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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)09:17:08 No.543906210 I f------ love being short because it means I can climb all over tall girls and pretend I'm playing Shadow of the Colossus, except my sword is my d--- >>543906275 # >>543906295 # >>543906323 # >>543906490 # >>543906964 # >>543907271 # >>543907461 # >>543907647 # >>543908583 # >>543910038 # >>543911253 # >>543912580 # >>543912786 # >>543913552 # >>543914064 # >>543914334 # >>543915390 # >>543916284 # >>543916819 # >>543917932 # >>543921171 # >>543921637 # >>543923302 # >>543923326 # >>543923379 # >>543923492 # >>543923752 # >>543923768 # >>543924026 # >>543924037 # >>543924090 # >>543924119 # >>543924865 # >>543926108 # >>543926804 # >>543926856 # >>543927009 # >>543927304 # >>543927368 # >>543927617 # >>543927724 # >>543927763 # >>543927856 # >>543928049 # >>543928847 # >>543929597 # >>543930584 # >>543931704 # >>543931730 # >>543932072 # >>543933087 # >>543934058 # >>543935809 #
: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)09:17:08 No.543906210 I f------ love being short because it means I can climb all over tall girls and pretend I'm playing Shadow of the Colossus, except my sword is my d--- >>543906275 # >>543906295 # >>543906323 # >>543906490 # >>543906964 # >>543907271 # >>543907461 # >>543907647 # >>543908583 # >>543910038 # >>543911253 # >>543912580 # >>543912786 # >>543913552 # >>543914064 # >>543914334 # >>543915390 # >>543916284 # >>543916819 # >>543917932 # >>543921171 # >>543921637 # >>543923302 # >>543923326 # >>543923379 # >>543923492 # >>543923752 # >>543923768 # >>543924026 # >>543924037 # >>543924090 # >>543924119 # >>543924865 # >>543926108 # >>543926804 # >>543926856 # >>543927009 # >>543927304 # >>543927368 # >>543927617 # >>543927724 # >>543927763 # >>543927856 # >>543928049 # >>543928847 # >>543929597 # >>543930584 # >>543931704 # >>543931730 # >>543932072 # >>543933087 # >>543934058 # >>543935809 #

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Anon has a trauma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)04:39:38 No.47044270 >be me >parents killed before my eyes >feels batman 42 KB PNG
: Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)04:39:38 No.47044270 >be me >parents killed before my eyes >feels batman 42 KB PNG

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Anon is alone | /r/Greentext

Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend I'm a father of 3 to my coworkers >Made a photoshopped picture in a 28 KB PNG frame of me and my "family" and put in my office
Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend I'm a father of 3 to my coworkers >Made a photoshopped picture in a 28 KB PNG frame of me and my "family" and put in my office

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Anon is simple | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:5 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:5 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Single-file line | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)20:17:46 No.66238174 >starts talking with a guy that lives one hour away from me >he is 9 years older than I am >flirts with me and makes it obvious that he likes me >wants me to come over next 1.02 MB PNG week >he shows me his anime p--- file (???) >there are nudes and other pictures of random white girls that look nothing like me what the f--- is he trying to say
: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)20:17:46 No.66238174 >starts talking with a guy that lives one hour away from me >he is 9 years older than I am >flirts with me and makes it obvious that he likes me >wants me to come over next 1.02 MB PNG week >he shows me his anime p--- file (???) >there are nudes and other pictures of random white girls that look nothing like me what the f--- is he trying to say

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Anon is a troll. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing I've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? I'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing I've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? I'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.

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Common Mistake | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/21/21(Sun)03:31:43 No.867108189 >>867109154 >>867102803 (OP) I decided to f--- a downy one time. >Be me, 26 years old, broke up with my girlfriend >Decide to try to f--- cute downy that lives down the street >Talk her up, find out she's 19, ask her out, she says yes >Her parents let her go out h-------- yes >Take her out, movie, dinner, walk on the beach >Go back to my place >F--- that extra chromosome so hard and c-- buckets >She friends me on facebook >l stalk her account a little and find the truth >Not retarded, just Icelandic
O Anonymous 11/21/21(Sun)03:31:43 No.867108189 >>867109154 >>867102803 (OP) I decided to f--- a downy one time. >Be me, 26 years old, broke up with my girlfriend >Decide to try to f--- cute downy that lives down the street >Talk her up, find out she's 19, ask her out, she says yes >Her parents let her go out h-------- yes >Take her out, movie, dinner, walk on the beach >Go back to my place >F--- that extra chromosome so hard and c-- buckets >She friends me on facebook >l stalk her account a little and find the truth >Not retarded, just Icelandic

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I'm pickel rieeek | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.74762491E >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked >underpaid >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh I'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"
: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.74762491E >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked >underpaid >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh I'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"

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I’m sorry what | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:28:05 No.7881736 >>7881780 >>7882025 >>7882181 >>7883072 >7883234 File: 766a578cfb021a78ce3bf2c50(.) ipg (51 KB, 217x395) I used to know a guy who developed legit autism because his mom left him home alone a lot when he was a kid and when left to his own devices, he apparently ate nothing but butterdogs Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:43: 19 No.7881780 ► >7881790 >7881797 >7883064 >>7881736 >Butterdogs I'm sorry, what ?
Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:28:05 No.7881736 >>7881780 >>7882025 >>7882181 >>7883072 >7883234 File: 766a578cfb021a78ce3bf2c50(.) ipg (51 KB, 217x395) I used to know a guy who developed legit autism because his mom left him home alone a lot when he was a kid and when left to his own devices, he apparently ate nothing but butterdogs Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:43: 19 No.7881780 ► >7881790 >7881797 >7883064 >>7881736 >Butterdogs I'm sorry, what ?

