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Anon finds a small turd | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:13:35 No.66420432 >found a small turd in the closet at my work 236 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:20:26 No.66420466 >>66420432 (OP) # Leave a bigger one in its place. >>66420474 #
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:13:35 No.66420432 >found a small turd in the closet at my work 236 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:20:26 No.66420466 >>66420432 (OP) # Leave a bigger one in its place. >>66420474 #

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Thanks Elon, Very Cool | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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Tiny tunes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)09:18:34 No.66422804 >be me, 20 >6 foot 3 inches >built like a linebacker >hairy as hell >deep voice >big hands and feet >this indicates good genes and high testosterone 109 KB PNG >4 inch d--- What the f--- am I supposed to do with this thing?
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)09:18:34 No.66422804 >be me, 20 >6 foot 3 inches >built like a linebacker >hairy as hell >deep voice >big hands and feet >this indicates good genes and high testosterone 109 KB PNG >4 inch d--- What the f--- am I supposed to do with this thing?

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Anon likes to give back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town

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Anon is worried | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LO15IPI7 12/03/21(Fri)19:49:59 No.350603240 Every year these black pieces of s--- kill thousands of innocent Americans. >far more lethal than reasonable alternatives >have made stores, neighborhoods and even elementary schools 7 KB JPG unsafe >owning them is outlawed in almost every civilized country >huge economic burden to the public >pointing out any of these is political suicide so nothing ever gets done >those who produce them face no accountability >be n----- >pic unrelated
: Anonymous (ID: LO15IPI7 12/03/21(Fri)19:49:59 No.350603240 Every year these black pieces of s--- kill thousands of innocent Americans. >far more lethal than reasonable alternatives >have made stores, neighborhoods and even elementary schools 7 KB JPG unsafe >owning them is outlawed in almost every civilized country >huge economic burden to the public >pointing out any of these is political suicide so nothing ever gets done >those who produce them face no accountability >be n----- >pic unrelated

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Anon doesn't like pedos | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 56 minutes ago 867930983 >be me >say something slightly bad about pedos >thread gets ass r---- by pedos >Called everything under the sun >f----- >retard >get suicide >so bad that it makes me think that there's something wrong with me >reminded it's f------ pedos picking on me >tfw why is /b/ like this? 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 56 minutes ago 867930983 >be me >say something slightly bad about pedos >thread gets ass r---- by pedos >Called everything under the sun >f----- >retard >get suicide >so bad that it makes me think that there's something wrong with me >reminded it's f------ pedos picking on me >tfw why is /b/ like this? 2 REPLIES

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Anon watches a small streamer | /r/Greentext

>enter a Youtube livestream out of curiosity >6 people are watching >not interested in the content, but I can't leave because the streamer might notice the number went down and feel hurt Sute a 50 KB GIF >have been stuck in here for an hour Does anyone know this feel?
>enter a Youtube livestream out of curiosity >6 people are watching >not interested in the content, but I can't leave because the streamer might notice the number went down and feel hurt Sute a 50 KB GIF >have been stuck in here for an hour Does anyone know this feel?

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Anon’s dad gets him fired | /r/Greentext

png (194 kB, 631x595) No.46491256 Anonymous 13 min. ago >fired on first week of McDonalds because boomer father threw out my uniform and made me wear neat suit "Dress up for the job you want not the job you have" F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU
png (194 kB, 631x595) No.46491256 Anonymous 13 min. ago >fired on first week of McDonalds because boomer father threw out my uniform and made me wear neat suit "Dress up for the job you want not the job you have" F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU

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This one made my day | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033.jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman.jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tíw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >l tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw
Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033.jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman.jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tíw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >l tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw

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Anon makes bad decisions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: PDKJ+xoc >be me >order some s--- on amazon >three days later, package arrives >take stuff out >find those plastic little bags of air, like 30 of them >idea.png >start popping them outside 16 KB JPG >loud af, sounds like gunshots >even better idea, start screaming and begging for help while popping at the same time >do this for 10 minutes >finally go back in laughing my ass off >20 minutes later, hear sirens outside and commotion >hear someone through a loudspeaker saying "we know you're in there, come out with your hands up!" >refuse to come out scared shitless How badly did I f--- up, lads?
: Anonymous (ID: PDKJ+xoc >be me >order some s--- on amazon >three days later, package arrives >take stuff out >find those plastic little bags of air, like 30 of them >idea.png >start popping them outside 16 KB JPG >loud af, sounds like gunshots >even better idea, start screaming and begging for help while popping at the same time >do this for 10 minutes >finally go back in laughing my ass off >20 minutes later, hear sirens outside and commotion >hear someone through a loudspeaker saying "we know you're in there, come out with your hands up!" >refuse to come out scared shitless How badly did I f--- up, lads?

