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me I dropped my gay card >I look down for it and realise I've been the victim 71 KB JPG of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >10532164 # >>10532217 # 210532453 # >>10532459

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Tweaking out | /r/Greentext


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