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Smile through the pain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)22:26:43 No.66239575 >work with woman >is 10 years older than me >sends me selfies daily >makes weird sexual connections with things i say >tells me she trusts me 7 KB JPG >she does this a lot >keeps wanting to get me alone >tells me i should smile more because my smile is nice is this lady trying to r--- me
: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)22:26:43 No.66239575 >work with woman >is 10 years older than me >sends me selfies daily >makes weird sexual connections with things i say >tells me she trusts me 7 KB JPG >she does this a lot >keeps wanting to get me alone >tells me i should smile more because my smile is nice is this lady trying to r--- me

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Hateless Eight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)23:15:01 No.66240012 >tfw don't mind gays >tfw don't mind trannies >tfw don't mind blacks >tfw don't mind jews feels good to live without any needless hate COLOR-CHANGING SHAPESHIFTER PEPE ULTRA RARE DO NOT REDISTRIBUTE 24 KB PNG : Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)23:17:43 No.66240029 bruh, i like this wholeheartedly agree f--- hate
: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)23:15:01 No.66240012 >tfw don't mind gays >tfw don't mind trannies >tfw don't mind blacks >tfw don't mind jews feels good to live without any needless hate COLOR-CHANGING SHAPESHIFTER PEPE ULTRA RARE DO NOT REDISTRIBUTE 24 KB PNG : Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)23:17:43 No.66240029 bruh, i like this wholeheartedly agree f--- hate

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The samsung alarm is kinda fire ngl | /r/Greentext

>be me >sixth grade, a long time ago >art class, so we're allowed to walk around during class >see a guy bobbing his head back and forth with earphones in, drawing something >probably listening to some good 60 KB JPG music, I think to myself >l approach, he takes one earphone out to hear me >l ask him to give one earphone to me to see what music he's listening to >he mumbles something >l take the earphone >put it in my ear >dude is listening to alarm ringtones >mfw teacher throws me out of class because I can't stop laughing
>be me >sixth grade, a long time ago >art class, so we're allowed to walk around during class >see a guy bobbing his head back and forth with earphones in, drawing something >probably listening to some good 60 KB JPG music, I think to myself >l approach, he takes one earphone out to hear me >l ask him to give one earphone to me to see what music he's listening to >he mumbles something >l take the earphone >put it in my ear >dude is listening to alarm ringtones >mfw teacher throws me out of class because I can't stop laughing

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Anon goes shopping | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)15:38:39 No.7901581 >Be me 21 >At food store to get food >Go up to cash register >7/10 qt3.14 working >buy food >try to say "Thank you" >Say "love you" instead >MFW autism strikes >She responds "You Too" >We realise we are both autistic >she is now my gf of 2 years.
Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)15:38:39 No.7901581 >Be me 21 >At food store to get food >Go up to cash register >7/10 qt3.14 working >buy food >try to say "Thank you" >Say "love you" instead >MFW autism strikes >She responds "You Too" >We realise we are both autistic >she is now my gf of 2 years.

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Anon has a stupid name | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG >>52772696 # | Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman
: Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG >>52772696 # | Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman

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Anon observes the Big bang | /r/Greentext

>>39752333 # >tfw you realize the right is wearing the same black leggings as girl on the left but the rapid expansion caused a whole new universe to be born
>>39752333 # >tfw you realize the right is wearing the same black leggings as girl on the left but the rapid expansion caused a whole new universe to be born

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Anon is fooled | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)19:00:59 No.866941985 >be me >make a discord account >join a couple of servers >a few months go by >i meet a really nice girl with a anime pfp >i chat with them >we end up becoming really good friends >i start falling for her >i gather the courage to face call her >its a guy >mfw to be truthful, they never said they were a girl but the pfp made me assume they were. :/
U Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)19:00:59 No.866941985 >be me >make a discord account >join a couple of servers >a few months go by >i meet a really nice girl with a anime pfp >i chat with them >we end up becoming really good friends >i start falling for her >i gather the courage to face call her >its a guy >mfw to be truthful, they never said they were a girl but the pfp made me assume they were. :/

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)12:00:10 No.867062034 >QUACK QUACK QUACK What did he mean by this?? 150 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)12:00:10 No.867062034 >QUACK QUACK QUACK What did he mean by this?? 150 KB JPG