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Anon compliments a minor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/21 (Wed)01:55:19 No.65470426 >walking to the grocery store after working out >check myself out in the reflection of a random booth thingy >say out loud "you're genuinely the most beautiful person I've ever seen" to myself 59 KB JPG >hear female voices inside >one says "omg thank you!" the other goes "umm shes **II >realize to my horror what lve done >begin walking manually F--- I thought it was closed
: Anonymous 09/22/21 (Wed)01:55:19 No.65470426 >walking to the grocery store after working out >check myself out in the reflection of a random booth thingy >say out loud "you're genuinely the most beautiful person I've ever seen" to myself 59 KB JPG >hear female voices inside >one says "omg thank you!" the other goes "umm shes **II >realize to my horror what lve done >begin walking manually F--- I thought it was closed

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Anon hates water | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 56 minutes ago 867927103 >Be born >cannot Stand the sound of rushing water >build entire dam to stop the sound right where it's loudest >get mauled and eaten by bear >refuse to elaborate 3 REPLIES 3 IMAGES
Anonymous 56 minutes ago 867927103 >Be born >cannot Stand the sound of rushing water >build entire dam to stop the sound right where it's loudest >get mauled and eaten by bear >refuse to elaborate 3 REPLIES 3 IMAGES

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Anon larps as a gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)18:42:55 No.792881471 ► >>792881665 >be friends with hot qtpie >want more but got friendzoned >her bf is a jacked alpha dude >he would kill me if I f----- around with his gf >lonely summer day >chillin at her place like we used to >this time with alcohol >starts talking about sex life >we get homy >l start rubbing the back then the thighs >literally diamonds >I start advancing knowing I'll get rejected >to my surprise I get a h------ >l grow confidence >we end up f------ like animals all night >he says we shouldn't let her know about this We high fived like bros then laughed about how absurd this all was.
Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)18:42:55 No.792881471 ► >>792881665 >be friends with hot qtpie >want more but got friendzoned >her bf is a jacked alpha dude >he would kill me if I f----- around with his gf >lonely summer day >chillin at her place like we used to >this time with alcohol >starts talking about sex life >we get homy >l start rubbing the back then the thighs >literally diamonds >I start advancing knowing I'll get rejected >to my surprise I get a h------ >l grow confidence >we end up f------ like animals all night >he says we shouldn't let her know about this We high fived like bros then laughed about how absurd this all was.

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Don't go anywhere without your Condor | /r/Greentext

File: cutiewithtits.jpg (47 KB, 600x800) Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:15:06 No.629176850 have you guys ever fuckd a gril without a condor? > Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:15:59 No 629176965 > Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:16:18 No 629177001 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:16:40 No. 629177042 > Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:17:30 No 629177130 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:17:53 No.629177179 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12: 18:50 No. 629177305 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12: 18:51 No.629177306 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12: 19:46 No.629177428 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:22:31 No.629177751 O Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:22:45 No.629177787 >>629178184 >>629178506 >>629178609 File: 1434306256997. gif (258 KB, 301x301) >making out with slut i brought from a nearby bar >gonna f--- this bitch >look to my condor for approval >he s---- on her bag and pecks her outta the room. >later find out she had harpies from friend thank you condor. dodged a f------ bullet
File: cutiewithtits.jpg (47 KB, 600x800) Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:15:06 No.629176850 have you guys ever fuckd a gril without a condor? > Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:15:59 No 629176965 > Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:16:18 No 629177001 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:16:40 No. 629177042 > Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:17:30 No 629177130 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:17:53 No.629177179 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12: 18:50 No. 629177305 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12: 18:51 No.629177306 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12: 19:46 No.629177428 >> Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:22:31 No.629177751 O Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)12:22:45 No.629177787 >>629178184 >>629178506 >>629178609 File: 1434306256997. gif (258 KB, 301x301) >making out with slut i brought from a nearby bar >gonna f--- this bitch >look to my condor for approval >he s---- on her bag and pecks her outta the room. >later find out she had harpies from friend thank you condor. dodged a f------ bullet

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Anon is a magician | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/20(Wed)02:36:44 No.829650014 >at a stop light >light is red "go green... NOW >still red "go green... NOW >still red 104 KB PNG "go green... NOW >turns green >mfw
: Anonymous 06/10/20(Wed)02:36:44 No.829650014 >at a stop light >light is red "go green... NOW >still red "go green... NOW >still red 104 KB PNG "go green... NOW >turns green >mfw

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Anon makes a good point. | /r/Greentext


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Anon failed his history class | /r/Greentext


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anon pee pee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)21:59:45 No.62768642 >>62756759 (OP) # >Health class middle school >On the vagina lesson >Teacher asks if anyone has any questions >No one is asking anything and 68 KB JPG she keeps saying come on guys ask away ask away don't be shy >Feel bad that the class is leaving teacher fren hanging >Decide to ask a random question to help her out Raise hand without even thinking of a question first >Teacher: yes a n o n >Run spaghetti.EXE >Miss what happens if you pee in a girl's vagina? >Whole room goes dead silent. To this day I have never heard anything so quiet. >She says I don't know Anon just don't do it. >Have that hot anxiety Rush for the next half hour. | Funny thing is later on that day I was in the library and one of the girls from my class came up to me and said a non l'm so horny but I was too much of an autist to make the connection and just said whaaaaa? And that is the story of how I missed the chance to pee in a girl's vagina. |
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)21:59:45 No.62768642 >>62756759 (OP) # >Health class middle school >On the vagina lesson >Teacher asks if anyone has any questions >No one is asking anything and 68 KB JPG she keeps saying come on guys ask away ask away don't be shy >Feel bad that the class is leaving teacher fren hanging >Decide to ask a random question to help her out Raise hand without even thinking of a question first >Teacher: yes a n o n >Run spaghetti.EXE >Miss what happens if you pee in a girl's vagina? >Whole room goes dead silent. To this day I have never heard anything so quiet. >She says I don't know Anon just don't do it. >Have that hot anxiety Rush for the next half hour. | Funny thing is later on that day I was in the library and one of the girls from my class came up to me and said a non l'm so horny but I was too much of an autist to make the connection and just said whaaaaa? And that is the story of how I missed the chance to pee in a girl's vagina. |

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Anon is a liar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)07:44:03 No.852363575 >be me >never really got attention from girls in hs >now in college >been lifting for the past year >dress well 34 KB JPG >being 6ft 1 helps >in line for a club last night >a girl comes up to me and starts talking >says she knows someone further up in the line and takes me wither her Did I make it anons? 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)08:04:13 No.852364355 >>852363575 (OP) # 276 KR ID
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)07:44:03 No.852363575 >be me >never really got attention from girls in hs >now in college >been lifting for the past year >dress well 34 KB JPG >being 6ft 1 helps >in line for a club last night >a girl comes up to me and starts talking >says she knows someone further up in the line and takes me wither her Did I make it anons? 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)08:04:13 No.852364355 >>852363575 (OP) # 276 KR ID

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Anon covers his tracks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)17:05:53 No.867916101 >be me 1 hour ago >home alone for a bit >c-- in the toilet >flush >doesn't flush >flush again 44 KB PNG >??? >toilet isn't flushing >find out apartment shut off our water for maintenance >my c-- is floating in the toilet not able to go down >mom calls >"hey anon just wanted to let you know we'll be home soon" >wellshit.jpg >maybe l'll just wait for the water to turn back on >parents get home >mom is heading towards bathoom >F--- F--- F--- F--- >get there first >"anon I really need to use the bathroom" >"sorry mom me too" >spend the next 15 minutes scooping my c-- droplets out of the water and into the trash >go to wash hands >oh right, water's off >walk out of bathroom hands covered in c-- and toilet water at least I got away with it
: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)17:05:53 No.867916101 >be me 1 hour ago >home alone for a bit >c-- in the toilet >flush >doesn't flush >flush again 44 KB PNG >??? >toilet isn't flushing >find out apartment shut off our water for maintenance >my c-- is floating in the toilet not able to go down >mom calls >"hey anon just wanted to let you know we'll be home soon" >wellshit.jpg >maybe l'll just wait for the water to turn back on >parents get home >mom is heading towards bathoom >F--- F--- F--- F--- >get there first >"anon I really need to use the bathroom" >"sorry mom me too" >spend the next 15 minutes scooping my c-- droplets out of the water and into the trash >go to wash hands >oh right, water's off >walk out of bathroom hands covered in c-- and toilet water at least I got away with it

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