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Anon makes comedy gold, again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)17:38:09 No.159459481 OBEY Supreme fellowkids.jpg 176 KB JPG >Jerry got vaccinated, but his current girlfriend has a weird cough, and when pressed if she took the shot she answers vaguely >Elaine got vaxxed, but her current boyfriend got vaxxed by a different brand and, according to her, acts all superior about it >George didn't get vaxxed, but pretends to, because he's going on a date with a woman he met s------- on non-vaxxed people. Now he has to falsify papers to keep the ruse going >Kramer's been vaxxed 10 times, claims it boosts his immunity, and buys Chinese booster shots from Newman >>159459873 # >>159460338 # >>159460821 #
: Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)17:38:09 No.159459481 OBEY Supreme fellowkids.jpg 176 KB JPG >Jerry got vaccinated, but his current girlfriend has a weird cough, and when pressed if she took the shot she answers vaguely >Elaine got vaxxed, but her current boyfriend got vaxxed by a different brand and, according to her, acts all superior about it >George didn't get vaxxed, but pretends to, because he's going on a date with a woman he met s------- on non-vaxxed people. Now he has to falsify papers to keep the ruse going >Kramer's been vaxxed 10 times, claims it boosts his immunity, and buys Chinese booster shots from Newman >>159459873 # >>159460338 # >>159460821 #

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Anon had a hater living rent free in his head for 7 years | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/06/18(Fri)23:28.11 No.412424646 >>412425018 >>412429058 >>412436391 >>412436659 >>412436981 >>412439415 >>412423415 (OP) The first hatemail i ever got was from xXCARCraZYXx because i died defending the flag in halo 3. OMG chop ur ballz off- was what he sent. After that day i periodically checked his profile every day for about 7 years. Just to see how his life went. 2 years after he sent that message, he dropped Halo 3 entirely for MW2. a year after that he changed his motto to 'l love you Megan' Probably his gf. A few months after that he changed his motto to USMC Semper Fi. A litle after that he changed his bio to some rambling b------- about being careful who you upset because you never know when a Marine could be stood behind you. 4 months after that his profile became very anti-government,I guess the marines wasn't for him. Some time after this i managed to find his FB account and i finally saw who he was, A short, ugly p------------ that tried oh so desperately to please daddy. Shortly before i stopped keeping up with him I saw that he had an uggo girlfriend and that she was pregnant. She lost it about 5 months in and he posted one of those 'RI.P Martin, Daddy loves you' on his profile. That's when i PM'd him a screenshot of the message he sent me with 'I'm glad your retard baby is dead'. I f------ won that one, hater.
Anonymous 04/06/18(Fri)23:28.11 No.412424646 >>412425018 >>412429058 >>412436391 >>412436659 >>412436981 >>412439415 >>412423415 (OP) The first hatemail i ever got was from xXCARCraZYXx because i died defending the flag in halo 3. OMG chop ur ballz off- was what he sent. After that day i periodically checked his profile every day for about 7 years. Just to see how his life went. 2 years after he sent that message, he dropped Halo 3 entirely for MW2. a year after that he changed his motto to 'l love you Megan' Probably his gf. A few months after that he changed his motto to USMC Semper Fi. A litle after that he changed his bio to some rambling b------- about being careful who you upset because you never know when a Marine could be stood behind you. 4 months after that his profile became very anti-government,I guess the marines wasn't for him. Some time after this i managed to find his FB account and i finally saw who he was, A short, ugly p------------ that tried oh so desperately to please daddy. Shortly before i stopped keeping up with him I saw that he had an uggo girlfriend and that she was pregnant. She lost it about 5 months in and he posted one of those 'RI.P Martin, Daddy loves you' on his profile. That's when i PM'd him a screenshot of the message he sent me with 'I'm glad your retard baby is dead'. I f------ won that one, hater.

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Anon gets a PS4 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)16:36:21 No.867058729 >be me >around october 2020 >my old ass pc is terrible for video games at this point >decide to get something new >i find a ps4 >it has a very cheap price >realize i have a discount code for the site im using to buy it >i end up paying half the price >feelsgoodman.png >i get a ps4 and some games for cheap on ebay >i finally get it a month later >looking on /v/ >writing a thread asking a question about my ps4 "Oh my PS5 was acting like that, just do this." >waitwhat.jpg >goes on google >finds out ps5 came out recently >looks for ps5 on shopping site >its really cheap >realizes i could've gotten it for the same price i got the ps4 for with the discount code %3D >mfw
Anonymous 11/20/21(Sat)16:36:21 No.867058729 >be me >around october 2020 >my old ass pc is terrible for video games at this point >decide to get something new >i find a ps4 >it has a very cheap price >realize i have a discount code for the site im using to buy it >i end up paying half the price >feelsgoodman.png >i get a ps4 and some games for cheap on ebay >i finally get it a month later >looking on /v/ >writing a thread asking a question about my ps4 "Oh my PS5 was acting like that, just do this." >waitwhat.jpg >goes on google >finds out ps5 came out recently >looks for ps5 on shopping site >its really cheap >realizes i could've gotten it for the same price i got the ps4 for with the discount code %3D >mfw

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